Volume 209 - November Rain

 June 6, 2000

Smashing Pumkins say they're breaking up.

The official reason Billy Corgan gave was really, really really stupid.
He said, "We shouldn't have to compete with the Britneys."
That's why a multi-millionaire spoiled punk stops making music?
Poor Billy Corgan, chased away from his job by a girl.
Let me tell you a story, both parts of which will get me in trouble.

Back around 1993, we had a chance to see Guns n Roses in concert.
Calm down, I know Axl has "issues," he has (or had) politics similar
to John Rocker, but when I listen to hard rock, I listen to the music
and the vocals, to me, are just another instrument playing.
I couldn't tell you the complete lyrics to any rock song ever written,
and GnR's first album was better than Van Halen's first album.
So, if we're past that, I'll continue:

It's a two-hour drive to the Myriad in OKC.
(Yes, the same Myriad we successfully sued over Page/Plant tickets,
 which reminds me, there's a P/P story to be told, also.)

We got there early, and it's a good thing.
When we got to the entrance, we saw they were making people go
thru metal detectors. Considering the band, maybe that's not a bad idea,
but I'd never been thru a metal detector at a concert before. I usually
record all concerts, so I had to walk back to the car with my recorder
so I could get in. (Lucky they didn't use a bottle detector,ha ha)

So we get relaxed, and the opening band starts to play about 8 PM.
I had never heard of Smashing Pumkins before - they were brand new.
Their set wasn't going very well, either. Oklahoma has a lot of faults,
but the music scene here isn't that different than other places.

Somehow, the chemistry between band and crowd broke down.
I've been to hundreds of rock shows, and I've never seen anything like it before.
Between songs, Billy Einstein starts TAUNTING the crowd.
Isn't that a stupid goddamn thing to do?

Between songs, Corgan was saying things like,
"You people suck.You're nothing but a bunch of morons. You people are
 loser, hillbilly theives who just stole your land from the poor Indians."

(Which is true, of course, but you dont SAY that when you're standing
 on a stage, in the light, in front of 15,000 rabid GnR fans.)

Once he said that, all hell broke loose.
People started throwing cups of beer at Billy and the others, throwing
shoes and trash and every damn thing at the idiot who didn't have enough
stage experience to know you don't taunt 15,000 worked-up Okies.

So, intelligently, Billy screams, "Fuck you, we're outta here," and the band
left the stage early, which was OK with the crowd, trust me.

So, it's about 8:30 now, and the lights are back on.
Have you ever heard about Guns n Roses concerts?
They film each show, so there were TV cameras everywhere.

Between acts, with the lights on, the cameramen search the crowd for babes.
A camera would find a cute, young girl and focus on her, and her picture
would.appear on the giant TV screens for everyone to see.
Then the crowd would chant, "Show us!"

Almost every time, the girl would shake her head, "No."
Then the crowd would boo, and the camera stayed on the young girl.
The crowd would continue to boo, then the girl's friends would begin to
encourage her. Perhaps my memory is faulty, but the way I remember it,
every single girl they focused on eventually bared her breasts for the camera,
and got a big cheer, then the cameras would search elsewhere.

Before long, the girls were saving the time and they'd flip up their blouse
as soon as the camera found them. Meanwhile, tick tock - tick tock.

Now, it's 9PM, and still no GnR.

More blouse-flipping, more tick-tock.

Now it's 9:30 and still no GnR.

More breasts on TV, and more tick-tock.

Now it's 10PM and still no GnR.

More breasts, more tick-tock.
More breasts, more tick-tock.

Now it's 11PM, 2.5 HOURS after the Pumkins told us to fuck off,
and we still have no GnR. I figured if there was going to be no show,
they'd have told us by now, so we just waited.

Having followed rock for a long time, I knew Axl had this situation where
he didn't go onstage until it "felt right." By this time, most people were thinking,
"Who the hell does Axl think he is?"

Well, at 11:20, almost three hours after Pumpkins left, it went dark,
and Axl showed us who he was.

They opened with Nightrain and blew the roof off the the dump.
Jesus Christ, the whole arena exploded.
People were having sex in their seats - cops were smoking dope.
(Wait, that was the Stones in New York in 1973, sorry!)

I was so goddamned impressed I had some kind of flashback.
The only GnR I'd even seen was a 1988 show from some club in New York
where they were all drunker n' shit and their guitars were out of tune.
They were still in their double-drunk biker period.

Remember the Welcome to the Jungle video?
They had Axl in teased hair, spandex and lipstick, because it was the
eighties and the idiot record companies (Fizztwo excluded, of course)
made the bands dress that way or they didn't get signed.

But once Appetite shot to Number One, and stayed there, there was
no force on earth that could make GnR do anything they didn't want to.

Bottom line:
Sometimes you have to be a whore, to get your foot in the door.
The really disgusting whores are the ones making $20,000,000
and still wear the spandex and lipstick, and I'm talking to you,
Pigboy and Laura and Harvey the horse molester.

Back to the concert, the band was so good, I thought they were English.
Slash, always under-rated as a guitar player, was a fucking monster.
His manual dexterity had the precision of a Ricky Del Castillo and his choice
of notes was Page-like. I had no idea Slash was that good live.
And Axl's throat was perfect! He said they'd just finished a Mexico City gig, and
since they were back to sea level, his lungs were bursting with oxygen and power.
It could've been Axl's best night ever.

His voice was a combination of hot tea, honey and freshly-squeezed lemon juice.
They were so incredibly polished and professional, it sounded like a concert
by Eric Clapton or some other 20-year clean-as-a-whistle professional,
not some heroin-addicted, out of control, drunken biker gang.

One song after another, I was knocked off my feet over and over again.
Rocket Queen, Estranged, Sweet Child O' Mine, You Could be Mine,
It's So Easy, Live and Let Die, Mr. Brownstone and more - it was total bedlam!
They even made Civil War and Knocking on Heaven's Door seem good!
Mid-way thru the show, Axl was talking to the crowd and then turned
to nobody in particular and said,  "I need a piano."

Just then, a stretch, black grand piano rose up from under the stage and Axl
sat down and started playing the piano like his name was John Paul Jones.
I couldn't believe it.

I didn't even know Axl played an instrument, and here he was playing top-shelf
classical piano like he was possessed by the sober ghost of Sergei Rachmaninov.
After a beautiful, flowing, rambling solo, he led the band into November Rain,
one of the best ballads in rock history. I was verklempt.

Back in the old days, during impeachment, Volume 134 was originally supposed to
be called "November Rain," because I'd made the point that if it's cold and raining on
that November day when it's time to cast your vote, why fucking bother if the right-wing
schweinhunts were just going to impeach your ballot and replace the man we chose to
lead us simply because they fucking could?

Right as it was time to ship Volume 134, I got a really sad, pleading e-mail
from a woman who seemed to have been crying, asking me if this impeachment
circus was really happening, and we were really going to lose this battle?
It wasn't the kind of letter I'd print, if you get my drift.

I assured her Bill Clinton was waaaay too smart to lose to these mother-less F's.
So I changed the title to "To Be a Rock, and Not to Roll," as kind of a
"Stay strong - we're going to win" message to her and other worried patriots.
There's no reason to mention that, other than I can't think of November Rain
without remembering what petty, partisan sons-of-bitches we have in Washington,
and how dark things seemed for the country and the Constitution when the mad dogs
of radicalism were foaming at the mouth in mid-rape, unable to control themselves
in their zeal to get Clinton's Cock at any cost.
(Blood pressure now 210-140)

Back to the concert.
By the time they got to Welcome to the Jungle, they seemed like Gods.
It reminded me of sixteen years earlier when Zeppelin played the same room.
(I got my tape recorder in for that show :)
The place was sizzling like Busch Stadium after a McGwire home run.
Finally, all the lights came up and the band closed with Paradise City.
To quote an elder, they just kept on climaxing and climaxing.
American bands aren't supposed to be this good.
American bands are supposed to suck, and suck hard.
I was just about as impressed as a little Eskimo boy can be.

Axl and Slash - go figure.
It was a night I'll remember on my last day on Earth at Taqueria Canonita..
Whew, I need to take a breath after reliving that memory.

How'd we get here, anyway?
Oh, yeah, that idiot Billy Corgan breaking up his band
because Britney Spears is such a "big threat" to him.

I have a feeling Axl and Slash wouldn't run away from Britney Spears,
but that's another crime for another time.

 Breaking News...

 NRA lawyers have asked the Justice Department if John Hinkley can be
 freed on a work release program if he can prove he has regular paying job,
 say, at a New York Times Square restaurant.

 The vulgar Pigboy is going on and on and on and on like he always does.
 This time it's about "Al Gore - Slumlord."

 I just read an e-mail (that I erased too soon) from a friendly person
 saying the landlord is sometimes responsible for the stopped up sinks.
 This is not true, unless you live in some nutty state.

 If you're a moose that eats a pound of bacon on a loaf of bread and
 pours the grease down the bathroom sink, it's not the landlord's fault.
 Regular maintenance in a house is up to the tenant.
 Maybe in New York City apartments it's the super's problem,
 but in the real world it's the renter's job to handle it.

 If you call a plumber and the plumber says he can't fix the problem
 because the house needs a $1500 new sewer line dug to replace the
 rotted out pipes, THEN it's the landlord's problem.

 I could be wrong - but I'm not.
 (Don Henley)

I have stated many times that I don't like Rosie O'Donnell, the Clinton-hater,
but I must stick up for her in this bodyguard-wants-a-gun issue.

Rosie is an idiot.
Rosie is also very anti-gun.
But reports say her children's bodyguard wants to carry a gun.
Pigboy is going on and on and on and on about this, like he always does.

Two things:

1. If her bodyguard is a trained professional, I don't see any problem with him
    carrying a gun. But if it's a Wal-Mart full of armed dorks raised by this person

  that scares the shit outta me.

2. The McVeigh wannabees and NRA followers are threatening Rosie.
    It's a self-fulfilling prophesy.
    They call and say, "Bitch, I'm going to murder your kids today,"
    so Rosie is forced to arm the bodyguard or remove her kids from school.

    This, like most of life, isn't fair.
    The right-wing doesn't have this problem, because all the gun-nuts,
    all the clinic-bombers, all the religious-suicide pinheads, all the
    high-schoolers who want to celebrate Hitler's birthday by doing something
    that involves black powder are all members of the Christian Coalition.

    Rosie the idiot's bodyguard should carry a gun.
    Whoever denies that permit should be forced to go on live TV
    and anchor CNN's coverage of the funeral of her kids.

 From: Btw72@aol.com
 To: drudge@drudgereport.com

 Subject: Coulter in Penthouse!? I'm dyin' here!!

 Woo hoo hoo! Matt!

 When I suggested you try and get Coulter and Kellyanne Fitzpatrick together
 for a nude and nasty lesbo photo spread in Penthouse, naive puppy I am,
 I had no idea Ms. Coulter had dated Mr. Guccione!!

 Hire me on, Matt!! I have that knack!!
 Great lips a-glistenin,' we're having sushi tonight!!


 ha ha

 Sure btw, I thought everyone knew she dated Caligula.
 Where do you think Ms. Coulter learned to do this?

 Wish I'd said That

 From:  dproberts75@hotmail.com

 To: rotate172@hotmail.com
 Cc: bartcop@bartcop.com

 Subject: Re: Clinton & The economy

>Everyone says "Look at the numbers" but no one wants to
>explain how they get that way, beyond saying Clinton was
>president, which is not a valid argument.

 If you're looking for a serious discussion of economic policy,
 then why are you looking at bartcop.com???

 It is a HUMOUR site...a site that deals in satire and sarcasm and
 whose primary goal is to REFUTE the propaganda of Rush Limbaugh
 and some other Republican hypocrites.
 What YOU'RE looking for is better served at The Economist.com.

 RL-LNW is all about making fun of the idiot Republican hypocrites who
 want to blame Clinton when the economy sours and then turn around and
 claim that Clinton had nothing to do with it when the economy looks good.

 The site isn't as much a tribute to Clinton as it is a tribute to the hypocrisy
 of his foes.  If you're coming to bartcop.com with a neutral position and
 looking at things from an apolitical and objective position, then you're
 OBVIOUSLY in the wrong spot. If you're looking for a good chuckle
 at the idiots on the right, you're in the right spot.

 Dread Pirate

 Matt Fudge, I mean Drudge, is making another no-proof claim.

 This time, he says Hardon Kenneth was being blackmailed because
 he's been packing the fudge of Supreme Court Justice Stevens.

 If you have absolutely nothing else to do, Click Here to read all about it.

 Good old Matt.
 He also has a "dog gives birth to horse" story.

 Is "credibility" Matt's middle name?

New cartoonist in town...

ha ha

Smirk - a clean air guy?

ha ha

Go Mo Paul!


 From: (withheld)

 How long are you going to make us look at that picture on the splash page?
 It's not pretty.

 Not long., I'm already tired of that stupid cow.
 Her goddamn sink stops up, probably from pouring bacon grease down
 the bathroom sink, and she expects the VP to fly to Tennessee with a
 plunger and push the bacon grease thru the pipe for her?

 In every house I ever rented,
 regular plumbing maintenance was the tenents responsibility.

 The real question is:

 Who paid her to make these claims?

 Funny, how Fox Whore News was right there with a camera crew
 and a satellite truck so they could rush that "breaking story" onto the air.

 Does Russia have their own Tom Delay?

 Click  Here

 John Rocker - Lying Nazi Whore?
 I don't think so.

 Sure, he's 100 % Nazi, but he's not lying about it.
 I'm sure he believes every word he said - with all his heart.
 But is he a whore?
 My sources say no.

 Matter of fact, he's proving what I've said since before the impeachment.
 Having his racist ass sent back to the minors will cost him millions, they say.
 He could've kept quiet, and held his temper in check, but nooooooooooooo.
 He HAD to take his lil' stand against blacks, gays and immigrants.
 He just HAD to - forget the cost.

 Like Hyde, Gingrich, Barr, Burton, Livingston and the others,  he was
 determined to follow thru with his racist agenda no matter what the cost.
 John Rocker has hurt his career more than Metallica.
 Why can't these ditto-spanks see that when they try to hurt others,
 they end up doing themselves so much harm it can't be measured?

 Why can't the idiots live and let live and enjoy their power and millions?
 What causes them to risk everything just to try to hurt someone else?

 But then again, if he hates blacks, gays and immigrants, it goes without
 saying he hates Clinton's guts with all his heart and soul, so there's always
 the possibility he'll get a show on the Fox Whore News channel.


From:  jstephan@c2on.net

Some one said Rush Limbaugh was a Nazi.
If Rush were a Nazi He would follow closer to the teachings of Karl Marx .
Karl Marx was on the left no sense in arguing it is a fact.
The Nazi learned from Marx . They were basically Marxist .
Do you at Bartcop ( The Left ) claim Rush to be one of Yours ?

Jerry Stephan

Jerry, use your head.
Would I have a humor page called "Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore"
if that minority-hating bastard was "one of mine?"

Look, we're never going to agree, so let me leave you with a parting thought.
Instead of going back 50 or 100 or 150 years, look around a little.
The KKK and the Aryan Nation and the Whites Only Coalition and the rest
of the McVeigh nuts are all Republican.  Each and every one.
You can pretend they're not if you want.

If the liberals are the pro-Nazi side,
why are the minorities on our side?

If Rush tells you that Clinton leads the side that hates blacks and gays
while the KKK and the GOP really love them - I can't change your mind.

Let's just agree that we'll never agree on that, OK?

 Ask BartCop

 From: watsmata4u@monmouth.com

 Subject: Rocker

 Since the republicans don't mind Rocker going after writers he feels lie about him,
 does that mean Bill Clinton can beat the shit out of Rush now?



 It is decidedly so.


 June 5, 2000

 Less is Less

 From: marius_y2k@hotmail.com

 Subject: And to top it all off, they suck at math too

 From the Chicago Tribune 6/3/2000 - "The facts are clear ... Since Clinton
 was elected in 1992, the number of violent crimes has dropped sharply and
 the percentage of crimes involving guns has fallen at an even faster rate."

 Okay, let me see if this makes sense to anyone else. Since Clinton was
 elected we know gun crimes have dropped dramatically. Even the amount of
 people carrying guns has dropped. It seems to logically follow that the
 amount of prosecution possible for gun crimes would have to drop.

 If there's less crimes, then there is less chances for prosecutions of those crimes.
 This is 7th grade percentages and ratios. Since when has decreasing crime
 been something that even Charlatan Heston could consider attackable?

 Getting more and more pathetic as they blindly attempt to hang on to both sides
 of this issue, when they are so clearly out of step with the rest of the country,
 Heston had this to say : "The N.R.A. is back! All of this spells very serious
 trouble for a man named Gore!"

 Jeff Jordan

 Was O.J. Lying?

 "The results of O.J. Simpson's lie detector test were so bad,
   they indicated he also killed Jon Benet Ramsey."

   -- Jon Stewart, one of the best comics working today.

 Braves' John Rocker Sent To Minors
 By PAUL NEWBERRY, AP Sports Writer

 ATLANTA (AP) - John Rocker was sent down to the minors Monday,
 one day after he threatened the reporter who wrote the story in which he
 openly displayed his Republican attitudes about blacksd and gays.

 Rocker was optioned to the Braves' outhouse in Richmond and was
 also fined $5000 for Sunday's confrontation with SI's Jeff Pearlman.

 Braves officials insisted Rocker's demotion was unrelated to the confrontation.

 ha ha


 ha ha

 Once is Not Enough

 From: Pignbear@aol.com

 Subject: letter to dr. laura

 Dear Bartcop,

 Have you seen this one?
 A friend forwarded it to me last week.
 I wish I knew the original author.

 trapped in Idaho

 ha ha
 Jack, I know the feeling.


 Dear Dr. Laura,

  Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have
 learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many
 people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for
 example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
 abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however,
 regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

  When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
 pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors.
 They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

 I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7.
 In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

 I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period
 of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell?
 I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

 Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us.
 A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians.
 Can you clarify?

 I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
 A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination
 (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
 Can you settle this?

 Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
 defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
 vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

 I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.
 Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

 Truth Mail

 From: watsmata4u@monmouth.com

 Subject: Yes, i am bored...

 Pigboy's show is simply getting too bad to listen to.
 Today i bailed out after a mere 15 minutes.
 I did hear him mention that he visited Hearst Castle, only after they
 closed down for him. He was unable to visit his relatives in the Baboon
 cage at the San Diego Zoo, however because they refused to shut down
 for him and we all know he can't appear in public.


Begala Shoots the Bull


 The Texas Governor has no power when he is beyond his state's boundaries.
 And GOP Lieutenant Governor Rick Perry was out of the country.   So the
 life-and-death decision in the case of Ricky McGinn fell to State Senate President
 Pro Tem Rodney Ellis. I've known Sen. Ellis for years. Texas is fortunate to have
 someone as bright and honorable as its Senate President Pro Tem.

 And Ellis issued the stay.

 But what if he'd decided not to?

 Bush never even called Ellis personally to request the stay. Apparently he was
 too busy sucking up to the swells in Lake Tahoe. If sparing a man's life is not
 worth even a phone call to him, you have to wonder whether Smirk has the
 qualities of heart and mind to make life and death decisions as President.

 Would you bet your life that George W. Bush is up to the job?
 You may have to.

 Rush, did you see today's Doonesbury?

 Clinton: Al, I've been giving a lot of thought to why you're not doing better
                in the polls, and I think the answer is obvious:
                People will always prefer the class clown to the class nerd.
                The fact is, Al, the American people don't really want
                someone too smart for president.

 Gore:    But...but you're even smarter than I am!

 Clinton: Yeah, but ever notice how I do really dumb things?
                There's a reason.

 ha ha

 Pigboy, I just wanted you to know that it's possible to do jokes
 about President Clinton without all the Nazi hate.

 Speaking of Sports...

 Have you even seen a post-game interview with
 the guy who hit the winning home run?
 There's always one guy left in the stands.
 There's always one guy who can't believe his team lost.
 That guy's name is Rotate.

 From:  rotate172@hotmail.com

 Subject: okey doke...

 I think I've satisfied my point.
 I showed you why Clinton didn't give us this boom.

 Hold on.
 At first, the GOP said "There is no boom."
 When the boom continued month after month, year after year,
 you had to change your tune to "Well, maybe there IS a boom,
 and if there is, it must belong to Reagan."

 ha ha

 If you're Catholic, you need to go to confession after that lie.

 It strikes me as odd that you guys didn't want to provide
 any numbers or facts for me, you just stuck to ill-fated logic.

 We've got tons and tons and tons of numbers.
 Numbers are ALL we have.
 You're the one always screaming about "the decline of values" and
 "low army morale" and every other goddamn thing that can't be measured.

 We've got numbers coming out the ass!
 How about the Dow numbers?
 How about the unemployment numbers?
 How about the new housing start numbers?
 How about the continuous growth numbers?
 How about the declining deficit numbers?
 How about the real wage rising numbers?
 Name ANY economic number that can be measured,
 and look at the scoreboard to see how badly Clinton broke the bank.

 That's your problem - the "Super Bowl" analogy.
 You can't believe the scoreboard.

 Out team put the most numbers on the board, and everybody knows it,
 but you want to quiz the  people in the stands and if they can't explain
 to YOUR SATISFACTION why the nickle worked better on the blitz
 than the 6-4, you say the victory doesn't count and the winning team,
 the Clinton Administration, was actually the losing team.

 That's horseshit - and everybody knows it.
 Let me ask you Were you born in America?

 In baseball,
 when the runner touches home plate, you don't demand an explanation.
 It's a score. No explanation is needed.

 In football,
 when the running back steps into the end zone with the ball, it's a score.
 No explanation is needed.

 In bowling,
 when the pins fall down, no explanation is needed. It's a score.

 In pool, when the nine ball falls, you pay the winner.
 You don't quiz the crowd for their interpretation of the ball falling.
 You don't ask what the definition of "fall" is.
 You pay the winner.

 In politics, when the stock market rises, and inflation falls, and wages rise,
 and interest rates fall, and home and auto sales rise, and crime falls,
 you don't surf the web daring someone to explain the obvious.

 You're jealous that Reagan could never provide the boom Clinton did.
 You're jealous that America will work for Clinton, but not Reagan.
 You're jealous that the "trickledown" voodoo-economics lie has been exposed.
 You're a bad loser, Rotate.

 Maybe my email and these articles are why;  the facts don't agree with you,
 so you have to fudge. But perhaps you can change those economists minds
 with your brilliant "super bowl theory". It didn't work on me, but
 perhaps you will have a shot with them (even more unlikely).

 There you go again.
 The scoreboard speaks for itself.
 If we win 35-10, and you find an economist who says
 "Ten is really greater than thirty-five," then good for you.
 But don't ask an educated liberal to explain it to you.

 I'm still interested to know what policies Clinton conceived gave us this
 wonderful boom.

 No, you're not.
 You're interested in calling a spade a diamond.
 You want to look at the scoreboard and say,
 "But you haven't explained the score to my satisfaction yet."

 We don't have to.
 The game is over.
 You lost.
 We won.

 Give me a break.
 You guys are amateurs.

 We just can't accept the facts...

 PS. A challenge back at you:
       If Reagan knew it would take 15 years after he was elected for his
       trickle-down theories to produce a boom, why didn't he tell us then?

       If Reagan knew his trickle-down theories would cause him to spend
       TRILLIONS more in taxes than he collected, why didn't he tell us then?

       Bonus Question: (Extra points if you can answer in 5 words or less)

       Was Reagan better at handling the economy or the military?

 Stroke me, Stroke Me

 "When Mrs. Clinton's people do it, it's not good enough.
   Mrs. People always has to do things her way."

 The vulgar Pigboy took time out of his busy hate schedule to attack
 Hillary Clinton for "appearing in controlled environments only."

 ha ha

 Can you believe that?

 The only thing more hyprocritical than that would be for him to
 attack her for being so anti-family that she's on her third marriage.

 Hold Cheeses, Your Pigness!

When was the last time YOU took an unscreened call?
When was the last time YOU appeared on a talk show where
others were allowed to ask you questions?

On those ultra-rare times when you allow Tim the Worshipper to fellate you,
you always make it a one-on-one situtation so outside questions can't be asked.

Years and years ago, you agreed to go on This Whore with Brinkley,
but even then, not with the adults. You insisted on your own segment,
so the mean liberals wouldn't be allowed to ask you any questions.
You're a lying whore, Pigboy.

Remember when you went on Letterman?
And he called you a "bag of hot gas?"

Remember going on the Pat Sajak Show, Rush?
Remember how you left in tears, you big pussy?

You must feel very brave, attacking the First Lady hiding behind
your lil' urine-colored real radio announcer's microphone.
You big pussy!

If you're going to attack her for hiding, why don't you
take a call from a non ditto-spank once every six months?

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "Most photosynthesis occurs over the ocean."

  ...that would be
  ...the sunlight reacting with
  ...some fish?

 Rush spent the second hour of today's Nazi rally screaming.
 This time, he was screaming at Harvard for "turning people into liberals."

 Pigboy, non ditto-monkeys call that "getting an education."

 Yes, it's true.
 When young skulls of mush attend Harvard,
 they become educated
 and their education turns them liberal.

 Suck on that fact.

 Who knew......was such a family man?

 Excerpted from:  New York Magazine

 The portrait Mrs. Donna Giuliani painted of herself was of a hardworking
 single mother, much like many others in the city, juggling her career and her
 two children, determined to acquit herself honorably on both fronts.

 The fact that she lived at Gracie Mansion as the city's First Lady was almost incidental.

 As a mom and morning-show correspondent for Fox Whores's First Edition
 and Good Day New York, Donna has to be highly disciplined. Her wake-up calls
 are at 3:30 or 4 a.m.; then it's straight to the treadmill, where she runs about four
 miles a morning. "I often go to bed at the same time as my children do," she told me.
 "Nine-thirty or ten at the latest."...

 "Do they see their dad in the morning?" I asked.

 "Often they do. Often they do. They'll say good morning to him.
 But I'm the caregiver, and if I'm not there, then I'll have my babysitter."

 I asked her if the mayor joined them for family dinners.

 "Occasionally -- maybe once every two weeks -- have a family dinner," she said.

 Looks like Rudy is more family-friendly than the average ditto-spanker.
 Eating with his kids every two weeks?

 That's pretty good, considering he was screwing some staffer at work.
 I'm surprised those kids saw their daddy at all.

Starr Eats Another One
Supreme Clowns  dismisses charges Hubbell

The Supreme Clowns handed Web Hubbell a victory Monday that
wipes out his guilty plea to a misdemeanor tax charge.

The justices' 8-1 ruling said Hardon Kenneth's persecutors could not use
financial documents against Hubbell that he produce under a grant of immunity.
"Using the documents would violate his protection against self-incrimination
 under one of the amendments, we forget which one," the justices said.

Hubbell pleaded guilty to the tax charge last year on condition his plea would be
dismissed if the Supreme Court ruled in his favor on whether the documents could
be used. Monday, the nation's highest court ordered HK Starr to keep his word.

"The documents did not magically appear in HK's office like 'manna from heaven,'"
Clown John Paul Stevens wrote for the circus. "They arrived there only after Web
received a grant of immunity" and provided the documents.

Hubbell had reached the plea agreement with Hardon Kenny, who was replaced
by a younger asshole, Robert W. Ray, last October. Hubbell was indicted for
being a friend of the president and his wife since their Arkansas days.

Hubbell argued that Kenneth could not use the papers to prosecute him after granting immunity.
A federal judge agreed and told Hardon Kenny to "knock it the fuck off."

HK argued that Hubbell had no Fifth Amendment protection against producing the documents.
Monday, the Supreme Court called that argument, "horseshit."

Chief Clown Rehnquist dissented, saying he wanted another "big, fancy trial"
so he could wear his "Pirate" robes one more time.

 Pillar Mail

 From: JennyQ1@aol.com

 Subject: Political Talk Shows

 >Are you like me?
 >Are you just sick to death of the political talk shows?

 I don't know what has happened lately, but I REALLY tune them out..

 They are all still PISSED that Clinton ruined them by surviving
 in the face of their dire predictions of his demise. They are angry
 that their months and months and months and months of harping
 was unable to sway the American  people.
 Clinton showed them they HAVE NO POWER
 (and that Chippy the Chimp has better prognostication skills).

 Yeah, I'm sick to death of them.

 ha ha

 Have a shot of Grey Goose - you'll feel better.

 Have any Innocent people been Killed by Smirk?

 Click  Here


Monkey Mail


Dear BartCop,

Please stop making fun of Rush Limbaugh.
He is a great man, helping to solve America's problems.
You don't have to constantly attack him for his position
on tobacco, which is still legal, by the way.

President Clinton is such a phony on this.
"We must save the children," he says.

This isn't about children, and you know it.
Why are you lying to your liberal puppets?
This is a freedom issue.


Lung Cancer

 Inherited or Learned?

 Click  Here

 Ode to Smirk

 Lawyers, Guns and Money

 I started my own business
 I really had no clue
 It lost money fast
 I didnít know what to do

 My dadís friends bought me out
 They took all the risk
 The new business also failed
 Dad, get me out of this, ha

 Iím the son of a rich fellow
 I never will get stuck
 My dadís friends do all the hard work
 And I have all the luck
 Yes, I have all the luck
 Well, I have all the luck

 Now Iím running for president
 Iím a desperate man
 Send dadís friends and money
 Please do all that you can

 Send dadís friends and money (repeat four times)

 Thanks to skisics surus

 Celebrity Mail

 Even though I'm on the other side of the fence, I enjoy the e-mag.
 Do me a favor?
 Could you run that picture of 'Rick the Lick' again?
 I really love that picture...

 John Kasich (R-Nothing but Net)

 Sure, Johnny,  what the Hell...
 I'm a Democrat - to each his own.

 The Return of Brain Smasher


 Thank goodness for work release! The JC Watts penitentiary, or Oklahoma
 Jesus as it is affectionately known is not a nice place for a good Christian
 boy like me. Since I watched the HBO series, "OZ," I was well equipped to
 handle the situation. I met a lot of nice new homey's.

 I also learned many new things. The first thing is not to say anything bad
 about black people. In fact, I love black people, and I am, Mr. Black People.
 It's also helpful to spout off such things as "The Man is oppressing us and
 keeping us down!" Also, there are more innocent people on the inside
 than in the Civilian population.

 I have made a personal "no more meat" pledge. Actually this applies
 only to a few selected meats. Pink and green baloney, salami, and "faux" ham.
 However I did learn to barbecue county style. First the "kitchen" is in the
 bathroom. There you build your "fire." This is done by taking a roll of
 toilet paper and unraveling it around your hand many times. Then, invert both
 ends of the roll from your hand into the middle. When the roll is lit this
 prevents an out of control burn, and a longer burn.

 Next you procure a pencil to use as a kabob stick. You cut the "meats" into
 squares and penetrate them with the pencil to form a shish kabob stick.
 Season the "meats" with finely ground cricket or roach, (pepper), and glaze
 with ketchup from packets. Light the toilet paper and holding the toilet
 paper, cook the kabob with the fire over the toilet. This is important as
 smoke can be controlled, as you can't have food smells wafting into the dorm,
 and if guards come, the fire can be washed down the toilet quickly. Cook
 "meats" to taste or until the roll burns up. Eat with a soup like substance
 purchased from the cart earlier. Feeds one.

 Tattoos are an integral part of being inside and in a story like fashion
 portray one's life travels and adventures. I do not have a "tat" and was
 encouraged many times to "bust a nut" and get my first tat.
 I resisted the idea.
 However, one of my pals said he could make a rub-on-tat and offered
 to make a design for me. I decided to use my beloved's name.
 My pal drew up a design on a piece of paper and heavily inked it on the paper
 many times over with a ball point pen. Then the design and my arm are coated
 with antiperspirant. The tat is placed on my arm and rolled with some object
 to my arm, and Viola! I have my first tat and it's not permanent. My design
 buddy said he felt like he'd "busted a nut on my cherry" went back to his
 bunk and smoked a fag. I felt vaguely violated, but later adjusted well and
 found myself flexing my arm and showing off my new tat.

 I had a wonderful time, met lots of new friends, and learned many invaluable
 things I cannot go into here right now. One of the most amazing things I did
 learn was how many people on the inside have bought or sold cocaine to Jeb
 and George W.

 Remember if you do the crime,
 make sure your DNA doesn't get mixed up with someone else's!

 Prisoner #867-5309
 JC Watts Penitentiary
 Food-Phone, OK

 June 4, 2000

 Heaven is a Place on Earth

 From: joshuatr@humboldt1.com

 Subject: Chinaco

 i am a long time reader of yours and i am also a lazy git so rather than
 look up a back issue or two, i am asking you what the name of that hotel
 is in Vegas with all the mexican restaurants and the collection of
 tequilas to sample.

 my wife and i are spending one night there in a week or so and we
 sure would like to get a decent meal and sample some Chinaco!


 No doubt, the best tasting Mexican food in America is served at
 The Bamboleo Restaurant inside the Rio All-Suite Casino Resort.

 There's nothing like The Bamboleo anywhere else.

 The Bamboleo also serves the ultra-luxury Chinaco Anejo tequila.
 Be sure to get the Anejo, too.
 I tried a shot of Chinaco Blanco, or Silver this weekend - didn't like it.
 The Chinaco Reposado is a great tequila, but you want the Anejo.

 But the place I'd like to die at is Taqueria Canonita.
 It's located at The Venetian.
 Go figure, that Azul Agave Central would be located in Venice, Italy!

 (Click picture for the link - then click "bar.")

 They have entire walls full of uber-ultra luxury tequilas.
 You can buy $25 a shot tequila there.
 But the Chinaco Anejo is only six dollars.
 The best part?
 They have a deal where you can sip three kinds of monster tequila
 for a discount price instead of having to do a full shot of each.
 I've never heard of a bar that would let you take little sips so you
 can test a dozen kinds of fine tequila without getting Smirk-faced.

 They have food, too, but we only had shots of Heaven at the bar.
 While you're test-tasting, they have a little appetizer tree.
 It's a little metal tree with cups of "stuff" hanging from it.

 One cup had this great-tasting bean sauce that was like a dip,
 another cup one had some fresh-cut pico de gallo
 and another cup has some roasted salsa to f-ing die for.

 Ohhhhhhh, I have Vegas feverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..............

 Since you only have the one night, I'd go with the Rio's Bamboleo.
 They have the best food and the best tequila in the same spot.
 When you get back, drop me a line and tell me how it was...

 I recently saw the excellent movie "Frequency."

 I also recently bitched about how whores like Maureen Dowd and
 George Will and most movie critics would rather be "cute" than write
 a review that said something, made sense and came to a clear point.
 I just want people who feel strongly about something to be able to say why.

 Here's an example of a critic who mostly liked "Frequency."
 (Word-for-word, in order, but not complete)
 [Warning: spoilers]

 Frequency - Ham, Not Turkey
  by Mark Ramsey of  moviejuice.com

 In Frequency, the colorful aurora borealis envelops the
 northern hemisphere thanks to unusually overzealous sunspots.
 Coincidentally, Jim Caviezel (from The Thin Red Line) pulls out
 his dad's old ham radio so he can talk to all the people in the world
 who haven't discovered they can do this way better on the Internet.
 Maybe that explains why the only other person on the airwaves
 is Jim's dad, the vastly underrated Dennis Quaid.
 But, see, Jim's dad is dead.

 Frequency flips back and forth between the late 60's and the
 late 90's, much like Timothy Leary and Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream.


 Surprisingly, Dick Cavett has a talk show in both dimensions,
 and - not surprisingly - ratings in neither.  That Stan Winston and
 his special effects wizards have done it again.  They've created a
 Dick Cavett so lifelike, when you trace a line between Dick's
 liver spots, it forms a hypnotic, trance-inducing message and,
 coincidentally, a symbolic representation of an alien similar
 to ancient rock carvings in Central Asia.

 What are you talking about?

 Is it possible to turn back time?
 I don't know, but if anybody could,
 Faye Dunaway would have already done it,
 judging by the looks of her.

 Faye Dunaway?
 She's not even in this movie...

 Thanks to my movie critic training in advanced theoretical physics,
 I learned that string theory predicts the universe has eleven dimensions.
 That's ten more than Denise Richards has, unless you count the three
 dimensions between her shoulders which, incidentally, have been named
 National Historic Landmarks by L.A. area rock-climbers.
 "The reason I don't wear a bra," explains Denise,
 "is that it won't fit over the flags planted by Admiral Byrd."

 Denise Richards?
 She's not in this movie, either.
 This is a movie review?
 Why is he trashing Faye Dunaway and Denice Richards?
 They're not even in this movie...

 Frequency may be one of the most underrated movies of the year.

 Oh, well, I'm glad you had a chance to slip that in between
 non-sequiter personal attacks on two women not in the movie.

 After reading a review like that, it makes me think
 maybe he's not a more better writer than I.

 Are you like me?
 Are you just sick to death of the political talk shows?

 First, we have the blame-America-first crowd:

 We have Tim and Sam and Cokie and George and George and Brit and
 Tony and Fred and Juan and Mara and Bob and Sean and Bill and Newt
 and Paula and John and Tony and Lawrence and Michael and Larry and
 Bernard the pantswetter and that fuck Wolf and Mary and Candy and Bob
 and Robert and Kato and Matt and Mona and Maureen Dowd, of course,

 and Georgie and Jonah and Arrianna and Morton and Chris the Screamer
 and Thomas and Walter, who assign the worst possible motive to every
 goddamn move Clinton has made for the last seven years and called it "news..."

 ...not to mention Rush, Laura, Ollie, Liddy, Michael, Bob, Michael and
 Paul the toothless horse molester trashing Clinton on the radio every day.

 And who takes up the other side?
 The good side?
 The pro-American side?

 There's Eleanor Clift, Bill Press, Mark Shields and Al Hunt on television,
 and in print, Joe Conason, Gene Lyons and Molly Ivins.

 Go ahead, name somebody else.

 I didn't count Begala or Herrendo because nobody watches CNBC
 or MSNBC or whatever loser cable channel they're on.

 The GOP and Fox Whores whine about Carville and Lanny Davis and all,
 but those people are only the occasional guest - not hours per day!

  ...yet they all consider themselves, "balanced and fair."

 If I was still drinking, I'd need a shot right now...

 ...I don't know, either,
 but I know it could only happen in New York.

 If you want to know, click on the picture
 and Matt Drudge will explain it to you.

 Jesse Helms vows he will (and he can) block ANY missle treaty
 that's sent to him this year, even a treaty that's good for America.

 He claims he's doing it because he thinks Smirk the Genius can
 get a better deal from Moscow, but we all know the real reason is
 he just wants to deny Clinton any kind of victory, and fuck the cost.

 If I was Gore, I'd explain to Putin that Smirk won't even be the nominee,
 so if Putin even talks to the Smirk camp about a delay, it'll cost him
 a lot more when negotiating with President Gore in 2001.

 Don't you think it's weird that
 Ricky McGinn would be dead now
 if Chris the Screamer had forgotten
 to ask Smirk about the death penalty?

"Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Gore"

   - the top-selling bumper-sticker of 2002

 Memo to 'Rick the Lick' Lazio:

 You're in the big leagues now, boy.
 You're running for a powerful national position.
 This isn't to see who speaks for 60 square blocks of New York.
 You're on the world stage now.
 The time when you could win an election by eating ice cream cones
 and knowing which subway goes to Carnegie Hall is over, son.

 Let me ask you...
 Do you know who you're running against?
 Do you know very much about your opponent, Rick?

 How are you on the issues, Rick?
 What do you know about national policy?
 Can you tell us what additional drain is put on the treasury
 for every half-point increase of unemployment?

 Can you compare the differences in the experimental work-to-welfare
 programs in Wisconsin, Michigan and Texas?
 Which model looks best to you, and why?
 What's the capitol of Idaho, Rick?

 What's the difference in the HMO deductable between a family
 of four making $23,000 a year and a single woman making $60,000?
 Do you know how a bill becomes a law?
 Have you ever done cocaine?

 Do you know anything about foreign policy, Rick?

 How many countries have you been to?
 How many meaningful conversations have you had with world leaders?
 How man world leaders can you name, Rick?
 How many capitols, airports or exports can you name, Rick?
 What's the euro-dollar ratio right now?

 Tell us what specific sticking-points are holding up permanent treaties
  in hot spots such as India/Pakistan and Israel/Lebanon.
 Can you name them for us, Rick? And have you ever had any
 sexual contact of any kind with any woman besides your current spouse?

 The war between North & South Yemen, who's side are we on there, Rick?
 Between Mauritania, Niger and Namibia, which one has no navy?
 Defend Smirk's call for the United States to have FEWER missles pointed
 at our enemies than our enemies have pointed at us.
 We'd like to hear that position defended, Rick.
 Go ahead - take all the time you need..

 How you feeling Rick?
 A little light-headed, are ya?
 That's nothing - think how Smirk feels about now...

 So, you think about those question, Rick.

 Oh, ...and by the way, Rick,
 Hillary Rodham Clinton can answer every one of those questions
 with Spock-like accuracy without even pausing to take a breath.

 Guess what, Rick?

 Have you ever read Molly Ivins
 when she wasn't right on the mark?

 Click  Here

 "This isn't over between us.
   Do you know what I can do to you?''

 Oops, he did it again!
  Rocker Confronts SI Reporter

 Pigboy's favorite baseball player, racist-extraordinaire John Rocker,
 could be in trouble again.

  The arch-conservative caveman had a confrontation Sunday with the
 Sports Illustrated reporter who first reported his racist rants, making
 offensive (to liberals) comments about gays, minorities, immigrants
 and even calling black members of his own team "gorillas."

 The reporter, Jeff Pearlman, said Rocker threatened him, but there was
 no physical contact between the two. The Braves said they were
 investigating and teammate Brian Jordan (one of the "monkeys")
 called tha racist punk a "cancer."

"I'm amazed he hasn't handled himself the right way,'' said Jordan.
"Geez, if the guy has nine lives, he's using them up pretty good.
 You've got one guy being a cancer time and time again,'' Jordan said.
"Eventually, it's going to have an effect on the team.  Hopefully, he'll change.''

 Bad news, Brian.
 They hardly ever change.
 This is a racist country.
 How many "Rocker for President" signs have you seen?

 Many, many Americans agree with Rocker.
 There are more racist thugs in this country than most people realize.

 Sometimes, they run for president.

 Best Quote Heard Lately

 "Don't get upset by people you don't respect."
  -- Jack Nicklaus

 Clinton's a golfer.
 I'll bet he read that quote back in the 80's.

 "F" the Press

 From:  msmith@netwood.net

 Subject: Friedan Clobbers Anti-Clinton Presswhore

 From today's LA TIMES Betty Friedan interview by Elaine Woo:

 Woo:  "Do you think that Gore is suffering from some
 fallout over the Monica Lewinsky scandal?"

 Friedan:  "What is that?  I can't stand the way  you media people
 just trivialize everything.  It's the campaign for the president of the United States.
 What is your concern with some little twerp named Monica?
 What has she got to do with the presidential election?
 That just disgusts me."

 Mike Smith

 Who Knew the GOP had Rappers?

"You faggots keep egging me on
 Til I have you and knifepoint, then you beg me to stop"

"My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head whether you're a f-g or a les."

"Hate fags?
 The answer's yes."

 --Eminem, voting for Smirk this year
    The good news is, he got arrested last night.

Does a President even need a Brain?

"You can buy clever,"

  - Uncle OJ Watts (R-Col sanders) talking to voters in Carolina,
    reassuring them that a president need not be a thinker.

 From:  jstephan@c2on.net

 Subject: Nazi

 Who's  the  NAZI ????

 Jerry Stephan


 Who's the Nazi?
 Well, there's more than one,
 but Rush Limbaugh is the one I write about the most.

  From:  heckuba@yahoo.com

  Subject: Correction

 Hey there Bartcop, Once again I must correct something that you
 repeat time and again. you say Rush is lying when he says he lets
 Liberals go to the front of the call list.

 Thats not what he says, as long as the liberal has something meaningful
 to say about an issue of the day then he lets them to the front.

 The thing is most of the time liberals have nothing meaningful to say.
 So they don't get on the air.

 Have a Great Day:)


 HH, I see your point.
 But if liberals never have anything meaningful to say, why does he bother
 with the charade of saying he puts them first in line?

 We both know the truth.
 He's afraid to debate anybody unless he can control the screening process
 and gets to keep his hand on the volume button at all times.
 He's worse than Alan Colmes at debating.



Kevin Cunningham is the best photo-tooner on the www.
If you think so, too, you can go to http://www.cunninghamstrikes.com/
and leave your opinion in his guest book - maybe he'll write back..

That way, when he gets rich and famous working for Rolling Stone or Playboy,
you can say he's your good friend from the old  bartcop.com  days.

A shot of Chinaco for Kevin Cunningham!

From: (withheld)


I've heard the GOP's funny comments about Al Gore
wearing makeup in certain on-camera situations.

We've been down this road so many times,
I can tell you exactly how it will play out:

1.  GOP draws attention to Al Gore's "scandal"
2.  Pundits express outrage and revulsion.  Falwell states that Satan is
     delighted that his work is being done.
3.  Mildred from Peoria calls into radio and TV to express shame and
     embarrassment over this sad day for America.  Says that the founding
     fathers would vomit if they knew something this sinister would happen.
4.  Some level-headed person asks "Do you mean to say that no GOP
     members ever wore makeup?"
5.  GOP responds by either denying or by saying that maybe one guy,
     in their long history, may have done so, but they certainly don't condone it.
6.  Someone spills the beans and indicates that Ford, Reagan, Bush,
     Dole, Quayle, Kemp, George W. , etc., etc., etc., all wore makeup on TV.
7.  GOP responds by saying that may be true, but not as much or as
     often as Gore.
8.  Rush tells his ditto-monkeys that Democrats are on The Attack over
     the makeup issue.  Says that the fact that Democrats even brought up
     the makeup issue is proof they have no good ideas of their own.
9.  Ditto-monkeys, including Mildred from Peoria, express revulsion that
     Democrats would attempt to smear someone for something as innocuous
     as wearing camera makeup before going on TV.
10. GOP lays low for a couple of months, and than stealthily jabs with the
     issue again and again.  Any attempt to set the record straight, or put things
     in perspective is met with "Let's not talk about this, I have Clinton fatigue."

This was (with variations where appropriate) the routine with:

Clinton and Reagan White House Coffees
Gore's and Everyone's Fund-Raising Telephone Calls
Hillary and Reagan and Bush Secret Service Protection
China Spying
The Use of Polling
The Use of Focus Groups
The Use of Air Force One/Marine One to Attend Fund Raisers
Inviting Championship Sports Teams to the White House
Visiting Natural Disaster Areas
Other Photo-Ops

 Mail Bag

 From:  sirshackleton@chicagostreet.com

 Subject: where oh where did Brainsmasher go?

 What ever happened to Brainsmasher?
 He hasn't made an appearance in a while.

 Fred Collingsworth

 It's too bad about Brainsmasher - I miss him.
 Brainsmasher violated his parole and had to do 90 days at
 the JC Watts Penitentiary just outside Food Phone, Oklahoma.

 He's due out any day, when he contacts me
 I'll ask him if he's up to writing something.

Read  Previous Issue

 Go     bartcop.com

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