UK Entertainment News

U.S. Stars in the British Press

She looks like absolute shit, doesn't she?

 Guy & Madge Row After Dinner in London

The biggest story to hit the gossip mills last week in the UK was Guy and Madonna's fight in public in a London restaurant that ended with a tearful Madonna being left to cry it out by Guy.

This week's issue of Heat, burning a hole through my scanner. 1 pound 45 for that rag? Costs about as much as toilet paper!

 Julia Roberts, Catherine Zeta-Jones Not Actually Same Woman

Long-lashed Hollywood Harlots Seen In Same Place At Same Time

Everything's on track for Zeta-Jones, now that she knows which ass to kiss.

 Paparazzi Catches Cattrall Falling On Her Ass

Kim Cattrall falls on her ass after catching her very expensive heel in a subway grate. This is only one photo from a 7-photo, 2 page spread of the event, featured in this week's Heat magazine.

Scraping The Bottom Of The Barrel!

Let's Look In The Mirror

 Woman Sentenced After Microwaving Cat
  Banned From Keeping Pets For Five Years

"Nadine Trewin cooked her six-year-old tabby Sasha for a minute after she was bitten by a flea." 

 Full Monty

Yikes. What a bitch. That woman whose dog was thrown into traffic would have a heart attack if she found out that THIS woman got no jail time.

 Couple Trapped In Lift For 8 Days

"'We knew our chances were slim. The worst day was the fourth ... after the food ran out.'"

 Full Monty

Mamma Mia. 

 Man Regains Sight After Transplanting Tooth To His Eye

"A blind builder can see for the first time in five years after an operation to transplant a tooth into one of his eyes."

 Full Monty

That is messed up!

Top Of The Pops

Mariah Carey's new single, "Loverboy," makes an unimpressive debut at #12. Robbie Williams holds on to the #1 spot with "Eternity," "Lady Marmalade" falls two more places to #9, U2's new single enters at #3, and gay Republican Ricky Martin's new tune, "Loaded," enters the British charts at #19. (Ha ha.) The theme from Malcolm In The Middle, Boss of Me by They Might Be Giants, has charted at #21, and Blink 182's single "The Rock Show" is almost out of the charts at #36.

 Full Monty

(That's really my telly.)

TV in Britain

(Might want to make other plans)

If you think the films you get on cable in the U.S. are bad, you ought to see what they show here. This week, we're being treated to Feds, Robocop 2, Big Trouble In Little China, Mrs. Winterbourne, The Craft, and Dream Team. Better stock up on blank videotapes. ER's on summer hiatus, so Wednesdays aren't looking very good. Malcolm In The Middle and Will & Grace seem to be making an impact with viewers....they're not changing the channel that's a good sign. Coming soon: The Real Shirley Bassey (I'm so there), Sex Tips For Girls, Temptation Island (the same one they showed on Fox), and Porn Night on E4.

School's Out

Britain Quivers in Terror

Sky One has changed its lineup to reflect the summer holidays....instead of Jenny Jones and Sally Jessy Raphael, they're showing WWF Smackdown and Pokemon. Too bad guns are illegal here; otherwise, I'd shoot my telly.
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