Vol 208 - A Simple Kind of Life

 June 3, 2000

'Lazio the Lick' a 'Gingrich Clone'
 "Worse Than D'Amato" observers say.

 Scorecard measures pro-labor votes and
 government spending programs it endorses.

 Career ratings:

 D'Amato ...... 47%
 Lazio ........... 34%
 Gingrich ......... 9%

Lazio the Lick didn't know until about two weeks ago if he
would ever get a chance to run for the Senate. His fallback
career track was to ascend in the GOP House leadership,
where he is a cabanaboy and butter toady to archconservative
majority leader Armey the foul-mouthed Dick, of Texas.

Chamber of Commerce:
'Lazio the Lick' is a 'Gingrich Clone'
"Worse Than D'Amato" observers say.

U.S. Chamber of Commerce Rates members of Congress
on how often they support business over consumer interests:

Career ratings:

D'Amato ......  67%
Lazio ...........  85%
Gingrich ......   90%

 Lest We Forget

Even at the height of Tom Delay's impeachment efforts,
most Americans stuck with their best president at 57 percent..

But when Reagan lied about selling missles to Big Terror,
only thirty-something percent (uneducated) stuck with the loser.

Impeachment haunts Jim Rogan's re-election effort

"I'm so very sorry I participated in the Clinton Cock Hunt.
  For two years, all I could think about was Clinton's Cock.
  I had his cock in my brain for so long, I lost my way.
  I may be a no-good whore-bastard, but please trust me again - please?"

GLENDALE, California (CNN) -- Rep. Jim Rogan (R-Prick) is in the fight
of his political career. He is in one of four key California races, with the
Democrats needing only six seats to gain a majority in the House.
Rogan is running in a district that is increasingly Democratic. He hopes to
get a bounce from John McCain, everybody's favorite former non-whore.

"I think history will judge him with kindness and praise for the job
 that he and others did trying to reverse the voters' decision,"  McCain lied.

This former judge and prosecutor rose from obscurity to be lured into being
one of the House impeachment managers in Tom Delay's attempted rape of
Bill Clinton during his 1999 trial in the Senate. It ended in acquittal, but made
Rogan a huge hit among the all-white, Cro-Mag, anti-government crowd.

Rogan told this reporter if he loses the election in November,
he can always make a living as a whore for the NRA or Big Tobacco.

 Fellow Governor Touts Smirk's Blank Mind
 Washington Post Staff Writer

 ALBUQUERQUE, May 31 –– It probably was not the anecdote that
 the Smirk campaign would have chosen.

 This morning, introducing Smirk a crowd at the New Mexico Veterans Park,
 Gov. Gary E. Johnson (R-Cocaine user) told this story:

 "At one of these governors' conferences, George turns to me and says,
 'What are they talking about?'

 "I said, 'I don't know.'

 "Smirk said, 'You don't know a thing, do you?'

 "I said, 'Not a thing.'

 "Smirk said, 'Neither do I.' And we kind of high-fived."

 The moral of this story?

 "My point here is, when it comes to politics, it's hard to find somebody who
 would admit--or rather, talk about--the things they don't know."

 Johnson appeared to be commending the Texas governor's humility, his
 willingness to acknowledge what he does not know. But for Smirk, a mental
 lightweight struggling to demonstrate that he has the gravitas, the intellect, to
 be president, today's introduction was somewhat reminiscent of one offered
 by Uncle.O. J. Watts (R-Col. Sanders.) in Carolina in February.
 There, Uncle O.J. said, "You don't have to be smart to be president."

 After Johnson's introduction, Smirk delivered his regular stump speech.
 He left the Johnson anecdote alone.

In an appeal to Catholic voters on Friday, George W. Bush,
the current record-holder for most state-sanctioned murders
in the entire western hemisphere of planet Earth since 1995,
stunned Catholic observers by calling for 'a culture of life.'

Even the Catholics had to laugh at that one.

*** BartCop Exclusive ***

bartcop.com  has obtained this authentic photograph of presidential
candidate Governor George Bush of Texas posing with a white person..
This is not a  bartcop.com  gag.

This is an actual, untouched photograph.
To prove it, we are offering copies of the negatives.
The woman is Meghan DeChaume, and she's a real person.
She was not hired by an agency.

We believe  bartcop.com  is the first site on the web to have
an authentic photo of Smirk posing with a white person.
The mainstream press and the Smirk campaign have decided to
ignore  bartcop.com  hoping we'd go away, but we believe this
new exclusive evidence will force them to recognize us.

I wonder how this Clinton-hating, baby-rapist is doing?

Yes, it's Green Bay (formerly) tight end Mark Chmura.
I understand his current husband is Duke Johnson in Cell Block "D."

My sources tell me Chmura, even tho he's broke, uses every last penny
to purchase Vaseline and Ambusol from the prison commisary.
Why the Ambusol?
Mark has developed the Coxsackievirus.

ha ha

If you're young, handsome, athletic and well-built,
and in prison for raping a defenseless young girl,
I wonder how many cigarettes your ass goes for?

Yo, Smirk!
Where's Canada?

"Give me a minute - there are so many countries to keep track of..."

Folks, meet the luckiest son-of-a-bitch in the state of Texas.
His name is Ricky McGuinn.

Smirk has been running thru executions at a rate of one every 17 days
for five years and finally, since he's running for president, Smirk was
pressured by Chris the Screamer into checking to see if this
scumbag is actually guilty before he orders the state to murder him.

Ricky, trust me, Dude.
Buy some Texas lottery tickets.

If you win, you could afford an attorney who will remain awake
for every portion of your court date asking for your stay of executionl.

"Some members of the press have called me stupid and I'm not.
 Some websites, bartcop.com in particular, have accused me
 of  being 'dumber than a goddamn stump in the ground.'

 I am here to challenge this stump to a debate on this issues.
 I want the American people to know I'm not stupid,
 not like they say, and I'm always up for a challenge.
 All I'm asking is that you give me a chance to be your president."

(Ediotr's note: Reporters scored the debate for Bush, 58-42.)

 Christian Conservatives should be ashamed of themselves,
 even the ones who  Click Here

 Blowing for Prophet

 From: Christian Mitchell

 Subject: Whistleblowing Made Easy

 In an effort to help the RNC in their glorious and God-given duty to
 uncover the ugly truth about our shady, sleezebag VP  Al Gore
 (if that’s even his real name), I have put together a little memo that
 they could send out to prospective whistleblowers in the interest of
 expediting the swift and almighty sword of justice on the head of the
 man who is coming to get your children and deport them to Cuba:

 Check all that apply in each category:

 ( ) I
 ( ) A friend of mine
 ( ) Un unnamed source close to the Vice-President
 ( ) The Vice President’s cleaning lady
 ( ) A guy who parks cars where Al and Tipper had dinner a few months ago
 ( ) Crazy Elvis at the laundromat

 ( ) Saw
 ( ) Heard
 ( ) Overheard
 ( ) Read a memo in which
 ( ) Had a dream in which
 ( ) Heard from my dead aunt who I just contacted in a seance
 ( ) Didn’t see anything but I’ll just betcha

 ( ) The Vice President
 ( ) An aide to the Vice President
 ( ) The Vice President’s Hairdresser
 ( ) The Vice President’s 7th grade girlfriend
 ( ) Source close to the Vice President

 ( ) Lied about
 ( ) Exaggerated
 ( ) Took a campaign contribution from
 ( ) Got blowjob from/gave blowjob to
 ( ) Influenced
 ( ) Snubbed at a dinner party
 ( ) Didn’t send Christmas card to
 ( ) Tore the mattress tag that says “Do not remove under penalty of law”
 ( ) Ordered “grande” latte at Starbucks and only paid for a medium
 ( ) Walked when sign clearly said “Don’t walk”
 ( ) Other________________________

(Insert victim of crime here)

(Insert other unfounded accusation here)

(Attach semen sample here)

 I/We are

 ( ) Shocked
 ( ) Outraged
 ( ) Offended
 ( ) Disgusted
 ( ) Demoralized

 At/by this

 ( ) Reprehensible
 ( ) Sleezy
 ( ) Morally bankrupt
 ( ) Socially unacceptable
 ( ) Outrageous
 ( ) Disgraceful
 ( ) Miscreant

 behavior, which

 ( ) Demeans
 ( ) Corrupts
 ( ) Belittles
 ( ) Taints
 ( ) Discredits
 ( ) Debases


 ( ) Office of the Vice President
 ( ) Constitution
 ( ) American family
 ( ) Democratic party
 ( ) Country in the eyes of the world
 ( ) Well, just everybody, gosh darnit

 Note: Proof is not necessary. We know you’re good people -- we’ll
 take your word for it as long as you cross-your-fingers-hope-to-die-
 really-really-really saw/heard/overheard/read/just-know-the-son of a bitch did it.

 Put Bank location and account number here for transfer of “disclosure fee”

 Best scandal wins an overnight stay in the Lincoln bedroom during
 George W. Bush’s presidency, a one-year NRA membership, and
 complimentary “Free Tim McVeigh” t-shirt.

 Only one scandal submission allowed per household per day.
 All entries to be judged by Jim Nicholson, Wayne LaPierre and Richard Mellon
 Scaife; decision of the judges shall be final. Members of the NRA, the KKK,
 the Bush campaign, Massabama residents, Chris Matthews and Ann Coulter
 encouraged to submit. Cultural elite and point-headed liberals need not apply.

 Those not submitting scandals can expect a visit from Ken Starr
 regarding the legality of their adopted child’s paperwork.
 Illegal wiretapping permitted, but you didn’t hear it from us.

 The RNC is a registered trademark of the National Rifle Association
 and R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company. All rights for sale.

 By  Christian Mitchell

                 Molly's Hatchett

                    Governor, what have you done for this family?

                    AUSTIN -- Personal note to George W. Bush: Wasn't that a great
                    graduation ceremony last Thursday night? I know you are terribly
                    proud of your daughters, Barbara and Jenna.

                    You probably remember Kristy Reyna -- she was the only one of the
                    400 Austin High graduates who was in a wheelchair. Kristy was the
                    young woman with the million-dollar smile -- always reminds me of
                    Magic Johnson's. That smile and the big thumbs up as she rolled
                    across the stage lit up the whole Erwin Center. I think she got a
                    bigger hand than your daughters. It was a lot harder for her. The
                    entire Reyna clan was there, on their feet, cheering madly.

                    Kristy was born 21 years ago with spina bifida and has been through
                    10 operations to correct some of the effects of that birth defect.
                    So it took her a little longer to get through school. Her mother is
                    Hope Reyna, single mother of five, who supports her children by
                    working as a housekeeper. (Let's hear it for Big Rudy, who kept up
                    the child support and who was there to see their second-oldest
                    child graduate.)

                    For many years, every year on Kristy's birthday, Hope got on the
                    Greyhound bus and rode six hours down to San Juan to pray at the
                    shrine there for a miracle for Kristy. Then she got back on the bus
                    and rode six hours back to Austin. I believe that miracle came last
                    Thursday night, when Kristy graduated high school.

                    Governor, I think you should know there is not one single thing you
                    have ever done in public office that has helped the Reyna family. If
                    you've ever wondered why I seem a little sour about your record,
                    chalk it up to the Reynas.

                    I know you've helped the oil industry and the insurance industry and
                   the funeral industry and the herbal-diet industry and the utility
                    industry and all those air polluters with your new voluntary clean-up
                   program. All those people who have given so generously to your
                    campaigns. But everything you have ever done that touched the
                    life of the Reynas has made it harder for them.

                    When Big Rudy wasn't working, the other kids had no health
                    insurance. Kristy got Medicaid and SSI from the federal government.
                    (The Republicans in Congress wanted the SSI taken away on the
                    grounds that poor parents like Hope might have coached their
                    children into "faking disability." You should come and see Kristy's
                    "fake disability" some time.)

                    You wanted to keep 200,000 Texas children like the Reynas off the
                    new federal children's health insurance program, even though it
                    would hardly cost the state. But then, maybe you agree with your
                    Health Commissioner Reyn Archer that health insurance isn't

                    You tried to make it harder for poor moms like Hope to apply for
                    Medicaid for their kids. You got a tax cut for property owners, but
                    Hope doesn't own any property -- she pays the same regressive
                    sales tax everyone else does, but it eats a bigger proportion of her
                    income. It's nice that the high-tech industry you favor has made
                    Austin boom, but it's also made it impossible for people like Hope to
                    buy a house and it has forced up rents.

                    Molly Ivins is a columnist for the `Star-Telegram.' You can reach
                    her at 1005 Congress Ave., Suite 920, Austin, TX 78701; (512)

 How many times have you heard the She-Hulk say,
 "To grow up balanced, kids need the influence of a Mummy and a Daddy!"

 I've heard that a thousand times, how about you?
 I got a question:
 How much influence does Lew Bishop have around the Schlessinger home?

 What I'm asking is...
 How much influence do you think Lew Bishop has on Dehrechyche Schlessinger?
 You think it's fifty-fifty?
 The way I hear it, Lady Kimodo has Lew making appointments with her service
 when he says he wants to kiss the little bastard good night.

 Can you imagine what it's like living with the female Furio?
 At work, the She-Hulk keeps her kingdom tidy with the volume button.
 I wonder what she uses around the house?

 I wonder what it's like being poor Lew Bishop, getting the cold shoulder from
 deserto freddo di dolore, for breaking some major house (read "her") rule
 about speaking to his first family on the phone on Christmas Eve?
 Christ, the poor bastard (elder) didn't even get to give his son his name.

 I wonder how that conversation went...

 Kimodo: Lew, the baby is going to have my last name.

  Bishop: Now wait a minute. That wasn't the deal! I said that you didn't
                have to take my name, but you agreed that our children...

 Kimodo: Maintain low tones with me, Lewis!
                Maintain low tones!

  Bishop: But Honey, that's right out of the liberal-feminist handbook.
                That's more radical than anything Hillary ever made Bill ...smack!

 Kimodo: You watch your mouth, Mister!

  Bishop:  Ow!  That hurt!
                 Jesus Christ! Why the hell...smack!

 Kimodo: Watch your language, Mister!
                 I'm not going to warn you again.

 Bishop: Son of a bitch!
               I think you broke my goddamn...smack!

 Kimodo: Stop cursing and I'll stop kicking.   ...smack!

  Bishop: Ow!
                My eye! My eye!  I can't see!  ...smack!
 Kimodo:  You had enough?
                 The kid's name is Schlessinger!
                 Got it?

  Bishop:  <snivelling>  ...but what do I say to my male friends?

 Kimodo: Your what?
                Your what?
                Answer me, Lewis!
                Your what?

  Bishop: ..........<sniff>................nevermind, dear...
           My eye sure does fucking hurt!

 Kimodo: What was that, Lewis?

 Bishop:  I, ...I, ...I said "Good luck at work, Dear."

 Kimono: Go to your room, Lewis!

 Bishop:  Yes, Ma'am...

 Yep, it's a good thing little Dehrechyche will grow up balanced
 from the influence of a normal, healthy Mummy and Daddy!


 From:  TLautenschlager@nmpd.state.nm.us

 Subject: The Pope

 It never ceases to amaze me how the god squad needs to
 have it both ways as far as their "beliefs" and cold hard logic
 in order to rationalize their religious insanity.

 Personally I could care less what the want to believe
 as long as they keep it out of the schools, courts, and
 don't try to ram it down other people's throats.

 Pity they can't follow the word of their "lord"
 and pray to themselves as is commanded in Matthew 6:5-6.

 ha ha

 June 2, 2000

 Great Lying Scumbag Quotes

 "Gov Bush is closing the gap in California - big-time!"
   --that pants-on-fire liar Sean Hannity

 ha ha

 Hey, Sean, you a gambling man?
 How about you and me gamble on that, Sean?
 Loser goes dark for a year - deal?

 Smirk couldn't carry California with a fork-lift.

 Why are you lying to those sheep, Sean?
 When Gore carries California by 22 points,
 will you say he pulled a dirty trick at the last moment?

 California won't even see the GOP nominee, whoever he is,
 during the months of September, October and November.
 He'll be too busy trying to shore up the backwards states - you know,
 Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas, Carolina and Massabama.

 C'mon, Hannity - let's gamble!

  This space left blank.

 Mail Bag

 From:  skisics@yahoo.com

 Subject: Smirk's perfect running mate

 According to Cal Thomas:

 Bush's impressive trial balloon

  TIME MAGAZINE'S report that Smirk has John Danforth at
 the top of his running-mate list is good news on several fronts.

 First, it shows that Bush was never that serious about picking
 PA Gov. Tom Ridge the Catholic. Ridge would be a bitter pill for
 pro-life and conservative religious voters to swallow.

 Yes, the GOP is full of Catholic haters.

 Second, Danforth is the moral opposite of the Clinton-Gore sleaze machine.

 Cal, suck me on the "sleaze machine." Hate Clinton-Gore all you want,
 but they never fucked a friend the way Smirk fucked McCain, saying he
 sold out the Vietnam POWs and withheld funds for breast cancer.
 Clinton-Gore have never done anything that sleazy, you whore.

 Third, in a profile of Danforth last fall, CNN referred to him as
 "a man of high integrity who put principle above partisan politics.''
 There are not many about whom that can be said.

 What about Jimmy Carter?
 He was the most honest president we ever had, and the right-wing hated
 his fucking guts almost as much as Bill Clinton's. The GOP doesn't respect
 honesty or integrity - they're Klingon's for Christ's sake.
 The only thing they respect is a good, old-fashioned red-ass spank-fest
 like the one Clinton subjected them to not once, but twice.

 Fourth, he is currently winding up the Waco investigation of Vern's suicide
 at Waco. He has kept such a low profile that most people probably
 have forgotten he was appointed by Janet Reno to head the inquiry.

 Maybe, but what will the Clinton haters think of him when he reports that
 Vern killed himself, not Bill Clinton?  When that happens,  he'll command
 about as much respected as Hardon Kenneth or Robert Fiske.
 He doesn't have a chance without a Waco smoking gun, Cal.

 Fifth, Danforth was an early supporter of the impeachment of Bill Clinton,
 though he warned against the process becoming partisan, which it did
 when Democrats put power above principle.

 Jesus Christ - this article is more slanted than Pythagoras's erection.
 It takes two sides to be partisan, asshole.
 To say one side was made up of statesmen and legal scholars and the
 other was a bunch of partisan hacks is farther than even I would go.
 I think they're all whores.

 Danforth could take the role of a sermonizer and set the example
 that will guide us away from the moral darkness of the last eight years.

 ha ha

 Danforth is going to do that how?
 By playing second-fiddle to a brainless cocaine monkey?

 ha ha

 Danforth would be at his best taking the role of a goddamn dog food salesman,
 which is what he's been all his life.
 Have you ever heard of Ralston Purina and Checkerboard Square?
 That's the real John Danforth without the spin.

 Danforth could also serve as a kind of "older brother'' to Bush,
 assuring the public that someone of proven maturity is always on call.

 Make him stop!

 It's OK if we elect an ignorant fuck-monkey
 because we'll have Danforth to baby-sit him?

 ha ha

 Go Smirk!

 I Am Struck...

 I am seriously struck by the amount of liberals and thinkers who
 have gotten thru to Pigboy's show this week - since he's not there.

 Walter Williams had three complaintants in the first thirty minutes.
 That shit Mark Levin had caller after caller challenging him.
 Hannity the Classless is having to endure one right now as I type.
 Did Rush's screener go on vacation with him?

 Remember how many times the Vulgar Pigboy has lied about,
 "the liberals always go to the front of the line?"

 If that were true, the 49,000,000 people who voted for Clinton
 would be put at the front of the line and Pigboy would never, ever
 get to hear from a worshipping ditto-spank.

 So, everyone knows he's lying about that, right?

 According to Rush, that means there are only ten liberals in America,
 and they get on his hateshow at a rate on one every other week - sometimes.
 The only mystery is why he'd let the curtain be drawn back while his
 less-than talented substitute Nazi's are attempting to take his place.
 Any ideas?

 Could it be that the "King of Debate" isn't even as good at
 "defeating liberals" as substitutes Williams, Levin or Hannity?
 If Williams, Levin and Hannity have the balls to face the people,
 why doesn't the vulgar Pigboy have any courage?

 You HAVE to have noticed this if you've listened this week.

 (Before I could hit "send," ANOTHER caller started busting
  Hannity's balls for cheating and lying about Elian Gonzales.
  How did a slice of honesty creep into the EIB?

  But you watch - come Monday, all calls to that show will be,

 "Oh, Rush, you're so great, so honest and soooo impartial.
  You always take the high road with your class and dignity,
  Please, Rush, please have kids with Marta so your greatness
  can be passed down to future generations, Your Highness.")

  ...makes me want to fucking hurl.

 Pope's Gunman says he was Destiny's Tool

 Mehmet Ali Agca, who shot the Pope in 1981 said his fate
 was responsible for his actions, and his words carry a lot of weight.

 "It is clear. I was predestined," Agca told Reuters from prison.

 He described as "the last piece of the jigsaw" the Pope's disclosure that
 the attack was foretold in a message given by an apparition of Virgin Mary
 to three ignorant, backwoods, country farm children way the hell back in 1917.

 He has never explained his motives.  Agca told Rueters,
"We simple have cameo roles in the mysterious project of God,"

 Now - who can argue with that?
 I'm just glad out children were here to witness those words.

 Since the Virgin Mary appeared and foretold that the Pope
 would be shot, did it not have to happen? If Agca's fate and future
 was pre-determined by Almighty God, what choice did Agca have?

 Was he going to tell God, "Sorry, I'm busy that day?"
 Was he going to tell God, "I prefer not to do as the Virgin Mother said?"
 Agca sits in prison for a crime he was unable to not commit.
 Is that justice?

 Since he's been in prison, Agca probably hasn't seen "Dogma."
 In that movie, Ben Affleck and Matt Cantact set out to prove
 that God makes mistakes, and eventually they succeeded with the help
 of some donkey-urine Jose Cuervo tequila, but that's another story.
 But Agca probably doesn't know about "Dogma."

 So, should Ali Agca be set free?
 If he was only a pawn in God's plan, was he responsible?
 Is it sacreligious to disobey God's script?
 Did God actually have a script?
 Or was it just a "first draft?"

 The next time you watch the Godfather, watch closely when Sonny
 discovers his pregnant sister has been severely beaten by her husband.
 If Sonny looks into the camera and says, "I'd better not take the Causeway
 to kick Carlo's wife-beating ass, because Barzini's boys might kill me,"
 then I'd agree that Agca is guilty, because it would prove that actors
 can change the script if they just want it bad enough.

 Was Agca "just following orders?"
 Was Agca "just follwing God's script?"

 If the Virgin Mary appears and says, "Smirk will withdraw from the
 American presidential race in August," does Smirk have any choice?

 ha ha

 Wait, bad example...
 Smirk will withdraw because  bartcop.com says he will.

 ha ha

 So, if you're a person of faith, and you believe Agca was part of God's Big Plan,
 he should be set free.   But if you're a person of logic, who doesn't believe in
 virgin mothers or invisible ghosts or sixty-year generic shotgun "predictions,"
 you probably agree with Ol' BartCop and believe that the murderer-wannabe
 scumbag bastard belongs in jail until his balls rot off.

 C'mon, you people either have faith or you have logic.

 Either God knows the future or he's ignorant of it, like you and me,
 but you can't pick-and-choose which times He knows & doesn't know.

 That'd be cheating, and unworthy of a Christian...

 We lost Tito Puente

 I knew who Tito was, but I wasn't the biggest fan of his music.
 However, Tito holds a place in  bartcop.com  history.

 Years ago, he was audited by the IRS.
 He was on CNN bemoaning his upcoming audit in his thick, Cuban accent..

 "There's no reason for the IRS to hassle me.
   I'm an honest person who has always paid his taxes.
   I have even been to the White House - twice!
   I played for two presidents, President Cleentone and President Butch!"

   Rest in Peace, my friend...

Can 'Rick the Lick' Save the GOP?

 From:  ninjabob@clack.com

 Subject: GOP gunning for First Family

     It seems like Rick the Lick wants to be written into an episode of West Wing.
 It wasn't that long ago where an episode explained that the First Family NEEDS
 secret service protection so that the President can't be held hostage through his family.
 Yet, Lazio wants Hillary unprotected so that any whipped-up nutcase can take a shot
 at her, as quoted by Adam Nagourney of the New York Times;

 "By dusk, The Lick was attacking the first lady as a cloistered carpetbagger,
 saying she was using the Secret Service to shield her from the press and the public.
 "We're not going to have a bunch of bodyguards to hide behind," he pledged."

     Maybe he can wipe that shit-eating-grin off of his face long enough to realize
 that he's not important enough to require bodyguards.  I suppose that faceplant
 in the parade did more damage than the fat lip.

 Ninja Bob

 Bob, you're onto something here.
 The GOP doesn't have the brains to realize how much their party would be
 hurt if one of the Clintons were to be martyred. History would record that
 the Clinton's gave up everything so save America from the Reagan Error.
 History would say, "And after dogging them for 8 years, and fabricating
 those wild-ass impeachment charges, the GOP finally decided they were
 tired of having their brains beat in and ordered them assassinated."

 Think what that would mean:
 Bill's likeness on a coin or maybe on the ten dollar bill.
 Cities in every state re-named "Clintonville."
 Schools in every town re-named "WJ Clinton Middleschool."
 The newest aircraft carrier would be the "Clinton."
 The birth of the Clinton Dynasty, when Chelsea married a Kennedy,
 and not one of those Shriver semi-Kennedy's - a REAL Kennedy!

 ...and, dare I say


 ... Mount Rushmore?


 The GOP has never understood that one thing that keeps Clinton afloat
 is the plain-as-day FACT that America doesn't like all that Nazi hate.
 If the Republicans backed off,  and stopped accusing Clinton of
 everything since the crash of '29, and let the public see Clinton
 as a human being with flaws, his numbers might drop.
 But nooooooooooooo.

 Their never-ending hate is what keeps costing them elections.
 Their seething, smoldering disgust for Clinton is their glue.
 It's all they have.

 From: (withheld)

 Hey Bartcop:

 If Rick Lazio has a better chance against Hillary than Rudy did,
 why wasn't he the GOP's first choice?

 Let's face it: Rick Lazio is sloppy seconds, and even he knows it.

 ha ha

 Stuck in the Dust Bowl, I don't get a lot of New York politics,
 but I heard that Fat Lip Lazio wanted the job, but Wacky Pataki
 said he wanted Rudy, "the perfect candidate," so Lazio stepped aside.

 While I'm on the subject of "perfect candidates," let me predict:

 Whoever Smirk picks to run with, Rush and the Fox News whores
 will claim he's the "perfect" running mate.

 You notice, there's nobody currently being mentioned as "perfect,"
 because nobody is. If somebody was perfect, he'd be the obvious
 choice and we'd all know it. But Smirk is going to pick some dork
 who will suddenly be declared as "perfect" as Rudy was.

 What Smirk needs is a bona fide conservative member of congress
 known as an intelligent man with plenty of foreign policy experience.

 It's gotta be someone we know, because the voters won't trust two
 inexperienced learning-on-the-job nobodies to run the country.

 He's gotta be relatively young, too.
 Not a kid, like Smirk, but an old-timer won't do.
 (Remember when Dole wanted Donald Rumsfeld - from Watergate?)
 Lugar would work, except he's too damn old.
 The last old, senile coot almost spent us into bankruptcy.

 Actually, McCain is the perfect candidate.
 Not too old, knows the rules, knows foreign policy, but McCain would
 rather go back to the Hanoi Hilton than join Smirk's Bad Adventure.

 ...and besides  bartcop.com  will anyone else mention this?

 I know!
 Senator John Ashcroft, mule-sexer from Missouri.

 If Smirk taps Ashcroft, Marc Perkel (R-Liberal) will be the GOP's only
 candidate for Senate from Missouri, and I will be his James Carville!

 ha ha

 If Perkel pulls this off, I will recommend to him that the first thing he does
 as a Republican candidate is APOLOGIZE for the vindictive hatred that
 has overtaken "his" party and cost them the last two presidential elections.

 I will recommend that Perkel first apologize for the Clinton Cock Hunt.
 Then, apologize for the GOP's hatred of blacks, gays, women and immigrants.
 Then apologize for Rush Limba, Laura the Unloved and Fox News
 If he strikes a chord in the victory-starved GOP, he could catch on.
 Marc Perkel could become another Jesse Ventura, but with brains!

 Stay with  bartcop.com  thru the election.
 We'll cover every issue that counts, and we'll do it BEFORE the networks
 because the talking whores will have to wait to get their faxes from their
 respective headquarters in Washington, whereas on  bartcop.com you'll
 get the unvarnished, no-whore scoop before any marching orders are given.

 ...and when Smirk is forced to withdraw, you can tell your friends that
 you read the website that predicted Smirk's immolation a year ago.

Did Gore Feed Friend Federal Dollars?

The newly nice Gore may face some ugly questions about a
contributor's contract caper. The Associated Press reports that
the Justice Department has uncovered a memo detailing a
possible strategy for Gore to steer a $400 million federal
contract to a top Democratic donor. The unsigned, undated
and unaddressed document declares that "Gore has called or is
ready to call" then-General Services Administrator Roger
Johnson on behalf of developer Franklin Haney, a longtime
friend and donor. The deal would have given Haney, who was
acquitted last year on charges of illegal fundraising, favorable
lease terms in a federal building. Gore has denied any
wrongdoing and any knowledge of the memo.

Can you believe the shit that passes for journalism these days?
Some unknown person produces an unsigned, undated "memo,"
addressed to nobody, suggesting that a vice president has or
"may be ready" to implement "a possible strategy" to "steer"
a "favorable" lease on a building to a friend?
That makes me want to fucking hurl.

They say Gore faces "ugly questions."
I'd say "ugly" is the one word in that story that's true for sure.

I'm so old, I remember when reporters had to source a story.
Have you ever seen "All the President's Men?"
Ben Bradley refused to print a story without two sources.
Since the Clinton Administration, the new policy has been,
"Fuck it - if someone said it - we print it!"

Remember When Reagan murdered that Puerto Rican prostitute
with a golf club in 1985?  The press refused to give it any ink.
Nobody reported a goddamn thing because they couldn't get
a second source to verify it. All they had was a castrated corpse
and a bloody six-iron with a bald-eagle insignia on the grip.

But today, if Virgil claims he saw a woodchuck, the press pulls the cord
and stops the whole goddamn train to run the story on the front page..

I suuuuure would like to see Smirk win this election,
because I'm damn tired of playing defense.
I want to see some GOP asshole accused of crimes
when there's no evidence just to see what happens.


I've seen the future and that's not going to happen..
Smirk's going out with a flash like the Hindenburg,

but the press will play it down and quietly phase in McCain,
because Smirk's immolation has nothing to do with Clinton's Cock.

 BartCop at the Movies


 She's been wanting to see a movie, and she must be made happy.
 I thought she was going to drag me to see Tommy Cruise,
 but she said she'd go see "Frequency" if I'd rather.


 No need even for a spoiler here, I won't give much away.
 I remember a story in the paper, years ago, maybe 1988 or 90,
 about a trucker asking a cop for directions on his CB radio.

 He asked the cop how he could get to Highway 9, or something.
 The cop said he didn't know where Highway 9 was.
 The trucker said it was in the panhandle, near Pensacola.
 The cop said North Dakota didn't have a panhandle or a Pensacola.
 Then they figured out something was "funny."
 It was some solar flare deal or something that grabbed the Florida trucker's
 CB signal and bounced it off the atmosphere back down to Dakota.

 ...and Mr Rotate,
 solar flares are real, even if I can't explain them, OK?

 Anyway, this movie sorta builds on that solar flare true story.
 It's about a Dad in 1969 who, during a 30-year high for the
 Aurora Borealis, is playing with his short-wave radio in 1969 and
 somehow reaches his grown-up 6-year old son playing with his
 short wave radio in the year 1999.

 I mean, hey!
 It's more possible than what the Catholics are selling...

 So the son, in 1999, gives his dad back in 1969 some advice
 that changes the time-line, like you've seen on Star Trek-TNG.

 I'm real big on plot holes and the missing set of rules,
 but this movie seemed to tie things up in an acceptable way.
 Mrs. BC knows if I leave a theater without running thru a long list of
 ways the producers could've made the movie better, it musta been good.

 They set the rules up early in the movie, the burnt desk, the altered
 photographs like in Back to the Future, so if you can buy the idea of a
 short-wave radio into the future it becomes a damn enjoyable two hours.

 I highly recommend "Frequency," starring Dennis Quaid,
 Homicide's Andre Braugher  and  newcomer-with-a-future Jim Caviezel.

 Rated PG - take the kids.

 And there's a nice bonus if you like baseball...

 Celebrity Mail

 From: (withheld)

 Subject: Nixon used makeup, too!

 He used it for his TV debates with Kennedy in 1960.

 Nixon had a big problem with heavy stubble, but he didn't have time to shave
 before the debates (and probably didn't want to risk cutting his face minutes
 before going on national TV). So the TV makeup artists had him put on a
 facial coverup powder called Lazy Shave - a coverup powder that also helped
 conceal the hollows under his eyes and make him look youthful and energetic.

 Trouble was, Nixon, under the hot klieg lights, sweated like the stuck pig he
 really was. The Lazy Shave wouldn't stay put, thus creating a mudslide-like
 effect on his face that not only exposed both his dark-hollowed eyes and his
 stubbly face, but had the added undesirable effect of rather accurately
 simulating leprosy.

 From that moment on,
 Nixon always smeared his face with antiperspirant before he went on TV.

 ha ha

Officials: Wendy's Massacre Suspect Was a Fugitive

 This time, prosecutors say, he's not going anywhere.

 The 36-year-old convicted felon walked out of a Queens courthouse
 less than a year ago on $3,500 bail on a robbery charge.
 That, authorities say, was a mistake.

 Now, he will remain locked up while investigators build a case against
 him in the massacre of five people last week at a Wendy's, authorities said.
 Five were killed, two were wounded.
 In the meantime, the son-of-a-bitch is being held without bail.

 Authorities admitted it was a far cry from how the purp was treated
 the last time he was hauled before a Supreme Court judge in Queens.

 Two holdups in a week

 The murdering bastard was arrested last June minutes after robbing a
 McDonald's in Queens. The Scumbag admitted it was his second time
 in a week that he had robbed the same restaurant, according to the documents.
 He was so goddamn guilty, when the cops grabbed him,
 he still had the pistol and the cash-filled bag in his hand.

 But that evidence wasn't enough to keep Taylor behind bars, authorities said.
 Prosecutors had a full confession he gave the night of his arrest,
 and they asked that bail be set at $100,000.

 The judge didn't agree.
 She set his bail at $3,500.
 Taylor posted it and was released.


 When he failed to show up for court, a bench warrant was issued for his arrest.
 He was a fugitive when he walked into the Wendy's last week.

 Prosecutors said the judge erred
 when she allowed the Scumbag,
 a convicted robber,
 to go free on such a paltry bail.

 Who was this idiot judge?
 Why wasn't Rush outraged about this?
 Why wasn't Laura the Unloved outraged about this?
 Why wasn't Bill Bennett outraged about this?
 (After all - where were the parents?)
 Why wasn't New Yorker Sean Hannity outraged about this?
 Why hasn't Fox Whore News been all over this huge story?

 You know the reason, don't you?

 Because Clinton's Cock was not involved.

 It was Rudy who appointed the idiot, turn-em-loose judge,
 so it's "just too bad" that seven families were destroyed.

 Had it been a Democrat-appointed judge, the whores at Fox News
 would have to purchase time on a second satellite to enable every
 conservative to bemoan the nation's fall into the abyss,
 no doubt due to the liberal elite and "their minions and ilk."

 You see?
 Those whores can tell lies with silence.

 Rush, Laura, Bennett and Hannity couldn't care less about some
 minority murders in Queens if it's not related to Clinton's Cock.

 Scaife won't pay for murders caused by a conservative.

 ha ha

 Larry King deserves every bit of this...

 The Misery Index

 From:  gaverr@mail.cvn.net

 Subject: Unemployment

 I just read yesterday in the Harrisburg paper that unemployment
 in Pennsylvania is the lowest it's ever been in 40 years.

 Also, Washington Co. Md, just across the Pa/Md line from me
 is now at 3% unemployment.

 Can this get much better?



 Vote Smirk 2000!

 ha ha

 Check him out!
 Gov Bush is going to fix America!

 You know how I know?
 Because everyone is real tired of Bill, Hillary, Al Gore
 and all that goddamn peace and prosperity!

 ha ha

 What this country needs is a big-ass war, where hundreds
 of soldiers die, so we can feel good about ourselves again.

 (We've seen what peace has done to their morale...)

 We need those Reagan unemployment lines again,
 so our children can once again regain their moral footing.
 Nothing builds character in a child like a Great Depression.

 Maybe Dad will be laid off for the first time in 8 years, too.
 And Mom can get her job back as a waitress at the bowling alley,
 so we can get some human dignity back in our lives.
 After all, that whole American Dream thing is the Devil's workshop.

 I remember the Paradise we had before Bill Clinton came along.

Yes, I remember Bill and Hillary, riding into Washington on their
 big, white horses to destroy the supply-side Eden Reagan gave us.
 You won't believe this, but there were those skeptics who said that
 Reagan's plan to slash taxes for the job creators and then spend
 more money than every president COMBINED was "ill-advised"

 Swear to Koresh!
 Can you believe that?
 Liberals - they just don't know how to dream.

 The Reagan-Bush miracle was just taking hold when Clinton
 bamboozled the electorate and stole the election with lies and tricks.
 Why, no telling how prosperous we'd be if Clinton hadn't come in
 and almost killed it with his cockamamie liberal elite economic ideas.

 I think the voters will validate what people like Bill Bennett and
 that wonderful and sincere Dr. Laura say, that those extras like
 money and savings and health care and education are good - sure!

 ...but at the cost of our souls?

 ha ha

 Gore couldn't lose this election if he fucking tried.
 So, on election day, let's all get drunk and Vote Smirk 2000!

 ha ha

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