Vol 172 - Hello, Betty Lou

 February 23, 2000

 Bush's missed opportunity

 http://www.salon.com/politics2000/feature/2000/02/22/bob_jones /index.html?CP=YAH&DN=110

 He won in South Carolina, but he could have won a lot more
 if he'd been willing to stand up to the bigots at Bob Jones University.

 By Robert A. George

 Feb. 22, 2000 | NEW YORK -- Despite his outrage at Sen. John McCain for
 comparing him to President Clinton, George W. Bush employed classic Clintonian
 tactics to lead himself to victory in South Carolina.

 But the big irony for the Texas governor, and this will haunt him down the road,
 is that he failed to adopt one of Clinton's key tactics from the 1992 campaign
 when the opportunity arose.

 In one particular area, Bush failed spectacularly in South Carolina.
 As GOP pollster Tony Fabrizio recently told the Wall Street Journal:
 "The person who comes up with [his own] version of 'Sister Souljah' ...
 will do a great deal for the Republican Party." Bush could have had his
 Sister Souljah  moment when he spoke at Bob Jones University,
 but he shamefully let it go.


Wait a minute....
This sounds a little familiar....
Let's go back to Volume 163

A Missed Opportunity
(They even stole my title)

The flap over the South Carolina Dixie flag could have been
ridden like a Sista Souljah right into the White House by a Republican.

McCain, the maverick, would've been the logical choice, but no.

If McCain had stood up and said, "South Carolina - Tear Down That Flag,"
Americans would suddenly see McCain as a non-racist Republican,
and Gore would lose about 30 percent of the undecided, middle-road,
normal twenty percent who swing the national election.

Instead of standing tall against racism,
instead of doing the right thing for his country,
instead of winning the GOP nomination and the White House,

...McCain chose to straddle the issue.



  Should I sue them?

Ask BartCop

From:  bo8613a@american.edu

Subject:  McCain dems

You said McCain is just "pulling a Reagan," appealing to everyone.
Reagan won 49 states running against Mondale's proposed tax  hikes.

brian olexy

Brian, my poor misguided friend.
Mondale was an idiot who trusted the voters with the truth.
Clinton learned from his mistakes  :)

I know you won't believe me, but would you believe Rush?

Click Here

(Only takes 60 seconds with a 56K modem.
 My "instant" eargasms are costing me a car payment per month.)

Mail Bag

From:  jessejesselb@yahoo.com

Subject: 2nd place in a field of one...

A quick question:

Is Shrub's Spanish as bad as his English?
I understand Yale has asked him to stop saying he went there...


Countin' Down Governor Smirk's "Hits"

Texas Executions Scheduled

2-23 Cornelius Goss #912
2-24 Betty Lou Beets #810

3-1 Odell Barnes, Jr.  #998
3-14 Ponchai Wilkerson #999011
3-15 Tmothy Gribble #929
3-22 Dennis Bagwell #999209

4-12 Orien Joiner #902
4-18 Victor Saldano #999203
4-26 Robert E. Carter #999091
4-27 Robert Neville #999293
4-27 Ricky McGinn #999150

5-3 Caruthers Alexander #704
5-9 William Kitchens #840

6-12 Thomas Mason #999035
6-27 Joe Guy #999123

7-19 Oliver Cruz #954

Who are these faceless people?
Let's meet a vicious killer!


Hi, my name is Betty Lou Beets from Gun Barrel City, Texas.
(Swear to Koresh)

I'm going to be murdered by Governor Smirk tonight.
If you're reading this Thursday on  bartcop.com, I'm probably already dead.

I was in prison for years because I killed my shit-bastard of a husband.
You see, he beat me almost every single day.
He thought it was funny that my name was, "Mrs Beets,"
but he wasn't laughing after I shot his abusive punk-ass three times.
All his smart mouth could say then was,  "....gurgle....gurgle..."

I was supposed to die Wednesday, but there was a scheduling conflict.
Governor Smirk is murdering Cornelius Goss tonight, and we only
have one Needle of Death in Texas.

My cell was next to Karla Fay Tucker's and two other women, Jean and Ann.
We used to play cards, the four of us.
It wasn't as much fun after Smirk fried Karla, and now that I'm gone,
Jean and Ann don't play cards as much anymore.

I just wanted you to know that I'm not angry with Gov. Smirk.
He's a man with a heart of gold and loads of compassion.
He enabled me to get an absentee ballot so I could vote for him from the grave.
He says there's a lot of that in Texas.

We need a man like Governor Smirk in the White House.
You see, he's a united, not a divider.

...unless you play cards, I mean.

Stop the Presses and go HERE

This is real stuff, not Clinton Cock Hunt bullshit.

Then buy that book by my good friend Joe Conason.

From: sabutai@ix.netcom.com

Subject:  Dubya's new Slogan

Dubya first claimed to be a "Compassionate Conservative."
The voters rejected that slogan.

Then he became a "Reformer with Results."
After laughing hysterically, the voters rejected that slogan, too.

Now, they're trying a new slogan:
"The Jerk with the Smirk"

Voters have so far approved this slogan by 74% to 26%.


 Further VCR Alert

 From:  jstone@sofnet.com

 Subject: Pissquick alert

 Heard Pissquick on C-SPAN cross examining Carol Browner, the EPA Secretary
 about the size of Clinton's cock this morning

 Geeze .... you're right ... noone will ever confuse him with Einstein ....
 John Stone

 Let's look for a repeat tonight!

 Did you know Rush took time from his McCain beating to criticize Gore today?

 I am not kidding.
 I heard it myself...

 Feedback on Dammit (see below)

 From:  roblee31@prodigy.net

 Subject:  Word for soulless greedy whore....

 You wanted to know what to call a soulless, greedy whore?

 How about Fire C_nt?
 I'd say that describes Dr. Laura rather picturesquely, wouldn't you?

 By the way, I'm a girl, so if I can say c_nt and not offend myself,
 nobody else should mind, right?


 ha ha
 This is the most fun I've ever had with  bartcop.com

 Laura Schlessinger, Fire C_nt?

 ha ha

 Great Flaming, Nazi Gasbag Quotes

"This was a fraudulent election.
 People that voted for McCain might as well be in the Chinese army.
 ALL the people who voted for McCain will vote for Gore.
 This was a fraudulent election"

ha ha

Pigboy never claimed the elections were fraudulent when Bill Clinton won,
but he accuses the Republican party of fixing a fraudulent election?

ha ha

I've never had this much fun with my pants on...

 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 This is too good to be true.
 George W. Bush, the man who began this race as invincible has now lost three
 out of the four primaries that John McCain has contested. The man who boasted
 of his ability to gain crossover voters is reduced to whining about non-Republicans
 hijacking the nomination. And the man who wanted to appear to be moderate is
 at the center of a campaign that has focused on divisive racial issues like interracial
 dating and the Confederate flag, divisive religious issues like whether the Pope is
 the antichrist and whether the Catholic church is a cult, and divisive social issues like
 banning abortions in the case of rape and incest.
 This is Bush's nightmare.

 (To get Begala's daily perspective, go to
  http://www.msnbc.com/chat/lists/equaltime.asp  and subscribe.)

ha ha



Sen. John McCain is privately fuming over radio whore Rush Limba's
repeated, non-stop unfair criticism of his candidacy.

"What did I ever do to this guy?" McCain told an aide Wednesday morning.
"He's just beating me up for running a fair campaign. I just don't understand it."

McCain, fresh from his double victories over Gov. Smirk, has become the
center of wild, unfounded charges on the Nasty Pigboy's broadcasts.

The talk show whore has been brutally poking fun at the senator's self-comparison to
Luke Skywalker from Star Wars.   Limba mimics McCain with juvenile impressions.

"The Limbaugh stuff is having an effect on the campaign trail," a McCain adviser said.
"He's been more effective mounting a defense than Governor Smirk.
 At least Limba has a brain," said the adviser.

McCain aides are deliberating whether to publicly fire back at the ugly Pigboy.


Darryl Strawberry has been suspended from baseball again!
It seems he has failed his latest drug test.

Why should this prevent him from playing baseball?

The Republicans are running a cocaine user for President, for Koresh's sake.
If the "party of law and order" can run a coke addict for president,
why can't Darryl do a few lines on the weekend?

The GOP always says we need less government.
Rightt now, Darryl needs less government.

You know,
I've heard a rumor that if you do too much cocaine,
your brain laspes into a stupor where you can't talk and then it explodes!

(That's be funny in about 8 minutes...)

ha ha

As I typed that VCR Alert, Pigboy was screaming laughter,
trying to get us to believe he's not having the worst day of this young year.

Keep lying, Your Oinkness.

"Your boy's getting rolled!"

VCR Alert

Here we go again:  Tonight we have,

Mark Russell, the once-kinda-funny piano player
doing his take on how stupid that idiot Smirk is.

That increasingly-bad Millionaire show,

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which I like but have never really seen
because there's just too much on sometimes so maybe I'll catch the reruns
is having a two-parter that TV Guide says is "killer."

The Grammy Awards, which used to be a joke for being so out-of-touch
because they always favored people like Leonard Bernstein and John Williams,
(Remember when they gave Jethro Tull "Metal album of the year?"
 Ian Anderson said, "I didn't know I had a metal band.")

Well, now they've gone the other way and everything is Britney Spears,
Backstreet Boys, Christine Aguilera and Boyz-to-Men vocal groups.
The only song I'd care to hear is a live version of "Smooth."

But my attention is going to crazyman Robbie Kneivel's Train Jump!


...and all this is only the first hour!

Later tonight is Star Trek Voyager which is worth singling out because
tonight Captain Janeway gets out her 6 foot vibrator out of mothballs.
I am not kidding.

Remember, a few weeks ago she got in the Holodeck and created a sex toy
to her exact specifications, then spent three days playing with it.
It was a discussion of masturbation that could only be called, "Frank."

Later still is a "special" episode of NYPD Blue, which is skippable.

You noticed I haven't mentioned West Wing or Angie Harmon's Law & Order...
Well, the Knuckledrag local NBC affiliate has decided we'd all rather watch
West Wing, the best show on free televison at 11:30 Sunday night!

(That last West Wing was great, wasn't it? The one where the press secretary
 had root canal and they made her say, "Foggy Bottom?"  It was also fun to see
 Rob Lowe made those Connecticut cops eat it, too)

Nutty Oklahoma programming bastards...

The best show on TV and they've pre-empted it twice in a row
for some damn basketball game - who cares about basketball?

Then, Dave is back tonight.
The showed played Monday was amazing.
Welcome back, to the "new" David Letterman.

...and that's why I own 5 VCRs.

A most excellent article by Gene Lyons, co-author of this book.

Most excellent article.

Click Here

Mail Bag

From:   MLabarre@MediaOne.com

Subject: BJU Response to SC Debate

 "In a televised debate Tuesday night among the three men who are candidates
 for the Republican Presidential nomination, Alan Keyes betrayed his friends
 at Bob Jones University with an outburst of sanctimonious hypocrisy.
 Like many of you, I feel hurt and angry that a man whose integrity I believed in
 has sold himself to the pressure of the media to use Bob Jones University as a
 whipping boy in the furtherance of his political ambition even as McCain has done."

 Please, someone please tell me that this spokesperson did not just use
 the words "Alan Keyes" and "whipping boy" in the same breath.
 Could this Smirk-for-Brains be ANY more transparent?

 And the mystery of the widening GOP race-gap continues...


 ha ha
 Good one, Mikey,

Special thanks to © Wizard_Of_Whimsy  for that fantastic Smirk cartoon below.

Proof the Democrats are Not Crazy

Click Here

Paul Begala

I tried to send some e-mail to Paul Begala at  begala@msnbc.com
but it comes back as "undeliverable."

It's the address they say to use on the "Equal Time" daily newsletter.
Anybody have any clues/suggestions?

Great GOP Quotes

"There is an axiom in state politics that you can't win a Republican nomination in
Michigan without being pro-life and without having the support of Michigan Right to Life,"
said Alex Gage, a pollster who specializes in Michigan contests.

I guess McCain kicked some axiom in Michigan

How is Smirk Feeling Today?

Governor, how does it feel to have your ass kicked?

Governor, do you have a statement for the press?


Governor, do you need more time?

Governor, can you hear me?

...should we call somebody?

Governor,  do you need a doctor?

Governor, unless you answer me right now,
we're going to have to call the doctor and...


Governor, can you hear me?
Wait...something's happening...

Look out!
Get back!!!


© Wizard_Of_Whimsy

Too Soon to Panic

Yes, the war hero won a couple of big ones last night, but I don't think it's
time to panic, although you may want to locate the panic button for March 7th.

Matter of fact, this may be the perfect scenario.
Right now, McCain doesn't have enough money to effectively compete with Smirk.
In the next three weeks, both will campaign in California, New York, Ohio and
several smaller states that don't count for much. He may not have much money,
but he's got "Big Mo," which has the potential to create money.

The beaten Smirk, on the other hand, is seeing his coronation starting to slip away,
so he's going to pour millions and millions into cheap-ass push-polling and negative
personal attacks since he knows McCain won't be able to answer a thousand ads
in a hundred cities.

Koresh, just campaigning in southern California and Intelligencia is a nightmare.
California and Intelligencia are geographically hueueueueueuge.
Commercials in Los Angeles cost $50,000 during the 11 O clock news.
Plus, California and Intelligencia represent 20 percent of the electoral votes.

So, it looks to me like McCain is hoping his Internet fund-raising will be enough
for him to hang on while Smirk beats his brains in with his negative attacks.

Something to watch for?

The Smirk people will attempt to hack into McCains web site and create a
story that if you contribute to McCain, criminals and theives will get your credit
card numbers and run you into bankruptcy, so you'd better not contribute!


Someone sent me an article where Laura the Harpie promised to knock off
the gay hate if Paramount hired her - and I can't find it.

This is a bullshit CYA thing on Paramount's part.
When she does it again, they want to be able to say, "Well, she promised she'd stop." .
Well, she started today's show with another hate rant against the gay folks.

Did you hear that show today?
Was that her opening monolog where you live?
Big, bad Laura is AFRAID to do her show live.
What you hear is taped excerpts from her recent shows.
They take out the calls where someone challenges the harping bitch.
That way, she can keep her kingdom tidy.
Pigboy has a lot of faults, and Koresh knows I've tried to list them all,
but at least the Pigboy goes out live and gets hammered sometimes
when a real caller actually fools the screener.

This time, the dirty coward hid behind the hate rhetoric of Jeff Jacoby.
(See Vol 61 and 65 for more on that prick.)
When someone points out that Doc Spread 'Em is gay-bashing again, she'll say,
"Oh, no, I was just quoting an article by Jeff Jacoby. I didn't say anything
bad about gays, HE did."

The greedy, Republican bastard in me can understand how a penniless, nobody-type
might sell their soul and get on the radio and attack blacks, gays and the poor to make
some money, but Laura and the Nasty Pigboy have hundreds of millions.

To continue the unnecessary assault on innocent people when you have a secure
future and more money than you could ever possibly spend strikes me as...

What's a word for being a soulless, greedy whore a thousand times over?

E-Mail BartCop

The second Dave story came in, below.

February 22, 2000


American comedians need all Michiganics to vote for Smirk.
The future of comedy depends on you.

We can have four long, cold sterile years with Gore,
or Smirk could win and we'd have the Golden Age of Comedy.

As you all know, McCain had several "wives" in Vietnam,
and he told his brutal prison guards everything, betraying his country.
He's also got 2 habaneros, according to BJU,
and his favorite band is Nine Inch Nails, so he can't be trusted..

Vote for the alcoholic coke freak, please!

Vote Smirk!

Kenneth Starr is Back

Click Here

Highly Recommended Short Piece

Click Here

First Poll Results In...

3:11 CST, I'm breaking the embargo,

Gore wins Michigan by 16 %

Other poll results:
McCain   42 percent
Smirk      38 percent
Rocker    16 percent
Keyes       0.4 percent

Fun Quotes

Raceboy Bradley: We need to re-investigate Democratic fund-raising in 1996.

President Gore: Bill, you're the only Democrat in America who misses Ken Starr.

ha ha

He might've read that on  bartcop.com
In the last year, I've been asked ten times why, if Clinton was innocent,
did he agree to pay Paula Jones $800,000?

The answer is,  So, you want another two years like the last two?

Go get 'em. Al.
Use anything you like from  bartcop.com
No charge,  Mr. President.

...just think of me when you pick your cabinet.

Touching Dave Story  Pt 1

Click Here

Touching Dave Story  Pt 2

Click Here

Playtime with Smirk
Between campaign stops, George W. Bush offers reporters a lesson on the laws of gravity.

By Anthony York

Feb. 22, 2000 | GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. -- It has been an unremarkable day on
the campaign trail. Reporters have tried their best Monday to ask Smirk a question
that will stick, but all they've been able to extract is that if Smirk gets elected,
Buddy's successor as White House pet will be a cat named Ernie.

All day, Bush has been his reanimated, post-South Carolina self, speaking at top volume,
with dramatic pauses inserted togive his stump speech the cadence of an amateur preacher's.
He has lumbered through Michigan, shaking hands at Bob's Big Boy and a local truck stop.
He has kissed babies and signed autographs.

But it's only now that I realize how little he likes all of it.

Bush is sitting in the front seat of an airplane. We're preparing for takeoff from
Grand Rapids for the short flight to Detroit. In each of his hands, he holds an orange.
On his face is the smile of a 5-year-old.

We've always known that Bush is a sports fan. He was head cheerleader in college;
he talks baseball on the stump. And long before he became governor of Texas,
he had an obvious taste for head-to-head competition. As he prepares to play
"Roll the oranges down the aisle," it's obvious that games give Bush more immediate
pleasure than anything  else in the world.

The goal of this particular game is simple.
Bush, riding shotgun, waits for takeoff. Once the plane is tilting at a 45-degree angle,
the governor tosses an orange down the aisle, trying to roll it all the way to the back.

Now, as for the rest of the day, Bush is the sole participant.
We are all spectators.

The orange smacks a reporter -- only four rows back from Bush -- in the leg.
The press corps lets out a collective moan, disappointed that Smirk has missed his target.
He hurls the other orange, and this one falls short of its goal too, instead
hitting a bag that's protruding slightly into the aisle.

"Whose bag is that?" Bush screams, like a kid accusing another kid
on the playground of cheating. "Move the bag!"

The oranges are rolled back to the front of the plane. Bush tries again, but the orange
caroms off a few seats and lands at my feet. Again, the reporters moan.

He tries again. This time an orange makes it halfway down the aisle, and there are
cheers of encouragement and anticipation.

Again, again, again.

Are we bonding, governor?

Finally, one of the oranges hits its mark -- the bathroom door at the back of the plane.
A playground cheer erupts from the crowd.

Bush raises his arms, triumphant.
Game over.
Back to business as usual.

salon.com | Feb. 22, 2000

Late Night

Leno had a few good shots last night.

Compassionate conservative?
Smirk has killed 119 people.
That's compassionate?
He's fried so many people, instead of 'Governor,'
they should call him, 'The Colonel.'

Smirk is so conservative, when he sentences a woman to death,
he makes her cook her own last meal.

Then Howard Stern came on and said,
"I know why you had me on tonight, because
 everyone's watching CBS to see what the corpse looks like."

But the night belonged to Dave.

During the monolog, Seinfeld walked out with a confused look on his face.
"I thought you were dead..."
(When he was in the hospital, Dave told his producer he didn't want
 the shows to be tributes to him. He asked them to make fun of him
 while he was in the hospital. I'll bet he liked Stern's joke)

Instead of starting with a 'bit,' Dave introduced his doctors.
It's so strange to see Letterman crying, but shit,
if you can't cry when you get your ass back, when can you cry?

I think we're going to see a new Dave.
I think he's going to see his later life in two parts, before and after the surgery.
I think he'll be more open about his personal life. he said a lot of things
last night that he wouldn't ordinarily say, like mentioning his girlfriend's
friendly nagging, for instance. He looked a little tired, but he was
as sharp as Clinton under oath.

Welcome back, Dave.

 Steal Mail

 From: Skip1005@aol.com
 A friend sent me this today - dunno the origin, but it's twue, it's twue...


 10. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.

 9. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character
     on "The West Wing."

 8. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Villa guy."

 7. Outstanding record as Governor of Texas nullified by the fact
     that no one really cares.

 6. Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally
     Struthers with a chocolate donut.

 5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC thingie?"

 4. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna wrestle?!?"

 3. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu
      refugees once and for all.

 2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, "I win!"

 ..and the Number 1 Sign Smirk Is Under-Qualified..

 1. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a LIFELINE.

I'm pretty sure that's from Letterman,
but like you say, it's twue.

Mail Bag

From: guyvf@usa.net

Please explain why you use a picture of a kitten to represent heir Giuliani?
Where did you get the pic?
It seems familiar.


I'm not sure where the kitty pic came from.
One day, Rush was talking about how evil and ruthless Hillary was,
and then I saw that pic of the kitty and thought it might be funny to have him beg for his life.

"Please don't let her stomp me in November," it read.

Maybe nobody else liked it,
but I laugh every time I see "Rudy."

Hillary is a stone-cold killer.
She's going to stomp that lil' kitty to death in November.


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