kid goes to Baghdad
Now, about this story, there are so many things
to criticise about this I don't know where to begin,
it reads more like an Adam Sandler movie plot
than an actual event.
This is essentially a rich assed preppy kid from
Fort Lauderdale who gets given a couple of grand
by his mommy and daddy and uses it trying to
see the situation in Iraq like a younger Mr. McGoo.
The Punk then tries to sneak into a war zone
by paying fucking taxicabs to drive him to the God damned
Kuwait/Iraq border and balks at the extortionist
rates for a cab ride that would almost certainly get the
cabbie shot or imprisoned for attempting in the
After spending an average Americans weekly fucking
salary on taxi fare and almost getting in a fistfight
with a cabbie (Mel Brooks couldn't write crap
this absurd), the bleary eyed idealistic preppy bastard
flies to Beirut to be with his slightly less
rich-assed Lebanese (though obviously well connected if they
could get him on one of the rare commercial planes
into the old Sadaam International Airport) relatives
and flies from there to Baghdad.
He then goes to the fucking Fortresslike so-called
"Green Zone" of the city and gets a hotel room in
the hotel where almost every non-military non-contractor
White dude in the country is staying, goes to
a restaurant across the street behind a goddamned
Bremer Wall (a 10 ft high, 3 ft thick concrete Jersey
barrier surrounding most buildings in the Green
Zone or on US bases) and tries to order food and
"muck it up" with the locals. The dumbass
doesn't speak a word of Arabic (better to be mistaken for a
Cuban than a raghead in Miami apparently) and
uses a fucking tourist phrasebook (If I'm lyin' I'm dyin')
to try to order something.
The Iraqis in this restaurant look at the punk
like the fresh kidnap meat he probably was, and he gets
his stupid rich ass back to the hotel before
he winds up on an exclusive from Al JaFuckinZeera.
He's then flown by the 101st Airborne at taxpayer
goddamned expense back to Fort Lauderdale,
but not before handing in a journalistic essay
for his fucking private school rich assed gated community
preppy class to the whoring dumbfucks at the
I like what you said about the whores at the AP.
Jesus Fucking Allah Rimming Buddha with Moses
getting a blowjob!
Dude, I'm not sure you're being politically correct!
The kickers to all this mess, the fucking punk
writes an essay that spouts off the Good American
democracy spreaders vs. evil Iraqi insurgent
Islamofascists bullshit and does it with a hackjob
writing style worse than if Jeff the Fudge Packing
Top Gannon cowrote with Rush the Vulgar Pigboy.
When he got home, his mother probably grounded
him to inside their fucking gated community 'til
he goes to college, but my money's on Rummy trying
to give the punk a reporting gig with an Iraqi paper!
I didn't have a problem with the punk-ass kid, as long as we don't
have to watch his beheading on CNN every five minutes.
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