Vol 168 -HRC - Stronger Than the New Steel

February 8, 2000

Was Smirk too high on cocaine to take a mandatory physical?

The Tejas Air Guard thinks so - they grounded his druggie ass!


Thanks to Nick Vogel

Excuse me,
has anybody seen my wife?

I couldn't resist.

I just dropped in the Betty Bowers site.
Here's some of what she's doing now...

Dwarfing the AOL/Time-Warner merger,

Leaders of the Jewish Faith were initially worried about accepting Jesus Christ
as their personal CEO, confusing Catholic traditions with Protestantism . . .

The Orthodox Rabbinical Council, however, has issued a statement:
"They spend most of their time worshipping Mary. A Jewish mother!
 We can live with that." . . .
Did you know Betty was named "Best Christian" four years in a row
by W.W.J.D. Power and Associates?

Over the last two millennia, Jesus received 1,874 "Best Christian" awards,
but Mrs. Bowers successfully lobbied for his ineligibility since he was a Jew.
Upon Mrs. Bowers' petition, W.W.J.D. Power had all of Jesus' awards
retroactively rescinded and burned. She is now the clear title holder.

I get so depressed whenever I read her.

Betty Bowers is so good,
I should just retire.

Is There a Big-Headline Arrest Pending in Florida?

February 7, 2000

Spammers with a Toll-Free Number?

I got this spam-mail FOUR times today.

From:      LifeExpo@mailcity.com

Subject:      Your Trade Show.. & a FREE Computer!

Your Trade Show... For Your Industry!

CALL TODAY 1-877-546-8836


Promising everyone a free computer?
That's a valid TOLL-FREE number, I called it myself.

Doesn't it seem like a bad idea to piss somebody off,
...some spam-scum mother-effer botherin' me and my busy effing day
with some horseshit "Gonna give you a free computer" crap?

...and then offer you a chance to call and tell them how you feel about
having been lied to by some ditto-spammer donkey promising free computers
and then offering you a free phone call to tell them what you think of their spam?

I had an opinion.

Like you, I get a lotta mail!
I get spam from every ditto-scam in the country,
but not four times in one goddamn hour.

(deep breath...)

So, they bothered me during my busy day,
then lied to me about breaking off a free computer for Ol' BartCop..

I should call to ask about my FREE computer, right?
A spammer who offers to pay for the call is too ef-fing good to pass up, right?

The spammaster says this number will be good thru April,
so I'll probably call it a few times with my speed dial.

If their legal boys have a problem with that,
ha ha,
please Koresh, could you make it so?

...and maybe we could each explain our motives to a jury?


Go Crazy!
Ask about your free computer!
I just got spammed for the 5th time today
by the "free computer" dudes with the TOLL FREE complaint line.

Did he say, "toll free?"

I think I'll give them another call.

Wild TV Stuff

In Monday's USA Today, it says on A&E, at 9PM EST
is doing "Investigative Reports - Hillary Clinton."


in the TV Guide, it says at 9PM EST, A&E is doing
"Investigative Reports - An Investigation into a string of sex murders."


...I hope those are two different shows.


Since it's such a slow news day...

Prior to impeachment, Kenneth Starr, under orders from Newt Gingrich,
assembled more FBI agents than they used for the Oklahoma City bombing
and the World Trade Center bombing COMBINED to comb and sift through
the state of Arkansas and threaten young women and their families with prison time
unless they agreed to testify that they had sex with Bill Clinton.

...and the son-of-a-bitch wonders why his law firm didn't want him back?

Can you believe that happened in modern-day America?
I think we need to re-visit that whole mess before we cast ballots in November.
Everyone needs to remember what those cheating, self-righteous bastards did.
We need to remind the voters of this country what kind of behavior they can expect
from religiously-insane fascist dogs when they have even the slightest bit of power.
Can a Republican ever be trusted with the White House again?

Hey, Kenny, did you see Godfather II?
Do you know the proper proceedure for failing to assassinate the King, Kenny?

Do the right thing, Kenny.
I'll even draw the bath water...

George W.'s Evasiveness on Flag
By BILL MAXWELL   St Petersburg Times

During a recent stop at CBS' Face the Nation, Bush was challenged to identify the
moral issue the president should take a stand on even if the issue involves states' rights.
"Bigotry and racism and prejudice," Bush said.

He did not -- and has not -- taken a stand on the Confederate flag.
Although the flag flap is still raging, Bush waltzed into South Carolina the other day
and showed that he has trouble standing up to bigotry and racism and prejudice.
Are these the kind of sentiments the governor can tolerate?

Want to bet Smirk takes a stand after the Carolina primary?

 Can Anybody Explain?

 Now that Hillary has formally declared, Pigboy continues to say, "She's not running."
 I'm accustomed to incredibly-absurd bullshit from Jimmy Dean,
 but any clues as to why he continues to insists she's not running?

Great Dropout Quotes

"Some people insist that education is the road to success."
  --Rush, the uneducated, hate-mongering Pigboy, Feb 7, 2000

The Republican Party continues, to their dying gasp, to be anti-education.
They are so afraid of losing everything if their constituents learn the truth.

 Deep in the Heart of Texas Mail

 From:  johneschneider62@email.msn.com

 Subject: Suthun' Flag...

 Ya know, I' try not to get into this whole racism thing with the Confederate flag.
 I never owned one, never really wanted to..  let's face it, the Confederacy lost!
 Why the hell would I want to have a flag to represent that?

 That having been said, if the offending States are forced to remove confederacy crap
 from their state flags, should the U.S. be forced to as well?  Many injustices to entire
 races of people have taken place under the Stars and Stripes.

 In WW II, we rounded up citizens of Japanese ancestry into concentration camps,
 and Native Americans endured slaughter, resettlement, and third world poverty.
 So, what would be the argument against that?

 We cannot deny that these injustices took place under the American Flag, can we?
 So, to remain consistent and "fair,"  should we come up with another flag that won't
 offend the sensitive nature of yet another group to be named later?


 The purpose of the US flag is not to be sure "the niggers" know their place.
 That is the purpose of the Confederate flag.
 The states should be forced to remove the offending flag because
 they do not have the common decency to do it on their own.

© Wizard_Of_Whimsy

Great Winning Quotes

"I may be new to the neighborhood,
  but I'm not new to your concerns."
  --HRC, yesterday, announcing her candidacy.

If I was on her speechwriting team,
I would've suggested she'd said,

"I may be new to the neighborhood,
  but I'm not new to the game."

...since politics is all bullshit, anyway.

Y'know, Rudy hasn't even formally announced that he's running,
and he may never formally announce.

He says he has his reasons, but I think it's so if Hillary starts kicking his ass real hard,
he can say, "What are you talking about? I was never a declared candidate in that race."

February 6, 2000

Today is Ronald Reagan's 89th birthday.
I wish he and his family were suffering less.

Reagan's Birthday

From:  bo8613a@american.edu

Just thought this would be a good quote to post in honor of his birthday.

 "The orderly transfer of authority as called for in the Constitution
 routinely takes place as it has for almost two centuries,
 and few of us stop to think about how unique we really are.
 In the eyes of many in  the world, this every-four-year ceremony
we accept as normal,  is nothing less than a miracle."

 ...Ronald Reagan, at his first Inauguration.

As judge and jury of  bartcop.com  ...I'll allow it.

Mail Bag

From:  mrte@home.com

> BC,
> Why did Smirk kiss off California?
> Could be that California's Republican primary is open to independents
>  (McCain's base)......so with winner-take-all, Bush could take a thin
> majority of registered republican voters, totally lose among independents,
> and still take all the delegates.....since only the registered republican votes
> count toward the delegate commitment.....leaving McCain with an empty majority?

 It could be much worse.
 What if he didn't campaign so, if he loses big,
 he can say, "Of course I lost, I didn't even campaign in California."

Trust me, Smirk is a half-sissy quitter.

This Just In...

Zogby did a poll on the word "smirk."

Zogby asked 1268 people in Carolina what they thought of first
when they heard someone mention the word, "smirk."

Seventy-one percent said, "That clueless boy from Texas."

Hey, wait a minute!

For seven years, the Republican Hate Squads have been screaming
"Co-President" and "She wears the pants" at Hillary Clinton.

Now that she's running for office,
now that the last seven years have turned out to be Paradise,
now they say she's new to politics?

So which time were you lying, GOP?

Were you lying all these last seven years?
Or are you lying right here and now?

Make a decision,
let us know...

Are you watching the St. Hillary film?

Eight years ago we saw a film like this, but not this good.
This is one of them fancy Hollywood Bloodworth Thomason movies.
It's better than the Speilberg movie on New Year's Eve!

All those overseas trips, speaking up for the women who are
even less free than the wives of current Republican office holders.

Hillary on the World Stage.

New York is such a    tiny place.
New York is lucky to have Hillary.

First up? Captain Blowhard
The younger-than-a-redwood Patty Moynihan.

"I promise I'll be brief," he said.
(The audience, and me, applauded that pledge vigorously.)

"The day she got to the White House, she put a picture of
 Eleanor Roosevelt on the wall of her office.
 Hillary, where are you?  Come up here, Hillary..."

The old coot looks right, nothing.
He looks left, OK, there's Hillary.

"Hillary, come over here... Hillary, I knew Eleanor Roosevelt
 Eleanor would've liked you, Hillary."

Place goes nuts.
It was simliar to an introduction, but I think Patty forgot to say the words,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Hillary Rodham Clinton!"

Hillary takes the mic.

"Thank you, Senator Moynihan, for the support you've given ME."

That was well put.

She didn't say, "Thanks for helping US," because Moynihan never did a goddamn thing
for Clinton/Gore besides fight them at every turn and call them "baby-starvers" and "losers."

Do I have an example?

From Volume 150

Moynihan is a moron of monster proportions.
"Gore can't win this election," Moniyhan declared with certainty.

Hey, Patty!
Aren't you the one who predicted that the Gulf War
would kill "untold thousands" of American soldiers?

Aren't you the one who predicted that Welfare reform was
going to throw 500,000 starving children into the streets?

A prediction from Moynihan carries the same certainty as a Kato Burn prediction.
Patty, you've been a moron since I was just a kid.

...but it was a smart move politically to have Crazy Pat introduce her.
At least it keeps Pigboy from asking, "Where was Moynihan, Hmmmmmmmm?"

ha ha

Hillary is tearing them up.

"I've done my homework, I've paid my dues.
 I've raised a child, and now I'm ready to contribute more."

She's killing 'em in New York!

Double Koresh!
Hillary is better than Harold Ickes.
When they catch me, I want Hillary for the defense!

Sure, she's got a little wooden-ish quality that'll get better as she goes,
but when she talks about breast cancer, Pickles Smirk is ready to write her a check.

I'm not sure what it is...
Hillary has this "I was one of the Beatles" thing going on.
Is there a window where I can place a friendly wager on her run for the Senate?

Which reminds me...

You know who's in trouble?

You know who's in a lot of trouble?
Seriously, you know who's in  ...a lot of trouble?

Well, Governor Smirk, ...sure,
but that's not what I'm talking about now.

You know who's in real trouble?


ha ha

This poor little guy.
This poor little guy doesn't even have a movie.

This poor little guy.
All he's got is a painting with elephant shit on it.

Rudy, the Less-dung-on-paintings champion.,
That's the cornerstone of his candidacy.
As a good Catholic, he's anti-pro-dung on African Virgin Mary paintings.


What do you think   knows about breast cancer?
What does he know about any goddamn thing besides cab schedules?

When they debate,
who do you think knows more about foreign policy?

When they debate,
who do you think knows more about women's issues.

When they debate,
who do you think knows more about health care?

When they debate,
who do you think knows more about any subject besides cab schedules?

ha ha

Hillary just said, "I know this will be a tough battle,
                          but I've been through a few tough battles in my time..."

ha ha

Has anybody in history been through what the Republicans put her through?
Hillary took everything Starr and Newt threw at her, and look what happened.

Look where Starr is today,
Look where Newt is today,
and then look where Hillary is today,

She made them eat it, every one...

...and who's her opponent in the big, tough  battle to come?

ha ha

Make me stop!

Hillary, closing the moment with the "I Gotta Be Stronger" song.

We've all heard that song a thousand times on the Sunday talk show commercials.
It's the New Steel commercial.

Oh, Koresh, my heart can't take it!

Hillary Rodham Clinton,
Stronger Than the New Steel!


ha ha

I forget,

...who's she running against?


ha ha

Make me Stop!

Georgia and Massabama Flags Next Up in Confederate Flap

  Georgia flag

  Massabama flag

WASHINGTON - For the last 17 years, bills to remove the Confederate flag
from the Georgia flag have died in the state Assembly with little fanfare.

But state Rep. Tyrone Brooks, president of the Georgia Association
of Black Elected Officials, thinks this year could be different.
He is optimistic that an ongoing debate in South Carolina will
lead to the removal of the Confederate battle flag atop its Capitol.

He said success in South Carolina could rejuvenate efforts to change
the state flags of Georgia and Massabama - the only states with
the Confederate emblem in their banners.

"The movement in South Carolina has given us a major boost,"  Brooks said.
"The flag is not a symbol of our heritage. It is a symbol of defiance and hate.
 And the more support we receive on the national level, the more intensified the debate will be."

Call me crazy, but shouldn't we include the Arkansas flag in that group?

It's kind of an inverse Dixie flag.
I don't like it.
I know too many Arkies who are into that "South's Gonna do it Again," crap.

Y'know, we should've made a concerted effort, say back in 1990,
to leave all this racist hate shit in the 20th Century, let bygones be bygones,
and resolve to start the 21rst Century with a clean slate.
But  noooooooooooooooooooo.
We gotta drag that shit into the future with our other problems.

Thanks, GOP.

Mail From Another Planet

From:  zeazast@home.com

Subject:        ????

"Live By the Our rules or Die by the gun".

Remember you can't think foryourself the government.
must do that for you. A LIBERALIST!


Is it True?

On The Final Whore with Wolf Blitzer, the panel decided
McCain was running a Clintonesque, talk-to-the-people campaign
and Smirk was running a hide-the-candidate, Dole-type campaign.

What's that quote about those who fail to heed history's lessons?

Also, I think the Wolf whore said   was on his show earlier today,
but I didn't see him, so I won't say he was on.

Here at  bartcop.com  we don't print rumor - only facts.

Deja Vu

"Hi, I'm Haley Barbour, and I support G. W. Butch."

ha ha

You poor bastard!
Do you always back the loser?
Haley, is that Hong Kong money still coming in?

Haley I-went-to-Hong-Kong-to-pick-up-two-million-in-cash
but-I-didn't-know-it-was-illegal Barbour, always backs the loser.

If the GOP is going to make all the same mistakes they made in 1996,
all I gotta do is reprint Volumes 40-80, change "Dole" to "Smirk"
and take the rest of the year off.


Carolina is a big tobacco state.
Somebody ask Smirk if tobacco is as bad as milk, for Christ's sake!

 From: TheGang@BrehmFamily.net

 Subject: Great picture.

 Dear BartCop,

 That picture of McCain whispering to the Shrub is Pulitzer Prize material.
 I spewed Perrier out of my nose. Good thing that you and Cunningham
 put your copyright on it 'cause I've been sending to everyone I know.


 All praise to Kevin Cunningham.
 He's a genius.

 Here's another one he just sent:

From:  LIEBS98@aol.com

Subject:  McCain

 > I enjoy your site however I have one problem and that is your promotion of  John McCain.

 Relax, it's all a trick.
 Sure, McCain is less Nazi than some, but Smirk has three times
 more money than McCain. We have to build McCain up so Smirk has to
 spend millions in a really nasty fight where everyone gets bloodied real bad.

 They say even if McCain wins Carolina big,
 Smirk will still win the GOP nomination, which I don't buy.

 On "This Whore" with Sam & Cokie, they asked, "Does Smirk's freefall have a floor?"

 Larry Flynt says he has pics of Bush dancing naked on a bar.
 He says he'll only release them if Smirk looks like he'll win the nomination.
 Plus, Smirk has a secret, hidden child, and the coke arrest is documented.
 The Demos are waiting until just before they put the crown on to show his arrest photo!!!!!!

 I respect McCain some for the POW thing, but he's not going to be president.
 Gore couldn't lose this is he was caught with a dead boy, and that's a fact.

>I have no respect for Kerry he has become the enemy as far as I'm concerned.

 I agree, but if someone called him "cripple" and threw mud on him because he couldn't
 fight back, I'd physically attack BIG-time.  He may be a skunk about Clinton, but his
 war hero status gives him a get-out-of-jail card, especially if he's being attacked by
 some bullies and can't fight back.

> Bradley also deserves contempt.

 Dittoes to that.
 Bradley's no war hero.
 He's a traitor.
 Fuck Bill Bradley.

 Rest easy about McCain, tho.
 The media is building him up so they can chronicle the "big downfall," the whores.

 Thanks for writing,

Maureen Dowd

I really, really dislike Maureen Dowd.
No, I hate the bitch.

I even  hated her when she was busting Kenneth Starr's balls.
I think she's a bigger harpy than Dr. Harpy Schlessinger.
I'd rather spend a day with Doc Meng than an hour with Maureen the Shark,
but, by Koresh, she wrote a good column about the Smirkster.

To pat myself on the back, it reads a lot like  bartcop.com
but with less bad language, and I hate myself now for pointing you to her,
but you gotta read this one column she wrote on Smirkboy.


But no matter how much she agrees with me about Smirk,
she's a cold-hearted, bitch of a slut who, remember,
couldn't get on my good side when she was destroying Ken Starr,
so please don't ever read anything she's ever written before or after
this killer column she wrote about Mr. All Hat and No Cattle.

Excellent Point

From: sniper@cei.net

Subject:  ...and another thought

Women on death row in Texas should get pregnant.
Then George couldn't execute them.

Sonny Scott

Damn, that's good.
I'll bet Smirk would find a way, tho...
He's a resourceful bastard.
He loves to execute the women, the blacks and the "retards."

The Biggest Lie I've Seen in Two Weeks

Two weeks is an eternity in politics, so the biggest lie in two weeks
really means a lot considering the hundreds that were told, on both sides.

Here it is:

Mr. Bush, who sent his brother, Gov. Jeb Bush of Florida, to speak
here for him in California on Friday night, was said to be "resting,"
(he seems to have stamina problems much worse than Bradley)
amid rumors that his strategists were retooling his entire campaign.

"The fact that we have his brother here is huge,"
said Jon Fleischman, the executive director of the California GOP.


Good Lord, Jon, to whom are you telling this whopper of whoppers?
Your Golden boy is so beat up, he can't show his half-sissy face,
and you say having his smarter brother stand in for him is, "huge?"
No, Jon, it's your whopper that's huge.

If Californians buy that, than maybe Smirk does have a chance out there.


the first three minutes of the talk shows...
(w/11:30 EST update)

Fox News wants to talk about Clinton's legacy?
Clinton's legacy?
Is that the big story this week?

Second, they want to talk about Hillary and 
Is that the big story this week?

Their HIDING from the big story - Smirk's self-destruction.
Why can't they just give us the facts, and let US decide?

Over on NBC, Timmy the Whore is grilling 
His first question?

"Do you consider Hillary a New Yorker?"

Tim, what kind of stupid, whore question is that?
Is that the best question you have, Timmy?
Why even bother to have a guest if that's your best question?

Koresh as my witness, I don't understand why Tim the Whore's show is
rated Number One every week when he asks stupid whore questions like that.

To his credit,  said, "Let's let the voters decide."

Then, something happened to Timmy!!

He just started yammering, like usual, but he couldn't stop!
Somebody help Timmy the Whore, quick!

Yammer, yammer, yammer, yammer...
He just couldn't stop himself.

Bill Bradley was up next, but Timmy's yammering made him so nervous,
Bradley had another "heart episode," so I switched back over to the Fox Whores.

Wait a minute!
Tony Snow's talking to 
He's only been gone from Tim the Whore's studio for three minutes!
Is Fox Whore News in the NBC building?
How did he do that?

Now, Snow's getting to the big story of the week.
He played a clip of Smirk saying, "The more I see of Carolina,
the more I see this is Bush Country," which is another signal to the Klan.

ha ha

Hey. Smirk, is that why you lost 25 points this week in Carolina?
Because it's, "Bush Country?"

ha ha

Snow just played a lying Smirk commercial and asked former SC Gov. Campbell,
Smirk's surrogate on the show, if the ad wasn't, in fact, a dirty, Nazi lie.

Campbell said, "They may've made a FRAUDIAN slip there, and
tried to do something that was a little too cute."

Hey, I wrote that line!

Listen to him

I know he meant to say Freudian,
but he said FRAUDIAN, which is what it really is.

Poor Smirk!
His own boy says his ads are "too cute" and "fraudian."

Please, if I'm ever in deep, deep trouble,
don't let former Gov. Campbell come to my aid, please!

By the way, can someone tell me when Mara Liason and Juan Williams turned ditto-monkey?
Does Juan Williams have a white wife?

There was a time when they were both considered Democrats.
I suppose that's how they got the invitation to join the Fox Whores for "balance,"
but they both clearly hate Bill Clinton, and if Mara Liason creams herself one more time
about what a great candidate Smirk is, it's gonna make me puke.


Britt Hume just said something smart.

Britt Hume just said something smart.

He said, about Smirk, "When the voters slap you HARD across the face,
you need to act like you've been hit and stop talking about the inevitability
of being handed the GOP crown in the Republican coronation."

Good one, Britt!

Juan Williams, the former-democrat turned dirty Fox whore, just said,
"Hillary Clinton would crawl over broken glass to be the senator from New York,"
as though no other candidate wants to win besides her.

Hey, Juan, when was it that you sold your soul?
Something tells me your kids are going to go to a really expensive college,
paid for with your whore paycheck, signed by Rupert Murdoch.

Don't you have any pride or dignity, Juan?
Don't you have even a shred of self-respect, hidden deep, Juan?

On the E N T I R E  Fox Whore Network, the only Democrat is Alan Colmes,
and he's the least-effective counter-puncher I've ever seen in my life.

Is  bartcop.com  the only place to get a centrist perspective these days?

Late Update

Caught This Whore  with Sam and Cokie, and who was their guest?

How does he do that?
I remember when Monica's attorney made every talk show one Sunday,
Pigboy split his britches screaming at him for being a camera hog.

Will Pigboy have that same criticism of ?
No, because Pigboy is a paid-for Ho'er.

Jesus Christ, I've seen more of  in the last 90 minutes than I have in my whole life.

Did you see that smug bastard George Will with his hand in a cast?
How did it happen?
Like anybody, I assumed he broke his hand my masturbating too vigorously
to a picture of George the Smirk posing with a goddamn crown on his head,
but then Will asked, "Is there a bottom to Smirk's free fall?" meaning there
must be another explanation of how he broke his hand.

Cokie mentioned that his hand was broken again, so it means something.

Oh, Koresh, I can't believe my lying eyes.
It's Face the Whore with Bob Schieffer, and who's his first guest?


This is starting to drive me a little scooters.
The biggest political story since Clinton made them eat that impeachment shit
happened this week, and all we see on the first Sunday after is


Y'know, I haven't had a drink in about ten days, due to this pnuemonia crap,
but if I see that stupid kitty one more time today, I'm going to need a drink.

Hillary is supposed to officially announce today, around 3 PM or so,
so naturally they'll have that damn kitty on the sixth, seventh and eighth shows,
and then I will drink, no matter what the medical repurcusions.

 More Bad News for Smirk?

 Why did Smirk kiss off California?
 Doesn't he know California has a "buncha" electoral votes?

 In California, McCain lashed out at Bush -- who skipped the convention
 entirely, sending his brother Florida Gov. Jeb Bush to address the group Friday.

 California makes it's decision March 7th, right?
 And Smirk gives them the cold shoulder?
 Who's running this campaign, Bob Dole?

 "I hear Gov. Bush is back there in Austin writing a book:
 'A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Coronation,' ''
 McCain said to huge laughs from the crowd.

 McCain lashed out at a new round of Bush advertising,
 which he said was motivated by fear and narrowing poll numbers.

 "If you can't compete in the arena of ideas and leadership,
  you're not ready for the job.''

"McCain seems to be doing everything right. He hasn't stumbled yet,''
 said Huntley Johnson, a retired dentist attending the convention.
 "Bush? Bush didn't even show up. That's an insult.''

 How could Smirk be so stupid as to piss off California?
 Doesn't even want to try?

February 5, 2000

From my Religiously Insane Friend, Papax7

From: papax7@prodigy.net

The facts are that there is a HUGE non social security budget surplus.
The facts are your demo buddies want to spend that extra money.
The GOP wants to give SOME of that extra money back to its owners.
That would be you and me and my daughter.

Allow me to offer you a parable.

Let's say Tommy smashed the neighbor's windshield with a baseball.
Tommy owes $200, and he's agreed to pay the neighbor $5 a week,
with a dollar a week's interest from the money he makes from his paper route.

Then, Tommy wins $100 in a Catholic church bingo game.

The Republicans say he should go to Disneyland with the extra money,
The Democrats think it would be a lot smarter move if Tommy would
save the interest and agree to pay off half his debt to his neighbor.

I admit, the public may fall for the instant gratification, but the smart,
money-saving move is to pay towards the neighbor's debt.

Go figure, the Democrats are the fiscally responsible party,
and the GOP has become the party of instant gratification.

Clinton, of all people, says "no," to instant gratification.
He certainly turned things around, didn't he?


Only eleven more months for the American press to play with Clinton's cock.

What will journalism do without Clinton's cock?

Girl Talk

From her own tapes:

Luci the Bat: What's your rationale for destroying Monica Lewinsky?

Linda the Pigg: Well, let me give you some history. She's from Beverly Hills
                           She's had a privileged upbringing. She's not naive.
                           I mean, she's definitely sophisticated, she's not a victim.
                           She's had affairs with married men before.

Well, that's explains that.
I guess Linder is one of us, after all.

President Clinton?

Heard it on the Street

They say the fastest way to get Hillary in the White House is to
cast your ballot for the idiot-Blow Monkey from Texas,
let him fuck up Clinton's impossible, yet-he-did-it peace and prosperity,
then Hillary will have no problem in 2004.

Trouble is, Smirk can't win shit.

...but it was a good theory.

TV Stuff

Last week, "Who wants to be a Millionaire" ranked 1, 2 and 3 in the Neilsen's,
I don't know why, either.

They ask, "What color is a red fire truck?" until they get to the real money.
Once there, the contestants get nervous and pussy out and we're back to,
"What color is the deep, blue sea?"

But, did you know in homes with HBO,
more people are watching The Sopranos than Regis?
That's damn hard to believe, unless you've seen the show.

Also, NEXT Sunday night on The Simpsons, they're killing off Maude Flanders.
That means we'll have a lot of religious jokes, trust me.

Lastly, this week it's Ebert and Clinton, "At the Movies."
I can't wait to hear Pigboy tear him apart on this one.


They say Smirk doesn't handle rejection well.
He's holed up in the Governor's mansion and he won't
take any calls - not even from Mommy or Daddy.

 © Wizard_Of_Whimsy

© Wizard_Of_Whimsy

The poor bastard.
Remember, the reason they had to dig soooooooooo deep
to find somebody to run is because they knew the impeachment
backlash would make a sure loser out of anyone fool enough
to have gone against the will of the people to remove Clinton.

(Pssst!  Don't tell McCain until he's won the nomination)

Special thanks to the Wizard of Whimsy.
Nobody can move a gif like he does.
He's the best!

 From: Nmmeeks@aol.com

 Pot Calls Kettle "Black"

 Bush Calls McCain Reform Hypocrite

 "I'm not letting Senator McCain get away with this Washington double-talk,"
 Smirk told Detroit reporters. "He has been in Washington long enough to
 earn a very important committee chairmanship. He has used that position
 skillfully to forward his campaign."

 "I'm the person who has been a reformer," Smirk lied. "It's hard to be a
 reformer if you have spent your entire career in Washington, D.C., which he
 has done." And, Bush declared, "we're gathering the facts" about McCain.

 Hey, Pinhead!
 Gather these facts:

 Smirk has raised much more money than McCain among Washington lobbyists,
 according to the nonprofit campaign watchdog group Campaign for Responsive
 Politics. McCain received $96,675 from people who work for lobbying firms in
 the first nine months of 1999, whereas Bush took in $480,464.


 You know, it's looking like the best guy on their team is Bill Bradley.

Gov. Smirk, How Was Your Week?
(More Piling On)

N.Y. GOP Cites Fraud in Smirk Petitions

NEW YORK, Feb. 2—Lawyers for the state GOP admitted in court today
that Republicans in Brooklyn and the Bronx used fraudulent signatures to try
to get Gov. Smirk on the March 7 presidential primary ballot in their districts.

The admission means no Bush delegates will appear on primary ballots in the
16th Congressional District, which covers parts of the south and west Bronx.

"Today, I had an 86-year-old blind woman come to court," said Bob Muir,
a lawyer for Bush opponent Steve Forbes, who challenged Smirk's petitionist.
"She didn't sign any petitions and somebody forged her name."

We gotta go back four years to Dole saying "Milk is as bad as cigarettes"
to find a candidate who had a week as bad as Smirk had this week,
but you watch...

Tonight, on Capital Gang, Kato Burn is going to say, "Smirk had a GREAT WEEK,"
and tomorrow, George Will is going to repeat everything Pigboy said this week
about "Smirk isn't scared at all - it's Al Gore who's shaking in his boots."

(For a guy who's supposed to be so fucking smart, why does George Will
 parrot every sentence from the mouth of the most ignorant pig in politics?)

Kato and Will are the two GOP-paid for whores who are never held accountable
for their wild-ass "predictions" of never-gonna-happen GOP victories.

Why aren't they ever held accountable?


When they say, "Smirk will win New Hamster by 20 points," they should replay
that prediction the next week on the show, after he loses his Yale-branded ass,
and make them stand up and explain why their prediction was so goddamn off-target.
Maybe then they'd start making realistic predictions.

They know they're not predicting a goddamn thing.
They're cheerleaders for the party of white power and should be labeled as such.

Kato and Will always predict a sunny scenario for the bad guys, and when America
disagrees with them, they just go on and make another sunny prediction this week.

Don't you agree?
E-Mail BartCop

...and not to get personal, but last week, Kato forgot the half-tooth she installs
between her top two front teeth. The resulting gap was wider than that of David
Letterman, Terry Thomas and Ernest Borgnine combined.

Hey, Kato!

I realize you're in your late seventies, but this isn't radio!

Heard it in a Speech

How can you tell the press loves John McCain?

They're starting to talk about the "Keating Four."

ha ha

Smirk, you've lost, now get outta here...

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