This is from the Washington DC 10/98 road trip.

The Rape at Red Sage

I was getting hungry, so I met up with the rest of the gang and we went looking for a nice place to eat.
We found "Red Sage," a snooty-looking steakhouse place, one block east of the White House.
The placed seemed OK, a little too trendy for me.

My salad was some green, leafy matter stuffed into a slice of cucumber.
I asked for Ranch dressing, the guy fucking LAUGHS at me and says,
"We only serve vinegarette and some french crap on the salad."

I kept waiting for him to say, "Just kidding."

Fine, bring me the salad dressing I don't want...
Your tip meter just started running, Napkinboy.

This was such an expensive restaurant, they didn't even have salt and pepper on the table.
When I asked for it, Napkinboy mumbled something under his breath about me "challenging" the chef.

Hey, fuck the chef!
For $45 dollars a plate,
I should get oral sex with my dinner.

I ordered the "Cowboy steak," which was the only thing on the menu that wasn't callimari
or pecan-encrusted breast of red-quail. AFTER I ordered the steak, Napkinboy explained
it was a bone-in Ribeye, ...and how did I want it cooked?

You can NOT trust these Snooty chefs.

If I'd ordered it "rare" or "medium," it would've come raw. So, I ordered "medium-well,"
hoping the 150K chef would have the brains to know how hot his oven was, but nooooooooooooooo.
It came burnt to a f-ing crisp.

There was more I could tell you about Red Sage, ...but you get the general idea, right?
Then, when the bill came, I looked it over.

F-ing crisp "cowboy steak" was $35.
Margarita was $8.50.
Tuna, extra-extra-rare was $35.
Black, warm Zinfandel was $8.50.
Pecan-encrusted red-quail with Agnew sauce was $30.
and there was an extra $8.50 for ...what is "...GZNHT?"

I didn't remember ordering any kind of "GZNHT."
I asked Napkinboy about it, he said that was for my sneeze.
Napkinboy gave me "Gazundtheit" afterwards.

Now, I don't care what ANYBODY says, charging only $8.50 for Gazundtheit proves this place has CLASS!
The bill for the three dinners was $148.80, I threw the son-of-a-bitch a hundred and a fifty.

Napkinboy says, "I'll be right back with your change."
I said, "No, that's for YOU, Cubby."

Napkinboy got a tip of $1.20.
It's my duty to fuck with the snooty.

...and I left him a handful of cards.

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