Vol 215 - How Many More Times

 June 18, 2000

 As governor, Smirk vetoed a bill that would have allowed counties
 in Texas to establish public defender programs for indigent suspects.

 Full  Story

 He's just bursting with compassion.

 Tiger "Slappy" Woods Update

 From:  skisics@yahoo.com

 Subject: Tiger Woods...opinion

 I understand your opinion, but disagree to some extent.
 Tiger Wood's is typical of today's athletes.
 No matter which one you name, they are existing in an environment today
 built on the hardship of their forefathers. But so am I.
 I am of Irish decent.

 Would your opinion be that I should somehow give something back
 to the Irish community, because of the sacrifice of the early Irish miners?

 If the GOP was violently anti-Irish,
 If an Irishman was dragged behind a pickup last year,
 If Irishmen were regularly lynched in your daddy's lifetime,
 If Irishmen weren't allowed on golf courses when you were born,
 and you became the best golfer in history and did what Tiger has done,
 your name would be "Slappy" Skisics and I'd never let up on you.

 Tiger is Uncle OJ Watts.
 He's accepted in whitey's club for one reason only:
 He's good at his sport.

 Do you think Uncle OJ would be accepted without a football?
 Would whitey accept Tiger without his putter?

 Tiger could take a stand and push race relations forward, but noooooo.
 He's too busy whoring for more and more and more money.
 He had a chance to make a statement about the Slaver Flag in Carolina,
 but he didn't want his money niagra to dry up, so he passed.
 He's a multi-million dollar whore and a coward.

 Tiger's place is unique.
 Nobody in history has had this opportunity before.
 There are STILL golf courses with a "no blacks" policy.

 Has Golden Boy ever addressed that?
 Or would that interfere with his third hundred-million dollar payday?

 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull


 On today's Supreme Court school prayer ruling...

 Separating church and state is a profoundly conservative idea. I'm intrigued by
 people who don't think the government is sufficiently competent to write a health
 insurance plan, but is competent enough to write a prayer; that government can't
 be trusted to save lives, but can be trusted to save souls.

 The real conservative position, it seems to me, is to keep prayer sacred,
 leaving it in the hands of parents and priests and preachers.


 George W. Bush's pre-fab candidacy is being packaged by some of the slickest
 sharpies on Madison Avenue. One of them, Jim Ferguson of the New York ad
 agency Young & Rubicam told USA TODAY they are selling "Brand Bush" the
 same way they sold McDonald's. With Bush, like McDonald's,  "you know what
 you're going to get when you get there." Yes you do, amigo.  You're right there.

 Bush IS just like McDonald's:
 pre-packaged, filled with empty calories and controlled by corporate interests.

 ha ha
 A caller just asked Rush why he hasn't mentioned.
 Rush said, "I have no comment on whatever's on the Drudge Report
 because I haven't heard anything back from ABC yet."

 Gee, Rush!
 Are you claiming  might be wrong?
 You've never admitted that before, Rush.
 When Drudge has something snotty to say about Clinton, you don't wait
 for any kind of confirmation - you scream the rumor to 500 radio stations.

 Which reminds me...

 Remember what Rush said about Imus?
 Rush said Imus was the most honest and on-target radio DJ ever.
 He went on and on about Imus the Legend and Imus the Honest.

 Then, Imus said Porky was a fat , lying bastard, so Rush declared,
 "Imus is always honest and correct EXCEPT when he's talking about me!"

 ha ha

 It happened with Bob Woodward, too, but in reverse.
 When Woodward wrote his Watergate book, Pigboy said it was
 "full of lies and distortions" and he said Woodward was a no-talent hack.

 Then Woodward wrote a book claiming William Casey gave him a
 deathbed interview and Rush ridiculed Woodward, calling him a
 "no-talent hack and the biggest liar to ever write a book."




 Woodward wrote a book about Clinton, and lo and behold,
 Woodward was suddenly the Mother Tersa of honesty and accuracy.

 Gee, it's almost like Rush is the one lying.
 Rush likes to cherry-pick his authors and his lies.

 This time, Rush wants us to think,  is all wrong.
 He's telling us, "You can't trust Drudge."

 Thanks for telling us what we knew back in early 1998.

 Challenge Update (see Santa, below)

 From:  radiofreenorthpole@hotmail.com

 Well, interesting challenge...however, i'm not interested in playing any
 games with you. i just had a piece to say and said it, and don't need to
 prove it any further.

 We can argue all day and nite, over what ever Rush says
 (for whom i don't particularly care.....why do you go after Rush anyway? he's too easy)

 Santa Inthemorning

 My frustration continues.
 Here's how it works:

 1. Rush, the lying pig bastard strings together a series of mean-spirited
     and shit-for-brains lies and distortions on the radio every day.
 2. I call him on it.
 3. A right-winger writes to me to complain.
 4. I challenge the right-winger to speak for Rush so we can battle.
 5. The right-winger says, basically "I can't defend Rush."

 The Internet is a hueueueueuege mother-effer.
 There must be millions of Rush wannabees on the www,
 but they're all hiding like that coward at rushonline.com

 Santa, here, can't be expected to defend Rush if he doesn't like him,
 but how many more years must I wait to find a Rush fan?

 Bottom line?

 Rush and his idiotic pretend-rants can't be defended by ANYONE.
 That's why Rush can't take unscreened calls.
 That's why Rush can't go on a talk show with non-ditto guests,
 because he might have to defend that crap he spews.
 Rush is pure bullshit, just like the Republican Party.

 Santa asks why I go after Rush.
 Rush is the leader of the Republican party.
 He has more power than Delay or Lott.
 I don't attack the Pigboy because he's a radio clown.
 I attack him because millions of people believe he's God.
 He's not.

The Idiot-Clowns Finally get one Right.

Justices uphold prayer ban at schools
 Public support for pre-game activity doesnít sway court

WASHINGTON, June 19 ó  Ruling in a case thatís become an issue
on the campaign trail, the Supreme Court on Monday finally pulled their head
out of their collective asses and struck down a Texas public school policy of
student prayers before football games.

Smirk has strongly supported the practice. The 6-3 ruling, the most far-reaching
school prayer decision in nearly a decade, said such prayers violate the
constitutionally required separation of government and religion.

 Two hours into Pigboy's show today,
 and all he can talk about  is Tiger "Slappy" Woods.

 He had about 3 minutes to scream at Richardson for the hard drives,
 but other than that it's nothing but praise for the great, white golfer.
 The most nonsensical bullshit-o-rama, perhaps,
 ever to come out of the mouth of the Methane Factory.

 "Tiger wins because he's on a higher plane.
  Tiger lives and breathes the game.
  I'm a great golfer myself.
  Tiger this, Tiger that.
  Tiger dissed Clinton's invitation to the White House.
  Have I told you lately that I'm great?
  Tiger doesn't use hyphens.
  All the other golfers are jealous.
  Tiger is one of the good ones.
  Tiger this, Tiger that."

  How long before Tiger and Smirk play a few rounds?

  Makes me want to fucking hurl...

 Is Jesse Helms dead yet?

 Click  Here

  Keeping Up with Brainsmasher

 Happy Trails

 The diem presented itself to Brain Smasher, so he carped it. The Mighty
 Democrats are giving away Free Internet service. Yes, my little babushka's,
 Free. Even to you insectia and rodentia. You can check this out at

 If you have HBO, you won't want to miss their show, "Real Sex 25." Since this
 is a family E-zine, I can't go into the details, but you can thank me later.

 Me and my concubine had an interesting weekend. After getting the dreaded
 "tap" (I knew she had something on her mind) she says, "We have to talk."
 This caused a full scale alert in my man spider-sense. As they taught us in
 man school, I remembered to "deny, deny, deny." It wasn't that bad though.

 I can even put the situation in a sports analogy. The "contract negotiations"
 centered on her hinting at "free agency." I, in my secret life as general
 manager, put forth my best offer and brought up the point that her statistics
 and performance had fallen off, and, an unconditional release might result
 before free agency. We then agreed to table the matter and meet again at the
 all-star break. When I first met her she was still "virga intacta."

 That is so twentieth century I thought.

 She told me she was an actress and showed me pictures of her openings.
 She is really sweet, but she is the kinda gal that will steal men's hearts and wrectum.

 Since I live in Oklahoma, where men are men and sheep are nervous, I thought
 I would pass on this URL. Need audio though.

 Speaking of Oklahoma, did I mention I am the mayor of Food-Phone, Oklahoma?
 We are bigger than Mears, but smaller than Pink. Our governor is very famous.
 He says it's okay to kill teachers but not cocks. I kid you not.

 We had a great party here on my ranch this weekend.
 We went out on the trail, took the chuck wagon with us.
 Our chef, "Ol' Cookie," even went with us.
 We built a big campfire at the end of the day.
 Then, we pulled out our weenies, run a coat hanger through 'em,
 and dangle 'em out over the fire. It's just plain mouth waterin'.

 Time to git.
 The voices in my head that tell me what to do want me to go run errands for them.



ABC-TV has decided not to extend an offer to radio whore Pigboy to become
color commentator of its MNF franchise, the FUDGE REPORT has learned.

Pigboy, who has whored millions of dollars for ABC's radio stations with his daily
rlitany of lies, was thwarted at the top levels of DISNEY, according to sources.

DISNEY head Michael Eisner said last week that ABC "would not be hire the Pigboy."
But Eisner added, "the possibility of guest spots should be investigated."

"It would have been great fun, not only for me personally, but for the network and its
advertisers," a senior ABC source said over the weekend. "Quite frankly, Drudge,
the decision was not based on economics, it was based on politics."

 The editor of the New York Whore Times must be out of the country,
 because an unflatterring article on Smirk was printed this weekend.

Texas Executions:
GW Bush Has Defined Himself, Unforgettably,
As Shallow And Callous
 by Anthony Lewis

 BOSTON-There have been questions all along about the depth and seriousness
 of Smirk. They have been brought into sharp focus now by a surprising issue:
 the way the death penalty is administered in Texas. In his comments on that
 subject Smirk has defined himself, unforgettably, as shallow and callous.

 In his five years as governor, the state has executed 131 prisoners
 -- far more than any other state. Mr. Bush has lately granted a stay
of execution for the first time, for a DNA test.

In answer to questions about that record, Governor Bush has repeatedly said
that he has no qualms. "I'm confident," he said last February, "that every person
that has been put to death in Texas under my watch has been guilty,
and has had full access to the courts."

That defense of the record ignores many notorious examples of unfairness
in Texas death penalty cases. Lawyers have been under the influence of
cocaine during the trial, or been drunk or asleep. One court dismissed a
complaint about a lawyer who slept through a trial with the comment that
courts are not "obligated to either constantly monitor trial counsel's
wakefulness or endeavor to wake counsel should he fall asleep."

This past week The Chicago Tribune published a compelling report on an
investigation of all 131 death cases in Smirk's time. It made chilling reading.

In one-third of those cases, the report showed, the lawyer who represented
the death penalty defendant at trial or on appeal had been or was later
disbarred or otherwise sanctioned. In 40 cases the lawyers presented no
evidence at all or only one witness at the sentencing phase of the trial.

In 29 cases, the prosecution used testimony from a psychiatrist who
-- based on a hypothetical question about the defendant's past -- predicted
he would commit future violence. Most of those psychiatrists testified without
having examined the defendant: a practice condemned professionally as unethical.

Other witnesses included one who was temporarily released from a psychiatric
ward to testify, a pathologist who had admitted faking autopsies and a judge
who had been reprimanded for lying about his credentials.

Asked about the Tribune study, Governor Bush said, "We've adequately answered
innocence or guilt" in every case. The defendants, he said, "had full access to a fair trial."

There are two ways of understanding that comment. Either Governor Bush was
contemptuous of the facts or, on a matter of life and death, he did not care.

At the heart of the problem is the Texas way of providing lawyers for defendants
too poor to hire their own, as most are in death cases. There is no state system.
Judges assign lawyers -- often lawyers who have contributed to their election campaigns.

"The State of Texas is a national embarrassment in the area of indigent legal services,"
a committee of the State Bar of Texas says in a report just approved. Again, Smirk
has shown no concern about this reality. He vetoed a bill, passed by the legislature,
that would have let Texas counties set up a limited public defender program for the poor.

Capital punishment, long favored by a majority of Americans, has become a national
issue again because of concern about the fairness of its administration. Gov. Ryan of
Illinois, a Republican, imposed a moratorium on executions in that state after 13 men
on death row were shown to be innocent. Pat Robertson and other conservatives
have called for a national moratorium.

The most complete study ever done of the death penalty process, by Prof. James S.
Liebman and others at Columbia University, was published the other day. It showed that
two-thirds of death convictions or sentences were upset on appeal for such reasons as
incompetent defense lawyers or prosecutors who bent the rules.

To all this George Bush is seemingly indifferent. Or perhaps not entirely. If he were not
running for president, it is doubtful that he would just now have granted his first stay of
execution. Next week Gary Graham, convicted of murder on the testimony of a single
witness who said she saw him at night from 30 to 40 feet away, is due to be executed.

Will Smirk care?

 Tiger Woods

 From:  skisics@yahoo.com

 Subject: Tiger Woods in Rush's 'Merica

 I was nice to see Tiger win the U.S. Open.

 Got me to thinkin':

 In Rush's America, Tiger Woods wouldn't be allowed on
 the greens, unless he was trimming or cutting the grass.

 In Rush's America, if the police saw Tiger Woods with a club in his hand...they'd shoot him.
 Sorry, that's Giuliani's New York, my mistake.

 ha ha

 In Rush's America, Tiger Wood's dad could be arrested for 'breeding outside of his race'.
 In Rush's America, Tiger Woods would have to be content cleaning houses or other menial jobs.

 Luckily, we live in an America where Democratic President's have worked hard
 to make sure the phrase 'All Men Are Created Equal' has meaning.



 There's no denying his talent.
 The ball falls in the hole when Tiger hits it.
 But it pisses me off that I'll have to hear how great he is for decades to come.

 Unluckily, Tiger Woods, the multi-millionaire Clinton-hater, has become
 an icon for the right-wing about how "equal" blacks are now.
 I have nothing but disgust and contempt for Mr. Woods.
 He has abandoned any pretense of being a hero to black people.
 He's as white as any man who ever walked a golf course.
 He has become whitey's pet negro.

 Tiger doesn't seem to understand the sacrifices of those who came before him.
 He seems to think blacks have acheived equality because HE has.
 Remember those two black runners in the 1968 Olympics who raised their fists
 when they received their medals to protest the way blacks were treated in America?

 Tiger Woods is the exact opposite of that.
 Somebody needs to buy Tiger Woods a history book.
 Tiger had a chance to make a statement in Carolina earlier this year.
 He chose not to make that statement.
 After all, HE made it with talent and hard work,
 so maybe he feels other blacks are just talentless and lazy?

 Tiger's on that same traitor list as Russ Feingold, George Stephanopolous,
 Juan Williams, Maryland's Governor Glendenning (sp - I don't care)
 Mike McCurry, DeeDee Myers, and the other back-stabbers.

 How much you want to bet, before the year's over,
 Tiger and the vulgar Pigboy are seen laughing it up on a golf course?

 Rush could use a man like Tiger Woods.

 June 17, 2000

 Great Republican Quotes

 "Gore only gave $350 to charity in 1998!!!
   Gore only gave $350 to charity in 1998!!!!!
   Excuse me, ...excuse me, ...excuse me,
   Eleanor, let me talk!

   ...Gore only gave $350 to charity in 1998!!!!"

  -- Michael Barone (R-shit-bastard)  on the McLaughlin Report 6/11 with
proof  that the Tennessee white trash is truthful and Al Gore is a bad landlord.

 Bush says U.S. secrets would be safe under him

 KISSIMMEE, Fla. (Reuters) - Vowing to end a "sorry chapter" of
 security lapses at U.S. nuclear laboratories,  Gov. Smirk said Saturday
 U.S. secrets would be safe in his administration.

 "America's national security should not be a matter of lost and found,"
 Smirk told a veterans' conference in the central Florida city of Kissimmee.

 Bush criticized the Clinton/Gore administration for "confusion and chaos"
 at the Los Alamos Labs that has resulted in mishaps involving top-secret
 nuclear information.

 Bush didn't actually make it clear how his leadership would compel
 low-level staffers to immediately come forward and notify superiors
 when something wasn't right, but Bush's daddy was president when that
 horrible Reagan Recession bottomed out in 1991, so he can be trusted.

 Bush Missed 'Medical' During Nat'l Guard Service

 That's the headline Drudge gave Smirk's most recent coke problem.

 ha ha

 To hear Drudge tell the tale, you'd think Smirk was pushing those after-burners
 just as hot and hard as he possibly could to get back to the base in time
 to take his "medical' and gosh-darn the luck - he just missed it!

 Drudge wants to protect Smirk and the Republicans at any cost.

 The headline Smirk Goes AWOL, Skips Drug Test,
 sounds so un-presidential.

 This Just In...

 Dr. Laura *not* a Christian!

 Laura Schlessinger, famous talk-radio whore has rejected Christianity!
 Reports are coming in from multiple sources that Laura the Unloved
 has rejected Jesus Christ as her personal savior!

 Worse than that, (if such a thing is possible) she has joined a radical
 cult that some believe were responsible for the vicious murder of Jesus.
 Like Matthew Sheppard, Christ was beaten and tied to some wood in '33
 and left to die, but Laura insists Christ's death "was not a hate crime."

 Laura has told close friends and her precious Deherechye, that she
 doesn't even believe in the second half of the holiest book ever written.
 She says the New Testament is "for others!"

 Millions are expected to tune into her hate show tomorrow to see if she
 explains herself or, as expected, shirks the personal responsibility and
 sweeps it under the rug the way she denied the vulgar, spread-legged
 pictures of her kootie on the hard drives of teenage boys worldwide..

 Ediotr's Note:
 This is not a  bartcop.com  gag!
 She has rejected Jesus Christ.
 Please keep her in your prayers.

 From:  howardpearlman@yahoo.com

 > Bartcop:

 > Please notify your members that there will be weekly chats on the
    I Hate Bush Fan Club starting Wednesday, June 22 at 8:00 PM EST.

 > http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/ibelieveingore

 > We hope to see you all there,
 > Howard Scott Pearlman

 Did you catch the hearings held by Sen. Shelby (R-Clinton hater)?

 Senator Shelby: Are these hard drives "Top Secret"?

 Lab Manager: No, they are classified only as "Secret"

 Shelby: You mean you don't have to sign for these drives?

 Manager: No, You only sign for "Top Secret" material

 Shelby: Who's crazy idea was that?

 Manager: The Bush Administration in 1990 relaxed the rules on
                   secret material in spite of objections from the labs.
                   They said the Cold War was over.

 ha ha

 Ditto-monkeys are so entertaining!
 Every time they try to embarrass the Clinton Administration,
 they end up with dog shit on their shoes and nothing more.

 These drives show how to disarm nuclear weapons.
 Disarming nuclear weapons is a good thing.
 Every police department in the country should have these.

 Koresh forbid this information should get spread around.
 After all, what if it fell into the right hands?

 How guilty is guilty enough in Texas?

 Click  Here

Bush Flies into an Air Force Cocaine Cloud
 Once again, we must go outside of Texas to get news critical of Bush..
 Why is the Texas press giving him a free ride?

George W Bush, was suspended from flying as a young pilot for
failing to takea medical examination that included a drug test.

Documents obtained by The Sunday Times reveal that in August 1972, as a 26-year-old
flyboy in the Air National Guard, Bush was grounded for failing to take a medical exam
that would have indicated whether he was taking drugs.

Rumors of cocaine use and "lost weekends in Mexico" have plagued Bush Jr, 53,
for months since he declared himself a candidate in the presidential race.

With character an election issue, the latest revelation is certain to rekindle interest
in Bush's past. Yesterday it provoked accusations by Democrats of a cover-up.
While he has consistently admitted to a "misspent youth", Bush has evaded questions
about cocaine or other drug use, implying only that he has not taken illegal substances
since 1974, the year after he left the Air National Guard.

Allegations about his stint in a reserve unit at the height of the Vietnam war are likely
to provoke parallels with Bill Clinton, whose early presidential candidacy was mired in
accusations of draft-dodging and questions of whether he inhaled marijuana as a student.

Bush was not required to face drug tests when he first entered the reserve unit
as a Yale graduate in 1968. It was only at the end of 1971 that the US Air Force
introduced a drug-screening policy. In April 1972 the Pentagon implemented a
drug-abuse testing program that required at least one random drug test every year.

The code stated that personnel must undergo the medical in the month following their
birthday. For Bush, this meant August. In May, the young airman moved from his
Air Force training base in Houston to Massabama.

To avoid constant travel, he applied to move his training program from Houston
to Dannelly Air Base in Montgomery, Alabama, but he never arrived.
William Turnipseed, a retired general who commanded the Alabama unit at the time,
said Bush never appeared for duty. Two commanders at Ellington air force base in
Houston said in his record they were unable to perform his annual evaluation covering
the year from May 1, 1972 to April 30, 1973. "Lt Bush has not been observed at this
unit during the period of this report," they wrote.

Veterans claim Bush has not been shy in extolling the virtues of
his flying career despite not being backed up by his record.

 Today, Fox Whore News accidentally let this slip on the air.

 Gee, I wonder what was wrong with the 9AM version?
 Did that lying shit Juan Williams accidentally tell the fucking truth?
 That might've angered Mr. Murdoch, and jeopardized his kid's education.

 You remembered the last time Fox News pulled the old switcheroo?
 They started out saying, "Elian REMOVED from Miami relative's home."

 When the hateboys got to the office it suddenly changed to
 because Fox News didn't think " removed " would cause a riot,
 so they changed " removed " to "seized in raid"  trying to incite one.

 "Seized in Raid" is so much more incendiary than a mere " removed, "
 and after all, they ARE in the business of being whores.

 I sure wish we could get a look at the version they're hiding from us.

Same Old Pigboy Quotes

"We have an information crisis in America.
 The main stream media can't be trusted.
 They are strictly a propaganda arm of the Clinton White House."
  -- The Truth Detector, constantly

 Tell me, Rush.
 During the two years of Monica, the press was working for Clinton?

 Gee, if that's true, what's it like to have the press go after you?

 Last Meals

 From:  radiofreenorthpole@hotmail.com

 Subject: last meals

 A. The last meal part was interesting, but what I found truly interesting
 was clicking on "Offender Information" and taking a glimpse at what
 these guys did to get that sentence.

 The ones I read pretty well earned it if you ask me.

 B.  i'm hoping you're just tryin to be humorous about Novak endorsing Gore.
 He was sayin if you like a gov't that spends too much and taxes too much,
 then ya should vote for Gore. i don't think that's what he looks fer in gumment.

 Santa Inthemorning

 Always good to hear from the Dark Side.

 A. Assuming you think the death penalty is a deterrent,
 why don't we use it for car theft, burglary, pot possession, bad credit,
 running stop signs and every other problem society has?

 If it's a deterrent, wouldn't we live in a perfect society
 the very day the Cro-Mags push that bill thru and Smirk signs it?
 If it's your position the mere threat of harsh punishment will stop
 murderous behavior, wouldn't it stop lesser forms of crime, too?

 B. Maybe that's what Novak meant, but that's not what he said.
He said children, education and the environmentwere "good things,"
and if you agreed with government spending money on them,
you should vote for Gore.

 C. do you believe in "the leftist media?"

 If you did, I thought of a little game you and me could play:
 Let's agree on a day in the future, say this Wednesday.
 I'll pick an hour of Rush's show, in advance, and you pick an hour of
 any show you consider to be "leftist media," and we'll compare notes
 on Thursday to see which hour included more lies and more hate.

 Ok, I'll take the first hour of Pigboy Wednesday the 21st.
 Before then, get back to me with which hour you're picking.
 (You can pick two halves if you want.)

 If this works, maybe next week I'll take Hannity and you can pick another
 liberal-slanted show and we'll see who's spreading the lies and the hate.

 Do we have a deal?

 From: Joankitty@aol.com

 Subject: bartcop medical minute


 I'm going to sue you and your webite over that false information
 you've given out about getting rid of the varmints.
 Excited to finally have an answer to the problem, I followed your instructions.

 BC, sure, the ticks are gone, but you wouldn't believe the varmints that came
 to my yard ATTRACTED to Pigboy.

 Now I've got rats, skunks, weasels, jerks, assholes, shitheads, tons of
 whores and cromags. I think there's even a few baptists and catholics.

 What do I do now? Move?


 From: (withheld)

 So let me get this straight,

 Bush deserts in time of war, refuses to take a drug test in time of war
 but the media is spending their time worrying about whether a tenant
 in a farmhouse getting a really good deal on rent in the middle of nowhere
 has a problem with her pipes and the stupid local landlord screws up

 ...and they blame our next president?

 Remember the army shot Willy Slovak in WWII for desertion.

 Dear Tom,

 Not to worry.
 Gore couldn't lose this election if he tried.
 Smirk's anal exam is scheduled to begin next month.

 Novak Endorses Gore!

 Did I hear that right?
 Did Bob Novak endorse Al Gore for president?
 It happened minutes ago on Capitol Gang...

 Listen to the tape

 They say Richardson's out as Gore's VP, because of the missing hard drives.
 Al Hunt says there's only one chance for him to stay a viable political figure.
"The only thing that could save Richardson now is a Burton investigation."

 ha ha

 Dan Burton has been a universal joke for years.,
 If Burton tries to bring him down, Richardson might become really popular.

 You hungry?

 From: boit@foxinternet.net

 Subject: Menu from Chez Shrubya

 Hey BC, your site needs a link to this:



 The Sweet Science

 The on-again, off-again fight in Scotland between former champ Mike Tyson and
 challenger Jon Sevarese is off again after Mike had a bit of a disagreement
 with one of the Scottish financial backers.

 From: sirshackleton@chicagostreet.com

 Subject: favorite historical person

 Hey BC,
 Besides Bill Clinton, who would you say is your favorite historical figure
 (George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, etc)?


 Hmmmmm.... Richard Pryor.
 He was lucky to be the funniest man in the world at a time when VCRs
 were introduced and things like cable TV and satellite hook-ups were making
 instant communication a reality to millions of people at once.

 This was when racism was starting to wither on the vine.
 Richard Pryor would go on Ed Sullivan and connect with the same audience
 that the Beatles reached and he would do regular jokes and - race jokes.

 Did you know the first time the Beatles played the Ed Sullivan theater,
 discrimination in America was still legal? A black family could be told,
"Out of my store, nigger," and that was absolutely legal.

 A couple of years ago I found out that in the south, some restaurants had a
 white menu and a black menu. If a black couple came in, they'd see a menu
 that had $3 hamburgers when the white menu had fifty cent hamburgers.

 One of the first race jokes I ever heard him do was something about a white
 couple left their seats to get popcorn and when they came back, black people
 had taken their seats and they were too afraid to ask them to move.
 Pryor did the white people's reactions and the black reactions and I think that
 was the fist time the masses thought about that from each point of view.
You didn't do things like that on television.

 While I'm on the subject, let me say something nice about a guy
 I've had some negative things to say about - Frank Sinatra.
 Back in the fifties, racism was much more common than in the sixties.
 So here comes Frank Sinatra and his negro friend Sammy Davis Jr.

 And the nightclub owners and the casino owners would say,
 "We love you Frank, but lose the nigger," and Frank would say, "No."
 The way the story goes, (I wasn't there) Frank told them if they wanted
 him, they had to let Sammy eat in their restaurant, sleep in their hotels
 and play on their stages and in their casinos.  That took balls.

 I know Frank was no angel, and they say he was the queen bitch drunk,
 but Frank was big on loyalty and he stuck with Sammy.
 Now, Frank was never on my top 50 list of people to meet,
 and I can't take anything away from Washington or Lincoln,
 but I see Richard Pryor as a historical figure so I'd pick him.

Smirk Does Charity Work

Republican presidential hopeful George Bush polishes a car, Friday,
June 16, 2000 in Villach, Austria in the southern province of Carinthia.
Smirk cleaned cars at a fast food restaurant drive-through.


Why was Smirk in Austria yesterday?
That's who?

Joerg Haider?
That Nazi guy from Austria?

Are you sure that's him?
How can you tell?
It sure looks like Smirk to me...

Are you sure?
How can you tell them apart?

 BartCop Medical Minute
  Bob Lancaster's column from the Arkansas Times

 From: MooseandSquirrel@KCLIBRARY.ORG

 Q. My place is overrun with ticks this year. What is the current thinking
 about the proper way to remove one of them?

 A. There's no good way to do this, especially if you and a partner are
 romantically involved at the time of the creature's discovery. The only
 consensus at the moment seems to be regarding the tick removal method
 formerly recommended by practically all the authorities --touching a
 hot match to the embedded tick's rear end. Practically every one of those
 same authorities now says you should never, ever do this. Apparently ticks
 evolved thicker, heat resistant rear ends to thwart the procedure, and
 holding the match closer for a longer period of time doesn't overcome the
 adaptation; instead, it tends to cause the tick to explode, and this can
 complicate your situation rather seriously and also gruesomely.

 I have a contribution to make at this point. I've found a foolproof way to rid
 yourself of ticks. Just get in your car around noontime, roll down a window,
 turn on the radio to Rush Limbaugh, and turn up the volume. If you have two
 ticks on you or two hundred, they will turn loose and flee your person and
 the car within a very short time. I don't know if it's the annoying voice or
 the annoying philosophy; whatever, it will send many other varieties of
 vermin skedaddling also.


 Moose in Kansas City

It's none of my business,
but why is Diana Ross starting a 30-city tour if she's this pregnant?

 Here we see Bill Gates auditioning for the part of Supreme Court Justice
 William Renquist in the Fox News channel's made-for-TV docu-drama,
"Raped by the President - Based on a true story by Juanita Brodderrick."


 From: jessejesselb@yahoo.com

 Subject: Russ Fiengold

 I'll defend Russ to the end.  He is perhaps the only member of
 congress who can honestly claim to an independent.  You might want to
 review his last campaign; Strangely, he actually practiced what he preached,
 accepting no soft money, and following the rules he and McCain had proposed
 earlier in the year.  Of course 'campaign finance reform' was defeated,
 but he, being a stand-up kinda guy, still managed to follow them (the afore
 mentioned rules), despite intense pressure from the DNC not to.  This
 honesty/integrety almost cost him the election.  Every once in a while, I
 suppose, the electorate manages to see through the barrage of advertising, and
 pick the more deserving of candidates, this was definately one of those times.
 You might want to check out his voting record as well.

Available here:   http://thomas.loc.gov/home/votes/senvotes.html


I admire loyalty.

You say Feingold can honestly claim to be an independent?
I guess he can.
He was certainly independent of the Democratic party during impeachment.

Maybe Ol' Russ is everything you say, but to me, even thirty years from now,
he'll always be the Democrat who voted to continue to play with the evidence
when his country desperately wanted the Congress to move on.

...and what did Clinton do?
What was Clinton's reaction to Feingold's knife in the back?

He said, "That's OK. Russ was voting his conscience."
That's 200 times more forgiving that I would've been.
I would've flown to Milwaukee in my big, blue jet and campaign for some hot,
young Democrat running against Feingold and retire Ol' Russ forever.

Clinton is a lot better man than me.

 Elton John Blasts Scottish Cardinal Over Gay Views

 LONDON (Reuters) - Pop legend Elton John attacked the leader of Scotland's
 Roman Catholics Thursday for his ''ignorance'' over homosexuality.

"Cardinal Winning and his ignorance, is totally representative of why people are turning
 away from the Church,'' John wrote in this week's edition of The Spectator magazine.

 The singer was responding to an article written by Cardinal Thomas Winning in which
 the priest said homosexuals were ensnared in ``a lifestyle that can never respond
 to the deepest longings of the human heart.''

"As a gay man I am perfectly happy with my sexuality and my life,'' wrote the singer.
"I can honestly say that the deepest longings of my heart are satisfied.''
 John said he was astonished to be getting advice from a celibate individual

 ha ha

 Elton, don't kid yourself.

 From: wildcat@hit.net

 Subject: Gore & the Internet

 Actually... the Internet itself has existed since 1969 or 1970, created by
 the Department of Defense for faster communication in times of crisis.
 It was made available to universities sometime between then and 1989 or so...

 I think what Gore set in motion may have been an item designed to
 improve the existing technology and make it available to the public at
 large, paving the way for existing companies like America Online and
 Prodigy and Compuserve to eventually become Internet providers, as well
 as the startup of all the independent ISPs.

 So, while the Internet existed before Gore's efforts, it seems he was
 important in making it possible for all of us to be here and doing this now. :)


 "I am so stupid!"
  (Think Chris farley)

 I should've posted the whole story, because I wasn't familiar with it myself.
 The way I understand it, and fuck knows it's every man for himself since
 the whore media can't be counted on to anything but shill for higher ratings,
 Gore authored legislation to convert a tool that academics and the Pentagon
 used into the biggest thing in the history of communications.

 I'm not saying "nobody else could've done it."
 I'm not saying Gore wrote the first line of code.
 I'm saying what he said:

 Gore took the initiative in creating the Internet.

 Somebody had to - we're lucky it was Gore.

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