Subject:   "The Most Influencial Talk Show Host In America."

  (We could go on about how "HE never said that, he was reciting OTHER people saying that!"
Whatever. He announces it just about every week or so in praise of himself, and we all know he believes it.)
  Well, let's see...

  Rush began to gain attentioned before the '92 elections. Being the Rightist
whore that he is, he railed against the left and talked up Bush like no
tomorrow, disregarding the Iran Contra affair that he undoubtedly took part
in, and the abysmal recession that was still going on.

  And, of course, Bush lost.
  But Rush was new to the game; he hadn't gotten the real grasp on his hatred
just yet. So he ranted and raved and whored himself to the Conservative Right
for fours straight years of Clinton's first term, becoming "the most
influencial talk show host in America." He yammered about Clinton's
infedelity. He whined about Clinton's welfare issues. He screamed about
Clinton's lack of morals.

   Then came the election of '96. By now Rush had been in the spotlight for a
good four or five years, and was running strong with his Dittoheads. He
campaigned for the Right, took phony polls on his show in a pathetic attempt
to convice his sheep that Clinton was going to lose for sure, all the while
being "the most influencial talk show host in America."
  Of course, Clinton won then, too.

  So far, Rush was 0 for 2. So he turned up the hate, turned up the anger,
turned up the bitterness on his show and began an all-out assault on Bill
Clinton and anything to the left of Adolf Hitler. One of the leaders of The
Great Clinton Cock Hunt, Limbaugh berated the President and his defenders
every day on the air, spending innumerable hours focusing on Clinton's penis.
Dittoheads ate this up, and Rush began to forget about losing the '96
elections. He was going to "influence" the masses this time, oh yes indeed....
  So here are the 2000 elections.
  And Gore won the popular vote.

  And Rush Limbaugh still calls himself "The Most Influencial Talk Show Host In America."
   Hmm...

   He couldn't motivate people to vote Clinton out the first time...he
couldn't persuade the people to vote him out the second time...and now, Gore
has won the popular vote, even though he will likely lose the Presidency.
  So...WHO exactly is Rush Limbaugh influencing??

Doulgas Daniels

From:  chines3885@uswest.net

Subject:    The Bush Family Thanksgiving

        "Am I president yet?" George W. asks.

         Barbara sighs and shakes herhead.
        "This turkey is de-diddly-icious!" Exclaims the former president.
        "These pearls are cutting off the circulation in my neck," gasps Barbara.
        "Can I have some more brandy?" Asks Marvin.

        "Yeah, isn't there some Hennessy in the cellar that Himmler gave to
Grandpa during the war?" asks Neil.
        "Yes, son," Answers the former president.
"But we're saving that for when Kathy Harris seals the deal in Florida.
You did send her that check, didn't you, Neil?"
        "Uh...uh...yeah, sure Dad." Neil drops his gaze to his cottage
cheese and lime Jell-O salad.
        "Why can't I sit at the big-people's table?" George W. cries from the corner.
        "Oh, Georgie, hush," Barbara says.  "At least Jeb is keeping you company."
        "Yeah," Jeb says glumly.  "But why do I have to eat what he's eating?"
        "Now, Jeb," Barbara says.  "Georgie had his heart set on popcorn,
toast, and jelly beans ever since we let him watch his cartoons."
        "Jelly beans," Shudders the former president.  "I'll never be able to eat jelly beans again
after watching Ron shoot them from his rectum in the oval office."
        "What's a rectum?" George W. asks.

        "Never mind that, dear," Barbara advises.  "You can ask Karl or
Karen the next time they come to take you to the zoo."
        "Where's Mr. Baker?" George asks.  "Why does my poopoo stink?  Am I president yet?"
        "Yoko!"  Barbara hollers.  "Damn, where is that new girl?  It's time
for Georgie to have his medication."
        "Why in the hell did you hire a chink?" The former president asks.
        "Because.  Georgie and Jeb keep knocking up those little spics and running them off."
        Laura Bush squirms in her chair uncomfortably.  "What is the status on Florida anyway?
You promised I'd be a first lady...that's the only reason I agreed to marry your son."
        "Dick and Jim are taking care of it," the former president says.
"Dick is bribing a few high-placed officials and Jim is targeting the uh...disagreeables."
        "Heart attacks or strokes?" Marvin asks.

        "Heart attacks, a couple of suicides, maybe," the former president says, shrugging.
"I put them in touch with a couple of cronies from my Mena Airport days."
        "I saw Nancy Reagan the other day," Neil says.  "She was buying rice cereal and diapers for her husband."
        "That woman," Barbara says, shaking her head.
"She has more staplesin her scalp than Dr. Laura Schlessinger has warts on her genitals."
        "Wow," The former president says.  "That's a lot of staples."

        "Yeah," agrees the entire family.
        "Can I watch more Charlie Brown after dinner?" George W. asks.
        "I thought you wanted your wife to read Dr. Seuss to you," Barbara says.
        "My wife?  Oh yeah, that mean lady, Laura.  She's my wife, isn't she?"
George W. frowns in confusion.  "Do we have kids?"

        "Dr. Falwell lent you those two girls during the campaign, remember?
But they had to go back to work in his brothel," Jeb reminds him.
        "Oh yeah.  Mitsy and Titsy," The former president says.
"Nice girls.  They sure know how to give a mean blow job."
The former president catches Barbara glaring at him.  "So I've heard," he adds hastily.

        "I don't remember," George W. says.  "Am I president yet?"
        Barbara sighs and stands up.  "Yoko!" She hollers again.  "Damn!
Georgie needs his medicine, now!"
        "Fire the little gook," the former president says.  "Can't we hire some niggers?"

        "The Negroes don't like Georgie," Barbara reminds him.  "He always tries to kill them, remember?"
        "Oh yeah." The former president shakes his head and smiles fondly at his namesake.
"I sure am proud of Georgie.  He's been a good boy."
        "Yes, he has," Barbara agrees.  "I never would've imagined that our
little boy, the one who was dropped on his head, would ever be president.
And now, it's so close!"
        "I propose a thanksgiving toast to Georgie!" The former president holds up his glass.
        "Huh?" George W. looks up at the smiling faces surrounding him, and
his jam-smeared face breaks into a smile.  "I'm president now, isn't I!"

Carrie Hines