This cartoon is from Dr. Tobor's Media
He just joined the Rush Limbaugh Sucks Webring.
If you have a web page that tells the truth about Pigboy,
and want to join the webring of honesty and accuracy, Click Here.
Tonight - Crossfire promises to be a hot one!
Gene Lyons, partner of my good friend Joe Conason, will battle...
yes, it's Barbara Olson, Finder of the Secret Sauce!
Barbara Olson is all caught up in The Hunting of the President.
She was a spokesman for Kenneth Von Starr, and she allegedly
passed info from Paula Jones's lawyers to Ken Starr, and her
husband was David Hale's lawyer, and it goes on and on.
Joe Conason, my good friend, is a little more aggressive on his feet,
but I'm sure Gene will dispatch Olson, Finder of the Secret Sauce.
Don't miss it!
Begala Shoots the Bull
Today's New York Times has a front-page
story filled with comments from
Republicans, who are openly worried that Rudy has lost his Senate campaign,
if not his marbles. The Times even has this remarkable sentence:
"Mr. Giuliani's advisers said this week that they could not control him
and that they would not have advised him to make such statements."
Even his staff says Rudy's out of control.
Hillary couldn't lose this race if she tried
Rush is Right Again
The University of Wisconsin's Antarctic Meteorological Research
that an iceberg twice the size of Delaware is breaking away from the main continent.
For a picture of this mammoth, Click Here
The polar caps are NOT melting because of global warming.
The polar caps are NOT melting because of global warming.
Rush has guaranteed us that there is no global warming,
and his talent comes from God, so would somebody tell the University of Wisconsin's
Antarctic Meteorological Research Center and their photographic "proof" to stop lying?
Subject: Nintendo-head Republicans
After listening to two glorious years of
El Fat Bastardo, Governor
Cokehead, mach fuhrer Starr and the rest of the arguments for retroactive
abortion in the GOP (the KKK for those who don't like tractor pulls), I'm
literally without words to describe the kind of spinal-reflex idiocy that
seems to not only predominate, but literally own the field. How can these
people not see that they are not only stacking their own pyres, but dowsing
themselves in kerosene and handing Gore and Co. lit torches?
The Captain Ahab comparisons have already
been made, and done to death,
but I don't think they're entirely accurate.
One, Ahab was an interesting and engaging
character with strong points to
balance out his flaws. The clowns in our little comedy of errors, on the other hand,
have the intelligence of carnival geeks and all the warmth of hookworm.
Two, Ahab managed to take his enemy down
with him in the end, whereas the
biggest danger the Gang O'Pigs poses to Clinton or Gore these days is that they
might inadvertently cause them to laugh themselves to death with an increasingly
pathetic array of Hail-Mary political backfires.
I think the problem is a lot more juvenile.
Being a proud child of the
Nintendo generation, I've identified a phenomenon in video gamers I'd like to
call the 'Outmatch Brain'. Basically, this happens whenever you face an
opponent who's just better than you are.
When the match begins, he starts kicking
your ass. First round is over, and you lost.
Second round begins, you pull out all the stops, start cheating and playing really 'cheesy',
and you still lose. Third round begins, the guy hasn't broken a sweat, and you're
screaming at the display, claiming that somethings wrong with your controller,
calling your opponent every epithet that your meager mind can come up with----while
he wipes the floor with you and calls out, 'Next!' And, of course, everyone around you
points and laughs as blood floods your face and you scream yourself into a seizure.
So, I just have a couple of questions. What
are Republicans smoking that makes them act
and think like Tekken-addicted eight year olds, and why haven't I been able to get some?
Alex, write more like that and send it to me...
From the Houston Chronicle
DeLay's Brother Arrested for Beating Woman
(Charles Delay - 1995 File Photo)
A brother of U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay, R-Sugar Land, has been
charged with aggravated assault on his live-in girlfriend.
Charles Ray DeLay, 56, was arrested Tuesday night, his birthday,
at his home in the 3300 block of Box Elder in west Harris County
and held in the County Jail in lieu of $20,000 bail.
The woman, 45, was attacked with a walking stick and treated
facial abrasions and bruises. She said she and DeLay had been drinking.
Emily Miller, a spokeswoman for the congressman, said the brothers
estranged for more than 10 years and do not talk to one another.
An investigator's report said Charles DeLay claims
the "devil" told him to attack the woman.
Drug Laws II
Subject: Insane Clown Posse
Now that the Insane Clown Posse has ruled that the FDA has no
to regulate nicotine, what is next?
Who gets to be the first person to argue that the DEA has no jurisdiction
to regulate marijuana?
Oh wait...the argument that Lard Butt will give is that cigarettes are a LEGAL product.
Well, what gives the FDA the legal jurisdiction over something as relatively harmless as aspirin?
If you need a goddamn prescription to get a hard-on, but can give away Marlboro Lights with each
package of Pokemon cards, what does that say about the logic behind the Supreme Court's decision?
Apparently Bob Dole was right...since the USDA has the right to
regulate milk, but the FDA does NOT
have the right to regulate tobacco, that must mean that milk IS much more dangerous than cigarettes.
Beware of the cows.
Woman Denied Claim on Clinton's Cock
See This Picture?
Great picture, eh?
That little girl speaks for all of us.
Let's hope Smirk doesn't try to kiss her.
I got that picture from Bushwatch.com
Bushwatch.com is the most informative, intelligent site on the Smirk.
I am amazed at the amount of information that's there.
There is a MOUNTAIN of Smirk information there.
It's a regular Smirkgasborg of Bush information,
and it's not like bartcop.com.
It takes days to read everything Politex has on that page.
For a massive amount of new Bush stories every day,
I recommend bushwatch.com as your number one place to go.
Would I lie?
There is a wild and crazy guy called The Gline
As you might guess, he has a page at www.thegline.com
He's a musician and a tinkerer.
He also created the very first BartCop logo,
I guess he has some time on his hands, because he's been going thru
some old BartCop issues and converting snippets to audio MP3 files.
They say I have a rat-like voice.
If I ever make the radio shows, you'll know.
But The Gline has a voice like a big-shot radio announcer.
If you have an MP3 player, you might get a kick out of these.
Click on the file and let it download.
They are very fast downloads, 30 seconds or so with a 56K modem.
I think they're funny as hell.
He says he has more coming.
Thomas Ferebee has died at his home in Windermere, Florida.
He was 81.
I'll bet you don't know that name, but he made history
Ferebee was the fulcrum of the most important minute of the 20th
He was a bombadier in the Pacific 55 years ago on Col.Paul Tibbets's B-29.
He was the man who explained to the Japanese on 8/6/45 that sneak attacks
are a bad, bad thing, and bad, bad things often have severe consequences.
Ferebee was 26 when he dropped that bomb from the Enola Gay.
He said he never felt any guilt for his part of the bombing.
A shot of Chinaco to Paul Tibbets and Thomas Ferebee.
They saved a lot of American lives that day.
This Just In...
NRA opens branch office in Pasadena, Texas, then suddenly closes it.
That's all the details I have, because my mailbox is temporarily
and I can't get all the instant details from the best source of instant news on the www,
which is firstname.lastname@example.org until the mail come back.
Did you hear about poor little Jayton Tidwell of Houston?
His arm was torn of by his uncle's Bengal fucking tiger!!
Poor little bastard stuck his hand in the cage when nobody was
(who are his parents? John and Patsy Ramsey?)
stupid shit that kids everywhere do, and the tiger just took it off.
Doctors re-attached the arm, and they say he'll be able to use
but he'll never have "normal" use of it, and it's a safe bet this kid
won't be a big fan of zoos or the Discovery Channel.
So, what's my point?
The uncle got a $500 fine for keeping a dangerous animal without a permit,
which is a misdemeanor in Texas.
But if the uncle was at a party on the beach, and passed a joint
to an undercover policeman, he'd be charged with felony distribution
of an Oh-so dangerous drug, and probably pay $10,000 goddamn fine
if he was lucky enough to escape a prison term in Smirk's paradise.
Some of the laws in this country suck donkey.
And we can't change them because any politician who would dare to stand up
for some common-sense drug law reform would be painted as "a druggie"
and would lose his next election.
between a tiger and a joint,
which is more dangerous?
Drug Laws SUCK!
Heaven on Earth
Subject: You need to be in DC
Thought you would be interested in this.
Maybe it is time for you to come
to DC not only because it is where the news is made-up but also this...
Tequila Tasting at the Mexican Embassy
Thursday, May 4 7:00pm
Mexican Embassy's Cultural Center
2829 16th St NW
$50 WTA members
I know people are remembering their college
days and thinking, tequila tasting, yeah right.
That just means itís time for you to be educated. There are some wonderful tequilas
that are actually enjoyable all by themselves - in small quantities of course.
Some cost more than $500 per bottle! For those who can't handle tequila straight,
hamana hamana hamana hamana
My mouth is watering like Bob Dole at Nixon's funeral.
We'll have margaritas and plenty of non-Mexican
wines to taste.
I've had non-Mexican wines. Some of them are great!
There will be a Mexican band and plenty of Mexican food. The venue is beautiful inside
with its unique 40-foot high mural depicting Mexican culture. The dining room, once the
largest in the city boasts a Bacarat crystal chandelier and hand carved furniture.
The music room is a replica of a salon at the Fontainebleau castle in France.
Damn, I wish I could go.
$60 to sample the $500 tequila?
Attention Big-shot Democrats in Washington DC!
BartCop available for motivation speeches the first week of May.
I'll speak for free, you handle airfare and hotel.
(I prefer the Willard, but lesser is OK, too)
Was Grabbing Noriega Legal?
I'm not pro-Noriega, but what right did we have
going into Panama and kidnapping their president?
Interesting short article about what a wussy former President Butch
and why he's hiding from a man in prison.
Subject: Pierre LePew
How much longer are Wayne LaPierre and friends
going to campaign for Gore?
The Democrats couldn't get this kind of prees for their campaigns if they PAID for it.
Is there anyway they can keep provoking LaPew?
This guy is the poster child for right-wing nutcases.
I agree 100 percent, and Rush keeps begging for more LePew!
He keeps saying to win, Smirk must be more right-wing.
We have to remember to thank the Pigboy.
Since he's been a force in radio, since he's been dishing the hate,
the GOP has won one election (1994) out of the last six,
and they're going to lose two more in November.
Pigboy's the best guy on our team
The Ready & Willing Pigboy
Get the recorder ready.
At the top of the third hour limbutt is offering to mediate between
the Butch and McCain camps in order to bring about an unfissured republican party.
He says "I WILL MASSAGE WHATEVER NEEDS TO BE MASSAGED."
Subject: Rush and Bush
Listening to El-Pigbo today, and just like
he is saying "the Democrats are worried" about Bush.
Wasn't it conservative conventional wisdom in early 1996 that
the Democrats were "running scared" of Bob Dole.
Wasn't Dole going to waltz into the White House over Clinton's
no-character, draft-dodging, dope-smoking, baby-killing,
Whitewater-cheating, FBI-file-stealing, travel-office-firing ass?
And now the Bush campaign is going to focus on Gore's _character_?
Is it true that one can accurately tell
the future by predicting the
opposite of whatever Rush says?
Who Knew Zogby was Funny?
Poll Shows Americans Want Trigger Lock on NRA's Wayne LaPierre
He also has some VP poll data.
Let's take a look
Bradley was the choice by 28.4% of the Democrats
No, no, no
I don't trust him.
Too much "raceboy" in Bradley.
Besides, he's an idiot.
with ex-Maine Senator George Mitchell the second choice at 16.2%,
Maybe if we were preparing for war with Ireland, but we're not.
followed by Florida Sen. Bob Graham, 6.7%;
Never heard of him.
I have a rule.
California Sen. Barbara Boxer, 6.0%;
I don't like her.
She's related to Clinton, but wasn't forgiving enough for me on impeachment
Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle 5.9%;
Louisiana Sen. John Breaux, 5.4%
I like Daschle and Breaux, but neither is the right man.
and Indiana Sen. Evan Bayh at 3.9%.
They say Bayh is good, but I don't know
much about him.
Besides, Bill Richardson has already accepted.
On the Republican side,
Elizabeth Dole 28.9% was the first choice for GOP vice president
A baby-killing VP?
She'd be fun.
It's been years since I beat up a woman.
As a widow, she'd get the sympathy vote.
followed by John McCain (26.9%).
Great choice, but he'll never agree to be Smirk's cabanaboy.
In the distance were Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson 5.9%;
Tennessee Tuxedo for VP?
He looks the part...
Is Tennessee crooked enough to be in the GOP?
New Jersey Gov. Christine Whitman, 5.0%;
New York Gov. George Pataki, 4.6%;
Florida Sen. Connie Mack 3.5%;
Possible, but Smirk already has Florida, they say.
Michigan Gov. John Engle at 3.1%
Everybody hates Engler, that's why Smirk lost Michigan
and Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge at (2.5%).
Double-whammy - Baby-killing Catholic
Smirk needs somebody with foreign policy experience, not a Governor.
If he needs to call the prime Minister of Canada, Smirk would tell his staff,
"Get cheese and french toast on the damn phone!"
Smirk needs somebody who's been tested!
Somebody who's already been vetted!
Somebody with experience at the highest levels!
Please, God, please!
I can envision the driveway at BartCop manor....
Anything Gene Lyons writes is worth reading.
Clowns Who Kill
These idiots say nicotine is not a drug.
Yesterday, they ruled that the federal government went too far
when the FDA, which stands for Food and DRUG Administration,
ruled that nicotine in tobacco was a drug.
Isn't that just like a group of moron lawyers to tell a group
that they don't know a drug when they see one?
Most people say nicotine is the most powerful drug they've ever done.
Show me a rock star who was once addicted to heroin, and I'll show you
a man who wishes he had the will power to quit smoking cigarettes.
These five clowns know that 400,000 people die each year from
They know that the tobacco companies add nicotine to cigarettes.
They know the tobacco companies add poisonous formaldehyde and ammonia
so the deadly nicotine will get your body hooked faster and stronger.
We know that because the Clinton administration put those killers under
and forced them to answer specific questions about which tools they use
to hook people on their killer-drugs so they can make more money.
They fucking know their idiocy will kill people, but they
This has to be the worst Supreme Court ever, am I right?
We need an amendment that says Supreme Court
terms should be limited.
"Appointed for life" is a really stupid system for any position, and that's especially
true for a political handjob like Clarence "Slappy" Thomas.
I hope Gore makes this a campaign issue.
We don't need more Republican appointees like these stupid, stupid clowns.
Laura - another 13-year old caller.
That's four in two hours.
I don't like it.
From: RealNetworks Product Announcements
Subject: Time running out on special software offers!
Dear RealNetworks Customer,
Special introductory pricing is now in effect
on a popular new bundle and a
great new multimedia authoring tool, but as of March 31, both the Media
Creation Pro bundle and GRiNS Editor Pro for RealSystem(TM) G2 will
cost you $50 more. Here's a bit more about each:
Media Creation Pro Bundle - Two
great tools allow you to create
streaming content with audio, video, text and images.
Special offer: $399 (Reg. price $449)
Y'know, if I was to turn whore, and put and and banners on bartcop.com,
I could buy this software for $400 and have streaming audio and video.
Would it be worth it?
Would you put up with ads and banners for streaming audio and video?
Thank You, Robert Ray
What Does Smirk Have to Hide?
Click Here for the clues.
Thanks to email@example.com
Laura the Whore just took her third call from a child in the last 30 minutes.
I don't like that.
I don't like it one goddamn bit.
These kids should have time to learn some normalcy before they learn to hate.
Clinton is catching a lot of shit for going to Pakistan.
They say he should ignore them because Pakistan is ruled by a dictator.
Gee, I wonder if the FACT that Pakistan and India hate
and they both have nuke-you-ler weapons, to quote the Smirked One,
and they've been shooting unarmed missles over each other's country
has anything to do with why Clinton dropped by?
Goddamn idiot sheep.
Of course, since they're willing to use the Body of Christ to beat up Clinton,
I guess I shouldn't be surprised at whatever other excuse they come up with.
Fun With Smirk's Head (see below)
Subject: Search for "kitty"
Try this search: kitty.*
The first one it comes up with, he says
"another kitty acquired us last year "
Either: 1) this is an example of ex-crackhead grammar,
2) he obviously does not mind being owned.
The second, he talks about how he got that kitty.
" a scrawny, tiny kitty, which had somehow survived the streets
of downtown Austin
and ended up in a tree in the only backyard for miles --the backyard of the Governor's Mansion. "
That's Texas environmentalism for you.
No trees for miles around.
The last one is good:
" the kitty had six toes "
Likely caused by the polluted air and water in Austin, like the
rest of Texas.
I can see it now: "Vote for polydactyly! Vote for Smirk!"
Click Here and check the 5th race
Make Her Stop
I continue to dislike Laura's decision to double-up on children.
In the last 15 minutes, she's had a 13-year old and a 14-year old on her show.
This drag-the-kids-into-the-hate started about 30 days ago.
If Laura wants to heap some hate on adults, I wouldn't say anything.
I listen to her mangle the brain-deads every day.
But I worry about her passing the hatred to the next generation.
The only chance this nation has is to grow out of the hate,
and how can we do that if we infect the children?
Waaaaaaaay back in Volume 006, I wrote about the KKK K-Drag rally.
I enjoyed hearing those Nazi's, too, but I didn't like seeing the children there.
The Head Dragon went out of his way to praise the children that were there,
"to witness God's work," watching the Klan diss the "niggers."
Is Laura any different than the Klan?
Statistically, it's not possible that more kids just happen to
Ninety days ago, she didn't average a child per day.
Now she's averaging more than one per hour.
This is an attempt to infect children, and I don't like it.
Tramp TV Show Draws Protest
LOS ANGELES (AP) - Gay rights protesters shouting ``Shame on the
gathered outside Paramount Pictures Tuesday to demand the studio drop plans to
bring controversial radio fire-c*nt Laura Schlessinger to television this fall.
The tough-talking slut-whore known as ``Laura,'' who dispenses
advice on her hate radio show, calls gays ``biological errors'' and ``deviants.''
"When Paramount bought Laura Schlessinger's show, they bought a battle
with the gay community,''
said Joan Garry, executive director of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.
One of the signs carried by the demonstrators read ``No More Matthew Shepards,''
a reference to the gay student pistol-whipped to fucking-death in Wyoming in 1998.
Paramount, which has been slammed by every decent civil rights
group, has stood firm,
and none of the stations signed on to air Schlessinger's show have backed out - yet!
In a statement, the studio said it was committed to presenting
moral and ethical issues
without ``creating or contributing to an environment of hurt, hate or intolerance.''
"Aw, Christ. I need a shot of Chinaco after that blatant line
was the quote overheard by some.
Countering the demonstrators were about 75 Schlessinger supporters
Campaign for California Braindead Ditto-Monkey Families Without a Goddamn Clue,
a conservative, nonprofit organization.
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