Vol 158 - Beat the Press

My Broken Heart

I had my heart broken once again over the weekend.
I got e-mail from a guy saying my website had been "hijacked," sort of.
This e-mail said there's a new service called ThirdVoice.

He said a group of BartCop-haters put comments on my web site that were impossible to aviod.
I envisioned that a group of ditto-monkeys had banded together to defeat me in a battle of ideas.
(As tho I would prevent a ditto-monkey's comments from getting on my page.)

Think of that poor, scared fellow at  rushonline.com  who ignores my challenge to debate.
I foolishly let my hopes get real high.

It took a while to DL the software and to read up on how to get it working.
When I finally found the "attack," it was a group of ditto-monkeys who did nothing more
than call me a "name-caller."

Can you believe that?

I thought, FINALLY, I'd found someone who was willing to debate, but noooooooooo.
They were low-level, enlisted ditto-chimps, with nothing of substance.
They called me names, and the name they called me was, "name caller."
It broke my heart.

Granted, I call a "pig," a "pig," on this website, but it's my opinion that I've addressed
every topic that's out there, and I've given my reasons, and I've asked for all who disagree
to write to me so I can print their letters, but I never get a challenge.

But hey, all's not lost.

If we can post messages against the web site owner's wishes,
maybe I should spend some time at rushonline.com and drlaura.com
(Pigboy doesn't have the balls to have a website.)

Y'know, I never claimed I was always right.
What I claimed was that I could back up what I was saying,

If you sheep can't defend your beliefs, why do you believe in them?

Rush had a Pretty Rough Monday

His second hour was dedicated to the idea that stupid people make the best presidents.
I am not kidding, that's what he said.
If the chicken-shit coward had his show archived, you could read it yourself.

Rush said even though Governor Blow Monkey is more stupid than a bag of hair,
he'll make a great president, "like the last brainless idiot we elected, Ronald Reagan."
He said, "All the smart presidents have been disasters."

Then the poor bastard forgot which side of the slur he was on,
and declared that Vice President Al Gore was, without a doubt,
the stupidest candidate in recorded history.

The poor, demented pig...

...in a way,
it's sad to see a once-sharp mind deteriorate so rapidly.

Do any of you Catholics know who the patron saint of a failing mind is?

How to Make Your Life Easier

 "Just admit to yourselves that 'Rush is Right', and you'll be amazed
 at how your lives will change for the better!"

 --Herr Limbaugh, der Grosse Scheizkopf,  sprechen sie ein 12/10/99

The Bush Body Count?

I knew those shifty eyes were hiding something...


Shaking Like a Bunny

I got e-mail from this dude asking why I didn't have the balls to debate him.
He said he never heard back from me, and was I too scared to face him?

Here's the reason, pal.

 ----- The following addresses had transient non-fatal errors -----

 ----- Transcript of session follows -----
 451 <DERIC1@prodigy.net>... prodigy.net: Name server timeout
 Warning: message still undelivered after 1 day
 Will keep trying until message is 3 days old

Next time you're looking for a hot debate,
it would help if you were reachable.

Drive By BartCop

Republicans say instead of writing new gun laws,
Clinton and Reno should enforce the gun laws already on the books.

Yet Republicans are insane with rage that the ATF went to Waco with a valid warrant to
search for illegal weapons. Republicans are also mad that the FBI went to Randy Weaver's
house with a valid warrant to search for illegal weapons.

Gee, it's almost like the GOP doesn't know what they want.


I've been meaning to say this for weeks:
Isn't that new Santana song, "Smooth" a killer?



Just watched "Curse of the Blair Witch," the making of Blair Witch Project.
They say the original Blair Witch was Catholic.

...that explains everything,


Did you see Dr. Laura on Leno last week?

She put away all that Nazi hate and acted like a lady for the TV audience.
Why do they always do that?
Pigboy is the same way.
When he's on with Tim the Catholic or Paula Zahn,
He puts away all that seething hate and acts like a human being.

What's the point?
Why do they put on the charade?
Why can't they show America what they're really like?

Why can't they just be themselves?


Ickes for the Defense

Saw Harold Ickes on Meet the Whore 12/12.
Harold Ickes knows what he's doing, and he doesn't take shit off anybody.

I told Mrs. BartCop, when they catch me,
if we can't get Clinton to defend me, get Harold Ickes.

Harold Ickes in action is something to behold.
Koresh, I was so disappointed Starr didn't indict him.
Ickes didn't have to be polite - he would've fought back.
Starr was so shell-shocked by then, he didn't dare indict Ickes.

Yes, I want Ickes for the defense.


Jimmy Kimmel on Fox NFL Pre-Game

Kimmel said he hated stupid-ass questions from reporters.
Minutes later, they staged a phony press conference.
The first question from a reporter was a typical stupid-ass question,
so Jimmy beat him silly with a metal baseball bat.

Not quite worthy of a BartCop Lifetime Achievement Award,
but damn close enough that I had to think about it to rule it out.


Wait a goddamn minute...

That Morris idiot was hand-picked to write the Reagan bio, and spent 14 long years
following Reagan around everywhere he went, even meeting with him during intimate
Presidential moments, and he got to know the real Ronald Reagan.
When he wrote his book, and called Reagan an "affable dolt," the GOP howled.
They said it was a bunch of crap trying it's best to resemble a biography.

But when a money-grubbing whore like Gail Sheehy writes a book explaining Hillary Clinton's
innermost thoughts, everyone accepts it as fucking gospel?

Could someone explain that to me?

Gail Sheehy = True source of Hillary's most private thoughts.
Reagan's Morris = Never had a clue what he was writing about.


The Chocolate came in.

I wasn't sure I'd be at home, so I had them ship it to my old office.
The staff called and told me I had a package there.

I opened the box and the scent of this chocolate filled the air.
People, especially the women, became very interested and gathered around.
I broke open a box and gave triangles to everybody.
Smiles and wide-eyed glances were exchanged.
Koresh, then it sounded like a goddamn Calligula movie.

Soon, there were sighs and low, gutteral moanings.
The faint cries of, "Oh, God,  ...yes...yes,   ...Oh, yes..." filled the air.
I knew what was next, so I grabbed the treasure and ran.

Chocolate is a lot like tequila.
There's no price too high to pay for quality.


How'd the name "BartCop" come about?

Years ago, on Prodigy, I was slicing up some ditto-monkey, and.
a guy named Kevin said I was "meaner than Black Bart."
A lady named Lynn said, "You whipped that loser like an angry cop."

The Bart and the Cop stuck.


Now Hear This

According to the server logs, very few of you are downloading the sound files.
Just under 2 percent of you are listening to the GOP hang themselves.

Kids, these sound files are devastating proof in their own words.

Don't say I'm exaggerating the Hidden Menace if you're not listening to the evidence.
If you've got speakers, go to RealAudio and download Real Player 7 Basic for free.

You need to hear what you're missing.
And you haven't heard Shiite until you hear Tom Delay dance the Macarena.


Say It Isn't So.

We could be in trouble.
One of my sources tells me Dennis Hopper is voting for Steve Forbes.

If they get to Dennis Hopper,  they could get to any of us.


Just curious...

Why aren't any House managers running for President?
Aren't they proud of the job they did?

Why isn't Henry Hyde running?
Why isn't Tom Delay running?

Is that why Governor Blow Monkey once looked so good to them?
Because the stench of impeachment didn't get on him?


Rush's Spectacular Friday

His third hour, Rush went wild.

"Liberals hate success and they love misery.
 If they see happiness, they don't like it.
 Instead of wanting more people to be happy,
 Liberals want everybody to be as miserable as they are."

He went on and on and on.
But, did I tape it?



In that last debate

When asked how he would modify his tax plan if we were to experience budget
deficits again, George "Fredo" Butch stated that no such contingency needs to be addressed,
because his plan was so perfect, it could never result in deficits.

What a cocky prick!
"Bad economic news could never happen under my administration?"

He should lose the nomination just for being a dick.


Dr. Laura Quotes

"Next year, Paramount is producing my new television show.
 I recently met with the top people at the UPN Network.
 I was very happy with them.
 They are so open, proper and honest and family friendly, too.
 It was just like meeting with close friends.
 We share the same values of God and family."

Hey, Doc!

Ever hear of WWF Shakedown?

It's the only show Paramount has in the Top 100.
I've never seen it, but they say it's one long crotch-grabbing,
ass-exposing, tittiefest with a little gay-bashing on the side.

Yeah, Laura, I think you'd be right at home at Paramount
Have they told you what your character will be yet?

Dr. Laura's Website

I went to  http://www.drlaura.com/forum/index.html
and posted an invitation to her fans to check out my tribute page to her.

That would be this page, here.

Do you think she'll sue me?

ha ha

Handgun Control Inc. Accuses Governor Blow Monkey

 Handgun Control Group Blasts Texas Policies -

 -- Handgun Control Incorporated says "hundreds" of convicted felons have been
allowed to keep their handguns, even after they identified themselves to authorities.
The anti-gun group blames Governor Blow Monkey's  "close ties" with the NRA.

Handgun Control says the felons in possession of guns are identified after they
have taken the required courses to carry a concealed handgun in Texas.
State police conduct a background check before issuing the permit.

Mail Bag

From: jmchilds@airmail.net

Subject:   I'd even have your baby

Dear BartCop,

I know you don't print praise letters, but I just had to tell you that
you are the greatest American who ever lived, and I love you.
I hate that disgusting phlemball Rush the PigBoy.

Thanks for sticking up for those of us who are gay.
If you weren't straight, I'd give you Monica for Christmas.
You are the best,

Jay Childs

Who Will Be Biography of the Year?

Ditto-Monkey Mail

From:   artchall@apk.net

Subject:    What planet do you from?

To Whomever

You are dirty-mouthed juvaniel yelling obsenities at the person who gave you the
ass-whopping you so rickly deserve typical liberal facts mena nothing to you you
should be greateful you live in a county where you are alowed to post such some people
arenaturally stupid but you hasabused the privledge you are lossing you loser im
attacking my picture so you know with who your dealing with.

Art Hall



There's soooo much I don't understand about computers,
so don't ask me to explain it, but if you have Internet Exporer
Tom Delay will dance the Macarena on the opening page.

It doesn't work with Netscape, which I personally prefer,
but you HAVE to witness that squirrely bastard dance the Macarena.
He even dances in time to the music!

If you haven't seen/heard it yet, go to www.bartcop.com

Give it a minute to load, and don't look at it with liquid in your mouth.
We will not be responsible if you spew Coke on your keyboard


From:  Matt Harris

 I was listening to the fat bastard when he was talking to the caller whining about Keyes
(I was in full agreement with the caller who was put off w/Keyes pulling the race card...)

 What I liked about another part of the nitwit's diatribe (in addition to his
 letting the media off the hook.....truly a great day in our history), his
 logic went, in part, something like this: Keyes's low numbers CAN'T be because
 he's black, because look at the poll numbers of Gary Bauer and Steve Forbes!
 They're low too, and THEY'RE not black, so it CAN'T be due to his race!

 He's such a weasel teat.

ha ha

It's not Keyes's race that's causing the problem.,
It's the insanity of the GOP's ideas that turns America off.

Rush is right again!

Gun Laws

I got some e-mail asking why Rush and the GOP constantly say:

"Liberals want more and more gun laws passed,
 but they refuse to enforce the laws currently on the books."

I recently wrote about this, wondering what the hell they were talking about.
To hear them tell the story, when a liquor store gets robbed, and the clerk is killed,
Clinton calls the prosecutor and says, "Don't you dare charge that man."

The charge makes no sense, so I got on the telephone.
I called Steve Largent's office.
The lady there said she had no idea what that meant.

I called Jim Pissquik's office.
The lady there said she had no idea.

I called Senator Nichols office.
The lady there put me thru to his Washington office.
The lovely Sara suggested I look up James Traficant's web page.
She said Traficant was the "point man" for the GOP on gun control.
So, I looked up Traficant's web page, and here's what I found.

Go to  http://www.house.gov/traficant/speech.htm   and search for "enforce"

Here's what you get:

Madam Speaker, the White House wants more gun control.
Janet Reno wants more gun control.
But something just does not add up, Madam Speaker.
In the last 5 years, prosecution of gun violators dropped 50 percent.

Excuse me, Sir, but the FBI says crime has dropped drastically under Clinton.
Are you suggesting he's soft on crime because fewer armed robberies occur?

Gun violators serve 25 percent less time in jail,
and many pardons were granted for gun violators.

Excuse me, Sir, but 25 percent less than what?
It's my understanding only the president and governors can issue pardons.
Did Bill Clinton pardon these gun felons?
Could you site the names of the felons and the dates of these pardons?

Now think about it. Fewer prosecutions, early releases, pardons,
but the White House wants more gun control.

Again, Sir, are you saying Clinton ordered these "early releases?"
Please cite the names of the felons and the dates of their release.

Beam me up, Madam Speaker.

Mr. Traficant, please.
We're trying to have an intelligent conversation about these wild accusations
you keep making against the president who cut the crime rate in half.
Please try to be serious, because lives are affected by your legislation.

America does not need more gun control.

Tell that to the families in Columbine and Fort Gibson, Oklahoma

America needs the White House to enforce the gun laws we already have.

Mr. Traficant, are you suggesting that Bill Clinton should order the arrest
of people who have not committed any crimes?    I don't think he'll do that.
And, Sir, if you will provide the names of the gun felons Clinton has ordered freed,
and the dates they were actually freed, and it turns out you're not a lying mother-effer,
I might join with you in condemning President Clinton's behavior.

I yield back all the coddling of these gun violators by this administration.

That statement is even more stupid than "Beam me up."
Tell me, Mr. Traficant, is there any evidence that would make
the GOP drop it's mantra of "More Guns, Less Education?"

bartcop.com  exclusive

Rush Limba Caught Telling the Truth!

The Incredible Pigboy

Thursday, Rush reached new heights of dishonesty, even for him.
Some caller was whining that the GOP won't take Alan Keyes seriously.

Everyone knows the truth is that the GOP won't vote for a black man.
It hasn't ever happened, and it will NOT happen as long as the GOP is run
by white power freaks like Gingrich, Delay, Barr, Lott and Armey the foul-mouthed Dick.
(And don't say Uncle OJ Watts.  Oklahoma didn't vote for Uncle OJ for congress.
 They voted for the quarterback that gave Oklahoma the national college championship.)

The caller blamed the media for the lack of traction by Keyes, and do you know what Rush said?

"It's not the media's fault.
You can't blame the media if you and your message get rejected."

Isn't that amazing?

After a decade of screaming,
"It's the media's fault. The leftist/dominant/liberal/elitist/New York liberal press
refuses to give us Republicans a fair deal - that's why we've lost all these elections."

Once again, Pigboy proves he has the consistency of warm baby shit.
He can't face the facts about the racist GOP, so he reverses a decade of bullshit 180 degrees
and NOW claims the media is blameless if you and your message are rejected by voters.
A perfectly good lie, flushed down the drain to explain away their racism.

Pigboy, you couldn't win a debate with a pencil eraser.

That's why you hide behind that microphone.
That's why you have the tightest-screened calls in radio history.
That's why you refuse to have any guests on the show to call you on your filthy lies.

Rush Limbaugh, you're a big, fat pussy.

Judge Calls Dr. Laura "LIAR"

December 9, 1999

SANTA ANA, Calif. (Reuters) - A judge Wednesday dismissed a $1 million
slander suit brought in July by radio talk show host Dr. Laura Schlessinger
against a surf shop owner she accused of calling her a liar, his attorney  said.

    Schlessinger had said Tom Moore, the owner of Beach Access, tarnished her
reputation when he publicly denied her on-air allegations that he  provided pornographic
materials to children who patronize his store in  Costa Mesa, south of Los Angeles.

    But an Orange County Superior Court judge dismissed her suit
under a state law designed to protect individuals from frivolous suits.
The judge's ruling left in place a defamation suit Moore filed against Schlessinger.

Thanks to Sterling

Milk Chocolate of the Gods

Now that it's December, the temperature has finally fallen into the high fifties.
It's so cold, I'm cooking our Christmas meal on the outdoor grill!

I guess Rush is right
There is no global warming.
Just because it's 60 degrees for Christmas doesn't prove Rush is lying.
When NASA and NOAA  say the Artic icecap is melting, they're just
misleading America to make saints like Rush look bad, the bastards.

Anyway, since it's finally gotten down to 60 degrees in Oklahoma,
I can order the best damn chocolate in the world.


I've mentioned it before, and I'll try not to overdo it this time,
but you can't buy any better-tasting chocolate than they make.
It's so damn good, it's not even on their menu.
You have to ask for the "Break-Up Chocolate that BartCop talks about."

They have lots of fancy gift packages, too.
You can order the milk chocolate package, or the dark chocolate package,
or you can get the "Nut Special," which the GOP orders a lot,
but it's all the best you can possibly get.

If you were caught cheating on your wife and have to come up with something
REALLY special to get you out of the doghouse, buy her this chocolate.
If you're getting ready for your very first date with "Miss Perfect,"
your chances skyrocket if you give her some of this chocolate.

You could give her just one triangle of this chocolate, then tell her
you're saving the rest for the woman who will have your babies.
If you do, be a Boy Scout - and be prepared for some action!
It's better than cocaine, and it's only $7.95 a pound.
At $25 a pound, it would still be a great deal.

Seriously - if these people ever go out of business,
great chocolate will go the way of the honest politician.

I ordered ten pounds yesterday to give away as Christmas gifts.
I'll get out the old triple-beams to make sure nobody gets more
than a pound, because I've got to keep a bunch of this myself.

As always, I'm not getting paid to say these things.
There's no amount of money they could pay me to say this.
Even if  The South's Finest Chocolate offered me a lifetime supply
of their great chocolate, I would never say it if it wasn't 100 percent true.
(However, if they wanted to reward my honesty, that would be acceptable.)

Pound for pound, this is better than Chinaco Tequila,
and when have I ever said that before?

This chocolate must be made by the Devil.
It is sooooooooooo sinful.
Nobody makes chocolate this good.

You can't order this stuff in the summer, cause it'll melt in the UPS truck.
C'mon, get that credit card out while it's still cool outside.


Then write to me and tell me what you thought of this chocolate.

From Free Republic

Coathanger Coalition founder Pat the Rat Robertson told an Oklahoma City audience that
President Clinton "has the morals of an alley cat" but is one of the most brilliant politicians ever.

"The man is a genius, an absolute genius. He's managed to stymie the Congress," Robertson said

Did you all know that Pat Robertson married a pregnant woman?

If you compare Clinton to Pat the Rat Robertson, Clinton is not only smarter,
but he's on the right side of the issues, and he was smart enough to not get his girlfriend pregnant.

But then again, assuming Clinton and Pat the Rat are both "alley cats,"
that would mean Pat the Rat married a loose woman, and Bill Clinton
married a woman who kept her legs together until she was married.

Religious whores are so boring...

Straight From the Horse's Mouth

Maybe I've been wrong about Rush Limba.

I thought Rush hated blacks.
I thought he hated strong women.
I thought he was inconsistent with his criticism of Clinton.

Not only was I wrong, I can prove I was wrong.

Rush likes black people, all of them, and he always shows them great respect.
He especially likes black men of the cloth, men like Jesse Jackson.

Rush respects the Rev. Jesse Jackson and here's PROOF!

Rush likes strong women, too.
Rush really likes Hillary.
No hate in his heart, noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Rush likes strong women like Hillary and here's PROOF!

I used to think Rush was unfairly attacking Clinton for trying to stop Vietnam,
when Rush's ass was too filthy to pass the anything-goes Army physical.
But his Daddy "passed on" the dirty ass trick to young Rusty.
Rusty's Daddy's ass was also too filthy to pass the anything-goes Army physical.

(These Limba men certainly have bad luck trying to join the fighting, don't they?)

Rush isn't a lying hypocrite and here's PROOF!

BartCop: Piigboy, do you consider military service a plus?

Pigboy: I refuse to answer that question.

BartCop: Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile?

Judge: I can hardly imagine a witness more hostile than this bastard.
            Permission granted.

BartCop: Lying Pigboy, do you consider military service a plus?

Pigboy: Well, I'm not running for..

BartCop: Answer the question, Pigboy.
                Do you consider military service a plus?

Pigboy:  Your Honor, he's trying to embarrass me.

Judge:  Answer the question, Pigboy

Pigboy:  Yes, ...I ...consider it a plus...

Click Here

Pigboy, you always claim you got your talent from God.
How do you think God feels listening to you connect His name
with your ugly, race-baiting personal slurs and nasty, money-driven lies?

The final PROOF!

Here's a boatload a great cartoons from Kevin Cunningham.
These will get you in the mood for tonight's debates.






Is Governor Blow Monkey Pro-Rape?


And if he is, would it matter to the "Rule of Law" Republicans?

VCR Alert

Republican Debate Tonight and tonight, they get to ask each other questions....

Hot Tip for Steve Forbes

Hey, Goof-boy, you want to knock Governor Blow Monkey out of the race?
At tonight's debate, ask Butchie this question:

Governor, how many grams are in an ounce?

ha ha

The Blow Monkey is real shy about saying, "I don't know" these days,
because he doesn't want people to know how stupid he really is,
so I'm betting he'll answer the question and I'll bet he gets it right.

The reason he'll get it right is because people who buy cocaine and don't know
how many grams are in an ounce end  up buying a lot of 14 gram "ounces."
Butchie might be stupid, but he's not that stupid.

Or, if that's a little too risky for you, just ask him how many kids he has,
and don't let him answer, "My wife and I have three kids."

Make him give you a comprehensive total - then he's cooked.

...by the way, the correct answer is 28.35 grams.

From  Salon Magazine

Is Jesse Ventura a Fake?

A retired Navy SEAL named Bill Salisbury says the Minnesota governor has some nerve
calling himself a SEAL.   Sailors who served alongside Ventura, says Salisbury,
report that he was only a "frogman" in the Underwater Demolition Team -- which was
a whole different gig back in the '70s, when Ventura left the service.

Pigboy - The Feeble Stroke Victim

I was getting my recording apparatus ready for the Big Challenge (see below)
when I ran into this.  Check out Pigboy as he tries to open his show.

Click here to hear the Poor Pigboy

For those of you who are speaker-impaired, here is a transcript.

"The views expressed by the host on this program make more sense
  than anybody else out there happens to be saying,"
(Either he's had a stroke or he's invented a new language)

"but you're going to have to need courage..."
(I'm going to have to need what?)

This Just In...

NRA Opens Branch Office in tiny Ft. Gibson, OK
Hires 13-year old to Dispense Bullets

Snot-Nosed Kid Uses 9mm to Mow Down Fellow Students

...more details as they come in.


From:    cbeach@     .com

Subject:  About Rush

Please put a quote from Rush, about politics or history, on your web page
which proves him to be a liar.  If you can do this, than I will become a
democrat and never listen to him again.

C Beach

C Beach,
Thanks for the letter.
It's my opinion that  bartcop.com  is full of examples,
but since your request was polite and hate-free,
I'm going to tape Rush for the next few days and get a doozy for you.

It'd be better hearing him, than me quoting him, right?
I'll bet I can come up with a hum-dinger really quick!
But you don't have to stop listening to him.
Just don't think he's not kidding.


McCain on Meet the Catholic  12/5

Tim the Whore: Senator, people are talking about your temper...

McCain: Are they?

Tim the Whore:  Senator, I've been told by people who were there, that in 1993,
                           you and Senator Grassly got nose-to-nose in a shouting match.

McCain:  Is that what they told you?

Tim the Whore: Yes, witnesses said you were so angry, they were afraid that
                            you were going to head-butt Senator Grassly right there.

McCain: You mean I was so angry, they could read my mind?
                Is that what they said?

Tim the Whore: Senator, these are friends of yours who told me this.
                           Your response?

McCain: You want me to respond to a no-foundation question, posed by a ratings-driven
                press whore, that an unnamed, back-stabbing "friend" of mine had the opinion that
                I just might've considered committing an act of violence against a fellow Senator?

Tim the Whore: Yes, that's pretty much it exactly, Senator.

McCain: Well, Timmy, I'll put it to you this way:
               Senator Grassly is a good friend of mine, but we disagree on some issues.
               The subject was POW's, and Senator Grassly has strong opinions that differ
               from mine, but this is a life-and-death issue, one that I know something about.
               When I'm certain about a life-and-death issue, I'll fight like a rottweiller.
               Jesus Christ, Timmy, do you even know what a  life-and-death issue is?

Tim the Whore: So, then, you admit you have a terrible temper?

McCain: I admit no such thing, you lying whore.
                I said I'll fight hard if it's life-and-death and I'm certain about it.

Tim the Whore: Stop the Washington double-speak and give me a straight answer!
                           Can you guarantee the viewers watching right now, that if elected,
                           President McCain would never lose his temper.
                           Can you give me that guarantee right now, Senator?

McCain: No, but I can guarantee this, Timmy
                If I come over this desk, I guarantee you're gonna swallow some teeth.

Tim the Whore: What do you mean, Senator?

McCain:  I didn't rot in the Hanoi Hilton for 5 years just so snot-nosed punks like you
                 would be free to get on televison with your coiffed hair and spew this kind of filth
                 that hurts everyone and helps nothing but the profit margin at General Electric.
                 I'm tired of your dog-and-pony bullshit, and I'm not going to take it any more.
                You show me some respect, Spanky, or I'll show your fat ass my boot.
                Who did you 'Monica' to get this goddamn job, anyway?

Tim the Whore: Are you getting angry right now, Senator?
                           Is this the famous McCain temper we're seeing?
                           Is this another "life-and-death" issue, Senator?

McCain: It just might be, for you, Timmy...
               (standing up...)
               Doughboy, I'm not taking any more crap off of you.
               If you think being NBC's Limba-wannabe Sissyboy is going to save you
               from a Size 11 suppository, you've got another thing coming, Spanky.
               One last chance.
               If you've got a problem with me, boy, stand up and say it like a fucking man.

Tim the Whore:  Please don't hurt me, Pleeeeeeeeeeease.
                            Please don't hurt me,
                            Please don't hurt me, Pleeeeeeeeeeease.

McCain: Folks, if it's Sunday, it's Beat the Press!

Tim the Whore:  Ow!  Ow!  Ow!
                             Not in the face!
                             Not in the face!



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