(If you start to get bored, at least read the part under the ============== below.)

Have you heard the news?

NYPD Blue has effectively been cancelled.
Isn't that strange?   Cancelling a Top-Twenty show?
I used to really like that show, but I thought it died with Bobby Simone.
Now ABC has kicked it off their schedule.


It's another power play by the suits at Disney.
Disney is getting decent female numbers from the show currently in the Blue time slot,
Once and Again, which is confusing because they also have a show called, Now and Again,
and Jane Pauley hosts a show on MSNBC called Now and Then, or something like that.
Like I said, it's confusing.

Disney says they're afraid the women will flee to Judging Amy when Blue comes back,
so they told Blue producer Steven Bochco they "may" find a slot for his show
after Monday Night Football is over in January.

Bochco said, "If you don't want my show, cancel it and I'll find another network,"
Disney said, "No," so Bochco said, "Eat me" and stormed out.
So the Sipowitz-turns-gay storyline may never make the air.
(Oh, darn.)

This is called incest in show business.
Disney owns Once and Again, so they make more money from it with fewer viewers
so NYPD Blue may never be seen again.  Time will tell.

What else is going on in TV land?

Snoops is turning out to be a lightweight show - surprising for David Kelley
He usually hits home runs, Snoops is more like a double.
It does have a snappy presence, and the girls are fun to look at,
but it's not as good as I'd hoped it would be. Maybe it'll get better.

The Practice is still one of the best shows on TV.
It deserved it's Best Drama Emmy, but I wish they would've handled the George-the-nun-killer ending better.
I was hoping Cathryn Mannheim would beat up George with her bare hands.  Big women have a lot of doors
slammed in their faces, so I was hoping she'd use her girth to throw George through a window.

No such luck.
Lara Flynn Boyle, in the nude, shot him in the back.

The Simpsons has started damn strong.
The three episodes they've shown so far have been as funny as any they've ever done.
They can go for years and years this way.
The actors aren't getting any older and they're not asking for more money.

Ally McBeal and the X-Files are being held back until baseball is over.

Law and Order SUV isn't as good as I hoped.
With the original, you get the police for 30 minutes, then you get the courts.
With SUV, you get 30 minutes of sex crimes, and 30 minutes of Margarita
Hargitay whining about how awful sex crimes are.

Hey, lady!

You're working sex crimes in New York City.
This isn't Sesame Street or Mrs. Johnson's Sewing Circle.
If you have to ask yourself every week if you're in the wrong line of work,
you probably are, so get out of here.  The cast on SUV could be stronger, too.
The star, whose name is as forgettable as his performance and Dan Florek just aren't strong enough
to carry a show. They have about as much screen presence as Anthony Edwards, which is none at all.

And they have a few too many rejects from Homicide on that show.
Homicide was the best damn show on television, but don't rename all their characters and bring them back.
That guy that played super-prick Gaffney is such a good actor, I never want to see him again.

I sure wish Boston could win a baseball game.
I'm getting tired of the Yankees kicking the Braves' ass every year.

Star Trek Voyager is getting so damn good, it may replace TNG as my favorite Star Trek.
They're having their golden years right now. The characters are so well-defined now, they can do
wonders with an eyebrow. I don't know if you saw last week's episode, but the hologram doctor
asked Tuvok to pretend he, the doctor, was the captain for a few minutes.
The look on Tuvok's face was priceless.
Paramount has announced they have another Star Trek in the pipeline.
It's going to debut in 2001.

West Wing, on the same time as Voyager, is a great show.
I was disappointed in the president's wimp-out a week ago.
Ollie North's friends murdered the president's doctor and Bartlet wanted to
respond with "the fury of God's right-hand," or some such silly metaphor.

His staff talked him out of it, pissing me off no end.
If BartCop was president, and you murdered my doctor, I'd take action
that would allienate all our allies and trigger calls for my impeachment.
I guess that's why I'm not president.
West Wing is one of the smartest-written shows on TV, but it's light on babes.

Dr. Laura and Pigboy each got their panties in a wad because they said,
"Shit happens" on Chicago Hope.

It seems silly for television characters to speak a different language
than the one used by the majority of Americans.
It's hypocritical.  Rush and Dr. Laura always dance around the words most Americans use,
and it's pointless. If someone says, "The F word," you think to yourself, he means "fuck."
If the word is going to shoot through your mind, why waste the time sugar-coating it?

Friday on Doc Harpy's show, she asked a caller if her husband used the "S" word or the "B" word.
That means she was talking about "shit" and "bitch."
But if you KNOW that's what they mean, why dance around it?
Granted, it's different with kids, but why are kids watching a medical
drama show after ten o'clock in New York?

Besides, every kid in America who's ever been to a Bruce Willis movie
or an Arnold Schwartzegger movie knows all the curse words, anyway.

Did you see the latest Law and Order with the murdered rich girl?
They promised us twists, and they delivered.
Is anybody else getting tired of Adam Schiff, their boss?
No matter what the crime, he says, "Settle it, plea bargain, do something!"
He's got the moral convictions of Governor Blow Monkey.
I'd turn Republican if Angie Harmon would honeymoon with me.

I've seen two episode of Roswell.
It's a reverse X-Files, where you root for the aliens to get away from the FBI.
It OK, but where are they going to go?
Starting the first show, the evil sheriff suspects the aliens are aliens.
Can they keep doing that in a small town for 22 shows?
The girl's real cute, but I'm old enough to be her father,
so I can't be lusting after gorgeous teenagers, right?

Chris Rock has been good lately, but why did we get a repeat last night?
He's only done three shows this year, and we get a repeat?

Mrs. BartCop likes to watch Profiler on NBC, but they've dumped the star.
Ally Walker had "too many miles on her," said one NBC exec,
so they brought in one of those Melrose girls who can't act, Jamie Luner.
If she's not going to wear short skirts and bikinis, why bother?
At least Ally could act.

Friends and Frasier seem to be going just fine, but I wish Friends would lose Ross.
Christ, he's such a whiner.
And why does the blonde get an Emmy nomination each year?
She the least funny of the three.
Maybe they feel sorry for the "plain girl."
When Friends starts to fade, as far as I'm concerned,
Chandler and Monica could leave and do their own show.

Frasier has world-class comedy writers.
They set a joke up to where I can't see it coming.
I love to be surprised by a joke - I rarely am.
Most TV writing is such crap I can see the joke coming from a mile away.

Frasier has the brains and patience to set up a joke, then leave it for a few minutes.
Then when they get to it, you understand why it was set up that way.
The writing on Friends isn't as good, but it doesn't have to be.
They have babes on Friends.

ER is sucking goose eggs, but Rebecca DeMornay helps some.
She and Alan Alda will be there for a few shows, then they're gone.
Julianna Margulles is leaving too, so poor, inept doctor/actor Greene will drive
that show into Neilsen hell, and it's costing NBC $13,000,000 per show!

Worse than that, it's owned by Warner Brothers, who also owns those god-awful
car wrecks Victoria's Closet, Jesse and Suddenly Susan. Warner brothers told NBC,
"If you want ER, you've got to put on those three extra-horrible shows or we're pulling ER."

Guess what, Warner Brothers?
Your ER is sucking as bad as her three ugly sisters.
NBC should dump all four shows and save themselves $20,000,000.
Remember, they dumped Homicide over a lousy goddamn $400,000,
and they're keeping Must-Blow TV, instead?

By the way, NBC, that show you put on in Homicide's place is making you
thirteen percent less money than Homicide was.

You could've stuck with the best damn show on television, but nooooooooo.
You had to fuck it up.
You lost the best show on TV and you're making less money, too.


Fox has taken Action off the air, doesn't it figure?
Frasier is a must-see show, then NBC gives us inedible crap for 30 minutes,
so it was a good time to catch Action, the smartest of the new shows.
Fox says it may come back, but only if other shows fail sooner than expected.

I should've been a network programmer.


I know what you're thinking:
Why is BartCop spending so much time on unrelated things like television?

Rush Limba, the biggest asshole in America, has had a stroke.
I'm convinced he has had either a stroke or a series of strokes.

He's been in and out of the hospital a dozen times in the last 6 months.
On several occasions, he has slurred his words so bad that he was "deluged with calls,"
(his words) asking him if he's drunk.  He's constantly getting names wrong, too.

Tuesday, he introduced some game inventor as "Mr. Rules" instead of, "Mr Pools,"
and he blamed it on his "visual dyslexia."

A couple of weeks ago, during his extra-drunk period, he repeatedly called
Monica's dad by Monica's mother's name. He's constantly getting things wrong,
having to correct himself when he notices when he's screwed up.

Rush can't go five minutes without making errors.
He's constantly saying things like, "We'll be right break, after this back," or,
"Put some tank in your gas," and he doesn't even know that he's messed up.
He's got somebody sitting next to him now, to tell him when he's screwed up.

I'm not happy about Rush having a stroke.
But if somebody had to have one, might as well be him instead of a decent human being.

The problem seems to be getting worse, too
It's my guess he'll hang on, maybe thru the election, but he's toast when
Clinton leaves anyway, so he might as well take his millions and retire.

I'll bet Hannity takes over when he leaves.
I'm sure I'll have a lot to say about that prick, because he's Rush Jr.

With or without El Grande Puerca, the Nazi hate will continue, and I'll never go off-line,
unless SW Bell turns out to be another Mindspring. I'll always have something to complain about.

Speaking of Mindspring - do you think it's a coincidence that my troubles
with Mindspring started almost to the day they started advertising on Rush's show?

Privacy Policy
. .