Letter Two

From Tony DePalma

Excuse me your stuff is carp.

Your just a socialist who hates frenterprize.
Your losing through Rush and Rush are helping to save our
culture from you creeps. We are on ,"The Road to Serfdom"
the truth is not complex is very simpel!

(Drum roll, please...)

Tony DePalma's 45 Undeniable Truths of Life!

1. The United States is the greatest political story ever told.

   (Huh?  You start with that?
    I thought these would be controversial.
    Why not start with "Five is greater than four?")

2. Communism is the most evil system on the planet earth there is
    no compromising with communists.

   (there is no punctuation)

3. The New York Yankees are the greatest sports franchise ever.

   (Now you're getting nutty.
    Nothing against the Yankees or New York, but they've only
    won one World Series in the last ten years.
    The Cowboys and 49'ers have won title after title.)

4. The rich work hard to obtain wealth, and are achievement oriented,
    thus is the reason they have money.

   (That's at least partially true, but some are born into big money,
    and some fall into cushy, destructive jobs that pay by the slur
    even though they tend to leave slime on everything they touch.)

5. Ronald Reagan ended the Soviet Union's influence in the world with peace through strength.

   (No, he did it by outspending the enemy.
    Tell me, whose money did Reagan spend?
    When it comes to feeding the poor, or medical bills for retired veterans,
    Rush says "That's our money, Mr. Clinton."
    So, whose money is it when Reagan spends it?)

6. Only the Dead has seen the end of war.

   (Huh?  The Grateful Dead?
    I thought they were against war.
    Are you sure?)

7. Hard work pays very large dividends.

   (Useless, dumbass statement.
    The grass is green, too.)

8. Men and women have different, God-given roles in society.

   (Ha ha.
    How long have you been divorced?)

9. Conservatism stands for decency and decorum it is based on truth and seeking God's will.

   (Ha ha.
    Conservatism and decency in the same sentence?
    Ha ha.
    Seeking God's will?
    God wants McVeigh and Nichols executed?)

10. Abortion is the killing of innocent life.

    (Half your party agrees to destroy "innocent life" if
     incest or rape is involved. Is that the "baby's" fault?
     Your position could be used to drain spaghetti.)

11. Evidence refutes Liberalism.

    (That's the stupidest goddamn thing I ever heard.
     If you have some "evidence" of that, whip it out.
     Rush has done a good job with you, Cubby )

12. A lone gunman nut named Lee Harvey Oswald killed JFK.
     Any attempt to create a conspiracy is intellectual laziness.

    (But you think the DC police, the National Park Service,
     the FBI, the CIA the House and the Senate conspired to help
     Bill Clinton murder his childhood friend, Vince Foster?
     Explain why Fat bastard pushed the Foster murder rumors.
     Your side sees the black helicopters, not us.

     If ditto-monkeys owned mirrors, it would be sooo easy...)

13. Whittaker Chambers exposed the infusion of communism in America.
     His book "Witness" is the greatest story of breaking from communism, and finding God.

    (Never read that book.
     How does it compare with Von Ryan's Express?
     Besides, that's a very deniable "truth."

14. The 60's era is an embarrassment to our culture,
     and led to the rapid moral decline of our Nation.

    (That's almost as stupid as #11.
     The sixties is when honesty began.
     No more hiding incest, no more hiding rape,
     no more hiding wife-beaters and drunk-drivers.
     Lynchings were made illegal, and racial discrimination
     was no longer allowed, all starting in the sixties.

     That's one reason Dole lost the election.
     Besides wealthy, white men, nobody wants to go back
     to separate drinking fountains and separate lunch counters.
     Jesus, that's idiotic.

     Are you from Georgia?

15. There is no such thing as separation of church and state
     in any founding document of the United States.

    (Founding document?
     Who helped you with this?
     Bob Dole?
     If you think a federal religion is a good idea, you'd probably enjoy life in Tehran.

16. Anita Hill is the greatest liar of all time!

    (Not even in the Top 300.
     Clinton is a much better liar than Anita Hill.
     This is the most ditto-monkey thing you've said so far.
     The trick is to make sense some of the time,
     so they won't notice when you lose it all the way.

17. Giving money to the underclass ultimately expands the under class.
     The way out of poverty is through strong work ethic.

    (I agree.
     It's that simple.
     Fuck 'em.
     Let 'em die.
     I got mine, they can get theirs.)
     If they're old or sick, let nature deal with them.

18. Gambling creates false hope, and expands the welfare state.
      True self worth comes from earning money honestly.
      Lottery winnings Etc. can't be enjoyed, they're ill gotten.

    (Starting your own business is a cornerstone of free enterprize,
     but it's also a gamble. Does that make it bad?
     Are you, like... stupid or something?

     Lottery winnings can't be enjoyed?
     You should've seen ol' BartCop in Las Vegas spending
     your taxpayer money like it was 1999.

19. Sex, as an objective is self-robbery.

    (Self robbery?
     Ha ha.

     You're doing it all wrong.

     You're supposed to do it with another person...
     Ha ha.)

20. The Earth is remarkably rejuvenitive, not fragile, as  environmentalists want us to believe.
      Environmentalism is  the new home of socialism in America.

     (OK, you win this one.
     Man can't harm the Earth, no matter how hard he tries...
     The environmentalists are just lying so they can...
     ...they're just lying so they can...
     I forget.
     Why are the environmentalists lying?

21. Animals do not have rights! Man accords them privileges because he is compassionate.

   (There are laws against animal cruelty, Sir.
     So, you think it's OK to set kittens on fire?
     Koresh-blessed, I'm sure.

     I'm a bleeding-heart liberal when is comes to animal abuse.
     Besides, Jeffry Dahmer started torturing dogs and cats then "graduated" to bigger game.
     Why are you pro-torture?   Are you the youngest in your family?
     Is there something you want to tell us?   Can I call someone?

22. Ronald Reagan was the greatest President of the 20th century.

    (There you go again.
     Name ONE thing Reagan did. ONE thing!
     Built up the military?
     Did not.
     The President isn't authorized to spend money, remember?

     Go on, name something else, besides the military.
     Fire the air-traffic controllers?
     Ok, that's true.

     Yes, he's guilty of that.

     The biggest depression since 1939?
     He's guilty of that, too.

     He invaded the Isle of Nutmeg to distract Americans from "The Bungle in Beirut"
     where 240 Marines died, and he killed two of Khadafy's kids in assassination attempt.

     If it wasn't for Ed-The-Human-Felony-Meese, Reagan would've been impeached for his crimes.
     But Meese acted as Reagan's personal defense lawyer and refused to indict him for crimes eventually
      pardoned by George Herbert Traitor Butch to keep those crimes hidden from the light of truth.

     ...but you say you like the guy?

23. Gun laws do not help curb crime. It is more important for
     citizens to arm themselves then it is to restrict firearms.

    (Gun laws work in countries with less than 100,000,000 guns.
     Since they don't work in America, I have guns.)

24. Babe Ruth, was the greatest baseball player of all time.

    (Ruth was a Wilson democrat.)

25. AIDS is not growing despite what journalists say,
     and has never been a threat to heterosexuals.

    (Not a threat to heterosexuals?
     I thought I saw your wife dancing with a guy at the
     local bar last weekend. Did she come home that night?

     Now, if you catch AIDS from her,
     according to your rules, that makes you a homo, right?

26. Homosexuality is aberrant behavior, and cannot be condoned.

    (Sorry, Tony.
     I do not hear your words.

     What should gays do?
     Become celibate?)

27. Affirmative action is reverse discrimination.
      The best-qualified person should get the job, period.

    (Then explain how Clarence Thomas got his job.)

28. The 1927 New York Yankees were the greatest team ever assembled.

    (We covered this one.
     Cowboys, 49'ers, remember?)

29. Sam Walton, was the best businessman in American history.  Wal-Mart changed
     the American economy for the better, thus ending inflation, as we once knew it.

    (Is Paul Harvey back? I smell horseshit.
     Sam Walton wrote a blueprint to destroy small towns and wipe out millions of mom-and-pop
     small businesses. ...and Reagan killed inflation with his 1982 depression.)

30. Love is not "a two way street" It is the giving of all of oneself without expectations
     on what is in it for self.  Love based on emotion doesn't last.

    (Jesus, you're hard to figure out.
     First, you want to put gays in ovens,
     now you think you figured out the meaning of love?)

31. Feelings are like gas they pass quickly studying them  has nothing to do with reality.

    (And your "undeniable truths" are like methane.)

32. Oliver North, is a hero who despied Communism so much that he went to any lengths to end it.

    (...and OJ loved Nicole so much, he cut her head off.)

33. 1982-1989 was the best economic years in American history.

    (The best years?
     That might be true, if you forget Reagan's depression, the highest unemployment
     since the 1930's and the 4 TRILLION Reagan spent that he didn't have.)

34. Magic Johnson, was the greatest basketball player of all time.

    (Rush says Magic is gay, and you want the gays put in ovens.
     ...You have the consistency of warm baby shit.)

35. Liberalism is a big lie, it can never work in a free society, basically the philosophy says
      individuals are incapable of achieving on their own. Further it is a gutless choice,
      robbing the soul, and it is secular humanism.

    (Rush says we've "suffered with liberalism" since WW II.   That means America hasn't "worked" in 50 years.
     Most Americans think you're crazy.  Your little proclamations don't even add up to anything.
     If I said "conservativism is gutless," then failed to back it up, I'd look as bad as you.)

36. Franklin Deleno Roosevelt, the Godfather of Liberalism was the most overrated President of all time.
     The notion that FDR helped end the depression is myth!
     Further he created a dependent Society with his New Deal.

    (Whoa, Cubby.      First of all, Snoot says FDR was one of his heroes.  Maybe you need to straighten him out.
     FDR didn't end the depression?  Who did?  Reagan?  Your grandmother gets a monthly check and free health
     care because of FDR. Go to her home, get those checks and send them to me and I'll know you're sincere
     about the New Deal.)

37. Baseball is the most beautiful game ever played.

    (Couldn't you get anyone to help you with these? Right after saying something totally insane,
     you say "blue is the most beautiful color.")

38. The 94 Election was an important historical event, which began a revolution
      that will change the political course of America for the better.

     (Snoot's revolution changed the face of the Murrah building
      in Oklahoma City, but little else.)

39. God is the answer to all mans problems seeking his will is the only way to full contentment in life.

    (What if God asks you to murder your son, like He did Abraham?   Are you going to please Him?
     God's not even the answer to punctuation problems, as every "truth" of yours demonstrates.)

40. Every man, women, and child has a fundamental idea of God.
      Calamity, pomp or worship often obscures it.

    (What? Worship obscures the idea of God?
     If that's true, why worship at all? You make less sense than Farrakhan.)

41. Good has always and will prevail over evil.

    (Explain it to the 6,000,000 who died in concentration camps in World War Two.
     Tell me, why did God create evil?   And if He didn't create evil, why was He powerless
     to stop whichever deity you decide DID create evil?)

42. Cussing is a crutch for conversational cripples.

    (...but personal slurs are Rush's sacraments?)

43. Taxing the rich hurts the middle class more then the rich.

    (Ha ha.You must be a colonel in the ditto-monkey army.  Rush has convinced you
    that your life will be better if he gets to keep more of his $25,000,000 each year.)

44. Mans problems are created mostly by man himself.
      Self-centeredness is the main problem of the human race.

    (No, religious superstition and ignorance are worse.)

45. America's brightest days are yet ahead.
     Your children will have a better life then we have.

    Sidebar 2003:
    When this was written, we had no idea that Clinton would be impeached for having sex,
     that the BFEE would steal the 2000 election and Bush's bungled Taliban deal would cause 9-11.
     We had no idea that the Constitution would be suspended, and that the Monkey and Ashcroft
     would be given a license to execute anyone they wanted by the gelding Democrats of Shame.
    ...but this was the 1998 answer.

    (How can that be?  America is run by liberals.
    "All liberals destroy," remember?)

    If this was a term paper,
   -you'd get an "F" for cohesion,
   -you'd get an "F" for staying on-point,
   -you'd get an "F" for spelling,
   -you'd get an "F" for punctuation,
   -you'd get an "F" for making nouns agree with verbs,
    ...and you'd be expelled for your nutty ideas.

    But I'll bet you'd score a perfect 4.0 at Rush's  EIB University.

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