Tonight, me & Mrs. BartCop were flipping thru the satellite
channels and we
happened on that grown-up music channel, VH-1. They seemed to be doing
some kind of movie soundtrack compilation history flashback retrospective review.
They showed a clip from Dirty Dancing where Patrick Swayze was dancing with,
and licking the neck of, some young girl in a very suggestive manner.
Mrs. BartCop asked if that was the same girl who starred in
That's right, You know, and I said it was, and her name was Jennifer Grey.
Then, completely offhand and without thinking, I remarked that I thought
she was cuter with her new nose rather than her old nose, and then it hit me.
I really am anti-Semetic!
I'd like to apologize to the Jewish community for my racism.
Great Moments in Comedy
"So, who rolled the tighter joint, you or Tipper?"
--Dennis Miller, to Al Gore, on his old Fox talk show.
Did Jews play a bigger role in the slave
trade than Christians ?
Who held more slaves in the US, Jews or Christians ?
That was a guess on my part.
I should've labeled it as such.
If I'm wrong, why is there so much mistrust between Jews and blacks?
I never claimed to have a major in Jewish/Af-Amer relations.
I think your negative reaction to Gore's
has revealed much about your true feelings.
You can think that if you like.
If he'd named Jimmy Page his VP, my first impulse would be that they
would lose, too, but that doesn't mean I'm prejudiced against rock guitar gods.
Why would I dislike Jews?
I don't have a "book."
Your "guess" is exactly the sort of garbage
put out by Jew Haters.
I have never heard any substantiation of such claims.
Sure one or two Jews might have been involved in slave trading,
I really have no idea how many actually were.
But singling out Jews for such things is absurd.
I'm just guessing, but I think that Black
attitudes towards Jews
derive from several sources:
(1) Jews exploiting blacks in the ghetto (just like Koreans)
(2) general ignorance in a predominantly "Christian" culture
(3) Nation of Islam BS, which derives from outer space.
Seth, you're a fucking moron.
You attack me for my guess, then take one yourself?
Either that proves were both racist bastards
or we're two innocents taking guesses.
Don't forget who attacked who, here.
You know I'm not a racist.
Are you just a lonely guy looking to see
your name on some Internet comedy page?
A recent study by the ADL says Anti-Semitic
feelings have dropped overall,
but remain high among African Americans. The study said that 34% of African
Americans fit the description of what it defines as "highly anti-Semitic,"
compared to 9% overall. Do you think this is true?
My best guess it that it might, indeed, be true.
I can't speak for blacks, but apparently Jews played a prominent role
in the slave trade, therefore fostering generations if not centuries of mistrust.
Richard Pryor and Chris Rock have both said,
"Nobody is more racist than an old black man."
It's easy for you and me to tell them to "knock it off,"
but our grandparents weren't bought and sold like horses.
The only thing that will conquer racism is educating the kids.
"Nigger" was acceptable language when I was a kid.
Of course, it wasn't used on TV or anything, but nigger was a word
regular people used, like "shoe" or "wagon."
I've often said I'm a recovering racist, and that's why.
The word "nigger" goes back farther than my memories, similar to religious insanity.
I can't blame my parents, it's how they were brought up.
Credit people like Clinton who strive everyday to close those
Blame rich, greedy bastards like Pigboy and Spread-Legged Laura the Whore
who get paid more and more as that gap gets wider and wider.
"You must not act the way you were brought up."
-- Charlie Don't Surf, The Clash, 1980
Great Demo Quotes
"And what Smirk has done for education in Texas
...60% of high school seniors are now reading at
a reading level higher than the Governor
......and you couldn't say that when Ann Richards was Governor"
-- Al Franken, on Letterman
You are such an miserable ass kisser.
Rush Limbuagh is the greatest man who ever lifed.
I'd lick his sphincter is he asekd me to why cant pricks like you
just admit that Rush is a hero and lying scumbags who cares only
about mimself and his legalcy
Group Asks Gore's Help to Stop Gala
LOS ANGELES (AP) - A Catholic group is asking
Al Gore to
use his clout to cancel a Hispanic political action committee's
fund-raising event next week at the Playboy Mansion.
Gore is not attending the Hispanic Unity
USA gala Tuesday
but the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights wants him
to use his influence with Rep. Loretta Sanchez, D-Calif.,
the event's chairman, to stop it.....
God, give the Catholics some brains, please?
Subject: Lieberman--making the choice a tough one
I never thought I'd see anything that would
make Smirk more attractive than
Dr. Laura's xxxxxxxxx, but my discovery that Gore picked Lieberman
as his running mate reassured me that I'd made the right decision when I
decided to boycott the election. Besides, as you already noted in your last
edition, Lieberman being the first to speak out against Clinton, he was also
the one who led the drive for the V-Chip, the mandatory television ratings
system, and held the first-ever hearings on video game violence, pushing for
strict censorship. How in the name of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs did Gore get the idea
to selecet this man... oh, yeah, I forgot all about his wife, Tipper, and her
book "Raising PG Kids in an X-rated Society." Not to mention her role in the
"Porn Music" hearings of 1992 . You can get the dirt on her at this website:
I know you probably won't print this, as
you are currently toeing the line. I
don't blame you, as I know that Bush's far more dangerous in most areas.
However, I don't want to live in a world where my civil liberties are taken
away in the name of "protecting the children."
You don't have to live in a world where your civil liberties
are taken away in the name of "protecting children."
You can escape this world.
People do it every day.
Subject: Craig Kilborn incident
I was wondering if you heard about that
incident on Craig Kilborn's
show (The Late Late Show) where a graphic was put on the screeen that
read, "Snipers wanted" when GW footage was on the screen.
Did you see that?
What are your thoughts on that?
I am curious.
Few things are as ugly as a joke that doesn't work.
Pigboy can't shut up about it today, and
he has a point.
Of course, he's making it 1,000 times worse than it was.
He's making Kilborn out to be the head of the Democratic Party
- typical Limba.
In 1994, at wannabe Senator Ollie North's
rally in Virginia, they sold t-shirts that read,
"Where's Lee Harvey Oswald when you need him?"
Of course, Rush had nothing to say about that, because he's a lying son-of-a-bitch..
He gets paid millions to be outraged by the left.
He gets paid millions more to ignore the outrages of the right.
I've seen Kilborn's show a few times, thought
Should it cost him his show?
No, his lack of comedy should cost him his show.
By the way, I think Kilborn's show is owned by Letterman.
Remember Dave's big screw up from a few years ago?
Click Here for the Letterman story.
The night Dave did his apology, he was pure shit.
He did a great monolog, but when he got to his desk,
he apologized like crazy and it screwed him up the whole show.
His timing left him, every joke was flat - it was a disaster.
Back then I taped every show, and I erased this one.
He didn't know he was mocking anything.
The sculpture looks a little silly when you don't know the horror
that caused the art to be created.
Kilborn knew he was screwing up.
Subject: Respecting our Legal System
Here's a great trick.
When the death penalty is the topic of discussion, often some Texan will say
something stupid like "It doesn't matter how 'flawed' you think the trial was,
it's a court of law, and it's decision must be respected."
Say something like, "So you consider the
legally-appointed court to be the
ultimate arbiter of innocence or guilt?" They'll respond with "Of course I do!"
You can then say, "Thank you for your answers.
Assuming you are honest,
I am certain you will no longer presume the guilt of the President of the
United States, given that he was aquitted of all wrongdoing."
They will then proceed to waffle like a hungry Pigboy in Brussels.
The Dangers of Ignorance
I drank tequila because I can't have your lips
I don't want to feel ya, don't want to feel sad tonight
You make me suffer and you just don't know
estoy barrochos down in New Mexico
I want to remember, but I try to forget
That scene in the car park that I still regret
Just like before, times I've even lost track
I ran away crawling cause I fall everytime I look back
Miles, baby, hundreds of highways and truck stops
Cars, baby. hundreds of cars have passed and refused
I stood on the shoulder with tears in my eyes
I drank tequila and watched the game in the bar
Don't care who loses, don't know who the teams are
We had our time, but the bell finally tolled
My Ohio winter was finally too cold
Chrissie, when your man returns,
open a bottle of Chinaco Anejo
All will be good...
If you haven't seen the bartcop.com parody
page, you should.
He's obviously put a lot of time and effort into it.
I'm very flattered. I must be getting under their skin.
I'm surprised it took this long. It's all part of the plan.
Here, but only with Bill Gates's Explorer.
If you use Netscape, all you get are error messages.
Maybe, as time goes by, he'll answer the challenge posted yesterday.
Marc Perkel predicted I'd get stalkers - I have six.
Lynne Cheney's Sham Denial
On Sunday, when ABC's Cokie Roberts started
to ask Ms. Cheney
about having a daughter who has "declared she's openly gay,"
the irate harpy shot back: "Mary has never declared such a thing.
I'm surprised, Cokie, that you'd want to bring it up on this program."
"I have two wonderful daughters. I love them
They are bright; they are hard-working; they are decent.
And I simply am not going to talk about their personal lives," Cheney told Roberts.
What horseshit hypocrisy from a woman whose party would rather
climb a tree
and scream, "Deviant!" at gays than stand on the ground and let live.
Hate is their glue.
Hate is the glue that holds religion and the GOP together.
Without hate, what would they be?
Subject: Cheney in St. Louis Awaiting Spine Donor
On Wednesday, Dick Cheney appeared in St. Louis for a campaign
a homeless mission. The local TV stations, of course, were all over it. One
station had a reporter do a one-on-one interview, and right off the bat the
reporter asked him about cancelling the A-12 program.
Side Note #1: For those unfamiliar, the A-12 was
an aircraft developed by
McDonnell-Douglas (St. Louis) and General Dynamics (Fort Worth) for the
Navy. In December of 1990, Dick Cheney cancelled the program. The
cancellation was for default on the program, meaning the companies did not
perform adequately and weren't able to convince Cheney they could recover.
6,000 people in St. Louis were laid off within two weeks, with a similar
number in Fort Worth. I was one of the St. Louis people unemployed.
The companies protested, of course, saying that the cancellation
the convenience of the Government, an important difference. Cancelled for
default, you don't get paid. Cancelled for convenience, you are paid the
costs incurred up to that date, and a penalty for cancelling. A federal court
has found that Cheney cancelled for convenience, and the Pentagon owes
the companies about four billion dollars. The case is still kicking around
in the courts. Back to our story.
Anyway, on Wednesday the reporter was pressing Cheney about the
cancellation. Cheney had the opportunity to be a man and say "yep, I
cancelled it, and here's why". But the weasel couldn't grow a ball fast
enough. He claimed he was always a big supporter of the program, and it was
the Navy who cancelled it. Those of us involved remember that the Navy tried
like hell to get Cheney to change his mind, but he wouldn't.
After the interview, the station had the current president of
the union here
talk about the lost jobs. You could tell by looking at him that he is a guy who
WORKED for a living. He talked about friends of his who lost their jobs,
lost homes, and so on. When the reporter said that it was amazing that
people remember after all this time, the union president said something to
the effect of "Somebody does something like that to you, costs you your job,
you don't forget who did it to you".
Side Note #2: In 1988, my right-wing associates warned
me that if I voted
for the stinkin' Democrat (Dukakis), he would put us out of business, and
we'd be out of work cause Democrats hate defense, right?
Well, they were right. I voted for the Democrat, and I got laid
But it was the Republican who did it to me.
By the way, six years later I got hired back.
Steve in St. Louis
Subject: Nixon - Bush
Could you explain what the difference would be with Nixon
sabotaging the peace talks and Bush going to Paris to arrange the
exchange of arms to the Iranian terrorists for our hostages???
I'm not an expert on either, but let's look at the math:
It's fairly clear Reagan and Bush DID cause the 52 American hostages
to endure another 75 days of captivity so they could illegally steal the
election from Jimmy Carter. My e-mail tells me Ted Koppel has broadcast
the same convincing proof on Nightline, but nobody fucking cares because
we all love old Grandpa Reagan a lot more than we want the truth, and besides,
if it had nothing to do with Clinton's Cock, it can't be considered a crime.
Nixon, on the other hand, seems to have added another couple of
to the Vietnam Memorial by causing the deaths of over 20,000 Americans.
Remember, Nixon promised to end the war in 1968. That's probably the single
biggest reason he won the 1968 election, but the goddamn war ended in 1975.
America doesn't mind another 20,000 dead boys, because it has
to do with Clinton's Cock, and I'm the only one fucking outraged by that.
Jesus Christ, if Monica runs a stop sign in California, it's front
If it can be poroven Nixon caused 20,000 deaths with his lust for power,
that's not even worth the ink it would take to print it.
...and the sons-of-bitches want to talk about Clinton's lack of character?
That's why this is a comedy page,
because you'll go fucking insane
if you don't laugh at the shit we're force-fed by the whore media.
This is a fucked-up country we live in.
Great Smirk Lies
"No we're not writing off anyplace, particularly California.
This state is the biggest, it's the most powerful state in the union.
And come November, you mark my words, when the nation's watching,
California will be in the Bush-Cheney column."
Subject: Let's make a Bet
ok, here it is:
if bush wins the election you go dark for
a certain number of days,
depending on the margin of victory. i'll let you choose how you want to decide.
1) for every percentage point bush beats gore by, you go dark one day
(5% = 5 days off for bartcop)
2) for every three electoral votes bush
wins the presidency by (270 needed),
you go dark for one day. if the number of electoral votes bush wins the
presidency by is not easily divided by three, we'll just round down (bush
wins by 20 electorals, you only go dark for six days).
if gore wins by ANY margin (1 point, 1 electoral
matter)...i'll send you $32 to buy a bottle of chinaco....or if you have
something else in mind (wthin the bound of the law)...i'll do that. up for it?
You might have the beginnings of something there.
I have a counter-offer.
My going dark wouldn't do either of us any good.
How about if Smirk wins, I put up a sign on my front page saying,
"George W Bush outsmarted Gore to become president,"
for as many weeks as Bush's percentage of victory.
(55% - 45% = ten weeks)
When Gore wins, I drink my Chinaco.
But we have another problem:
I have a five year reputation and 240 issues online,
whereas you have an e-mail address.
All you have to do is welch and I lose either way,
so I'll do it if you send the money up front.
You can send a personal check, so if you don't get it back,
you'll know I didn't have the pleasure of cashing it.
If I cash it and claim it never arrived, you can use the message
(which I understand you know how to use) to call me a welcher.
So the question you need to ask yourself is,
"Would BartCop sacrifice his reputation for $32?"
Subject: More Texecutions
Here's another lie to add to Butch's record.
In Oxnard, CA he lied about whether Texas allowed the execution
disabled people, they've killed at least FIVE. He also said that Texas prohibits
the execution of the mentally retarded. There is no such law in Texas.
In fact Bush opposed a bill to ban the execution of the retarded in 1999.
You would think he would at least pass a law to protect himself.
Reagan the Star-Gazer
If you're not sure how big an idiot Reagan is/was,
Remember Marilyn Monroe?
I have some very nice pictures of her in the BartCop Collection
that I thought you might like to see.
No, I haven't gone porno, these pictures are PG rated,
and they're the best pictures I've ever seen of her.
I think even the ladies would enjoy these.
(Too bad she never had a chance to diss Clinton,
I could run a special on her that would make grown men cry.)
Since she was a Playboy Playmate the year I was born,
she never did all that much for me, but when you see these pictures,
you might understand why she drove the Kennedy boys crazy.
She's no Monica.
There are hundreds of pictures of her, but I'll just show the very best.
They'll take a while to load, so here's what you should do:
Right Click Here
and hit "Open New Window" and they'll start loading.
Come back and read a little bit, then check the pictures in a while.
These pictures aren't vulgar in the least, but they're damn sexy,
so if you
can't have this stuff on your hard drive at work, do this at home.
If you find pictures like this objectionable, just say no.
And I don't care how dead she is, if you're a man and the last picture does
nothing for you, you need to look in the Yellow pages under "urologist."
Did you see Survivor last night?
They offered the winner of the stupid quiz a night of luxury on
(Stupid, stupid quiz - the winning answer was "drink more kerosene.")
Sean won, and he got to take a guest to the boat - he takes gay
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for gay rights and all that, but if I haven't
had sex in 30 days, even Collen would start looking good to me.
Remember my extremely-accurate story that the only married men
in Vegas are the locals? Well, if you're stranded on a desert island,
the word "married" doesn't even exist.
Also, how'd they know to have Sean's dad on-board?
1. The contest was fixed, which isn't likely.
2. They had relatives of all the strandees standing by.
I've always thought this was a pretty stupid show.
(Mrs. BartCop likes it, and she must be made happy.)
But maybe it proved to the network pinheads that there are hundreds
of millions of dollars to be made if they would just show something
besides reruns of bad shows in the damn summer.
Be sure you read this at least once, and understand what is means.
In this one article, there's more proof than anything they've ever had
about Mena Airport, Vince Foster, Travelgate, Filegate and all the
other bullshit that's been called "corruption" by the ditto-monkeys.
Stossel Reprimanded By ABC
NEW YORK (AP) -- ABC News has reprimanded reporter John Stossel
suspended a producer for lying like Limbaugh-dogs in a bullshit "20/20" report
questioning the safety of organic food.
An environmental watchdog group had been calling for Stossel to be fired
for the report, first aired in February and then repeated July 7.
Stossel reported that a test conducted on produce for ABC News found that
there was no pesticide residue on either conventional samples or organic ones.
But ABC, after an investigation, concluded that no such test had been done.
The network reprimanded Stossel and suspended his producer, David
Fitzpatrick, for 30 days, according to a network source who asked not
to be identified.
Stossel, who was ordered to apologize on the air for his lies Friday,
not return a telephone message left on his answering machine Wednesday.
ABC did not address why Stossel was allowed to repeat the error, even
though environmental groups complained to the network that his report
was inaccurate after it originally aired in February.
His big-ass lies have infuriated environmentalists and non-ditto-monkeys.
Editor's Note: Stossel is a Limba "Soldier of Honesty."
Police Patrol 'Tequila' Cactus
GUADALAJARA, Mexico (Reuters) - As if they were fine jewels,
some prime agave-growing areas in western Mexico have been under
guard by police for the past three months to halt the theft of a suddenly
Agave, a cactus-like plant that provides the main ingredient of
tequila, became worth its weight in gold in recent months as tequila demand has
begun to far outstrip agave supply, sending tequila prices sky-rocketing.
With the global appetite for tequila shooting off, and domestic
over the past year, Mexican law enforcement has found it necessary to start
protecting the plants from thieves, officials said.``We have 12 rural police
specialized in fighting agave theft,'' said Salvador Leal, head of public security
in the town that gave the alcoholic drink its name, Tequila.
Tequila, some 320 miles northwest of Mexico City, is home to some
finest agave plants, which take up to nine years to mature.Leal told Reuters his
special agave protection squad had arrested six people since they began patrolling
the cactus fields in May. Operations mainly take place at night.The attractions
of agave crime are obvious. A team of four people could cut enough in
2-1/2 hours to earn around $4,600, Leal said.
Death Penalty to Agave theives.
By Richard Cohen
George W. Bush lies.
He lies when he says his vow to "uphold the honor and dignity"
of the presidency
is not a reference to Bill Clinton, when the reference could not be otherwise.
He lies when he says that the Clinton administration did nothing
strengthen Social Security and repair Medicare," when a fair reading of the
administration's record suggests it did.
He lies when he asserts that two of the Army's 10 active divisions
ill-prepared for combat that, if called, they would have to report, "Not ready
for duty, sir." The Army says Bush is flat-out wrong.
His team--now I am including Dick Cheney--lies when it says Clinton
Gore "have done nothing to help children" when children, it can be fairly said,
have been an obsession of this administration. Among other things, the Clinton
administration doubled the funding of Head Start. Bush himself now professes
love for this program, which Cheney, while he was in the House, voted to abolish.
You may recoil from my use of the word "lie." I admit it's a bit
purposely so. It's a word journalists are loath to use, and politicians know it.
So for all the talk about how the press manipulates politicians, it is often the
other way around. Politicians know they can say, assert, suggest, imply and
declare almost anything without fear of being called liars. Joseph McCarthy,
not to mention Richard Nixon, built a career on this.
I am not suggesting that either Bush or Cheney is in the McCarthy-Nixon
league. I am merely suggesting that they are getting away with rhetorical
murder. For instance, Bush's acceptance speech at the Philadelphia convention
was critiqued as if it were only a theatrical performance. We graded him for
poise, for humor, for simplicity of language and for his message. We neglected
truth. Some of what Bush said wasn't true.
In contrast, poor Al Gore has not been able to make a single exaggeration
the slightest fib without the hall monitors of the press issuing multiple
demerits. In fact, even Bush got in on the act. In Philadelphia he poked fun
at Gore's purported claim to have invented the Internet.
Trouble is, Gore made no such claim. Instead, he spoke as a legislator
really had been among the first to grasp the importance of the Internet:
"During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating
the Internet." He did. You can look it up.
Similarly, Gore did not say he had discovered the Love Canal toxic
debacle, nor did he claim that the character in Erich Segal's "Love Story" was
based entirely on him. Yet for these and other supposed statements--some, I
grant you, sloppily worded--a brace of commentators has called Gore a liar. A
full listing plus an account of what Gore really said was published in the
April issue of the Washington Monthly.
But unlike Gore, Bush and Cheney for some reason get a free ride.
could even say, "I don't think we've attacked the president at this stage," when,
less than a week earlier, he had singled out Clinton by name--and not for praise,
either. "We are all a little weary of the Clinton-Gore routine," he said in his speech.
He went on to accuse them of having "done nothing to help children oppressed
by bureaucracy, monopoly and mediocrity." Poor kids.
We are always admonished not to hold politicians to too high a
truthfulness. As with advertising men, prostitutes and airline CEOs, some lying
is expected. So when Bush told the convention, "I do not need to take your
pulse before I know my own mind," I had to chuckle.
Wasn't Bush the guy who would not say what he thought about the
flag flying over the South Carolina statehouse? Wasn't he the guy who would not
criticize Kansas's decision to treat the teaching of evolution as purely optional,
like having Burnt Sienna in your Crayola box? On those issues, it was
his own pulse that was in question.
To say that two Army divisions are not combat ready, to maintain
those references to integrity and honor are not directed at Bill Clinton (and
what if they were?), to insist that the Clinton administration has ignored poor
kids or has made no attempt to ensure the future of Social Security, crosses a
certain line. You can call such statements anything you want--misrepresentations,
exaggerations, politics as usual--but call them what you may, you cannot call them true.
Yesterday you ran this item:
No, Smirk's confession hasn't come yet.
Smirk has refused to talk about his cocaine abuse.
He would only admit that he refuses to talk about it,
yet he preaches "personal responsibility" for the rest of us.
...and he's going to kill two men tonight.
I think you're looking at this refusal to
talk about cocaine usage all wrong.
Dubya is a born-again Christian, and, as Betty Bowers would point out,
he is following the Bible closing on this issue--he is denying it three times.
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