February 13, 2000
Watching Capitol Gang last night, I finally figured out
what the deal was with that giant gap between her two front teeth.
You can't see it with the naked eye.
You can't see it unless you tape it and review the tape frame-by-frame.
I guess it's because of the hot lights, but now and then a fly or a moth would
float by and Kato's tongue would shoot out between her teeth and grab it!
Whoa! I was shocked!
The amazing thing is, she can do it while she's talking!
I guess, over the years, she's developed this skill to where it looks like
she's just taking a breath, but if you slow the tape down, you can see it!
Next time I get invited to an outside GOP barbecue,
I'm going to sit next to Kato and see if I can catch this phenomenon live.
It couldn't be.
I don't have this kind of luck.
On This Whore, Jesse Ventura told Sam Donaldson it's possible:
-that Pat Buchanan would get the reform party's $12,000,000.
-that David Duke might soon join the Reform Party,
-that Trump might announce his run for the White House on Good Morning Whores,
-that he, Jesse, might endorse McCain since he's dis-affiliated himself.
This year's race for the White House could be the most exciting race ever.
The Sunday Shows
After watching Meet the Catholic and Fox Whore News,
first let me say how happy I am I didn't see Gore or Bradley.
When I can't get to sleep at night, I put on a vigorous debate
between those two and I get me a looooooong, peaceful sleep.
No, this morning was wall-to-wall Republicans.
I think the most-repeated statement was,
"We want to give the people their money back."
There's question I've been asking since Ronald Reagan's deficits,
and I can't find a single Republican with the balls to answer it.
Here it is:
If a Republican President decides to spend trillions of
to upgrade the military, who's money is going to pay for that?
Who's money is that?
I'm asking a very simple question from the Republicans
and they can't look me in the eye and answer the simple question because
it exposes their entire lie about the "socialistic wealth-transfer program."
That's because they believe in horseshit that can't be defended.
Do you have an answer?
Smirk on Meet the Catholic
It's a good thing I taped it, because I missed a lot of it.
Everytime Timmy asked a question, Smirk would giggle and then
while he was attempting to stammer his dopey answer to Timmy,
Mrs. BartCop was making Jaguar noises, like she was driving.
She had her hands on the wheel, shifting the gears, taking curves,
down-shifting, coming out of the curve in her new, sleek, black Jaguar.
Does that mean he did good?
Did you know John McCain was a prisoner in North Vietnam longer
than Smirk has held any kind of public office?
You'd know that and lots more if you Click Here
I've seen Rush called this a lot of times by a lot of people,
but I didn't know proof existed until today.
From: Tina Kramer email@example.com
Subject: Mariah Carey On Starving
I assume that you dismissed my (and other people
who probably sent you similar
information about the Carey quote) prior E-mail as rantings by Mariah Carey fanatics
or that the information we cited was basically press agent blatherings.
Tina, flame off.
Did I say I was the Turnpike of Truth?
Nobody should take anything I say seriously.
I assume people know what the real news is.
If I was getting paid mega-bucks, and swore I had talent on loan
and that I'm the ONLY place you can hear the truth, and didn't write (ha ha) afterwards,
and on top of that, millions of Americans will do whatever I tell them because they're
scared and stupid and I was taking advantage of their religious insanity to
hijack their shallow excuse for some faith in God, then sure, write me a testy note.
I saw the Mariah quote and thought it was funny, so I posted it.
Immediately I received a half-dozen notarized, sworn statements that she did NOT
ever say anything close to that, and the proof contained herein will attest to the fact
that blah blah blah, which I thought was funnier, still.
So I went back to the original story, and asked how certain everybody
about the Carey quote if we used the same standard of proof that they used
against Clinton during impeachment. As a slow-wit, I thought it was funny.
Keep up the good work+ACE- But be careful about putting lies on your website.
Tina, it's ALL lies.
The only true thing I've ever said was that Rush is a lying, Nazi whore.
....Oh, anything I've ever said about Pissquik Inhofe is true, too.
The rest I made up.
It's not smart to accuse Rush of doing something and then doing the same yourself, you know.
When did I say I was smart?
All I ever claimed was that I was a Catholic
with ADD, tequila, guns and an IQ of 64.
...and a sense of humor,
McCain and Connie?
Subject: New York Post Gossip
Did you see the New York Post article on John McCain and Connie Stevens?
Rupert Murdoch must really be getting a little
anxious about his investment,
in both air time and money for his candidate.
No, but I'd like to.
Anybody have that?
Connie was a babe 40 years ago.
How Dirty is Smirk?
How Badly Does He Need to Win?
Thanks to Carol J
How Dirty is?
How Badly Does He Need to Win?
Quote of the Week
From: Patrick Farley firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject: Rush Limbaugh cartoon
BartCop: Damn, that Rush cartoon was funny.
I couldn't stop laughing.
Koresh, you put a lot into that.
P Farley: Yeah, you know how it goes:
Once you start unloading on Limbaugh,
it's hard to know when to stop.
Niggers - Stay Out of Oklahoma
A True Story of Faith
Y'know, Oklahoma is a really nice place to live - until the niggers
This is a story about three regular Oklahoma dudes and the importance of
hiring an attorney who knows the local landscape. It's also a story about
what happens when some uppity niggers decide to disturb the peace.
Alan Littler, Bill Fendley and Mark Warren, three regular, likeable
were not bothering anybody, minding their own business, driving in a pickup
truck near Oolagah, Oklahoma, home of famous Oklahoman Will Rogers.
But then here comes some uppity nigger couple named Ronald and Vonetta
allegedly just driving through Oolagah, trying to get home to Parsons, Kansas.
According to defense witnesses, the young black couple was taunting
three innocent white guys in the pickup, because everyone knows how niggers
like to put their family in the car, drive to Oklahoma and taunt a pickup full
of innocent white boys who are just out for a drive.
Oh, sure, the niggers claimed they were just riding through town.
The niggers claimed the innocent white boys were messing with them on
the road, and that the innocent white boys in the pickup started tailing them,
yelling racial slurs and throwing cans and trash at their car.
Well, in a move designed to provoke the innocent white boys, the two
stopped at the Stax convenience store in Oolagah, Oklahoma where Vonetta
went inside and asked the clerk to call police.
Isn't that just like a nigger?
They come into our state, pick a fight with some innocent white guys,
they start screaming for Johnny Law when they discover they're outnumbered.
Why didn't they ever learn to count?
I guess their brains are defective.
Things get cloudy after this.
Vonetta claimed that while the clerk was deciding what to do, the three innocent
while guys surrounded the uppity nigger and began beating him with small lengths of pipe.
Matter of fact, eight state witnessessaid the three innocent white boys
had surrounded the uppity nigger and were beating him with small lengths of pipe.
Eventually, the three innocent white boys grew tired, got in their pickup and sped away.
You'd think that uppity nigger would've decided that enough was enough,
that he'd learned a valuable lesson and gone on out of the state, but nooooo..
You know how those niggers are.
No matter what, they always want more.
Ronald and Vonetta waited for the police to arrive and told them their
To their credit, the Oolagah police agreed to talk to the "victims" and the Oolagah
police treated incident like the niggers had been the victim.
Can you believe that?
From the description, police found the pickup and, amazingly, arrested
three innocent men, which shocked this 24-year Oklahoma veteran writer.
Turns out one of the three men, the driver, Mark Warren, was on probation
and had been recently-released from the Oklahoma Department of Corrections.
What are the odds that the nigger couple would've chosen to taunt a pickup
full of men whose driver was on probation?
Niggers have that kind of dumb luck, you know...
Anyway, the pickup driver on probation had a real idiot for a lawyer.
His lawyer took a look at the three innocent white guys, the arrest report,
the lying nigger couple and the witness list and recommened he plead guilty.
to the felony charge, so he did, and Warren got an eight year prison sentence.
That dumb lawyer must've been from out-of-state.
The other two men knew better.
They hired them a country lawyer who knew the good, God-fearing locals.
They went to trial.
At the trial, the white boys testified to the truth - that the uppity
had been taunting them and trying to pick a fight. Alan Littler testified that when
Ronald Cozart pulled into the convenient store parking lot, he taunted them
by waving his arms at them yelling "Come get you some."
So, the white boys in the pickup were, in all honesty, responding to
from the uppity nigger to come beat his ass with small lengths of pipe.
Even though eight witnesses for the state said
the white boys had
the pipes, one defense witness said she thought she might've seen the uppity nigger
with a pipe, too, so that's all the jury needed to hear - reasonable doubt.
To their credit, the all-white jury went ahead with deliberations
and after ten,
long, torturous hours, they finally found the innocent white boys guilty.
Yes, they were guilty of misdemeanor assault and battery and were given 90 days
in jail and a fine of a thousand dollars.
The stupid driver messed up not knowing - not trusting,
the good people of Oklahoma.
The stupid driver pled guilty and got eight years.
Vonetta Cozart's mother, Frankie Hubbard of Knuckledrag, said she was
with the verdict. "At least they got some kind of time, and a 'guilty' put by their name
so they know they didn't get away with it."
Everybody knows this whole mess could've been avoided if that uppity
had just kept their jeering and their taunting to themselves. It's getting to where a
pickup full of ex-cons can't even drive around in the quiet Oklahoma countryside
without some nigger couple jeering and taunting and trying to start some shit with them.
If those ignorant niggers had just stayed in Africa, where they belong,
have this kind of trouble and Oklahoma would be a nicer place to live.
Oklahoma - where we elect Republicans Jim Inhofe, Don Nickles,
Tom Coburn and
Steve Largent, Wes Watkins, Ernest Istook and Uncle OJ Watts, football hero.
God Bless Oklahoma, and Niggers Stay Out
You know, there's no chance Smirk can win.
Leno, Conan, Maher, SNL they're all calling their agents, telling them
to prepare to renegotiate higher salaries if this uber-donkey gets close!
If this guy, above, wins the presidency
I'm going back to church.
Massive VCR Alert
Patrick Farley Returns
Here's what you should do:
Make yourself a sandwich, roll 'em if you got 'em, turn off the TV,
go to the bathroom,
take the phone off the hook, slice some limes, get your Chinaco bottle, lite your fatty, do a shot, then click...
From: (several sources)
Subject: Defend Clinton's License Petition
There is a petition going around to "save" Clinton's Arkansas Law license.
It's my opinion there's no fire here.
Clinton had his escape planned before this crap was filed.
This is attempt #1321 to "get" Clinton and they just fucking can't.
I think it's a bunch of Hooey.
If you want to sign the petition, sure, no problem with that.
Whatever you do, don't send any money to anybody.
They can't do anything to Clinton.
Clinton has this under full control.
It's meaningless, something for Pigboy to say "We got him now."
Don't lose any sleep.
Clinton is a big, old boy.
He can take care of himself like nobody in history.
He's the Minister of Defense.
He's the one man on the planet who needs no help.
Helping him with this would be like helping Da Vinci with The Last Supper.
If you want to help somebody,
help the poor bastard who's trying to get this petition pushed thru.
They're going to find his headless body on some railroad tracks near Mena.
Relax, do a shot of Chinaco...
Have you gotten your Valentine from the GOP yet?
I got mine.
Which one's dumb?
Which one's dumber?
We're going to remind everybody about Clinton's impeachment.
Maybe when every House manager is retired, I'll stop - maybe.
From Volume 134
This mess you see on your television?
This is what happens when you elect Republicans.
They call this mess "What Clinton did to America."
Clinton wanted to hide this.
He did everything he could to hide it.
The Republicans fanned this little spark into a forest fire,
and now they want to claim it's Bill Clinton's fault?
This is the Republican vision of America's future.
"It's about the rule of law," they claim.
They know America wants this stopped, right now, but like an animal
they're going to have to have their orgasm before somebody stops and says
"Oh, my God. What have we done?"
This started out as a stupid circus.
Then it became the Jerry Springer show, but now it's worse.
Now it's a fucking Tarantino movie, and it's not over.
Have you ever seen a Tarantino movie?
How long before the first bullet is fired?
You liberals need to re-examine your views on gun control.
I, BartCop, am prepared to defend BartCop Manor.
When the GOFP starts reversing election results,
you don't want to be the only son of a bitch without a gun.
Remember, they have TWO advantages over us:
They own 90 percent of all the guns and they've been told
they'll sit at Allah's side if they kill Bill Clinton.
The biggest fact that NOBODY has pointed out?
There was never any reason to investigate Clinton.
Other than the fact that he kicked Republican ass in two elections,
there was never any reason to investigate him.
It's not like Clinton was pulled over for drunk driving,
and they searched the car and found Monica in the trunk.
No, that's NOT what happened.
Clinton was elected by American voters to lead us, TWICE
and since the GOFP claimed his health care plan was "designed to destroy America,"
spineless weenies elected these Fascists to keep Clinton in line.
Once the fascists took control, they sought to destroy Clinton.
We can't forget what Republicans do when they have power.
Jesus Twin Breaks Solemn Vow
Update - See Below
The End of BartCop?
Subject: Is this the end of BartCop?
What are you going to do now that Rush is clearly
headed for the hospital?
The stroke has eaten most of what little brain he had left. His solution to the
home heating oil cost increases is to simply declare war on the OPEC nations.
So ... where do yo go from here?
You may have noticed, months ago,
I started shifting the emphasis from RL-LNW to bartcop.com
Having observed severe strokes in others, the signs were clear and obvious.
Long after Rush has screamed his last personal slur at Chelsea, I will still be
doing my daily news and commentary, my Hollywood Watch and VCR Alerts.
It has taken a lot of wind out of my sails knowing, if I ever get a chance to confront
El sucio, feo cerdo, it would be a hollow victory over an aging, grunting, Nazi pig.
No, my friend do not fear for me.
Fear for my good friends at gwbush.com and bushwatch.com
It's possible by the end of March, they will need new dot.coms, as Smirk the Dork
receeds into history as a cotton-candy joke of a former, never-was trivia question.
Subject: Republican Sexual AIDS
Rush was dropped off the dial in Philadelphia,
but he's been picked up by a local
right-wing station. Its a Dr. Laura-Rush-Liddy nazi fest called "The Big Talker"
which is appropriate for the King of Pork.
I've noticed a bit of a trend. There are
a LOT of ads for masculine "assistance" aids,
such as Viagra, Magnum, and other stimulant-in-a-pill type of products.
What does this say about the average right-wing,
guy who listens to Rush? I also listen to the local Sports-Talk
station and I have YET to hear an advertisement for any of these aids.
Maybe we can see the real reason why Republicans
hate Bill Clinton so darn much:
Our boy can get it up!
Dread, ...it's twue, ...it's twue!.
(Homage to the late, great Madelline Kahn)
Democratic men are lusty, zesty types, ready for sex with their women.
Republicans just want to fuck immigrants, blacks, gays and the poor.
Jesus Twin Breaks Solemn Vow
Steve Largent, (R-Better than You) has told the
First District of Oklahoma
that he has come to love the feeling of power and said he decided to
"change my mind" about serving three terms then quitting, as he promised.
"I love the feeling of power," the handsome, former
NFL star said.
"I think I can do more good for the people by staying. Mr.Delay told me
he'd make me a big man in the House if I stayed," said Largent.
In 1994, Largent rode the Gingrich wave into Washington
Uncle OJ Watts and Tom Coburn, all promising to fulfill the founding father's
intentions of a "citizen congress" and serve three terms and step down.
Tom Coburn, fellow Jesus Twin to Largent, kept
his word, but Largent and
Uncle OJ have each said, "Fuck my solemn vow, I love the feeling of power."
When asked how breaking the vow would square with
his deep, Christian beliefs,
Largent said, "With Gingrich and Sonny Bono gone, I'm the top fund-raiser
now in the House of Representatives. I'm sure Christ would understand."
How Can Watts and Largent be "Christians" if their word is no good?
2PM Same day update
Largent tells KRMG Nazi radio
"I'm not going to close any doors, but I ANTICIPATE this will be my final term."
They talk about "Clintonian doublespeak weaselwords?"
Largent the Liar has already broken a straight-out pledge to serve only
and now he's using weaselwords like "anticipate" to equivocate?
Jesus Christ, Steve!
Does it all depend on the meaning of the word, "is?"
Clinton catches hell for trying to hide a blow job,
and these "super-Christians" lie their asses off everyday!
...I need a drink.
Did you see ER last night?
They were having some kind of party and were trying to cut the cake.
Duh 1: Has anybody seen the knife?
Duh 2: Which knife?
Duh 1: The really BIG one.
Duh 2: I can't find it - it's missing.
My ears perked up.
The BIG knife is missing?
Haven't you people ever seen a Scream movie?
Lucy found the knife...
> Take away Eleanor Cliff and James Carville, and I can't name
> national figure who will speak for the best president we've ever had.
What about Lanny Davis and Geraldo?
I think those two are GREAT and all the more because
the Clinton-haters hate them more than they hate Clinton.
(Geraldo needs to lose the facial hair,
I think of Dr Whora every time I see him now.
For some reason.)
You are correct. I wrote that hastily.
I should post a thing saying it's not officially on the record untill it gets to "Back Issues."
Sometimes "The Latest" is more of a work in progress than a position paper.
But you were right.
Lanny was was always there for Clinton
and Horendo has always had facial hair.
Stooge or Dupe?
I'm sitting her watching Bill Bradley and Chris the Catholic-hardball
talk about what an evil, perverted and disgusting man Al Gore is.
I'm not happy with this horseshit.
You know I don't like Nazis, but I like traitors even less.
Tommorow night I expect to see him on Hannity and Colmes,
then O'Reilly, then Fox News starring Eva Von Zahn.
He's going from one whites-only, anti-Clinton, hate channel to the next,
griping about the best team his party has ever had in the White House.
Bradley's motives are not good.
Bradley is either Al Gore's stooge or he's the Smirk's dupe.
Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's a stooge.
Watching Bradley complain to the hate shows about Clinton/Gore
is like Montgomery traveling to Berlin to complain about Patton.
The Return of Fatty Feedbag
The Methane Factory screams at Hillary for not having "Hillary CLINTON" on her signs.
Some people don't need two names to identify themselves.
You, for instance.
Say the name, "Rush" and people throw up before they hear "Limba."
Wait a minute,
wait a minute,
wait a minute...
Koresh as my witness,
mere seconds after saying she was running from the Clinton name,
mere seconds later, the stupid Pigboy makes an incredible accusation.
Now he's accusing her of not being able to make it without herhusband's
not being able to make it without her husband's friends,
not being able to make it without her husband's fund raising prowess.
not being able to make it without her husband's organizational skills.
You stupid, stupid, stupid illogical, beat-on-a-woman bully.
You don't have a goddamn clue what you're trying to say, so you just
whatever stupid, illogical stream of insults that pop into your Size Two pinhead
on-loan-from-Mallard Fillmore syphillis-racked brain,
and hope the stupidest of the ditto-monkeys buy it.
Can't you stick with a slur for more than 10 seconds?
Pigboy, you're a stupid, cowardly mother-effer, you know that?
Subject: Our new direction?
I agree with you on the traitors that Bill Clinton
They are the ultimate in disloyalty. I don't often wish bad things on
people, but maby a broken leg here and there.
Even though McCain is way better than Butch, he
is still a REPUBLICAN.
He will appoint the wrong supreme court judges, which could overturn
Roe vs Wade, gay rights, affirmative action.
He keeps saying he wants the country to head in
a NEW direction?
What direction is that?
That's the biggest reason Gore can't possibly lose,
and that's why Bradley is a nut for running against his own party's success.
Things couldn't BE any better.
I won't bore you with the long list, but, Koresh!
Even the weather is better under Bill Clinton.
Everything is better under Clinton.
The other night Carville asked, "Are you better off now than eight years
No Republican would DARE ask that question this year.
..and they want to take us in some NEW direction?
Pigboy - Foiled Again
The stinking Pigboy spent the third hour Thursday screaming,
"Gore can't win!
I guarantee it!
Gore can't win!"
First of all, Your Oinkness, would you care to wager on that?
You and me - Loser goes dark for a year - deal?
Second, three seconds after he whaled, "Gore can't win," he got a caller
"Rush, that's not true. The new Zogby poll shows Gore beating Smirk."
How did Rush handle this insurrection?
"We'll see, ...but we're out of time.
More on this tomorrow!"
Pigboy the fraud.
His guarantee lasted almost 20 seconds...
Al Gore on Leno Tonight
on A&E, Investigative Reports shows 30-50,000 polygamysts in Utah.
B'Orrin Hatch is called an "insane liar" for claiming, "I had no idea."
New Zogby Poll
Latest Zogby poll shows Gov. Smirk falling behind John Rocker.
Poll Taken Feb 9-10, 2000 in Carolina
John McCain 39 percent
John Rocker 30 percent
Gov Smirk 29 percent
Keyester .8 percent
14-YEAR OLD TRAUMATIZED BY SMIRK OPS!
GOP frontrunners appeared to be on the brink of
a civil war on Thursday after
the Bush campaign was accused of traumatizing a 14 year old boy with a push poll.
During a town hall meeting in Spartanburg, South
Carolina this morning, Donna Duren
told John McCain her 14-year old son received a phone call last night from Smirk ops.
Duren told the crowd her son admires McCain but
he was crying and devastated
after being told by a Smirk pollster that McCain was "a cheat, a liar and a fraud."
"I was so mad last night I didn't sleep," Duren
said. "My son asked me if this means
he can no longer believe all that he knew about the senator." The woman said her son
idolizes McCain and recently read his book, Faith of My Fathers.
Duren said her son was told that there are several
things Carolina voters
should know about McCain before next week's primary.
"I am calling on that piddly-ass punk to stop
this, stop this right now!"
McCain angrily told reporters after the event.
"He knows better than this.
Winning is not worth devastating a 14 year old.
He should stop it!"
Bush answered McCain's charge about push polling.
Smirk whined, "It's typical complaining about
the process. This is the complaint from a man
who is running an ad that's suggesting I'm Bill Clinton or like Bill Clinton."
Later, Bush told a reporter he'd fire anyone who
push-polled a 14 year old:
"I agree, this is out of bounds," admitted Smirk.
One thing's for sure - Governor Smirk is no Bill Clinton.
Lead Singer for FOGHAT Reported Dead
I admit, I never knew Dave Peverett's name, but if you don't like
"Slow Ride" or "I Just Want to Make Love to You,"
you're not much of a rock fan.
The Dirty Pigboy is spending Thursday tearing down McCain.
Doesn't it make you wonder why?
Remember the fact that there's been a "Butch"
or a "Dole"
on every single GOP ticket since 1976, but they've only won ONCE
with a Dole or Butch at the top of that ticket.
So, here it is the year 2000, once again the shit-for-brains GOP is
to force another losing Butch/Dole ticket down your throats,
juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust like they've done the last SEVEN national elections,
but the people are screaming a resounding "NO" to that strategy.
The people are energized behind the war hero, John McCain.
John McCain - the Chief Engineer on the Straight-Talking
but Pigboy and the Republican elitist, fat cats say, "Fuck the voters!
We're forcing another losing Butch/Dole ticket down their throats."
The McCain juggernaut is drawing votes from independents and liberals,
so the GOP
hates him even more! "He's not Nazi enough to represent the GOP!"
You want to know another reason why they hate McCain so much?
He talked to the Log Cabin Republicans.
He talked to some gay people.
He talked to "them!"
He'll never represent the GOP, the party of bigotry.
McCain's too sane to be elected by this crowd.
The GOP - cliff divers for the 12th year in a row!
Ladies and gentleman, I've just been handed a bulletin!
After losing the 2000 campaign by 14 percent, the GOP
has announced they're running Elizabitch Dole in the year 2004!
That'll make NINE elections in a row with a Butch/Dole theme.
Who was it that said,
"The definition of insanity is doing the wrong goddamn thing,
again and again, and expecting different results each time."
I must admit, there's a chance Clinton is NOT a genius.
Maybe you idiot cavemen are just so goddamn, fucking stupid
that Clinton looks like a genius every time he does battle with you.
It's like the GOP thinks they're gonna win the lottery
without even bothering to buy a ticket.
Yeah, bring 'em on!
The GOP has announced they're running Jeb
Butch in 2008!!
That's sixteen years of liberal Democrats picking alllllll the federal judges.
Mrs. BartCop will never get her Jaguar.
You know what we need?
We need a new bartcop.com opening page.
I know there's a lot of web designers out there.
Why don't you design a new BartCop home page?
You could be the first Eiffel of the 21st Century!
We should have a whole new front page.
You could editorialize, too.
Combine this with that, lose the lame parts,
put this on top and move that there, etc.
I know that when you run thru bartcop.com
you see stuff that's good and stuff that's lame.
Here's your chance to make it perfect!
Send me some code!
With some luck, I could get 6-8 new opening pages and rotate them
Or, perhaps yours would be so cool,
I wouldn't want any others but yours.
Serdar Yegulalp did a great job with the RL-LNW logo,
Bluesgun did the flaming BartCop, which was cool,
but seeing the same thing can get old, no matter how good it is.
You fancy design-boys (and girls) could send me a new page
and your work would be seen by, ... by, ... by many people.
Or, we could keep the same opening page we have till
the GOP accepts blacks and gays, but that'll be forever.
Let me hear from you - take your time, send something in.
You can be anonymous or have your praises sung - your choice.
Why not be like OJ and take a stab at it?
When I meet with Clinton, I'll mention your name.
Maybe you could design his page next January...
This Just In...
The FBI has determined that the CNN server crashed due to
an innocent party who tried to upload a list of all the lies the GOP
has told about Clinton over the past 7 years.
More as it comes in...
I just found an old February 2 newspaper in my desk where it says
former Clinton friend Mike McCurry is a CNN commentator.
He's supposed to be doing spots opposite Tony Blankley,
but that was eight days ago and I haven't seen him yet.
They asked McCurry what he thought of the State of the Union speech
and he said, "I managed to stay awake until the end."
But you know what pisses me off?
He's another Clinton back-stabber like Dee Dee Meyers and
Georgie Steppinoffacliff, better known a Judas Maximus.
All three of those back-stabbers got their careers from Clinton,
yet they can't think of a decent thing to say about him?
Let me remind you traitorous, money-grubbing whores about something:
If Clinton had confided in you during the Great Clinton Cock Hunt,
you'd either be in prison for perjury or you'd be labeled worldwide as
a traitor who brought down the president by testifying against him.
Then your ungrateful ass would be Linda Tripp.
Yeah, instead of millionaire whore pundits,
you could be Linda fucking Tripp!
All of you.
So, why would CNN hire another Clinton hater?
Is the Washington media trying to tell us that Clinton is so hated
that they can't find a single Clinton ally to take the liberal point of view?
Bill Press, while no back-stabber, clearly doesn't like Clinton.
All during impeachment, he couldn't mention Clinton's name
without reminding everyone what a terrible, terrible man he was.
Mara Liason, Juan Williams, they both hate Clinton,
but, of course, they're Fox News paid-for whores,
so there's no telling what they really think.
Alan Colmes has no hate, but he has no brain, either.
Al Hunt from Capital Gang doesn't like Clinton,
but Margaret Carlson gives Clinton a break now and then.
Take away Eleanor Cliff and James Carville, and I can't name another
national figure who will speak for the best president we've ever had.
If there's a legitimate reason for liberals to hate Clinton,
why doesn't somebody stand up like a fucking man and tell us?
Jesse Threatens to Bolt Reform Party
Jesse may be getting out.
Strange as it is to say, the boa-wearing former wrestler has given
respectability to the Reform Party because he actually won an election.
I hate to agree with the Incredible Pigboy on anything, but he's right
when he says the Reform Party is a joke for losers and rejects.
The Reform Party is to politics what country music is for show business.
If you ever played Cousin Goober or a Duke of Hazzard on TV,
you can make it in Branson, Missouri. If your name recognition is above
35 percent, you can be a force in the Reform Party of Rejects.
Now, Rick Flair (is that his name?) is going to be Carolina's governor?
You've got Trump, Beatty, Buchanan, Perot, the Professor and Mary Anne,
and out of allllllll that crowd, only one winner and they won't even listen to him.
Oh well, it'll help Gore get elected, so what the hell...
I love the way Rush and other republicans are
slamming McCain on campaign
finance reform. And how they call what he is doing hypocrisy. If he is for reform,
why is he still playing by the same rules everyone else is?
It's pretty simple (which is still above their
heads), but lets say that a coach
comes up with the idea that the game of football would be better if only 8 players
were allowed on the field, instead of 11.
Now, lets say everyone calls the coach a hypocrite
because he continues to play
the game with 11 players (instead of 8). After all, if it would make the game better,
why isn't he already doing it?
The answer is simple, he would get his ass kicked - that's why.
McCain knows that the way the rules currently
are, he wouldn't
stand a chance if he were the only one playing by his proposed rules.
(don't use my name or e-mail please if you use
any of this)
You, Sir, are completely correct.
They've screamed at Clinton for the exact same thing.
Unilateral disarmament is rarely a good idea,
that's why more liberals should own guns.
Well, we've lost that Gary Bauer woman and Goofy Steve Forbes,
two good, juicy sources of comedy in a drying-up political season.
Poor Bauer is now most famous for falling off the stage chasing a flying
Did you notice the second Bauer bailed out, his people alllllll ran over to
Smirk-the-baby-killer's camp? I guess that fervent anti-abortion rhetoric
was a clumsy ploy to attack votes instead of a firmly-held religious belief.
I'll bet those donkeys spell phony with an "f."
And what can we say about Goofy Steve Forbes?
Wanna bet he's back in it in 2004?
I saw one report that he spent so much trying to win this nomination
that he's no longer the majority shareholder in Forbes Magazine.
Steve, you're too goddamn stupid to be president.
You're going to need a plastic surgery goof-ectomy to win people's confidence.
Those people you were paying to tell you you could win?
They were lying, Steve.
These are the same people that were going to help you run the country
after you took the oath? Good thing you failed, Goofyboy.
So, what about Alan Keyes?
Doesn't he have a job to go back to?
They call him, "Mr. Ambassador."
Can't he go to some country and stay there?
This debate coming up Tuesday would be a lot more bloody
if Keyes wasn't there to stop McCain from tearing Smirk a new one.
Remember, and you heard the Eargasm right here on bartcop.com:
The Smirk camp has promised McCain a TV spanking.
I'll tell you what, and this is a promise.
Let's say Smirk says something that's not true about McCain
and McCain tells Smirk to take it back or take an ass-whoopin'.
If McCain loses his temper in this or any primary debate and takes a
towards Smirk like he's gonna kick his ass right there on live TV,
I'm gonna vote for the son-of-a-bitch.
I want my president to have a temper.
But I don't think that will happen with three people on the stage,
which is really stupid because Keyes got what, half a percent in Delaware
and one percent in New Hampster?
But the GOP wants Keyes to stay in to "prove" there's no racism left
in the party of Barr, Burton, Lott, Pigboy, Buchanan and Duke.
From Last Night's Crossfire:
Bill Press: Senator, Internet hackers have
disrupted some of the most popular sites
on the Internet, costing businesses billions of dollars.
Is the Senate -- do you have any plans for legislation?
Any plans for hearings in this area?
Any need for Senate action?
LOTT: I think there is a need to look into
the possibility of having legislation.
Trent Lott, (R-Racist) always a decisive force in the GOP.
Wall Street analyst Abby Jo Cohen says the presidential
candidate's plans for the
budget surplus is the only wild card in determining the success of stock markets this year.
Cohen, a Goldman Sachs analyst who has acheived
for her predictions said the budget surplus should be used for
"social obligations and to pay down the national debt," she said.
"Candidates should not offer larger tax cuts until actual surplus figures are available."
This is more proof that if Smirk gets in,
we'll elect our first Lady president in 2004.
"I wish I didn't know his mother's name was Sophia."
So what did we learn from last night's West Wing?
That a Catholic can't even get it right if God personally
sends him a Quaker, a rabbi and a priest with instructions?
Pray tell, what is a "BartCop / Republican"?
As far as I am concerned,
Novak & Blankly are two pieces of shit.
Leo C Carr, Jr.
I'm sure there's a more descriptive name for them,
but Novak, Blankly, Kristol and some others are Republicans
who now and then actually lapse into the God's honest truth.
There are so many foaming-mouth ditto-monkeys who cannot possibly
tell the truth on their very best day. Pigboy is the best example.
Just a few days ago, he refused to admit that Clinton had any brains at all.
He said, sure, he had some political skills, but he wasn't very smart.
One of the Eargasms I posted was Novak saying, "The Chinese Missle Scandal
and the Cocks Report was an overblown attempt to embarrass Clinton."
When a Republican shows signs that he's capable of telling the truth,
he should be recognized and encouraged to do it again.
What if the tallest men in the NBA
got together and formed a party
who's primary function was to rationalize
to the average American voter
just how unfair it was that the tallest people in basketball
never got to have the same opportunities as the shortest people?
And when Rush became a multi-multi-millionaire selling that point of
how many of us would be really surprised?
I see it every fucking day.
A Link Every Voter Should See Before November
VCR Alert Again
David Duke is scheduled for Politically
"If Whites become outnumbered in America, as will certainly happen
if nothing is done, the Republican Party is doomed," said GOP Spokesman Duke
"My agenda is in line with the people of
the state of Louisiana,
and the majority of Republicans in America," says Duke.
Don't miss it.
'West Wing': Hail to Chief
by Eric Mink
THE WEST WING, Tonight at 9, NBC.
More than halfway through the television season, the torch has been passed
to a most unlikely member of the new generation of TV series.
"The West Wing," the freshman series created for NBC by writer
is the best written, best performed, best produced and most compelling drama on the air.
If you had told me a year ago, in the wake of the national nightmare of the Clinton
impeachment, that a realistic drama about a contemporary White House staff would
even get on the air, I'd have begged you to get a psychiatric consult.
That "The West Wing," airing Wednesdays at 9 p.m., has turned
out to be TV's
finest current dramatic series is nothing short of astonishing. The achievement is all
the more remarkable given that we are living in The Year of the Drama.
But the competition, substantial as it is, is just not measuring up:
"The West Wing," has established with extraordinary efficiency
the personalities of its
sprawling, fictional White House staff. Viewers still may not be sure exactly who is
responsible to exactly whom for exactly what, but the characters are sharply
drawn, wonderfully complicated and irresistibly likable.
It builds stories around real issues — social, military, economic, political — yet somehow
finds and exploits the human dimensions of them to give viewers a vested
interest in how plots proceed and how problems are resolved.
Stylistically, director Thomas Schlamme has created a fast-moving
visual rhythm and a
sense of place that conveys two key messages: Doing the people's business is a
36-hour-a-day job in a 24-hour-a-day world, and what's done here, ultimately, is important.
The show also has managed to forge a clear collective identity
for this bunch.
From President Josiah Bartlet (Martin Sheen) to the most junior assistant deputy
aide, these people are all fearsomely intelligent, obsessive, driven, loyal,
unapologetically human and startlingly honorable.
Sorkin's White House, in other words, is the White House of our
dreams — a place
where decent and supremely capable people struggle in good conscience to strike a
balance between principle and political pragmatism, to narrow as much as humanly
possible the gap between what's right and what works.
Tonight's episode, "Take This Sabbath Day," confronts the staff
with a literally
life-or-death dilemma compressed into one intense weekend: A convicted man,
his appeals exhausted, faces imminent execution in a federal drug case.
It's a rare instance in which the President — not a state governor — has the
final word on whether the prisoner lives or dies.
It comes as no surprise that the episode — written by Sorkin,
Schlamme — rejects glib, simplistic notions of capital punishment. It explores many
conflicting views, treats them all respectfully and doesn't telegraph its ending.
Rather than pretending people aren't religious, the show celebrates
the fact that
they are and uses it to sharpen and deepen its storytelling.
A rich mix of smart humor and grave seriousness, the episode also includes guest
appearances by Marlee Matlin (her arrival at the Oval Office should bring a
lump to your throat), David Proval ("The Sopranos") and Karl Malden
(as a Catholic priest; shades of "On the Waterfront").
I love these characters — love them — and I love sharing their emotional ordeals each week.
Right now, "The West Wing" is the best there is.
He's a Genius
Check out what the Genius is doing here.
To put the big "F" on Smirk's risky tax-cut scheme, Clinton drew a chart
showing that in 2013, the United States will be completely debt-free.
Remember when Von Reagan's stupidity had us facing the next 50 years
of an ever-increasing spiral of never-ending debt? I do..
(See the left half of the chart)
Under Clinton, we get to see the date where we'll be debt-free.
(right half of the chart)
Some smirking, bonehead son-of-a-Butch promises a risky tax-cut scheme.
For Smirk to push this through, (I know he'll never be president, this
Clinton playing defense. Clinton is the master) he would have to explain
how many months/years he was going to delay making us debt-free
so he & his straight, white, rich friends could have their precious tax cut.
Clinton will have paid off America's $5,000,000,000,000 debt in LESS
than the average married couple can pay off their little home mortgage.
Bill, I can't wait to shake your hand.
Thanks to Chad Larson for the idea.
Great Show Biz Quotes
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry.
I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-- Mariah Carey
Mariah - Cute, talented, but Smirk for brains...
...and, are you sure she didn't say that?
You'd swear on the lives of your kids she never said that?
Or anything close enough to that to be misquoted?
New Poll Results
John Zogby, annointed by Jabba the Rush
as the most accurate pollster,
has just released a poll showing Gore beating Bradley, Butch beating McCain,
and Gore beating Butch in the general election in November.
More good news, the Dems beat the Republican'ts in the congressional race.
One other thing:
The judge who ruled in the Klan's favor on the
Judge Stephen Limbaugh.
"Senior U.S. District Judge Stephen N. Limbaugh
ruled that the group has a
constitutional right to pick up litter on Missouri highways and to have signs
bearing its name. The state has appealed that ruling."
The Limba family - always on the side of the dirty Nazis.
Jeb Smirk caused a ruckus when he offered $500 of his own money
for any "darkie" who'd be willing to pose with his brother, Gov Smirk.
There were no takers, so Jeb raised his offer to $1,000
When the bidding got to $2,000, two poor black kids finally caved in.
"Our mother doesn't have enough money to feed our younger brothers and sisters,
so we'd pose with the Devil, himself, to help her," said Ray Harks, left.
"For another $2,000," said his brother Allan, right,
" we'll say he's a decent man."
I see that the Klu Klux Klan has adopted a highway
This isn't by any chance Main Street in Cape Girardeau is it?
No, but the GOP/KKK did get a surprise when the state named
their stretch of highway the "Rosa Parks Highway" to spite them.
McCain just heard about the Smirk campaign's promise to "spank him on television."
Gov. Smirk spent most of Tuesday fingering his wattle like a brainless
wondering what McCain meant about "not using any vaseline" in Carolina.
West Wing tonight.
USA Today's Robert Bianco, who I trust, says,
"It's rare to hear religious precepts debated in a prime-time series.
It's even rarer still for the debate to be as fair and dramatically valid
as it is on tonight's deeply spritual episode of West Wing.
Tightly paced, tonight's episode is smart without being dry.
Among it's other strengths, the show makes it clear that President Bartlett
is more than a glorified scoutmaster. He's the president, and quite capable
of protecting his perogatives. I don't know if we'd want him in the White House,
but it's great to have him on TV."
Guest starring Academy Award winners Karl Malden and Marlee Matlin,
and The Sopranos David Proval.
Also, the VCR Alert of all VCR Alerts this weekend.
A new, gruesome Law & Order, starring Angie Harmon,
(Update - it was a con-job, misleading promo-farce of a trick.
Shame on the usually-honest Law & Order and Dick Wolf.)
Who Really Killed Superman? (George Reeves) on A&E
New Voyager episode on Dr. Laura's Paramount.
By the way, that All-White football league I mentioned that Trent
Lott was pushing?
It's Paramount/Doc Laura's XFL starring the Einsteins of Wrestling.
Doc Laura is going to be the "Sable" for the show, traipsing around with nothing
but imprints of Dennis Rodman's hands on her breasts and a G-string.
Poll: McCain in Dead-Heat With Smirk in Michigan
DETROIT (Reuters) - John McCain is in a statistical dead heat
with Gov. Smirk
among likely Michigan voters, according to a poll released Wednesday.
You Know Who's Crazy?
Well, besides Gov Smirk, The Texecutioner....
Robbie Knievel is planning another jump.
I don't have all the facts yet, but the leg he broke jumping the corner
of the Grand Canyon is almost healed, so he's ready to go again.
Have you heard what his next jump is?
He's going to jump a goddamn approaching freight train!!
Swear to Koresh.
You gotta watch what you say around Robbie Knievel.
That's guy's nuts, and he'll do anything.
I've got an odd kind of respect for Robbie.
He's braver than Susan McDougal.
I'll keep you up-to-date as I hear more details,
or if YOU know something get it to me right away.
An approaching freight train?
You know he's not kidding.
It is really fun listening to the incredible bulk
defend his candidate the Cokehead when his callers are backing McCain.
One dittohead called in today putting Governor Smirk down
and Pigboy hung up on him.
Damn, I missed that call.
You know, if they weren't such hateful, Nazi scum,
we could almost feel sorry for them.
They have two severely-flawed candidates who want to destroy each other
and neither of them has a chance to win. They're each trying to see how far right
they can get, and every step takes them farther from a general election win.
Yesterday, Pigboy turned on Smirk, so what's he going to do for the next ten months?
One thing to keep in mind:
We know the bad news about Gore and Hillary.
McCain and Smirk are about to be plucked.
One last thought:
When Gore wins, Pigboy and the right-wing haters will say their team lost
because their candidate wasn't far-enough out on the extreme right-wing,
setting up an easy win for Hillary in 2000.
Are there banners in bartcop.com's future?
Facts are Facts
Let's make a short list.
I think it will be enlightening.
1. OJ Simpson killed his wife and Ron Goldman, that's two dead.
2. Eric and Lyle Menendez murdered their parents, that's 4.
3. John Wayne Gacy murdered 28 kids in Chicago, that's 32 so far.
4. Charles Manson had seven people killed in LA, that makes 39.
5. The Son of Sam killed seven in New York, that makes 46.
6. Jeffery Dahmer killed and ate 17 young men In Milwaukee, that makes 63.
7. Ted Bundy killed 17 young women, that makes 80.
8. Henry Lee Lucas, was convicted of only two deaths, making 82.
9. Andrew Cunanan killed five people, that makes 87.
10. Jack the Ripper was a suspect in 18 London murders, that makes 105
11. Oswald killed two, Ruby one, Sirhan one and James Earl Ray, one, making 110.
The Bad News?
Governor Smirk has murdered more people than everyone on that list combined.
But The News isn't All Bad
Stalin and Hitler each murdered more people than Governor Smirk.
Governor Smirk - The Texecutioner!
Eight Wives with James Carville,
Jeffery Toobin, Ralph Reed, Bill Kristol, Tucker Carlson and a bad Bradley spokesman
First off, if you saw this hour, you know that there's no way Mrs. BartCop
going to get her Jaguar this year. Carville laid out a rough sketch of what's coming
and there's no way anybody is going to derail the Gore Express.
...and certainly not Bill Bradley.
His spokesman was the most inept talk show guest I've ever seen.
He kept hammering home a point nobody can understand, which is,
"Why isn't the Clinton-Gore team better to blacks?"
Carville laughed and said Clinton-Gore did more for minorities than
administration in history, but that Bradley guy kept hammering his non-point.
On the Repub side, it was an exact repeat of Butch 92 and Dole 96.
Constant bickering over tax cuts and "I'm more Nazi than you are."
Because of the heavy cost involved, we can't do a lot of instant Eargasms,
but here's one you gotta hear. Remember that Tucker Carlson guy?
He's the guy who reported Smirk mocking Carla Faye Tucker prior to
her state-sponsored murder last year by saying, " Pleeeease don't kill me. "
Carlson had THIS TO SAY about the mood in the Smirk camp.
I had to let you hear it, because you'd never believe it unless you
heard it yourself.
Smirk's camp is PROMISING to SPANK McCain ON THE AIR!
..and the debate that decides who spanks who is next Tuesday!!
February is sweeps month, indeed.
Well, after 20 days of the flu, pnuemonia, then more flu, I finally
have recovered enough
strength to celebrate with a nice meal and some agave squeezins. Mrs. BartCop doesn't
know it yet, but I'm taking her to this new place I found in Knuckledrag called "On the Border."
Yeah, it's a Mexican food chain, but the food is pretty good.
Trust me, it's no Bamboleo, and it's no Ninfa's, but it'll do just fine.
You know what else they have?
Yep, after 20 days of torture, Ol' BartCop's looking to stimulate Mexico's economy!
At this restaurant, not only do they have a variety of fine, luxury
including El Grande Chinaco Anejo Supremo, but they have pictures of the
different tequila bottles on the menu for the illitterate Connie Sewers of luxury tequilas.
Koresh, it's been so long - Thanksgiving to be exact, since I had fine
chased by a fine, luxury tequila such as my Chinaco.
Will I get roaring drunk?
No, I'll have to drive home in time to see James Carville on 8-Wives.
But it's going to be really nice.
I might even run into Tipper Gore.
She's into Knuckledrag today, for some damn reason.
I Have an Idea
This is a really good idea that could save businesses millions
If you're in charge of a security-conscious building, like a bank, pawn shop,
check-cashing store, liquor store, savings & loan, credit union etc,
instead of spending a lot of money on guards, security cameras and vaults,
why not just post the Ten Commandments on the wall?
The Republicans say this will solve allllllll your problems.
Subject: Has Pigboy Turned on Smirk?
Of course Pigboy has turned on Smirk. If
Smirk or McCain or any other
Republican gets elected President, then the Pig-meister and his golden EIB
suppository will have to crawl back into the slime pit from wince he came.
However, if Gore wins then we will have
to put up with the Great Pile of
Elephant Dung for at least 4 more years.
His other hope is that Hillary gets elected.
He will absolutely have his
first orgasm if both Hillary and Gore get elected.
Every word you wrote was the Koreshdamn truth.
People forget - Pigboy isn't interested in politics.
He's interested in another hundred million dollars,
and he can't make that if Smirk wins
Besides, Marta's leaving him.
He needs more money.
He wants Gore and Hillary to win more than we do.
He going to get his wish.
The always entertaining James Carville is scheduled to be on Larry (8-wives)
along with BartCop Republican/former Quayle Chief-of-Staffe Bill Kristol.
(Bob Novak and Tony Blankly are also considered BartCop Republicans)
Carville is just one of many people who will not return my e-mails.
Molly Ivins is another one who will not return my e-mails.
But, on Crossfire, is Steven Brill, who has exchanged e-mails
I was so impressed, I subscribed to his magazine, Brill's Content,
which he just handed over to his VPs so he can devote his full attention
to his new Internet venture, which I assume we'll hear about tonight.
Other TV stuff...
Did you see Charles Grodin on Letterman last night?
He and Julia Roberts were watching a Dave/Julia interview and
making cracks like on Mystery Science Theater. I thought it was funny.
Grodin kept accusing Dave of sandbagging on "his illness."
I think Regis is MST-ing tonight.
The mega-morons who run the local hate outlet for Rush, KRMG radio,
are so stupid, they're re-running his first hour in the second hour.
Or did Pigboy need another emergency hampsterectomy and have to leave?
In the first hour, Rush said it was a FACT that Hillary was having "no
fun" in her campaign.
FACTS like that can only come from Pigboy, the make-it-up sow.
Gee, Rush, do you think she's afraid of facing ?
Has Pigboy Turned on Smirk?
In the first hour Tuesday, Rush ran a parody of
"Just how goddamn stupid is Smirk?"
It went like this:
Daddy Butch: Now, Dubya, repeat after me - "My enemy's enemy is my friend."
Smirk: My friends ...are my enemies.
Daddy Butch: No, my enemy's enemy is my friend.
Smirk: Friends ...don't let their enemies drive drunk."
Daddy Butch: No, try it again.
Smirk: My friend's enemy ...is my friend.
Daddy Butch: Fuck it, I give up.
You're to goddamn stupid to be president.
That really happened.
But if Pigboy wants us to know how stupid Smirk is,
and he says we can't trust McCain,
who will he order his sheep to support?
Bill (still smoking) Bennett got one right:
"Carolina - Tear down that flag!"
Kansas City football great Derrick Thomas died today.
Have you visited rackjite.com lately?
When we last heard from him, he was searching for a home base,
and it looks like the good folks at AMPOL fixed him up.
Lots of good stuff at the new Rackjite.com including the
uncensored Doc Harpy magnífica la barranca picture.
Of course, he had the good taste to back off a little, so you don't
like you're going to fall the hell in. (every man's nightmare)
Two favorites of mine are his Attack
of the Rat people,
and some required reading - Liberal Media Bias My Ass.
...and I really like his links.
Some sites give you 700 broken links to every page that ever once existed,
but Rack recommends bartcop.com, AMPOL, Voltai29, The Onion and,
the only religion you'll ever really need, Landover Baptist Church
with a link to the nobody-can-be-this-funny Betty Bowers.
A shot of Chinaco to Rackjite!
Does John McCain read bartcop.com?
"We can play as rough as anybody," said McCain.
"There is a little of the fighter pilot left in me."
McCain said he will meet Bush's campaign fire in Carolina and double it.
"We won't just respond, we will respond doubly," McCain said.
"There will be a price to pay and we will have a lot of fun while we're doing it."
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