Vol 146 - You Can Indict My Pigg

This just in...

NRA opens new branch office in Pelham, Alabama.

More details as they come in...

For me, the hardest thing to write is back-and-forth dialog.
That's why it's been a year since we heard from Poker at Al's.


I may have found a new vehicle.
Putting PigBoy and Doc Meng on trial.

See Eargasm #21.

It's not that good, but I had a lot of fun writing it.

Still Wednesday   (Update)

Mark McGwire   42
Sammy Sosa       42

Koresh, this is exciting,

Odds are decent that tommorow,
Tony Gwynn will get his 3,000th hit
and McGwire miiiiiiight get his 500th home run.

Those two milestones have never been reached in the same year before - by anyone.
Tonite, it might happen in the same game.

Screw cable - Buy a dish.

Wednesday, the 4th

Rush spent the first 30 minutes ragging on Hillary's interview saying,
"Nobody cares what you have to say, Mrs. Clinton."

But Pigboy,

You've spent your entire career ragging on these two people.
Now you say you don't care to hear from them?

We're in the second half-hour and he's going on and on and on and on
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
about how close he is to George Brett.

Pigboy, talk about nobody cares!

With your hundred million dollars and all your political connections,
George Brett is the most famous person you've ever met in your Nazi life?
You haven't really done very well at all, have you?

Oh, fucking gag me with a swastika!

Now he's claiming, "Everywhere I go, people come up to me and say how much they
loved that Ron Brown video, and how that was the highlight of my TV show."
Goddamn, Rush, you should be so fucking proud of yourself.

Remember, he played that video a thousand times.
He played it in slow-motion.
He played it upside down.
He played it backwards.
He played it frame-by-fucking-frame.

The president - caught crying at the funeral of his best friend.

Yep, that's a high-class thing to have on your resume, Pigboy.


Two and a half hours later,
he's still yapping about how he doesn't care what Hillary says.

Pigboy, if you don't care,

...talk about something else.

Do you think your listeners want to hear you complain for three hours
that you wish you weren't talking about Bill and Hillary Clinton?

Just a reminder...

You know how Rush is always saying,

"Liberals might mean well, but it takes more than good intentions.
 It's the results that counts."

 Well, the stock market has gone from 3500 under Butch to 11,000 under Clinton.

If you want results, vote Democrat.

 To criticize Clinton, you either need to be a lying, nazi whore or
 you need the economic brain of a Spice Girl. (Sen Pissquik, OK)

               Shock Jock Stern Champions Local Surf Shop
                              Doc Meng `picking on' South Coast Plaza store, says Stern.
                      By STACY BROWN

                      SOUTH COAST PLAZA-- The self-proclaimed King of All
                      Media has become a knight in shining armor to the owner of a
                      besieged South Coast Plaza store.
                           After being accused earlier this week by radio personality Dr.
                      Laura Schlessinger of stocking a porn magazine, store owner Tom
                      Moore has gotten a heavy-hitting defender.
                           Syndicated radio shock-jock Howard Stern urged listeners to shop
                      at the Beach Access surf shop and to ignore Schlessinger, who
                      vowed never to go to the store again after seeing a shelf containing
                      Big Brother magazine.
                           "She shouldn't be picking on the little people," Stern said on his
                      national show. "People should go there and buy something to protest
                      her." Late Friday another radio talk show host joined the fray, ripping
                           Tom Leykis, the drive-time host on KLSX radio and an avowed
                      enemy of Schlessinger, urged his listeners to support Beach Access
                      by going to the store as well as turning on their car headlights.
                           "Dr. Laura is using a nuclear weapon to kill a bug," Leykis said.
                      "My goal is to see to it that the store is jam-packed before I go off
                      the air." A store official said sales increased after the comments by
                      Stern and Leykis.
                           "It really helped; we are very pleased," said the official, who did
                      not want to be identified. "I know (store owner Tom Moore) is happy
                      about it." The controversy began Sunday when Schlessinger walked
                      into the store with her son. While browsing a shoe counter,
                      Schlessinger noticed Big Brother magazine, a skateboard publication
                      printed by Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt, who once had
                      published unauthorized nude photos of Schlessinger.

Flynt ALSO published those pictures?
Larry Flynt owes me money!

                           Schlessinger told her audience that the store had a pornographic
                      magazine in a place where children could easily see it. Moore said
                      the magazine was there by accident, something that he said could
                      have been explained to Schlessinger had she afforded the store
                      manager an opportunity to do so.

Doc Meng, rallying the troops to give more money so she can save the children
from the bad, bad surfer magazine. It's a fact that most children get their pornography
from beachfront surfboard shacks.

Doc Meng, you whore.
How many millions will you make from THIS scam?

How many millions is enough, Doc Meng?
How many tens of millions is enough, Doc Meng?

Doc Meng, if I'm lying about your 100 percent whoreness,
why don't you take me to court and make me print a retraction?

Doc Meng - please... I'm asking reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal nice.
I'm even whispering, Doc Meng.

Listen REAL close...

Come get me.

Join forces with Pigboy, if you have to save on attorney expenses,
since you only make $20,000,000 fucking dollars a year.

...and I promise I won't even hire an attorney.
I wouldn't LET anybody else speak for me.

Yeah,   ...Yeah!

The best team that you phony frauds can buy against Ol' BartCop and the truth..


Pay Per View!

We'll get the governor of some small, northern state to referee,

and I'll kick your ass real hard in any court in any state,


ha ha

You can keep the Pay-Per-View money,
I'll make money with my reputation after the show.

...lying, Nazi Republican frauds...

Gennifer Flowers was on Hard Ball with Chris the Catholic Monday.

She said to check her web site for "proof" about the Clinton murders.

ha ha

When you go there, it starts with a warning that it may take a long time to load,
"due to the sophisticated nature of data necessary."

What language is that?

The second thing you see is a lipstick imprint of Gennifer's lips.
These are the lips that went down on the governor of Arkansas for twelve years,
that is, if you can believe a lady who strips with a snake between her legs.

Then, you see a picture of Gennifer with her clothes on!!!

I am not kidding.
Hey, Genn, Ol' BartCop has a tip for you.

Fur sells.

She calls herself, "The Most Dangerous Woman in America."
How self-serving can a whore get?

I guess Star Magazine is the most dangerous publication, too?

ha ha

You really should check this site.

Then you get "Gennifer's Links."
You get such important links as US Customs, the ATF, the Navy, the Marines, the FBI.
the CIA, you know, allllllllllllll the regular links you and I need to make it through the day.

Then you get to the big one - the Clinton Body Count.
According to Chris the Catholic, this nutty Body Count has become such a fucking joke
that even Jerry Falwell has stopped claiming it's true.

Gennifer Flowers, one of the great legal minds in America today,
included Jim McDougal as one of Clinton's "victims."


This story was broken right here at bartcop.com
Clinton had McDougal whacked like Frankie Pentangele to keep Jim Guy Tucker quiet.

ha ha

Poor Jim McDougal died a sick and lonely old man in Ken Starr's custody,
and Gennifer lists him as a Clinton victim?

Larry Eight-Wives King has said this 1,000 times:
Clinton is blessed with the stupidest enemies in the world.

Rush said Clinton took a "big hit" with this Chris the Catholic interview.
"Right there - on NATIONAL CABLE TV."

ha ha

Rush, if Jerry Falwell doesn't even believe it anymore,
why do you think sane Americans will buy it?

Plus, I gotta ask, Pigboy...
If Clinton is whacking his enemies, how are you still alive?

Gennifer also lists Admiral Boorda, Ron Brown and hundreds of others.
It's must reading - if you care about your country.

ha ha


I wish there was a bartcop.com body count page.
There's a lot of people who piss me off.
I need to whack more people.

One last thing:

Gennifer - Where is Sparky the Snake?

Sparky has fans, too.

You really should have a picture of Sparky on your web site.

People like snakes.

Genn, a free tip from Ol' BartCop..

genniferflowers.com doesn't catch on real good.

You need a catchy-ass title for your Web Page of Truth and Credibility.

A catchy dot.com name for your "product" to sell.
(I forget - what are you selling at your dot.com, Gennifer?)

My idea will make you millions.
Put up pictures of Sparky the Snake along with your Penthouse pictures and call it:

Forked-Tongues and Fur

That's a web site I'm going to visit every day!

There's some new Monkey Mail up, Numbers Twelve and Thirteen.
I sure had fun with their spaghettification.

I also have a lot of new Eargasms ready to go, if I can only find the time.

Mark McGwire    41
Sammy Sosa         41

Monday, Rush said Chrissie Hynde took his song away from him.
(Ms. Hynde has a group, The Pretenders. She wrote "My City Was Gone,"
 about a trip home to Cleveland and seeing shopping malls where a park once was.
 Rush has been using that as his theme song for a decade.)

He can't play his theme song anymore.

ha ha

Does anybody know Chrissie's e-mail?
I'll bet she'd let Ol' BartCop use it FREE!

ha ha

As always, he only gave half the story, so allow me to surmise:
He's been using that song ever since I've been listening, since 1991 or so.
He said the last four years he was paying a "negotiated fee,"
which I assume means he worked out a deal with Ms. Hynde.
Why she would consider dealing with a Nazi Pigboy, I can't imagine.

Maybe it was a lot of money, since he does have a big audience,
and he was playing it three times a day, so maybe Ms. Hynde was
dumping all that cash into PETA.  Rush hates animals with all his heart.
(He was arrested when he was 12 for poking his dog's genitals with a fork.)

But for whatever reason, she has denied him the discount.
It's my understanding she can't stop him from using the song,
she just wants to make him pay for it, and he's just too goddamn cheap
to pay the regular fee, even tho he's pulling down $2,000,000 every month.

So for some damn reason, he's substituting "She Drives Me Crazy,"
by the Fine Young Cannibals, which was a bad song ten years ago.

Chrissie said "No more, Pigboy."

ha ha

Mark McGwire hit home run #40 today.
Go Mark.

America's game.


on Wiretap Charge

Bitch is Missing

ELLICOTT CITY, Md. (AP) - A grand jury indicted Linda Tripp (R-Pigg) today for
raping her "friend" and repeatedly stabbing her in the back with her little secret scheme,
taping her phone conversations with Monica Lewinsky. She was charged with breaking
Maryland wiretapping laws.

Mrs. Tripp, whose tapes led to impeachment of the president, becomes the
only central figure in the Lewinsky scandal to face criminal charges.

ha ha fucking ha ha

State Prosecutor Stephen Montanarelli said the grand jury indicted Mrs. Tripp on
one count of illegal interception of a phone conversation on Dec. 22, 1997, after
she had been told by her lawyer that the taping was illegal.  The other count was for
disclosing the contents of that conversation to Newsweek magazine.

Wiretapping in Maryland is punishable by up to five years in prison
and a $10,000 fine for each offense.

The rape-by-tape-recorder conversations were released publicly by the ditto-monkey
House Managers  before they impeached the best president we've ever had
on bullshit-trumped-up charges of perjury and obstruction.
He was acquitted by the slightly-more-sane Senate after a goofy-kangaroo-circus trial.

Mrs. Pigg turned the tapes over to Po' Kenny Starr under a grant of immunity from federal
prosecution. But the deal did not protect her from prosecution by her home state.

Ignorance of the law is a valid defense in this case. But Mrs. Tripp, who made more than
20 hours of tapes from her Columbia, Md. home, testified for Starr's grand jury that she
taped several conversations in late 1997 even after an attorney told her it was illegal.

Mrs. Tripp's attorney, Joseph Murtha, asked that Mrs. Tripp be allowed to surrender voluntarily,
rather than being arrested.

There was no sign of Mrs. Tripp today at her home. No one answered a knock on the door and
neighbors said they had not seen her for about a week.

ha ha

Jailtime for Linda the Pigg!
Jailtime for Linda the Pigg!
Jailtime for Linda the Pigg!

Where is she?
Slow Bronco chase with a gun in her mouth?

ha ha

She should do at least as much time as Susan McDougal, who was fucking  innocent.
(Only 42 days till I meet Susan McDougal)

Mindspring tells me I have 999 e-mail messages.
They say that's why I haven't been getting all my e-mail.


They say anything sent the last few days didn't make it.
If you sent something to RL-LNW,
please re-send it after midnight tonite.

The Ediotr

Apparently, I've had this mail problem for months.
I'd delete some mail, say on the 15th, then later I'd find a bunch of
new mail from the first and and second of the month.
This is why.

Last night, I deleted a couple of hundred old messages and now
I've got a shipload of new Monkey Mail.


I would so much rather get Monkey Mail than praise mail.
I can publish the Monkey mail.

Breaking News...

NRA Opens Branch Office in Atlanta.

More details as they come in...


Barry Sanders is lying.

Barry Sanders claims he's going to retire, but he's not.
He's lying.

Barry's from Oklahoma.
Every time he talks contracts, he holds out and extorts the poor Detroit Lions.
He could catch Walter Payton in career yardage, so he's not going anywhere.

He's just whoring for more money, like Limba.
Sanders already has more millions than he could ever spend, like Limba,
but he wants more and more and more - he must be a Republican, like Limba
Tens of millions or hundreds of millions is never enough for them.

You watch - you saw it here first.

He's playing this year.

...and Barry calls himself such a good Christian, it makes me sick.

Since the day he took office, Bill Clinton has been accused of gutting the military.

He's been accused of  decimating the military.
He's been accused of  defanging the military.
He's been accused of  destroying the military.
He's been accused of  downsizing the military.
He's been accused of  demoralizing the military.
He's been accused of  ruining the military.

So it makes sense that the next Republican president will have no choice
but to double or triple the military budget to erase the harm done by Bill Clinton.

That  sounds like a tax increase.

Governor Butch,

Will you promise right now that you will NOT raise taxes?
If you won't make that promise, Governor,  can you tell us how many hundreds
of billions you will ask to come out of our pockets?

As a certain lying Pigboy says, "Who's money IS THAT, Governor?"


...and don't give us any crap about, "We'll have to wait and see."
You're running for president, Sonny-boy.
You're supposed to have a plan NOW.

We're not going to fall for this "trust me" bullshit.
We want to know the plan before we cast our ballot.

Mondale lost 1984 largely because he was honest.   Mondale said,
"I'm going to raise your taxes, and Reagan is going to raise your taxes. (He did.)
 The difference is...   I'm being honest about it."

Mondale lost 75 states that year.

In 1998, your daddy LIED to America, saying "Read my Lips. No new taxes"
He went on to being elected president on that lie.
Dukakis lost 83 states in 1988 because he was the honest guy in that race.

Those lying lips then proposed the biggest tax increase in history.
Matter of fact, catch a Repub with his guard down and he'll say Butch's tax increase
is what started the current economic boom, but then they realize that would mean
Butch taxed us into prosperity like Clinton did, so they'll take it back.

So, Governor,
is it your intention to lie to us,   to get elected,   just like your Daddy?

Or will you be honest with us, like the Democrats?

I'm so Koreshdamn excited,
I should probably wait until I calm down to send this, but I won't.

I'm going to meet Susan McDougal.

 Look at her - doing HARD prison time for her principles with a smile on her face.

She's coming to Knuckledrag, OK September 10th.
I called Knuckledrag Demo HQ and they said tickets were only $100.
I'm going to drop by with some ADM money and buy at least two tickets.

They said they also will auction off the table where Susan will sit for $3000.
I might just get froggy and buy the table for me & Mrs. BartCop.

Cheeses, I'm excited about this.

The chance to look Ol' Suze right in the eyes and say
"Thank you" is worth so much more to me than $200, I just can't tell you.

 If there's time, I'd like to say:

"Thank you for sticking to your guns.

 Thank you for making that prick Ken Starr EAT IT in front of all America.

 Thank you for choosing that cold prison cell with that shitty prison food
 over your freedom at the hands of that disgusting prick, Starr.

 Thank you for having the courage to face another 30 years in prison
 if the trial had gone bad.

 Thank you for, to some degree, saving our constitution.
 If you'd had less courage, and agreed to help that prick Starr, his witchhunt
 would probably have been successful, meaning BIG CANCER and their
 bought-and-paid-for federal judges would've gotten their wish to get Clinton,
 and then every president from now on would've had to worry about his
 political enemies financing a scandal to erase the elections results and
 throw out our right to choose our leaders.

 Thank you, Suze, for everything you've done for this country."

 We had a lil' vacation scheduled around that time, but screw that.
 We're going to meet Susan McDougal.

 Damn, I need to calm down.

 Suze, Honey, I'm counting the days - 44 days till I look in your eyes.
 I guess everyone at this party will say, "Thank you," but Suze,
 you won't get a more sincere "Thank you" than the one from Ol' BartCop.

 Koresh, I have tears in my eyes as I write this.
 I may turn into a babbling fool when the time comes,
 so maybe I'll write down what I want to say and just hand it to her.

 For me, this is like meeting Jefferson, Lincoln or Clinton.

 44 days...

Party at BartCop Manor?

You mean because it's Friday,
...and I'm going to meet Susan McDougal,
...and because Linda the Pigg was indicted,
...and there's some more incredible news that'll have to wait til tommorow,

You think I'd use that as an excuse to party?

ha ha

...my spelling is declining faster than the future of George "The Brand" Butch.

ha ha

I can't say much,
because I can't say much.

The news is all good.

Trust me, tune in tomorrow.
I have some good news.
I have a good idea that might affect you!

Check back.


Ohhhhh, my head hurts...

Hey, wait...

If this is Saturday, why is Tim the Catholic on my TV?


It's Sunday?


I need to remember I'm not as young as I used to be.
There was a time when I could party and not lose a day.

I have to be careful when I get good news.

Things are looking so good, I find myself double-checking elevators before I step into them.
All I need to do is stay alive for another 41 days,  ...no,  ...make that 40 days.

The good news?

Tulsa's top Democrat called Friday.
He said they're having a "special private cocktail reception" for Susan McDougal,
right before the dinner,  and it would only cost two hundred extra.


Do I have $200 to spend on the lady who saved our Constitution?

ha ha

Is a bear Catholic?

To meet Susan McDougal, I have two large.

So, the good news I mentioned yesterday, ...I mean Friday?
Not only will I meet Susan McDougal, we're going to have cocktails.
I almost certainly will get to have a conversation with her.

I asked the very nice lady at Demo HQ if that meant I could shake her hand.
She said, "I understand Suze is a hugger!"



Ol' BartCop wants a hug.
I've never hugged history before.

Ol' BartCop wants to say, "Job well done, Suze."
My heart's not used to this kind of excitement.

Thank goodness for Mrs. BartCop.
I told her I wanted to hand a handful of hundreds to Suze, and say,
"Since you ate that awful prison food for years, go have some nice dinners on Ol' BartCop."

Mrs. BartCop told me to be discreet and hand her a card with the cash inside.
Mrs. BartCop always knows what to do.
Plus, she's physic!
Remind me to tell that story sometime.

Also, I mentioned that part where it might include you?

This is a "let's look at it," situation, but what if a few dozen of you wrote some
personal comments along the lines of,  "I'm sorry you had to eat prison food for
two years to keep the constitution viable, Ms. McDougal,"


"I sure am sorry you had the bad fortune to be a friend of Bill Clinton
when the most hated man in America let his sexual demons loose on you,"


"Thank you for having more cajones than Robbie Knievel when you had to stare down
that sex-crazed, leak-leakin', wild-cannon, partisan, truck-exploding, tobacco whore,
thereby securing free elections in America thereof."


...I'm back.

If I collect a bunch of salutations from you,  the people, I'd print them out and
pay some printer to bundle them up in a really nice package and give it to her.

As far as I know, Susan McDougal has no trophies on her wall..
She has no plaques.
She has no ribbons.

That's not right.

All she has is our respect and a lot of legal bills.
Far as I know, this is the first public appearance she's ever done.

I'm sure Susan has legal bills, and it wasn't even her fault she was arrested!
Susan's "crime" was being married to a guy who did some business with the governor
who went on to become a great president and who had powerful enemies.

That's Susan McDougal's "crime."

Her lawyer?

Mark Garagos is a better lawyer than Ol' BartCop.
For all I know, he's undefeated, too.
ha ha

I'm sure he's not cheap.

Garagos, along with the courage of Susan McDougal, kicked Starr right in the balls.
I'd like to shake his hand, too.

But the bottom line,
when it counted MOST,
Ol' Suze delivered!

When I heard that I might be sipping cocktails with Ol' Suze,
I went to the legalized drug outlet known as a liquor store and bought
some Grey Goose vodka and I tried out a new tequila - TequilaConquistador Anejo.

Nice, golden goose-neck bottle...
100 percent De Agave Azul, whatever that means...

From their lil' book:
Tequila Conquistador Anejo uses exclusively blue agave cultivated in
the Valley of Capilla de Guadalupe, Jalisco, which has very rich red soil
and very little humidity, ideal for the cultivated of the best blue agave.

Tequila Conquistador Anejo is aged in barrels of French Oak,
and is recommended to be taken by itself.

ha ha

I took some Friday night.
Tequila shooters, chased by Rock Island Teas.

You know I have a rule about not drowning the taste of fine liquor,
(I break a lot of rules.)
For this one, special occasion. I bought some fine Conquistador tequila, for $40.
It was much tastier than Sammy's Wabo Cabo $50 tequila that doesn't get you off.
I mixed it with the fabulous Grey Goose vodka, for the most fine Rock Island Tea.

You see, there's a regular Rock Island Tea celebratory cocktail,
and then there's the Linda-the Pigg-got-indicted-today-going-to-have-cocktails-with
Susan-McDougal-decadent-Super-Rock-Island-Tea that I'll tell you about now.

Start with 2 ounces of Conquistador Anejo Gold in a BIG glass.
Add 2 ounces of France's finest Grey Goose distilled vodka.
Now get some Minute Maid Concentrated Lime juice in a 6 oz can.
Mix the concentrated lime juice with ONE can of water, screw what the label says.

Mix in 2 ounces of the lime juice concoction.
(I've never used the word concoction before. Hope I spelled it right.)

Now get a can of Coke.
Not a bottle
not a liter
not Pepsi
it must be a can of Coca-Cola.

Mix in 2 ounces of Coke.

You have 2 ounces of Grey Goose.
You have 2 ounces of Conquistador tequila.
You have 2 ounces of lime juice and
You have 2 ounces of canned Coke.

Two is an easy number to remember, and that comes in handy later...

Throw in some ice and you have BartCop's Rock Island Tea.
That's a victory drink.

Repeat as necessary,

ha ha

That's what we drink when the Democrats win the White House.
That's what we drink when a judge throws out Paula Jones's frivolous suit.
That's what we drink when the Senate finds Clinton "totally innocent."
That's what we drink when Clinton makes Snoot Gingrich GOPAC,   ha ha.
That's what we drink when we get invited to sip cocktails with Ms. McDougal.
(I paid $40,000 for that goddamn recipe, so you HAVE to like it.)

If it's just another Clinton-made-them-eat-it-again-today Rock Island Tea,
you can use Jose Cuervo and Smirnoff, but you have to use canned Coke.

Friday night was really something.
I have a pro-shot bootleg video of Page/Plant in Las Vegas that we were
saving for a special occasion, and this was a very special occasion.
We rocked the neighborhood Friday night.

Is it really Sunday?
I remember watching Dennis Miller late Friday,
Was he any good?
I hope I taped it.

Oh, that's right.

During Dennis Miller, the ghost of Sam Kinison dropped by...
Now I remember why I don't remember...

I think I remember something about Mark McGwire hitting a home run yesterday.
Marc and Sammy are really heating up the summer with their home run duel.
Good old Mark McGwire. We owe him a debt, too.
There's only four men that can make me cry, he's one of them

Uh-Oh, someone's at the front door.

It's a Knuckledrag Homicide detective.
Apparently I killed that Conquistador...


This will make more sense later.
I'll rewrite this when my head clears.

I'm serious, tho, about you writing to Susan McDougal.
Send 200 words or so, something that would fit on one page.

She spent a lot of nights in a cold prison cell, not necessarily for you,
but because of her,  voting for president still means something.

Wouldn't it make her heart feel good to read a "thank you" from we,  the people?

Matter of fact, what if you sent me a check made out to Susan McDougal,
I'll bet she can figure out a way to cash it  AND...
when your check comes back from the bank you might have have her autograph!


I, of course have no authority to offer this,
but if you'd pay $10 or $20 for her autograph,
I think I can guarantee she'll get the checks,
but only she could guarantee you an autograph.

I'll try to contact her people and see if we can get a guarantee
that Susan would personally sign/endorse the checks.

How cool!

Keep in mind: Until/unless I'm able to contact Susan or her people,
                      this is only an idea, not an offer.

But, wouldn't it be prestigious to have a cancelled, hundred-dollar check
with Susan McDougal's autograph on the back?

Susan McDougal - American Hero
Susan McDougal - Profile in Courage
Susan McDougal - Principles Over Politics
Susan McDougal - One Brave Woman Against the Weight of Big Government.

She went to jail so your vote would still count.
 ...you could at least get her autograph...

Breaking News

Butch Jr. Caught in Sex-Torture Scandal

Click HERE  for the Full Story

Great Quotes

Eight-Wives: Bill, what do you think of Liddy Dole's candidacy?

Maher:  You're kidding, right?

Eight-Wives: You don't like her?

Maher: Liddy Dole is so boring, she makes Al Gore look like Ricky Martin.

I have something that may be shocking.
This isn't a gag.

Click here

...and let me know what you've heard about this.

Bill Clinton has made a lot of mistakes since he's been president.

Oh, sure, he's hit a lot of tape-measure home runs, to be sure,
but I don't like paying for his mistakes when they're so easy to avoid.

His last big mistake was the way he closed the Kosovo matter.
I haven't even kept up with it much, I expected him to do that.

The last thing I heard from Clinton on Kosovo was,
"As long as Milo is in charge, we won't help with any rebuilding."

C'mon, Bill.
You're smarter than that.
That's not how you put a deal together.
You've put deals together before, haven't you Bill?
Why screw this one up?
In this case, the phrasing of the offer could've had a faster resolution
and we could drive our own deal right down their throats.

(I remember when Butch stopped pounding Saddam back in 1991.
 It was incredibly bad decision-making on Butch's part.
 Butch said he read the UN order, whatever it was called,
 and he "could find no basis" for getting Saddam.
 Hey, Butch!
 Do the words "by all means necessary" give you any clues?
 You give Ol' BartCop our military and the phrase "by all means necessary"
 and I'll show you how to win friends and influence people.)

But, that was Butch's Bungle.
This is Clinton's bungle.
Here's how Clinton could have framed our position:

OK, Serbs, here's the deal.
Dump Milo in 30 days, and we'll help you rebuild.
After 30 days, it's your baby.

Right away - problem solved.
My way, we lose Milo right now or we don't have to write any checks.
Clinton's way,  Milo's still in charge and we'll still have to pay later.

You dropped the ball, Bill.
Good thing you saved America's economy and wiped out the deficits
and reversed the Reagan error or I'd be more angry with you.

Letter in USA Today

Mourners: Get a Grip

My sympathies to reader Brian Lynch and the many millions of Americans like him.
(Camelot a 'Beacon of hope,' Letters, Wednesday)

His life must be pretty bleak to start with if the death of John F. Kennedy Jr.
would cause "a bright spot on (his) horizon to go dark."

Honestly, folks, can't you get your feet on the ground?

Think of what you missed last week because you were too
busy feeling sorry for yourselves and wallowing in pity.
If an event such as this causes such depression, what
will you do when something serious happens in your lives?
No wonder the country can't get anything accomplished.

                                                                 Julian Cheney
                                                             Punta Gorda, FL

Julian, I have some really bad news.
          and some really good news
          and I have a question.

First, let's look at the bad news.

My sources tell me Ronald Reagan is very near death.
He might survive the week, he might survive the month,
but we're going to lose Ronald Reagan very, very soon.
I'm not happy about that, it's just a fact.

Unlike the Republican party,
we don't wish death on Americans who disagree with us politically.

Now, the good news.

When former President Reagan dies, you won't have to put up with a nation obsessed with the
sadness of his passing.    I predict if you take away the Rush Limba show and Fox News,
there won't be a lot of "distractions" when he passes away.

We'll have no trouble keeping our feet on the ground that week.
We won't spend a lot of time feeling sorry for ourselves that week.
We won't spend a lot of time wallowing in pity that week.
We won't miss a lot that week.

...feel better, Julian?

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