Vol 176 - The Crunge

March 6, 2000

Ask BartCop

From: guydubet@tomatoweb.com

Subject: President Smirk?

How can anyone LISTEN to Butch talk and say
"Yeah,  he's the guy to TURN OUR COUNTRY AROUND.""

Turn it around?
To where?

Are they crazy?




Vote For Smirk!

Texas - Number 1 in Toxic releases.
Texas - Number 1 in state-sanctioned executions.
Texas - Number 50 in per capita spending on women's health care.

Will Smirk do to America what he's done to Texas?

More on Amy Grant's Torn Heart
From Country Something Magazine

Grant spoke only in generalities about the divorce, but in general terms, she
made it clear that she considers the divorce to be a devastating personal failure.

"I stood up at the front of a packed-out church and made a vow
 before God about-as best I could-how I would lead my life.
 And I failed in that!

 Failure's incredibly humbling," she said.
 "I tried at every turn to take the high road.
 And yet, my personal life kept just spiraling downward."

Folks - we're getting hosed here.
You're not hearing an explanation - those are song lyrics.
Imagine the shit Clinton would have to take if he said this:

After years of unproductive marriage counseling,
Grant came to believe that she had been "released" from the marriage.

ha ha
Points for chutzpah!
Points for chutzpah!
Clinton would never have the balls to claim that.

Amy's doing the old, "Husband? What husband?" routine.
Vince Gill?

Isn't Vince Gill that goofy looking guy from Oklahoma?
If he's from Oklahoma, he could have a snake or a cock!

ha ha

Is Amy Grant  a Smirkette Pioneer?
Wasn't she a Bob Jones "bobbette" in the sixties?

She told CCM,  "We all met together and just said, 'You know, if the
mercy of Jesus doesn't extend to a situation like this, it doesn't go very far, does it?'

ha ha

Now it's Jesus's fault?
It's Jesus's fault she can't control that itch?
She would mis-use her faith that way to justify her flesh-lust?

...for a guy from Oklahoma?

If Jesus were here, I wonder if he might say something like,

"Miss Grant. If you have any respect for me at all,
 Please don't use my name to justify your lack of self-control."

Seems like just yesterday I was having to stand up for the Catholics.
Today, it looks like Jesus needed a friend.

Cunningham Strikes!

Al Sharpton

In today's USA Today, there was a half-page called,
Why do the Democrats Run to Al Sharpton?

Then they spent the next 400 words calling him everything but nigger.
They could've tried to answer the question, but noooooooooooooooo!
That'd be too much like doing their goddamn job, and we can't have that.

Instead, they listed every accusation ever leveled at Sharpton closing with,
"...and the Democrats still run to him at election time."

I admit I don't know Smirk about New York politics,
but why do the Democrats run to this guy?
The first thing it does is it gives the fascist dogs cover to have friends like
Bob Jones and Pat Robertson, because extreme = extreme, they say.

Could someone explain Sharpton to me?
What hold does Sharpton have?
Is it the votes?
Is there a huge block of black New Yorkers that'll do whatever Sharpton says?
If Sharpton is skipped over, what's he going to do?
Tell his people to vote for Smirk?
That's not going to happen.

The best Sharpton could do to harm a Democrat would be to encourage his people
to stay home on election day, but that would give them Senator Kitty Kat.
If Sharpton went anti-Democrat, it'd be his last time at the party for damn sure!

If Sharpton went out of his way to help a GOP candidate,
he'd be dissed by every Democrat from now on, and he'd be powerless.
So could someone explain Sharpton to me?

If I was running, I wouldn't go to Sharpton until he denounced
all the nutty things he's said and done over the years.

Hillary, Gore, Bradley, they all run to Sharpton for his blessing,
and that gives the GOP cover to be as racist as they wanna be.


E-Mail BartCop

The headline in the National Enquirer this week is,

Shania Twain Joins No-Sex Cult

When you go to the story inside, there's a picture of her brother saying,
"I just want my sister back."

ha ha

Oh, well, they're Canadian.
Who knows what goes on up there?

(That's a joke - don't write)

Selective Outrage

Remember Michael Del Giorno, the local Rush clone in K-Drag?
If I can piece together what my e-mail is saying, Del Giorno was getting
so much mail, he put a block on anything with "bartcop" in the header.

That would lead me to believe a lot of people wrote, and I appreciate that,
but the show is almost over and he's choosing not to mention the subject.
It's his show, he can mention what he wants.


Del G did have time to mention that Amy Grant got married over the weekend.
In case you missed "The Big List," (always available at bartcop.com/biglist.htm)
Amy Grant, a self-styled Christian woman, left her husband and kids so she
could jump into the hot little bed with Vince Gill, who left his wife and kids
to jump between the legs of hot little Amy Grant.

What happened to their marriage vows?
What happened to their families?
What happened to their faith?

You see how phony they are?

Both families were destroyed, both sets of children thrown into Dr. Laura's hell,
of not being able to live with their real Mommy and Daddy anymore.

A little thing called  hot lust  got in the way.
So, both sets of children have to put up with either Mommy's new stud
or Daddy's new tramp - and what did Del Giorno say about this outrage?

"I don't want to take a stand on this."

Typical Del Giorno right-wing Christian dodge.

Clinton semi-cheated and there's no doubt if he had to, Del G would walk barefoot
over broken glass like Bruce Willis to SCREAM his outrage at Bill Clinton for being
semi-unfaithful, but when some "Christians" break up two families, he can't take a stand?
Typical, typical, typical of those who claim to speak for God.
Their selective outrage is the real outrage.
To me, that's being dishonest.

To Michael Del Giorno, a spade is sometimes a heart, and sometimes it's a club,
but a spade's only a spade if it involves Clinton's cock.

Del G, why can't you be more honest?

They don't have the courage or the cojones to stand up and say,
"People who cheat are bad people and I condemn them,"
because too many people on their side are cheating, too.

How many years have I been pointing out the selective outrage
of the species known as the North American albino ditto-monkey?

It PROVES they are lying.

I must've hit on a new search engine.

From:    RADRETIRED@aol.com


You suck!

From:  bluescat@iglou.com


i dont like you...
have a nice day

B.C. Hatchett

 Ask BartCop

 From: JennyQ1@aol.com

 Subject: Lest We Forget...


 Before 1992, could anyone conceive of ANYONE in politics taking on BOTH the
 NRA and the Pro-Cancer (tobacco lobby)?

 Before Mighty King Bill, were there ANY Republicans OR Democrats willing to
 say what everyone else was THINKING about the MURDERERS in the NRA and
 Tobacco Lobby?

 Doesn't it seem like the NRA and Tobacco Lobby have ALWAYS been on the
 defensive, even though they have NEVER been on the defensive before the Era
 of the Clinton/Gore Prosperity and Courage?

 Why don't you ever hear the PRESS WHORES talking about this - or when they do,
 why do they babble that it's "focus groups" who told Clinton he should take on these killers?

 What they REALLY mean to say is that THE PEOPLE were SCREAMING for someone to
 take on these killers but the WHORES in the media and in politics (UNTIL CLINTON)
were too AFRAID to lose their CONTRIBUTIONS from the AMERCAN-KILLING

 Am I right?


 Dear JennyQ1,



From: withheld

BartCop, what's the URL for the Bob Jones Catholic bashing page again?


Update to Message From the Mount

Click Here

This is a Test.

Remember the movie Midway?
The US was trying to verify that they'd broken the Japanese code, so they broadcast
a phoney message that Midway's water filtering system was broke.

When a Japanese sub heard that, they transmitted that info back home,
letting Henry Fonda know we'd broken their code and verifying that Midway Island
was Japan's next target. It turned the tide in World War II.

People have been getting onto me for claiming I'm being quoted by McCain.
I'm going to print a line and see if McCain repeats it in the next 32 hours.
The line goes back six weeks, so if he repeats it before the polls close tomorrow,
yes, I'm going to claim McCain reads  bartcop.com

Like to hear it?
Here it go:

When a reporter asks, "Senator McCain, how did this campaign get so ugly?"
 McCain should answer:

"If you remember, Governor Bush and I were running a gentlemen's campaign
until I beat him by 19 points in New Hampster. Once his team saw that he was
getting his ass whooped, they came out negative and I had to respond."

Help me watch the talk shows for news about the water filtering system.
If McCain uses the phrase, "gentlemen's campaign," I'll demand a $5 royalty from him.
If he screws up and says, "New Hampster," he can have it for free!

 Mail Bag

 From:  R Ford, rotate172@hotmail.com

 Subject: anti-catholic


 ...speaking of anti-Catholicism, I was disturbed to find the following:

   "If you think Catholics are just 'a little old fashioned,' remember this:
  a priest will come to your house and perform an exorcism, if you've got enough money."
  -- Issue #132

 First, let me say how flattered I am that you'd read the back issues.
 Those are some of me best lines.
 Let's look at them.

 This is true. Exorcisms are still on the "company books," but because of the
 obvious ridicule (and the movie The Exorcist) they don't like to discuss
 exorcism much, at least in modern America.
 But if you go to third world countries, you can find 'em all day.

   "Did you know, if you're Catholic, and you notice some cute gal in her swimming suit
  and you say to yourself, 'Boy, I'd pay $5 to watch her lick an ice cream cone,'
  that's the same as cold-blooded murder for Catholics?
  It's the dreaded 'mortal sin,' this ice cream 'crime.'"
  -- Issue  #143

  This is true. Catholics have always been big on intentions.
  If a man sees a pretty girl licking a Pop-sickle, he's going to hell.

  "You see, Catholics don't allow divorce.....but!
 If you have the cash, and can hire a high-priced lobbyist,  the arch-bishop miiiiiiiiiiiight
 be able to find a loophole that can "annul" your marriage after, say, 20 years."
 -- Issue #94

  This is so true I can't stand it.
  Many Kennedy's have married twice, and their first wives are still alive.
  Worse, the loophole they used to get married a second time was to say they were
   never married in the first place, even tho it lasted 20 years and produced 8 kids.

  Do you think they got away with this because they're the most Catholic family
  in the whole country?   No, it's because they wrote a check.
  A big one.
  Maybe you'd have to be brought up Catholic to understand, but I'm a little
  jealous that I wasn't born into a family that could buy their Stairway.

  "I survived 12 years in a Catholic POW camp.....
  Between Limba and the Catholics, there wouldn't BE a BartCop."
  -- Issue #95

 Did you read just a few issues back about the nun who slapped my cousin
 half-to-death while most of the school stood at attention and watched?
 I never saw anything like that on Hogan's Heroes.

  "By the way, Tim, are you Catholic by any chance?
   Russert: Why, yes. I almost became a priest, why?
   BartCop: ...just a hunch."
    -- Issue #129

 Russert is Catholic. That means in his eyes, Clinton is a baby-killer.
 It's my opinion that he intentionally slants his questions to injure Clinton and
 his reputation because "A,"  Tim's a whore who needs more money and
 "B," if he can fan the spark say, of impeachment, by playing that clip
 "I did not have sexual relations with that woman," a thousand times,
 he figures he's striking a blow for the unborn.

 In the latest issue, you referred to Bush as an "anti-Catholic bigot."
 I don't think you're bigoted, but......

 R. Ford

 The big thing to remember is I don't claim to speak for God.
 and I don't claim my talent is on loan from God.
 BartCop's Treehouse isn't taking money to "teach" anybody anything.
 Bob Jones is "educating" young skulls of mush into thinking that people
 like Russert will burn in Hell for eternity and he's not kidding!

 Besides, if a comic does a joke about his wife, does that mean he's anti-women?
 If he does a joke about a hamburger, is he anti-food?
 If he does a joke about Laura the Harp and her kick-start vibrator,
 does that mean he's against money-grubbing, fascist whores?

 Wait - I tricked myself!

 But you know what I mean.
 I think a comedian can do jokes about anything if it's funny.
 Two weeks ago, Seinfeld said to Dave, "I thought you were dead."
 It was funny, so it was OK.

 I was raised Catholic, and it's a funny-as-hell system that has continuity
 and logic problems worse than Ashley Judd's Double Jeopardy!
 Catholics are funny, but Bob Jones isn't kidding around.

 Geez, think of the trouble I'd be in if I was raised a Jew?

Great Rush Quotes

"Liberalism is just plain evil.
 Conservatives just don't have it in them to be evil."

  -- Field Marshall Limba, each and every day

March 5, 2000

There Goes Mara Lie-ason on Fox News

"It was so unfair to compare Bob Jones and Falwell to Sharpton and Farrakhan."

She meant Jones and Falwell should be insulted.
Mara thinks left-wing nuts are worse than right-wing nuts.
I think when Fox News hired Mara, they got a two-fer.

Mara, are you from Massabama?

By hiring Mara Lie-ason, Fox News got not only a formerly-respected journalist
with semi-credentials, but they also get the chance to make the claim that she's from NPR,
the ultra-liberal, bend-over-for-Clinton National "federal" Radio propagandist.

So now Mara slurs every Democrat the same was Judas Maximus does,
thereby  proving  that even the ultra-libs hate Bill Clinton, too.

I hear Lie-ason and Juan Williams are getting a show on Fox Whore News called,
"Why All Decent Democrats Should Vote for George Dubya."

Rupert's giving them each a thousand dollar bonus!
Not a thousand split between them - a thousand each!

Wacky Pataki!

Gov Pataki just said on Fox Whore News,  00:08 CST 3/6,

"While Cardinal O'Conner of New York can't come right out and endorse a candidate,
 I can tell you that he had a very nice and very friendly conversation with Smirk recently."


Smirk called to apologize for being an anti-Catholic bigot!
Smirk called to apologize for kissing a man who called the Pope the Anti-Christ.
Yeah, they damn sure did have a conversation, Wacky.

Cheeses - I don't know much about New York's ditto-monkey Governor Wacky.
All I know is that he hates Rudy,
but that's only because he knows him.


Is Wacky always Limba with the facts?

...and, it's Fox Whore News, so nobody called him on it.

Hillary's going to stomp that kitty.

What Kind of Man Reads bartcop.com?

I just got the new Playboy Magazine in the mail.
(My cat subscribes)
The young lady in the centerfold was photographed as tho she were alive.

She wasn't wet.
She was upside-down.
Her skin tone was not blue-gray.
Her arms and legs weren't twisted into bizzare angles.
Her pictures did not look like crime-scene photos.
No need to call Homicide.

Wine drinkers might get an extra kick out of it.

Congrats to Playboy!

I'm glad to see you're pro-life.


Four years ago today, Tim McVeigh's attorney asked the court if Tim
could get an absentee ballot to vote in the 1996 November election.
You see, Tim's into all that government stuff.
(He had not yet been convicted.)

If Tim McVeigh could vote this year,
do we have any doubt who his boy would be?

Not that there's a connection - I don't know Smirk about Rollie Evans of
Evans and Novak, but in the brand-new April edition of Playboy, Evans says,

"In the election, Gore would be the most fun, but we're not going to get Gore.
 It's going to be George W , and I'll say it right out loud."

"I find him to be an extraordinarily attractive fella," Evans said.

ha ha

There's gotta be a way to gamble on the Internet.
There's gotta be!

I hesitate to run a "Wizard of Oz" parody (See Vol 100) but...


Southwest Airlines No-Crash Streak Intact

Southwest Airlines Flight did not crash in LA as first reported.
Startled pedestrians called 911 when they saw the Boeing 737 on
Hollywood Way in Burback Sunday evening, but there was no crash.

What was first described as a "mishap" was later called a "misunderstanding" by police.
Apparently the pilot, Howard Klein of Los Angeles, was coming in for a landing
when he noticed a nearby Chevron station had Super-Premium gas for less than $2
so he decided to just pull in and fill 'er up and save a few bucks.

The suds you see surrounding the plane in the picture above
are from the free wash you get with every fill up at Chevron.

Chevron - It's more than just gas!

Marc Perkel has a New Page Up

Click Here

You'll be glad you did.

A Smirk Story

I heard a story about Ol' Smirk, that I can't verify, so I was
hoping someone might be able to shed some light on it's accuracy.
(As you know, accuracy is Job One here at  bartcop.com)
This happened sometime after he graduated from college, but
before he met his wife Pickles in the Scottsdale rehab center.

One night Smirk was drinking cheap tequila with some good-old boys in a bar in
Midland, Texas and, as usual, he was shooting his mouth off. The cowboys took
offense and dragged his young, skinny ass out behind the bar and kicked it - hard.

The last thing Smirk remembered seeing before blacking out was a man with a
jagged scar over his right eye and a funny-shaped gold front tooth.
Gold-tooth-boy was beating Smirk's face to a bloody pulp with a cue ball.

Smirk woke up the next day in Midland's Bartlett Memorial Hospital.
His left eye socket was broke, as was his jaw and three of his ribs.
The doctors told Smirk he'd been repeatedly kicked in the head.
They said he'd suffered some brain damage - they weren't sure how much.
He had also been sexually assaulted by at least three men.

Smirk got out of the hospital a week later, and walked home bow-legged.
To his horror, his home had been looted and burned and his dog had been lynched.
On the front door, spray-painted words taunted him:


Smirk fell to his knees and cupped his face as he heaved and sobbed.
He vowed to track down his three attackers, no matter how long it took,
no matter how much it cost, he swore he'd find those animals.

His only clue was the man with the scar and the gold tooth.
With his dad's inherited fortune at his disposal, he hired several teams
of the best private investigators all over the United States.

After about six months, one of the investigators thought he had a lead.
They found three, cheap-tequila drinking bullies in Missoula, Montana.
One of them had a scar and a gold tooth, and Smirk, himself,
was needed to identify the man because he was the only witness.

Smirk grabbed some of daddy's men and flew to Missoula.
The investigator took him to the bar where the men were last seen.
Smirk walked in alone.

There are some things a man's gotta do by himself.

He looked around and saw three familiar-looking men.
They were drinking rot-gut Jose Cuervo Gold Tequila - straight.
Smirk knew immediately they were the same three men.
He recognized their voices before he saw their faces.

He walked up to them and kicked the fourth chair into the table,
sending their glasses flying off in all directions.
The three men stood up, and Smirk confronted them.

"Do you remember me?" he asked in his angriest tone.

The tallest man smiled, displaying that familiar, funny-looking gold tooth.
No doubt, these were the men who beat and sodomized him.

The tall man looked Smirk up and down.
He looked at his two friends, then back at Smirk.

"I think so," the tall man said.
"Sure, sure...
 You're our old girlfriend from Midland, Texas, right?"

"Your darned right I am," steamed Smirk, barely containing his rage.
 With his temper boiling, and about to explode, Smirk got right in his face,
 stared right into his cold, blank eyes and said,

"I didn't appreciate what you fellows did to me!" said Smirk.
"I didn't appreciate it one bit!"

The Oklahoma Republican party's welcoming committee...

 Great Smirk Quotes

 Sam Donaldson: Governor, in California, it's winner-take-all on the delegates.
                             Is that fair?

 Governor Smirk: I guess that depends on who wins...

 Gag Me!

 Timmy the Catholic closed his show today begging us to watch his special,
 "Don Imus - the King of All Politics," an hour special tonight on MSNBC.

 I wish I knew who crowned Don Imus, "The King of All Politics."
 Imus is such a no-talent screw-up.

 He commits the biggest crime for an entertainer - he's boring as hell.
 He was funnier when he was struggling with all his booze and cocaine problems.
 Since he dried out, and dried up, Imus is nothing.

 How old is he, anyway? Seventy-five?
 Imus is your grandfather's talk-show host.
 Is there a single city in America where he outdraws Howard Stern?
 Stern can be very crude sometimes, but he's usually funny.

 Is Imus still doing that "Quack-Quack" bit?
 Oh, Christ, when Imus starts the "Quack-Quack," Mrs. BartCop
 hides the Glock cause she knows that might push me over the edge.

 Is that his way of paying tribute to Mallard Fillmore?
 The "Quack-Quack" bit?

 It's early, but I need a drink...


 Obviously, someone in the McCain camp reads  bartcop.com

 Tim the Catholic is railing at him for those weeks-old Michigan phone calls,
 that I effectively put to rest. (See Straighten Me Out, below)

 Timmy, you did this to Clinton, too - going back weeks and months
 to look for a story that's more stale than Bob Jones's dating policies.
 You played that video clip, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman,"
 a least 50 times, Timmy, a full fucking year after Clinton said it, you giggled
 as you forced every guest on your show to watch that same old tape
 from the year before, and then badgered them for a sexual comment.

 By the way, Timmy, your hands are never visible when you play that clip.
 What do idle fingers do when they're sexually stimulated, Timmy?
 Does Timmy need to go to confession?
 Timmy - it's always Sunday when you pull this sex trick on your guests.
 Timmy - how could you?

 And now, here you are two years after your "finger-wagging" milestone,
 ragging on McCain for some Michigan phone calls from a month ago?
 Is that why people watch "Meet the Catholic?"
 To get another re-hash of last month's news?
 Koresh, Pigboy's Limba Litter is more current than you, Timmy.

 Timmy, as a fellow Catholic, let me tell you what nobody else will say.
 It's getting reeeeeeeeeeeeally old, Timmy.

 Your bad habit of hovering over a dead news story from the past blows donkey.
 If you don't have the brains to put together some forward-looking stories,
 could you at least try to work in the present instead of dragging your guests
 back in time like a goddamn Jane Pauley Time and Again segment?
 You're making us all sick, Timmy - now get outta here.

 Tim kept pounding away at "the phone calls," when he knows damn well he
 didn't ask a specific-enough question to corner a dime store candy theif,
 much less a polished professional running for the White House.

 McCain finally said, "I paid for the phone calls that stated the facts
 about Bob Jones that Smirk has had to apologize for, Timmy!"

 Timmy kept pounding.
 "You don't think you had a duty to be clearer on that?"

 McCain said, "It's not my fault if the press can't ask better questions."

 Straight out of  yesterday's  bartcop.com

 If the stupid, stupid whores of the press don't have the brains to frame
 a question better than that, they probably can't handle the truth, anyway.

 While it's always flattering to be quoted by a presidential candidate, if McCain
 squeaks a win on Super Tuesday, I hope nobody points to that program and his
 clear, surgical answer that turned things around for him in this campaign.

 I would not want to be the man credited with getting McCain elected.

 March 4, 2000

 More Bob Jones

 Reporter:    Bob Jones, why do you hate the Catholics so much?

 Bob Jones:  It's in The Good Book. The Good Book is very clear.
                     The Good Book says I have to hate them.
           The Good Book says the Pope is the anti-Christ,
                     and all Catholics are going to burn in Hell for eternity.

 Reporter:    So, besides The Good Book telling you to, why do you hate them?

 Bob Jones: Besides The Good Book?
           ...I don't.

 Reporter:    So, your hatred comes from The Good Book?
           The Good Book teaches you to hate others, is that what you're saying?

 Bob Jones: No, of course not.
                    ...the reason we must,
                    ...I'm very certain that...
                    ...God has made it very clear that we must...
                   ...This is no good, you're trying to trick me!

 Reporter:   All I did was ask a question.
                    Does your hatred come from The Good Book?

 Bob Jones: Are you from New York?
                     Blasphemer from New York!

 Reporter:   You've dedicated yourself to a belief you can't defend?
                     You're a third generation preacher of a system you can't defend?
                     You've been preaching for fifty years, and you can't answer that question?

 Bob Jones: You are guilty of the wanton and malicious revilement of God
                     and the Christian religion. Your contumelious reproaches and
                     profane irreverance are an abominable affront to Almighty God!

 Reporter:   Please, just answer that very simple question.
                     Does your hatred of Catholics come from The Good Book?
                     Or does it come from some other source?

 Bob Jones: The Devil has seized control of your tongue, blasphemer!
                     I rebuke thee, Satan.
           I will listen to your blasphemy no longer.
                     I will take my leave of you now.
                     Go back to New York, or Hell, blasphemer!

 Reporter:   (sigh...)
                    Will I ever find someone who can answer simple questions?

 Guest Editorial
  (Edited for length)

 From:  wittnietz@datatek.com

 Subject: George Dubya

 Were I a Republican, Bible-thumping racist, I would be very, very pissed
 off at George Dubya right now. He comes to South Carolina and his first
 visit is to the adamantly religio-whacko racist lunatic Bob Jones University
 and says not one word about their racist, anti-Catholic policies.

 Now that he's backpedaling like a wormy kid confronted with a passel of
 bullies, what are fine, racist, anti-Catholic South Carolinians to think?
 That he just came here
 and said his piece,
 then once he won,
 he got the hell out,
 and is now whoring for Catholic votes in that Yankee hell New York?

 But now Catholic anti-choicers in New York who hoped and prayed to vote
 for Dubya are taking his apologies hook, line, and sinker.
 And these same GOP fascists claim that Clinton is guilty of
 "changing his positions according to who he speaks to?"

 Pigboy slanders McCain, yet for the past six and a half years we've heard
 nothing but idiot rhetoric about "needing a leader who takes a firm stand
 on the issues, unlike Clinton."

 Well, which is it, Giver of Shade?
 Do you want Dubya--who seems just as malleable as Clinton?
 Or McCain,  who knows when to take a stand?

 Pigboy doesn't actually believe anything he says.
 He just wants a tax cut, which McCain has not yet promised him.

 Aaron Snyder

 Going Down? w/Update

 That big press story about Pigboy attacking McCain?
 (Click HERE - This update is an excellent story,
  sent out by the always-reliable Voltai29@geocities.com)

 Are you back?

 Did you catch the sentence that started,
 "The nasty Pigboy, heard by 15 millions listeners on 500 stations..."

 Well, even with my I.Q. of 64, I remember when it was,
 "more than 20 million listeners on 660 stations."

 That Harp, Harp, Harpy is eating into his Nazi niche.

 Rush is stuck in that ugly rut where nothing seems new anymore.
 How many more times do we have to hear him say,
 "I can prove Smirk's not a racist, because Al Gore's father
  voted against the Civil Rights Act of 1964?"

 Hey Pigboy, you know what?

That's not working!

 The same lies, day after day, just aren't entertaining anymore.
 Pretty soon it will be, "heard by 8 million on 230 radio stations."
 Before long it'll be, "former radio gasbag Rusty Von Methane."

 I'm going to chronicle every rung he passes on the way down.

 How's Smirk Doing in New York?

 "Mr. Bush... has been unable to shake the impression that he is little more
 than the undistinguished son of a middling, if pleasant, family, a man who is
 not quite sure why he wants to be President.

 His claim to importance is that he has been elected twice as governor
 of the second most populous state in the Union.
 That is undeniable. But why should the nation at large feel obliged to
 validate the mistakes made by a few million Texans?

 Mr. Bush stands out in his field, but in the wrong way.
 His personal narrative does nothing to inspire confidence in his judgment.
 His campaign has been one of the great disasters in modern American
 political history. As his appearance at Bob Jones University demonstrates,
 he is unbelievably tone-deaf, if not downright callous. Branded early on as a
 frat boy who did little to build on his advantages in life, Mr. Bush has been
 unable to persuade voters that he has become a man of substance, a leader.

 New Yorkers would do well to keep in mind that Mr. Bush’s supporters
 here tried desperately to keep Mr. McCain off the ballot, denying Republican
 voters a choice. We’re beginning to understand why."

 The New York Observer
 March 1, 2000

How's Smirk Doing in California?

Bush has become associated with Pat Robertson and Ralph Reed,
while McCain has continued to highlight Bush's appearance at
the very awful Bob Jones University in South Carolina.

Bush's unfavorable rating hit 51 percent in a poll
released this week, an increase of 19 percentage points since October.
And while he once ran even with Gore in general election trial heats,
he now trails the vice president by about 10 percentage points.

Bush even runs narrowly behind Democrat Bill Bradley in a Field
Poll general election matchup, despite Bradley's overall decline
here. "That says Bush is weak, not that Bradley is strong," said
the Field Poll's Mark DiCamillo.

Bush has lost ground among Democrats and independents.
The Republicans have yet to find a message that can reach beyond
loyal supporters to the kinds of voters they need to win in November.

Message From the Mount

From: sven9@mindspring.com

Subject:     Bob Jones U. Lifts Ban on Inter-racial dating

This just in...
God has changed his mind.
He now says it is OK if people of different skin tones go bowling together.

Bob Jones announced today that "he" (not sure if "he" means Jones or God)
lifted the ban on inter-racial dating.  When pressed for a biblical reference
that led to the ban originally, Mr. Jones could not cite any.
He stated the original purpose of the ban was to prevent a one world government.*

One world government, hummm.

I wonder if he means a government where there is one leader dictating to the
masses on what they should wear, eat, act, think and do in social settings and
these rules are based on the leader's personal whims and interpretations of a text
that is based on the nature science and the knowledge of the world 5,000 years ago.

A government that erects a wall around its people to keep the outside world out.
Yeah I agree.
I don't want to see that either.

God could not be reached for comment.
St. Peter said he was busy answering the prayers of high school football teams
across the country asking for victory over their opponents.

Steven Bennett

I've gotten some e-mails about the picture on the front page.
Specifiaclly how "cute" the shirt is, and did my mother dress me?

Well, ...yes.

That shirt was vogue as hell in 1959.
It was good for a babe-magnet, too.

Fun CC Mail

From:  lgrove@snowcrest.net

To:  delgiornoM@aol.com

Subject:   Liberals can only get a one-share...

The reason liberals only get a "one-share" on the radio is because their
target audience (other liberals) have better things to do than take marching orders
from a talking head on how to think, believe, vote and hate.

Listen to the right-wing radio hate mongers once and you have heard their
entire shtick. It just gets repeated day after day. This crap only appeals to the
ignorant whose thoughts and opinions are always someone else's.
Too bad.

Lewis Grove

Econ 101
BartCop vs Buckley

 > From: Kristi

 > Did you see where William F. Buckley said that reducing the
 > national debt is not really in the nation's best interests?

    Click Here

 > Is this guy nuts, or is he just another wacko under the
 > delusion that Reaganomics was GOOD for this country?

 > Kristi

 ha ha
 That reads like an "Ask BartCop" bit.



 ha ha

 I've read about this theory before.
 The other part says if we get into a terrible recession,
 cutting taxes will lift us out of it faster, but they never explain
 why it's good to have a big suffocating debt in the first place.
 I think they're trying to justify Reagan's mad spending spree.
 But we don't have to worry about Buckley.
 Lucky for America, Non scribit cujus carmina nemo legit.

 ha ha

 It seems to me the Republicans have two choices:
 1. Admit Clinton is a genius who taxed us into prosperity,
 2. Spout a bunch of mumbo-jumbo and hope something sticks.

 The national debt is just like a Mastercard debt.
 No good argument can me made for not paying the card in full
 each month, unless you're just flat broke and can't pay it.
 (That's what happened under Reagan-Butch)
 Koresh, we don't even get to deduct the interest anymore,
 thanks to the economic "genius" of  Reagan, Dole and Andreas.

 Let's say our Mastercard bill is $8000 and we're paying $100 a month on it.
 We stumble onto $1000, and Clinton wants to pay down our Mastercard bill,
 but the GOP wants to go to Disneyland, instead.

 Clinton wants us to eat our veggies,
 but the GOP is pushing the pizza and ice cream diet.

 Go figure, the Democrats have become the party of fiscal responsibility.
 I never thought I'd live that long.

 Thank you, Bill Clinton

Insane Fundy Cultist Blames Atheism for Everything


Click Here


 Subject:  KRoMaG!

 From: tylerpat@zoomnet.net

 Hey man, that Kromag thing was mine.
 Gosh, probably my best line ever
 and someone else got the credit?


 My mistake,
 Mea Culpa, as the Catholics say.
 Ringersoll contacted me and said he didn't write it!
 I was right-clicking and saving all I could at the chat thing,
 but I must've missed your original reference.

 That was a classic!
 Easily the best line of the night.

 Knuckledrag radio KRMG = KRoMaG


 Ask BartCop

 From:  dproberts75@hotmail.com

 Subject: This Whore for Rent

 How much money is the George W. Bush campaign paying Rush?

 The attacks on McCain by the Giver of Shade have been really nasty and uncalled for
 given the fact that McCain is one of the more conservative Republicans in the Senate.
 (Unless "conservatism" means giving millions of pork dollars to Trent Lott
 or letting Pat Robertson set education policy.)

 There are only two plausible scenarios for Limbaugh so savagely attacking McCain.

 1) Limbaugh wants Bush to win the nomination because he wants
     Gore to win the Presidency, giving his show at least another
     four more years to peddle cheap shower scum remover.

 2) The Bush campaign or RNC is actually giving Rush "soft money"
     to attack McCain at every single opportunity. I think this
     is a real possibility for a number of reasons, such as:
 a) Rush is a money-grubbing whore
 b) he unofficially "endorsed" Steve Forbes in 1996, who probably also used
     his money to pay off Rush. George W. simply outbid him this time around.
 c) Rush is a money-grubbing whore
 d) Rush isn't attacking Clinton as much anymore, meaning the
     RNC must be paying him to attack McCain this month instead.
 e) McCain is trying to do away with "soft money" or at least force candidates
     to disclose it better, which would cut off Rush from his pimps.
 f) Something about Rush being a prostitute

 Am I right?
 Dread Pirate

 Dread Pirate,



Oh Joy!
Oh Rapture!

CNN is going LIVE to a Bill Bradley rally to cover his speech.

...can you use the words, "live" and,"Bill Bradley" in the same sentence?

I think Bradley's in this to show how exciting Al Gore can be.

 Mail Bag

 From: WatsMata4U@aol.com

 Subject: The Flag Flap

 I'm so glad the confederate flag issue was settled in Carolina.
 As you know, the Carolina legislature has passed a bill proclaiming
 that the flag is NOT a symbol of racism.

 I believe that ends the matter, doesn't it?
Who the fuck do these people think they are kidding?

 Wats, that's the problem:
 They're not kidding.
 They're as serious as Tim McVeigh.

Did you see Bob Jones on Larry King?

King: What makes the Pope the anti-Christ?

Jones: He just is, Larry. It says so in the Bible.

King: ...and all Catholics will burn in Hell?

Jones: Of course, Larry. It says so in the Bible.

The Bible - always causing trouble.
Holy books cause more death and destruction than anything on Earth.

What I find particularly amusing are the partially insane religio-nuts are
looking at the completely insane religio-nuts and saying, "They're so illogical."
The "7" on the crazy scale looks at the "9" and passes judgement,
not realizing that they are seven steps from sane, themselves.
Meanwhile, the scientists and logic-powered folks, the ones who do not
believe that a trinity of invisible ghosts has already written our script,
are left wondering if this planet has a chance to survive.

Back to Larry King,
As you can imagine, I wasn't paying close attention, but Bob Jones said that
all Presbyterians, at least the serious ones, the ones who've pledged to uphold
the Westminster Accords (Is that the right title?) anyway, all Presbyterians
believe that all Catholics will burn in hell and the Pope is the anti-Christ.

"It's all in the Bible, Larry!"

Yep, that's what we need - a full-blown religious Jihad.
All this, because Smirk played the race/religion card to get the vote
of the knuckledragging, toothless-inbred Carolina conservatives.

Thanks, Smirk!

 You know, if the Bob Jones crazies come after the Catholics,
 I'll have to stand and fight with the Catholics.


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