You Missed the Best Line
The Paul Begala rant
Other than raising their own pay, the GOP
can't pass anything --
they can't even pass the salt without the permission of the Salt Lobby.
-- Paul Begala 06/14/00
No doubt, Paul is the man.
He wrote the line,
"When bad ideas get to $40 a barrel,
I want the drilling rights to Dick Armey's head."
Christ - that's up there with "Koo Koo ka Joob!"
Subject: The Difference Between Bush and Gore
Just saw this on NBC.
A rich businessman made an offer today to Bush and Gore.
If they'd debate on the topic of education only, he'd donate $500,000
in each candidate's name to the children's charity of their choice.
What do you think their answers were?
Gore jumped at the chance.
"I'd do it tomorrow!"
Bush, on the other hand, dismissed the idea entirely and said
businessman should find a better way to spend his money.
Bush is going to lose.
Bartcop, I must say that you went too far
with the Britt Hume son thing.
(you came dangerously close to limbaughism there)
Remember, his SON never harmed us or the cause of liberalism...
Former President George Herbert Traitor Butch is seen here saluting
wife Pickles, just before he turned around and kissed a secret service agent.
By the way...
Does the state of Texas really allow Pickles to operate a motor vehicle?
That guy or person was just another Libertarian in Ditto-Sheep clothing.
Privatize this, privatize that.
That is the Libertarian answer to everything.
What if one guy didn't want to pay for paving his side of
the local street in his neighborhood? Does it stay a mudhole
or do the neighbors pool together and pay for it to be paved
in front of his house, can they then charge him for it?
Why should he benefit from their good judgement.
Same goes for schools, he doesn't want to pay to support his local
school but he still has the option of sending his kids there.
Remember your argument about Idaho or Massabama closing their
borders to all persons who aren't white.
What about the privatizing of the Armed Forces, who has the command of it.
Can each town have it's own Navy?
Don't fall for this line of BS.
Privatization of social services never works.
There is still the need for government oversight because of the amount of
abuse or neglect inherent in that kind of system, there is nothing to force them
to offer the best service available.
Imagine what HMO's would be like without the government
having mininum standards of care that they must provide.
I could go on for days, but I'll stop now.
Outlook Express says I have 3716 unread messages
I don't know what else to do but download them
and read them in the old folk's home in 30 years.
Would you like a new, free Epson printer?
Go to http://www.cunninghamstrikes.com
Paul Begala Shoots the Bull
Sec. of Energy Richardson asked for $65 million to improve security.
The Republican Congress gave him $11 million. It's like ordering someone
to paint a fence that requires seven buckets of paint,
then griping when he can't get the job done -- even though
you only gave him one bucket of paint.
The gun nuts are forever griping that we don't enforce the current
So here's a proposal that would do just that:
fund state and local prosecutors to go after gun criminals.
But the Republicans on the House Appropriations Committee
killed the Clinton gun enforcement provision.
Why? Because they don't really want to enforce the gun laws --
never supported them in the first place. It is highly disingenuous for
people who opposed gun laws like the Brady Law to complain they're
not being strictly enforced. And it's extraordinarily hypocritical for
Republicans to simultaneously call for stricter enforcement and
kill the President's proposal to strictly enforce the gun laws.
But of course, the phrase "hypocritical Republican" is redundant.
Thanks to http://gwbushart.port5.com
Counterpunch to Santa
Thanks to http://gwbushart.port5.com
Subject: Hello from a friend
I write a political HUMOR page at www.bartcop.com
I deal in anti-Rush and anti-Dr. Laura rhetoric.
I'm straight, but I don't think the gay community has a
better friend on the www than bartcop.com.
That being said, I'd like you to read something from today's column:
The Latest (http://www.bartcop.com/late.htm)
June 14, 2000
Today's Fastest Finger goes to Michael Medved.
It goes without saying that anyone Pigboy allows to sub for him is a joke,
but Medved is one of those guys who just needs a good, hard slappin'.
His latest in USA Today:
Gays Unfairly Target Dr. Laura
Who represents an uglier threat to the gay community?
A wildly popular hip-hop artist (Eminem) whose best-selling album describes
violent assaults on "faggots," or a radio shrink who dares to disagree with the
political and cultural agenda of homosexual activists?
Gee, Mike, didn't Hitler "dare to disagree" with the political
cultural agenda of the Jewish activists?
The question isn't which one is worse.
If one is an "8" and the other is a "9," why should we debate
the relative degree of hate between "8" and "9?"
Seems to me if Republicans were decent human beings, they'd ALL
hating gays, and screw whichever book told them hate was a good thing.
John Rocker doesn't belong in the same group as these two hatemongers.
Rocker said some stupid, hateful things, but that's not his career.
Eminem and Laura the Unloved hate gays for a living!
I do agree with the title, however.
My question is why does Rush the Pigboy get a pass?
It's my semi-expert opinion, (because I listen to every Laura
that she doesn't really hate gays - she's just a dirty, slimy whore.
She discovered she could raise her profile, thus make more money,
by letting Republicans think she hates gays. That's sad, sick and true.
She used to take calls from gays with relationship problems, and
suggest ways they could work thru their problems - but not anymore.
Rush, on the other hand, doesn't even hide behind the Bible.
He's a walking "faggot" joke.
Whenever he mentions Barney Frank, a gay congressman, he plays
the song "Lollipop, Lollipop" and giggles because he's so proud of it.
Why is the gay community giving Rush a pass?
Laura make be a disgusting whore, but the Vulgar Pigboy runs the
Whatever Rush says on Wednesday or Thursday, a GOP Senator or
congressman will say on the following Sunday shows. Rush writes the
Laura isn't the biggest threat - Rush is.
Laura is just a whore.
Rush is a whore with the power to affect legislation.
I call on the gay community to open their eyes to the real threat.
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"If you want to see how to run a school without much money,
go look at a Catholic School and follow their example."
-- Senior Puerca, today's first hour
You know how the Catholics do it?
They hire unmarried, childless women and pay them NOTHING!
They're called nuns!
These women sign away their civil rights when they join up, too.
Amazingly, they take a vow of poverty, chastity and obedience.
Granted, I've been out of the system for decades, but when I was
my Mom gave a watch to a nun friend, because she couldn't afford one,
and the nun had to ask Mother Superior for permission to own a watch.
Mom also gave her some albums, Mitch Miller or whatever, and she had to
leave those when she got shipped to South Pago Pago
Maybe things are still the same, maybe not.
But I know Catholics change as fast as the Grand Canyon.
The nuns can't even decide where they want to live.
They become wards of the system, not unlike Cuba.
Like the Borg, they're assimilated into this giant organism, where they
lose all aspects of their identity and even take new, masculine names,
to further indoctrinate them into the system. I grew up being diciplined
by Sister Mary George and Sister Mary Robert.
Do the men have to jump through all these hoops?
Are you kidding me?
The men run the system.
Men can be Generals, Captains, Colonels, whatever.
The top rung for a woman is Corporal, as in punishment.
So go ahead, Rush.
Recruit all the slave labor you want for the public schools.
Take away the crazy-book glue the Catholics use and you've got chaos.
Jesus, if free labor was available everywhere,
I'd still own a rock n roll nightclub and a Pub and Grill.
More Trouble for Smirk
Should we get all the gubment we pay for?
There's a new column out by my good friend Joe Conason.
Swear to Koresh, I wrote my "Finger in the Wind" piece (below)
before I read Joe's column. If you're not paying close attention
you may find the two writings similar.
Click Here to read the writings of a pro.
Joe's the best.
Can't agree more with a few statements you made in Issue #4:
For Less Government
I'll join my Conservative friends calling for less government.
1. If my wife or daughter is pregnant, I'll invite the government
to butt the hell out of ANY decision my family makes.
2. When I access the Internet, or turn on the TV, or go to a movie,
I want LESS government. (Bob Dole, call your office.)
3. If I want to grow weeds and smoke them, I want LESS government.
4. I DAMN sure don't want the government to decide which prayers
are to be mandated in my kid's classrooms.
5. If Howard Stern mentions a subject Donald Wildmon doesn't like,
why can't he just change the channel?
I have a few dozen more, but you get the drift.
If the GOP really wanted less government,
wouldn't they agree with me?
But, you left a few out:
1. If me or any of my family members need
medical attention, I'll
invite the government to butt the hell out of ANY decision we make.
(Universal Health Care, anyone?)
Are you saying you're satisfied with the cost of medical care today?
I assume your real last name is Scaife, DuPont or Walton.
2. When I refuse to live my life under state
mandated politically correct
or Christian Coalition values, I want LESS government.
Dittoes to that.
3. If I want to purchase firearms and shoot them, I want LESS government.
You think anybody should be able to purchase any amount of firearms
of any kind he desires? Would that apply to those two disgruntled high school
kids next door who're breaking glass and loading black powder into pipes?
In this case, I want more government intrusion.
4. I DAMN sure don't want the government
preventing me from educating
my children how I want or where I want. One should have the right to assure
that their children are being taught as they see fit, under values that they approve.
To a point, sure.
But what if you were raised in a family where the daughter gives Dad a
"little sugar" if Mom's tired? What if your dad beat you with his fists if you forgot
to mow the lawn? Extreme examples, sure, but you said "as they see fit."
If you go crazy, I'd want more government intrusion.
5. If Rush Limbaugh, vile prevaricator
that he is, makes a statement bartcop doesn't
like, why can't he just ignore him and change the channel? (But I suppose that
this has less to do with government, and more to do with maturity.)
Lots of ways to go with that one.
1. If Rush doesn't like the voter's choice, why doesn't HE go fuck himself?
2. Did I call for Limba to be muzzled, or taken off the air?
3. If I disagree with racial and ethnic hate, I'm immature?
4. Suck me for the personal attack. It was unnecessary to make your point.
I have many, many more, but you get the drift.
If you really wanted less government on
wouldn't you agree with me on these?
1. I disagree that our medical system is
just fine the way it is, Mr Du Pont.
It needs fixing, but I don't have all the answers.
I think Bill and Hillary could've fixed health care like they fixed the economy,
but we'll never know because the GOP started screaming "The sky is falling."
2. I agree the Coathanger Coalition should dictate to nobody.
3. I disagree that more guns of all types to all people is the answer.
You can be a sane gun-owner, I'm proof of that.
To suggest "no limits" on firearms is just plain crazy.
4. Keep your hands off your daughters, you pervert!
Societal norms take precedent over your "parental rights."
5. I agree Rush should be allowed to spew as much hate as the market allows,
but isn't it sad that Nazi hate is such a best-seller?
Personally, I'd like to see the KKK have their own show.
One of the funniest men I've ever seen is the KKK guy on Howard Stern.
If he had a weekly show, I'd watch and tape every episode.
When you say that less government is a dangerous
or (dare I quote the
inventor of the Internet?) risky proposition I think you are making the
assumption that government is the only entity that can get things accomplished.
In my extreme example, if you're molesting
your daughters, who should intervene?
What power or authority do they have?
Many issues of a corporate nature (such
as meat & poultry inspections,
public safety, and public health) could be taken care of by privatization.
Value-Jet was supposed to consider the lives of their passengers.
Same for Alaska Air, Food Lion, Six Flags over Texas and Hasbro baby carriers
which were still killing babies YEARS after the design flaws were discovered.
Capitalism, by it's very definition, is caveat emptor.
With drug legalization and decriminalization
of other offenses (provided by fewer laws,
or less government) we would have less need for judges, prosecutors, and jail space.
I agree 100 percent.
You have stated that there should be less
government when you access the Internet.
I agree with you.
You have also stated that with less government strip joints could easily be
built next to schools. Does the Internet, or its deregulation, pose a different threat?
Certain websites prey on those who misspell or look for particular URLs.
What's to keep children from arriving on mature sites, but regulation?
(Perhaps Bob Dole has an answer, or maybe his office.)
I could go on and on.
The Internet is the same as the mail, a TV, a VCR tape or a gun.
It can be used for evil, but that doesn't make it evil.
Thanks for reading.
While I do enjoy your examples of conservative hypocrisy,
I am laughing at your liberal naiveté and Puritan-like judgementalism.
I know you meant that as an insult,
but laughter is all I'll ever ask from you.
My prediction that Bill Richardson will be our next VP is in jeopardy.
He needs to find those hard drives.
You can always tell how serious something is by who the GOP picks
to be in charge of running the investigation. Any time Dan Burton is the
guy looking into a "scandal," you have a guarantee it's an idiot-spankfest.
But for these missing hard drives,
they've gotten former Choco-Chief-of-Staff Howard Baker and
Lee Hamilton to look into the missing hard drives. And tho neither
breaks the bank with me in the credibility department, compared to
investigators Burton and Klayman, they belong on Mount Rushmore.
I agree with the Republicans that this is unacceptable.
Jesus Christ, to take a library book out, you have to show your ID and
sign documents. But the hard drives with the nuke secrets can be taken
by anybody with a badge?
A favorite old Dennis Miller bit was on the Lee Harvey Oswald
Security was tight at Dallas Police HQ that day?
If they let in the owner of the local titty bar, who were they keeping out?
Same with these hard drives.
If they're not protected, what the fuck is?
It's my guess the hard drives are just mis-filed, but if they
them soon, President Gore will need to look again for a VP.
Subject: I'm confused...
In light of the revelations that George
W. didn't report to his
Air National Guard Unit in Alabama for a year, and in the off chance
he gets elected President... will he be referred to as Deserter-In-Chief?
We'll never know...
I think this here is worth a look.
Courtney Love has never been my favorite, but I've seen award
where she had the best band in the house, and that shocked me.
The best thing she does in this piece is to proclaim,
"I've got the goods. Sample my work, I'll bet you'll want more."
All artists should have that attitude.
Jon Stewart just got a killer line.
"Pat Buchanan's selection of Dr. Laura as a running mate doesn't
he's anti-gay so much as he's pro-harpy."
I realize being a passionate liberal you would
never vote for dubya or
any other republican for that matter but you have got to agree that
Al Gore is not your first choice to be the leader of the free world.
Of all the people running, Gore's the sane choice.
I am going to conceed that all politicians are
slippery to some extent
and all of them, republicans and democrats, pander to special interest to
get the votes they need but that horse of yours is pure evil.
You forgot to put the lil' :) after that paragraph.
Compared to who?
Stalin and Pol Pot?
Even Rush and Laura have refused to go that far, but give them time...
From the lost emails,
Only in today's America could "lost e-mail" be considered a crime.
If Gore was committing crimes, and KNOWING that the crazy seed spitter
from Indiana had subpoena power, wouldn't he tell his big crime buddies to
e-mail the floor plans and the armored truck map to the home of a trusted staffer?
When asked why they need to see the e-mails, Burton says,
"To see if there's evidence of any crimes."
...and you want to reward those guys?
to being a slumlord,
Think about that for a second.
Gore will spend $100,000,000 to run for president.
Do you think he's going to tell that idiot Carthage plumber to "take his time,"
or "get to it when you get a chance" or "just fix it temporarily?"
You can't think Gore is dumb enough to risk the presidency on
whether the white-trash, whale-lady's toilet flushes?
Besides, I think she's getting paid by Fox News.
to having a toxic waste site on his property
Haven't heard that charge yet.
Was it from the Gore chicken farm, the Gore pig farm or the old Gore refinery?
to campaign funding issues,
Have you been watching Fox News?
Campaign finance laws make less sense than the Catholic religion.
Phone calls from an illegal White House phone?
If Gore broke a law, why don't they impeach him?
to just plain making shit up.
The Internet/Lovestory/Lovecanal/ trifecta did not come in.
All that is as real as the Clinton "tarmac" hair cut in 1993.
When the camera is off, the Republicans admit Gore never said any of that,
but if they can pretend, and score points with red-meaters, they will.
Besides, Gore is party of that "Peace and Prosperity" team.
I think the phrase is "Stay the course."
Does none of that matter?
Well, none of what you listed matters.
Gore may be more guilty than Patsy Ramsey, but of what?
It's like Clinton being so guilty of "Whitewater, Travelgate and Mena
But "Whitewater, Travelgate and Mena airport" aren't crimes.
Those are just words that the GOP uses to raise money.
For it to be a crime, reasonable people have to agree it's a
That's why the GOP can't catch any Democrats committing any crimes.
They can convince each other, but not the educated people.
Cause these are not character issues, like Clinton
(except for the making shit up)
These are conflicts between what he says he believes in to what he does.
I'm interested in your insight
Is Gore honest?
Depends on the meaning of the word "is."
In my opinion, again, you have to ask yourself, "Compared to whom?"
- Smirk has to fudge about cocaine because honesty would kill him.
- Dole promised to move to Kansas if he lost.
- Bush promised no new taxes, and said Clarence and Quayle were qualified.
- Reagan said there were "no missles on those two small planes" to Iran.
- Ford testified that he wouldn't pardon Nixon.
- Nixon said he was not a crook.
Whenever you think of political honesty, remember that 1952 was the
the GOP elected a president who wasn't sprayed by the Pardon Skunk.
1952 - that was forty-eight years ago.
The Democrats have never had to use a pardon...
Subject: New York (Central Park sex attacks)
But if the women had been assaulted by black
guys with wallets,
there would have been a different ending to the story...
Shrubby is a homicidal maniac when it comes to giving Texans the needle,
but isn't it kinda odd that Gore hasn't at least said something about this?
Al With His Finger in the
By Richard Cohen Full Story
Forgive me, I have been unfair. For some
time now I have been cuffing around
George W. Bush for presiding over Texas's appalling death penalty system while
all the time I have been ignoring Al Gore. I should mention what Gore has said
about this issue, the position he has taken regarding the sheer number of
executions and insistent questions regarding the system's fairness: Nothing.
If Gore were an American Indian of yore, his name would be Al Finger-in-the-Wind.
How silent is he? As silent as the dead.
Never mind that Gore won't open up on
Bush; he won't even lend his name to a Senate effort to ensure that inmates
have access to any DNA evidence that might prove them innocent. President
Clinton supports the legislation and so, I might add, does Justice herself,
but Gore will take no position. He approves of its goals, his spokesman said,
but has not endorsed this particular bill. In other words, he's opposed to the
imprisonment or execution of the innocent, but won't do anything about it.
I assume there's a reason why he hasn't spoken yet.
For some reason, they're waiting.
Maybe they're just showing wisdom and experience, watching Smirk take water
from the torpedo hit. Right now, nobody knows how bad of a hit this will be,
but Smirk sure didn't need any bad news right now.
You know, Bush likes to say he's the "top executive" in the biggest
the big, big economy, and that makes him qualified, but when you ask why he
can't slow down this Lucy-at-the-candy-factory murder-spree Texas is having,
he says, "A Texas governor doesn't really have all that much power."
I disagree with the first paragraph, "Finger in the Wind," Al
Right now, the easiest thing in politics is to stand up and say,
"We need to be certain about guilt, and take no steps towards an execution
until we are certain," and make Smirk look extra-extra stupid.
...and part of what you didn't ask was Gore's death penalty position in general.
Maybe Gore's like a lot Democrats with the death penalty.
Maybe he mostly sees the need for the occasional execution, but it makes him
uncomfortable, watching an execution date being put on the schedule.
He seems to understand the gravity of the situation.
Now, compare that to the idiot Smirk.
Fairly or not, Smirk looks like he's having fun killing these people.
We've seen him giggle when asked about it.
Remember the look on Quayle's face when Bush Senior called his name?
Same with that brainless Bush boy.
He's like a winner on MTV's Fanatic when they ask him about the death penalty..
He's cotton candy.
He seems to not remember the meaning of the word gravitas.
He knows he's not supposed to giggle when he talks about
He's just not in control of himself.
He can't knock it the hell off.
Think what would happen if we had another terrorist bombing,
and President Smirk giggles thru the mother-effing memorial ceremony?
What an unforgettable catastrophe that would be.
The brainless Bush boy ought not to be running for anything.
He's Tommy Boy.
Wait a minute - he's not Tommy Boy.
He's Tori Spelling.
He couldn't even get on the property if he daddy wasn't a big shot.
One last thing:
Smirk obviously isn't ready for any kind of scrutiny.
The good people of Texas have given him a free ride.
Looks like any criticism of Bush will have to come from OUTSIDE the state.
Why did it take the Chicago Tribune to check into Smirk's murder
Where was the Houston Chronicle all these years?
Where was the Fort Worth Star Telegram or whatever it's called?
Where was the Dallas Morning Whore all these years?
Oh, I forgot.
They were clawing at Clinton's Cock!
No reason for them to worry about the public's right to know if
the executions were happening to the right people, nooooooooooooooo.
They heard rumors of a semen-stained dress a thousand fucking miles away,
so they spent last year and the one before that covering every angle of the splash.
Well, Ol' Smirky's about to start his slide into the spotlight.
That very bright and very hot spotlight.
You know the light... the one they invented to use on Bill Clinton...
Bill Clinton made that spotlight his bitch.
I'm trying to pick a bartcop.com theme
to have ready when Smirk has to quit the race.
Here's one I'm thinking about in mp3
It's got turmoil.
Download bartcop.com theme mp3
Thanks to www.mopaul.com
You thought Jerry Springer was bad?
I watched last week's Survivor to see what the buzz was about.
It's part Gong Show and part Howard Stern.
Have you ever started to watch a Howard Stern show, to see who
the guest is, just in case it's Al Michael's or Arnold or Duchovny
or Clooney or Pam Anderson or Ricky Martin?
Survivor isn't one of those shows.
Survivor is like a Howard Stern show where the boys are gambling
and the winner gets to fart in the loser's face.
Or is it worse than that?
I'd be the first one off that son-of-a-bitch, you bet your ass.
It seems the same people are behind this that were behind impeachment.
What kind of sick bastards get their jollies watching men and women
pick fat, giant worms out of a bowl and wolf 'em down?
To make things worse, this show beat Millionaire last week.
This show kicked the ass of the world's biggest show,
and it's about forcing women to eat giant worm things.
To make things double-worse, when they were done eating the giant
each team got to pick the most squeemish member of the other team and
make them do something, I don't know what, because Mrs. BartCop
made me change the channel before she upchucked on the carpet.
Survivor has half the dignity of the old Gong Show.
Remember that show?
I feel like Perry Como or Lawrence fucking Welk.
I'm so old, I don't "get it," anymore.
Speaking of "don't get it," anymore, when I switched the channel,
I found "Britney Does Hawaii."
The only way I can stand looking at this child is in still photographs.
If she's speaking or performing, I look away or change the channel.
Not that I go looking for her, but she's everywhere. She's been the
headliner of every music awards show in the last year or two.
Besides being attractive and comfortable before a camera, she
no more talent than those Donatello Ninja Turtles from years ago.
I hope she's saving her money, 'cause she couldn't cut it at Burger King.
She did do one cool thing, tho.
A camera followed her to some girl's house to surprise her.
The little girl answered and didn't realize who was standing there.
She seemed surprised by the camera, but it took her several seconds
to realize that her idol, Birtney Spears, was at her damn house.
Britney said, "You've got 30 minutes to call every friend you
and invite them to a Britney Spears pizza party right now!"
Beavis & Butthead couldn't move this fast on their way to get laid!
This little girl was squealing like a snake went down her blouse.
Soon, the whole neighborhood was crawling with screaming pre-teens.
Remember the old Dick Van Dyke, when Alan asked Rob
if Chad & Jeremy could spend the night at their house?
be sure and watch Survivor on CBS to see what groutesque nightmares
the producers insert into the mouths of these pathetic fame-seekers.
..and if you would, next time you're at the store, buy a card
He got almost a full year of superstardom before we spit him out.
Fame - ain't it a bitch?
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