Vol 167 - New Hampster Smacks the Smirk


Subject:        Over all remarks

From:         jake739@juno.com

Came across your page, never so it before........

My only coment.........you don't have hemroydes, your a perfect ass

You wouldn't make pimple on Rushes ass.

John S Phillips

Great GOP Quotes

"Tuesday night was bad, but Wednesday was terrible."

"Smirk goes to a staged event at Bob Jones University--a place
 that bans interracial dating--reads an uninteresting speech and
 gets Dan Quayle to endorse him."

   --  Bill Kristol, a BartCop Republican

From: Withheld

According to one report (Washington Post or NPR) the students at
Bob Jones University were required to attend the racial kickoff by Bush.
A captive audience!

Also, according to NPR and other sources, interracial dating is not
allowed by students at this prestigious school.

This is true.
Matter of fact, Kneel Butch wasn't allowed on campus
for the rally because he married a Hispanic woman.

Way to go, Smirk!

The Attack on McCain Has Begun
(So far, no sign of the raped woman)

Click Here

Update to a story below

Hit "Edit," then search for   "xxx"

It should take you there.


ha ha

Oh, it's going to be sweet!

Trouble at Casa Limba

Clarence "Slappy" Thomas called Rush to tell him his
opinion of the voting results in New Hampshire.

Rush thought he said, "new hampster" and hurried right over.


Marta was not amused.
She called an attorney.

Great Idea

I thought of a really great idea.
Tell me what you think of it:

First, we merge North and South Carolina.
We'll just call it "Carolina."
The Cro-Mags who live there always had trouble
spelling "north" and "south," anyway.

Meanwhile, we divide New York into two states.
New York City becomes a really populous state,
and New York state retains it's state status

Then, we merge Mississippi and Alabama into one loser state,
and call it, "Massabama," to honor the Republican lynch mobs,
(Trent Lott, Chairman)

Then we split California in two, calling the southern half "California,"
and the northern half would be given the name "Intelligencia."

Then we fold Oklahoma into Texas and call it, "...Texas."

The net result?

The KKK loses six votes in the Senate and those six votes
would then be cast by people with teeth and an education.

You see?
It was a really good idea...


Trying to be just like John McCain and his 117 Town Hall Meetings,
the Smirk campaign has hired a fellow with a counter to follow him
around and every time the Blow Monkey has "a conversation" with
a little person, this paid-for Butch employee will click his counter.

...and he promises to be real honest, and not "pad" the clicks.

So far in Carolina, (it's just one state now) Smirk has run up
797 clicks on his lil' counter.

That proves he's for real!

ha ha

C'mon, GOP, are you still sticking with this fraud?
Do you think, "How you doin'?" qualifies as a conversation?

Sounds more like Joey Tribiani on the prowl...

Letter to the Editor
(Knuckledrag Daily World)

Whine Time For Liberals

I can hear it now.
The liberals are going to start crying "foul,"
just because Uncle OJ has broken his word.

John McCain

Right now, as you read this, some woman, somewhere,
is memorizing the script given to her by the white power freaks
who run the GOP, describing her brutal beating and savage rape
at the hands of that mentally-unstable John McCain.

Then, she could go on NBC with that whore Lisa Meyers and tell her story,
and Fox News could do another goddamn  gigglefest like they did with Clinton.

I'm not joking.
If you're waiting for a punch line, there isn't one.

That's their M.O.
That's how they fight fight political battles in the "Party of Lincoln."

Wanna bet a rape or assault charge surfaces before November?
Wanna bet?

E-Mail BartCop

Just Asking

Does Thomas Sowell have a white wife?

How about Ward Connelly?  Did he marry white?
How about Walter Williams?  Is his wife white?
What about Ken Hamblin?
(I don't include Colin Powell because he doesn't hate blacks.)

We know Clarence "Slappy" Thomas married white,
and I know Uncle OJ knocked up some white girls,
but I'd like to know about the others.

Ordinarily, this would be nobody's business, but I wonder
if there's a pattern here, that these men who constantly vote
or argue to enslave their brothers are so far into Whitey's pocket
that they married white women and see white in their mirror.

Surely, somebody knows about each of these men.
If you e-mail me the answer, I won't print your address
unless you give me specific permission.

Governor Compassion Strikes Again


Smirk scores a "twofer"



You Women Shut the Hell Up

Ellen Goodman of the Boston Globe wrote a column Feb 3 that
reminded readers that Barbara Bush is pro-choice on abortion.

You don't read that fact in the papers very often.
You know why?

Because in the GOP, the wife follows her husband's orders.
In the GOP, a vagina disqualifies you from having an opinion.

I don't know how you GOP women can live with being "lesser."
Doesn't it matter to you that your opinion isn't important?
Doesn't it matter that your husband will decide for you?
After all, the Holy Bible tells you to follow your Master, right?

Of course, I'm talking to a goddamn brick wall here, because the
Democratic women long-ago asserted their rights as equals,
and the GOP women aren't allowed to answer questions about
topics like this so I guess I'll just stop yammering to nobody.

...sorry for wasting your time.

Letter to the Editor
(Knuckledrag Daily World)

Clinton Saved Us

Thank the Lord that He gave us President Clinton and VP Gore
to run our country. People fail to remember that they were losing
their homes and that businesses were going bankrupt.

Banks were failing, and people lost their jobs under Reagan and Butch.
Why do people have short memories of those desperate days?

Letter to the Editor
(Knuckledrag Daily World)

Uncle O.J. Watt's Memory Can't be That Bad

If Uncle OJ Watts wants to change his mind about term limits,
at least as they apply to him, that's OK.

But he isn't telling the truth when he says, "I can't remember"
wether or not he signed a pledge to serve only six years.

Is anyone in his district stupid enough to believe him?

Dude, this is Oklahoma, the Cock-fighting, Snake-handling,
Rump-thumping Buckle of the Bible Belt.

If they'll buy Pissquik and the Jesus Twins, they'll have
no problem believing Uncle OJ can't remember his pledge.

Do You Play Poker?

I do, I like poker a lot.
When we play, we play for real money, but the object is to
get together for some good old male bonding, play a little poker,
watch some porno movies, drink some tequila, maybe even
burn a little Humboldt green etc etc etc.

Usually when we play, it's for nickles and dimes, small stuff.
Since I'm always sober when we start, I often get ahead by
fifty dollars or so, and,  as the party favors begin to kick in,
my attention span decreases more than usual and I leave even.

We don't have a lot of rules and whoever's dealing calls the
game and decides if there's anything special.
(Deuces wild, Ace can be high or low,  etc.)

But there's one game I don't like to play.
It's called "Mexican Sweat," or "No peek."
(Hopefully that's not a faux pax with my Latino brothers...)

Mexican Sweat is unlike every other poker game in that,
you flip over your cards, one at a time, and you have to
stop as soon as you have beaten the guy behind you.
You don't get to look at all of your cards before you bet.

You have to bet a large portion of your money BEFORE
you get to see if your cards are any good or not.

Apparently, the Republican Party LOVES to play Mexican Sweat.
The Republican Party bet $60,000,000 that, in this game of
Mexican Sweat, they had a good hand, but they're betting blind.

They have no idea what kind of hand they have!

The first card they turned over was Iowa.
Not too bad - Iowa was like turning over a Jack.

The second card they turned over was a New Hampshire Two.
A two didn't help their hand at all - in fact, it hurt.

Now, they're looking at a South Carolina Three.
A Jack, a two and a three is a TERRIBLE hand,
especially when you have $60,000,000 in the pot.

Meanwhile, the other guy left in the game started with a Nine,
but his second card was an Ace, and his third card is an Ace.

Granted, there are more cards to come, but Smirk is looking at
a pair of Aces and the GOP has nothing but Buyer's Remorse!.

Now, the Republican Party is asking,
Why did we bet $60,000,000 before we saw our cards?

Stupid Remark Backfires on Smirk

Bush told a crowd of about 350 people at Sumter, SC
that he is the best candidate to be commander-in-chief.

"We must have a commander-in-chief who understands
 the role of the military," the crazy dumb-ass said.

McCain reacted with gusto to those veiled attacks on
his record on defense and veterans issues:

"Well, why don't we have a real good debate
 on veterans affairs, defense and foreign policy?
 Any time, anywhere. We'll pay for the TV time."

Smirk, have you given up?
Are you not even going to try anymore?

You think that's your strong suit?
Playing the Daddy-Kept-Me-From-Combat card
when you're running against a POW and war-hero?

You're much too stupid to be president, Smirk.

February 3, 2000

I Hope You Don't Mind...

This election year, I'm going to run a few "reminders" from the past.
I'm not saying this is any kind of "best of," it's just some things people
might want to consider when they pull the levers for a new president this fall.
Little things the GOP has done to slow or stop progress or, just to be hateful.

From Volume  145


Republican Hate Forces the Kennedys to Bury John at Sea.

ABC Radio is reporting that the Kennedy family has asked permission,
and permission has been granted, to bury John Jr. at sea.

Naturally, you'd figure that he'd be buried at Arlington,
but for that to happen, Clinton would have to have to sign a waiver.
We all remember Rush and Liddy and Ollie Traitor accusing Clinton of
"peeing on the graves at Arlington" for cash, which, of course, never happened.

For days and days and days, and to THIS day,
the Republicans still  pretend it really happened.

"Another Clinton scandal," they call it at their fundraisers.

I believe the Kennedys didn't want to re-open that controversy,
and they didn't want John dug up in the future, for Christ's sake,
and who would put THAT past this all-white bunch of neo-nazis?

So ...what other choice did the Kennedy family have?.

If they buried John anywhere else - anywhere else,
his grave would be mobbed like the grave of Princess Diana.
And without the round-the-clock security that Arlington provides,
the extreme ditto-monkeys would vandalize and desecrate his grave,
maybe even to the point of trying to steal the body.

Since the Republicans won't allow an Arlington burial,
the family has no choice but to bury him at sea.

That's sad.

Every November 22, the Kennedy family visits JFK's grave.
But they'll never get to visit John's grave, because of Republican hate.

Can you believe the right-wing bastards would rob the Kennedys of that?

This is what the Republicans have given to America in the 1990's.
Never-ending hate, fueled by the money-grubbing radio nazis.

End of Reminder

Great True Quotes

"It's one thing to lurch to the right. It's another thing to lurch back 60 years.
 You could make the case that 'compassionate conservatism' died Feb. 2
 when Bush appeared at Bob Jones University."
   --  Bill Kristol, former Dan Quayle Chief of Staffe

More Great Quotes

"Why would Smirk hold a rall at a university whose founder
  has called The Pope, "the Anti-Christ?"
  --  James Carville

McCain Ahead in South Carolina

 Scoop From:  sabutai@ix.netcom.com

 WASHINGTON, Feb 3 (Reuters) - Arizona Sen. John McCain,
 boosted by his upset victory in the New Hampshire Republican primary,
 has taken a five-point lead over Gov. Smirk in South Carolina,
 according to a new state poll released on Thursday.

 The Zogby poll showed McCain with a strong 44 percent among likely
 voters and Smirk the Golden Boy with a piss-poor 39.3 percent.
 The poll had a margin of error of 4.4 percent.

 South Carolina GOP Primary

 John McCain     44.0

George Bush      39.3

 The Zogby poll is the one Rush always touts as the most accurate.

 Fun Fact
 McCain was averaging $1,600 per day in contributions.
 In the last 48 hours, he's received $415,000.

Whatever you do,
don't let Pat Buchanan babysit your kids.

 Letter to the Editor

 From:  marc@perkel.com

 Subject: The Story Behind McCain's Big Victory

 I don't find it surprising at all that John McCain beat George W.
 Bush in New Hampshire by almost 20 points. What does surprise me is
 that the news media hasn't figured out why. I think it's rather obvious.
 It's the cocaine issue, and cocaine makes Republicans nervous.

 By refusing to answer the cocaine question, a lot of people are left
 to wonder about his involvement with cocaine in the past. Republicans
 have positioned themselves as morally superior and as having a higher
 standard of behavior and cocaine is clearly below that standard. What
 kind of message does it send to the narcotics terrorists if we have
 to wonder the president of the United States is a user himself?

 I think Republicans are interested in more than how much money you've
 raised and who your daddy is. I think that Republicans are afraid that if
 they run George W. Bush that they will lose the moral high ground to the
 clean, but boring, Al Gore. I think the Republicans in New Hampshire
 sent Bush a message that it's time for him to come forward about drugs
 before the Democrats come forward for him.

 Marc Perkel
 Springfield Missouri


 http://www.churchofreality.org -- Church of Reality
 "If it's real, we believe in it."

Governor Cock-Fight

In Oklahoma, we have the kind of Governor you'd expect from a state that
has NO elected Democrats. (Are there any other no-Democrat states?)

His name is Frank Keating, and not only is he a full-blown ditto-monkey,
he's pro-creation science, he's pro-cock-fighting, he's pro-snake-handling,
he's just about the most backwards mother-effer you'll ever see in a suit,
and he's "good friends" with Governor Smirk of nearby Texas.

But, ... as always, ...it gets worse for the Republicans.

A few years ago, he  got everybody's attention by calling rank-and-file
teachers in Oklahoma, "slugs."  But now, he's gone one further.

Earlier this week, while giving a speech at Oral Roberts University,
someone asked him what would be the best way to handle the
"teacher problem" in Oklahoma, and do you know what he said?


S-w-e-a-r  to Koresh!

Remember, Oklahoma has the "honor" of hosting the most recent
opening of a new NRA branch.  In Ft. Gibson, Oklahoma, some
Hitler youth opened fire at Ft. Gibson Elementary and sent
four kids to the hospital with gunshot wounds.

Welcome to Oklahoma

In this godforsaken armpit-of-an-asshole community, we elected:

James (Pissquick) Inhofe and Don (Hillary will be indicted) Nickles to
the Senate. We elected the Jesus Twins, Tom Coburn and Steve Largent,
plus the Importance-of-Being-Ernest Istook, who will decide for your
family which prayers should be said in the schools, along with Wes Watkins
(known locally as Less Watkins) who used to be a Democrat, but after he
saw the I-Hate-Clinton writing on the goddamn Cave wall,
he changed into a ditto-monkey to save his job.

Today, the Governor is trying to excuse what he said by saying,
"Obviously, I was kidding."

Teachers were quick to point out that, had he been a student and
made remarks like that, he'd be expelled from school.

Will Oklahoma expel this Cro-Mag from the Governor's mansion?
Oklahoma is the mother ship for these religiously-insane wackos.
Why do you think the cock-fighters and snake-handlers live here?

Because the Governor understands!!!

Oh, Christ, I need a drink...

Bob Dole or Bob Hope?

From:  DerickGallagar@atlantis.com

Subject: BJU

Is Bush really THIS stupid?

ha ha
I'm still laughing at BJU, and no, Smirk isn't that stupid.
He has to win South Carolina or go home a smirking loserboy,
so he's appealing to the most racist element of the McVeigh wing.

Also, did you see 'The Daily Show" last nite?  They have Bob Dole doing
political commentary- he had some killer lines about Bush and Forbes.
I think they re-run it today at 6pm (Central time) on Comedy Central.
I'd highly recommend it.


Yes, Ol' Bob was funny as hell, but those Eargasms are expensive.
Jon Stewart, (who I think is really good) asked Dole if campaigns
took cheap shots personally and got angry - Dole said, "Yes."

Dole said since New Hampshire, all the candidates are copying
McCain. He said Hillary now says she was a POW in Arkansas!

Dole also said Forbes was a decent guy - deep down,
but it's buried so deep, nobody's ever seen it.

Watch the Daily Show on Comedy Central 11PM EST

VCR Alert

NBC is experimenting with a new format.

It's called "programming that's not repeats."
They actually have new shows on tonight, and no, I am not kidding.

If it catches on, other networks are expected to mimic.


© Wizard_Of_Whimsy

Important Campaign News
From USA Today, page D1

A study in today's Nature Magazine shows that even in
a brain the size of a grass seed, learning can occur.

...there was no comment from the Bush2000 camp.


1. If you do not want your name or e-mail published,
    you have to tell me each time you send something.
    Better yet, you can sign up with Yahoo or Hotmail.
    It's free from any computer and you can be anybody.
    My Catholic, ADD mind cannot remember who needs
    to remain anonymous and those who don't care.

2. I am not "Bernie" in Oregon.
    Some people think that was me that kicked Rush's ass,
    hiding under an assumed name. No, Bernie did that.

3. I just got my bill from the "instant audio" people.
    They are billing me by the click.
    I knew this when I signed up with them, but there
    are more of you with speakers than I imagined.

    They have my credit card, so I'm in a little bit of trouble.
    I'll have to discontinue all but the really funny Eargasms.
    Than Hannity/Gore bit had 21 hours of DL prior to 2/1.
    I hate whiners as much as you do, but Eargasms are expensive.

My Favorite Republican

"George W. Bush lost more than the New Hampshire Republican primary Tuesday.
 He also lost the confidence of Republicans, shedding the aura of inevitability
 that had enveloped his quest to be president."

  -- Bob Novak

Great Quotes by Know Nothing Smart-Asses

 Bush, if nominated would have to hastily reinvent himself as a moderate,
after having moved tax-cuttingly right; but McCain is solidly positioned
to take the center, which would ensure his victory in November while
saving the House for the G.O.P.

The most persuasive reason: a post-Bradley Gore would savage Bush in
debate, out-detailing and out-cornballing him at will; whereas McCain's
depth of experience and personality would put the crusher on Gore's
candidacy. Tacit admission of McCain's debating superiority comes from
Bush himself, who refuses to go one-on-one with his Republican rival.

  -- William Safire, Know-Nothing who got one right.

My buddy Zack (gwbush.com) got in some good shots
with a Letter to the Editor at AMPOL.


Have you been to bushwatch.com?
A sampling:


Click on picture

Before the Bush campaign express ever left its Austin, Texas
home station back in June of last year, the word was it had
the right campaign team but the wrong man.

Long-time Bush watchers felt that the campaign would boil down
to a tension between a candidate with name, money, and an ability
to shmooze and a team dedicated to hiding his many inadequacies,
inadequacies that were pretty self-evident when folks had the time
to look him over, such as what they saw during the debates--
irrelevant jokes, smirks, statements of chop-logic, answers that
didn't match the questions, short responses, flat phrasing, and weak retorts.

Smirk Sends a Signal

From: EliotNess@homerun.com

Can you believe it? Bush kicks off his South Carolina campaign with an

.In an address to more than 5,000 people gathered in a cavernous
 auditorium at Bob Jones University by far the biggest crowd of Bush's
 presidential campaign he said: "I look forward to publicly defending my
 conservative philosophy, and I look forward to making it clear to the
 people of this state and other states that our conservative philosophy will
 lead to compassionate results."

 Why doesn't he just wrap himself in the Confederate flag and start
 whipping slaves and shooting Jews? He's obviously going for the racist,
 religious-intolerant voter.


 Eloit, that's why the rally was held there.

 The "Christian" university lost its tax-exempt status in the 1970s
 for refusing to admit blacks.

 The fact that Smirk used a racist stronghold to hold his hate rally
 will be remembered by black voters, Hispanic voters, liberal voters
 and middle-road voters come November.

 Smirk is such an I-don't-care-who-knows racist, I predict
 some Christians won't vote for him, although the vast majority will.

 I think Smirk's idea of "compassion" would be to lynch black men
 with smooth, silk scarves, rather than those scratchy-itchy old ropes.

 Guns Don't Kill, Cops Do
  Just Like the NRA Says

 From:  ewoods@ThomasPublishing.com>

 Cop's  Defense Blames Guns

 ALBANY, N.Y. (APBnews.com) -- The defense in the Amadou Diallo murder
 trial today blamed the police department's pistols for the 41 shots officers fired
 at the unarmed black man who was their target.

 Stephen Worth, the attorney for accused Officer Edward McMellon, explained
 that 9 mm semiautomatic guns require a strong pull for the first shot, but allow
 hair-trigger shots for the remaining 15 bullets, making it easy to empty an entire clip.

 "That's how that man got shot 41 times," Worth explained.

 Maybe Chuck Heston could explain it to us?

You Pick the Dork

Who said the following phrases, Bush or Quayle?

 1. "The question is whether we're going to go forward to tomorrow,
      or go past to - to the back."

 2. "When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and we knew
      exactly who the 'they' were. It was us versus them. And it was clear
      who 'them' was. ... Today, we're not so sure who the 'they' are.
      But we know they're there."

 3. "I've had some not-so-good successes."

 4. "I believe that I have made good judgements in the past,
      and I think I've made good judgements in the future.

 5. "I'm confident that our people can compete anywhere, anytime, anywhere."

 6. "Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific.
      It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."

 7. "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is
       being very wasteful. How true that is."
       (Sean Hannity knows this one - by now)

 8. "Is our children learning?"

Scary Thought

From:  HARTMANM@withheld.com

Subject:  Creepy!

Jesus, is it me, or does that one latest picture of Jr. (the one where he
has the little bowling ball in his hands) look like TED BUNDY!?!?!?!!?!?

Matthew Hartman

Matt, you noticed, eh?
Ted Bundy is Smirk's half-brother.
Barbara had a brief affair when Sr. Butch was in China.

Random Thought

Isn't it stupid for George W. (the "W" stands for "Weak") Butch
to have Former VP Dan Quayle, former President George Butch, and
former First Lady Barbara Butch and a former Secretary of State-felon
George Schultz and former Secretary of Defense-felon Caspar Weinburger
and all those other cabinet members and White House lackeys like Sununu
get in front of a crowd and declare that Smirk is a Washington outsider?

BartCop, Eyewitness

On the way to work, I saw some bonehead in a pick-up truck,
(Oklahoma is almost all pick-up trucks,) cut over two lanes trying to
get to his off-ramp and he clipped the front fender of a van full of kids.

It's my best guess nobody was injured, it was more of a clip than a slam,
and I couldn't stop because I was still on the highway, in construction.

I couldn't even tell if guilty-boy stopped, because the off-ramp curved
under the highway. This could've even been a hit-and-run, so I
proceeded on to work and called the cops about ten minutes later.

I know most people don't like to get involved in something like this,
but I really had a perfect, bird's-eye view of the wreck, and besides,
I might have some smart-ass prick lawyer try to attack me on the stand
and get me to say something that wasn't true and, Koresh help me,
but nothing is more fun than making some idiot lawyer eat it.

So I called the non-emergency number and said, "I just witnessed
an accident and I wanted to leave my name and number in case
anybody wanted to talk to me about it," and the dispatcher said,
"I'm sorry, Sir, it doesn't work that way. You need to return to the
scene of the accident and wait for a policeman to show up."


I told her, "Lady, I'm at my office now, and the wreck happened on
a ramp of a highway under construction, so I don't even know if or
where the parties stopped. Can't I just leave my name and number?"

"No, Sir. You have to drive back to the scene of the accident."

I try to be the good citizen and what do I get?

Remember that cops vs. fireman rant from a few days ago?

If I called a Fire Station and said, "I saw a man commit arson,"
I'll bet they wouldn't refuse to take my name and number and suggest
I go stand by the burned-out building and wait for a fireman to drop by.

Sometimes, it's like cops don't WANT the public to like them.

That's What Friends are For

George W. (the "W" stands for "Wimp") Butch heard from supporters
after his massive fuck-up in New Hampshire, including Luther Htoo,
the 12-year old gun-wielding, chain-smoking strongman leader
of  "God's Army" in the Burma guerrilla uprising.


"Hang in there, Georgie," said Luther.
"Look at the bright side. If you lose the Washington job, you'll still be
 able to execute young Christian women and retarded black men."

Luther's twin brother Johnny was encouraging, too.
"Remember George, you'll always have the Needle of Death."

This just in...

George W. (the "W" stands for "wounded") Butch's handlers have
new rules for him when he engages the tricky, tricky press.

Unlike John McCain, open and honest, on-the-record war hero,
Smirk's handlers have decided the best way to showcase their
"superior" candidate would be to put him in a position to where
he wouldn't be making a lot of off-the-cuff idiot screw-ups.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce....The Ad-Lib Kid!

© Wizard_Of_Whimsy

Remember this guy?

LNW Logo by Serdar Yegulalp

He's got a pretty snappy home page at  http://thegline.com/
and he writes a show biz comedy page at  http://thegline.com/cel-rot/

Check him out.

Bad Deal  w/Update

From: brian  bo8613a@american.edu

Subject: email i received

Gore's Supporters Disrespect an American War Hero

 "Nebraska Sen. Bob Kerrey, who received the Medal of Honor for his
 efforts in Vietnam, was assaulted by an overzealous Gore supporter on
 Sunday. Kerrey, who was outside a Gore event attempting to talk to
 reporters, was met by a group of hostile Gore fans who shouted insults,
 stuck placards in his face and splashed mud on him.

 The Boston Herald reports that Kerrey, who lost a leg in Vietnam,
 was called a "cripple" by a Gore partisan.
 The response of Al Gore's campaign spokesman?
 'First Amendment. They have the right to say what they want'........"

 What do you think about this?

I'm sure I think the same way as 99 percent of all Americans.
Somebody needs their ass kicked really goddamn hard if it's true.

...and it shows that Gore's camp is no Clinton camp.
If your report is accurate, after "mudboy" gets his ass kicked,
the unnamed Gore spokesman should be out if a job.

I may have some words for Kerrey sometimes, but that lost leg
goes a long goddamn way here at ol' BartCop manor.

Compare it to the Superbowl when the player hurt his neck.
While he was down, everybody was on the same team.
You fuck with Bob Kerrey because he can't fight back real good,
and you'll see the KKK and the blacks team up for a few minutes.
The update on this is a shocker.
New reports say the people were yelling "quitter" at Bradley,
not "cripple" at Kerrey, and the big shocker is the report that Bradley
himself called for an apology even though he knew the real facts,
and even Bob Kerrey says it didn't happen.

Mr. Bradley, is this true?
How badly do you want to win this election, Mr. Bradley?
Have you sunk even lower than your "Willie Brown" stunt?

...and now, it's on to South Carolina!




South Carolina is one of the leading states in racism,
so I expect Gov Smirk to do better there than in New Hampshire.

Practical Jokes are Not Funny

Smirk's staff played a really, really mean trick on him last night.
He killed a 750 of Jim Beam and just wanted to hide from the whole world.
His staff woke him up at 3 AM and said McCain's win was all a mistake,
and that BUTCH was the real winner of the New Hampshire primary.

But before they could stop him, Smirk was in the streets waving that
gag t-shirt at everybody saying "I won in spite of you stupid sons-a-bitches."

With Dubya's recent luck, a Newsweek photographer caught this picture.


That poor bastard...

February 2, 2000

 Pigboy's Top Ten True Excuses for Smirk's Massacre

10. The press hates Governor Blow Monkey

 9. That "compassionate" shit is killing him with McVeigh Republicans.

 8. Sneaky liberals registered as Independents to de-rail Butch.

 7. The good weather brought out the "stupid voters."

 6. New Hampshire has become a suburb of liberal New York.

 5. If just 20 percent of the people had voted differently,
     we would've had a different result. (My favorite)

 4. Too many people voted - about eighty percent.

 3. Last-minute Bradley crash helped McCain.
     (This one has been mentioned by legitimate commentators, too.)

 2. Voters concentrated on candidate's "message," not the issues.

    ...and the Number One reason Smirk got his ass kicked....

 1. Huge "media orgasm" made voting machines too sticky to count right.

Old Format Wins Stunning Upset

There were more Old format votes than New format votes.
The final vote was 88 Old format, and 69 New format.
(More like a Gore victory, than a McCain landslide)
The most compelling argument I heard was from a lady:

When I hit, 'The Latest,' I want to see 'the Latest,'
not news that's hours old.

Except for updated stories or rebuttals, it doesn't matter a lot
which story comes first, so I'll just do a better job with
designating the Updates so if you need to read something first,
you can follow the road signs.

The Evening in Pictures

The day started like any other, then a scary moment for the governor
this morning - while cooking his own breakfast, Smirk flipped a pancake
in the air and waited for hours, but it didn't come down!
No matter how hard he stared, it never came down.



Later, around sunset, Gov. Smirk learned of his humiliating
ass-kicking by John McCain while bowling in New Hampshire.


In a fit of rage, Smirk beat himself silly with a mini-bowling ball.


Karen Hughes, his top media advisor, recommended Smirk wear
his tallest boots for the bullshit he would have to throw to spin this
monster fuck-up like it wasn't the end of his career..


After a tearfull press conference, Blow Monkey sneaked behind
the bar to search for some badly-needed liquor to ease the pain.


Wednesday, Smirk was too hung over to meet with reporters.


how did Tom Delay take the shocking New Hampshire news?

Thanks to J. Gaylord

More Trouble for Doc Harpy


JUST days after taking television's biggest program marketplace by storm,
Paramount Domestic Television execs are being forced to rethink their plans
to launch Dr. Harpy'sTV show, slated for national syndication in the fall.

The Diss Doctor, whose inimitable brand of hate-love created a one-woman
industry, was one of the hits of the National Association of Television Program
Executives convention in New Orleans last week.

"We have never been involved with a program that sold as quickly," Joel Berman,
president of Paramount told staffers celebrating the show's reception there.

But 73-year-old Dr. Laura has stepped up her attacks on gays and lesbians
in the last year, and the planned launch of her TV show has given gay activists
a big, fat, Nazi target to shoot back at.

She virulently attacked Vermont's decision to give same-sex partners legal rights,
gay adoptions, equal rights for gays, and even charitable donations for AIDS research.

Gay actors and non-gays who work on Viacom and Paramount movies and
television shows were quick to make their feelings known. They include Joe Keenan,
an Emmy-award winning writer and producer for Kelsey Grammer on "Frasier,"
one of Paramount's biggest money-makers.
Paramount co-president Frank Kelly agreed to meet with some of the studio's
top earners to try to smooth ruffled feathers.

Studio honchos are worried that protests over Schlessinger could spread to their
other shows and sponsors. To give them even worse jitters, salespeople for rival
syndicators are spreading bad word of mouth on her, trying to convince program
directors that crowds of gays will throw themselves on the sidewalk outside stations
that agree to carry the show.

In an upcoming cover story in the gay magazine The Advocate, Dr. Harpy stands by
her view that gays are deviants who should seek therapy to try to become straight.

She also told The Advocate that the real hate-mongers are gays, themselves.
"I don't know of any gay person who has gotten a death threat attributed to anything
I said on the air. But I get them based on misrepresentation of my views by activists,"
said the real-life Miss Piggy.

So, how did Pigboy close today's show?

(Swear to Koresh, this is all true!)

The real news about yesterday's New Hampshire primary is.....

Many people think Smirk is scared, but they're wrong.
The most frightened man in America is Al Gore.
(ha ha)
Al Gore is scared because he knows Bradley is coming on strong.
Gore only won by four points!!

Mark my words, Bush isn't scared at all.
It's Al Gore who's in abject panic!

ha ha

Yes, Pigboy, I have marked your words.

You see in Pigboy's world, the incumbent who came from 8 points
behind to win is the big LOSER, shaking in his boots,

...and the front-runner with the $60,000,000 who got an 18-point
ass-kicking by a guy with no money is the confident WINNER!

ha ha

Pigboy, you're the King of Horseshit.

Even your spoon-fed ditto-sheep won't buy this lie, Rush.



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