Vol 206 - The Gun Issue


From the New & Improved Smudge Report

WHAT  LIFE  WAS  LIKE  BEFORE  BILL CLINTON
From the New York Times
July 26, 1991

GM, FORD AGAIN POST BIG LOSSES

The nation's two largest car companies reported big losses yesterday,
G.M. for the fourth consecutive quarter and Ford for the third,
reflecting lower production and weak demand for cars and trucks in
most markets--particularly the United States. The General Motors Corporation
said it lost $785 million in the second quarter. The No. 2 auto maker,
the Ford Motor Company, posted a quarterly loss of $324 million.
That was a slight improvement over recent periods,
when the companies had record losses.
 

This is a true and accurate report from the New York Times.
When Reagan/Butch were in charge, if a big corporation "only" lost
 $324 million, they threw a party because it was better than last year!

Thank you, Bill Clinton, for saving America!
 

Check out the new Smudge Report.
It was very, very good, and then he improved it!


 From:  charles.barry@twc.state.tx.us

 Subject: What kind of web cite is this?

 Your web cite seems to be a blend of liberal politics and poorly educated
 morons. The people that contribute to your web cite use the standard
 liberal method of personal attacks when all else fails. If you can not
 counter a argument with logic then attack the persona of the messenger.
 When was the last time George Will called the President a name?

 That seems to be the difference between liberals and conservatives,
 a conservative will debate you on the merits of an idea,
 were as a liberal will just call you names.

 Thank You

 Chuck Barry
 

 Chuck,

 Funny, you didn't ask when the last time the King of Personal Slurs
 called the president a name. Why did you switch the question to Will?


 Gun Grabbers

 From: Paulwetor@aol.com

 Subject: If I Were Dictator

 If I were taking over the U.S. by force, the first place I'd go is NRA
 headquarters, to get their membership list. It wouldn't be all the gun
 owners, but it would be a start. To protect your gun privacy, the last thing
 you'd want to do is join the NRA.

 ha ha

 Good point!


 From Cecelia Flowers
 

 Dear Dr. Laura,

 Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have
 learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as
 many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
 lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
 states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from
 you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow
 them.

 When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
 pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9.) The problem is my neighbors. They
 claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

 I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus
 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

 I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period
 of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell?
  I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

 Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around
 us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not
 Canadians. Can you clarify?

 I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
 him myself?

 A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination
 Lev. 10:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
  Can you settle this?

 Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
 defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
 vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

 I know you have studied these things, so I am confident you can help.
 Thanks again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

 Jack Fertig


 The Vulgar Pigboy on MNF?

 The apparent bid by conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh
 to do Monday Night Football is either a bad joke or a pathetic
 publicity ploy to jack up sagging ratings. Either way this trial
 balloon went over like a ton of bricks.

 What's next, Newt Gingrich calling the baseball game of the week?

 Those who aren't still hooting and holding their sides over the big guy's
 buffoonery have to wonder if Al Franken's Big Fat Idiot will get a grip
 before he further embarrasses himself. The rotund chowder-head -
 sorry, dittohead - has as much claim to doing NFL color with Al Michaels
 as I have calling a hockey game. The powers that be at ABC have my
 sympathies and musings on what could be the network's worst nightmare.

 In the Limbaugh tradition of fairness and impartiality, let's examine the
 pros and cons of this particular job applicant who inexplicably is lobbying
 hard to replace the competent but not especially compelling Boomer Esiason.

 PRO RUSH: The man can relate. As a college dropout, he'd have a
 lot in common with NFL players who regularly spurn academia for
 agents and zillion-dollar contracts. Add the fact that Rush also knows
 about the draft - not how to get picked for it - but how to dodge
 conscription like his pal Bill Clinton, and you've got a real team player.

 CON RUSH: The man can't relate. Football is a working man's
 sport, and Rush has never put in an honest day's work in his bloated
 life. Add to the fact that a goodly number of NFL fans are blue-collar,
 shot-and-a-beer, Democrats who might bristle at the Limbaugh brand of
 scintillating banter and you've got the makings of a plus-sized Art Modell.

 PRO RUSH: He represents millions. What is so wrong with being a
 white, filthy rich, Republican male? Nary a thing, chime the fat-cat
 NFL owners. These exclusive club members, driven by greed and
 giddy with self-importance, can immediately identify with one of their
 sodden species, and embrace his strained witticisms as the gospel truth.

 CON RUSH: He represents fascists. Rush is the extremist's answer
 to a dream. With loopy pals Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, Rush
 co-wrote the book on liberalism - the root of all evil. What other color
 analyst could watch a quarterback being sacked by a linebacker from
 the opposing team and wonder aloud if his offensive line was
 not merely inept but part of a vast left-wing conspiracy?

 PRO RUSH: He can eat as much as any pro-football player at the
 training table.

 CON RUSH: In the training room he can barely lift more than his
 pudgy finger to point the blame at someone for something.

 PRO RUSH: He's a really, really, big NFL fan

 CON RUSH: With fans like that who needs PSLs?

 PRO RUSH: A clean break from jockdom. Never been there,
 done that, in sports, but considers lack of experience and first-hand
 knowledge of football an asset. He'll bring a fresh approach to
 the job by spewing bombastic opinions instead of insight.

 CON RUSH: Had a past life as a jock who was an end, guard,
 and tackle. He sat at the end of the bench, guarded the edible
 stuff and Gatorade, and tackled anyone who came near.

 PRO RUSH: He's a great observer of sports, another snappy
 Howard Cosell prepared to give the Monday night broadcast a
 needed character boost and a smidgen of controversy.

 CON RUSH: We knew Howard Cosell. He was a crusty commentator
 with an eye for talent, an ear for fact and a New York mouth to tell it
 like it was in a distinctive fashion all his own. He was a fixture for years
 and we knew him well. Rush Limbaugh is no Howard Cosell.

 PRO RUSH: Football is a manly sport for manly men like Rush, who
 can take the little ladies or leave 'em where they belong tending
 the home and hearth and fetching beer for their manly men.

 CON RUSH: Women are so ticked off that a sexist pig like Rush
 is even being allowed to audition for the job they are threatening to
 withhold the beer and hide the remote from their manly men unless
 ABC chooses a femi-Nazi to join the play-by-play announcer.

 PRO RUSH: He gives as good as he gets. Any diatribe against
 Rush is more than met, insult for insult, by the hefty, paper-rattling
 radio host. And anyone who can lampoon the looks of the
 President's daughter deserves as good as he gets.

 CON RUSH: Rush, who? Last but not least, the biggest con for this job
 applicant to join ABC's Monday Night Football, besides his total lack of
 qualifications, is name recognition. In television, it's called a Q-rating,
 and quantifies audience familiarity with a media personality. This guy
 hit his stride - what, six years ago? - when Newt and Co. launched the
 infamous "Contract on America," and it's been all down hill from there.

 No question, ABC should deflate this gas bag with a firm
 "Don't call us, we'll call you."

 Marilou Johanek is a Blade editorial writer.

 Thanks to Leo Carr.


  Rep. Rick Lazio, (R-Loser) fell and cut his lip. Lazio, in his enthusiasm
for greeting supporters during a parade in Babylon, N.Y., tripped and fell on his face
as he sprinted to rejoin the march after stopping to shake hands.
 

Hey, Rick!
Get used to falling on your face, dude.


 Mail Bag

 From: jcolwel2@ford.com

 Subject:  Ilkka From Finland's Letter

Ilkka asked an excellent question:
 ("What would conservatives say if the most learned
    of our society were conservatives?")

I have a similar question:  What would conservatives say if a truly
overwhelming majority of the press identified themselves as conservatives?

I think they would say, "The people who study politics and see it first-hand
come to the conclusion that conservatism is good.  The more you know
aboutpolitics, the more you respect Republicanism."

I have a neighbor who claims (PigBoy says this, too) that a poll conducted
a few years ago found that 97% of the Washington press voted for Clinton.
Isit really possible that 97% of the people who see the process firsthand,
and study it for a living, and understand history, choose Clinton?

JC

JC, not exactly.

First of all, the figure they used was 89 percent.
That sounds to me like someone very unscientifically asked nine media
people what their political affiliation was, and eight of them claimed to be
liberal so they ended up with 8/9, which is 89 percent.

How do we know this is a lie?

A few dozen issues back, I listed a shitload (that term is applicable)
of on-camera personalities that were obviously rapid Clinton-haters.
I think the final number was 22

So, do the math again.
Eight times more liberals are on on-air than conservatives?

Horseshit!

Name 'em.

I named 22, so they must name 176 on-camera Clinton lovers.

I've got my wallet out.
I'm calling their bluff.

Nobody can name 176 on-camera people partial to Clinton.
 

See?
They're lying.

The math just isn't there.
It's just more bullshit from Rush and the whores at Fox News.


 Headline from CNN.com/Election/2000

 Ralph Nader could pose a threat from the left to Gore

 Green Party presidential candidate Ralph Nader
 spells potential trouble for Vice President Al Gore.

 Oh, cut it out - he does not.

 Well, maybe, depending on what the meaning of potential is.
 I mean, I have the potential to play drums for Metallica next year,
 but I don't see any headlines being written about it.

 I like Ralph Nader alright, but he's not even a pimple on Bradley's butt,
 and we all saw what Gore did to Bradley.

 The media is very, very bored.

 Meanwhile, all is going according to plan in the Gore camp.
 Right now, Gore doesn't want to be the front-runner.
 Hillary in New York is, barely, and they say that's a disadvantage.

 Gore need to take my advice and hibernate for a few weeks.
 Let Smirk made some headlines, and some gaffs.
 Relax, Al.

 Rent some movies, call some old friends.
 Just run the ball and watch the clock.

 All the sane pundits say this is Gore's election to lose.
 According to the plan, Smirk stays ahead by 6-8 points
 until the Republicans go into their Hate Convention in Philadelphia.

 Then, the Gore hit squad sits in their Washington hotel rooms
 and decide which bombs to drop first.

 Will they even let Smirk get to the convention?
 Or will they wait until after the convention, after the GOP spends millions
 on their slick  "Vote Smirk 2000" posters, and then drop the bomb?

 Or will they drop a small one, then wait a week and drop a bigger one,
 then wait a week and drop a bigger one?

 ha ha

 Yo, Smirk!
 Quick!
 Where's Canada?

 ha ha

 What'll you think they drop on him first?
 His secret Margarita and their not-so-little-anymore Habanero?
 Or will they release the Funeralgate memo?
 Or will it be the mugshot from his DWI bust?

 ha ha

 I'll have that on my front page for weeks!
 You know what'd be cool?

 If the charges don't seem to be making waves, the Democrats
 could end up releasing everything they have on Smirk!
 

 Memo to McCain: Keep your powder dry!


More Guns, Less Education
Gun Sales on the Net

Complete Story

MONTCLAIR, N.J. The name on the parcel--"Clint's Gun Distributors"
--piqued the curiosity of a UPS driver familiar with the modest, residential street.
The contents required an adult's signature, also odd for a
town heavy with Gateway and Victoria's Secret orders.

When a teenage boy said no adult was home, the driver took the package
and his suspicions to his supervisor, who notified the sender and
federal authorities.

Last week, those authorities raided the home, uncovering an alleged
scheme in which two juveniles bought four semiautomatic handguns on the
Internet without triggering a single federal background check,
fingerprint request or other safety procedure.

The suspects, both 17-year-old boys who allegedly bought four more
handguns on the street, passed themselves off as licensed gun dealers
using forged federal firearms licenses made with computer graphics
software, according to Montclair Police Chief Tom Russo. They used
fictitious business names, including Clint's Gun Distributors, police said.
 

More Gun Laws?
Who Needs More Gun Laws?


 Quotes from Last Century

 "It tasted like lead. It was like an electrical charge
  was running through the fillings in my teeth."
   -- Paul Tibbets, tasting the bomb he dropped on Hiroshima, 8/6/45.
 

 A controversial shot of Chinaco to Paul Tibbets,
 and the rest of the people on the Manhattan team.
 Had I been Truman, I would've made the same call.


 Mission: Impossible II -The Quest for Cash
  The reviews on the big, summer blockbuster are in.

 "This ride is wild. Impossible not to love it!"

 "Hold on tight, MI-2 will rock your world!"

 "A Dynamite action thriller that will blow you away!"

 "The perfect adrenaline rush for high throttle film fans!"
 

 Who gave those rave reviews?

 Was is Roger Ebert?
 Was it Mike Clark?
 Was it Peter Travers?
 Was it Leonard Maltin?

        .......no...

 ...those ravishing, gloriously gushing reviews of praise were written by

 Richard Reid,
 Amy Longsdorf,
 Bill Deihl and
 Sandie Newton.
 

 If Dick, Amy, Bill and Sandie were the only "big-name" critics who liked it,
 doesn't that tell us that the critics we know and trust probably hated it?

 I haven't seen the movie yet.
 Is it any good?
 Would it have been better with an actor in the lead role?

 Love the Mission Impossible story,
 but Tom Cruise is the attraction, and I'm not gay.


 Guest Editorial

 From: stevem@coinet.com

 Subject: The Second Amendment!!!

 The NRA is absolutely right.
 We must keep the government in line, everyone needs to keep and bear arms.
 Of course if Uncle Sam really wanted to step on you all they would have to
 do is call up some general who in turn would call on a major who would in turn
 call on a captain who would order some wiz kid at such and such a base to
 merely type in the quardence for your front door and bingo, some general's
 plaything would come flying at about Mach 3 and kaboom - goodbye!

 We just have to keep the G-men in line, ya know?
 Look how well it worked for Koresh and the guy on Ruby Ridge.
 Or the nuts in Montana, they didn't even fire a gun at those folks,
 just starved them out. But by god, ole Tom Jefferson and Johnny Adams knew
 what was what. So In God We Trust and Pass the Ammo, Ma.

 The commies are landing in Santa Barbara this very minute and we all
 got to put an end to the're godless souls before they take over the whole place
 and make the demicrats run the country fur 'um.

 Long live good ole Rush Limbaugh, the savior of this country,
 and  all right thinking nazies. Sig Heil, Sig Rush!

 SM


Reagan's Legacy


 Mail Bag

 From: ChrisNoSt@aol.com

 Subject: Presidential pardons

 Hey Bart

 I have a wacky idea for President Clinton - I think that he should
 announce that he is issuing a presidential pardon to George H. W. Bush,
 the former president, for any crimes, including treason, that Poppy may
 have committed during his career as a Washington insider, CIA chief,
 Vice-President, and President

 Who knows how many ditto-sheep would die of exploding brains?

 Either that, or let's string the mf up...

 chris
 

 ha ha


 Joe Conason on Rick Lazio

 Click  Here


 Great Indie Quotes

 "The vice president I see on TV now --  that ain't the one I seen at dinner.
  The one I seen at dinner is a very intelligent man, animated, highly emotional.
  And yet the one I see on TV is drier than toast.''

  -- Jesse the Governor, wishing for a wetter VP Gore.


 Great Fund-Raising Quotes

 "We're here tonight because of the Shrub, you know who I'm talking about.
  George W. Bush - the W stands for "Where the Hell is it?"

  You know, you look at George W. and you realize some men are born great,
  some achieve greatness, and some get it as a graduation gift.
  So sad.

  I just want to ask the Secret Service,
  is it true that his Secret Service code name is Gilligan?"

     --Robin Williams



 May 26-28, 2000

 From: duhboid@hotmail.com

 Subject: Wal-mart

 Bartcop:

 You are all wrong about the Wal-mart fiction. The truth is that all of those
 Texas gun slingers would have tucked tail and run out the door by the time
 the balloon carcass hit the floor. Talking about shooting someone that is
 shooting back is easier than actually doing it.

 The real story is that several kids across this country right now
 are playing with daddy's gun that he had hidden in a drawer.
 A few will not be around to put it back.

 Dozens of spurned wives are sitting in a car across from a sleazy hotel
 waiting for her sorry husband to step out.
 The only question is who gets the toe tag.

 Hundreds of friends are sitting down for a night of whiskey and loosing cards.
 Many will not see the morning.

 All during this time, not a single criminal will be shot by his victim.

 Duhboid

 p.s. On second thought, maybe we should provide guns and marksmanship
 training to GOP wives. There would be a lot less Newts, Barrs, etc. running
 around on their wives.

 p.p.s. The NRA just opened a branch office in Florida.


 If I was Smarter,
 I Could've Written This

 From: Dave.Hardison@co.orange.fl.us

 Subject: The Latest

 Sweet baby Jesus.
 The Republicans are so completely out of ammunition that the only crap
 they can hang on Clinton is that he doesn't buckle up during  takeoff?
 What could be next?
 Eleven items in the express lane?
 Wearing white after Labor Day?
 I once heard Clinton say "epigram" when he meant to say "epigraph".

 Maybe they can impeach him for that.

 ha ha

 The NRA always gives examples of people successfully defending their home
 with handguns. The problem with that is the stats: You are 30% more likely
 to shoot your dog than an intruder. You are about 40% more likely to have
 the gun taken away from you, and 50% more likely to shoot yourself.

 In the long run, it is more than twice as likely that your gun will injure
 someone accidentally than it will ever be used to defend your home.

 That argument is so seriously flawed that the NRA always goes to their
 backup argument. People need to have guns to protect themselves from the
 government. People sympathize with this argument emotionally because they
 watch so much television. TV is full of examples of people who fight against
 the government, enter the occasional shootout, and somehow never get arrested.

 In the real world, this does not ever, ever happen.

 If the cops come to your door,
 for any reason,
 do not shoot at them.

 They have a million more where that cop came from, and the next one you
 meet will be a little testy about the gun thing.

 ha ha

 I challenge the NRA to give me any example where anyone has ever
 gotten OUT of trouble by shooting at representatives of the government.

 (Damn, I wish I'd written that)

 Face it. If the government comes to take your gun away,
 you are up shit creek whether you have a gun on you or not.

 Actually you are better off if you don't have a gun. If the fisherman
 (actually janitor) at Elian's house in Miami had been carrying a gun when
 the feds came in, he would be dead today, instead of looking forward to his
 lawsuit. But at least the NRA would be happy. Happy you ask? Of
 course. Because before they left, the federal marshals would have pried
 the gun out of his cold, dead fingers.

 ha ha
 Good letter, Dave!
 Send more like that!
 Or start a newsletter so I can subscribe.


 Smirk says we're going to have to rebuild our military "from the ground up."

 Besides that nutty anti-missle "Star Wars" project,
 can you think of anything more expensive than rebuilding the military?

 What'll it cost, Smirk, what'll it cost?

 Can you tell us BEFORE the election?

 By the way, who's money is that?
 If it's our money, like Rush says, shouldn't WE have a say in deciding?

 What'll it cost, Smirk, what'll it cost?

 Uh-Oh, what if Smirk has friends in the military industrial complex?

 We've seen what happens when Smirk has friends who pollute,
 when Smirk has friends in the NRA,
 when Smirk has friends in the funeral industry,
 when Smirk has friends in the Coat-Hanger Coalition.

 Good God, that "rebuild from the ground up" sounds expensive!

 What'll it cost, Smirk, what'll it cost?

 Can you do it without a tax increase, Smirk?

 Can you do it AND give us that huge tax cut?

 Can you do all that AND continue to cut the deficit?

What'll it cost, Smirk, what'll it cost?


 Great Pigboy Quotes

 "Every move Bill Clinton has made since he's been president has ONLY
 been to make himself look good. He has NEVER done anything for this country,
 it's only what's best for Bill Clinton, and he doesn't care who he has to step on,
 he doesn't care who he has to destroy to do it, it's just all about Bill Clinton."
 

 Wow!

 Rush, do you mean that this unprecedented peace and prosperity is an accident?
 Clinton was only trying to glorify himself, and this was the unintended by-product?

 You mean that Clinton, without evern trying, has been a better president
 than Reagan or Butch who certainly WERE trying their very, very best?

 So, what if we were to get out of Bill Clinton's way?
 What if we gave him carte blanche to change whatever he wanted?

 If he can do this much good accidentally, without even trying,
 think how good he could do if he put his mind to it?
 

 Rush is always right!


 It's been a long time since that nutcase shot up Luby's in Lubbock, was it?

 Remember what happened?
 A typical NRA gun loon had a bad day, so he loaded his guns, jumped in
 his Ford F-150 and drove to the mall.  He located the Luby's cafeteria
 and drove towards the giant window and crashed through it.

 Then he started executing innocent people, one after the other.

 But,

 What if he'd been armed with a knife or a baseball bat?
 That's what the NRA says when someone tries to make guns less ubiquitous.
 They say, "But why? You can kill with a kitchen knife or a baseball bat."

 But if the loon had only been armed with a butter knife or a Louisville slugger,
 he would've probably been disarmed without any loss of life.
 But nooooooooooooooooooo.
 He did just what the NRA recommended.
 He got the fastest-loading semi-automatic handguns he could afford.

 Since he could re-load both guns in the blink of an eye,
 there was no chance for anyone to grab him

 If he'd had a regular Smith & Wesson .357 revolver,
 he would've been easy to grab during the reload.
 But noooooooooooooooooo.

 Since he was well-armed, Smirk signed legislation so the other citizens
 of Texas would have a chance in the big gun battles.

 So,

 Suppose the NRA loon had been armed with twin Mac-10 machine guns,
 equipt to fire armor-piercing bullets, wouldn't it make sense for Smirk to sign
 legislation for every Texan to carry twin Mac-10's with armor-piercing bullets?

 Of course it would!
 Otherwise, the innocent people at Luby's would be at a disadvantage, right?

 Since Smirk is on his knees,
 bobbing his head up and down on Pepe La Pierre's six-inch barrel,
 the NRA will get any legislation they want from Smirk.

 He's their boy - he does what he's told.
 They own Smirk - lock, stock and barrel.

 You don't think they're giving Smirk millions because they want him
 to make a fair and impartial decision on guns, do you?


 From: purpleACID@rocketmail.com

 Subject: moron

 What part of "to keep and bear arms" do you not understand...

 I understand the "well-regulated militia" part

 To bear arms means on your physical self...

 Thanks for clearing that up.
 I always thought that meant we should arm grizzly bears.

 I dont understand how people like you who have probably never
 seen a gun in real life, let alone fired one, understand that guns
 are safe when handled properly...

 I saw a picture of a gun on the news once.
 It was in the hand of a six-year old, standing over a dead girl.

 Ive been around guns my entire life...
 My father taught us children that guns are not toys but weapons...
 Proper education is the key to firearm safety...

 Would you say you're at least as educated about guns
 as you are the laws of punctuation?

 Not mandatory locks...

 Take that up with Governor Smirk - not me.

 Not more gun laws that will not be enforced...

 Take that up with the Republican governors.
 I have no authority to enforce state laws.

 Much like of what is wrong with America these days,
 its the parent's responsibility to teach common sense...

 Did you know each time you say, "Where were the parents?"
 a dead child crawls out of the grave and re-joins his family?

 Not the clusterfuck we refer to a government in Washington right now...

 My, my.
 I thought only small minds used cursewords.

 Harry Cox

 Wait, I'm getting common-sense gun advice from a guy with
 "harry cox" using the nickname "purple acid?"

 ha ha

 My I.Q. just shot up ten points.


 Celebrity Mail

 From: ekf@hrb.com

 Subject: Sorry, Drudge

 PRESIDENT REFUSES SEATBELT DURING TAKEOFF

 It's an Air Force One tradition that the piloting be so expert that
 NOBODY (except the greenest of first-timers) wears a seatbelt under
 normal conditions. But Matt wouldn't know that, as he's never been
 invited to ride along, and probably never will be.

 Maybe if he ever checked his facts, he'd avoid embarrassing himself this way.
 He could ask former speechwriter Peggy Noonan if she (or Saint Ronald,
 "our last great president") ever wore one in non-emergency situations.

 Actually, it's all part of that vast left-wing conspiracy.
 Clinton is planning to die in an airborne accident, so Gore can assume the
 Presidency and have the advantage of incumbency, come Election Day.

 Eliot


 I'm on Smirk's mailing list.

 That idiot sent me some wild-ass 1.2 Meg e-mail.

 Anyone else on that list?
 Any idea what that idiot sent me?


 Professor BartCop

 From:  kevinf216@netscape.net

 Follow Up

 We are not in disagreement here, and in the context of your reply, we are both
 correct. However, we are discussing two different realms. You are talking
 about where the two parties place blame and credit in the political arena,
 while I am talking about the forces that actually create the economic cycle.

 Politics are not my area of expertise, but by it's very nature, the two sides
 will always (attempt to) place blame on the other party and take credit for
 themselves. Don't buy it! It is easy to look at a healthy economy and then
 look for a figurehead to attribute it to, but don't do it!!! Learn about the
 economic forces (Luke) and see for yourself! It is irresponsible to say that
 Clinton is responsible for economic expansion, because the truth is that it is
 not within his power to bring it about. To use the basketball/luck analogy,
 you can tie Jordan's kickass performance to winning Bull seasons by looking at
 his stats, but how can you tie Clinton with the burgeoning economy? The best
 one could do is to give him credit for great timing to come into power as the
 cycle was coming into upswing.

 True, the standing President will get the blame/credit from the majority of
 the public, but only because most people don't understand economics.

 Kevin

 Kevin,
 If I was smarter, I could answer you intelligently. :)
 But let me try, using my I.Q. of 64

 Clinton submits a budget.
 He negotiates spending limits.
 He appoints the chairman of the fed.
 He raises the minimum wage.
 He avoids wars which cause economic slowdowns.
 He signs economics treaties with other countries.
 He bestowes MFN status on certain countries.
 He vetoes some military spending, encourages others.

 To say that the guy driving the boat isn't in charge is wrong.
 No matter how you slice it, somebody is in charge.

 You might say it's Bill Gates, or the boss at GM, or US Steel,
 but decisions are being made daily, and the top dog gets
 the credit or the blame.

 It can't be a coincidence that we did so poorly under Reagan/Butch
 and are doing so well under the Peace and Prosperity President.


 Wish I'd Thought of That

 From: Paulwetor@aol.com

 Subject: Concealed Handguns

 If being armed all the time is such a good idea, how come cops get shot?
 Because criminals presume them to be armed, and shoot first.

 Paul Wetor


 From: skisics@yahoo.com

 Subject: Second amendment issues

 The argument I keep seeing from supporters of the second amendment
 is that 'the people' need to arm themselves, just in case the government
 tries to use force. Here is something to consider.

 The law abiding citizen has his handgun, but the government agents have
 automatic weapons. Therefore, it's only natural that the law abiding citizen
 should have automatic weapons. Just to keep up.

 But, the government has access to APCs and tanks.
 Logically then, law abiding citizens would need TOW launchers or other
 anti-tank weapons, in order to defend themselves. The government also
 has access to jet aircraft, armed with smart bombs. So, naturally, the
 law abiding citizen, to keep up, should have a SAM battery or two.
 Or maybe just a few stingers around (they might be able to purchase
 them from the Iranians...I here they were able to acquire a few).

 But of course, the government also has access to chem/bio/nuclear weapons.
 Shouldn't the law abiding citizens also have access to them? Think about it.
 The government has law abiding citizens out-gunned.
 So the argument is false.

 A careful reading of not only the constitution, but the federalist papers and
 constitutional debate notes shows what the intent of the founding fathers
 was on the issue of the second amendment. The founding fathers were very
 afraid of a large standing army, maintained by the federal government.
 This could lead  to tyranny, as it had many times in their past.

 So, it follows that the second amendment supporters should be advocating
 the disbanding of a large federal army, controlled by Washington.
 Each state would rely on state militias...
 which are now the National Guard.. for defence against foriegn aggression.
 This would truly be what the founding fathers had in mind.

 Just my thoughts.
 skisics surus


 Question of the Day

 If carrying concealed weapons lowers crime and saves lives,
 why are policemen everywhere so adamantly against it?


 Great Pigboy Quotes

 "New Yorkers should vote for Lazio, because the name of the game is
  seeing how much money you can bring home from government programs."
 

 But Pigboy, Lazio would mean more federal spending?
 And you say that's the name of the game?

 Sounds like a good reason to vote Democrat!


 More Great Pigboy Quotes

 "Al Gore is so strange, he sees God in nature."

 ha ha

 Geez, Your Porkness.
 If God was going to be anywhere, it'd be in nature, you nut!


 Feedback

 From:  timothyd@mindspring.com

 Subject: A little common sense goes a long way

 Yo, Bartcop,

 How about using just a little bit more of that mass of tissue in your cranium,
 instead of just reacting like, well, a right-wing reactionary nut case?

 Your "Wal-Mart" scenario, though I'm sure very entertaining for those
 with the educational level of, say Rosie O'Donnell, is just that - entertainment.
 I could give you a million "what ifs" to "prove" that anything I don't like
 should be licensed, regulated, banned or confiscated.

 Tim, I don't believe you can.
 You think you can give me a "million" scenarios more dangerous than
 80 untrained people in a panic, ready and willing to use their guns?
 I doubt you could give me three.

 There wasn't any balloon incident such as you described, but there
 really was a Luby's incident, and had the law that the governor signed
 been in effect then, at least one person who survived the incident, by
 her own account, could have stopped the CRIMINALS from continuing their
 rampage. But HER weapon was stored "safely" away in the glove
 compartment of her truck. She had to hide while the killing went on.

 Timothy David

 True, there was a shootout at Luby's, and that "survivor" has managed
 to turn her parent's murders into a career in politics.
 How tidy.
 How Hollywood.
 How much did she get for the book rights?
 Will Merryl Streep play her? Or Sally Field?
 Wanna bet she speaks at the convention in Philadelphia?

 Tell me, in youir lifetime, has there been an instance in America
 when an armed citizen has stopped a public killing spree?

 In the Luby's scenario, what if someone in the mall, with a gun,
 came running when they heard the shooting and accidentally
 shot the woman who was trying to protect her parents?
 If you were the foreman of that jury, what say you?

 I know you don't know me, but I carry a gun, myself.
 Not inside stores and stadiums, but it's always nearby.
 I just don't think we need 80 Wal-Mart shoppers "helping out"
 in a panic when they have no idea what the situation is.


  ha ha

 Rush is predicting Hillary is "so scared" of Rick Lazio,
 that there's "still time for her to pull out."

 But Pigboy,

 It was YOUR GUY who got caught with his goomah.
 It was YOUR GUY who got scared and ran.
 It was YOUR GUY who decided he didn't have a chance.

 ...so Hillary should get out of the race?

 ha ha


 First thing I heard on my car radio today was some whackjob preacher.

 "America is wealthier than we've ever been, sure,
   but we've fallen so far spiritually."
 

 Give me a fucking break.
 Clinton gave us everything we could ask for from a president,
 but all we can do now is whine about it?

 That's how Smirk plans to win the election?
 He wants to bring America's morality back?

 One reason we have time to worry about morality is because
 Clinton fixed so many things that were broke, we're bored to death!
 How do you think they found time for that kangaroo impeachment?

 The religio-wackos think we've fallen on bad times?
 Tell me, were we in a spiritual decline when Reagan was in charge?
 No?

 Was it because we were in a goddamn recession?
 Is that the answer?

 America's spirituality is better off under fire?
 America's spirituality is better off when families are driving out
 to Andrews Air Force Base to claim their son's body?
 That makes America strong?

 That's horseshit!

 America was better off with Reagan's war and recession than we are
 under Clinton's peace and prosperity?

 I think what these nutty preachers are really saying is,
 "Now that you've got the bucks, can I have a raise?"
 Maybe it's time we all re-assess the amount we tithe, is that it?

 By any measureable means, Clinton has been the best president in 100 years.
 The GOP claims there's a "moral decline,"  because you can't measure that.
 They can claim military morale is low, because you can't measure that.
 They say our kids are growing up "funny,"  because you can't measure that.

 When our marines were dying in Lebanon,
 when our troops were invading Grenada,
 when Butch turned on his good friend Manuel Noriega
 and invaded the tiny nation of Panama,
 when Butch bungled the Iraqi situation and exposed thousands
 of men to Gulf War Syndrome, our children were growing up just fine?

 When the stock market was at 3500,
 when unemployment was at 8 percent,
 when black unemployment was at 24 percent,
 when new housing starts were at a 40-year low,
 our children were growing up just fine?

 When dad was laid off from his job,
 when dad was slapping mom around from frustration,
 when Gramps had to move in because are car got repo'd,
 when the stock market was crashing in 1987,
 our children were growing up just fine?

 That's horseshit!

 We've never had it better than we have it right now.

 Thank you,  Mr. President.

 ...and if the Republicans hadn't used scare-tactics to get people to
 run away from Clinton's proposal to re-vamp health care,
 he would've fixed that, too and you know what they say:
When you have your health, you have everything.

Clinton was thisclose to giving us everything,
but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

The same Cro-Mags who said Clinton would ruin the economy
said that he would ruin health care if we let him try to fix it,
but don't worry - our children had spirituality then, right?

That's all horseshit - and the voters know it.


 Will the Scandals Ever Stop?
 

 XXXXX DRUDGE REPORT XXXXX THURSDAY MAY 25, 2000

 PRESIDENT REFUSES SEATBELT DURING TAKEOFF

 **Exclusive**

 ha ha
 Matt, you must be very proud...
 Have you heard from your parents yet?
 ha ha

 President Clinton stunned reporters on Thursday evening when he
 refused to wear his seatbelt during takeoff aboard Air Force One,
 in direct violation of federal law!

 That's an impeachable offense, right Matt?
 ha ha

 One reporter tells the DRUDGE REPORT that as the rest of the plane's
 occupants were strapped in during takeoff, the president was
 stretched over a tabletop conducting a press interview.

 "He was not wearing a seatbelt," said the source. "He was oblivious,
 just talking away, as the plane took off. Clearly it was a dangerous situation.
We were lucky there was no turbulence during takeoff."

 The president was politely reminded that he must wear a seatbelt, the
 DRUDGE REPORT has learned, but Clinton refused.

 What a daredevil!
 He's another Robbie Knievil!

-----------------------------------------------------------
 Filed by Matt Drudge
 Reports are moved when circumstances warrant
 http://www.drudgereport.com for updates
 (c)DRUDGE REPORT 2000
 Not for reproduction without permission of the author

 Oh, just blow me.


 More mail

 From: srusten <srusten@email.msn.com>

 Subject: You stinking Nazi Liberals....

 You stinking Liberals just don't appreciate our American way
 of life where the Constitution allows us impotent old White men to get off
 fondling a hard steel erection of such power it can stop a goddamn Hippo in
 its tracks at 30 feet away.  Our foreskins fought the goddamn Limeys and them
 damn Redskins to carve this here Democracy out of the wildness and they did it
 thanks to Frederick Remington...oh excuse me, he was the Typewriter guy...oh
 yes of course it was Mr. Winchester and Mr. Colt...thanks to those two fine
 gentlemen we were able to kill all those damn injuns and I mean women and
 children as well as them Bucks.

 Yeah, those were the real good old days as I have played them in my many
 western roles...me and my good buddie Ron Reagan, we fought them redskins
 and the outlaws and we killed em dead with our Long Rifles and our Six Shooters,
 and it's thanks to us that you damn Liberals got the democracy you got where
 you can go on existing and not get murdered like you should be, with all your
 damn Traitor Commie Foreigner ass licking high faluting intelligentsia decadence...

 this country was founded by STUPID folks like me and them Potato Farmers
 from Ireland and Germany and since we was the ones who built this country
 it seems to me that we got the right to have it like WE want it...and what we want
 is a Two Fisted Texas Ranger like good old Georgie Bush Junior to be our President...

 Anyway, it's a free country and as long as you just SHUT UP and don't try to
 PUSH your damn Liberal perversion on us you can go on living your sick useless lives...
 but DON'T screw with an American's right to own a GUN and especially when it's
 an old actor like me whose dick don't work so good no more...I got a right to have
 some pleasure in my own damn country...I mean in case you've forgotten,
 I not only played Two Fisted Sheriffs and Cowboys and all that,
 I even played MOSES and GOD...

 Charlatan Heston


 VCR Alert

 Sunday on Meet the Whore - Carville and Matalin

 Paul Harvey  told a story about Carville and Matalin.
 He said last time they were on Meet the Whore, they argued like always,
 but the argument continued after the show and during the ride home.

 James was speeding, and a cop pulled them over.
 Carville was still fuming about something, so he gave the cop some shit.
 The cop, (don't know if he recognized them or not) leaned in to mary
 and asked if james was always this argumentative and she said,

 "Only when he's been drinking, officer."


 From: nplains@huntel.net

 Subject:

 the first thing ignorant assholes like you must remember is that law abiding
 gun carring citizens are not as ignorant as you and your clintonistas.

 look at the facts ass hole. lawabiding citizens are not the problem here,
 but that is all your ignorant gun control laws has any effect on.
 but then what do you the media and the clintonistas care about facts?

 nplains


 Finally...

 From: BigDogInAU@aol.com

 Subject: Guns, Religion and the South

 This is in response to your hypothetical Walmart situation.
 I'm curious, have you ever actually heard what a gunshot sounds like?
 I can assure you from personal experiences that a gunshot sounds nothing
 like a balloon being popping. It's not nearly as loud and deafening.
 You'll just have to trust this southern born and bred idiot on this one.
 Lord knows (assuming of course that there is One) that I should know
 because I'm a knuckle-dragging Cro-Magnon from the "undeveloped
 farm state of Georgia."

 And what's even worse is that I currently reside in "Massabama" where all
 they do here is get drunk and intermarry. Fortunately for me, I attend a
 well respected university so that I can one day become a bleeding heart
 liberal like yourself.

 As for these "ghosts" you keep referring to, I hope that for your sake,
 and many other people around the world, that they don't exist, and that they
 are just made up. Because if they're not, then my friend, you're screwed.
 And just in case you hadn't guessed, I do believe in those "ghosts." I
 suppose you can blame that on my "backward" upbringing here in the armpit of
 America. Of course, this is all just my humble and stupid southern opinion.

 signed,

 BigDog
 Getting dumber by the minute
 

 Big Dog, so far, you're the only one with a sense of humor.
 Thanks for writing,

 bc


 From:  C1MANNY@US.IBM.COM

 Subject: reply

 From my cold dead hands, too!
 The way you want it asshole.

 IBM Employee



 

 From: Amra@adelphia.net

 Subject: rebuttal
 

What you wrote in the daily dirt makes you sound as big an idiot
 as the people you made up. In all the years that handguns have been
 around  NEVER has anything like this ever happened.

 So why don't you go suck on lollipop and use that imagination to
 write some good childrens books. You certinly don't give your fellow man
 any credit. Yes people make mistakes but the scenario you played out is
 so stupid at first I thought you were joking!
 So please stick to something you know. Myself if I were you I'd do the children's

 books.

 Amra


Monkey Mail Like in the Old Days


 

 From:  AGKAC@mcleodusa.net

 Subject: a coward

 well you are a full blown liberal you still think clinton turn our country
 around but it was the people not washington also you have a nice piece
 on guns well let try this elect goofy gore then when we all loose our
 guns then your setting in your home and your door comes down your
 wife gets raped you sit there crying but clinton and gore said this
 wouldn't happen iam sure they will leave wake up you are so in the
 dark .also if we dont have guns how can we protect our country from
 china because it is clear nether party is with out china money in there pockets.

 paul dye
 

 Paul, I agree.
 You have convinced me.
 I will now become a ditto-spank.

 bc


 From:  chuck@needmemory.com

 Subject: Hand guns

 I suspect from your name that you are a Bartcop. Therefore that
 explains your stand on the public having concealed hand guns. I read
 your fairy tale on The Daily Dirt and I must say, what a crock of shit.

 I think it is great that the public carries guns and I back it all the
 way. I am sorry if it hurts your Ego that you are not the only one
 carrying a gun but that is life. It is hard to commit a armed robbery
 when everyone is a potential carrier. You just can not cover that many
 people. Most police will side with you because how can they keep the
 people scared if everyone is an equal. The fact is that they can not.

 So they want everyone to turn in their guns so that only the police and the
 criminals are carrying. Where does that leave the public? In the hands of
 the police and we all know how that turned out for guys like Rodney King.

 We in Texas do not go around shooting everyone just because we hear a
 noise and to think that we would only shows that you are a mental midget.

 "Put the gun down and step back" If any one should not be carrying a gun
 it should be you. You are the kind of person that would start shooting at the
 drop of a hat or popping of a balloon. So for now just make sure that the
 people you watch pay the fair and keep the gun unloaded.

 Chuck Cooper
 Dallas, Texas

 Chuck,
 Your first sentence was flawed.
 I'm an Oklahoma cowboy, not a policeman in San Francisco.
 But I am impressed that, from your mistaken assumption,
 you could determine I'm the type that would shoot at the drop of a hat.

 Let me guess:  You're voting for your governor, right?

 Sincerely,
 The Mental Midget


 Feedback

 From:  kevinf216@netscape.net

 Subject: Accomplishments

 I found your via a link from the Daily Dirt. Regarding the list of
 achievements by President Clinton, I am compelled to comment on some of
 economic expansion facts. Presidents have little effect with regard to economic
 expansion. The best thing they can do is stay out of the way. The single
 most powerful tool a government has, the Federal Funds Rate, is controlled by
 the Federal Reserve Bank, which has no loyalty to the Executive Office or any
 other branch, only to the stability of the economy. Economic expansion is
 created by advancements in technology, increased productivity of the
 workforce, developing economies becoming larger trading partners;
 macro issues like these drive expansion, the government does not.

 So basically, Clinton has not revived the economy, delivered the longest
 expansion in history, or created new jobs,. Kudos to him for driving for a
 balanced/surplus budget, but this was made possible by the increased revenue
 from the booming economy.

 I welcome any comments you have.
 Kevin

 Kevin, let me begin by saying I don't have a doctorate in economics.
 However, those who do disagree constantly, so maybe it doesn't matter.

 The GOP guaranteed America that if Clinton became president,
 America would stumble into the worst recession of all time.
 Since the opposite has happened, they have changed their tune.
 First, they said this boom wasn't real.
 When the boom persisted, they changed their tune.
 Now they claim this is Reagan's recovery.

 Maybe Clinton is "just lucky," I'm not sure.
 I'm sure a solid argument could be made that Michael Jordon was not
 the most important factor in Chicago winning many basketball titles,
 but the moment he left, the Bulls turned to shit, right?
 Maybe only history can judge Clinton's lasting effect on the economy.

 The bottom line is, in political terms, the president gets the blame
 or the credit for the economy. When Jimmy carter was being pummeled
 with "The Misery Index," nobody stood up and said it wasn't his fault.

 Thanks for the letter,
 bc



 Overthrowing Christianity?

 From: pwh011s@mail.smsu.edu

 Subject: overthrowing Christianity at age 8

 Good news--you don't have to wait till after your dead to have your childhood
 religious questions answered! I'm a Christian with all the answers--just ask.

 ha ha
 I have a few dozen questions, but..

 You're going to have the answers the priests & nuns didn't have?
 OK, I have an easy one for you:

 Why couldn't God foresee the Devil's revolution in Heaven?
 And if He did foresee it, why didn't he stop it?
 Why would he give the Devil "free will" if He knew
 the Devil was going to destroy a few thousand/million saved souls?

 That tells me even in Heaven, you have to watch your back because
 somebody is plotting a coup. That's crazy. That means the dead can't
 even rest in peace because they have to be on the lookout for whoever
 thinks they can overthrow God and take over. It sounds more like an
 episode of the Sopranos than "everlasting life."

 And I'd like to hear you explain that Christianity is one huge money-making
 scheme to my father--who took on huge debts to go to graduate school and
 become a pastor and fleece the congregation out of a wild $18000 a year.

 Does your father have his own cable/satellite show where he begs for money?
 Does your father need $12,000,000 a month to break even?
 Did you father lead the Clinton Cock Hunt?
 Does your father denounce liberals with every sermon, but then stay silent
      when it's Rudy, Newt, Barr, Burton, Hyde, Livingston or Schlessinger?
 Does your dog have a $2,000 air-conditioned dog house?
 Does your father pay for cheap Louisiana prostitutes?
 Does you father sell vidoes with "proof" of the Clinton "murders?"
 Has your father always been celibate?
 Does your father claim people will burn for eternity for eating a hot dog?
 Does your father have a billion-dollars art collection?
 Is your father on TV every week lying?

 Perhaps it's not your father I speak of...
 He sounds like a sincere and decent man.
 I have no problem with sincerity.
 It's the whores that piss me off.

 Hmm--maybe it's possible to worship God without being a whore

 Don't forget, the foundation of BartCopism is freedom of religion.
 I wouldn't want to take your religion away unless it involved snake-handling
 or money-grubbing or scaring the sick and the old into giving up money.

 Take the money and the snakes and the hypocrisy out of religion
 and you have no problems with me.

 ...and Jesus is a liberal.

 Steve

 That goes without saying.
 If Jesus walked the Earth today, Rush would use his baby-talk voice
 to ridicule him "and all his compassion" like he does all liberals.

 If I was king, you'd be freee to worship anyone/anything you like.
 If Falwell, Robertson etc ruled, there'd be one true faith,
 and penalties for the "unbelievers."



Is This Any Way to Pick A Winner?
By Robert G. Kaiser
Washington Post

So how exactly did Al Gore win the election of 2000?
By making the clever decision to run in the midst of an economic boom,
and by choosing to succeed a popular incumbent.

You didn't realize that Gore has won the election? A technicality.
According to half a dozen political scientists who have honed and polished
the art of election forecasting, the die is all but cast. Today, with 165 days
left before Americans go to the polls, they are saying Gore will win
53 to 60 percent of the vote cast for him and George W. Bush.

"It's not even going to be close," said Michael Lewis-Beck of the University of Iowa,
who foresees Gore winning 56.2 percent of the two-party vote.

 Complete Story




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