Common And not so Common Facts About Conservatives
 By Dylan Walker

 Dedicated to  Sharon Underwood  and her son in Vermont.

 Facts About Conservatives and Homosexuality:

 Fact: Conservatives use religion to abdicate their responsibility to be thinking human beings.
 Fact: God is not for the privileged majority and God knows gays and
 lesbians did not commit any sin by being gay or lesbian.
 Fact: A wise person once said, “Whatever happened to the idea of striving
 . . . to be better human beings than we are?”
 Fact: Conservatives preach about protecting families and children from
 homosexuality while they tear families apart and drive children to  despair.
 Fact: Homosexuality is not some sort of sub-culture out there that people choose to join.
 Fact: The same is true about heterosexuality.
 Fact: If conservatives want to tout morality, they best come up with
 something besides their own heterosexuality.
 Fact: Sexual orientation is not a choice, a bad habit, a character flaw
 or anything that can be “corrected” by a 12-step program.
 Fact: Homosexuals have fought in every major war alongside heterosexuals
 and bothered no one.

 Facts About Conservatives and Abortion:
 Fact: Conservatives believe in the “sanctity of life.”
 Fact: Conservatives invented the “sanctity of life.”
 Fact: Conservatives are all for protecting the life of an un-born child,
 but if a child should become a doctor they may have to kill him.

 Question: If the sanctity of life is so important, then why do
 conservatives worship violence?

 Fact: Conservatives preach getting government off the backs of the
 American people, but when it comes to abortion they don’t seem to mind
 government being in a woman’s uterus.
 Fact: Conservatives are anti-choice. In other words, they do not believe
 a woman should have the right to choose parenthood or other alternatives.
 Fact: Conservatives are anti-Sex Education.
 Fact: In cities and states in which Sex Education is taught, teen pregnancies
 and abortions are lower than in cities and states which do not teach Sex Ed.
 Fact: If conservatives would allow Sex Education to be taught, they
 wouldn’t have to kill so many doctors.
 Fact: Conservatives use religion to abdicate their responsibility to
 thinking human beings.

 Facts about Conservatives and Firearms:

 Fact: The Supreme Court ruled in five different cases that no American has the
 exclusive right to keep and bear arms, only the right to a well regulated militia.
 Fact: The “well regulated militia” mentioned in the Constitution is today
 the National Guard.
 Fact: Only through the National Guard does a citizen have the exclusive
 right to keep and bear arms.
 Fact: When the NRA whines about “defending” their “right to bear arms”
 they are really just blowing hot air out of their asses.
 Fact: When the NRA is reminded that the Constitution has no provisions to
 give every citizen the right to bear arms, they revert to their “Plan B.”
 Fact: The NRA “Plan B” is usually some argument that citizens must be
 armed to defend themselves from the Government.
 Fact: This is bullshit.
 Fact: Even the NRA recognizes the “Militia interpretation” of  the
 Constitution on page 30 in their handbook.
 Fact: Therefore every argument about “defending rights” is right-wing
 rhetoric and should be dismissed as much.

 Facts About Conservatives and AIDS:

 Fact: Some conservatives believe that being a “responsible”  heterosexual
 makes them immune to AIDS.
 Fact: AIDS is a sexually transmitted disease and can be transmitted to
 anyone, regardless of sexual orientation and political affiliation.
 Fact: Gay men being gay did not create AIDS. Human beings having
 promiscuous sex and sharing needles created AIDS.
 Fact: Again . . . Conservatives use religion to abdicate their
 responsibility to be thinking human beings.
 Facts About Christian-Conservatives:
 Fact: Christians refer to individuals who believe in Christ Jesus as “believers.”
 Fact: Christians do not refer to those who reject Christ as  “non-believers.”
 Fact: They refer to them as “lost.”
 Fact: I hate that.
 Fact: Christians have used the religion to make money for two-thousand  years.
 Question: How come nobody noticed?
 Fact: When preachers sob over the “poor” or the  “lost” they always ask
 for money to help turn the poor or lost around.
 Fact: Preachers never offer to foot the bill for rehabilitating the  “poor” or “lost.”
 Fact: They expect you to pay for it.
 Fact: About thirty percent of Christians believe one can be a liberal and
 a good Christian at the same time.
 Fact: Eighty-two percent of Christians are conservative. Thirty-one
 percent are strongly Republican. Which is why I suppose they’re stupid
 enough to vote for Bush Jr. And Senior, for that matter.
 Fact: In the 1996 Presidential Campaign, ninety percent of Christians
 voted for Bob Dole.
 Fact: Above all of the Republican Presidential Nominees, Pat Buchanan was
 most favored.
 Assumption: Given the evidence, at least twenty-eight percent of voting
 Christians are Right-wing bigots.
 Fact: Eighty-two percent of Christian-conservatives feel that abortion
 should be outlawed except to save the mother.
 Fact: Conservative-Christians do not believe in women’s rights.
 Fact: A majority of Christian-conservatives believe that  “traditional”
 families, religious (Christian) people, and gun owners need more governmental
 protection than minorities, immigrants and homosexuals.
 Fact: Ninety-seven percent of Christian-conservatives are white, and
 sixty-seven percent are male.
 Fact: Fifty-five percent of Christian-conservatives have been married more than once.
 Fact: Only fifteen percent of which have been married as many times as
 Rush Limbaugh or Newt Gingrich.
 Fact: An over-whelming majority of Christian-conservatives are Pro-Family.
 Fact: An over-whelming fat man named Rush is also Pro-Family.
 Fact: And so is Newt “Dead Beat Dad” Gingrich.


Privacy Policy
. .