Vol 212 - Ogre Battle

 June 13, 2000

 Disarming the Nukes, Comic Book-style

 Click  Here

Rudy's Cops Shrug Off Sex Attacks

"You've been sexually assaulted.
 You should come back tomorrow when you've calmed down."
       --Rudy's cops

TARGET: Anne Peyton Bryant returns to the scene of yesterday's attack.
                  She says she was never so terrified.

Women Assaulted - Cops Yawn!

A woman mauled by a band of hoodlums on a Central Park sex-attack spree
said she clawed her way out of the crowd as her frenzied attackers
tore at her clothes and cheered, "Go! Go! Go!"

"I bit, scratched, chewed and screamed," said Manhattan resident Anne Peyton Bryant,
who may have been the first victim in a wave of assaults after the Puerto Rican Day parade.

"I've never felt so terrified in my life. I couldn't see anything but the faces around me
and the water. I couldn't even see the sky above me," she told The Post.

Bryant, 29, said even worse than the attack were the cops who ignored her
after she reported the incident and warned them others were in danger.

The terror unfolded just after 6 p.m., when Bryant was finishing her daily loop
around the park on rollerblades, accompanied by a male friend on a bike.

She came upon a large crowd blocking the exit on Sixth Avenue, a heavy smell of marijuana
hanging in the air. A group of men closed in, drenching her with beer and water.
"I still wasn't afraid. I figured it was a hot day and they were just playing and having fun," she said.

She realized it wasn't a game when the men pulled her down. They also attacked her friend,
hitting him on the head and trying to steal his bicycle.

"I thought they might have a knife or a gun," she said.
"I couldn't tell how many people were grabbing me."

Bryant - the marketing chief for a dot-com who moonlights as an aerobics instructor
- used all of her strength to fight the band off, kicking with her rollerblades.

Curling into a fetal position, she was able to keep her shorts up around the top of her thighs.

"They were all screaming, 'Go! Go! Go!' It was being encouraged," said Bryant.
"I think the whole crowd was enjoying it."

Finally, she heard a stranger emerge from the crowd and say: "This is too much."

"He said, 'Hold on to me, baby,' and I did. He and another man pulled me out of there."

She thanked the men and went in search of the police, but all of the officers that she
approached told Bryant - who was crying, soaking wet and covered in dirt - there wasn't
much they could do.She said they failed to radio other cops about the roaming thugs.

"Oh wow," one officer, in a scooter at the edge of the park, told her when he heard her account.

Bryant said she approached another officer in front of the Plaza Hotel.

"I was attacked. Something bad is going to happen over there," she told him, motioning to
the area where she was assaulted. "It's out of control. They tried to pull my pants down.
You need to radio some officers to move into that area, it's out of control."

He suggested she talk to other cops sitting on the steps of FAO Schwarz.
She said those officers told her to bring her complaint to the Central Park precinct,
but she was afraid to go back into the park.

Instead, she said, she skated to the 17th Precinct, where an officer told her:
"You've been sexually assaulted.
 You should come back tomorrow when you've calmed down."

NYPD spokeswoman Marilyn Mode said the department is investigating
police handling of the incident.

For Bryant - who came to New York from Virginia six years ago - the police
response was more disturbing than the assault.

"I wanted the police to do something, to go and make my city safe.
 But they just stood there," she said.

The mayor's reaction?

"If we had 10,000 cops in Central park, we couldn't make it safe."

...sounds like an ex-mayor talking.

 Pigboy?   A Man of Color?

 Click  Here

 Good News, Bad News, then Good News Again

 From:  christian06@earthlink.net

 Subject: Saw President-elect Gore today


 I saw President-elect Gore speak today at the New York Historical Society,
 and I gotta tell you – he was really good.

 The thing that doesn’t come across on t.v. that you get when you see him
 in person – and I know this sounds cliché – he really cares.
 He means every word he says, and he really wants to help people.

 And another thing you don’t get on t.v. – Al Gore is shy. What comes across
 as stiffness on camera is a real bashfulness. When the crowd cheered him when
 he first came out, he actually blushed. I’ve never seen that before, but if
 you ask me, it’s refreshing. It’s nice to know that he’s not so cocky that
 he’s not a little embarrassed by that kind of attention.

 And guess who was in the audience, sitting almost right next to us?
 George Stephanapoulous, the traitorous bastard.

 He snuck in, hunkered down in his seat and made notes, then snuck back out.
 You know why?
 Because Al Gore doesn’t want to see him!
 Neither did Robert Rubin, who gave the introduction.
 Nobody wants to see George Step because he is a back-stabbing bastard,
 and now he’s paying for it. Nobody in the press corps even really talked to him.
 He was like a leper. And he deserves every bit of it.


 Judas Maximus?
 That dirty dog
 I'd like to take him snipe-hunting sometime...

 Does Salon.com's Table Talk still work?

 I went there today, and the messages were from March and April.
 Are there any topics that are current?

 Great Conservative Quotes

"If I could prove 10 percent of what I believe happened,
 Clinton would be gone. This guy's a scumbag. That's why I'm after him."
  -- Dan Burton (R-Seed Spitter)

 He believes in Clinton's guilt ten times more than he can prove,
  but in today's GOP, that's good enough.

 Dan Burton Fun Fax

 Burton receives a 100-percent rating from the
 Christian Coalition for voting its positions on key
 issues. Yet the championing of family values by this
 father of three is undermined by a personal history
 of marital infidelity. In September, fearful of
 revelations that might surface in an article scheduled
 for publication in Vanity Fair, Burton admitted that he
 had fathered an illegitimate son in an extramarital affair.

Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 With the news that data containing nuclear secrets is missing in the wake of
 the Los Alamos fire, the right-wing conspiracy theorists are working overtime.
 While this is clearly a serious situation, Edward Curran, the respected
 counterintelligence chief of the Energy Department, says there is no evidence
 the missing data is linked to espionage. None. Zip. Zero. Nada.

 But the absolute lack of any evidence that this is espionage won't stop Ollie
 and his conservative cronies from cooking up another story. I can see the
 outlines already, courtesy of Col. North's comments on last night's show:

 Step one: "The Government sets a 'controlled burn' in the vicinity of Los Alamos.

 Step Two: The burn goes 'out of control', bringing chaos to our nuclear labs.

 Step Three: Nuclear secrets are given away to foreign spies."

 Paul, you must not get Pigboy's show.
 He's already been there, said that.

 Not too many GREAT articles get printed here.
 This is one:

 The Reagan Cult
  by  Joseph Sobran

 A week ago conservatives were debating whether Pat Buchanan is still a conservative.
 Now they’re debating whether George W. Bush is a conservative.

 G.W. has fallen into the habit of self-extolment, at the expense of his party and some
 of his supporters.  He offers himself as the advocate of “compassionate conservatism.”
 This annoys other conservatives by its suggestion that compassion is alien to them,
 just as his father’s “kinder, gentler” vision suggested that Ronald Reagan’s
 presidency wasn’t sufficiently kind and gentle.

 Now G.W. Bush has taken a couple of whacks at the Republican Congress,
 first for “balancing the budget on the backs of the poor” — the very words
 Clinton and countless other liberals have used — and now for their pessimism
 about an America “slouching toward Gomorrah.” The latter phrase was a
 mocking allusion to the title of a book by Judge Robert Bork,
 who is held in high esteem by “cultural” conservatives.

 But all this arguing about who’s a conservative omits one thing:
 a helpful definition of conservatism. In the conservative movement,
 only one certitude remains:  the Reagan cult.

 Most conservatives still believe in the Father, the Son,
 and the Holy Ghost, but Reagan runs a close fourth.

 Republican presidential candidates invoke Reagan’s “legacy” and compare
 themselves to him at every opportunity; those who served in his administration —
 as advisors, speechwriters, cabinet officers — drop his name constantly
 (“As Ronald Reagan used to say...”).

 These candidates likewise attack each other with charges that their rivals
 have departed from the Ways of Reagan. Bush and Buchanan have been
 variously accused of abandoning Reagan’s warmth, optimism, vision,
 toughness, internationalism, etc.

 Like God,  Reagan comprehends every perfection, and the flesh is flawed
 to the degree that it doesn’t resemble Reagan.  Reagan has ascended to
 the plane of a Platonic form, a pure essence unsullied by lower matter,
 as witness the old conservative slogan “Let Reagan be Reagan.”

 Only  “the people around Reagan” — wimpy poll-obsessed aides and
 advisors — were preventing him from being himself.
 (As one exasperated wag quipped: “Let someone else be Reagan.”)

 Thus candidate Gary Bauer replies to G.W. Bush with a dual invocation
 of Reagan: “Yes, conservatives need to embrace the buoyant optimism
 of Ronald Reagan about our country’s future. But we also need to be
 grounded in Ronald Reagan’s realism.”

 It all reminds one of the days when the Chinese appealed all questions
 to the great icon of Mao Zedong, even when Mao himself was silent:
 “We must be true to Chairman Mao’s socialist vision,” one side would say.
 “Yes,” the other side would reply, “but we must also remember that
 Chairman Mao was a great pragmatist, never fettered by dogma.”
 The only question was which of Mao’s myriad virtues
 was most relevant at the moment.

 I once teased my old friend and colleague William Rusher for being a total
 Reagan apologist. “Bill,” I told him, “whenever Reagan does something awful,
 you defend it on one of two grounds: either that Reagan had no choice,
 or that the full wisdom of his action will be disclosed to lesser mortals
 in God’s good time.”

 Unshaken, Bill instantly replied, “May I point out that the two positions
 are not necessarily incompatible?”

 Reagan’s authorized biographer, Edmund Morris, frustrated in his search
 for the “real” Reagan, encountered, in his many interviews with his subject,
 only an “airhead” and a “bore.”

 It’s high time to face it:
 The “real” Reagan beloved of conservatives never existed outside their imaginations.

 Thanks to skisics.

 Holy Koresh!

 Rush is suggesting Clinton started the New Mexico fires so someone
 could steal our nuclear secrets, like how to disarm a nuclear bomb.
 Then, a caller said maybe the theft wasn't all that serious.

 "Oh, Come On! Come On," Rush whaled.
 "Not Serious??
   The ability to disarm our nuclear weapons?"

I fear Rush may be right about this one.

After all, if we were to launch on China or Russia, all they'd have to do
would be to stop time, then build some scaffolding
(hundreds, actually, because we'd be launching hundreds of missles,)

that went miles into the air, then have a nuclear scientist,
(hundreds, actually, because it would be too big a job for one man,)

and have them climb that scaffolding into the sky.
Then, while holding onto the scaffolding in the wind at 55,000 feet,
open and reach into the frozen-in-midair missles and follow the
dis-arming directions that were stolen from Los Alamos.

So, it's true.

(Heavy sigh...)

Clinton's intentional torching of New Mexico was just a plot device
to enable him to steal nuclear secrets to give away to the commies.

Damn Bill Clinton!
America, how could we elect such a madman?

Rush, and God's talent, are right on the money - again!

 Fun with Zogby

But, Mr. Zogby!
Smirk put MORE GUNS on the street in Texas.
Smirk wants a HUGE tax cut, for the super-rich.

Are you saying Smirk has lost this election, Mr Zogby?

ha ha

Remember, Pigboy says Zogby is always right!

 Retort Mail

 From: Kataghaway@cs.com

 Subject: Schlessinger

 Dear Bart,

 I found your site through a link from the Drudge Retort a few weeks ago.

 I have heard that Schlessinger has professed to be an Orthodox Jew.
 I was knocked out.

 Orthodox Jewish women do not
 1) dye their hair (and those  photos definitely don't reveal a natural blonde

 ha ha
 Laura the Unloved, busted by her dark pubic hair!
 ha ha

 2) have their kids use their mother's surnames
 3) intermarry with non-Jews or
 4) wear short skirts, or short sleeves for that matter, and they rarely work
     outside the home in secular, profit-based careers.

 Tell me, are they allowed to spread their legs for a camera?

 Orthodox Jewish women wear head coverings and no make-up or nail varnish.
 Maybe she meant she was a Conservative Jew.

 Or - maybe Laura is too important to obey "little people" laws?

 They get to split the baby.

 Hope you're right about Shrub.


 Can't miss on the Shrub prediction...

 America Speaks!

 But Mr. Zogby!
 What if one candidate is stupid and immoral?

 From:   piratecorps@netscapeonline.co.uk

 Subject: Back in the UK

 Yes, I'm back from the USA and into the land of (relative) sanity.
 I  mananged to listen to some of El Pigbo and Dr Whora while I was
 driving around in the states - it's always fun to drive around shouting
'Shut the fuck up, you lying whore!' at the radio.

 ha ha - I do that, too.

 Anyway, a couple of things that have come up from listening to em:

 On one of Doc Meng's shows she used a song by the New Radicals
 as she came out of one of the ad breaks: 'You Get What You Give'.
 What she might not have realised is that the song comes from an album
 called  'Maybe You've Been Brainwashed Too'.
 There's a great line on one of the other songs:

 'we did a porno film for coke,
 I hear we're big in Japan.'

 I wonder if she knows?

 ha ha

 Then, I was listening to her one day where she told a woman that she
 couldn't use contraception because she was a Catholic and then started
 talking about how you have to follow all the rules of your religion
 because that's what God says etc etc. She was talking about how she
 observed the Sabbath etc etc because that was the rules of her
 religion. Now, this got me thinking - I thought there was only meant to
 be one God who lays down the same rules for us all? Is Laura saying
 that God has a split personality? Are all these rules open to debate
 depending on which version of God you choose to follow?

 This could be a way to set a trap for her: if this is the case according
 to her, ask what her belief is on smoking pot. Obviously, it's a drug,
 therefore terrible and wrong. Then ask - what about Rastafarians?
 Their version of God says it's not only alright, it's necessary.
 Or do we only trust certain versions of God, mainly those believed
 in by White Americans?

 Nick, I have experience with this.
 When you trap them with logic, they retreat into the Bible and say
 "It's none of your concern, it's God's secret why pot is bad.
  You'll get your answer when you get to Heaven."

 And, as a final thought while I was driving around - what's the point of
 South Carolina? What would the US lose if South Carolina wasn't part of
 it? I could only think of good things to lose: Strom Thurmond, confederate flags etc

 ha ha
 You're right!
 Carolina is about as useful as Oklahoma, Idaho and Massabama.
 Maybe they'll be the home of the ditto-monkeys after the Great Culture War!

 Anyway, hope all is well in the treehouse,


 Nick, things couldn't be better.
 I don't know if I've ever put this in print, but I put myself thru college
 playing 9-ball on a pool table. The trick to winning a bet is constructing
 the bet to where you win no matter what happens. I did this with Smirk.

 I firmly believe he'll be forced out of the race this summer.
 If that happens, dozens of people will know I predicted that.

 If it doesn't happen, he'll get his ass kicked badly by Gore.
 If that doesn't happen, if Smirk becomes President,
 ha ha
 I'm going to have my own television show.

 America might take a beating over the Smirk candidacy,
 but I can't lose!!

Today's Fastest Finger

Today's fastest finger goes to my friend Darrin.
Here's how I remember the conversation.


BartCop: BartCop Manor. How may I assist you?

Darrin: Hey, this is Darrin.
             You go to Las Vegas a lot...

BartCop: You called to tell me that?

Darrin: No, I need to know an inexpensive way to get to get there.

BartCop: I've never tried them myself, but they say the best deals are from
           www.mltvacations.com  I've seen round trip airfare from K-Drag
                with hotel for $400 for four nights, but they'll pick the hotel for you.

Darrin: But I need to stay at Harrah's

BartCop: Well, you don't NEED to, not at those prices.

Darrin: But that's where the convention is.

BartCop: But you can stay anywhere you want and take a cab to the convention.

Darrin: You don't understand. It's a stripper's convention. My wife, Dottie,
              sews those custom-made, next-to-nothings the strippers use on-stage.
              She's got a booth this year.

BartCop: I'll be go to hell!

Darrin: I'm not kidding. Harrah's will be nothing but young, good-looking girls
             who strip off their clothes for a living the whooooole week.

BartCop: Get the fuck out of here!

Darrin: No shit. While you're hard at work, I'll be it Titty Heaven for a week.

BartCop: I hate you!

Darrin: Isn't that the best set-up you've ever heard?

BartCop: But, you'll be with your wife in a casino full of strippers.

Darrin: Nah, she'll be minding the booth! I'll be free to roam around.

BartCop: Go to hell!

Darrin: Hey, what's that fantastic Mexican food you always brag about.
              What's the name of that place again?

BartCop: It's, ...uh ...Willy's Taco Hut just south of town.

Darrin: What? I thought you said it was at someplace like the Rio.

BartCop: You remember "funny."

Darrin: And what's the name of that super tequila you brought to our
             Halloween party last year? That was the best stuff I ever tasted,
             even if it didn't mix very well with my Courvoisier.

BartCop: ha ha, I remember you were worshipping the porcelian gods that night.

Darrin: So what's the name of the greatest tequila in the world?

BartCop: Cuervo Gold!

Darrin: Really? I thought it had some exotic name, like ..Chicano, or something...
             Remember? It was in a bottle shaped like a Hershey Kiss.

BartCop: You need to stop smoking that wacky weed.
                 It's affecting your mind.

Darrin: OK, so it's Willy's Taco Hut and Cuervo Gold!

BartCop: Have a good time....

...and so it goes.
Some people have all the luck,
and some people have luck no.

Smirk's Biggest Mistake?

You probably have your favorite Smirk mistake, here's mine.

First, let me take you back, waaaaay back to Volume 174, Feb 26th, 2000.

Since 1995, when the silver-spoonboy became governor,
Smirk has murdered 120 people that he claims were guilty.
He says he personally went through their records and
personally found them to be legally guilty under Texas law.
(Can anyone tell me where Smirk got his law degree?)

(End of flashback)

Smirk is in real trouble.
Now that everyone's looking into his execution spree,
now that we know innocent men and women may have been killed,
how is Smirk going to blame somebody else?

He PERSONALLY went thru their records.
He PERSONALLY guaranteed their guilt.
And all the time he did it, he was giggling.

Think that's a BartCop gag?

If Paula Begala ever gets back to work, we won't be able to shut him up!
He's written many times about Smirk giggling and laughing when reporters
asked him if those executions were all clean and legal.

The son-of-a-bitch actually laughed, when asked, and I've seen the tape.

And we all remember Republican-sympathizer Tucker Carlson telling us
how Smirk mocked Karla Faye Tucker begging for her life.

How did it go, Smirk?
(As previously published on bartcop.com)

This story comes from Tucker Carlson, ditto-monkey extremist.
You might've seen this guy on CNN and elsewhere.
Seems like he might work for Newsweek.

Tucker Carlson is a nazi-pig conservative who wears a bow tie.
When a nazi-pig tells a story about a Republican,
I assume it's true.

This is from a couple of weeks ago, around the time of that Iowa bullshit straw poll.
Tucker Carlson rode around with Butch in his I'm-richer-than-you limo.

Butch did an impression for Tucker Carlson.
Butch said Karla Faye Tucker (that's a coincidence, right?)
the young lady Smirk ordered murdered with a drug overdose,
constantly tried to contact Butch to plead for her life.

Smirk refused to take her calls.

Carlson asked Smirk what Karla Fay wanted to say to him.
He answered that question with an impression of Karla Faye, the dead Christian woman.

Carlson said Smirk leaned over so nobody else could hear
and he pursed his lips and said, in a teeny, tiny feeble voice,

"Please don't kill me."

...and now we find out this giggling clown let innocent people die?

 Quote of the Day

 "IF  there's such a thing as a hate crime, we gays have probably brought
 it on ourselves. I watch Fox News every night and I can't believe the hate
 my fellow gays and the liberal left spew at you. I enjoy your honesty and
 objectivity and I want you to keep on fighting for the truth, Dr. Laura."
    -- Dr. Laura reading praise mail from a "deviant, biological error"

Gag me with a swastika!
If this guy had been a Jew,
no doubt he'd sell poison gas to Hitler.

 Guest Editorial

 From: XaThega@aol.com

 Subject: Dittospeak

 Typical Conversation With A Dittomonkey

 LIBERAL: I don't know, I just don't like Rush...

 DITTOHEAD: You COMMIE! Name ONE thing that you HATE so much about Rush!

 L: Well, I didn't say I "hate" him...

 D: Yes you did!

 L: When?

 D: Just now! You said those words: "I hate him."

 L: Huh? I was telling you that I DIDN'T say I hate him...

 D: You just said it again! You said "I hate him" at the end of that sentence!!
      See?! See, you're hateful, not me, I said it first, you're hateful!!

 L: Um...ok...well, anyway, he just seems so arrogant...

 D: That's PASSION, you hippie bastard!! Rush is PASSIONATE about what he
      says, you ignorant piece of Castro-loving shit!

 L: You don't have to swear...

 D: Oh, so you're against freedom of speech?! I suppose you want to wipe your
      ass with the Constitution, you knee-jerk bleeding-heart horse's ass!

 L: No, I just said not to swear; can't you have a debate without swearing or calling names...?

 D: OH, so you're going to decide what I can and can't say now, is that it?!
     Well who's the bigot NOW, you faggot-hugging prick?!

 L: Ohhhkay...well, Rush also gets facts all screwed up...

 D: Like what?! Name ONE!

 L: Well, the other day he said that "cigarettes don't cause cancer..."

 D: Oh please, give me a RECENT example!

 L: That IS recent...he said it on Thursday.

 D: That was TWO DAYS ago, you pathetic, whining sack of maggot-infested,
      draft-dodging Barbra Streisand!! I said a RECENT example!!!

 L: Um...ok, Rush said today that feminists are all ugly.

 D: Oh PLEASE...that was PARODY!!

 L: Huh?

 D: Only a stupid, public-schooled moron like yourself wouldn't understand
     Maja Rushie's satirical humor!!

 L: Oh...hmm...Well...ok, another thing that bugs me is the fact that he says
     "Liberals can't win an argument without name-calling."
     But he does it all the time, and so do his fans.

 D: Name ONE time that he called someone a name, you backwards nigger-lover!!

 L: Hey! That's racist!! Don't use words like that!!

 D: Oh, typical liberal, have to call conservatives names like "racist," "sexist," "homophobe"
            ...can't you assholes have a conversation without name-calling?!
     Are you against my freedom to tell you that you can't use your freedom of speech?!

 L: Um...well, he called Chelsea Clinton a dog on his TV show...

 D: That was a MISTAKE! He meant to put up another picture on the screen,
      but Chelsea's photo showed up! He even said so!

 L: And you believed that?

 D: Rush doesn't LIE, like your butt-buddy Clinton!!!

 L: Then if he doesn't lie, he just gets a LOT of things wrong and makes
      mistakes ALL the time?

 D: [long pause] Shuttup, you Liberal asshole.

 L: He also tells his fans what Liberals think...but I rarely think the way he says I do.

 D: Yes, you do! Don't tell ME what you think that you think, because I KNOW
      what you think--Rush TELLS me what you think!!

 L: Can I ask you a question?

 D: Sure, you Nazi jackoff.

 L: What are YOU thinking right now?

 D: (long pause) Well...let me go turn Rush on and I'll tell you after a little bit...

First Lady Turns Stand-Up Comic

Hillary Clinton stands next to the carpetbag that she brought onstage
at the Legislative Correspondents Association Dinner in Albany

 “Where else in the world could you stand on a corner
and have people yell, ‘Go Home’ in every language?” she said.
“Sixty-seven languages in Queens alone.”

  Mrs. Clinton even provided the audience with a slide show of home photos
— all of them showing her wearing a New York Yankees’ hat.

ha ha

Her opponent?

Rick 'the Lick' Lazio, attended as well, but declined to speak.
Aides said Lazio had too little time to prepare for the appearance.

Gee, Rick, how many week's notice do you need?


 Between Dan Quayle and that idiot Smirk,
 I'd rather have a President Quayle, wouldn't you?

 I mean, ...we know how stupid Quayle is...

Be sure to try for that new printer!
Go to http://www.cunninghamstrikes.com

 Make Him Stop!

 Reporter: Gov. Bush, are you concerned with the reports that many innocent men
                  may have been executed because of your lack of interest or compassion?

 Smirk: If you're asking me as to whether or not the innocence or guilt or people
              have had adequate access to the courts in Texas, I believe they have.

 No, Smirk!
 That's not what you were asked.
 Why do you always answer Question "A," by saying,
 "If you're asking about Question "B," here's what my handlers told me to say.

 The man can't think.

 June 12, 2000

 Easy to Believe Quotes

 "This shows that 93% are still found guilty."

   --  Bush spokesman Ari Fleisher, after being told as many as seven out
        of every hundred prisoners on death row are eventually proven innocent.

That spinning sound you hear?
Thomas Jefferson...

For the fourth time in four weeks, Gov Bush flew to Pennsylvania to have
his picture taken with the pro-choice Catholic who won't be his running mate.


  Here is the correct URL to Kevin Cunningham's page,
  where he's giving away a new printer!


 Here's something that's not funny at all.

 Click  Here

 Complaint Dept.

 From:  (withheld)

 In the new issue you have pictures where someone took Smirk's and
 Drudge's faces and pasted them on the body of some porno figure.

 It's bad enough that the pics look amateurish and puerile,
 but the thing that makes them unredeemable is that they aren't funny.

 First, let me thank you for the criticism.
 Usually I get "you're great" or "you suck."
 Few people spend the time to be specific.

 As far as Drudge, do you get the joke?
 He confessed to being "egg boy."
 He confessed to really weird sex with other men, which was breaking eggs
 over their heads and licking the runny, raw eggs off their sweaty bodies.
 You don't think he deserves a shot or two?
 Or you think, for Drudge, I should've taken the high road?

 After two years of him spreading truth, rumors and lies about the
 man who saved America's economy, he's got some shit coming to him.

 Granted, it wasn't my finest hour, but I don't know how you could think
 it wasn't a little bit funny unless you were a Drudge/Starr apologist.

 You didn't like the amateurism photos?
 I know the best photo fakers in the business.
 We could've made it so perfect you couldn't tell, but part of my
 disdain for that fuck Drudge was to not bother getting it perfect.
 He's not worth it.
 Kinda like calling the Pigboy, "Limba."
 It's a sign of disrespect.

 I was sincere about my thanks, but let me add one more thing:
 Very few comedians bat 1,000.
 Saturday, Bill Maher did a good stand-up hour.
 He had a year, or more to work on that one hour.
 He has a team of professional writers.
 I thought several of his jokes were less than side-splitters.

 Saturday Night Live has what, a dozen highly-paid writers?
 Or twenty-five if you count the entire cast?
 And after a week (sometimes two) to put something together,
 they average maybe two good skits per show.
 Being funny isn't easy, but I will try harder.

 Klan Update

 From: Butlerfoto@Netwalk.com

 Subject: Monkey-Boy

 I live in Columbus, Ohio.
 The Richmond team with that prick John Rocker was in town over the weekend.

 People were lined up hours before the game to get Rocker's autograph.
 The game drew 12,000 people instead of the usual 4500.
 I assume that most of these new "fans" were there to show support for bigot-boy.
 What's up with so much hatred and fear in this country?

 Geoff Butler

 Geoff, it proves two things:
 Rush and Rocker have millions of think-alikes and
 the Republicans might carry Columbus in November.

 VCR Alert

  has a good one tonight!

Chris Darden and Johnny Cochrane for the full hour.

I think the whole OJ thing needs to be look at again,
now that some people can do it with their emotions in-check.
If you saw CNN's 20th Anniversary special, you know it's now
possible for Darden to speak about it and keep his composure.

What happened to the knife?
Where are the bloody clothes, and them ugly-ass shoes?
If Nicole bought ice cream at 9, why wasn't it melted at 11?
Why weren't his hands bleeding when he gave autographs at the LA airport?
Why didn't the cops lock the Bronco?
Why did the cops draw OJ's blood and lose some of it?
Why didn't the cops preserve the evidence?
Who thumped the air-conditioner? Surely not OJ, who knew where it was.
Did Cato ever get a job?

Lots of questions...

I think the whole Monica thing needs revisting, too.
The idea that the GOP and the whores of the press forced us
 to spend two years on Clinton's Cock should be addressed.

...and we should to it before the election.

 Click     for Auntie Matt's web page.

 It's very eggs-citing.
 Auntie Matt tells it eggs-actly like it is.

 Pigboy just said the Democrats were in "abject panic because they know
 they're going to lose the House, the Senate and the presidency."

 ha ha

 I was wrong!
 Chris Rock isn't the funniest man in America.
 The vulgar Pigboy is.

 ha ha

He just said the Democrats were "suicidal," over this.

Hey, Pigboy!
Remember 1992?

The Democrats were in such "abject panic," and "so suicidal," that you made
your slave Bo Snerdly walk over to Madison Square Garden where the Demo
convention was and hand out "Suicide Kool Aid," remember that Pigboy?

Who won in 1992, Pigboy?

ha ha

Hey, Pigboy!
Remember 1996?

Dole resigned from the Senate, and swore that it was "the White House or
Russell, Kansas for Bob Dole," but he was just lying like you, Pigboy!
When Clinton kicked his ass, Dole fled to his luxury condo in Loserville, Florida.

Not only did he lie about Kansas, he became a multi-million dollar lobbyist
against the United States of America, because foreign nations knew,
A. He had no loyalty to the United States and
B. The cheap bastard was "For Sale."
     I knew it,
     you knew it,
     the 'Merican people knew it,
     Shit, even little kids in foreign countries knew Dole was for sale.

Remember how you said the Democrats were in "abject panic"
over the coming "Dole victory," even when Clinton was 24 points ahead?

ha ha

Pigboy is lying to his idiot ditto-tangs again.
Why aren't they tired of being lied to?

Hey, Pigboy!
Remember 2000?

Remember how you said Smirk was going to win?
Well, he didn't even make it out of the convention, did he?

ha ha

You want more proof there is no God?
Smirk is going to be drummed out of this race early, and when that happens,
the whore press will say, "Nobody predicted this amazing event!"

 They say regular unleaded gas will soon be over $2.00 a gallon
 in Knuckledrag, Oklahoma, which is just loaded with refineries.
 The oil companies say the biggest reason for this is "increased demand."

 You see, they had no clue that demand rises in the summer,
 because they've only been in the refining business for 60 years,
 so they were surprised at how many people were filling up..

 Item One: You know what would solve this "crisis?"

 The government should socialize the price of gasoline.
 Gas should be one price, all the time, with the government taking up the slack.
 Gas should be, say $1.50 a gallon all the time.

 If the price drops, and the pumps would ordinarily go to $1.35,
 the government should keep the 15 cents towards the general fund.
 If gas should be $1.70, the government eats the twenty cents.
 They could adjust the price every year or every six months - whatever.

 This would give transportation companies a fixed price on which to
 base their prices, instead of wild fluctuations which benefit the super-rich.
 Nothing screws with inflation like a boost in energy prices.
 Of course that's a guess, but I did go to college...
 When the price of gas goes up, they pass it on.
 When the price of gas goes down, they're "too busy" to change the sign.

 I realize the GOP would rather kill themselves than be involved with anything
 that had a word in the title that had the Latin base "socio" in it, and that's OK.
 I would enjoy being a pall bearer at the funeral of whites-only, scumbag hatred.

 Item Two: Since this is a real issue that involves everyone in the country,
 it would be nice if congress investigated why the oil companies are raping
 the consumer, but they won't and do you know why?
 If you've been paying attention you know why...

The price of gas doesn't involve Clinton's Cock,
 so it's not worth the time and energy for congress to investigate.

 I could be wrong, but I'm not.

 Great Scumbag Quotes

 "I believe that we need to narrow that down,
   I can't give you the specifics of it right now.''

   -- Dan Burton (R-Spits out the seed) on which specific crimes
       Clinton and Gore should be jailed for.
       I'll bet with another eight years and another $55,000,000,
       he could come up with something.

 New NRA Office in Kansas City

 From: (withheld)

 I've been out of the country for the last week,
 so I just heard about the shooting at Kaufman Stadium here in Kansas City.
 The reports I've seen say they haven't figured out
 if the shots came from inside or outside the ballpark.......

 A couple of points.....

 Missouri had a ballot initiative last year on a Concealed Carry law.
 Thank Koresh it was voted down (just barely). The law would've allowed people
 to carry their guns anywhere, including bars and crowded stadiums. I can only
 imagine the MASH units set up for Chiefs games, where there's an average of
 about 75 fistfights a game, if every redneck yahoo got to bring in his sixshooter......

 Also, the news said the lady who got shot was sitting along the right field line.
 Directly across from the right field stands is the left field wall, behind which is I-70.
 Just across I-70, there is a tall building with a full view of the ballpark
 (and clear sight lines for a rifleman with even a minimum of skill)
 - the building is the local HQ of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.

  ha ha

 The way Bill Maher explained it Saturday night on HBO, God the Father is a Republican.
 He's into that eye-for-an-eye stuff, human sacrifice and drowning planets.

 His son Jesus, however, is a kinder, gentler deity, a liberal Democrat.

 Moses was an Old Testament guy, so ipso facto.

 Mail Mail?

 From: janor88@flash.net

 Subject:  Mail down?

 Hopefully this will go thru.
 I have been getting undelivered mail notices to your address.
 Is it me or you?


 john arnold

 John, it's me.
 I'm getting more mail than Santa in December.
 My best guess is that if two e-mails hit at once, it bounces one,
 because a whole lot of mail is getting through.

 I thought about printing a guide to sending mail successfully,
 but when I read it, it made me sound like a bigger ego-boy than I am.

 From:  bsutherland@ohiohistory.org

 Subject: 5/24 Message

 So, no response?
 I was hoping for a little dialogue.

 Brandon Sutherland

 Damn, I knew I should've printed that "Guide to Successful e-mail."

 Brandon, 5/24 mail is ...difficult for me to locate at the moment.
 If you could refresh my memory, and re-send it, I'd enjoy the sparring.



Proof that you don't have to be crazy to be a liberal, but it helps.
That wacky Kevin Cunningham must have lost his mind.
(too much peyote, maybe?).

He's had a good year...
So like a true liberal, he's sharing the wealth.
He's giving away a new printer.

Check out his web site for details (and more cartoons!)

Free is good.

 From: madsatyrist@hotmail.com

 Subject: affirmative action for golfers only?

 Listen to about ten minutes of fatboy today, tolerance for idiocy is way down.

 Fatboy actually said that the great thing about golf was the way the
 handicap makes it possible for everyone to play everyone else.


 AA for the guy who claims to hate AA?
 The same SOB who spent WEEKS a couple years ago nattering on about
 just how damn awful it was for a middle school to make sure EVERYONE
 got to play on the kids sports teams, wants a goddamn HANDICAP?

 How can anyone be so stupid they actually believe ANYTHING
 that blabbers out  of The One Who Gives Shade's mouth!


 You're forgetting the most important 'fact."
 That's God talking.
 He's speaking through Rush.

 You don't think God would loan His talent to a liar, do you?
 God is ridiculing the fat kids at middle school, not the vulgar Pigboy.

 As long as the Christians allow Rush to speak for God,
 you can't hold Rush responsible.

 Now, apologize to Rush...

 If I were you, I'd check out  www.mikejasper.com

 He's not prejudiced.

 ha ha

 My City Was Gone
 by the Pretenders

 I listen to the radio
 All logic is now gone
 There’s only ditto stations
 Reason’s now all done
 Rush’s hate makes monkeys
 Have smiling faces
 Cause there’s only air
 In their skull places
 It’s..only.. ditto.. radio

 Try to listen to the radio
 All your hear are lies
 Cause people who reason
 Are what ditto’s despise
 They attack without warning
 Try to give you their ‘facts(?)’
 Then you soon realize
 They’re just loony and wacked

 Hopefully the radio
 Will soon clear the waves
 Of intellectually challenged
 Whores and their Knaves.
 Until then we’ll suffer
 From bums just like Rush
 From Liddy to North
 With heads all full of mush

 Thanks to skisics surus

 Canadian Mail

 From:  mackthek@pipcom.com

 Subject: A Friendly Note, and Nazi Pukes

 Leaving aside the spelling errors and the inelegant grammar and the sheer
 nonsensical verbiage... where on earth do these nutcases get the notion
 that the Nazis were liberals and/or left-wing???

 (Ediotr's note: That's what Rush told them, and he's on loan from God.)

 This seems to be a really common theme when these unreconstructed morons write to you.
 A cursory glance at any book on German history of the period shows that
 German industrialists financed the Nazis, because of the fear of the Left.

 After seizing power, the Nazis purged their own party of "leftist" elements.
 (The Night of the Long Knives)
 Then Nazis rounded up the Communists
 Then the Social Democrats
 Then the Liberal Democrats
 Does this sound left-wing to you?

 I should point out too that the Nazis were (besides being viciously anti-semetic)
 Pro-big business
 Engaged in a cultural war against "undesirables"
 Obsessive about racial purity
 Interested in "order" before "rights"

 Now, without putting too fine a point on it, who does that remind you of?
 I guess your ditto monkey correspondents get all hung up over Nazi being
 short for National Socialist.
 Well, I hate to disappoint them, but things ain't always what they seem.
 On the face of it, who would guess that the Council of Conservative Citizens
 is a front for white supremecists? (Hah, I guess Conservative was a clue!)

 When you use words like Council and Citizen, I would guess your average
 ditto monkey is going think, "Hey, this is a respectable organization!"
 The Nazis used the word Socialist in much the same way,
 as a vote getter from poor, naive saps.

 Now I have to say that I am really disappointed the intellectual level
 of these dittoheads is so poor that black-letter history is a complete
 mystery to them. I would have expected a little more intellectual rigour
 and discipline from a crew that constantly proclaims "excellence".
 I finally understand why you, with your IQ of 64, have no problem with them.


 Happiness is a Warm Gun

 Bereft of any real opinion, Brain Smasher fires down these thoughts anyway
 from the 6th floor window of the  bartcop.com  school book depository building
 at the insectia and rodentia below.

 He was glistening with oil.
 He was big and hard, she wanted desperately to touch him, hold him, Squeeze him!
 There was no doubt in her mind this Bad Boy didn't fire blanks!
 She felt that unmistakable stirring in her womanhood.
 Her nostrils flared as he got closer, she started trembling, she started to get wet as.......
 "Here you are honey, just what you said you wanted, a new Glock for your birthday!"

 (Come on you can tell me, that got you going didn't it. Give you a little wood there?
  You can admit it, I won't tell anyone, I swear.)

 Happiness is a warm gun, bang bang, shoot shoot, Hey mister!
 Beep Beep, toot toot, bang bang, shoot shoot.
 That was a little Lennon/Donna Summer rap.
 I don't want to be Mother Superior and jump the gun here, but last week they had
 the MTV movie awards. Markie Mark when presenting the "Best Villain" said:
 "Let's skip the nominees and go Right to the winner. Chucky Heston is the winner
 for being the head of the NRA!"

 The NRA recently voted "The Best Villain" a third term despite their own
 rules which say only two terms. The NRA must feel when they hold Chucky
 in their arms and feel their fingers on his trigger, why they just know, No one
 can do them any harm. Chuckie's in Love.

 According to sources, the NRA is selling bullets with Chucks name on them.
 Gives new meaning to the saying there's a bullet out there with your name on it.

 John Charlton Carter, stage name, Charlton Heston....hmm didn't Vernon Howell
 have a stage name, something like David Koresh? Anyway "John" made a speech
 in 1998 where he says: "God-fearing, law abiding, CAUCASIAN, middle class
 Protestant" men who owned guns were the victims of a brutal cultural war.
 In the sixties it was suppose to be a race war that was coming so you were suppose
 to arm yourself for that, now it's a cultural war. Really it will be the republican coup
 attempt where they finally resort to open warfare. I'm ready though, but could you
 republican and conservative wingnuts do me a favor when you come charging up the
 grounds at my house, and I mow you down, please try not to bleed into my pool.

 Here in this picture, Chucky is pictured with the children of the Death Scene Players.
 "Get your dirty paws off my actors, you filthy rodent." These precious little ones will
 actually one day be killed in Chuck's soon to be released next drama. They get it at
 the Zoo, or a school, or restaurant, or day care. Anywhere a religious right wing nut
 can get access. In Chuck's last autobiography, his wife Lydia is quoted as saying this
 about Chuck, "You must understand, he loves death scenes!"

 I could go on and on about this, but I have to go take a Rush and wipe my Limba.


 If it's BS, it must be
 Brain Smasher

 I got a dot.com for you:



Thanks to  http://gwbushart.port5.com


 Both  bartcop.com  mailboxes filled up this weekend.
 If you get a "bounce" message, please send a small message
 with that info so I can move or download or delete mail as needed.

 Also, when sending large files, ask first so I can free the necessary space.
 I got some "Burton.MP3" that I had to delete before I could see it.


 From: BenLett@netscape.net

 Subject: Lies and Errors

 I have been carefully analyzing and checking facts presented in BartCop RL-LNW.
 In Volume 107 quoted below I have found one.

 >Former First Lady Nancy Reagan and her friend Betsy Bloomingdale
 >were seen chatting with Heidi Fleiss in a restaurant in L.A.
 >Observers say Betsy mostly listened while Nancy and Heidi talked
 >about how "the business" has changed in the last 70 years.

 >Nancy said she only got a nickel for her first knobber way back in 1928.
 >Heidi laughed and said she couldn't even make a phone call for a nickel
 >when she got her start in 1974.

 >Mrs. Reagan seemed a little giddy after Heidi remarked,
 >"Maybe I'll make it to the White House - like you did."
 >Nancy replied: "Nothing succeeds like success," and the three women burst into laughter.
 >The gals had a good time.
 >Nancy even paid the bill.

 "Nancy even paid the bill."
 Nancy Reagan never picked up a check in her life!
 She even charged Ronnie for the Knee Pads when she entertained Frank. :- 0

 Benjamin Lett

 bartcop.com  regrets the error.


Presidential hopeful Pat Buchanan has considered asking talk radio sensationalist
Laura Schlessinger to be his running mate, it will be reported on Monday by Newsweek.

Laura's name surfaced in recent strategy meetings, Buchanan's former press secretary,
Neil Bernstein, who was fired last week after arguments with senior staff over the campaign's
direction, tells NEWSWEEK [June 19].

The campaign has also considered Alan Keyes, Bernstein claims.

A source close to Buchanan late Sunday dismissed the magazine's report,
noting that Laura Schlessinger will not be offered the VP spot.

"We can't have anybody that hateful on our ticket," the insider said.

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