UK Entertainment News
U.S. Stars in the British
Press
She looks like absolute shit, doesn't she?
Guy
& Madge Row After Dinner in London
The biggest story to hit the gossip mills last week in the UK was Guy
and Madonna's fight in public in a London restaurant that ended with a
tearful Madonna being left to cry it out by Guy.
This week's issue of Heat, burning a hole through my scanner. 1 pound
45 for that rag? Costs about as much as toilet paper!
Julia
Roberts, Catherine Zeta-Jones Not Actually Same Woman
Long-lashed Hollywood Harlots Seen In Same Place
At Same Time
Everything's on track for Zeta-Jones, now that she knows which ass to
kiss.
Paparazzi
Catches Cattrall Falling On Her Ass
Kim Cattrall falls on her ass after catching her
very expensive heel in a subway grate. This is only one photo from a 7-photo,
2 page spread of the event, featured in this week's Heat magazine.
Scraping The Bottom Of The Barrel!
Let's Look In The Mirror
Woman
Sentenced After Microwaving Cat
Banned From Keeping Pets For Five Years
"Nadine Trewin cooked her six-year-old tabby Sasha
for a minute after she was bitten by a flea."
Full
Monty
Yikes. What a bitch. That woman whose dog was thrown into traffic would
have a heart attack if she found out that THIS woman got no jail time.
Couple
Trapped In Lift For 8 Days
"'We knew our chances were slim. The worst day
was the fourth ... after the food ran out.'"
Full
Monty
Mamma Mia.
Man
Regains Sight After Transplanting Tooth To His Eye
"A blind builder can see for the first time in
five years after an operation to transplant a tooth into one of his eyes."
Full
Monty
That is messed up!
Top Of The Pops
Mariah Carey's new single, "Loverboy," makes an unimpressive debut at #12.
Robbie Williams holds on to the #1 spot with "Eternity," "Lady Marmalade"
falls two more places to #9, U2's new single enters at #3, and gay Republican
Ricky Martin's new tune, "Loaded," enters the British charts at #19. (Ha
ha.) The theme from Malcolm In The Middle, Boss of Me by They Might Be
Giants, has charted at #21, and Blink 182's single "The Rock Show" is almost
out of the charts at #36.
Full
Monty
(That's really my telly.)
TV in Britain
(Might want to make other plans)
If you think the films you get on cable in the U.S. are bad, you ought
to see what they show here. This week, we're being treated to Feds, Robocop
2, Big Trouble In Little China, Mrs. Winterbourne, The Craft, and Dream
Team. Better stock up on blank videotapes. ER's on summer hiatus, so Wednesdays
aren't looking very good. Malcolm In The Middle and Will & Grace seem
to be making an impact with viewers....they're not changing the channel
immediately....so that's a good sign. Coming soon: The Real Shirley Bassey
(I'm so there), Sex Tips For Girls, Temptation Island (the same
one they showed on Fox), and Porn Night on E4.
School's Out
Britain Quivers in Terror
Sky One has changed its lineup to reflect the summer holidays....instead
of Jenny Jones and Sally Jessy Raphael, they're showing WWF Smackdown and
Pokemon. Too bad guns are illegal here; otherwise, I'd shoot my telly.
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