Vol 191 - More and More 
 April 18, 2000

 Honest Feedback

 From:  tweatherred@earthlink.net

 I have to disagree with you about Juan Gonzales listening to Rush.
 He claims to have turned down 2 million dollars, a house, and a job
 offered to him to defect, and the best reason I can come up with is
 that he listens to Rush and Mrs. Bishop.

 If those two were my first impression of this country,
 you couldn't pay me enough to stay, either.

Ted
 

ha ha

Mrs. Bishop?

ha ha

We haven't been there in a while...

Laura the She-Devil has such an ego, she made her husband agree to call
their son Dehhereche Schlessinger instead of Bishop, which is his father's surname.

Give me an honest answer to this:

How much shit would Clinton get, if Chelsea's last name was Rodham?

Repeat:

How much shit would Clinton get, if Chelsea's last name was Rodham?

And it's not that she's a feminist.
Oh, Noooooooooo

It's not about equality or fairness.
This is about Queen Ego getting her way!

Did you know it takes twelve tugboats to dock her ego?
Yeah, they keep Laura's ego in that giant hanger in Long Beach, California
where they kept the Spruce Goose before they shipped it off to Oregon.
They had to widen the hanger 60 feet.

If Laura was a radical feminist, his surname would be Schlessinger-Bishop.
But noooooooooooooooooooo.

Only one person can wear the pants in this family,
and Lou Bishop ain't no Promise Keeper!

...and, because I'm trying to ease up on the bad language,
I won't mention that poor Dehhereche was born a bastard.


U.S. Has Warmest Jan-March Period on Record - NOAA

 (Reuters) - The United States this year had its warmest-ever
 January-to-March period since authorities began keeping records
 106 years ago, government scientists said on Tuesday.

 The latest data also showed temperatures from June 1999 to
 March 2000 were the warmest on record, increasing the likelihood
 of more severe weather in the future, according to the National
 Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA).

``Our climate is warming at a faster rate than ever before recorded,''
 said NOAA administrator James Baker. ``Small changes in global
 temperatures can lead to more extreme weather events,
 including droughts, floods and hurricanes,'' he warned.

NOAA's findings coincided with a draft report just released by the world's
leading climate researchers, who concluded that greenhouse gases
caused by human activity have resulted in global warming.

More lies from the liberal pinhead academic elitists?
Rush put his reputation on the line, said this was a hoax.

...and God is financing the talent, so Rush is right again.

The temperatures are getting warmer and the poles are melting
because the Earth is NOT getting warmer!

Ice always melts when it's not getting warmer.


 Say the Secret Word, a Duck Drops Down
 

 From:  jcolwel2@ford.com

 Subject: Dick Morris

 Watching Hannity and Colmes last night,

 Morris offered this advice to Gov. Bush and the Republicans:
 Do NOTHING but say "Will you pardon Bill Clinton?"
 to Al Gore from now until election day.

 So George W. is going to win by saying, "Will you pardon Bill Clinton?"
 to Al Gore 5,000 times?  Is Morris a double-double agent, helping Al Gore by
 pretending to hate the Democrats and then telling Republicans to engage in the
 silliest strategy since Viagra Bob quit the Senate to prove he's just a regular guy?

 I am confused, can you help me understand if Morris is friend or foe?

 Joe

 Joe,
 With apologies to my friend Barbra, Morris is a whore.
 He was working for Trent Lott while working for Clinton.
 Clinton knows he's a whore, but he and I both think Morris is a very smart man.
 Toe-sucker and all, he thinks of things that others miss and that makes him valuable.
 He's on nobody's side but his wallet's.

 As far as the "pardon" strategy, if Smirk had any brains at all,
 ha ha
 he'd avoid that word like the plague.

 The very, very, very, very last thing he wants is pardon-talk.
 If I was Smirk, I'd rather talk about alcohol and cocaine than pardons.
 It's like being in court: Once Smirk says the "P" word, Gore is free to ask
 Smirk's opinion of his Daddy burying the Iran-Contra crimes BEFORE we got
 the truth about who, exactly, committed multiple felonies with our enemies.

 Gore is a prize fighter.  During the debates, his corner will tell him,
 "When Smirk throws the pardon, counter with the crimes of Reagan/Butch."

 Ross Perot went a few rounds with Gore and left politics.
 Dan Quayle went a few rounds with Gore and lost everything.
 Jack Kemp went a few rounds with Gore and hasn't been heard from since.

 Morris is thinking with his wallet, so he wants Gore to win.


True Mail

From:  janetofavalon@hotmail.com

Subject: Sign that McCain knows he's the G.O.P. nominee

Dear Bartcop,

John McCain must be anticipating to be the G.O.P. nominee.
I see that he is going to Carolina to denounce the confederate flag.
I guess Gore won't be able to use that issue against him in the fall.

Janet


 From: Barb M

 Subject: Language

 Hello BartCop,

 I want to share with you that I enjoy reading your site.
 I do have one small concern, though.
 Some of the oomph gets lost in all of the "whore"/"fuck" language.
 I would love to send a link to your site to numerous friends,
 but I can't because they would have trouble seeing past the foul language,
 which, by the way, smacks of the way my teenage son talks with his friends
 when they think adults can't hear them.

 I'm not saying obscenities aren't useful, but when they are peppered so
 liberally, it cuts down on your audience, which is too bad.

 Sincerely,

 A fan
 

 Barb,
 Thanks for the letter.
 I know you mean it.
 You have a point.
 I could use "better" language.
 I could take out the fucks, and the goddamns and the whores.
 I could also remove the nudity, and the hells and damns.
 I could lose some of the outrage and add some get-along.
 I could use my head a little more, and my heart a little less.
 I could take the proper approach more often.

 But I'd like to make two points.
 The friends with whom you cannot share bartcop.com,
 do they have HBO?

 It's my opinion I "work" cleaner than Dennis Miller, Chris Rock,
 Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, George Carlin and other masters of comedy.
 It's not my intention to copy them, although Damon Wayans once said,

"If you haven't stolen from Richard Pryor, you're probably not very funny."

 Right now I could quote a line from every one of those great comics
 that I'd never use on this website. To prove it, I'll give you just one.
 Do your friends enjoy George Carlin?
 On his last special, Carlin said someone "smells like an anchovy's cunt."

 I would never go that far, but Carlin does.
 He's comfortable with that language, I'm not.
 I only printed that to show that there is some restraint here.

 My second point - the Inhofe story below?
 That bastard making a joke like that just hours after 168 people died
 makes me want to scream "Mother-fucker!" at the top of my lungs,
 but I rarely do.

 Sure, I could've said "It was inappropriate for Senator Inhofe to mock those
 fellow-Oklahomans who were just murdered in a terrorist attack,"  but I
 get angry just thinking about that son-of-a-bitch Pissquik and his "jokes."

 (calmly...)
 (deep breath...)

 You noticed that there are no banners currently on bartcop.com
 I talked to several ad companies about banners, in an attempt to expand,
 but they said they could not do business with me because of my content.

 That's OK.

 My content is my content.
 I'm not going to suit up for a few bucks, or for a lot of bucks.
 Making money is one thing,
 but changing what I say for money would make me a whore!
 I'll unplug my computer before I turn whore.

 I promise I don't think I'm in their league, but Bruce, Pryor, Carlin and others
 lost gigs and lived in their cars, or worse, because they wanted to be free
 to say what was in their heart. This web site will either live or die the way it is,
 and I'll live with the result either way.

 If this site was about the St Louis Rams, or the Grand Canyon or Route 66,
 the language would be much different. Strong language isn't needed there.
 "The goddamn team scored a fucking touchdown" is stupid-talk.

 But I'm fighting with whites-only, let's-hang-the-gays Nazi-pigs.
 I'm trying to show how wrong they and their backward ideas are.
 Sometimes I get a little worked up.

 Forgive me.


 In case I forget:

 Five years ago tomorrow, a reporter asked Senator Pissquik,
 "How many federal workers were in the Murrah building?"

 What did that son-of-a-bitch say?

"It depends on how many were playing hookey."

 The hate that oozes from the rank-and-file Republican is hard to believe.
 Inhofe, Reagan, the vulgar Pigboy, McVeigh, Delay, Jerry Falwell, Laura

 How can anybody tell them apart?


 From: Nels@Kanza.Net

 Subject: The real truth

 It is easy to see by your page that you are just like all libs. & can't
 stand the truth. Keep up the spin, the public is starting to see what you
 libs are up to, that is to try and hide the truth.

 Nels in Kansas City
 

 Nels, you forgot three things:
 1 - All I do is a bunch of name-calling
 2 - Rush is a great American
 3 - BartCop is an ignoranc maroon.

 Let me ask you - if our side is trying to hide the truth,
 why is Eisenhower the last Republican President
 who was not sprayed by the pardon skunk?

 Hmmmmm?


 Defense Wins Update

 From:mr911@hotmail.com

 Subject: Clearing history in IE

 For IE, the process is View -> Internet Options,
 and the history settings can be changed under the "General" tab.

 Nate
 

 Nate,

 You may have just saved somebody's job.


Thanks to Bob Loonsbury


 Defense Always Wins

 I heard someone say that 55 percent of employers check their
 employee's computers to see where they've been surfing.

 If you have Netscape, hit "Edit" then "Preferences," then "Navigator."
 Click "Clear History," and "Clear Location Bar," to hide your footprints.
 each day before you go home, just to be safe.

 You can also lower the amount of days for your history memory.

 Maybe someone who knows Explorer could offer similar tips?


 The Sky is Falling

 From:  jsw1@hotmail.com

 God-damn it!
 The Dow is down 73 points today!
 Damn Bill Clinton!
 Bill Clinton has had absolutely nothing to do with this 8 year long economic
 miracle that we've been going through. But if Bill Clinton wants to except
 the credit for this fantastic run that the economy had gone through, then fine!

 Then he better take the blame for this dip in the Dow.
 Bill Clinton IS TO BLAME for this dip in the Stock Market.
 This is MY 401K plan that's going in the toilet. And if all those liberals out there
 want to give credit for Bill Clinton for this economy, they better be ready to
 blame him for this recession we're about to go into.
 As I write this the Dow is now up 205 points...

 oops!

 You know...the reason that the economy is so strong
 is because the Republicans are in control of Congress.

 Jeff Williams

 (Ediotr's Note: ha ha   You had me going for a minute there.
   Just to be patriotic, for lunch, I bought 15 shares of AOL.)
 

 P.S.  I have it on good sources that ABC Monday Night Football will
 announce that they have chosen Rush Limbaugh to co-anchor their
 broadcasts with Al Michaels. They will also announce their new slogan...
 "ABC Monday Night Football: putting the pig back in pigskin."

 ha ha


 Stupid, Stupid El Pigbo Quotes
 (speaking on the issue of gun control, Rush just said)

 "Why is it that you want to pass laws to make the government
   do things that you ought to be doing in your own home?"

 Let's get this straight:

 The GOP wants government-sponsored prayer,
 but they think gun control should be left to the parents?

 They can't be this stupid - they just can't be.


 Links

 If you'd like to see a web page similar to bartcop.com  except it's
 written with much more intelligence, check out  Steve's Political Page.

 He has a daily refutation of the Porked One.


 He's a One Man Bay of Pigs

 "I can guarantee you Elian's Dad listens to my show."
  -- Hate Boy, first hour.
 

 Gee Rush, considering you're doing everything in your power
 to separate that father from his son, it's, ...it's, ...it's so LOGICAL
 that he'd want to listen to your hate speech, yeah, that's logical...


 Shooting Update

 From: ByrneB@CTT.com

 Subject: senior citizen shooting.
 

 BartCop,
 that shooting in suburban Detroit?

 What I want to know is,
 WHERE WERE THE PARENTS?

 Brendan Byrne




 Five Years Ago Today...

 Tim Government-is-the-Problem McVeigh loaded his truck
 and sped south on Interstate 35 towards Oklahoma City.





 Ask BartCop

 From: ruckfush@n2mischief.com

 Subject: Ask Bartcop

 Hola, BC:

 I was just sitting here, enjoying the reverie brought on by my big,
 smokey treat, when it occurred to me that the reich-wing _wants_
 the economy to tank, because
 a) it would tarnish Clinton's legacy and
 b) it would hurt Gore's chances come November.

 Since the GOP has already proven they would rip holes in the
 Constitution to grab at Clinton's cock, would it be too crazy to think
 they would wreck the economy in a Get-Clinton inspired mania?

 Ruck
 

 Dear Ruck,

 My reply is no.

 BartCop


 Parody Site Beats Back Smirk Machine

 Click Here


 This Just In...

 NRA opens branch office in Senior Citizen Center south of Detroit.

 More as details come in...


 Ask BartCop

 From: sniper@cei.net

 Subject: Yet another thought

 When Clinton was running for president, the GOP called him an "absentee Governor."
 Since Smirk is rarely in Texas, is he an "absentee Governor?"

 Sonny
 

 Dear Sonny,

 Yes.

 BartCop


 Just a reminder...

 George Bush is not going to be the Republican nominee.


 Great Latino Quotes

 "I, myself, am a father, and Elian deserves to be with his father.
  I'd resort to whatever means to be with my son - even violence."
    -- Paul Rodriguez, a comic who'd not kidding.


 How smoggy is it in Houston right now?

 How many elderly people won't see tomorrow because Smirk has
 allowed Houston to have the dirtiest, unbreatheable air in America??

 Click Here

 Thanks to Politex at bushwatch.com

 While you're there, check Bush's Whitewater,
 discovered by Gene Lyons and my good friend Joe Conason.


 Remember the great "I'm a Nazi" song Rush sings?

 There's now a German version:

 http://members.xoom.com/wmktong/bootnewt/einnazi.htm


From Salon.com

Paula Jones: rock-and-roll groupie?

The word out of Arkansas is that the twangy-voiced presidential accuser is
spending a little too much time lurking around backstage at concerts in Little Rock.

Jones has been spotted mooning around the likes of Willie Nelson
and Bruce Springsteen, and a source tells me that, just last week,
she was hanging around behind the scenes at a sold-out KISS
concert "wearing a skin-tight leather mini-skirt and a very low-cut
blouse and toddling on high heels."

ha ha

Good luck, Paula!
Any man who "dates" you better have a great lawyer.

And those rockers?
They're not looking for sexual intercourse, Paula.
They're looking for something your husband told reporters you won't do,
and they're looking for that from girls who are PRETTY!.

(And the Republicans keep asking why NOW wasn't interested in helping
 this "poor woman" when she tried to blackmail the White House.)

Good luck, Paula.


 VCR Alert

 Tonight on A&E's Biography - the updated Laura Harpy biography.


 (Click on Photo)

For a woman who wrote the book on TEN STUPID THINGS WOMEN DO
TO MESS UP THEIR LIVES, Laura has made her share of mistakes.
We explore what went wrong with Laura's first marriage,
why she hasn't spoken to her mother in more than a decade,
and how those nude (old) pictures of Laura wound up on the Internet. .

(Ediotr's note: I hope my name isn't mentioned.)


 Here's Something  to get your motor running.

 ha ha

 What's more fun than politics?



April 17, 2000

 Mail Bag

 This horseshit showed up in my mailbox.
 This is another example of why the GOP is going to lose this year, too.
 As a party, they are so willing to wallow in the mud and make stuff up,
 rather than come up with a better message than
 "More Guns, More Tobacco, More God and Less Education."
 

 Friends

 I was sent this by a friend of mine...remember to vote in November, please.
 (Yeah - we will.)

"A special thanks to those who voted for Clinton-Gore"

 As I was making a run to the Post Office the other day,
 I patiently waited for a car to vacate a parking space near
 the door. As the rear of the vehicle came toward me, I
 noticed a bumper sticker that read, in big, bold letters,
 "THANK ME. I VOTED CLINTON-GORE."

 Of course, the bumper sticker was printed in response
 to an earlier sticker that adorned some automobiles six
 years ago. Back then, as President Bill and Hillary were
 attempting to nationalize health care and play havoc with
 the discipline and fiber of the military, "Don't Blame Me.
 I voted for Bush" was the message on many bumpers.

 Pondering the message of the brave, stubborn soul in the
 car ahead of me, I considered all the things I could be
 thankful for as a result of the Clinton-Gore regime.
 I discovered that my list is long.

 THANK YOU for introducing me to Gennifer Flowers,
 Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky and about two dozen other
 names that I might not have met and known otherwise.

 No, Scaife paid "reporters" to dig up women who were willing
 to sell their dignity, and the tabloids gave us Gennifer Flowers.
 Paula Jones was produced by the right-wing evangelists
 and Monica was a Republican-produced "scandal."
 Something you need to be reminded of again and again and again:
 Clinton wanted Monica HIDDEN.
 It was Newt and Delay who wanted to make Monica famous.
 Go ahead and just try to deny that.

 THANK YOU for allowing a war hero and the author of
 one of the most successful military campaigns in history to
 leave the presidency, because, no  matter how successful he
 was, you, in all your moral outrage, just couldn't tolerate
 someone who would lie to the American people by promising
 "no new taxes' and then going back on his word. You
 certainly couldn't have liar in the White House, could you?

 Bush wasn't "allowed" to leave the White House.
 His incompetent ass was fired by the voters.

 Bush was successful?
 At what?
 Getting us involved in wars?

 Right now, how many thousands of men have Gulf War Syndrome?
 You're right about one thing - we can't have a liar in the White House.
 Remember when Dole said, "It's the White House or Russell, Kansas?"
 That was a big, fat lie.
 He never, ever had any intention of seeing Kansas again.

 Bush lied constantly while in office.
 "I was out of the loop" when Reagan sold missles to Big Terror!!
 Everybody knows that was a lie.

 THANK YOU for showing all the men and women in America that sexual
 harassment in the work place, and on the job, is okay as long as it involves
 powerful middle age executives and the young women half their age under
 their power. It is, after all, a "private matter."

 No, Hardon Kenneth says Monica pursued him.
 Or don't you believe Starr?
 Welcome to the club.

 THANK YOU for revealing that the agenda of the National
 Organization of Women only includes some women. Women
 like Anita Hill, and not women like Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, etc.

 Anita Hill didn't spend the night of her accusation in a $2500 suite
 paid for by corrupt religious fakers.

 Paula Jones ran into the spotlight screaming
 "I'm the Paula in that artcile that nobody has read."
 Funny, she didn't make the accusation until she saw dollar signs.

 Added bonus:
 Professor Hill never spread her legs for a camera, like Paula did.

 ...and Monica only needed protection from Hardon Kenneth.

 THANK YOU for allowing us to come to the realization that
 "sexual relations" is not clearly defined after all.  Funny, all these years,
 I thought that oral sex really had something to do with sex.

 A famous fat man once said, "Words mean things."
 Look up "sexual relations" in a dictionary, read it out loud.
 Besides, nobody ever asked Clinton,
 "Does oral sex have anything to do with sex?"

 THANK YOU for giving us a president who discusses his
 choice of underwear with teenagers. I always wondered if
 presidents wore boxers or briefs.

 We'll give you that one. It's your first.

 THANK YOU for installing a man who reminds me of those
 good old days of pot smoking (without inhaling) and war
 protesting.  (Us Viet Nam vets especially love him for this)

 Non sequiter.

 THANK YOU for showing me that the ridiculous plot of the
 movie, "Wag the Dog," could really be plausible after all.

 No, Reagan showed us that when he invaded Grenada to distract
 the public from his disasterous Lebanon mistake that killed 220 Marines.
 Don't you know anything about anything?

 And you claim to be a veteran?

 You don't care about the 220 dead Marines and you don't care
 about the thousands of men with Gulf War Syndrome.
 All you know is that Clinton is a bad, bad man.

 THANK YOU for re-introducing the concept of "impeachment"
 to a new generation that missed the discussion surrounding
 it the last time it was brought up.

 There you go again - trying to saddle Clinton with the mistakes
 made by the Ditto-Monkey 105th Congress.
 Remember, tie a goddamn string on your finger if you have to,
 Bob Barr drew up impeachment papers before there was a Monica.

 Before the "crime" of Monica, they knew they were going to impeach,
 they just hadn't decided on the "crime" yet.

 THANK YOU for curing me of my addiction to the evening news.

 All Clinton ever wanted to do was be president and get a little oral sex.
 Your friends, the Republicans, made oral sex dinner conversation.

 THANK YOU for reminding me that the government that gave us
 The Internal Revenue Service and the welfare state, also
 lust for control of the greatest health care system in the world.

 Aspirin in a hospital costs $88 because the system is broke.
 Clinton fixed everything but health care.
 If your side hadn't screamed "no more doctors,"
 health care would be as well off as the economy right now.

 THANK YOU for reminding me that the FBI, who has files
 on millions of Americans, can give those files to people
 powerful enough to demand them.

 Robert Ray, Starr's "finisher" said that was a clerical error, nothing more.
 You don't believe Starr, so you won't believe Ray, right?

 THANK YOU for reminding me that, when all is said and done,
 character really, really doesn't matter.

 The only person that ever said that was the vulgar Pigboy.
 No Democrat ever said those words.

 THANK YOU for making Dan Quayle look like a Rhodes Scholar.
 THANK YOU for making Jimmy Carter look competent.
 THANK YOU for making Gerald Ford look graceful.
 THANK YOU for making Richard Nixon look honest.
 THANK YOU for making Lyndon Johnson look truthful.
 THANK YOU for making John Kennedy look moral.

 Cute, but meaningless.
 Let's just say that all the people who think Quayle is smarter than Clinton
 are going to vote for Smirk in November.

 THANK YOU for reminding me of the importance of term limits.

 Tell that to Steve Largent, the super-Christian who just
 broke his promise to do three terms and return to Oklahoma.

 And THANK YOU that, if it were not for you, instead of all the interesting
 discussion spread all over the television networks and newspapers for months
 and months, I would have been forced to focus on a whole slew of trivial matters like:
 giving secrets to China in exchange for campaign contributions,

 Problem: Bob Novak says that never happened: Click Here

 global defense,

 Global defense?
 From the Martians, you mean?
 Our national defense is fine, thanks to Clinton.

 the economy,

 Oh, please!
 It couldn't be any better.
 What's wrong with you?

 nuclear weapons in North Korea,

 They had those during Reagan/Bush.

 genocide in Africa and Kosovo,

 Oh, no you don't.
 Everytime Clinton helps some third world nation,
 you ditto-monkeys scream like stuck little piggies.

 the containment of terrorism,

 Take away "government is the problem" Tim McVeigh
 and the NRA opening their branch offices and we're pretty safe.

 and all those other boring topics.
 (Good thing we Americans had something amusing to divert our attention, eh?)

 YOUR SIDE holds hearings on every non-issue that didn't happen.
 To hear you tell the tale, Clinton is guilty of something.
 If that's true, why is he still in the White House?
 He's never even been censured, you idiot.

 Since Clinton-Gore took office, the following things have happened:

 72 House and Senate witnesses to the Clinton-Gore scandals
 have taken the Fifth Amendment.

 I don't believe you - name them.

 17 witnesses have fled the country to avoid testifying.

 Please name the born-in-America witnesses who have fled the country.

 19 foreign witnesses have refused to be interviews by US investigative bodies.

 That would be Watermelon Dan Burton's committee?

 19 have been charged in Whitewater investigations.

 A charge is an accusation. The ditto-monkey 105th Congress has accused
 Clinton of every crime in every book - and found nothing but consensual sex.

 4 have been convicted in Whitewater investigations.

 No, two were - the McDougals.
 Hubbell was charged with overbilling clients and Jim Guy Tucker
 was found guilty of a fraudulent water and sewer project scam.

 8 are serving prison time in Whitewater investigations.

 How goddamn stupid can you be?
 Four were convicted, but eight did time?
 Koresh!
 Are you Catholic?

 55 people have been charged in the Clinton-Gore scandals.

 A - Horseshit, name them
 B - another accusation from the 105th Ditto-monkey congress.

 32 people have been convicted (so far) in these scandals.

 Horseshit, horseshit, horseshit.
 Name them.

 14 people are serving prison time (so far) in these scandals.

 There you go again.
 First you said 4 convictions, and 8 sentences.
 Now it's up to 14?

 There were 938 overnight stays at the White House for supporters.

 Is that another "accusation?"

 The cost of Ken Starr's two year investigation.......$48 million.
 The cost of Clinton's ten day trip to China.............$49 million.

 ha ha

 The results of Starr's investigation = fewer Republicans
 The results of Clinton's foreign policy = peace and prosperity.

 THANK YOU for a most interesting seven full years of
 "the most ethical administration in the history of the Republic"

 If you would pull your hands out of your pants and learn to count,
 you'll discover Reagan and Bush both had more staffers go to prison
 than Clinton (1, Hubbell, and that was for pre-Clinton "crimes.")
 

 ...and if's been as bad as you claim,
 if Clinton is soooooo crooked and incompetent,
 why not suspend the 22nd Amendment
 and see if our boy can win a third term?


 Nasdaq has Biggest Point Gain Ever!

 I feel so sorry for El Pigbo and the Smirk family.
 They were hoping the economy would crash, but no.
 The Clinton economy is too strong.

 ha ha

 Eat it, GOP.


 Did you hear the vulgar Pigboy last Friday?

 He read an e-mail on the air that, in part, sounds like I might've written it.
 The vulgar Pigboy lost all control and said something he had to apologize for.
 I didn't get the apology on tape, but I got the "offensive" language.

 Click Here  to hear just the bad word.

 Click Here  to hear the letter and the response.

 Click Here  for no damn reason.


 Great American Quotes

 "I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air,
 an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt.

 It doesn't actually hurt,
 but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle."
  -- Molly Ivins


Secretary of the Treasury Lawrence Summer was on This Weak
Here's a question he was asked, and his answer.

ROBERTS: Monday morning when everybody gets
                     up and starts trading, whatís going to happen?

SUMMERS: Iím in no position to make predictions.

Maybe this guy's good at crunching numbers, but he's a zero on TV.
What he could have said was:

SUMMERS: Cokie, thanks to the Clinton-Gore administration,
we have the best economy in our entire history of our country.
All of the fundamentals are as solid as a rock.
America should wake up Monday morning and buy stock in America.
It's the safest bet in the world.

But no, he's "in no position to make predictions."


 Remember when I was in Durango in October?
 I felt like a milk shake, so I pulled into the Durango Arby's and asked
 for a small chocolate shake with an extra shot of chocolate.

 After a few minutes, the idiot hands me my shake,
 and a asecond cup with a shot of chocolate syrup in it.

 Swear to Koresh.
 Is there something about ice cream places that makes people stupid?

 Flash-forward to two days ago.
 K-Drag has a new frozen custard drive-in.
 It's not as good as Ted Drewes Frozen Custard in St Louis, but it'll do.

 Saturday, me and Mrs. BartCop drove over for a hot fudge sundae.
 I like mine plain - just the fudge and the custard.
 Mrs. BartCop likes the works - whipped cream, pecans and the cherry.

 I ordered and paid, and as he's handing the two sundaes to me,
 he points to mine and says, "This is the one with just the fudge on it."

 Swear to Koresh.

 ...and speaking of people with mental difficulties:

 Back in January, when Clinton was about to deliver his State of the Union speech,
 Rush told his ditto-monkeys to get some cardboard and some tape and a felt pen
 and write "This man is a liar," on the cardboard and tape it on the TV to remind
 the ditt-for-brains that President Bill Clinton was a bad, bad man.

 I wonder how many hundreds of thousands of did that?
 If you can't keep a single thought in your head without a sign to remind you,
 then maybe you really do have the brains of a chimp.

 Speaking of the brain of a chimp, did you see George Will on This Weak?
 He was talking about Elian and Gore's reaction, and he said this:

 GEORGE WILL: The danger to Al Gore is it does under score the
 perception some people have that heís pure appetite, straight through.
 And that he so hungers for the job that heíll not only say anything,
 but he will sacrifice whatever principle he held the week before.

 I said to Mrs. BartCop "This dumbass is more stupid than a chimp."
 Then I remembered I hadn't read this month's Brill's Content,
 published by my good friend, Steven Brill.

 Sidebar:
 I wrote to Brill and invited him to check out  bartcop.com
 He wrote back, "I will," and there's been nothing since.
 I guess he didn't think it was very funny.

 Brill's Content has many, many good articles and features, but my favorite is
 Chippy the Chimp!
 Chippy the Chimp is smarter than George Will, and I have proof!
 Here's Chippy with a list of pundits and their accuracy percentages.

 Look here!

 Chippy is smarter than those last four Republican ditto-monkeys!
 It's not insulting enough to say the Republicans have the brains of a chimp,
 because they obviously do NOT have the brains of a chimp.


 Kathy Lee

 From: XaThega@aol.com

 Subject: Kathie Lee

 Bart,
 I'm sitting here listening to Howard Stern playing a tape of
 Kathie Lee Gifford doing an infomercial--with daughter Cassidy
 sitting there telling her she's "pretty," etc.
 It's disgusting.
 I've often wondered what your opinion of Kathie Lee is.
 Is she not one of the biggest whores since Doc Hairpie?

 Yes, and she dresses like one.
 Look at this tramp!
 Those kids are growing up "funny."


 Ted Nugent's Worst Nightmare

 From: sabutai@ix.netcom.com

 Subject: Euro English

 The European Commission has just announced an agreement
 whereby English will be the official language of the European Union
 rather than German, which was the other possibility.

 As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government conceded that
 English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

 In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this
 will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be
 dropped in favour of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and
 keyboards kan have one less letter.

 There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when
 the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make
 words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter.

 In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
 expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
 possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters
 which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre
 that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and
 it should go away.

 By the 4th yer peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th'
 with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o'
 be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors
 be aplid to oza kombinations of letas.

 After ziz fifz yer ve vil have a rali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
 mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu anderstand ech
 oza. Ze drem of an united urop vil finali kum tru!


 Celebrity Mail

 Bart,
 It's been a while. How have you been?
 I see you're still giving that Rush Limbaugh a bad time - good!
 He deserves it.
 I really like your new front page, but I miss Tom Delay dancing.
 I see your hits are up, or are you just padding your counter again?  LOL

 As long as I've known you, I had no idea you were into older women.
 Christie Brinkley is what now, 55? 60?
 I thought what Christie wrote about Rebecca only making $3000 a day
 was really funny.  I remember Christie bragging once that she made
 $2500 one day. But, of course, that was back in the sixties.

 I like your patriotic theme.
 You are a good American.
 I've attached my contribution.

 Niki Taylor


 

 Niki,
 Now, now... You know Christie is only 46.
 You supermodels are so catty to each other.

 I'll call you from Vegas,
 bc



April 16, 2000

 Subject: Tequila and Chocolate

 From: John_L._Payton@UP.COM

 Hey there, BC.

 I ordered from The South's Finest Chocolate their sugar-free sampler,
 because my wife is diabetic and because you recommended their other products.

 She stated that it was easily the best sugar-free chocolates she had ever tasted.
 Some of the selections even rivaled conventional chocolates. So I'll be getting more.
 They owe my business to you, and I made sure that they knew it.

 Second verse: I do not drink tequila.
 I like dark beers, and Scotch (not at the same time).

 All the same, a local restaurant in St. Charles MO (Chevy's in case you plan
 another visit) has a tequila club, and I finally decided to see if your taste in
 liquor is as good as your taste in chocolate.

 Great Shades of Elvis.
 Chinaco Anejo is, indeed, liquid gold. Very smooth in the mouth,
 easy to swallow, with a lovely burn all the way down.

 I'm going to cc this letter to both companies.
 Thanks for recommending them.

 John


          Please allow me to introduce myself
          I'm a man of wealth and taste
          I've been around for a long, long year
          Stole many a man's soul and faith
          And I was 'round when Jesus Christ
          Had his moment of doubt and pain
          Made damn sure that Pilate
          Washed his hands and sealed his fate

          Pleased to meet you
          Hope you guess my name
          But what's puzzling you
          Is the nature of my game

          I stuck around St. Petersberg
          When I saw it was a time for a change
          Killed the Czar and his ministers
          Anastasia screamed in vain

          I rode a tank
          Held a general's rank
          When the Blitzkrieg raged
          And the bodies stank

          Pleased to meet you
          Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
          What's puzzling you
          Is the nature of my game, oh yeah

          I watched with glee
          While your kings and queens
          Fought for ten decades
          For the Gods they made

          I shouted out
          "Who killed the Kennedys?"
          When after all
          It was you and me

          Let me please introduce myself
          I'm a man of wealth and taste
          And I laid traps for troubadors
          Who get killed before they reached Bombay

          Pleased to meet you
          Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
          But what's puzzling you
          Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby

          Pleased to meet you
          Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
          But what's confusing you
          Is just the nature of my game

          Just as every cop is a criminal
          And all the sinners Saints
          As heads is tails
          Just call me Lucifer
          'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

          So if you meet me
          Have some courtesy
          Have some sympathy, and some taste
          Use all your well-learned politesse
          Or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah

          Pleased to meet you
          Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
          But what's puzzling you
          Is the nature of my game, um baby, get down
          Woo, who
          Oh yeah, get on down

          Tell me baby, what's my name
          Tell me honey, baby guess my name
          Tell me baby, what's my name
          Tell you one time, you're to blame

          Ooo, who, who
          Ooo, who, who
          Oh, yeah

          What's my name
          Tell me, baby, what's my name
          Tell me, sweetie, what's my name

          Ooo, who, who
          Ooo, who, who
          Ooo, who, who
          Oh, yeah


 Update

 I have yet to hear from the Smirk Campaign.
 I recently "donated" $1000 to Smirk with a made-up credit card number.

 Either the donation "bounced," or somebody donated some money
 to the Smirk Cowboy who didn't intend to,  - sorry, Dude.

 Do they have so much money
 that a $1000 contribution doesn't count?

 Or are they so goddamn inept,
 they can't find me,
 even tho I gave them
 my real work phone number
 and proper e-mail address?

 Proper e-mail address?
 Oh, no...

 You don't think they looked up  bartcop.com
 and realized they got hosed and dropped it, do you?

 Damn...
 

 Wouldn't all of you,
 even my staunchest allies,
 like to see me in a good legal fight?

 Koresh knows I'm trying.

 I don't know what other words I could use
 and still maintain some female readership...

 Wait! I know!
 This could get me sued!

 ha ha

 This next eargasm (cough) is NOT for the women.
 This is the audio from the secret, hidden video that a hand
 sent me from Paul Harvey's horse-breeding ranch.

 Yes, this is the most explosive video ever!
 ...and I can't show it to anybody!

 Not Perkel, not the pillars, not Tamara Baker, not Voltai - nobody,
 but you can hear the audio.

 And if you listen very hard,
 and I mean very heard,
 you can hear the man who said the Clintons murdered 40 people.

 Repeat: This is for the men only!

 Paul Harvey, you deserve every bit of this...

  Click Here  to hear Paul Harvey and his date.
   (very small file)


 Great GOP Quotes

 "This Elian Gonzales problem is Bill Clinton's fault.
   His administration wants this matter determined legally.
   He refuses to look at the best interests of the boy."
   -- Senator Connie Mack (R-Panderer)
 

 ha ha

 Clinton wants to do things legally,
 and we have figure out how to stop him!!!

 ha ha

 Clinton is too legal?

 Impeach him!!!

 ha ha


 Lying Pigboy!

 Rush is screaming at Hillary for bringing guns into schools

 He said Hillary visited some school, somewhere, and her Secret Service
 people were armed, so that means Hillary brought guns to school!

 Pigboy, you are just a lousy human being,you know that?

 Last week, Governor Blow Monkey visited a school somewhere.
 It was a Catholic school, he was trying to show people that he doesn't
 hate Catholics as much as everybody thinks.

 Were Smirk's bodyguards armed?
 You can bet your infected ass they were!

 Isn't that just like a lying, Nazi whore?

 Screaming at Hillary for bringing guns to school when
 Smirk is doing the EXACT same thing every damn day.
 President Reagan never once entered a school or a church without
 armed Secret Service, so what's your point, you lying pig?

 (Had to enter this into the record to be archived)


 More Great GOP Quotes

 "This Elian Gonzales problem is Bill Clinton's fault.
  He's played this issue right down the middle."
      -- Senator Connie Mack, (R-Panderer)
 

  ha ha

  Is that ...like, an accusation?


 Beddy Beddy Good

 From:  mrte@home.com

 Subject: Cal Ripkin....

 BC,
 We agree on so many things that I've been hoping for an opportunity
 to take issue with something you write......and I've finally found it.

 Your Cal Ripken piece was way too understated for the finest, most
 humble gentleman on any team, of any sport, in any city, country, or
 planet in the cosmos.

 Shame on you.
 And you'd think that after your recent shopping spree
 you could put your traditional salute aside and just
 send him some of your delicious juicy blue booty.

 m/

 Damn, that's a good idea.
 I'll do it.

 Christian in New York told me she's been wanting to
 try some Chinaco, but can't find any in New York City!!
 If fine tequila is hard to find in New York,
 I'll bet it's scarce in Balmore, too

 Cal, you like tequila?
 I'm talking about real fine tequila.
 I know, only after the season,
 (wink wink)

 Koresh!
 He might even write back!
 Wouldn't that be cool?

 Don't write and tell me it's illegal to send tequila thru the mail.
 There's no jury that would object to Cal getting some fine tequila.

 And now, Don Pardo, tell Cal Ripken what he's won

 It's Chinaco Tequila Excepcional

 For many years Chinaco 100% agave tequila defied rivalry.
 Then the tiny La Gonzalena distillery stunned generations of
 discerning drinkers and stopped producing.

 Now, after a short absence, the revered name returns.

 Today, the the tequila that leaves La Gonzalena is only a mere
 trickle compared to the production of the giant tequila factories.
 But every drop of Chinaco produced under the direction of the
 four sons of Guillermo Gonzalena is meticulously crafted and
 lives up to it's legendary heritage of excellence.

 Chinaco Anejo - This is the crowning achievement of the
 La Gonzalena distillery. Aged in goverment-sealed and
 certified barrels for up to for years, it's silky-rich, deep finish
 is for those with an obsession with perfection.

 Cal Ripken, you deserve the best!

 Now I need to find an address...



 

Koresh!
Before I'd vote for this blow monkey, I'd vote for Roberto Begnini.


Colin Powell,
They say you might be Smirk's VP.

Is this true?




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