Vol 145 - The Big Change

As I watch George Brett give his Hall-of-Fame acceptance speech,
I swear, if he credits Limba for his success, I'll puke.

To hear Pigboy tell the tale, they're best friends.

Please, George, I always liked you.
Keep this day Baseball and don't bring The Whore into it.

Thanks, George.
You can do it.

I remember years ago, when candidate Bill Clinton went on Arsenio and played his sax.
Rush threw a fit for a week.

"Clinton has no class, mixing politics and show business like this."
Rush hammered Clinton for weeks after that.
"It's undignified," he said 1,000 times.

Fast-forward to 1999.

Governor Ventura is wearing a yellow boa, and he's got
"Chyna" on his arm as he threatens Vince McMahon.
"This is MY state, and it's my rules or the highway."

What does Rush say now about politics and show business?
"Governor Ventura is just having a little fun.
He's redefining politics," Rush claims.

With a yellow Boa, Rush?

Gee, Rush.
It's almost like you're getting PAID to call one "undignified,"
while the other is just "re-defining" politics.

Is that right, Rush?
Is your "relentless pursuit of the truth" actually
a relentless search for more whore money?

Or was it Clinton speaking with "the darkies" that upset you?

I have a counter now for this web site.
So far, I've had 34 hits.

Pretty good, eh?

I heard Novak say it again last night on Capitol Gang:

"Give the billionaires a tax break and one of them might come into a restaurant
 where you work and tip you a dollar more more than he would have."

(I'd like to give you a link to it, but CNN's transcript service is 15 days behind.
 What's wrong with these people? - 15 days behind?)

Is Novak right?
Reagan cut taxes, and caused two recessions and a depression.
Clinton raised taxes and dark turned to light, despair turned to hope.
Can I prove that?

I don't care what anybody says - there's nothing more fun than economic charts and graphs.

OK, you see Line One?
That's where the stock market was when Reagan's New Reich took over.
We started with $10,000 under Nixon, and Reagan took us from about $50,000 to $205,000,
but it took eight looooooooong years.

You see line two?
That's when Butch took over.
Butch took your $205 and grew that into about $320,000.
Nevermind that your debt went from $1 trillion to $4.5 trillion.

So, your money went from $50,000 to $320,000, multiplying six times,
but your debt went up almost five-fold.

BartCop has a question.
What have you gained?

Now it gets good.
Look at line three - that's where Bill Clinton started driving the boat.
It took a few months to get things cranking,
took a few months to lose the shackles of "Voodoo Economics," as Butch called it,
but Bill Clinton re-wrote the rulebook and taxed us into prosperity!
Go Bill!

Yep, by 1994, things were taking off.
Look at that angle!

Go, Baby. Go!
Stay up, Honey, Stay up!

Give that man some oral sex.
He's doing a great job.

In just two years, your money went from $320,000 to $450,000, and the debt started shrinking.
(Line 4)
That's real progress - not phony, trickle-down progress.
Under Clinton, your money went from $320,000 to $710,000, and he wiped out the deficits.

Thanks to Bill Clinton, the biggest fight in Washington is what to do with all the extra money.

The Voodoo idiots want to spend it!
Like children, they want some candy!
Bill Clinton and the Democrats want to meet our obligations first.
It's called "being responsible."

And if you think the president shouldn't get the credit,
explain Jimmy Carter's second term to me.

Al Gore couldn't lose this election if he tried.

I think my counter is broken.
It's still on 51 hits, and I'm getting more than 50 e-mails a day.

Shirley, I'm not getting e-mail from everyone who visits...


Mas Tequila!    (See Update Below)

To celebrate kicking Rush's ass last Monday, I went to the Spirits store and bought a bottle
of Sammy Hagar's new tequila. It's called "Cabo Wabo Tequila."
"Vitamin T," he calls it.
I got the gold, of course.

Oh, I'd also like to say I like Sammy Hagar as a musician about a 3 or 4 on the scale to ten.
 I have a rule.
(I have a lot of rules.)

American musicians are almost as bad as English comedians.
I don't get English humor at all.

Benny Hill?
Are you kidding me?

Monty Python?
Never cared for it, not even one percent.
I can handle American musicians LOTS better than I can handle English humor.

That Bean character?
Could he possibly be any less funny?
Puts a bean in his nose and blows it at someone?
Something tells me I could be rich if I lived in England.

So however this tequila judging goes, it's not that I'm pro- or anti- Sammy.
Hey, Sammy, I paid $46.99 plus tax for this tequila.
Is it any good?

We're going to find out - right now.
A small booklet comes with each bottle.


Inside the book are several recipes.
Like with the Grey Goose vodka, if I'm going to spend $50 for some liquor,
I'm not going to mix it with something that kills the taste.
It's like pouring ketchup on your filet mignon, Sammy.
If I'm drinking with a newbie or some women, I'll buy a  cheap tequila, like Jose Cuervo.

Before we go further, you know who makes the best margarita?

That's right.
If you want a GREAT margarita get a shot glass and a lime that God grew
with a lime seed and the energy of the sun and that's a margarita, my friend.

Slap some salt in your mouth,
shoot your shot and let the Good Lord  bring it on home.

Mmmmmm, boy!
Makes my mouth water as I type this.
Oh, by the way, this is LIVE.
I'm typing this right now.

Anyway, back to the task at hand:
Sammy says the bottles are all different because they're "hand-blown."
(There's a joke there, somewhere, I'll come back and add it later.)

The bottle is attractive, that's a plus.
I don't buy liquor for the bottle, but presentation counts.
It's got a big, wooden doorknob-type cork, which is cool, too.
I'll bet that added 2 bucks to the price.

What else is there, anything?
This is a 750 ml I got for my $50.
I thought I was getting a quart, but I couldn't tell because of the odd-shaped bottle.

Geez, this better be good-tasting tequila.
For $50, I should get oral sex with my tequila.

Ok, ...getting closer...

I'm pouring a shot into the shot glass we got from the Willard Hotel in DC.
Remind me to finish the BartCop in the White House story.

Ok,  I'm sniffing the tequila, like those snooty French people do with their wine...
Hell, I don't know - it smells like tequila to me.

Ok, here goes the salt...

Am I ready?

Here goes Sammy Hagar's $50 tequila...
(After I do the shot, I won't be able to type,
 so let me say that right after the shot,
 I plan to bite into God's lime.)

Wait, one more tip, and this is important.
Have a small wedge of lime and don't bite into it like you're starving.
You just want a quick nip at it, otherwise you drown the flavor with God's most excellent lime.

Here goes...



....not bad.

The tequila is sliding down my esophagus, creating that warm feeling.
...so far, no complaints.

Seems like "no complaints" isn't stirring praise for $50 tequila.
Maybe I should try another one, to be sure?

Whoa, my forehead just broke into a sweat.
That's never happened before.

Ok, second shot.
That one was better.
I held the shot in my mouth for a moment.
It does have a fuller flavor than my old standby Souza gold.

Hmmm, maybe I should give Ol' Sammy a chance.
Tell you what - I'm going to do another 10-12 shots and see what happens.

Wish me luck!

I know, I'll work on my White House story as I do Mas Tequila!

Maybe there is something to Sammy's Cabo Wabo Hagar Tequila.
I'm watching Capitol Gang, and I just heard Margaret Carlson call Tom Delay a moderate.

If this tequila makes me hallucinate,
I might fall into that Wizard of Ahhs wormhole again.

...and we don't want that!


I kept doing shots, but nothing ever happened.
Sammy's Cabo Wabo doesn't do anything.

No wonder the song is "More Tequila."
You never get off.

I get the feeling that "The Latest" is the only page getting hits,
(Now over FIFTY!)

so I wanted to let you know there are new Doc Meng cartoons, now under "More Stuff,"
There are several new Eargasms, some new Monkey Mail etc.

...and be sure and check the Chris Rock stuff.

Do me this one favor.

I mentioned a song in Volume 122.
It's called "Two Shots of Happy."

That's a song written by Bono of U2 for Frank Sinatra.
It's one of the best songs I've ever heard,
and double that when you catch the lyrics.

Jimmy Page is God - that's a given,
But Bono sits at his right hand.

C'mon, you got a few minutes..
Ol' BartCop is asking for a few minutes of your time.

Have I ever asked you for something before?
Well, yes I have, but truss me...

Do me this one favor,
and do Bono's tribute to Frank...

This just in...

We're receiving scrambled e-mail from somewhere...
Is this transmission from another world?
Need help decifering,

All comments appreciated.


>Worldwide beard copilot

>Of: ubernicht@comp.stuttgart.net

>Dear beard copilot,
>They know old beard copilot, had you me to really go. If I read your last net column,
>I find you to attract us. Surely! CONCERNED! I am to believe that you do not
>receive nice post office! It kidding.

>Do not pour if you delete us out and supporting communications of your readers
>require, I hope, to relieve with these words of the support:

>It renews, in order to read a column, which does not only say the fact that
>Limbaugh falschist but over disproving and the Rebuking from Fatso with such
>merciless merriment goes. How Limbaugh on air remained for 10 years, led me to
>ask much over my fellow Americans: What do they believe and why?


>Worrisome on its surely.

>after the implementation of the people and, your sharp credited point renews me
>really hear and to give weight to disinformation the cash geldGrubber.


 ha ha

 That sounds like a personal slur.

 ...disinformation the cash geldGrubber...?

 ha ha

 That has to be a personal slur against Rush.
 I'll bet my next paycheck on that.
 Did he just call Rush Limba a lying, nazi whore?
 I have a thing with languages.

 I'm Catholic, for Koresh's sake.
 I grew up learning Latin,

 geldGrubber sounds like a gelding that's money-grubbing.

 I think this guy just called Rush a no-balls lying, nazi whore.

 ha ha

 People who don't even know f-ing English know that Rush is a nazi whore.
 That's always been my goal.

 It's not enough to make Rush eat it nationwide,
 I'm going to make Pigboy eat it worldwide!

Worldwide RL-LNW

 I don't speak whatever language this is,
 but it sounds like they know the real Pigboy.)

 Wait, one more sentence...

>My favourites are your Aktua


What does that mean?

If anyone recognizes that language,  and can tell me what "Aktua" is,
I'll buy you a week in Vail with my ADM money.

I have a gut feeling that "Atuka" means "Poker at Al's"
in some non-capitalist, communist-country language.

I don't know about you,
but I'm gonna do another shot of Grey Goose,
just to be safe!

ha ha

From the Republican's lying web-site, http://www.rnc.org

>"Vice President Scrooge" Shuns Charity:

>"Vice President Al Gore attracted… many unfavorable headlines this spring
>after releasing his 1997 tax return, which showed his family gave $353 of their
>$197,729 income to charity."

This is a bald-faced lie.

The truth is, Gore reported giving $353 to charity.
He may have given tens of thousands more, but chose to do it quietly
and with dignity to avoid a bunch of showboating and fanfare.

Giving to charity is like praying:

It's IMPOSSIBLE to stop it or detect it, unless the person wants to make
a big, showy deal about it and impose his fraud on somebody  who might be watching.

They could've used the correct language, that Gore only "reported" giving $353 to charity,
but using the correct language wouldn't further their false personal slur,
so they went with whatever falsehood would make them the most money.

By the way, if you go to the GOP web-site, you'll see their
home page is FULL of children, blacks, orientals etc.

ha ha

The GOP?
Friendly to kids and minorities?

ha ha

Old Business

From last issue:


>  https?
>  No wonder she's broke - she's giving out the wrong URL.

>>>Hey, dumbass,
>>>https is the secure http protocol.
>>>That URL is right.

I'd like to thank the several hundred people who wrote to tell me what a dink I am.
Hey, I never claimed to be an expert at this fancy-magic box they call a computer.

Now that you mention it, I wondered why my credit card bills always end up in the thousands,
even when I didn't charge anything because I didn't know about the SECUREsites.

As Homer would say, "D'Oh!"

Great Dr. Toxic Harpy Quotes

"We don't have the Internet in our home."

Gee, Doc, I can't imagine why not...
Could THIS be the reason?

Doc Spread 'em has been harp, harp, harping against the American Library Association
for not having censored Intenet access in their libraries.

Since Dereykche can't have a modem,
I guess he can't have a library card, either.

Poor bastard is going to be in the dark his whole life...

Report: JFK Jr. Plane Missing
July 17, 1999

The latest news is all bad.
Just turn on the TV.

It was supposed to be a happy time at the Kennedy compound.
Robert F. Kennedy had a daughter, Rory.
She never got to meet her father - she was in her mother's womb on June 5, 1968.
Rory Kennedy was preparing for the happiest day of her life - her wedding.
But she woke up to this horror of a nightmare, instead.
No wonder the Kennedy's have a compound.
The whores are swarming outside their house like flies.

So far, Dan Rather has been doing everything right.
He's looking the camera right in the eye and making sense.
He's getting paid millions to handle a disaster like this and he's doing great.
He's also making a distinction between what is known and what is speculation.

How is Tom Brokaw doing?
I can't say.

NBC switched to ladies's golf,  because golf is important.
ABC has been a total whore-fest.
They should lose their fucking license to broadcast.

If you saw the opening page, (now in More Stuff) you know what that slut Barbara Walters did.
Koresh, I hate stupid, no-morals whores.
Peter Jennings is truly a moron. too.

Remember what Don Henley said last issue?
"I just have to look good, I don't have to be clear."

He could've written that for Peter Jennings.
Not that this is a funny time, but do you remember right after the OJ slow-speed chase,
when they were trying to coax the murdering bastard out of his Bronco?
Some prank caller got on live with Peter the Moron and said he was an eye-witness
to everything because he was OJ's next-door neighbor in Brentwood.

The thing is, he was doing a Steppin Fetchit voice, which for you younger kids,
Steppin Fetchit was a semi-famous black entertainer that played the "nigger fool"
back in the 30's and 40's.  When Chris Rock talks like a slave, he's doing Steppin Fetchit.

So anyway, this prank caller is doing his slave accent for Peter Jennings
while claiming to be OJ's next door neighbor and Jennings never EVER caught on,
not even when the prankster said, "Ba Ba Booey."

CNN seems to be handling things second-best.
Frank Sesno is nobody's whore.
I like him, I like watching him during a breaking story.
He's calm and confident.
Sesno is reporting that John Jr. broke his ankle in a hang-gliding accident recently,
while the other networks are saying "there's a rumor his foot was hurt."

When I think of the endless parade of news whores during the Clinton Cock Hunt,
Frank Sesno doesn't pop into my headI assume Sesno covered parts of that story,
but I can't remember him being a slimy slug like most of them.

Surely not like Backdoor Bettina Gregory.
Whenever that bitch talked about Clinton's cock, she got so turned on
she started dripping like a popsicle in a sauna.

That punk-ass Bernard Shaw can't be found, either.
I'm guessing he's peed his pants and is hiding under a table, somewhere.

Also, Darren McKagen, if that's how you spell it, has credibility with me.
She covered sports for years and years on CNN, then moved to hard news.
At first, she was a little nervous, which I found charming.
Seems like she's been doing hard news for a year or so.
Like Sesno, she's calm and confident.
CNN did good promoting her to the big chair.

Dan Rather just said CBS will stay on-the-air with this story until they can definitely
say what happened to JFK Jr and the others.  That's a very open-ended statement,
"staying on-the-air until we know,"  because this is an accident at sea.
I just hope they can recover the remains of the victims.

We don't need a year of the press whores speculating "what if?"

I know the Kennedy family is leaning heavily on their faith.
Whatever comfort they can get from their God and their faith right now,
I hope it acts like a parachute and cushions the fall they're taking.

More as it happens...


A small tribute

Sunday, Paul Begala was on Meet the Catholic with Tim Russert.
He works (his tense) with John at George Magazine, I didn't know that.
He had two short stories, both are good, the second one is better.

Begala One

Begala Two

Go figure...

I say something nice about CNN and then they put that whore-puta Wolf Blitzer
on the air with his arrogance dripping like he was Backdoor Bettina Gregory.

Wolf Blitzer has to be the most arrogant bastard on all of television.
I'd spend a week with George Will than spend another five minutes with the Wolf-whore.

Notice I said another five minutes.
If I can ever get my BartCop at the White House story finished,
I'll tell you the story about when I met this prick-bastard.

The Wolf-whore is asking every Coast Guard official he can find
if they're doing more because the missing people are Kennedy's,

Hey, Wolf-whore,  fuck you.

You want fewer planes out there looking, you stupid whore?
How does this son-of-a-bitch keep his job?

The Wolf-whore is asking anyone that will talk to him:

Was John Jr. a bad pilot?
Was John Jr. hot-dogging?
Was John Jt. showboating?
Was John Jr. too stupid to fly a plane?
Was John Jr. too reckless to fly a plane?

Hey, Wolf-whore,  fuck you.

Another one is Richard Reeves.
He wrote a book on the Kennedy's so that makes him a fucking expert?
Let's alllllllllllllllllllll get this donkey's opinions and air them.
He's on CBS and CNN talking about what a reckless and arrogant family the Kennedy's are.

Hey, Richard Reeves, fuck you.

Can you even wait until they recover the bodies?
You mother-fuckers are launching Hatefest 1999 and we haven't even located the bodies.
John Kennedy Jr. never did anything to you sons-of-bitches.

I got so sick of the Wolf-whore, I switched over to the Fox network.
I was damned surprised to see Tony Snow acting like a human being.
Maybe when he's not talking about Clinton's cock he knows not to whore it up.
I don't feel comfortable saying something nice about Tony Snow,
but just maybe he's got the brains to pull up his pants when tragedy strikes.

One last thought:

Pigboy, listen up.

Pigboy, if you launch on John tomorrow,
if you pull your usual play-with-the-cadaver lack of humanity,
if you do what you always do when a good American dies,
if you go off on John Jr. the same way you did his mother,

Pigboy, if you do that, you're going to buy me three houses.
You're going to make me a famous millionaire and you'll have to leave radio.

Pigboy, I'm warning you right now.

If you do what you always do when a democrat dies,
if you spend three hours treating John Jr. like you treated his mother,
I vow to fuck your million-dollar career to death.

If you do that, Pigboy, I'm going to build this website into a monster,
on the carcass of your formerly-profitable career.
I predict even ditto-monkeys will call and tell you to fuck yourself.

Then, after you're gone...

They'll remember you as the vicious, evil cock-sucker that you really are,
and they'll remember Ol' BartCop as the guy who made you leave radio.

Pigboy, trust me.
Tomorrow,  don't go to work.
Just play some golf.


Well, well, well...

I've always wondered what a hate-free Rush would sound like.
Looks like the Pigboy might've read my e-mail last night.

I sent it to him the same time you got yours, and I know he got it because
every 20th issue or so gets returned for some reason as undeliverable.
(...and yes, I got a little carried away, it cost me several subscribers, but I wasn't
in the mood to hear Rush piss on the man's memory before we even found him.)

He heeded my warning.
Pigboy saw the light.

Did you hear his show today?
He's still talking, as I type this.
The first hour, he only hurled one personal slur at JFK Jr, saying
"People said he walked on water.  He just couldn't fly over it."

I don't think Rush meant to personally insult John-John,
he's just a mean-spirited prick who can't pass up a cheap shot.

After that, he said JFK Jr. was a genuinely nice guy.
He said he'd talked to him on the phone a few times and he was always real nice.
The perfect gentleman, he called John Jr.
That's completely out of character for a Nazi whore.

And he was actually heaping praise on him.
He said that JFK Jr. called him one day and asked him to write a column for George Magazine,
which Rush agreed to do. Rush said after he sent the final draft to the George offices, he had a
change of heart and called Jr. and asked him to delete a paragraph that "might be misunderstood."

He said John. told him in his opinion that paragraph "brought home the whole column."
Rush said John. could've run the column as written, but he helped Rush out and delected
the paragraph that John really wanted to keep in.

Again and again, Pigboy was behaving himself and saying good things about a Kennedy..

Pigboy - saying good things about a Kennedy?

I checked to see if I had water in my ears or something, but no.
I must've scared him pretty bad.
This will shock some of you, but Rush went on to give of his theory about the crash and
actually gave the best analysis that I've heard so far, which can be attributed to two things:
- He's always been very interested in planes and flying and,
- He's had an extra day to prepare and he said he talked to a lot of pilots,
   including his private pilot that runs him around the country.

Rush can't fly commercial.
He can't mix with the general population.
He'd get his ass kicked too often.

So, for the first hour, Pigboy was a respectable human being.
Yes, you read that right.

Besides the walk on water comment, he gave me no ammunition at all.
I didn't hear him tell one lie in that entire first hour - not one.
The entire first hour was nothing but compliments about JFK Jr,
and what a "normal, decent and down-to-Earth guy" he was.

He could've gone on and on about "that idiot who couldn't fly,"
but he passed up every chance to be a prick and he acted like a human being, instead.
He added it was "very easy" to get confused when it's dark and you're flying over the water.

It was hard to believe my ears.

Pigboy, being a nice guy about a Kennedy?
After what he did to Jackie during her funeral?

There must be a reason.
I've heard almost every Pigboy show and he's never been a decent person before - ever.

Someone said over the weekend that JFK Jr. was the most well-liked man in America.
I'd never thought about it before, but that sounds right to me.
I've never seen an approval rating on him, but I'd guess his approval rating
might've been around 85 percent, so maybe Rush just had the brains not to piss-off
85 percent of America and decided to take the practical course.

Then I thought of something that worried me:
The first hour goes to Armed Forces Radio.
He had to be nice the first hour.

I don't know if you ever realized this, but when Clinton was bombing Milo's balls off,
Rush always attacked our military in the second and third hours, so our fighting men wouldn't
hear his non-stop personal slurs about "the Joint Chief's Conspiracy to prop up the Traitor."

The second hour would be the real test.
I'm listening to it now.

Unless he changes and does a 180 and turns back into the real Rush,
I won't be getting those three houses.
It'll take longer for me to make my first million,
and Pigboy can continue with his career.


I didn't want the money or the fame or the three houses.
I just wanted Pigboy to act like a human being once in his damn life.

Maybe my warning worked.

Not sure why, maybe it was his attacks on Bill Clinton,
but I never had much use for Sen. Patrick Moynihan of New York,
except for a 36 year old quote of his.

In the dark days of November 1963, at the funeral, someone said to Moynihan,
"This tragedy is so sad, we'll never laugh again."

Moynihan thought for a moment and said,
"Oh, we'll laugh again, ...someday,
 but we'll never be young again."

They found John,
 and I feel older.

The man giving the just-breaking NTSB update says
there is video of the bodies floating in the plane wreckage.

That's what we need...

It makes sense to video a rescue operation,
but how long before that footage reaches the Internet?

I'll bet that fuck Henry Hyde will try to put it on TV.

As I write this, Pigboy is taking a beating from his loyal ditto-monkeys.
His second hour, July 21:

Again and again, Pigboy accused Jackie of cooking up a photo-op,
as though a widow could be that incredibly self-centered at her husband's funeral.

Caller:  Rush, I'm a big fan, been with you all these years, but you've gone too far this time.

Pigboy:  What?  What am I doing wrong?

Caller: Your constant ridicule of John-John's salute to his father.
            There's no reason for that while they're pulling his body from the water.

Pigboy: It's not my fault!
             I didn't do that!
             How can I be blamed for that?

Caller:  Rush, your voice is dripping with sarcasm, and it sounds really bad.

Rush:   It does not.

Caller:  Rush, this ridicule of the dead is beneath you.

Pigboy It is not!
             Oh, come on,
             You've got to be kidding me!

Caller: Rush, let it go.
            It's beneath you to be so petty.
            You're better than that..

Pigboy I AM NOT!!

So he closed the second hour like this:

"I AM sorry,      .....if my honesty offended you."

What do I really think of Rush?

He spent Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday calling Jackie names
because Latricia Baldridge told Chris Matthews that John-John's salute was rehearsed.

First off, nobody knows the real story.

It's Pigboy's job to get some facts,
then multiply whatever he knows by 10,000,
then assign the wildest, most outrageous motives to every Democrat involved,
then harp on it like Doc Meng for 12 hours, all the time claiming,

"Don't blame me, I'm just repeating what the other guy said."

Pigboy, you are one worthless pussy, you know that?

Latricia Baldridge may've been Jackie's "Martha Stewart," but we didn't get the whole story.
All we got was a 30-second sound bite and twelve hours of your play-with-the-cadaver sarcasm.

For all we know, John-John saluted every time he saw his father return a salute,
and since he was only two fucking years old, maybe he saluted with his left hand.
Maybe he saluted with his fingers spread like Mr. Spock - we don't know.

We don't know the whole story, all we know is Baldridge said a secret service agent
rehearsed the salute with the little two-year old.  Maybe Jackie didn't want whores
like Limba pointing out that the little two year old boy was "too stupid" to salute correctly,
so she asked somebody to teach him since a BILLION people would be watching the next day.

Pigboy, you disgust me with your cheap-shot attacks on the dead and the defenseless.
Maybe sometime, if you ever get your single testicle pumped up enough to fight somebody
who can fight back, we'll tangle, you gutless shit.

Until then, try this.

I heard something on Rush's show that I thought was really cool.

Rush played a clip of Larry Flynt talking about JFK Jr.
I guess I heard a while back that John invited Larry Flynt to be his guest
at the White House Correspondents' annual dinner, but it didn't really register.

Flynt said he was curious why he'd gotten this invitation,  since he had published
nude photos of Jackie Kennedy when she was an Onassis in the 70's..

Sidebar - The naked Republican pictures I have on this website were all posed pictures.
Flynt published paparazzii photos of Jackie. She occasionally strolled around nude
on her private island, and some punk-ass photographer got some unclear, long-lens pictures of her.
Flynt offered Jackie $1,000,000, (this was back when a million dollars meant something)
if she'd go on Johnny Carson and let Johnny ask her one question about the photos.
Since Jackie wasn't for sale, like the Republican ho'ers on this site, she ignored him.

Second Sidebar - If Flynt did that to my mother,
and I was that rich, I'd give a million to a close friend who I could trust with my life.
Then I'd tell him to give $800,000 of it to someone he could trust to keep his mouth shut.
Then that guy would give $600,000 to someone he could trust to keep his mouth shut
to give $400,000 to someone he could trust to keep his mouth shut to give $200,000
to someone he could trust to keep his mouth shut, to whack the mother-fucker.
As you know, John was a better man than Ol' BartCop.

Back to the story...
So, yeeeeeeeeears later, her son calls and invites him to a party?
Flynt agreed to go.   (And if there's more to that story, please send it to me.)

While they were at the dinner, Flynt's curiosity got the best of him and he asked John,
"How can you be so nice to me, considering what I did to your mother?"

Flynt said John looked him right in the eye and said,

"I'm a Kennedy.  I have thick skin."

The man had class.

I miss him already.

July 22
I'm going to introduce you to a severe ditto-monkey.
His name is Sgt. Daniel Foster of Fort Huachuca, AZ
He had this letter in today's USA Today.

   This is a discussion of the value of life.
To be sure, I'm saddened by the news of the deaths of
JFK Jr and his wife and her sister. I do not, however,
consider their deaths worth more than the deaths of others,
such as those who died serving our country.
   Tuesday's USA Today had 16 artciles on JFK, yet I found
only a four-sentence story on an inside page reporting
the deaths of American servicemen in Kosovo.
   My fellow servicemen died a half a world away, in a
tragic accident while defending someone else's freedom.
This ratio of coverage disturbs me.
   Are we as a nation really going to say that the death
of a celebrity is more important  than that of a soldier
performing his sworn duty? No wonder it is acceptable to
reduce the manpower and equipment and funding for the
military, whose members are asked to put themselves in
harm's way again and again.
   Apparently they don't count. They're just soldiers.

                               Sgt. Daniel T. Foster
                               Fort Huachuca, AZ

This is the kind of letter that pisses me off.
First, let me say that nobody stands behind our boys in uniform like Ol' BartCop.


I don't care who's president, unlike bastards like Limba who hate and ridicule the military
when America elects a Democrat to the White House.   The only military people I loath
are the ones who swear their loyalty to their country and their President, then behind his back
dial Rush's show and call Clinton a "faggot-loving, Coward-in-Chief."
I loath those sons-of-bitches with all I've got.

Danny Foster heard Pigboy commit this exact piece of verbal-wilding Wednesday,
so he ran to his fax machine and sent that clumsy joke of a letter to USA Today.
Limba's army of ditto-monkeys feel duty-bound to regurgitate every half-witted slur
that comes out of his dirty, hate-filled, race-baiting mouth.

Let me explain how things work, Danny.

We knew JFK Jr for almost 40 years.
When someone you know dies, it means more to you
than the death of a person you didn't know.

It's like saying, "I cried when my Grandpa died, but none of my neighbors did."

Danny, your neighbors didn't cry for Grandpa because they didn't know him.
That doesn't mean your neighbors are heartless, you idiot.

We knew JFK Jr.
We knew him for 39 years, you stupe.
We didn't know those soldiers who died serving their country in Kosovo.
I think every member of the armed forces is a hero, but we can't have a national period
of mourning each time a soldier dies in a training accident.
It's just not possible.

What's wrong with you that your brain can't understand something that simple?
Why don't you use your head a little more instead of parroting everything
you hear from the Pigboy's foul mouth?

When Rush does these little drive-by assaults; he's just throwing red-meat to his ditto-monkeys,
telling them what they want to hear so he can continue making $20,000,000 a year.
Limba is not to be taken seriously, Danny.

Calling JFK Jr. "a celebrity" tells me your second sentence was a goddamn lie.
Why did you ask USA Today to publish a goddamn lie, Danny?
And eat me for your gratuitous slap at Clinton at the end.
Your cowardly cheap shot put the sincerity of your whole letter in doubt.

You don't care about those soldiers that died.

You just wanted to worship your idol in public by taking a shot at Clinton
after getting people's emotions stirred up with your pretend ditto-monkey outrage.

You're a small man, Sgt. Foster.
Our military deserves better than you.

Republican Hate Forces the Kennedys to Bury John at Sea.

ABC Radio is reporting that the Kennedy family has asked permission,
and permission has been granted, to bury John Jr. at sea.

Naturally, you'd figure that he'd be buried at Arlington,
but for that to happen, Clinton would have to have to sign a waiver.
We all remember Rush and Liddy and Ollie Traitor accusing Clinton of
"peeing on the graves at Arlington" for cash, which, of course, never happened.

For days and days and days, and to THIS day,
the Republicans still  pretend it happened.

"Another Clinton scandal," they call it.

Our former ambassador to Switzerland, who was a contributor, had to be dug up.
One man lied about his service record.
One man lied about his service record, so the right-wing had him dug up.

I believe the Kennedys didn't want to re-open that controversy,
and they didn't want John dug up in the future, for Christ's sake!
And who would put THAT past this all-white bunch of neo-nazis,
so ...what other choice did the Kennedy family have?.

If they buried John anywhere else - anywhere else,
his grave would be mobbed like the grave of Princess Diana.
And without the round-the-clock security that Arlington provides,
the extreme ditto-monkeys would vandalize and desecrate his grave,
maybe even to the point of trying to steal the body.
Ditto-monkeys are like that.

Since the Republicans won't allow an Arlington burial,
the family has no choice but to bury him at sea.

That's really sad.
Every November 22, the Kennedy family visits JFK's grave.
But they'll never get to visit John's grave, because of Republican hate.

Can you believe the right-wing bastards would rob the Kennedys of that?

This is what the Republicans have given to America in the 1990's.
Never-ending hate, fueled by the money-grubbing radio nazis.

...and the Republicans think the media is responsible for their hateful image?

Buffer between the tragedy and the comedy.

Chris Rock

His new HBO Special is so huge.
I read a review that said "It's not that good."

Yes, it is.

Chris Rock is as good as it gets.
Dennis Miller is better at hitting singles,
but Chris Rock hits home runs that break the clock in right field.
The HBO show,  I've seen it four times since Saturday.
It gets a little better every time.

Comedy's not supposed to do that.
Comedy is best first, and decent the second time around,
by the third run thru it's only so-so and you don't even want to see it a fourth time.
This Chris Rock gets better with each viewing.

He's has a Doc Meng rant that's perfect.
He does a bit on the importance of fathers, and why some ho is
in a club on Wednesday at midnight and not home with her kids
Having Dad in the home isn't mandatory, but it works better, he says.
Driving with your feet is possible, too, but driving with your hands works better.

He delivers Meng's message without the condescension.
He delivers Doc Meng's message while telling the truth.

Another bit he did...

Tupac was assassinated?
Biggy Smalls was assassinated?


Martin Luther King was assassinated.
Malcolm X was assassinated.
John F Kennedy was assassinated...

...them two niggers got shot.

He does some killer Monica stuff, too.
And he has advice for men and women on how to get along.

It's the funniest hour since his last HBO Special.
Check it out.

Rush spent most of the 12th trying to get his sheep to buy the lie that Reagan's economy
was better than the Clinton economy.  Pigboy, you're really fun to watch on that high wire.

He was saying all kinds of really wild stuff like,
"Reagan had growth of four percent,
 while Clinton can only average three percent growth"

The people who get their Woolite by the case might believe that.
Reagan threw us into a 30's-type depression, so naturally his growth was bigger, Pigboy.

Reagan brought us from $25 a week to $50 a week, so yes,
the Republican fax machine is spitting out Reagan's 100 percent
increase as a bullshit cover for his bungling of the economy.

Clinton brought us from $1000 a week to $1500 per week.
That's only a 50 percent increase, right Rush?.

Reagan's $50 is better for us than Clinton's $1500, right Rush?
Reagan may have some phony-baloney numbers behind him,
if you climb up a tree and look at it from some certain angle,
but nobody wants to go back to Reagan's wild spending spree.

You're not that good a salesman, Rush.

Bush/Uncle OJ Watts in 2000?

Ed Henry's 'Heard on the Hill' in Roll Call, July 12, 1999


Not a chance.
The Shrub doesn't know Dole about foreign policy, neither does Uncle OJ.
Hell, Uncle OJ doesn't know how to tie his damn shoes or raise his kid.
This is just the GOFP trying to play the "we accept niggers" card.

They have one black guy in their entire party, so they're going to talk
about what a great Veep he'd be, surely with the understanding that he
turns down the job if and when they offer it to him.

If they're running a joke for President, the Veep will have to be
somebody with credibility, like McCain or...
somebody we can respect, like McCain or...

Does the GOFP have any other people with credibility?

I know who they could run.

Dan Quayle!!

He's experienced and ready to go.
If Quayle runs and wins, I'll start going to church again.

Boy, the GOFP fax machines were humming today.

On every Sunday morning talk show, every where you looked,
it was the same exact line, delivered the same exact way:

On Meet the Catholic, Trent Lott said,
Hillary Clinton looks good right now as a candidate because she's a celebrity.
She's our version of Princess Diana, so sure, she's drawing crowds and saying nothing.

On Fox News, Tony the Snow Job said,
Hillary Clinton looks good right now as a candidate because she's a celebrity.
She's our version of Princess Diana, so sure, she's drawing crowds and saying nothing.

On Face the Whore, Rick Santorum said
Hillary Clinton looks good right now as a candidate because she's a celebrity.
She's our version of Princess Diana, so sure, she's drawing crowds and saying nothing.

On This Whore with Sam & Kooky,  Bill Kristol said:
Hillary Clinton looks good right now as a candidate because she's a celebrity.
She's our version of Princess Diana, so sure, she's drawing crowds and saying nothing.

Rudy the Ruthless  looks like he's never been in a campaign before.
At every stop, he's attacking Hillary, but Hillary won't attack back.

Rudy wants to know more about cattle futures from 1978.
Rudy wants to know more about Vince Foster.
Rudy says the word "carpetbagger" three times in every sentence.
Rudy ridicules Arkansas when he's not using the word "carpetbagger."
Rudy wants to know more about Monica.

Hey, Rudy -

Where's your WIFE, Rudy?

Rudy is porking a woman on his staff while Mrs. Rudy sits home, filing divorce papers.

Meanwhile, like her husband, Hillary is sticking to the issues people want to talk about:
- She's talking about health care
- She's talking about the patient's bill of rights,
- She's talking about how to reform HMO's and family issues

...while Rudy the Ruthless comes off like Genghis Khan.

Rush spent Friday hammering Clinton for "getting the budget wrong."

Hey, Pigboy.
The budget numbers were better than anybody could've predicted.
That's not bad news, you ignorant slut, that's good news.

Pigboy kept saying,
"Mr President, if you're so accurate at predicting the future,
 tell me where the Dow will be on Jan 1, 2000.
 You can't give me that exact figure, Mr. President?
 That must mean your predictions aren't very reliable."

Typical Pearl-Harbor-type Pigboy ambush.
The news is good news, you unpatriotic bastard..
Can't you understand that?

If I predict my company can build a bridge in 1 year,  but it takes two years,
maybe that means I don't know my stuff.


If I say we'll build that bridge in a year and we finish it in 9 months, that doesn't mean
I'm an idiot who doesn't know Dole about construction, you fucking moron.

If Mark McGwire predicts he'll hit 60 home runs this year, and he actually hits 70,
you'd say,"Mark McGwire doesn't know shit about baseball," right Pigboy?

The Republicans refuse to acknowledge the facts.
When Clinton hits ball after ball out of the ball park, the GOFP says it's because
Reagan made the wind stronger 20 years ago with the depressions of 1982 and 1986.

Pigboy, can't you tell the truth - just once in your miserable life?

Y'know, there's a hundred ways for Pigboy to tell a lie.
Here are two examples from Thursday, July 8th.

Pigboy said:
Why is Hillary even running for the Senate from New York?
Is Hillary the best candidate the liberal democrats can come up with?
I'll tell you why, because the liberal democrats don't have any decent candidates
in the entire state of New York, so they have to look outside the state for somebody.

Gee, Rush.
Why is the Republican Party running an unknown governor for president?
Is it because you don't have any decent candidates in Washington?
Why did your side elect a complete unknown to be speaker?
Is it because Denny Hastert is the only republican in Washington who hasn't
cheated on his wife, and that's how he got to be second in line for the presidency?
Because your party couldn't afford three speaker resignations in a row?

Your throwbacks have control of the House and the Senate, so explain why
your party is running with a complete unknown for president?
Aren't there any decent Republicans in the House or the Senate, Rush?

You see?
When he's hiding alone behind his microphone, Pigboy can say the stupidest things
and there's nobody to call him on it. He can accuse the democrats of the wildest charges
while his buddies are guilty of the same thing, only worse!

Whatever Hillary's reasons are for running for the Senate, they have to be more legit
than whatever The Shrub's reasons are for running for president.

Here's another lie from Thursday:

Hillary is in a lot of trouble.
Sure, she has decent poll numbers now, but how long will that last?
Her popularity may be high now, but she's got nowhere to go but down.

Oh, Please!

The Shrub has high numbers now because he's afraid to open his mouth.
All we know about the Shrub is that he's a waffler on Kosovo,
he's a waffler on gun control and he's a waffler on affirmative action.
Since he's a complete unknown, his negatives are naturally low.

We know the "bad news" about Hillary, and she's still riding high.
When the Shrub finally gets the balls to take a stand on an issue,
his negatives will jump and his approval rating will drop into the 40's.

Plus, at some point, the Shrub's honeymoon will be over.
At some point he's going to have to answer questions, such as:

The Cocaine Question
How much Cocaine did you do, Shrub, and when did you do it?
When was the last time you snorted cocaine?

Did you snort the cocaine, Governor, or did you inject it?
What's your position on sharing needles, Shrub?
Should cocaine addicts get free needles from the government?

How much cocaine did you ever buy at one time, Mr. Presidential candidate?
Don't tell us you bought "one or two quarter papers," Governor.
Rich boys don't buy their cocaine in $25 bags.

Did you ever buy a half-pound of cocaine, George?
Did you ever buy a half-pound, then sell ounces to your buddies?
Have you ever sold cocaine, Governor?
What is the GOP's position on cocaine dealers, George?
I think it's "zero tolerance," isn't it George?
Is it a good idea to put Cocaine-boy in the White House?

Tell us, Shrub, is the Rule of Law important?
And if it is, when did you come to this decision?
Obviously, drug laws meant nothing to you when you were addicted.

Just yesterday, on the campaign trail, Shrub recognized a deadbeat junkie
who still owes him $2000 for an ounce of blow. Shrub had his secret service
people beat the shit out of the guy, plant cocaine on him and arrest him.
You can't fuck with the Shrub, at least in Texas.

Tell me, George, how many black men are in Texas prisons for selling cocaine?
What? You can't give me the number?
I'm shocked!

How is your freedom relative to their incarceration, considering you're both
guilty of doing and selling cocaine, explain that please, Mr. Presidential candidate.

How about Jeb, the Sprout?
You shared cocaine with the Sprout, right?
Did you ever sell the Sprout any cocaine?

How about what's-his-name, the guy you keep hidden, Neil Butch?
When he raped Silverado S&L back in the go-go eighties,
I'm sure he spent some stolen taxpayer money on cocaine, right Shrub?

Oh, one other thing, Shrub.
Are you a cocaine addict?
Were you a cocaine addict?
If so, you can't be president, right?

Or are you saying that people can occasionally do a few lines of coke on the weekend
and go on to lead productive lives like "normal" Americans?
If so, why don't you call for the legalization of cocaine?

You're living proof it's not that harmful, right Shrub?

The Secret Child Question
I have a question that will rock the fuck out of the Shrub's campaign.
How many children do you have, Governor?

It may seem like a simple question, but the answer is very complicated.
You watch, when they ask Shrub, he'll choose his words carefully and say,
"My wife and I  have three children."

No dice, Shrub.
How many kids you got total?

I'll bet Al Gore knows the real answer.
The Shrub has an FBI file, too,

ha ha.

Shrub has a secret child that he doesn't list on his glossy resume.
You see, there's a reason the Governor knows how to speak Spanish.

The Shrub has a little Margarita on the side.
And his Margarita has a little habanero.


Shrub's bimbo-eruption team  is sending her $5,000 a month as long as she keeps
her goddamn mouth shut.  If the Shrub makes it all the way to the White House,
Margarita gets a big raise to $25,000 per month.

...or, they'll just kill her.

Let's get the Shrub under oath and ask him how many kids he's fathered..
We can't have a liar or a perjurer in the White House, can we?

Pigboy, it's not Hillary that has nowhere to go in the polls but down.
It's the Shrub.

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