Vol 182 - Out Like a Lion
March 23, 2000


 

This cartoon is from Dr. Tobor's Media Update Network.
He just joined the Rush Limbaugh Sucks Webring.

If you have a web page that tells the truth about Pigboy,
and want to join the webring of honesty and accuracy, Click Here.


 VCR Alert

 Tonight - Crossfire promises to be a hot one!

 Gene Lyons, partner of my good friend Joe Conason, will battle...

yes, it's Barbara Olson, Finder of the Secret Sauce!

Barbara Olson is all caught up in The Hunting of the President.
She was a spokesman for Kenneth Von Starr, and she allegedly
passed info from Paula Jones's lawyers to Ken Starr, and her
husband was David Hale's lawyer, and it goes on and on.

Joe Conason, my good friend, is a little more aggressive on his feet,
but I'm sure Gene will dispatch Olson, Finder of the Secret Sauce.

Don't miss it!


 Begala Shoots the Bull

 Today's New York Times has a front-page story filled with comments from
 Republicans, who are openly worried that Rudy has lost his Senate campaign,
 if not his marbles. The Times even has this remarkable sentence:
 "Mr. Giuliani's advisers said this week that they could not control him
 and that they would not have advised him to make such statements."
 Even his staff says Rudy's out of control.
 

 Hillary couldn't lose this race if she tried


 Rush is Right Again

 The University of Wisconsin's Antarctic Meteorological Research Center reports
 that an iceberg twice the size of Delaware is breaking away from the main continent.

 For a picture of this mammoth, Click Here

 The polar caps are NOT melting because of global warming.
 Repeat.
 The polar caps are NOT melting because of global warming.

 Rush has guaranteed us that there is no global warming,
 and his talent comes from God, so would somebody tell the University of Wisconsin's
 Antarctic Meteorological Research Center and their photographic "proof" to stop lying?


 Smart Mail

 From: Oneiros96@aol.com

 Subject: Nintendo-head Republicans

 After listening to two glorious years of El Fat Bastardo, Governor
 Cokehead, mach fuhrer Starr and the rest of the arguments for retroactive
 abortion in the GOP (the KKK for those who don't like tractor pulls), I'm
 literally without words to describe the kind of spinal-reflex idiocy that
 seems to not only predominate, but literally own the field. How can these
 people not see that they are not only stacking their own pyres, but dowsing
 themselves in kerosene and handing Gore and Co. lit torches?

 The Captain Ahab comparisons have already been made, and done to death,
 but I don't think they're entirely accurate.

 One, Ahab was an interesting and engaging character with strong points to
 balance out his flaws. The clowns in our little comedy of errors, on the other hand,
 have the intelligence of carnival geeks and all the warmth of hookworm.
 ha ha

 Two, Ahab managed to take his enemy down with him in the end, whereas the
 biggest danger the Gang O'Pigs poses to Clinton or Gore these days is that they
 might inadvertently cause them to laugh themselves to death with an increasingly
 pathetic array of Hail-Mary political backfires.

 I think the problem is a lot more juvenile. Being a proud child of the
 Nintendo generation, I've identified a phenomenon in video gamers I'd like to
 call the 'Outmatch Brain'. Basically, this happens whenever you face an
 opponent who's just better than you are.

 When the match begins, he starts kicking your ass. First round is over, and you lost.
 Second round begins, you pull out all the stops, start cheating and playing really 'cheesy',
 and you still lose. Third round begins, the guy hasn't broken a sweat, and you're
 screaming at the display, claiming that somethings wrong with your controller,
 calling your opponent every epithet that your meager mind can come up with----while
 he wipes the floor with you and calls out, 'Next!' And, of course, everyone around you
 points and laughs as blood floods your face and you scream yourself into a seizure.

 So, I just have a couple of questions. What are Republicans smoking that makes them act
 and think like Tekken-addicted eight year olds, and why haven't I been able to get some?

 Alex, NYC
 

 Alex, write more like that and send it to me...
 bc


 From the Houston Chronicle

 DeLay's Brother Arrested for Beating Woman


  (Charles Delay - 1995 File Photo)

  A brother of U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay, R-Sugar Land, has been
  charged with aggravated assault on his live-in girlfriend.

  Charles Ray DeLay, 56, was arrested Tuesday night, his birthday,
  at his home in the 3300 block of Box Elder in west Harris County
  and held in the County Jail in lieu of $20,000 bail.

  The woman, 45, was attacked with a walking stick and treated for
  facial abrasions and bruises. She said she and DeLay had been drinking.

  Emily Miller, a spokeswoman for the congressman, said the brothers have been
  estranged for more than 10 years and do not talk to one another.

  An investigator's report said Charles DeLay claims
  the "devil" told him to attack the woman.


 Drug Laws II

 From:  jsw1@hotmail.com

 Subject: Insane Clown Posse

 Now that the Insane Clown Posse has ruled that the FDA has no jurisdiction
 to regulate nicotine, what is next?

 Who gets to be the first person to argue that the DEA has no jurisdiction to regulate marijuana?
 Oh wait...the argument that Lard Butt will give is that cigarettes are a LEGAL product.
 Well, what gives the FDA the legal jurisdiction over something as relatively harmless as aspirin?
 Or Viagra?
 If you need a goddamn prescription to get a hard-on, but can give away Marlboro Lights with each
 package of Pokemon cards, what does that say about the logic behind the Supreme Court's decision?

 Apparently Bob Dole was right...since the USDA has the right to regulate milk, but the FDA does NOT
 have the right to regulate tobacco, that must mean that milk IS much more dangerous than cigarettes.

 Beware of the cows.
 JW


Woman Denied Claim on Clinton's Cock

Click Here


See This Picture?

Great picture, eh?
That little girl speaks for all of us.
Let's hope Smirk doesn't try to kiss her.

I got that picture from Bushwatch.com

Bushwatch.com is the most informative, intelligent site on the Smirk.
I am amazed at the amount of information that's there.
There is a MOUNTAIN of Smirk information there.
It's a regular Smirkgasborg of Bush information,
and it's not like bartcop.com.
It's intelligent!.

It takes days to read everything Politex has on that page.
For a massive amount of new Bush stories every day,
I recommend bushwatch.com as your number one place to go.

Would I lie?

Visit bushwatch.com


 The Gline

 There is a wild and crazy guy called The Gline
 As you might guess, he has a page at www.thegline.com

 He's a musician and a tinkerer.
 He also created the very first BartCop logo, 
 I guess he has some time on his hands, because he's been going thru
 some old BartCop issues and converting snippets to audio MP3 files.

 Me?
 They say I have a rat-like voice.
 If I ever make the radio shows, you'll know.
 But The Gline has a voice like a big-shot radio announcer.

 If you have an MP3  player, you might get a kick out of these.
 Click on the file and let it download.
 They are very fast downloads, 30 seconds or so with a 56K modem.

 http://www.bartcop.com/gop.mp3

 http://www.bartcop.com/blimp.mp3

 I think they're funny as hell.
 He says he has more coming.


 Obituary

 Thomas Ferebee has died at his home in Windermere, Florida.
 He was 81.
 I'll bet you don't know that name, but he made history

 Ferebee was the fulcrum of the most important minute of the 20th Century.
 He was a bombadier in the Pacific 55 years ago on Col.Paul Tibbets's B-29.
 He was the man who explained to the Japanese on 8/6/45 that sneak attacks
 are a bad, bad thing, and bad, bad things often have severe consequences.

 Ferebee was 26 when he dropped that bomb from the Enola Gay.
 He said he never felt any guilt for his part of the bombing.

 A shot of Chinaco to Paul Tibbets and Thomas Ferebee.
 They saved a lot of American lives that day.


 This Just In...

 NRA opens branch office in Pasadena, Texas, then suddenly closes it.

 That's all the details I have, because my mailbox is temporarily down,
 and I can't get all the instant details from the best source of instant news on the www,
 which is voltai29@geocities.com  until the mail come back.


 Texas Law

 Did you hear about poor little Jayton Tidwell of Houston?
 His arm was torn of by his uncle's Bengal fucking tiger!!

 Poor little bastard stuck his hand in the cage when nobody was watching
 (who are his parents? John and Patsy Ramsey?)
 stupid shit that kids everywhere do, and the tiger just took it off.

 Doctors re-attached the arm, and they say he'll be able to use it,
 but he'll never have "normal" use of it, and it's a safe bet this kid
 won't be a big fan of zoos or the Discovery Channel.

 So, what's my point?
 The uncle got a $500 fine for keeping a dangerous animal without a permit,
 which is a misdemeanor in Texas.

 But if the uncle was at a party on the beach, and passed a joint
 to an undercover policeman, he'd be charged with felony distribution
 of an Oh-so dangerous drug, and probably pay $10,000 goddamn fine
 if he was lucky enough to escape a prison term in Smirk's paradise.

 Some of the laws in this country suck donkey.
 And we can't change them because any politician who would dare to stand up
 for some common-sense drug law reform would be painted as "a druggie"
 and would lose his next election.

 Tell me,
 between a tiger and a joint,
 which is more dangerous?

 Drug Laws SUCK!


 Heaven on Earth

 From:  bluelens@hotmail.com

 Subject: You need to be in DC

 Thought you would be interested in this. Maybe it is time for you to come
 to DC not only because it is where the news is made-up but also this...

 Tequila Tasting at the Mexican Embassy

 Thursday, May 4   7:00pm
 Mexican Embassy's Cultural Center
 2829 16th St NW
 $50 WTA members
 $60 nonmembers

 I know people are remembering their college days and thinking, tequila  tasting, yeah right.
 That just means itís time for you to be educated. There are some wonderful tequilas
 that are actually enjoyable all by themselves - in small quantities of course.
 ha ha
 Some cost more than $500 per bottle! For those who can't handle tequila straight,
 hamana hamana hamana hamana
 My mouth is watering like Bob Dole at Nixon's funeral.

 We'll have margaritas and plenty of non-Mexican wines to taste.
 I've had non-Mexican wines. Some of them are great!
 There will be a Mexican band and plenty of Mexican food. The venue is beautiful inside
 with its unique 40-foot high mural depicting Mexican culture. The dining room, once the
 largest in the city boasts a Bacarat crystal chandelier and hand carved furniture.
 The music room is a replica of a salon at the Fontainebleau castle in France.
 Great fun!

 Bluelens

 Damn, I wish I could go.
 $60 to sample the $500 tequila?
 Double Koresh!

 Attention Big-shot Democrats in Washington DC!
 BartCop available for motivation speeches the first week of May.
 I'll speak for free, you handle airfare and hotel.
 (I prefer the Willard, but lesser is OK, too)


Cunningham Strikes!



March 22, 2000

Was Grabbing Noriega Legal?

I'm not pro-Noriega, but what right did we have
going into Panama and kidnapping their president?

Interesting short article about what a wussy former President Butch is,
and why he's hiding from a man in prison.

Click Here


ha ha


Frenchie

From:  jsw1@hotmail.com

Subject:  Pierre LePew
BC,

How much longer are Wayne LaPierre and friends going to campaign for Gore?
The Democrats couldn't get this kind of prees for their campaigns if they PAID for it.

Is there anyway they can keep provoking LaPew?
This guy is the poster child for right-wing nutcases.

JW

I agree 100 percent, and Rush keeps begging for more LePew!
He keeps saying to win, Smirk must be more right-wing.
We have to remember to thank the Pigboy.

Since he's been a force in radio, since he's been dishing the hate,
the GOP has won one election (1994) out of the last six,
and they're going to lose two more in November.

Pigboy's the best guy on our team


 The Ready & Willing Pigboy

 Bartcop,

 Get the recorder ready.
 At the top of the third hour limbutt is offering to mediate between
 the Butch and McCain camps in order to bring about an unfissured republican party.

 He says "I WILL MASSAGE WHATEVER NEEDS TO BE MASSAGED."

 John M

 ha ha


 Chinaco Update

 Click Here


 Ask BartCop

 From:  jhardin@sbc-adv.com

 Subject: Rush and Bush

 Hola, Bartcop:

 Listening to El-Pigbo today, and just like in 1996,
 he is saying "the Democrats are worried" about Bush.
 Wasn't it conservative conventional wisdom in early 1996 that
 the Democrats were "running scared" of Bob Dole.
 Wasn't Dole going to waltz into the White House over Clinton's
 no-character, draft-dodging, dope-smoking, baby-killing,
 Whitewater-cheating, FBI-file-stealing, travel-office-firing ass?

 And now the Bush campaign is going to focus on Gore's _character_?

 Is it true that one can accurately tell the future by predicting the
 opposite of whatever Rush says?

 jwh
 

 Dear jwh,

 Yes.

 BartCop


 Who Knew Zogby was Funny?

 Poll Shows Americans Want Trigger Lock on NRA's Wayne LaPierre

 ha ha

 He also has some VP poll data.
 Let's take a look

 Bradley was the choice by 28.4% of the Democrats

 No, no, no
 I don't trust him.
 Too much "raceboy" in Bradley.
 Besides, he's an idiot.

 with ex-Maine Senator George Mitchell the second choice at 16.2%,

 Maybe if we were preparing for war with Ireland, but we're not.

 followed by Florida Sen. Bob Graham, 6.7%;

 Never heard of him.
 I have a rule.

 California Sen. Barbara Boxer, 6.0%;

 I don't like her.
 She's related to Clinton, but wasn't forgiving enough for me on impeachment

 Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle 5.9%;
 Louisiana Sen. John Breaux, 5.4%

 I like Daschle and Breaux, but neither is the right man.

 and Indiana Sen. Evan Bayh at 3.9%.

 They say Bayh is good, but I don't know much about him.
 Besides, Bill Richardson has already accepted.
 

 On the Republican side,

 Elizabeth Dole 28.9% was the first choice for GOP vice president

 A baby-killing VP?
 ha ha
 She'd be fun.
 It's been years since I beat up a woman.
 As a widow, she'd get the sympathy vote.

 followed by John McCain (26.9%).

 Great choice, but he'll never agree to be Smirk's cabanaboy.

 In the distance were Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson 5.9%;

 Tennessee Tuxedo for VP?
 He looks the part...
 Is Tennessee crooked enough to be in the GOP?

 New Jersey Gov. Christine Whitman, 5.0%;

 Baby-killer

 New York Gov. George Pataki, 4.6%;

 Baby-killer

 Florida Sen. Connie Mack 3.5%;

 Possible, but Smirk already has Florida, they say.

 Michigan Gov. John Engle at 3.1%

 Everybody hates Engler, that's why Smirk lost Michigan

 and Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge at (2.5%).

 Double-whammy - Baby-killing Catholic

 Smirk needs somebody with foreign policy experience, not a Governor.
 If he needs to call the prime Minister of Canada, Smirk would tell his staff,
 "Get cheese and french toast on the damn phone!"

 Smirk needs somebody who's been tested!
 Somebody who's already been vetted!
 Somebody with experience at the highest levels!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


 

 Please, God, please!

 I can envision the driveway at BartCop manor....
 
 
 
 


 

Please, God!


 Anything Gene Lyons writes is worth reading.

 Click Here


 Clowns Who Kill


 

These idiots say nicotine is not a drug.

Yesterday, they ruled that the federal government went too far in 1996
when the FDA, which stands for Food and DRUG Administration,
ruled that nicotine in tobacco was a drug.

Isn't that just like a group of moron lawyers to tell a group of doctors
that they don't know a drug when they see one?

Most people say nicotine is the most powerful drug they've ever done.
Show me a rock star who was once addicted to heroin, and I'll show you
a man who wishes he had the will power to quit smoking cigarettes.

These five clowns know that 400,000 people die each year from nicotine.
They know that the tobacco companies add nicotine to cigarettes.
They know the tobacco companies add poisonous formaldehyde and ammonia
so the deadly nicotine will get your body hooked faster and stronger.

We know that because the Clinton administration put those killers under oath
and forced them to answer specific questions about which tools they use
to hook people on their killer-drugs so they can make more money.

They fucking know their idiocy will kill people, but they don't care.
This has to be the worst Supreme Court ever, am I right?

We need an amendment that says Supreme Court terms should be limited.
"Appointed for life" is a really stupid system for any position, and that's especially
true for a political handjob like Clarence "Slappy" Thomas.

I hope Gore makes this a campaign issue.
We don't need more Republican appointees like these stupid, stupid clowns.


 Laura - another 13-year old caller.

 That's four in two hours.
 I don't like it.


 An Opportunity

 From: RealNetworks Product Announcements

 Subject: Time running out on special software offers!

 Dear RealNetworks Customer,

 Special introductory pricing is now in effect on a popular new bundle and a
 great new multimedia authoring tool, but as of March 31, both the Media
 Creation Pro bundle and GRiNS Editor Pro for RealSystem(TM) G2 will
 cost you $50 more. Here's a bit more about each:

 Media Creation Pro Bundle - Two great tools allow you to create
 streaming content with audio, video, text and images.
 Special offer: $399 (Reg. price $449)
 

 Y'know, if I was to turn whore, and put and and banners on bartcop.com,
 I could buy this software for $400 and have streaming audio and video.

 Would it be worth it?
 Would you put up with ads and banners for streaming audio and video?
 

 Vote Here


 Funny PictureHere


 Thank You, Robert Ray

 Click Here


 What Does Smirk Have to Hide?

 Click Here  for the clues.

 Thanks to dave@landru.dac.uga.edu


 Update

 Laura the Whore just took her third call from a child in the last 30 minutes.

 I don't like that.
 I don't like it one goddamn bit.
 These kids should have time to learn some normalcy before they learn to hate.


 Clinton is catching a lot of shit for going to Pakistan.
 They say he should ignore them because Pakistan is ruled by a dictator.

 Gee, I wonder if the FACT that Pakistan and India hate each other,
 and they both have nuke-you-ler weapons, to quote the Smirked One,
 and they've been shooting unarmed missles over each other's country
 has anything to do with why Clinton dropped by?

 Goddamn idiot sheep.
 Of course, since they're willing to use the Body of Christ to beat up Clinton,
 I guess I shouldn't be surprised at whatever other excuse they come up with.


 Fun With Smirk's Head (see below)

 From:  guyvf@usa.net

 Subject: Search for "kitty"

 Try this search:  kitty.*

 The first one it comes up with, he says

 "another kitty acquired us last year "

 Either: 1) this is an example of ex-crackhead grammar, or
 2) he obviously does not mind being owned.

 The second, he talks about how he got that kitty.

 " a scrawny, tiny kitty, which had somehow survived the streets of downtown Austin
 and ended up in a tree in the only backyard for miles --the backyard of the Governor's Mansion. "

 That's Texas environmentalism for you.
 No trees for miles around.

 The last one is good:

 " the kitty had six toes "

 Likely caused by the polluted air and water in Austin, like the rest of Texas.
 I can see it now: "Vote for polydactyly!  Vote for Smirk!"


 No Doubt

 Click Here  and check the 5th race


 Make Her Stop

 I continue to dislike Laura's decision to double-up on children.
 In the last 15 minutes, she's had a 13-year old and a 14-year old on her show.
 This drag-the-kids-into-the-hate started about 30 days ago.

 If Laura wants to heap some hate on adults, I wouldn't say anything.
 I listen to her mangle the brain-deads every day.
 But I worry about her passing the hatred to the next generation.
 The only chance this nation has is to grow out of the hate,
 and how can we do that if we infect the children?

 Waaaaaaaay back in Volume 006, I wrote about the KKK K-Drag rally.
 I enjoyed hearing those Nazi's, too, but I didn't like seeing the children there.
 The Head Dragon went out of his way to praise the children that were there,
 "to witness God's work," watching the Klan diss the "niggers."

 Is Laura any different than the Klan?

 Statistically, it's not possible that more kids just happen to call in.
 Ninety days ago, she didn't average a child per day.
 Now she's averaging more than one per hour.

 This is an attempt to infect children, and I don't like it.

 Whore, stop.


 Tramp TV Show Draws Protest

 LOS ANGELES (AP) - Gay rights protesters shouting ``Shame on the Whore,''
 gathered outside Paramount Pictures Tuesday to demand the studio drop plans to
 bring controversial radio fire-c*nt Laura Schlessinger to television this fall.

 The tough-talking slut-whore known as ``Laura,'' who dispenses relationship
 advice on her hate radio show, calls gays ``biological errors'' and ``deviants.''

"When Paramount bought Laura Schlessinger's show, they bought a battle with the gay community,''
 said Joan Garry, executive director of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.
 One of the signs carried by the demonstrators read ``No More Matthew Shepards,''
 a reference to the gay student pistol-whipped to fucking-death in Wyoming in 1998.

 Paramount, which has been slammed by every decent civil rights group, has stood firm,
 and none of the stations signed on to air Schlessinger's show have backed out - yet!

 In a statement, the studio said it was committed to presenting moral and ethical issues
 without ``creating or contributing to an environment of hurt, hate or intolerance.''

 "Aw, Christ. I need a shot of Chinaco after that blatant line of horseshit!!!..."
 was the quote overheard by some.

 Countering the demonstrators were about 75 Schlessinger supporters organized by
 Campaign for California Braindead Ditto-Monkey Families Without a Goddamn Clue,
 a conservative, nonprofit organization.




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