Volume 263 - The Pennsylvania Panic

 September 12, 2000 Part II

 Great GOP Quotes

 "I guarantee, someday the revolution of 1994 will continue."
     -- Sean (Substitute Nazi) Hannity, admitting the revolution is dead.

 When Pigboy or Hannity are having a bad day,
 that means I've having a good day.

 Hannity sounds defeated, like this election is over.
 He's right.

 From: aadrian@tampabay.rr.com

 Subject: Where is the outrage and Bill Bennett when you need him?

 Hi BartCop!

 I was "Jonesin' it" with you gone.
 Please don't do it again.

 Yes, ma'am.

 Anyhow, I was so angry over the lack of outrage concerning Dubya's
 vulgar remark before the open mike at that stump  speech.
 He and his cadre of flaks have the temerity to say, "it was a private commment?"
 Oh really!

 Is there anything in the universe more private than oral sex?
 The GOP and Bill Bennett made oral sex dinner-table discussion for two years.

 Bill Bennett was on the Sunday talk shows and he was not questioned about this
 incident ONCE nor did he mention it once.  Excuse me, Mr. Moral Police,
 but you seemed to be so concerned about the effects of what Clinton did,
 especially "the children....what are we going to tell the children?"

 You silly.
 The children are only harmed if there's a "D," behind the man's name.

 Now if Bill Clinton or Al Gore said this, the Right Wing Press would have been
 ALL OVER that story.   I can hear the discourse:  "what kind of effect is this
 having on our children; or HE is the reason our kids are speaking vulgarities"!
 "What does this say about his true character?"  And what really pissed me off was
 that the focus was on "speaking openly about hatred for a reporter in the press."
 This was not the issue, the issue was that he said ASSHOLE!

 I cannot stand the double-standard.

 Faithful BartCop reader,
 Alicia Adrian

 We have the luxury of sweet revenge.
 We get to watch Smirk say, "I didn't want to win, anyway."
 They say a party has to endure three consecutive losses to change.

 So, what will the Cro-Mags do next?

 They can't help themselves.

 From our British Correspondent

 From: piratecorps@onetel.net.uk

 Subject: When Rush Retires

 Just been thinking about Rush's possible retirement at the end of the year,
 which you've suggested might happen and why this might be a bad thing -
 beyond the fact that you won;t get the chance to go mano a mano
 with him if he goes this year.

 The facts are this: since Rush has risen to national prominence (around
 89/90, wasn't it?) the Republicans have been in one of their biggest
 slumps for decades.  They've not had a sniff of the White House since
 Bush Daddy tanked the election in 92, and even though they've managed to
 get a majority in Congress, they've not been able to do anything with
 it, continually  finding themselves out of step with the public as they
 lurch further to the Reich.

 2000 looks like being the worst year of all for them - at least $100m
 down the tube on the Shrub, coupled with losing the House and maybe the
 Senate as well.  President Gore, VP Lieberman, Speaker Gephardt and
 Senator Clinton?  Ditto-monkey nightmares aren't usually as scary as
 this dose of reality.

 So, what does Rush have to do with this?  Basically, to the public at
 large he is the face of the GOP.  People connect Rush and the
 ditto-spanks to the GOP, thinking that whatever Rush says is the message
 of the GOP.  Thus, the GOP means intolerance, bigotry and ignorance.
 So, they vote Democrat, not wanting to let the hate-mongers run their lives.

 'Moderate' Republicans like Ridge, Whitman etc, who might present some
 sort of challenge to the Democrats are sidelined within the party thanks
 to the dominance of the monkeys, who can tune in every day to get the
 latest line on who to hate from their Fuhrer of the airwaves.

 However, if Rush goes off the air, this could end.  Without a force to organise them
 (and with Doc Meng losing ratings and sponsors every day, she might be off the air
 before too long) the ditto-monkeys won't control the GOP and vaguely electable
 candidates might emerge, who won't be as tainted by hatred and ignorance
 without Rush as the public face of the GOP.

 So, we need to keep Rush on the air to keep Democrats in the White House.

 (Of course, there is the possibility that after this year the GOP will descend
  into a pit of internal warfare as everyone tries to blame everyone else for why
 Dubya lost, then it doesn't really matter if Rush is on air or not)

   Nick Barlow - Writer of The Trash Dart at www.pigpog.com
     ICQ#: 21678168 - It's just a ride...


 Don't tell them.
 They don't have a clue why they're losing every election.

 ha ha

 Pigboy is secretly working for Clinton.

 Today in History
 By The Associated Press

 Entertainment highlights during the week of Sept. 10-16:

- 30 years ago: More than 18,000 attended a Woody Guthrie memorial
  concert at the Hollywood Bowl. Joan Baez and Bob Dylan were among
  the performers; A poll in Britain's Melody Maker magazine found that
  Led Zeppelin was the most popular band. It was the first time in
  eight years that the Beatles had not topped the list.

 Jake Tapper has what our Navy pilots call a "shit-hot" story.

 This is big news!
 Stop what you're doing, and take this link to to salon.com

 If this story gets any hotter, it might assume room temperature!

 September 12, 2000  Part I

 There's a New dance All the Kids are Doin'

 It's Called the Pennsylvania Panic

 Click  Here

 ha ha

 Make me stop!

 The Rule of Law...

...in the grate state of  Tejas.

 From: CBollerud@aol.com

 Basic Instinct--voting with one's guts

     My 15 year-old daughter, Niaz is having a mock presidential election at
 her school. She came to me for advice about her choices. I told her she
 shouldn't base her vote on the issues.  Believe it or not looks and feelings
 have guided me when voting all these years and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

     It all started in 1972 when Miss Podgorskie's 4th grade class was voting
 on Nixon or McGovern . As the question was posed who would vote for President
 Nixon so many hands shot up, it looked like a Pentecostal revival. And for
 McGovern: one bony hairy little arm went up. Who was the die hard Democrat
 with spider monkey appendages? It was me. But I was beyond party
 affiliations, I went with what really counted--looks and feelings.

     Let my sheep-like classmates follow the whims of their parents over the
 cliff of mass opinion, I was voting with my heart and deep down I didn't like
 the way Nixon looked. Smiling, he looked like Howdy Dowdy with dark hair.
 When he was serious, he looked like a really mean principal. I always
 expected to see a paddle when his hands were behind his back.

     McGovern, on the other hand gave me a warm grandpa-like feeling. He had
 a nice voice, the kind you wouldn't mind hearing read "Peter Pan" or something.
 And if you did something wrong he'd give you a good talk about why it was wrong
 and not to ever do it again--then he'd take you out for ice cream to make you feel better.
 In 1972, I believed the country needed a lot of ice cream.
    In 1976, I was 14, and like the rest of the country I was sick of politics after having
 so many of my favorite TV shows preempted by Watergate.  I remember thinking,
 "Why didn't they just let the water out of the gate and get it over with?"
 I liked Jimmy Carter's smile but kinda felt sorry for Ford.
 I am a underdog supporter at heart.

     My first real election in 1980 I voted for the underdog again. Carter
 looked so sad and tired it was a mercy vote but later I felt vindicated by
 Irangate and the fact Walter Cronkite said he was the best president.
     1984 wasn't that Mondale and Ferraro? I was pregnant at the time and all
 my radical feminist hormones were suspended so I really didn't care--had Ms.
 Vice Pres Candidate advocated a national chocolate and potato chip holiday or
 maybe gave out free Taco Bell coupons,  I would have backed her all the way.
 The fact was I didn't vote that year--I think I was in the bathroom.
     Believe it or not, I was with child again in 1988. My son Danny was 5
 months old but I was still with him--24 hours a day. ELECTIONS? I DIDN'T HAVE
 TIME FOR ANY STINKING ELECTIONS! It was wash this, powder that, feed, burp,
 and please oh please go to sleep so mommy can take a nap...If there had been
 a candidate who would look for Danny's pacifier , answer  Niaz's questions
 and maybe vacuum the carpet, I would have voted for him, her, or it--(future
 presidential candidates take note: this is the key to the Mommy Vote and
 believe you me there are a lot more of us out there than feminists) .

  In 1988, even though I liked the sound of Dukaksis' voice, he didn't seem to be
 presidential to me. I saw him being an M.C. at a resort talent show in the Catskills.
 The Bushes were ok--I liked the fact that they weren't totally white bread having a
 Hispanic in their family and all. I also loved Barbara's  take-me-as-I-am attitude.
 Having a gut like a deflated balloon and stretch marks down to my knees, I really
 resented Nancy's size 4 dresses--that year I voted for Barbara.
    By 1992 I had returned from Mommyland and was in school so I was in a
 better position to make fairer judgments about who should run the country. I
 had just learned that it really doesn't matter who the peons vote for because
 of the its only the Electoral College votes that count.  (I'm sure I learned
 this in high school but I was sick that day) . If that wasn't depressing
 enough, then I learned that is really it's the special interests and the
 Military Industrial Complex that control the country when election time
 came--I again voted my heart.

   Bush: After 12 years in positions of power--more if your count his CIA
 stint, I was looking for a fresh young face. Dan Quayle was cute for about a
 minute but he couldn't handle the media so he got handled. I guess my flaming
 feminism was dying out because I admired a man who could hold his own.
 Clinton didn't impress me at first but then a news crew caught him griping
 out a secret service guy-I thought he had moxy. Okay to be honest, that year
 I voted for Clinton because I didn't have health insurance. It was that
 simple---Okay, and because I had a crush on Al Gore. when it came to it. I
 mean, by then my marriage was on the skids and Gore looked pretty good to me.
     My husband voted for Ross Perot  because he had interesting things to
 say but to me  his voice was too similar to my three year old son Danny's--
 high pitched enough to make dogs cry.

     In 1996, I voted for Clinton vindictively. If my future ex said, it was
 black then I said it was white whether I was right or not. Not the wisest
 course of action but it sure felt good. Actually I liked Clinton by then. I
 liked that he spent so much time focusing on language. Being a writer that
 impressed me. Little did I know he would take language to his defense with
 the Monica thing-what does humiliation really mean?
     This year I am a C-span watcher and if you think Bush and Gore are
 saying anything new, take a look at the old presidential debates they show
 nightly. If you do you might be inclined to write in a candidate of your own.

        If you're a republican type person write in a cat for president. A
 little tuna and milk and the country's all yours because pres. kitty just
 wants to be left alone. Watch out though with such a furry lazy bones as head
 of the military we may be rid of dogs but we also may end up a part of the
 United States of Mexico.
     If you have a co-dependent liberal leanings, a dog for president may
 just be what you're looking for. A dog wants to have his paw in every pie and
 his nose in everybody's business. If you can't stand fat cats, he'll go to
 congress and chase them under their desks. He'll route out injustice and
 protect you from the invaders. You'll  have to share what's on our plates but
 if he gets out of hand a swift beating by an old newspaper like The
 Washington Post, or The New York Times usually keeps presidents in line.

     Truth be told, I'm going to vote for Gore. Why? Because he's still cute,
 he likes trees and maybe just maybe I can catch his eye.  Hey I'm recently
 divorced --a girl can dream can't she? I mean, how long can a man be married
 to someone named Tipper anyway?  Okay, I'll probably never end up the first
 lady. But I tell you one thing,  if I ever end up being the first mistress,
 I'll make sure I at least get a Cabinet post out of the deal, that's for sure.

 **Christine Bollerud is a screenwriter in California who is shamelessly
plugging her writing posted on WriteSafe.com including her newest TV movie:
Disaster In A Small Closet, starring Ann Jillian.


 Celebrity Mail

 By the real Tamara Baker

 Subject: RE: Diana and Teresa

 Dear Bartcop:

 Reading your link to that September 1997 BC issue reminded me of the big
 ironies of the hullaballoo surrounding Diana's death.

 The persons who were using Mother Teresa (who died a little over a week later,
 if I remember rightly) as a club with which to posthumously beat Diana never,
 ever mention that the two ladies knew and liked each other. Mother Teresa
 sympathized with the hell Diana had gone through, to the point where she said
 that (and remember, this is coming from a strict Catholic!) Diana should not
 be condemned for her divorce because she deserved better.

 I always felt sorry for Diana. She was a 18-year-old who honestly thought she
 was entering into a love relationship, not becoming a high-class brood mare.
 And I feel sorry for Charles, because if he'd been allowed to marry Camilla
 Parker-Bowles back in the early 1970's like he'd wanted, none of this would
 have ever happened. Granted, the British Royal Family would be even uglier,
 but then Diana wouldn't be dead because she was riding with a bunch of rich
 drunks trying to avoid the press.

 Looks like you enjoyed your trip. It was awfully sneaky of Smirk to wait
 until you were away from a modem before he self-destructed. :-)

 ha ha

 Yes, I remember that issue, too.
 Y'know, to a degree, I can understand the unfair attacks on Clinton/Gore.
 I've done my best to attack the braindead murdering idiot from Tejas,
 but for the life of me, I can't figure out why it was so goddamn important
 for all the conservatives to trash the recently-killed princess.

 Did she kick their ass in two elections?

 Did she humiliate them and their failed policies?

 Did she reverse the damage done by their leader, Ronaldus Magpie?

 They KNEW it would make them look bad viciously attacking a dead princess but,
 just like with impeachment, they went ahead with it like they couldn't control themselves.

 Sometimes I think it's hard to outwit an enemy who is so hell-bent on self-destruction
 because we have no way to anticipate their next moves. They don't know what
 they're doing, and they can't stop themselves when they finally find out.

 Thanks for the note, and CC me the next time you write something.

 Three Hours of Sleep

 Yep, I was up late last night, finishing Part II of the Trip Report.
 One of the last things I wrote was that Jimmy Page stuff.

 Of course, I was kidding about having done LSD back in college - you know,
 dramatic license and all that stuff. But it had a weird side-effect on me.
 I had to be up again at 6, so in those 3 hours I semi-slept while I tossed and
 turned and had the strangest dream.

 I dreamed I was at a party at Jimmy Page's house.
 Isn't it strange when you dream things that make no sense?
 There I was, in his home, probably in America, (he has several) and there were
 lots of Englishmen hanging around, mostly musicians. I don't remember seeing
 any real big stars besides Page, but they were all in "the business" and were
 very ho-hum about being in the presence of The Lord.

 I remember some old Faces there, Beck and Stewart, but they're not stars.

 Funny, we were drinking whiskey, not fine tequila, altho I know Page is a tequila
 drinker from waaaaay back. matter of fact, there are eyewitness reports that he
 was, at least in February of 1995, a member of the uneducated ignoratti when it
 comes to fine tequila. There's a story there.

 In early 1995, he and Robert started a tour of America in Pensacola.
 I was a big dog at the time over on alt.music.led-zeppelin or whatever it was
 and we had a whole network of tapers set up to get each show.

 There first three stops were Pensacola, Jacksonville and Miami, I think, and with
 the Internet, it was no trouble to co-ordinate DAT tapers to record each show and
 distribute copies, which were magnificent. OKC was the tenth show of the tour and
 by the time we saw them, we'd had copies of the first three shows for two weeks.
 (I hope my good friend Fizz Two, the record exec doesn't read this. ha ha)

 We also knew their schedule, so the gang staked out their hotel in Pensacola.
 For many of them, it was the opportunity of a lifetime - after 28 years of enjoying
 their great music, they finally had a chance to meet them - and meet them they did.

 I have the official stories somewhere, like everything.

 They took pictures with the band and they all were drinking in the hotel bar.
 Jimmy had his bodyguards with him, of course. He entered the hotel bar and
 got a bottle of tequila, a couple of glasses and a beer pitcher of limes.

 (Since they didn't specify tequila, I fear it was Cuervo. But in Page's defense,
   I'm not sure great tequilas were everywhere five years ago. Koresh, there's
   plenty of bars that don't have fine tequila today - even after all my best efforts.)

 So, the gang took pictures and talked to Jimmy and the drummer and others.
 Robert wasn't there, holed up (pun intended) with some babe, no doubt.
 After a while, Jimmy hinted it was time for the circus to end, so the gang
 politely moved on with their pictures and their memories to cherish.

 Rumor has it - no, it was confirmed, the next morning, Page was seen escorting
 twin redheads to the car of a waiting forty-ish woman who they thought might
 have been their mother. I'm not sure what mother would allow her nubile, twin,
 red-headed daughters to spend the night with a protege of Alister Crowley,
 so I assume the girls were pros (twin red-headed hookers?) and the older woman
 was the madam, not their mother.

 You young kids out there reading this.
 Sex outside of marriage is WRONG!

 ha ha

 Sorry, this all started with the goofy dream and the reason I'm so damn tired.
 I've met Robert Plant several times, (did I write about that?) and some of those
 times were more successful than others. The last time we met, he screamed!
 That's right - the sight of me made him go "Ahhhhhhhhhh!!" and he wasn't kidding.
 Swear to Koresh.

 But I've yet to meet Jimmy.
 If I had a magic wand, and could only meet someone for a few seconds,
 I'd go with Clinton because someday, I'm going to shake his hand and look him
 in the eye and say, "You son-of-a-bitch, you beat them all!"

 ha ha

 Trust me, he'll get a kick out of it.
 That's going to happen, too.
 Just like meeting Susan McDougal, I'm going to make that happen.
 Maybe after Gore's been in office a few years and Bill's not so busy.


 If I had to share a plane ride or an evening with somebody - it would be Page.
 I'm sure you're tired of hearing this, but having listened to so many of their
 live shows for 25 years, I have a couple of dozen shows memorized.
 I can tell you how he started Communication Breakdown on 9/4/70.
 I can tell you about "The Children of the Sun" from 9/14/71.
 I can hum the Stairway guitar solos from 6/21/77 and 6/23/77.
 Those were classic Page nights - two of the best of the best.
 If I could play guitar, I could play those from memory.

 When the dentist is tearing me a new one when the novacain isn't working,
 (I have a high tolerance for drugs - ha ha) I play the theramin solo in my head
 from the New York 73 shows, because it sounds like a dentist's drill.
 I can tell you about the mother-effing Nutcracker they did in Cleveland
 on April 28, 1977, a totally magic night, which is kinda crazy because
 they sucked bad the night before.

 Zeppelin was a lot like Mark McGwire.

 Sometimes they struck out, sure.
 But sometimes they hit three home runs in a single game.
 Sometimes they rushed for over 600 yards in one night!
 And if you collect enough shows, you can possess the 50 or so magic nights
 when the best band in the world couldn't be touched by anybody, anytime, anywhere.

 That's one reason, I think, for their greatness.
 It was always a high-wire act with them.
 They refused to play the same way each night, so it was a gamble.
 Instead of playing some over-rehearsed versions of their songs, they'd
 call audibles like a quarterback and change the song, often with, shall we say,
 imperfect results, but that's the only way I'd like to hear real music - live music.

 How completely different than the shit that passes for music today.
 Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, N-Stink and that stuff isn't music.
 It's souless, corporate whore bullshit passing as real music.

 Whoops, I'm wandering again, I'd better get back on track.

 If my magic wand had hours of juice in it, I'd like to get into deeeeep conversation
 with Page and ask questions such as, "When did you practice the Nutcracker, if at all?"
 and "Why do you use a cheap-ass $90 guitar to play the best song in your catalog?"
 or maybe even, "Is it true about the Mudshark Incident in Seattle?" which is probably
 the most famous groupie encounter in the history of rock. I get the feeling Mr. Page
 wouldn't mind an adoring fan peppering him with questions for hours.


 ...I'm at this party at Jimmy's house, and his English friends don't care that
 they're in His Presence (great album, by the way) but the real kicker was,
 the English dudes were big fans of BartCop!

 ha ha

 I'm trying to have a serious conversation with Jimmy Page, and his friends
 keep interupting, asking question about that fat bastard, lying Nazi whore that they
 enjoy reading about so much on  bartcop.com.

 It was a funny dream

 From: quasit@anonymous.to

 Subject: Why Must They Hurt Him?

 Poor George W. Bush.
 Why is everyone so cruel to him?

 He was just trying to be nice, and now everybody is being mean!
 Is everyone else blind?

 Am I the only one who can put two news stories together?
 We know that GW personally micromanages almost everything in his campaign.
 And everyone is making a fuss about the word "RATS" appearing subliminally
 in his latest ad about Al Gore.
 But why didn't everyone figure it out?

 Didn't anybody else see the story?
 George W. is dyslexic!
 He has trouble reading!
 He spells words backwords!

 He didn't MEAN to call Al Gore "RATS" --
 He MEANT to call him a "STAR"!

 W. is trying to tell Al Gore that he likes him!
 But he's too shy to just come out and say it.
 It's so adorable.

 And now everyone is being mean to poor W.
 Stop it, stop, I beg of you!


 ha ha

 Whoever you are, you should write more!

 ha ha

 Laura, the LA She-Thing had a really bad day

 Full  Story


 From:  christian06@earthlink.net

 Subject: Dyslexic shmyslexic!

 The media cracks me up. There they go again, trying to make excuses for Dubya
 by attributing his feeble thinking and communication skills to a learning disability.

 Calling Dubya dyslexic is an insult to dyslexics everywhere.

 My best friend is severely dyslexic, but this just means he has trouble with
 inverting written words. He has an IQ of 155 and he NEVER says things like
 "Is our children learning?" He can complete a fucking sentence just fine.

 Now granted, I have only anecdotal evidence to go on, but so far as I know,
 dyslexia DOES NOT cause you to commit malapropisms, or use bad grammar, or,
 say, call somebody a "major-league asshole."

 Sorry, whores of the press.
 Nice try, but your boy's not dyslexic...

 He's just stupid.

 Film Director

 I think you're right about poor Smirk.
 He was going downhill fast BEFORE he got caught lying,
 and before his RATS patrol got caught being assholes.

 He's having a worse September than those brave firefighters.

 From:  kalexa2@yahoo.com

 Subject: Rats! Who is this "asshole?"

 Bush said on several occasions he wants to change the tone in
 Washington to one of "civility and respect."

 So let's assume we can learn about the Guvnah from his campaign.
 How good is that civility or respect he champions?

 - "Asshole!" He said the word, "asshole?" what's civil or  respectful about that?

 - I don't hold it against people that use this language. I hold it
   against people that use this language and act like they don't.

 He isn't in a leadership position in his campaign:

 - The push-polling in the Repub Primaries against McCain (in South Carolina)
   where his campaign would call up voters and accuse McCain of being a "liar."
   Bush said it was a rogue supporter in his campaign.

 - This subliminal message commercial which he claims not to have known about.

  So there are people that want to put this guy in charge of the world's mightiest military
  and he can't get a few campaign workers in line?



 Clinton-hating former-liberal Michael Kinsley (D-Stabber) is making
 noise like he wants to come back into the fold. Should we let him?

 The GOP - The Great Pretenders

 Click Here

 I just saw Smirk interviewed by that whore, Diane Sawyer.
 She was fawning over how great Smirk is, and asked him about dyslexia.

 Smirk seemed to get a little hot about the subject and snapped at her and said,
 "I don't have that - that disease. Swear to Dog I don't."

 He's such a poor liar.

 Today's Page Two Girl is Roberta Chirko

 Click  Here

 From: (withheld)

 Subject: Texas on the radar today

 Hey Bartcop --

 First time email for you from me, but have been reading you about
 daily for a few months now. Can only say, please keep up the good work.
 Thought for sure you'd about implode not being able to post
 on the wealth of material provided by the Smirk, et.al. camp last week.

 But, doesn't really look like they're gonna slow up much, so...

 What's that ...?

 ha ha

 Just in case you missed out, thought you'd want to see where Texas
 shows up on the radar today :

 Houston outpaces Los Angeles to retake 'smoggiest city' title


 Where else is Texas competing for the Number 1 slot ?
 We're poisoning our kids, toxins report says


 Oh, and might want to especially read the executive summary (at least) at the source :

 Polluting Our Future:
 Chemical Pollution in the U.S. that Affects Child Development and Learning


 PB, thanks for the note.
 You've raised a question Smirk himself often asks:
 "Is our children learning?"

 Someone asked for the attribution on that Love Story column.
 It was by Eric Zorn of the Chicago Tribune.


 From: Hades976@aol.com

 Subject: Smirk on Good Morning America

 Smirk is on GMA as i type this and he is yammering on about hollywood
 and the charge that was made yesterday about movies and whatnot.
 Bush said he DIDNT support censorship.

 Isnt this the same smirking jackass that tried to shut down gwbush.com
 and bought up domains like bushblows.com etc?

 You are correct, Sir!
 I'm pretty sure the exact quote was, "There should be limits to freedom."
 Of course, we can't expect some newswhore on ABC to ask him about that.
 The press has always wanted to make this sure-Gore victory a closer race,
 so they'll keep Smirk floating until he drops like a safe full of water.

 Read  Previous Issue

 Go to  bartcop.com


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