Volume 251 - The Funny Little Hat

 From:  boxwood@texas.net

 Subject: Funny little hat

 Read today in Salon that Gore spoke to the Veterans Of Foreign Wars
 the day after Bush did, but Al wore his VFW hat !

 George, it seems, doesn't have one.
 That man is subtle but vicious!

 ha ha

 Adam Stern

 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 Al Gore's lead in all six of the latest national polls must have Ol' W
 worried, because he's reverting to the George W. Bush we Texans know and love
 - the one who can't complete a sentence in the English language. Last night,
 in discussing foreign policy he said (according to Reuters): "We cannot let
 terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile."

 Last night's Blooper was only the latest in a funny -- but frightening --
 parade of idiotic statements from Bush on foreign policy and national defense.
 In March, he said Mexico was in South America, when of course it's in North
 America. He fell for a Canadian radio prankster who called to congratulate him
 on being endorsed by "Prime Minister Poutin of Canada" -- when of course the
 Prime Minister of Canada would never endorse an American election, and when the
 PM's name is Jean Chretien ("poutin" is a greasy plate of cheese fries in Canada).

 Even after his disastrous "pop quiz" Bush was still making a fool of  himself over
 heads of state: at a town hall meeting with AOL, Bush insisted that his host ask him
 the name of the President of India. When she finally, sheepishly, obliged, he smirked
 and said, "Vajpayee." Trouble is, Vajpayee is the PRIME MINISTER, not the President!
 K.R. Narayanan is the President of India. He can't even get the answers right when
 he writes the questions himself!

 ha ha

 I could go on and on: reminding you that he called the people of Greece "Grecians"
 or that he said a key to foreign policy was to "rely on reliances."
 But at some point the laughter stops and we're confronted with the scary reality
 that the presidential nominee of one of our great political parties is Dan Quayle

 ...without the experience.

 From:  sdrevik@ix.netcom.com

 Subject: Carter Economy Answer

 BartCop wrote:
 > It's widely accepted that carter bungled the economy from 1976-80.
 > Please forward to me a list of specific mistakes he made that caused
 > the great Nixon/Ford economy to suddenly go south.

 Don't you remember?
 Carter was a big promoter of deregulation!!!!


 (formerly Steve's Political Page)

 ha ha

 Good one!
 Damn those capitalists!

 From:  efriedma@eos.east.hitc.com

 Subject: Pickles Does Dallas

 > The Pigboy is going crazy. All these women are calling in
 > saying "The Kiss" is what changed their minds and makes
 > them want to vote for Gore now.

 Yup, Gore found the best way to short-circuit MonicaGate;
 let everyone see that he's still hot for Tipper.
 Easily done, when it's the truth.

 Y'think Smirk will have to counter this with a 30 second TV spot
 of him and Pickles reenacting the "Oh, Mr. Greenfield!" scene
 from Debbie Does Dallas?


 ha ha

 From:  peter.hisey@tfn.com

 Subject: Chinaco

 OK, Prince of Darkness, I finally caved and bought a bottle of Chinaco Anejo.


 You are pure evil, to keep singing its praises, forcing me to lust after
 the juice of the wild blue agave. My daughter will be deprived of clothes
 for school, she'll have to use the cheap pencils and the markers which dry up
 after about three minutes, and her lunches will all be spam sandwiches with
 those cookies that come 700 to a bag for 89 cents.
 Just so I can feed my filthy Chinaco habit.

 Thanks, BC.

 Peter Hissy

 Pete, how was it?

 Did you taste the smoke?
 Did you taste the apple?
 Did you taste the papaya?

 Write a review, tell us what you tasted.
   (In K-Drag, it's still just $31.95)

 This Just In...

 Al Gore invented Penicillin!

 Pictures at Eleven

 From:  papax7@prodigy.net

 Subject: Reply to your latest. You better number it.

 > Rush is whining about Social Sucurity being in trouble.

 > Hey, Pigboy!
 > If what you say is true, (snicker)
 > why is Smirk calling for a trillion dollar tax cut for the rich?
 > According to you, the country can't afford it! >>>

 Its obvious that you don't understand the complexities of our tax system.
 The SS system is separate from the rest of the tax system. The GOPpers have a
 lock box plan that your bosses, Clinton/AlphaGore version 8.0 are trying to claim
 as their own. So every few weeks when the surplus number keeps growing, it is a
 surplus that is separate from SS.  Social Security, at this time, has a surplus.

 But it is heading for trouble.
 At some time in the future expenses will far exceed income. There is a fundamental
 problem with SS that needs to be addressed within the context of the SS system.

 Your bosses Clinton/AlphaGore version 8.0 want to just throw surplus money at it.
 That won't fix the long term problems with SS.
 You're welcome for straightening you out.

 Papa, editor Papa's Cyber Weekly


 ha ha

 I'm still scrambling to contain the penicillin debacle.
 Darn Catholics!

 (Please direct all replies to my insane religio-wacko friend, but be polite.)

 Dr. Bartkoop:

 That was a wild one about penicillin! If you don't want to get a flood of
 email get that off of there NOW!!! Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin,
 an English scientist, in the late 20's early 30's. It was just into use in WWII.
 Al Capone while at Alcatraz was one of the first tested on for syphilis.
 You could look it up.


 As we say in court, "Withdrawn, Your Honor."

 This is all the Catholic's fault.
 I think that's the first mistake I've ever made.
 (I've been documented right 99.86 % of the time.)
 I just checked my mail - the first page has 19 e-mails containing the words
 "penicillin" and "dumbass," and then there was this:

 Celebrity Mail

 Dear BartCop:

 Today Rusty was whining that Al and Tipper looked like "high school
 sophomores at the prom" when they kissed.

 I've known Rusty for over 40 years now, and I sense that he has a great
 frustration over teenagers and sex. I've heard him dozens of times express
 his disgust for any physical affection between teenagers.

 You know why, don't you?

 Let me tell you a little story.

 It's because Rush was a goofy loser with polyester pants who couldn't even get a
 date in high school. And while lots of high school guys--including me--were like that,
 most of us at least wished we could get a girlfriend, and knew that one day we would
 have girlfriends when girls would stop judging us by what crowd we were in,
 what team we were on, etc.  Rush fell into the other category--the guys who reacted
 very negatively to girls and dating and took on a moral superiority because they weren't
 "catting around" with "sluts."

 Ted Bundy was in Rusty's category; so was Norman Bates. Mom even used to
 tease him and call him Norman, and she often chastised my father for making
 Rusty wear a dress when he misbehaved. Mom and dad were very concerned
 about Rusty; Aunt Enid thought he might be "different."

 The good news is that eventually Rusty would make enough money as a lying
 Nazi whore that women would marry him, for the same reason that Anna Nicole
 Smith married that 97-year-old rich guy.

 But Rusty still harbors a deep hatred for those teenagers who were having
 fun learning about love in their cars and parents' basements while he was
 home on Saturday night watching "Get Smart" with mom and dad and me.
 I don't know how Rusty would know what the kissing at the prom looked like,
 because he was at home the night of the prom, wearing his Kansas City Royals
 pajamas and playing with his G.I. Joes.

 That's the real reason that Rusty hates Bill Clinton so much; Clinton reminds him
 of the popular, successful boys who were dating the cute girls while Rusty was,
 ...uh, ...being self-reliant and taking matters into ...his own hands.

 It must be tough on Rusty's self-esteem knowing he finally lost his virginity to a
 prostitute at age 26, but he is a big, important man now, and he can afford to
 see a therapist about his insecurity and bitterness. I hope he does.


 David Limbaugh
 Secretly Ashamed to be Rush's Brother

 p.s. Rusty recently confided that he wished we would have had the internet
 and Dr. Laura when we were growing up. I didn't even know he liked her show.

 Old Friend Checks In

 From:  wizardofwhimsy@yahoo.com

 Subject: Stop using my images


 Stop using my images if you aren't man enough to
 apologize publicly for sandbaging me.


 For what?
 Why would I apologize to you?
 Are you nuts?

 The Bush toe tag is one of my efforts and you have no right
 to rip it off without my permission.

 You say that Bush toe tag picture is yours?

 A. How could I possibly know that?
 B. I didn't see your name on it.
 C. I can't have people writing in saying "stop using that image,"
 and then when I pull it down, have them say, "ha ha - I fooled BartCop
 into taking down some pictures after I claimed I produced them."
 D. If your name was on a picture, I would not use it
 E. We have a new protocol here.
      First, you get your ass kicked in a debate with me.
      Then the Bart-Hackers take your web site away from you.
      Then you send me $40.
      Like I say, this protocol is new, but the first time we tried it it worked great!

      ha ha

 You squeal about injustice and hypocrisy -- how about looking in the mirror?

 Hey, I'm no George Clooney, but I sleep real good at night.
 I get a 20-30 cartoons a day from everywhere.
 What do you want me to do?
 E-mail each one to you and ask if they're yours?

 In case you didn't know, the pros sign their work.

 You can make all the claims you want, but if your want to protect your
 "intellectual property," sign them, and I'll avoid them.

 Pigboy Raises Dead
        Read all about it!

 Rush just said (20 minutes into 3rd hour) that his aunt died of blood poisoning
 in the early 1900's because penicillin hadn't been invented yet.



 yet my Catholic education and my steel-trap IQ-of-64 brain tells me that Louis Pasteur,
 who was a Frenchie, invented penecillin, and Frenchie died in 1895.

 Now, odds are he invented penicillin before he died, so...

 Either Louis Pasteur waited until he was dead 10-20 years to notice his bread was moldy,
 or the "most trusted man in America," just told another lie.

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 Lady Caller: Rush, I'm gonna vote for Gore because he looked sincere
                       when he kissed his wife at the convention.

 El Pigbo:  We'll be right back,
                   ....with .....more of .....whatever "this" is,
                  .....when we get back.

 ha ha

 He can't handle the stroke and the stress of Smirk losing at the same time.

 Remember Skirt Boy?
 (Back a few issues, Vol 243 or so, but who has time to search?)

 Turns out somebody hacked into his site and caused him some problems.
 He wrote to me and said, "Good job," even tho I didn't do the hacking.
 I can barely spell hacking, but I know there are some hackers who read
  bartcop.com  and may have taken certain actions to which I was not a party.

 So Skirt Boy wrote and asked for my address, saying he wanted to buy me
 a bottle of Chinaco.  Always suspicious, I gave him the address of my neighbor
 Patrick Buckingham, the loser Republican who's been starting my car for me
 every morning since the bullets started coming in the mail.

 Monday, Patrick knocked on my door and gave me an envelope.
 It was postmarked "McKinny, TX."


 Hey Bart!
 Here is your Chinaco cash as I promised. I am kinda disappointed that we
 couldn't finish our debate. I was not even able to start making up facts yet!
 Oh well, you were a good sport, anyway.

 Not only did I actually get two sites hacked but I got e-mails from both
 you and Jerky (not to mention a million other folks!)

 This is probably the biggest celebrity status I will reach in my life
 so I will have to enjoy it while it lasts.
 Good luck in your debates and have a good day.


 PS. If you ever need any graphics for your site, let me know.

 Enclosed was a money order for $40.

 Swear ...to ...Koresh!

 After our "debate," I went to his site and he said he was going to different
 web pages looking to get a reaction and I was one of those people who
 invites social intercourse (cough) and that's what he was looking for.
 His page now endorses Al Gore for president.


 If you want to see what some hacker did to him,   Click  Here
 I can't believe someone did that to him.
 Koresh knows I don't know Smirk about hacking...

 So it looks like Shane was the good sport, and not only that,
 but he started what could be a funny precedent:

 If you'd like to get beat up in a debate with BartCop,
 and have your web page hacked, we can arrange that.
 Just mail me a $40 money order and I'll take it from there.

 ha ha

 Thanks, Shane

 I'll enjoy that Chinaco this weekend.

 Rush is whining about Social Sucurity being in trouble.

 Hey, Pigboy!
 If what you say is true, (snicker)
 why is Smirk calling for a trillion dollar tax cut for the rich?

 According to you, the country can't afford it!

 Old Business

 Thanks to Mary at  ceol@loa.net  for sending me the phone number
 for AGFA digital cameras customer service tech support.

 Mary, "Kenny the Tech" at AGFA Digital wishes you had never been born.

 ha ha

 They bounced me from station to station until I was ready for war.
 Kenny said I had to load all 1.5 GIG of software on my computer
 before I could see one picture from this little hundred dollar camera.

 The last thing I said to him was,
 "So, I need to return this piece-of-shit to the store, Cubby?"

 He said, "That's Kenny!"

 ha ha

 He was not amused.

 ha ha

 The Pigboy is going crazy.
 All these women are calling in saying "The Kiss" is what changed their
 minds and makes them want to vote for Gore now.

 ha ha

 Pigboy is tearing his hair out.
 He's holding a "no ridicule seminar" to try to discover how Gore turned around
 his dismal poll numbers and he does NOT like what he's hearing.

 This is good radio, folks.
 It's my opinion it will continue for the next 51 months.

 I haven't checked my mail since I posted the Lesbian Quiz.

 How much trouble do you think I'm in?

 Subject: L.A. She-Devil

 A couple of days ago, someone asked Ann Landers whether an attorney
 who holds a Juris Doctor degree should be addressed as "Doctor."

 Her reply:
"An attorney can be addressed as 'Doctor' if he or she prefers.
 Socially, however, lawyers and academic professionals should not use their titles.
 Those who do, I fear, are suffering from a serious case of low self-esteem and
 feel the need to be pumped up."

What's even more pathetic is a glorified P.E. teacher giving psychological advice.

 ha ha

 From: dee@tiki.net

 Subject: Hey BC

 After hearing you rant about Chinaco for a few weeks i am ordering some
 through a website just so i can try the shit out.Somehow i trust your
 judgement dont ask me why. I used to drink snapple until pigvomit face
 started endorsing it, now when i walk by the ice tea section in the store
 i see the "snapple" area and the first thing that comes to mind is that
 fat bloated cocky face with a cigar stuck in his piehole.Then i go and
 buy one of hundreds of other refreshing beverages instead. By the way
 how can you stand listening to pigvomits show and not get a headache
 or smash the radio?

 It helps relieve the boredom.
 I'm old, and I've memorized every classic rock song ever recorded,
 so El Gruntbo is at least a new stimulant for my small mind.

  Oh and please please make avi format files of el dougebag hosting Pat
 Sajaks show so the rest of us can download them,we all could use a good
 laugh too at pigvomit's expense.Or better yet make copys of on vhs for
 sale im sure more than a few of us would buy them LOL.

 This chinaco better be good shit!


 Chinaco Anejo is better than Jimmy Page and Bill Clinton.

 Remember, don't mix it with "Fredo's Margarita Mix" and write
 telling me it "tasted funny."
 This is fine sipping sauce.
 At those prices, it better be, eh?

 ha ha

 When you try it, write back with your review and tell me
 what price you paid and which URL sold it to you.

 From: aladdinsane@earthlink.net

Hiya Bartcop!

     Well, isn't this disgusting: one of my favorite rock guitarists, Ted Nugent,
 did a fundraiser for that little scumbag, Bob Barr. This makes me ill. I've always thought
 that while Ted is a rightwing loony, at least he was a FUNNY rightwing loony.

 But supporting that anklebiting mouthbreather Barr is the last straw.
 Ted doesn't get a cent from me ever again.
 Now he's just Bob Grant with some musical talent in my eyes.

 I prefer my guitars players to be from Great Britain.
 Sometimes they wear dresses and make-up, but they're not pigs.

 By the way, congrats on your new Vegas casino!

 I'd like to thank BrainSmasher for sending me e-mail on the 21st
 telling me that the LA She-Thing was going to be on C-Span the 19th.

 Stossel can't get a break
 (SOB doesn't deserve one...)

 NEW YORK (Variety) - John Stossel's credibility is no longer up for grabs.
 The ABC News correspondent was on display this week when an eBay customer
 auctioned off the reporter's ``credibility'' in the wake of his inaccurate
 ``20/20'' report on the organic food industry.

 The posting advertised that ``for an unlimited time only, John Stossel's credibility is
 open to the highest bidder! You can join the ranks of Monsanto, DuPont, ConAgra
 and Procter & Gamble and have your own piece of  John!''

 The anti-Stossel poster was presumably making a dig at the fact that Stossel
 has collected substantial fees for speaking to large corporations whose side
 he has also reported on. Before it was yanked from the site, Stossel's
 credibility drew four bids. The highest was a scant $2.25.

 ha ha

 This is one of those cases when any friend of Pigboy's is an enemy of mine.
 When Rush goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
 about how John Stossel is "the only" honest reporter on TV, it makes me hurl


 Let's talk about lesbians.
 I want to specifically talk about Anne and Ellen, who just broke up.
 (Pigboy was crying yesterday on his hate show, because "when true love
  dies, it's always sooooooo sad," the vulgar Cro-Mag told his sheep.

 And before we get started, if you're going to attack me for not being sensitive
 enough to the lesbians just blow me up front, because I'm not in the mood.

 OK, first off, Anne broke the rule.
 She was straight when she met Ellen, then turned gay.
 Ellen is NOT that good looking.
 If a guy meet Clooney and turned gay, I might understand, but not Ellen.

 This goes against what I believe and what I believe is the accepted theory
 among liberals that sexual orientation isn't a decison one consciously makes.

 Did Bono, Gingrich, Schaffly, Reagan etc etc "teach" their kids to be gay?
 I think not.

 So if being gay isn't a conscious decision, what's with Anne Heche?
 It's OK either way, I just want to know what a lesbian thinks about the
 difference between Anne and most gays, if there is one.

 (If you write about that, please say up-front if you're gay or not.
  No sense in a straight person explaining how gays think,
  if a gay right behind him/her says, "No, that's not the deal.")

 Now, here comes the tricky part, the part where you shouldn't get angry.

 To shorten the verbiage, let's call them "fem" and "butch."
 I don't know any gays - at all - but those nutty twin girls I used to work with
 hung out exclusively at gays clubs, and they clued me in to the lingo.

 Let's say a totally fem girl is a 1, and a totally butch girl is a 10.
 So, guessing, Anne was the fem on the team, we'll assign her a 4,
 and Ellen, the more butch of the two, we'll say was a 7.

 OK, here's the quiz.

 Now that they're broken up, let's say Ellen meets a 9, that is
 a girl more butch than herself. Does Ellen then become the fem?
 Is it all relative?

 I can't see how it wouldn't be, unless a fem isn't turned on by another fem.
 And if that's true, how does that work?  How would you tell?
 Are signals, say, at a nightclub, sent via dress code?

 Likewise, if Anne (is she still gay?) is a 4, and meets a 2,
 does she then become the one who has to take out the trash?

 Speaking of that dress code, I can guess how a butch sends signals - short hair,
 wallet on a heavy chain, pack of Lucky's wrapped in her T-shirt sleeve, etc.
 But how does a fem send signals?
 Use extra make-up?

 Wouldn't a fem appear straight at a gay club?

 Speaking of confusion, USA Today says yesterday, Anne was east of Yosemite
 in Cantua Creek, Intelligencia and had a bad moment. The paper says she
 knocked on the door of "some people" and made "strange statements."
 Then she was treated for two hours at a local hospital and released.

 So, could I get some feedback on the gay thing:
 1. Did Anne choose to be gay? If not, how can you tell?
     And if she DID make the conscious choice, would that not then bolster the
     GOP's argument that gays shouldn't adopt? If gay behavior is learned,
     wouldn't the adopted child have a better chance with straight parents?

     And if that's wrong, what's up with Anne?

 2. Then, the math question.
     What happens when a 7 meets a 9?
      Do they play rock, paper, scissors?
     Also, what happens if two 5's meet?
     Or two 7's, or two 3's?

     If two 5's meet, is there simply no friction? (pun intended)
     And how is no friction possible if one 5 looks like Angie Harmon?


  Let me hear from you, and state up-front if you're gay or straight.
  And if I didn't take the time to sugar-coat everything, give me a break.
  Christ, this is issue 251.
  You can't doubt my motives...

 Great Pigboy Quotes

 Debby's headed right for my house!!

 ha ha

 I hope she kicks your ass, Pigboy.

 Challenge for the Rush fans.

 It's widely accepted that carter bungled the economy from 1976-80.
 Please forward to me a list of specific mistakes he made that caused
 the great Nixon/Ford economy to suddenly go south.

 Thank you.

 Last night, during the football game, got some e-mail from Bernie.
 Remember Bernie?

 He's the bad, bad man who beat up my buddy Rush on the radio.
 Shame on you, Bernie.
 (Bernie, what's the name of that ram file of you kicking Rush's ass?)

 Anyway, Bernie was beating up some ditto-monkeys over at
 Monday Night Football.com, or whatever it is, and he asked me
 if I was in the mood to have some ditto-monkey for supper.

 Well, I'd already eaten, but I always have some room for ditto-monkey,
 so Bernie, Alaska Tom and I went into battle.
 At MNF.com, they hate Dennis Miller - hate him with a passion.

 I quickly deduced the problem was they were ditto-monkeys,
 and they really wanted their hero Pigboy in the MFN booth
 so he could explain what to think about football, too.

 I explained to them, using small words and short sentences,
 that the reason they weren't enjoying Miller was because he is
 an educated man and they were garden-variety ditto-spanks.

 Well, they didn't cotton to my "straight talk."
 We had to get a little mean with them, but it made me wonder...

 How is everybody liking Dennis Miller on MNF?

 I think he's an absolute riot, and a lot of it is because he's so educated.
 He's always throwing in references to Shakespeare or the ancient Greek
 Gods and now and then when I get the joke, I feel real proud of myself.
 His "Sword of Damocles" and "Tigres & Euphrates" jokes sleigh me.

 I remember one line he had early, about a guy covering a kickoff.
"That guy throws his body around like a Chinese acrobat with an inner ear problem."
 If you don't know the inner ear controls your balance, you won't get it.

 So what's your opinion of Dennis Miller on MNF?
 If you always like him and like him now, no need to answer.
 If you always hate him and hate him now, no need to answer.

 But if you like him, but not on MNF, please write.
 If you hate him, but like him on MNF, please write.

 Lemme know...

 Baseball Quiz

 The baseball quiz was won by Henry Potter.
 Well, lots of people got the right answer, the Cardinal's Fernando Tatis,
 but Henry was first.  Tatis did the unthinkable, hitting two Grand Slams
 in the same inning. The only way to beat his mark would be to hit two
 Grand Slams and get a third at-bat.

 Honorable mention to BrainSmasher for sending the documentation.
 Both men have won a trip to Aruba.

 Great Jewish Quotes

 Gore should ask this question:
 Would  you hire George W. Bush to be your doctor or your financial advisor?
 Would you hire a doctor like Bush? No! He's not qualified.
 Would you want to be in a fraternity with him? Sure!

 But when you're picking a president, you want to use the same criteria you use
 to pick a doctor or financial advisor. I want a doctor who reads the medical journals.
 And  when I pick a doctor, I always pick the ugliest one,
 the one who didn't make it on his charm.
     --Alan Dershowitz

 Great True Quotes

 "Dirty money in politics is hijacking your vote."
    -- Ralph Nader

 Tiger Woo

 Hey BC,
 I saw the shot on that particular hole.  To me it looked "funny"
 and to see the guy running after it and pointing to it was hokey.
 But, he really did hit a 335 yard drive on the 17th hole in the fairway and hit
 a perfect 92 yard sand wedge 3 feet from the hole and made the putt.

 They used to say Arnies Army would "move" bad shots into better position.
 But there are way to many people watching EVERY SHOT BY EVERYBODY
 to pull that off.  He really made those insane 10 foot par putts to save his ass.
 Come on BC, you got to call that one as it is.

 This kid is THAT GOOD!
 Did you hear what Bob May said about playing the round with Tiger?
 He said he was very gracious, and friendly during a very intense round.
 Like I said before if he pulls any nazi like shit I will call his ass on it.



 I like to pretend I'm a logician.
 I can see his scores, I know he's that good.
 Half the reason I dislike him is because he IS that good.

 Like admitting Rush is the biggest thing to ever hit the AM airwaves, I understand.
 I'm not deluding myself with some kind of synthetic reality.
 I wish I could be happier for a brother making it,
 but he just rubs me the wrong way.

 If someone asks me, "Who's the best golfer, ever?"
 I'll say "Tiger Woo," but I won't enjoy saying it.

 From: j_mason@ameritech.net

 Subject: Tiger Woo

 C'mon, Bartcop:

 What's the truth here, Rush is embracing Tiger, or Tiger is embracing Rush?
 If its the former, then why castigate Tiger because he has an admirer as
 scuzzy as Rush? If its the latter, then its a whole 'nother  matter entirely.

 Call me the cynic, but I'd say Rush is a hueueueueuge golf fan, and he sees
 praise of Tiger Woo as a way to prove he's not the Nazi racist he really is.
 Tiger is "one of the good ones."

 I'm a fan of Tiger's but just because Rush likes him shouldn't mean that I can't.
 Rush says he likes football and good cigars, should I stop
 watching football or just buy cheap cigars?
 Rush sells Bose products, should I junk my Bose speakers
 which I purchased years before I ever heard of Rush?

 Yes, and no.
 Hooked on Phonics and Select-a-Bed and Bose and other companies
 advertise on Rush, Laura and Harvey because, in my opinion, their products
 need that blind sheep factor to make sales because they suck donkey.
 Snapple, Nose Strips, Oreck, Fox News - all their products are suspect to me
 because they HAVE to go to them for sales.

 If my product won't sell, I'll pay Pigboy and Laura to whore,
 "This product is GREAT" so people will think it is.

 If Pigboy started whoring for Zeppelin, Chinaco Anejo and the South's Finest Chocolates,
 I'd have to change my tune - till then, my theory holds water.

 Of course I watched the tournament Sunday, and yes as a Tiger fan,
 that ball on the 18th was about as bizarre as anything I've ever seen.
 Yet Tiger didn't have anything to do with it, not directly. He didn't kick
 the ball out. He didn't even see how the ball wound up where it was. And
 there were enough tournament officials there to make a decision if the
 ball had been affected or altered by a fan, intentionally or otherwise.

 Dude, when Britney Spears gets voted "Best Vocalist," maybe she didn't have
 anything to do with fixing the ballots, but you gotta recognize that when there's
 money to be made, "facts" can be manipulated. I can't guarantee it was crooked,
 but when somebody gets rich when the dice hits seven 9 times in a row,
 you're Catholic if you don't check the dice afterwards.

 Bartcop, I expect a little better from you. That's not to say who you can or cannot like,
 or who you're able to attack. I just like for there to be something of a reason or rationale,
 so that I can understand. Rush likes Tiger, so Tiger is bad?

 Dude, don't ever expect better from me.
 I am who I am, my opinions are my own.
 They aren't manufactured.
 They're not paid for.

 I don't like Tiger Woo, and I extra-don't like Pigboy fawning over him.
 If this wasn't the former Rush Limba-Lying, Nazi Whore newsletter,
 we wouldn't even be talking about Tiger Woo, but it is/was.
 I'm old, I'm Catholic, I can't change who I am.

 What if Rush started praising Chinaco?

 Then he would be right.
 Chinaco deserves praise from Jeffery Dahmer.

 ha ha

 You thought you had me, didn't you?

 Where would that leave you?

 That's unanswerable.
 If corn was red, where would that leave you?

 Now if the people of Chinaco want Rush as a spokesman,
 then I have to stop buying?  But if Rush says he likes it, then all I
 can say is that there is a shred of likeable intelligence in the man.

 John Mason

 Johnny, you may have just proven my entire point.
 One taste of Chinaco Anejo, and you don't need a "talent on loan from God"
 radio shill-whore to lead the easily led to buy your less-than product.

 The proof is in the product.
 When one tries the Chinaco, it's like the Spores episode of Star Trek.
 Suddenly - you understand.

 Shot of Chinaco for BartCop...

 Actually, I see your point.
 It's not Tiger Woo's fault Pigboy is fawning over him.
 Those other products NEED Pigboy's blind sheep-loyalty, Tiger doesn't.

 So, I hereby don't hate Tiger Woo, he's just my least-favorite golfer.

 From:  booradley@postmark.net

 Subject: Bitchin' New Banner!

 Dear bartcop-

 What a fabulous new banner.
 I have promptly displayed it on my page, for people to link through to.
 What a beaut!


 P.S. Did you get the "Rush Hosts the Pat Sajak Show" tape?
 I almost cried, I was laughing so hard, when the audience turned on him...

 That killer banner was done by JennyQ1@aol.com
 She's the best.
 She's a pillar of the Church of BartCop.

 Yes, I got that fantastic tape - from Isaac, I thought.
 How'd you know he sent it?

 I've only seen the first 5 minutes, and it's great!
 Pigboy has his maggot-infested, rock n roll haircut.
 He looks like Meatloaf, but fatter.

 Now that the conventions are over, I just need a few minutes
 when Mrs. BC isn't looking so I can watch it and see what happens.

 PS. Send your URL next time so I can mention it.

 No More, No More

 Click  Here

 From:  joalan515@netscapeonline.co.uk

 Subject: Good work

 Hi Bart,

 I'm English and have never heard RL (LNW) or Dr. LS (LNW).
 But I've been checking your page every day for 2 years now and
 (in case you didn't know) it's one of the very best
 (ranks with theonion and modernhumorist. But better).

 Anyway, cheers, and keep up the EXCELLENT work.

 PS -- here in Oxford (moderately famous alumnus: WJ Clinton)
 we can't  buy Chinaco. So, toasting you with Calvados....

 Alan Lees

 Alan, thanks for the kind words.
 Both Pigboy and the LA She-Thing are on the web, if you have the stomach.
 http://rushlimbaugh.com  and  http://www.drlaura.com
 Rush starts at noon NY time, not sure about the She-Thing.

 Stranger than hell, if you get to Rush's web site right away, he's chosen the exact same
 sound clip that I posted about Smirk Daddy throwing the election back in 1992.
 (It's under "Open Line Friday," for some reason, even tho it happened today)

 I wondered for a second why he'd do that, then I figured it out - it's because he had
 the opportunity to mention that Pres Bush wrote him a hand-written note, and he'd never
 pass up a chance to brag about that, so he wanted that clip archived so his fans would
 know just how great and important he really is, the disfunctional bastard.

 By the way, since you're in England,
 you must know our London correspondent, Nick Barlow.
 Tell him BartCop says, "Hey!"

 ...and it's so sad about the Chinaco...

 Great Idol Quotes

 "...I'm not scary. I'm basically just a joke-blower.
 That's basically all I am, a joke-blower on the back of some Mexican gardener,
 blowing jokes all over the driveway, a fairly harmless guy, believer in love and truth,
 antiwar, believer in the values under which this country was originally founded:
          -- Bill Hicks, one of the greats

 Thru Napster and the comedy newsgroups, I've downloaded
 hours and hours of Bill Hicks. I haven't heard any yet.

 Trooper impressed with AlGore III

  CHARLOTTE, N.C., Aug. 21 (UPI) -- The trooper who arrested Al Gore's
 17-year-old son for driving 97 in a 55 says he may vote for Gore as a result.

  The Charlotte Observer said Monday North Carolina state trooper Michael
  Conwell  was impressed with the way the Gore family handled the situation.
  "I liked what I saw. I hate to say it, but maybe this swayed me a little bit," Conwell said.

  Conwell stopped Al Gore III on a Carolina highway and was told he was hurrying
  to catch a flight to Los Angeles for Demo-Con 2000.

  Conwell said when he took the youth to the slammer he asked,
 "Are you related to the vice president?  And he said, 'Yes sir. I'm his son.'

  "Of course, I was shocked. You just don't expect to be arresting the vice
  president's son on the highway," the 30-year-old Conwell said.  "It didn't
  make a difference to me who he was. I was just doing what I was supposed to
  do, protect the people on the highway. He was running super-fast."

  He said the youth, who had no previous record, specifically asked him not
  to do anything differently because of who he was.

  "When a prominent person doesn't try to use their influence in that kind
  of situation, that's impressive," Conwell said.

  ha ha

 Compare that to when Smirk gets in trouble.
 To this day, he uses his daddy's name to make the bad, bad world go away.
 I'm afraid Smirk's quest for the presidency is dead on arrival.

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 Go to  bartcop.com


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