Stroke Me, Stroke Me
Today's first hour:
Who would you rather have in charge of
your medical care?
...or some HBO?
Strokeboy, did you forget your medicine again today?
Subject: Ellen and Anne
I don't see the Ellen and Anne as a breakup
of lesbians. I see it as a
breakup of a lesbian and a gold digger. Anne reminds me of a "trophy wife."
She looks like the type of women you see down at the yacht club. You know, a
gorgeous 28 year old blonde, dripping in diamonds and gold, hanging on the
arm of a 65 year old goat who just happens to be worth millions.
If I remember correctly, Ellen and Anne
got together just as Ellen hit it
big. Before, Anne was straight. When she saw Ellen's money, she found out
she was gay.
Or am I too cynical?
Ask again later.
Burton Eats It Again
"Should be full by now," friends say.
Babbitt Inquiry Report Released
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The special
prosecutor tasked to investigate
Interior Secretary Bruce Babbitt released her final report Tuesday,
explaining why she had previously found insufficient evidence to prosecute him.
The investigation stemmed from
allegations that Babbitt rejected a proposed
Indian casino because of campaign contributions and then lied to Congress about it.
Remember when that Semper Fi traitor Ollie North lied to Congress? The GOP
justified that by saying, "Congress is such shit, they don't deserve the truth."
That's a true story, Kay.
The report, over 600 pages long, was met
with sharp words from the
chairman of the House committee Babbitt testified to, and relief from
Babbitt's office that the ordeal is finally over.
Secret-bastard maker Dan Burton, (R-Watermelons),
said he was disappointed at
statements in the report that Babbitt conceded to a grand jury that some of his statements
"either were not entirely accurate or at least constituted 'overstatement.'''
"I am very disturbed that a cabinet official would
come before my committee and give
false testimony,'' Burton said in a statement.
Independent Counsel Carol Elder Bruce, a
veteran prosecutor who was
assigned the case in March 1998, said in October that she would not
seek indictments against Babbitt or anyone else involved in the controversy.
In the report, Bruce said she found ``no evidence."
Both Clinton Administrations are still felony-free.
Can Smirk Daddy say that? No
Can Reagan's minions say that? No.
"Minions" is such a funny word.
Subject: Your Web Site
I find you to be completely partisan and
have found every argument presented
on your web site to be baseless. Knowing you blindly support Gore only
lowers my opinion of him.
Born-again Bush supporter,
Watch Smirk win by one vote.
Subject: lesbian quiz, all is explained!!!
Hi. I'm a lesbian. self-proclaimed.
i can't speak for everyone but i can give you
my own point of view, and maybe my experience talking to other women about
these same issues.... apologies if this is too long-winded....
> Let's say Ellen meets a 9, that is
a girl more butch than herself.
> Does Ellen then become the fem? Is it all relative?
I'd have to say it's relative. everyone
sees "butch/femme" differently. i guess if you were
looking at them as an outsider you would say "there is the butch one" but i'n not sure that
it really matters to the subjects.... i dont' know many lesbians who go around with a calculator
planning out the dynamics of a relationship. a lot of people i know totally disregard the
butch/femme thing as a self-identifier. In the sense that it is not necessary to have a butch
and a femme in a relationship.
That last sentence was important, but how can that be?
Maybe instead of butch/femme, we should talk dominant/submissive?
Traditional male/female relationships usually
have the man in charge.
That reckless testosterone is a motivator and instigator, and the female
is usually the governor that holds the testosterone in place.
I don't know Anne and Ellen, but I see Ellen
saying, "I'd like to see this movie
and eat dinner at that restaurant, is that OK with you?"
And Anne would say, "I'd lke that movie,
but not the restaurant," so they compromise.
On Ellen's next date, if she starts picking the movie and the restaurant, and her date
is an 8 or a 9, wouldn't that start a fight?
> And if that's true, how does that work?
How would you tell?
> Are signals, say, at a nightclub, sent via dress code?
All i can say to that is, it SUCKS.
I guess if you go to gay bars, which i don't,
you can expect the women to be mostly gay, but still straight ppl go to gay bars.
my friends always talk about getting hit on by men at a LESBIAN bar. i dont' know.
I can never tell when a girl is gay, unless they have some kind of rainbow logo somewhere,
Years ago, Al Pacino did a movie called
"Cruising," where the bi's would put a hanky in
the right pocket, and the gays a hanky in the left. That's what I meant about the dress code.
Maybe things have come a long way since then - that movie must be 20 years old.
> Likewise, if Anne (is she still gay?)
is a 4, and meets a 2,
> does she then become the one who has to take out the trash?
Every relationship is different even for
lesbians. it would just depend on the person
and what kind of power balance they like in a relationship.
Interesting... I see the embryo of some
When Anne is looking for her next partner, she'll have to factor in whether or not she'll
be the one getting up in the middle of the night with the shotgun to check on the noise
they both heard coming from the garage. If she picks "Sally," then Sally would be the one
getting up, being the 9, but if she decides on "Julie," who's a 5, then Anne has to get up.
> And if she DID make the conscious choice,
would that not then bolster the GOP's
> argument that gays shouldn't adopt? If gay behavior is learned, wouldn't the adopted
> child have a better chance with straight parents?
I don't believe gay behavior is "learned".
If emotional/physical attraction and relating were learned, i would be straight.
I would be living in Rat's Ass going to community college and dating a raging alcoholic abuser
if i modeled after what i saw as a kid.
SO. i don't believe that if someone's
parents are gay it would make any difference.....
i think it has so much more to it. I'm saying there are no blanket statements that define
the origins of sexual orientation. At least according to my own judgment after having
done a lot of reading, research and talking to other gay people.
Anyway, what's so bad about being gay??
(Oh, i forgot, we're taking this country to
hell in a handbasket, and we want to teach fisting in 3rd grade. We so evil!!)
Must be part of the "secret gay agenda."
> If two 5's meet, is there simply no
friction? (pun intended)
> And how is no friction possible if one 5 looks like Angie Harmon?
Again, depends on the individuals.
Every time. I dont' know of any fixed norms in the
group i hang around with. It might be different with some who are older or in different groups,
but i can't speak for them. As for angie harmon, that's a tough one as well....
But - would a femme "butch up" for an Angie
Would a butch start using lipstick for an Angie Harmon?
The point I was trying to get to there was,
assuming other people agree that Angie Harmon is
very attractive, wouldn't 3's and 7's both be attracted to her? It's easy to figure out with straights,
because all men are pigs. Most men would do anything for a woman like that. My first boss in
the finance busines, Danny Ray McCown, used to say, "BartCop, see that blonde in the red dress?
I'd ride a garbage truck in Tyler, Texas for 50 years for one night with her."
Trust me, most straight men think like that.
That's why a president would risk everything for a little tongue action.
Sometime i'll send in this funny story i
got from a brochure of the Rush Limbaugh tour of
Cape Girardeau. Apparently you can tour around to see where rush plunked his nazi ass
all over Cape. I'll have to find that thing. It's hilarious.
Let us know if you find it...
*renovations coming soon*
News reports say, "Nancy," the biggest elephant
at the National Zoo
in Washington had to be put down because she was too sick to go on.
...any reference you might make to the Smirk campaign is understandable.
Subject: The Kiss
Whenever I thought about "The Kiss" it was
the one on Ally McBeal
I was thinking about -- Ally and Lucy Liu, if I remember right.
Now, I am thinking about Al and Tipper and
"You still turn me on after all these years, babe" Kiss.
What is a man to do!
That Ali-Lucy kiss was as hot as the sun.
Quote of the Day
From USA Today, page 2A
How has CBS managed to keep the Survivor winner a secret?
"People don't want to know this. It would
be like giving away the ending
to a book. People have invested a lot of time and energy cheering contestants on.
The whole phenomenon would be injured of somebody leaked.
People hate somebody who gives away a good secret.
You don't want to be another Linda Tripp."
A shot of Jose Cuervo in a dirty glass for Linda Tripp.
Last spring, one or two months before CBS's
premiered, I was
watching an NBC Dateline broadcast at 2:00 am on a Monday morning (part of
NBC's All-Night broadcast.) It concerned the winner of the Survivor contest,
and some controversy involving his personal life. No, it had nothing to do with his
sexual orientation, but if I recall, he was from a New England coastal town.
It was definitely not Rudy--of him, I would
have remembered...the winner, therefore,
I "predict" will be Richard. Look, I could be totally wrong about this, what with
NBC apparently in collusion with CBS and everyone else in withholding the identity of
the lone "survivor." And I am getting a bit old, but I don't think my memory's gone
THAT bad. I'm wondering if any other Bartcop fans recall that Dateline broadcast...
P.S.--Please don't publish my e-mail address.
Thanks. And I've been
digging your RL-LNW/Bartcop page since discovering it via Yahoo in 1997.
Keep on truckin'.
Looks like some ditto-monkeys are getting
a little too worked up
about Craig Kilborn's not-too-funny sniper gag.
They stole an idea from the stopdrlaura.com site
Stubby Shoots, Scores
Subject: Sarah Brady (on Bush and guns)
Sarah Brady says
In 1997, Gov. Bush actually signed a bill
to allow carrying of handguns
in churches, nursing homes, hospitals and amusement parks.
Let me guess, in the same order
1) To deal with unbelievers
2) In case Kvorkian shows up
3) To make sure the unborn make it out alive
4) To amuse oneself...duh!
P.S. I looked up the law enacted (HR 2909,
on 9/1/97) on the Texas web pages.
The enacted law adds a line to the code which excludes the following list from places
where concealed weapons cannot be carried (subject to the condition that
the person has not been informed they are tresspassing)
(4) on the premises of a hospital licensed
under Chapter 241, Health and Safety Code,
or on the premises of a nursing home licensed under Chapter 242, Health and Safety Code,
unless the license holder has written authorization of the hospital or nursing home administration,
(5) in an amusement park; or
(6) on the premises of a church, synagogue, or other established place of religious worship.
Do you think Eminem will live to see 2001?
Don't you get the feeling he's one bad day from checking out?
He's in the news again today.
His wife filed for divorce, which will probably save her life, and she has said
in court papers that he's, "a nut." and should not be allowed to have visitation
with their daughter because of his "ongoing antics."
And he's a gun nut.
Sure, I carry a gun, but you don't see my
name in the paper ever week
because I pistol-whipped some dude while my bodyguards held him.
Oh, yeah, his mother has filed a second
suit against him, based on
comments he made to the press about the original, $10,000,000 suit
she filed last year - and then, of course, there's the drugs.
This guy has "Tupac" written all over him.
I've never lost a wife, mother and daughter
all at one time,
but it's enough to make "poor" Eminem join the Women Hater's Club.
He might see New Year's, but will he see 2001?
Kevin has a new look, new stuff at cunninghamstrikes.com
Idea by Adam Stern firstname.lastname@example.org
There's a new button on bartcop.com - it's the Magic Chinaco Button.
If you click on it, there's a chance you can have God's Finest
delivered to your door, ...your boat ...or ...your treehouse!
They want $45 for a bottle, plus delivery, which isn't a bad price.
Chinaco Anejo isn't something you drink everyday after work.
Koresh, you'd need a briefcase full of cash to do that...
But for some special occasion, birthday, anniversary or ...football
there's nothing like twenty drops of springtime dancing on your tongue.
And in some places, they don't sell Chinaco.at any price.
...and this is not an endorsement of alcohol.
It's an endorsement of only one brand of an adult beverage.
If you try some of this, here's what'll eventually happen.
Maybe 30 days later, you'll be in a restaurant and you'll overhear some
knucklehead order a shot of Cuervo Gold and you'll gag your food.
The other thing, and nobody knows about this,
...it's extremely addictive.
I'm not talking about the alcohol, I'm saying the Chinaco.
If you have debt, credit or alcohol problems, that may not be the right button
for you but if you can control yourself, and don't have another way to taste
the good stuff, this button might come in handy.
What else do I need to cover...?
Oh, they have other stuff too, but why buy regular liquor?
If you're paying for shipping, don't ship crap.
And they only deliver to 24 states, thanks to religion, but they deliver to dozens of
countries where the people aren't as sexually oppressed as this backward hole is.
(Alan in UK!)
Check the site for details, and lastly, you nutty kids reading
Don't you be digging in Dad's wallet for his credit card while he's asleep.
Don't you be having it express shipped for that party Saturday.
You just never-you-mind fine tequila till you get a few more miles on ya.
This is an adult thing, ...now get outta here.
Reno Declines to Authorize
Gore Cock Hunt
"It was the right decision," said the sane people.
There's only one candidate in the race with a hat like this.
I said I wasn't going to watch Survivor tonight, but I'm going
to straddle and
flip-flop on that topic and reverse my course with a totally new direction.
This Survivor deal is probably going to be a big thing.
In the TV Guide, it says they start with two stabs-in-the-back,
which includes some
old-fasioned leaving two, then the last seven losers put
the final two under cross-examination, using "tribal justice," (ha ha - I'd like some of that!)
then closing arguments and then the big vote, followed a by an hour of drinks
with - this can't be right - with Bryant Gumble?
I won't admit to watching it, I know who Rudy and naked Rich are,
but when people talk about it I can't buy a clue. But Mrs. BartCop watches,
and she's picking Rudy to walk away with the million dollars.
I don't guess this will get Super Bowl ratings, but it gets 28,000,000
(Regis only gets 21,000,000) and if anyone ever watched any episode,
they'll be watching tonight, right?
And don't we owe CBS for putting something on during the summer?
(Yeah, like our eternal gratitude...)
So if you watch it tonight, maybe something funny will happen
and we can talk
about it Thursday, but don't write afterwards and say, "I knew XXX was going to win..."
Subject: Congratulations on Issue 250!!!
My hat's off to you for reaching issue 250, one of the best issues yet.
You really HAVE accomplished something pretty remarkable -- paid
worth of dues, which meant you've spent more time thinking about RL-LNW and
Bartcop.com than Smirk has about where he spent 1971.
I agree with the English guy who wrote you, as I've told you before.
site has always been great and keeps getting better. I've so much enjoyed
watching it evolve. It's the best site on the web. I'd rather do without
West Wing or The Sopranos than do without bartcop. That even applies to
The Simpsons (except the new episodes).. I don't think anyone else on earth
has ever done what you've just done, or done anything so long, so well.
You can bet I'll still be reading when you reach Issue 500.
Anyway, consider this a one-man standing ovation for all the fun
delight you've given me, all 250 issues of it.
Please - Never Quit!
From: aladdinsane <email@example.com>
Penicillin was discovered in 1928 by a Scot named Alexander Fleming
From: Gary Stephens <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin in the late 40s.
From: William Killian <email@example.com>
Subject: Slap your nuns...
Flemming in the '40s discovered penicillin
From: "S. Young" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Love the site - but you blew it on the penicillin thing.
Penicillin was discovered by Alexander Fleming (a Scottish scientist) - in 1928.
From: Ronald Henry <email@example.com>
penicillin was discovered by Alexander Fleming in 1928.
From: GARY STOVER <ARGYL@email.msn.com>
penicillin was discovered in 1928 by Alexander Fleming.
From: Brian Olexy <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Fleming, an Englishman I think, discovered penicillin around the late 1920s/early 1930s.
From: Santa Inthemorning <email@example.com>
Subject: your erroneous error
Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928, genius.
From: Pat Carrithers <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Penicillin was invented in the 1940s--I believe the inventor was a man named Fleming.
From: William Killian <email@example.com>
So its the Catholic's fault.
Here is a public school kid who knows better...
From: William Tong <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Pencillin was discovered by A. Fleming in 1928
From: Moose & Squirrel
Penicillin was first observed in 1928 by British bacteriologist Sir Alexander Fleming,
From: "Batchelor, M" <email@example.com>
Pasteur didn't invent the anti-biotic. It was some guy who was working with molds.
From: "Comeau, Michael" <Michael_Comeau@CalPERS.CA.GOV>
Once again, Pigboy gets it half right...
Although Louis Pasteur had made a connection between disease and germs and
learned how to keep milk from spoiling, it was Ernest Duchesne, a French
medical student, who discovered (about 1896) a substance produced by a mold
which could apparently kill bacteria (i.e., penicillin). However, Duchesne's
work was largely ignored and eventually forgotten until 1928, when a
Scottish physician named Alexander Fleming was working on staphylococci//
From: duh boid <firstname.lastname@example.org>
If I remember my History Channel correctly, penicillin was invented by two dudes in England in 1928.
Am I the first to write?
Do I get to go to Aruba too?
Sir Alexander Fleming (1881 - 1955), Ernst Boris Chain and Sir Howard Florey invented it,
From: Bill Landaeta <WilliamL15@prodigy.net>
Subject: Chinaco Anejo
I found it online at http://www.sendliquor.com/shoponline.htm .
Bill, make them stop beating me.
Sorry Bartcop, The great Maha Mushie does lie, but Alexander Fleming
discovered penicillin in 1928, and published his findings in 1929
From: "Spindler, Kevin M" <email@example.com>
Actually, Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin in 1928.
(You know, if I threw a party with free cocaine and free
and free playmate bunny sex, I couldn't get this many people to show up)
From: "Shotzberger, Mark" <MShotzberger@work.com>
Fleming discovers penicillin 1928 - 1945
From: Eckhard Festag <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Penicillin was discovered by Alexander Fleming
From: Melic <email@example.com>
Penicillin was discovered in 1928 by Sir Alexander Fleming.
Melic gets bonus points for sending the picture!!
From: Michael Orth <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: I hate to do this but.....
Rush is a Lying Nazi Whore, and I know he couldn't provide this info if asked, but
This doesn't disprove your premise; He still is a fat fuck liar.
Bartcop, dude, it wasn't Pasteur who discovered penicillin.
That was Alexander Fleming, in 1928,
From: Eliot Friedman <email@example.com>
Subject: Fleming, not Pasteur
Interesting confusion. I found at least one site attributing
penicillin's discovery to
We have a winner!!!
No more calls - we have a winner!!!
........Eliot Friedman wins the car!!!..........
The Definition of "Prepared"
by James Higdon
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