With the Democratic Convention around the corner, I would like to join
          those offering advice to Vice President Al Gore. Mr. Gore's best chance
          to re-energize his campaign will come with his selection of his vice-presidential
          running mate, and I know whom he should choose.

          Bill Clinton.

          No, really, think about it for a moment. Bill Clinton, with all his detractors,
          is still the most popular and interesting politician in the country, and he is a
          far better campaigner, debater and all-around politician than any of the
          no-name Democratic governors whose names have been bandied about as
          possible running mates for Mr. Gore. While many voters won't admit it,
          they would love to vote for Mr. Clinton again. He has kept us entertained
          in this age of microchips and markets, and there is no Democrat who drives
          Republicans more crazy. Without blinking an eye, he takes 50 percent of all
          the Republicans' best ideas and then accuses them of being extremists for
          wanting the other half. What other Democrat can get away with that?

          Think of what Mr. Clinton could do to energize the Gore campaign: He
          would certainly help Mr. Gore overcome his problem with women voters,
          and, have no doubt, Mr. Clinton, who knows every issue inside out, would
          destroy any Republican vice-presidential candidate in a debate. For that
          matter, Mr. Clinton could eat George W. Bush for breakfast in a debate
          and not even know he ate him. And, be honest, who does a funeral better
          than Bill Clinton? That's the vice president's most important task.

          Also, for pure entertainment, what could be better? The vice president
          breaks tie votes in the Senate. So if Hillary Clinton is elected as senator
          from New York and Bill Clinton as vice president, they might actually
          square off on a key vote. We're talking a "War of the Roses" kind of deal
          right there on the Senate floor. C-Span would instantly become the most
          widely watched television network in the country. Who needs "Survivor"
          when we could have Clinton vs. Clinton -- live?

          Mr. Clinton also solves another problem. He's already had his background
          -- not to mention his body parts, body fluids and DNA -- checked by
          everyone from Paula Jones to the F.B.I. So Mr. Gore wouldn't have to
          worry about any surprises coming out of his closet -- like draft-dodging,
          pot-smoking, philandering or land speculating -- since the Clinton closet has
          already been opened and emptied thirty times. How many vice-presidential
          candidates can say they've survived impeachment? 
          We're talking vetted here, folks. Though Mr. Clinton may be disbarred in
          Arkansas, he has never been convicted of anything. That counts for something.

          And as taxpayers we have to love this idea, because Bill Clinton for VP is
          good for the budget too. Ex-presidents get Secret Service protection for life.
          But if Clinton was VP, he would get the Secret Service detail and would not
          need one of his own, so it's a two-for-one deal.

          There is no question that Mr. Gore and Mr. Clinton get along, so there are
          no worries there, and there is also no question that Mr. Clinton would love
          the job. First of all, he wouldn't have to move to that Potemkin house in
          New York but could spend four more years in government housing at the
          vice president's residence on Massachusetts Avenue. And being VP has
          to be more fun than being on the board of Disney. I mean, whom would
          you rather report to -- Al Gore or Michael Eisner?

          It would also solve Mr. Clinton's golf problem. As a private citizen he
          would want to join a private golf club, but that could be difficult because
          few clubs want the hassle of having all those Secret Service agents with
          sniper rifles sitting in trees and roaming the fairways. But if Mr. Clinton
          was vice president no club would turn him away from the first tee, and he
          would have much more time to work on his game. Look how a good a
          golfer Dan Quayle is today.

          Yes, yes. I know, Clinton-haters believe that Mr. Clinton should be
          punished, not be made vice president. But aren't they the same thing?