Pokerfest Update ( as of Thursday the 15th )
Last weekend, I said/published a lie that I thought was true.
I said something like, (No time to look it up)
"There are plenty of casinoes*
that would love to host BartCop Pokerfest
in lieu of the sudden and unexpected Binion's closure that threw our Pokerfest into peril,"
Turns out, there are very, very few places to play poker
in Las Vegas.
I was shocked to learn this.
I would've bet real money that my plenty of casinoes*
would be willing to host us, but a quick check
of the facts (by Sam Dent, who is a Koresh-send) showed that even many the giants have no live poker.
Raise my rent.
So, all praise to Sam, she found a casinoe*
willing to host this sure-to-be-a-monster PokerfFest.
Until today, the best offer we had was from the El Capitan.
Up till this morning, the El Capitan was out best best bet AND, they wanted us to stay at their ...hotel.
I'm sorry, but I'm a married man.
Years ago, due to a lack of planning, we were forced to stay at Vegas's Ambassador Hotel,
and we were thankful that the only rats we saw were small ones. (It's been torn down.)
So, Mrs. Bart will only stay in properties that reach the no-rat level, and I can't guarantee
what shape the El Capitan is in, but in the end, it didn't matter.
Sam tried The Mirage, but
they laughed and said, "Dude, we are so
not able to help you,"
and The Bellagio, which would've been a quantum leap into the future and much more class and
decorum that I think I could stand, has yet to get back to us, ...but nothing yet in carved in stone.
Sam has talked to some dude at The Bellagio and he says they might be interested, but the boss is sick this week.
Hey, no problem.
The tourney is a full nine days away, no reason to squeeze out every detail this week, right?
If The Bellagio calls and matches the first offer, we'd just have to go there, ...so it's in God's hands.
The very idea that The Bellagio
would court bartcop.com's business would be too great a sign
I mean, have you ever been to The Bellagio? It's so nice, it's disgusting.
If the smell of fresh flowers pisses you off, you won't like The Bellagio.
We DO have a top-flight, first-class property
ready and willing to host us, so we're cool.
I wracked my brain trying to think of a good reason to disclose the location of the big BartCop Pokerfest Vegas 2004,
but as often in the case with an IQ of 64, I failed to come up with one.
If you're in (plus Nuveeeeena) and want to know the location
of the BIG Pokerfest,
send me an e-mail at the usual address.
We're doing some $50
tournaments and a $100
Those first in have a Nancy Grace guarantee that you're going to play...
You're considered "all in" when you send your deposits
to Box 54466, Tulsa OK 74155
or PayPal to https://firstname.lastname@example.org
Binion's Horseshoe is having some financial issues that may or may not work themseslves out by January 24th.
If at all possible, we'd still like to have the Pokerfest
at Binions to show our appreciation for how nice they were to us,
a bunch of low budget nobodies, at the premier BartCop Pokerfest 2003 last September.
They treated us like we were important ...and that's one reason I like Las Vegas.
There are only 10 days until the big Vegas Pokerfest.
It's bum-class poker for small stakes!
At the (possibly) exact same table where they play the World Series of Poker, under the Wall of Champions.
We're hot-wired and somebody who can't play poker will be going home a winner!
New this year:
The winner of the big tournament buys the hooker for the first guy out.
(Ladies get a spa visit.)
It's Year One of the BartCop Vegas Hooker Poker Tradition. (Possible sarcasm alert)
I know you've been busy with Christmas, the kids and your trial
for depraved indifference,
but time's running out and this will be our only West Coast Pokerfest this year.
(Bart gives a moment for the crowd to settle down...)
Southwest Airlines is doing cheapie fares to Vegas
Hell, they give free trips to Vegas if you use their credit card for groceries and gas.
Join us in Las Vegas - we'll meet, tell some lies, play poker
and drink mas fina tequila.
Whatever you're doing that weekend, you won't remember it twenty years from now.
But if you make the big Vegas Pokerfest ...whatever it's called, you'll never forget it.
Also, and this is not a guarantee, but God is blessing
us with a New Moon that week,
meaning if anyone was interested in a trip to Area 51to see the mysterious aircraft,
"New Moon" means it will be absolutely, totally dark and black - excellent conditions
for seeing what new toys our Air Force will be flying 8-10 years from now.
Also, there are rumors of pool playing and tequila
How does one travel with a cue stick after 9-11?
We'll do Pokerfest Foxwoods in the spring, for you nor'easters.
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