Volume 267 - Selma 2000

 September 15, 2000

 Will the Olympics-on-tape be any good?

 (See below for update)

 You can watch the tape of the Opening Ceremony tonight.

 (tick tock)

 Almost two hours into the Olympics.
 I enjoyed much of what I've seen so far - until Bob Costas started yapping.
 Who told Bob, "More is better?"

 For some reason, Katy Couric isn't grating on me, but then they go to Jim Grey,
 the guy who screwed up the World Series for NBC with his smart-ass reporting.
 Maybe Katy sounds better because she's not Costas or Grey.

 How 'bout that little Nicky girl screaming around in the sky?
 She said her parents didn't know she'd be doing those stunts until they saw it live, tonight.
 I mean live yesterday, which we...    fuck it.

 Now they're doing the walk ins, which takes longer than the Litany of Saints during Lent.

 Coming up, the United States.
 The guy carrying our flag has a killer story - have you heard?

 Back with more...

 Final Friday Update

 BartCop Impressed
  (Homage to Mel Brooks)

 OK, by now you know the America flag-bearer has been dead twice,
 and doctors almost amputated his legs, but now he's Kayak Boy!

 Then the walk in parade.

 KOREA, coming in as one nation.
 Who else, but Bill Clinton the Miracle Worker, could've pulled that off?

 You think Clinton deserves no credit?


 When he made his deal with North Korea to help them build reactors if they'd
 dismantle their nuclear arms program, it sent a signal to them that it was time.
 Clinton took a lot of shit for that, too.
 The republicans called him a deal-making, sell-out, compromising sissy for
 making that peace overature, and look at the dividends we're reaping from it.

 Just like Russia, North Korea was crumbling, but instead of spending TRILLIONS
 to fuel an arms race to make them crumble 10 % faster, Clinton threw them an energy
 olive branch and now the KOREAS are walking in the Olympics as one nation.

 Bill, this shot of Chinaco is for you.



 Remember Lennon's song, "Woman is the Nigger of the World?"
 I thought about John when motormouth Costas said only women would
 be running the torch once it got inside the massive 120,000 seat stadium.


 Can we let the women have one small moment just this goddamn once?
 Men have ruled everything since the Big fucking Bang and, for once,
 men stood back and watched the women have their own moment,
 and you know that'll piss off the vulgar Pigboy Monday because white, rich,
 powerful men are soooooooo threatened by poor, black women with kids.


 One for the women!
 I can't tell you how often I've gotten laid with rhetoric like that.
 That's the trick. Say and do the right thing and tell the truth
 and you get laid like Bon Jovi in his prime.

 What do I know about Australia?
 Less than you, I can tell you that.

 Let's see,  ...we have Olivia Newton John, who I major chrushed on in 1978.
 She was Madonna, but better looking.
 She was Britney Spears, but with talent,
  (We won't do the Jon Benet riff tonight)

 She ruled the pop charts with nasty songs, songs like, "Physical" and "Make a Move on Me."
 Lordy, Lordy!

 You younger kids won't remember, but Olivia was singing lyrics like,
 "Won't you spare me all your charms  and take me in your arms,
   I can't wait! I can't wait!"

 Teenage boys will kill for a good looking girl who'd say that.
 I'm telling you, Olivia was hot.

 And then there was,

 "I'm trying to keep my hands on the table." (as opposed to...?)
 and "Let's get into animal," from her monster hit, "Physical."

 Good God, Lord!

 "Let's get into ...animal?"

 that's pretty disgusting, if you think about it.
 I mean, there's no way in Hell I'd ever...  ever...


 I take it all back.

 Arf!  Arf!

 ha ha


 I heard the Sydney cops arrested you twice for public decency.

 "Let's get into animal?"

 Why, I imagine lyrics like that could drive a young man crazy.
 Olivia, you're the best.

 Back on Track

 I'm going to try an experiment.

 I'm going to show you some pictures of what happened tonight.

 Regulars know one of the best moments in sports ever was the night
 Cal Ripkin broke Lou Gehrig's record, and when it happened, Chris Berman
 had the brains and the courage to shut up and let the moment speak for itself,
 so I'm going to try to be like Chris and do this without words.

 Get a drink, use the restroom, whatever, this'll be good.




 (Aren't you proud of me for keeping quiet?)

 I don't know if you've ever seen Pink Floyd play "Comfortably Numb,"
 but I'm pretty sure the Olympic planners in Australia have.
 That was something.

 If that sequence had just had some great guitar in it, it would've ruled.

 But, ...but, ...but, ..you might be asking.

 Who was the girl who had the honor of commanding the biggest public moment
 Australia has had in their (they claim) 65,000 years of existence?

 Her name is Cathy Freeman.
 They say she's going to win the gold in something, I forget.
 But Cathy is an aborigine.
 That makes her <less than> the white people in Australia.

 We're back to John Lennon, again.
 The aborigine is the nigger of Australia.

 Why do powerful white men always need a nigger?
 The powerful white men can't make it on their own?

 Oh, whitey's gonna have his nigger, all right.

 His nigger might be a woman.
 His nigger might be a black man.
 His nigger might be an aborigine,
 but whitey's gonna have his nigger.
 Whitey will always have his nigger.

 It's human nature to want to subjugate others.
 It's the beast the liberals recognize and keep in the cage.

 But always, always remember what Joe Strummer said:

"You must not act the way you were brought up."

 Pillar Number One of BartCopism is Racial and Gender Equality.
  - no exceptions
 Pillar Number Two of BartCopism is Freedom of Religion.
  - no execptions
 Pillar Number Three is Laziness.
  - lots of exceptions

 Why climb a tree and cause a fight with a stranger when you could stay on the
 ground and sip on a shot of fine luxury tequila like Chinaco Anejo, instead?

 Seems like the religio-wacko GOP is always wanting to mobilize the troops to
 march against the gays or some minority because they want to live like you and me
 and we can't have that so we're all meeting at the square at seven - or seven thirty,
 to confront them on the street about their certain eternity in a fiery Hell of flames..


 we could pour a couple of shots and enjoy life.

 ...ain't nothin' to it, folks.

 ha ha

 In closing...

 I'd like to offer a toast to the people of Australia,
 and specifically the Olympic Organising Committee for offering
 the symbolism of fairness to women and the aborigines.

 At first glance, it seems Australia must be run by liberals.
 Or at least educated people, which is liberalist-leaning.

 Tonight I became a fan of Australia and Olympics 2000.
 Maybe the GOP will get the hint and flame-off the Nazi hate.

 You think?

 Smirk the Hitcher Throws a Hissy
  An article you're sure to enjoy


 From: (withheld)

 Gore doesn't NEED to cheat to whip Smirk in a debate.  And there was
 never any security breach at Smirk's HQ.  Smirk values loyalty above all
 else in his staff.  These debate materials were a deliberate plant by
 Smirk, intended either to mislead or embarrass Gore, and in the process
 give Smirk an excuse for his forthcoming debate disaster.

 By turning down this Trojan Horse of a gift, Gore makes Smirk look even
 more like the amateurish schemer he is.  Gore should bring Howard Stern's gag
 to the debates, and dangle a bottle of Jack Daniels from a fishing pole
 in front of  Smirk when the questions get tough.

 ha ha

 Christian-Hate Group to Fund Hillary Attacks

 Full  Ugly Story

 The Christian Action Network, a Religious Right group based in Forest, Va., today
 announced plans to place ads in the New York media suggesting that First Lady
 and New York Senate candidate Hillary Clinton is a lesbian.

 Americans United for Separation of Church and State today said the action is a
 typically sleazy move by the group and its president, Martin Mawyer, a former
 employee of the Rev. Jerry Falwell's now-defunct Moral Majority.

 "With this un-Christian and frankly sleazy stunt, Mawyer has managed to match
  his old boss Jerry Falwell," said AU's Lynn. "That's no easy accomplishment."

 Tiger Woo

 I see where Mr. Perfect is ready to sign a deal with Nike and their
 Malaysian child workforce to give him another $100,00,000.

 Nike fails to understand there may not be a game of golf in 3 years.
 Who wants to spend an afternoon watching a foregone conclusion?
 Can Nike afford to absorb a $100,000,000 loss?

 Of course, if their labor force only makes 26 cents a day, and material for
 each pair of shoes is about three dollars, and they sell those shoes for $160
 I guess they can afford to pay Mr. Perfect $100,000,000.


 Clinton/Lick Debate Follow-Up
   A Must-See letter from AMPOL

 Click  Here to see the superior, original AMPOL Version

 Click  Here to see the forever version

 Smirk's Debate Prep Found

 Click  Here

 From: Mshotz@aol.com

 On your little blurb about the break-in at the DNC in NYC.
 I hope that Drudge and Limbaugh are into it up to their necks!

 I can just see those two in prison! Rush would make a great Prison Bitch!
 Drudge will probably be a stool pigeon and end up with his throat slashed!


 ha ha

 There's a new movie starting today, Almost Famous.

 It's about the luckiest kid in the world, who, at the tender age of 15,
 went on tour with Led Zeppelin in 1973 and lived to tell the tale.

 What would it be like to witness unlimited money?
 What would it be like to witness unlimited sex with dozens of pretty,
   and more importantly, different young girls in each city?
 What would it be like to witness unlimited liquor and drugs?
 What would it be like to witness unlimited worldwide fame?
 What would it be like to watch the hottest band in the world
   night after night and try to stay sane at the age of 15?

 We'll see it this weekend.
 Report Monday

  Smirk the Hitcher Strikes Again

 Great, Great Pigboy Quotes

"You can call my show today, but I must remind you,
  this is NOT the Suicide Hotline, so don't call here with
  stories of doom & gloom about how badly we're going to lose."

 ha ha

 Things are so bad for His Pigness, he has to tell the suicidal folks
 not to mess up his fake message of "We still might win."

 ha ha

 That makes my whole weekend.

 From: Chad77@aol.com

 Hey, BartCop,

 I like your humour page, but enough about Jimmy Page ok?

 He's not as great as you think he is.
 He can't even compare to the greats such as Ted Nugent.
 At least Ted Nu

 Goodbye, Chad.
 I don't mind diverse opinions, but let's all get real.

 Cheney a Tad Off on Details in Ohio
   A Weak Dick is Never Good News

 MARIETTA, Ohio (AP) - The gym was stuffy, the day long and the GOP VP
 candidate prone to a few mistakes.

 When Dick Cheney spoke at Marietta high school Thursday, he pitched ``Reagan''
 proposals at one point when he meant those of Smirk. He also stumbled over the
 election date, asking for votes on Dec. 7, a day that will live in infamy.

"I'm going home to Wyoming Saturday to rest,'' Cheney, 59, told reporters later.
"But, no, I'm not especially tired,'' said Cheney, as he held onto the bulkhead and
 wheezed with a red face while trying to steady himself.

 He noted he's been campaigning nearly every day since July.

 After taking off his jacket and repeatedly wiping sweat from his brow, Cheney noted
 the gym was hot. Several audience members apologized to him for the heat, and when
 he joked he'd get them air conditioning if elected, the crowd cheered.

Subject: Supporters staying at the White House?

From: LordStarFyre@aol.com
To: drudge@drudgereport.com

Excuse me Mr. Drudge;

But you have made an incredible deal over the idea that Clinton Supporters
have been allowed to spend the night at the White House.

Are you trying to claim that it is illegal for the Clintons to invite ANYONE
they choose to stay the night at the White House? Or are you just upset that
Supporters of the Clintons have stayed the night?

Maybe you would be so kind as to explain why it's different for the Clintons
than it was for the Bushs' who had Limbaugh stay the night?

I mean in an egg-shell Mr. Drudge, your ranting and raving over guests in the
White House seems to be missing the the real yoke of the story, which is the
F A C T that it isn't Illegal for the President to invite Anyone he chooses
to stay the night, regardless of whether they are on the RNC/Drudge/Melon
Scaife/Klayman approved list of Guests, or Not...

With Much Love...

Lord StarFyre

 From:  astod@frontiernet.net

 Subject: Stolen Debate Tapes

 Dear Bartcop,

 I have a theory on those tapes that "mysterously" showed up at Al Gore's
 campaign office. I think Bush's people sent them so that when Gore
 trounces Bush during the first debate, Bush's people will say it was
 because those stolen tapes were watched by Gore's people after all.

 Bush is covering his ass either way, just in case.

 Ann Stoddard

 I think it's more than that.
 They could've been watching from accross the street.
 When the Gore people accepted the package, had they held onto it,
 Smirk's people could've tipped the FBI that there was "stolen material"
 in the Gore camp and try to have them arrested.

 BTW, remember, (maybe you're too young) in 1980, Ronald McDonald
 received Jimmy Carter's stolen debate prep from George Will, (R-Bastard)

 George Will should've gone to prison for that, but there was no crime because
 it didn't involve Clinton's cock.

 From:  clarks10@email.msn.com

 Subject: Just a matter of speaking

 Has anyone ever told you that gross language comes from an attempt of a feeble mind
 trying to express itself?  Credible, intelligent people don't need to wallow in the gutter
 to get their point across to other credible, intelligent people.

 Rarely does Rush use profanity and in the main he makes a lot of common
 sense which is very uncommon these days.(Don't delete me now, read on.)

 You also make him out to be a man whose sympathies do not lie with the
 poor, the needy, the homeless, the activist groups such as the lesbians,
 homosexuals and others who are demanding that their needs be met.
 Personally, I have no sympathy for them in that way either, not because I
 wouldn't want to do something for them, but bacause my choice is taken away.
 Now I have to instead of I want to.

 Please note the profound message in this song written anonymously ca. 1805.

  <yak, yak, yak>

 You feel sorry for these people who have these problems, who find themselves
 in these circumstances.
 Well, read the following verse.

 <yak, yak, yak>

 Think about this.
 He's given us an example of how to treat others, but still it is not our
 right to force the human mind. We are free to think, act and do what we want
 to do, but the consequences will be the determining factor of whether we
 will be really happy or not .

  <yak, yak, yak>

 Rush is right on when he speaks of freedom and I think his reasoning on
 many controversial issues stem from the fact that he knows and you know and
 I know that men, women and children are born into this world to act for
 themselves and not to be acted upon.

 A wise man once said,

 <yak, yak, yak>

 Today I have mentioned some very profound principles that I have learned
 and am still striving to apply from day-to-day. I trust you believe in the some of
 those same principles since you mentioned the great freedom of speech.

 With this in mind,
 may you have a great day and may we both govern ourselves  more wisely.

 Dianne Clark

 11:10 CDT, Laura the Martyr is going on and on about how ugly
 Hollywood is for creating trash that harms the children of America.

 "If you're concerned about saving our bunchkins, you'll help me take action,"
 the selectively-outraged lying slut just told her gullible, spoon-fed sheep.

 Will she condemn Smirk for financing a movie like The Hitcher?   (see below)

 No, she won't, because Smirk has an "R," after his name,
 so he can destroy as many children as he wants with his poisonous filth.

 Laura, you have the consistency of warm baby shit, and you should be
 ashamed of yourself for taking millions to point a finger at others when
 YOUR CANDIDATE is more guilty than anybody in this area.

 Jesus Christ - Gore is running with an Orthadox Jew, and Laura won't vote
 for the Jew because she loves that money flow more than her religion.

 Laura, thy name is whore.

 Some Dave & Al Stuff

 Click  Here

 Damn, I left my notes at home, so I'll wing it.

 Last night on 20/20, they did a Gore/Smirk comparison on how these two
 men were so different, despite having politics icons for fathers.

 They had dozens of pictures that were funny, maybe I can get some of those
 up tonight.  A couple of things that caught my eye:

 They said after serving his country with dignity and honor in Vietnam, Algore
 was deeply concerned about philosophy and the meaning of life and his place
 in it, so he enrolled in some religious courses at vanderbilt to help sort it out.

 They showed some almost sad pictures of Gore staring off into space.
 You could tell me was thinking about something deep and introspective.

 Then they cut to pictures of Smirk, drunker n shit at some parties.
 They had several pictures of Smirky drunker than Cooter Brown.
 Yeah, you can bet your corn dog those pictures will be up tonight.

 They also showed how the two grew up in their father's shadow.
 They played some anti-Gore commercials they ran against Algore Senior in 1970.

 The GOP called Algore Senior a coward and traitor because he was one of the
 fist critics if Vietnam, and Nixon flew to tennessee to personally campaign for
 his (unnamed) opponent who was a Limba-type candidate - nothing but lies..

 They were vile and dispicable lies, but Algore Senior refused to fight back saying,
 "If the good people of Tennessee don't know me after 30 years, then maybe
  I don't deserve to win this election."     He lost.

 They say that's the reason our Algore fights like a mother grizzly.
 (Smirk - you ready for the ass-whippin' of your life?)

 There was a funny moment concerning Smirk and his Daddy in Texas.
 It was 1972 or so, and Smirk and elder Bush were in some big hotel in Houston
 at some kind of campaign event. Also at the hotel was one of the first-ever
 Star Trek conventions. So here's Bush trying to get thru the halls of the hotel
 with all these green-skinned people with pointed ears and stuff.

 Smirk daddy was complaining about "all the weirdos," but then Smirk told his
 Daddy that these Trekkies might be voters, so standing in a crowd of Trekkies,
 he says, "Hi, everybody. My name is George Herbert Walker Bush."

 It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen:

As soon as they heard his name, these Trekkies all started chanting,
 "HerbertHerbert, Herbert, Herbert, Herbert, Herbert, Herbert.
     HerbertHerbert, Herbert, Herbert, Herbert, Herbert, Herbert."

 ha ha

 Elder looks at Smirk like, "What the hell does Herbert mean to these weirdos,
 and why did I listen to you and your great idea to engage them?"

 ha ha

 Smirked looked just as clueless as he does today.
 I'll bet Algore and Tommy Lee can tell you what "Herbert" means.

 Then, then said something that got me thinkin'.
 (Hey, stop laughing. I can think...)

 They said Smirk SUDDENLY stopped drinking the night after his 40th birthday.
 They said he SUDDENLY got religion that next day.

 Isn't that interesting?

 What happened that night?
 What causes a man to SUDDENLY give up alcohol and turn his life over
 to a "huigher power" than can show him the better paths to take in life?

 Did the hooker die?

 Think about it - his 40th birthday he got drunker n shit.
 Something happens -0 we don't know what, but when he sobers up
 the next day, and finds pout what he did, he stopped drinking forever,
 (al least that's the official campaign line, so that wedding video must be a
  clever look-alike hired by the Democrats because he's dry now)
 and turned himself over to Almighty God.

 Trust me - something happened that night.

 Did some Very Bad Things happen on Smirk's 40th birthday?

 Somebody with the resources needs to look into this.
 Smirk did something, or failed to do something that night that was so horrible,
 he stopped drinking forever and asked God to turn his life around.

 We need to find out what happened that night.

 From:  theyeesterbunny@email.msn.com

 Subject: Bush's slasher-flick past

 Full, Sick Story

 September 15, 2000 | George W. Bush has portrayed himself as the candidate
 best able to take on the pop-culture bad guys, such as moviemakers who market
 violent films to children. But the Texas governor's past could put a hitch in that plan,
 according to the New York Post.

 From 1986 to 1993, Bush earned $100,000 sitting on the board of directors of the
 Silver Screen Management Co., which financed 1986 horror flick "The Hitcher."
 During Bush's tenure on the board, Silver Screen also helped bankroll kinder, gentler
 fare such as "Dead Poets Society" and "Pretty Woman." Bush communications chief
 Karen Hughes says that Bush's connection to "The Hitcher" is nothing compared
 with the close ties between Al Gore and Hollywood bigwigs.

 Are you kidding me?
 Are you kidding me?

 "The Hitcher?"

 "The Hitcher" is one of the sickest mainstream movies ever produced in Hollywood,
  and I'm not exaggerating one bit when I say that.
  I saw that movie, years & years ago and I promise I'll never see it again.

 Now, I'm doing this from memory, so if I don't have it exactly right then blow me,
 but in the movie "The Hitcher," the bad guys tie a young girl's hands to the bumper
 of one Mack truck, and they tie her feet to the bumper of another Mack truck -
  then the trucks back apart, tearing the young girl in half.

 This is Smirk's idea of
 family entertainment?

 Tearing a young girl in two is entertainment for Smirk?

 Good God, if that's what Smirk likes in entertainment,

 ...what happened on his 40th birthday to make him stop drinking?


 Smirk, Snuff Films, Big Oil and Big Tobacco.

 Does America really want to go there?

  More Dave and Al Talk

 Gore Pushes Celebrity Politicking

 NEW YORK (AP) -- Al Gore pushed celebrity politicking to dizzying heights
 Thursday as he traded laughs with TV's David Letterman over Smirk's recent goofs,
 and raised money with Bette Midler, Paul Simon and company.

 Gore, who strode onto Letterman's unpredictable soundstage to the tune of Prince's
 ''Kiss,'' booed the talk show host's suggestion that he had an anti-Clinton motive in mind
 when he laid a passionate kiss on wife Tipper at the Democratic National Convention.

 ''I'm not going to be chasing interns. That's really what it said,'' Letterman said.

 Replied the vice president: ''C'mon, c'mon. Boo. Give me a break.''

 In a video snippet and ''Top Ten'' list produced just for the occasion, Gore poked fun
 at Smirk for recently uttering a vulgarity about a reporter into a microphone that he didn't
 know was live.

 Gore offered, among his list of rejected campaign slogans, ''We know when the
 microphone is on.'' Another, referring to running mate JoeL, an Orthodox Jew, was:
 ''With Lieberman on the ticket, you get all kinds of fun new days off. Vote for us,
  we're going to work 24/6.''

 Today's Page Two Girl is Louise Nurding

 Click  Here

  No more calls, please. We have two winners.

 From: Art Richardson  dude7891@yahoo.com
 From: Kerrry Wentworth  skunkwks@mediaone.net

 Subject: Gore's Top 10 Rejected Campaign Slogans

 10. Vote for me or I'll come to your home and explain
       my 191-page economic plan to you in excruciating detail.

 9. Remember America, I gave you the Internet and I can take it away.
     Think about it.

 8. Your vote automatically enters you in a drawing for the $123 billion surplus.

 7. With Lieberman on the ticket, you get all kinds of
      fun new days off. Vote for us, we're going to work 24/6.

 6. We know when the microphone is on.

 5. Vote for me and I will take whatever steps are
      necessary to outlaw the term, "Whazzzup."

 4. Gore-Lieberman: You don't have to worry about pork-barrel politics.

 3. You'll thank us in four years when the escalator to the moon is finished.

 2. If I can handle Letterman, I can handle Saddam Hussein.

 1. I'll be twice as cool as that president guy in the "West Wing."

 White-Power Freak Caught Shoplifting
     Think I'm Making This Up?     September 14, 2000

   Five-Finger Discount?

 Shoppers at a Circuit City Express store in Virginia were stunned Saturday to see
 none other than Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott (R-White-Only) -- decked out
 in denim -- setting off alarm bells at the exit door.

 Quite a scene unfolded at the Pentagon City electronics store as Senate's top racist
 was stopped dead in his tracks by all the buzzers going off around him.

 "As the alarm went off, he had a perplexed look I haven't seen on a Republican's face
  since Smirk Daddy last caught a glimpse of a grocery scanner," said one witness.

 Then Lott, whose office didn't have any comment on the matter,
 shrugged and headed out of the store.

 Since the Majority Leader is such a tough-on-crime-Republican, we assume
 it was all just a mix-up and he wasn't fleeing the scene like it seemed.

 But Lott's office had no comment when asked by reporters why the Senator
 had recently acquired the nickname, "Swipe."

 Thanks to Tamara Baker.

 September 14, 2000

 This Just In..

 It has been recorded and confirmed here at  bartcop.com  that Dr. Laura's official,
 on-tape, on-the-record position on abortion is that abortion should be TOTALLY ILLEGAL



 ...unless the health of the mother is at risk.

 (Was she responding to a recent report in bartcop.com?)

 This presents a problem for the GOP.

 Again, we have confirmed that Laura now claims she accepts abortion
 if the health of the mother is at risk, which makes her a leftist, baby-killer
 in the eyes of "true Republicans," like Rush & Steve Largent.

 Dr. Laura - a part-time baby killer?

 That sets her apart from much of the GOP.
 I wonder why Rush doesn't call her on it?

 As always, they haven't got a clue how to defend their mockery-of-freedom position
 that the government should control individual uteruses in everyday America.

 Jesus Christ - Cuban women have more freedom.

"Al W. Gore" on Letterman

 Wow, that was scary, wasn't it?
 It was like the interview was in ten rounds.

 Gore won the first two, then faltered when Dave accused Wen Ho Lee,
 but then rounds 4,5 and 6 were good rounds for him, then another stumble
 in the eighth, but then a big comeback with his own lil' Top Ten List.

 Course, he's not as smooth as Bill.
 We can't hold that against him, because nobody is as smooth as Bill.

 ha ha

 What was the best line of the night?
 (Top Ten List forthcoming Koresh willing)

 Dave said something about JoeL being Jewish and Gore said,
 "We'll work for America 24/6."

 That's a damn good joke.
 I'll bet it's 2,000 years old, but I've never heard it.

 ha ha

 Plus, Dave went all HYPER about global warming and the oceans and stuff,
 and the two almost got teary-eyed together over the eco-breakdown we all face.
 Algore must've felt more at home than Bob Barr at a Knight's rally.


 I just remembered!

 I got a killer audio file.

 To hear Dave on Smirk  Click Here

 ...Smirk just took an uppercut that sent him further backwards,

 From: DDThinkFree@aol.com

 Subject: Page Two Girls / words for Dubya

 I was curious about a couple things:

 1. When did you come up with the recent idea of the Page Two Girls?
     (Maybe I missed the explaination a while back.)


 2. Would it be possible to have Page Four, Five, Six, and Seven Girls as well? :)

 ha ha

 Actually, I hired some media-types to round up some professional focus groups
 and every one of them came back with the same fundamental criticism.
 They all said  bartcop.com had everything it needed except sex appeal!

 They said my readership was mostly white, younger men with some money and
 above-average intelligence, and they recomended that I get a "Vanna White" to
 "turn letters," or nobody would be interested in anything I had to say.

 So they came up with this Page Two Girl, idea, which doesn't make sense.
 I mean, ...sure, ...you have to click to see them, but ...is that, "Page Two?"

 But, I must say it's paid off!
 Do you know, counting reloads, I once had over 380 hits in one day?

 ha ha

 Nothing sells like a little sex in America.
 I'm old, I should know these things.

 One thing they cautioned about, however:

 They said I should only feature sexy, fully-clothed women, because actual nudity,
 even tastefully-done, artistic nudity would backfire and cost me in readership unless
 the nude pictures were of hypocritical, scumbaggette holier-than-you harpy whores
 getting rich on a morality radio scam, in which case, ...nudity would be just fine.

 ha ha

 Thanks for asking.
 That "Page Two" business has really given the treehouse a big boost.
 I might stick with it, after all.

 Was there anything else?

 Yes. I put together some words that I think Al Gore
 should force Smirk to say during their debates:

 * Abomidable
 * Indubidably
 * Burglar
 * Ambulance
 * Recession
 * Serendipidous
 * Carburator
 * February
 * Nuclear
 * Wednesday
 * Favorable
 * Freebase
 * Connecticut
 * Stupendous

 ha ha

 My favorite was "burglar."

 ha ha

 Smirk, Smirk, Smirk...
 I'm gonna miss him.

 Thanks for the great site!!!!!!!

 Douglas Daniels

 "Vote Stern/Quivers 2000!!"

 Thanks for the great e-mail.

 It's Over

 Full Story


 Since Labor Day, the media has released 20 polls on the big race.

 Three show a dead heat, one shows Smirk by a point, the rest show Gore leading
 by one to 10 points. In the latest polls, Gore leads by an average of five points.

 It's fashionable at this stage to say "anything can happen," that Smirk is "retooling,"
 and that the numbers can turn in Bush's favor just as easily as they turned against him.

 But they can't.

 ha ha

 The numbers are moving toward Gore because fundamental dynamics
 tilt the election in his favor. The only question has been how far those
 dynamics would carry him. Now that he has passed Smirk, the race is over.

 Guest Commentary by macc@niuhep.physics.niu.edu

 It's over, and it's been over for awhile.
 Come nov. 7th the hilarity ends, and it will be merely prosperity,
 cleaner air, better environment, peace on earth,  etc., *yawn* ;-)

 gotta have fun while we still can!


 Great Democratic Quotes

 "I don't know what all this fuss is about George Bush calling
  some reporter for the New York Times an asshole.

 There's not a male reporter in Washington I haven't called an MF
  and there's not a female reporter I haven't called an FC."
    -- James Carville, to Chris the Screamer

Toon provided by Shane (aka "Skirtboy")

 Smirk Caves on Debates
 "Broke down like a shotgun," aides claim

 Gov. Bush just announced from Austin:

 "The first rebate will be in Boston on Oct. 3 of this year.
  The second rebate will be in Winston-Salem, Carolina, on Oct. 11
  and the final rebate will be held in St. Louis, who is dead, on Oct. 17.
  Each rebate would be chaired by a single modulator."

 If anybody wants to send e-mail to NBC and give their opinion about
 Tim the Whore's incredibly vulgar behavior last night at the debate,
 the e-mail address is mtp@nbc.com

 (I wonder why it's not mtw@nbc.com?)

 If you'd like to speak with Tim directly, call his office in Washington (202) 885-4548.

 Thanks to JennyQ1@aol.com

 From: jeffkoenig@yahoo.com

 Subject: Do I detect a Smirk E-Train derailment?

 BC -

 I went to Smirk's little E-Train site, and after I signed himself up to all three versions
 of his little newsletter (I hope he has lots of large graphics in his HTML version),
 I went back to have the same delivered to abuse@georgewbush.com

 His web page then took a big, Limba-sized dump.
 Instead of seeing the sign-up page, I got the following:

 Microsoft VBScript runtime error '800a01f4'

 Variable is undefined: 'EmailAdd'

 /BN.asp, line 952

 It looks like not only can he not spell or pronounce words correctly,
 but even Visual Basic seems to be a little over his head.

 Funny, I've never seen an error like this on even the most amateur of web pages...


 How guilty is Drudge?

 Click  Here

 From: Myst.Beal@PSS.Boeing.com

 Subject: Debate Update

 KIRO news just announced that viewers gave Hillary a 46% - 39% win over pimple-face.
 By the way, the new nickname for Dyslexic Dubya is "Dubyable" (for "Subliminable")

 Beal, Myst L

 From:  leocarr@mediaone.net


 My dearest BC,

 I am sure, as you have told us, are a ruthless litigator, but you obviously failed
 to learn how to fight DIRTY.
 No doubt as the result of a lily-white upbringing in the SUBURBS.

 ha ha



 Yours in Christ,


 If anyone is interested in seeing the evidence that Laura Schlessinger is
 a scumbag pornographer, you can see her vulgar pictures right here.
 They will be online as long as Marc Perkel and I are.


 From:  david4602@gateway.net

 Subject: You are the liberal Limbaugh


 I read your site everyday and, much like you, obviously listen to Rush everyday.
 I am a fiscal conservative and a social liberal.
 I have a dirty fucking mouth and I love porn and I love violent movies.

 I want to ask you why you hate George W. (smirk) so much.
 I can understand why you hate Rush, he is very extreme, but George is not.

 Let me answer this way: If Bush had been sincere about "compassionate conservativism,"
 and wanting to change the tone of politics, he could've had a chance to win.
 But he comes off as a semi-slick, mean-spirited asshole.
 If he was what he claimed, Gore would've had a tough race on his hands.

 My main point, to make this short, is that you and I disagree.  I am not going to
 come up with a name for Al Gore like you have for (Smirk), I am also not going
 to come up with a name for you like you have for (The Vulgar Pigboy).

 All I want is for you to answer a couple of questions honestly, being that neither of
 us are politicians and I respect your disagreement with far less animosity than you show.

 1)  To advance the liberal agenda that you support, what percentage of your own income
      are you willing to give to Gore to get what you want done?  Please, be honest.

      What percentage?   23.16 percent.

       That being said, you ask an odd question.
       How much am I willing to pay for electricity?
       How much am I willing to pay for a pizza?
       How much am I willing to pay for fine tequila?
       I think you had the germ of a good question there, but I'm not sure what it is.

 2)  What will it take, as far as programs go, to make you personally happy enough
       with the state of the country that you feel no need to be active in conservative
       bashing any longer?

       I am almost 100 percent defense, that's why I want Smirk to win.
       I'm tired of defense, I want to go on offense for a while.
       It's Rush who has 1,000 complaints while we're having peace and prosperity.

 That is all I want to ask you.  As a conservative I am happy to say that, although I
 disagree with you on absolutely everything, I enjoy your site and I hope you keep
 making your voice heard.  All the disagreement is good for the country.

 Although I am happy to keep this non partisan, I challenge you to have bigger balls
 than Pigboy, as you call him, and put this on your site with your response.
 Keep it up, Bartcop.


 I can't say my balls are bigger than Rush's, but I have more than he has.
 I have two.

 From:  LadyLiberal@webtv.net

 Subject: Hillary Debate

 BC, I saw it on satellite.
 All I`ll say islazio is an arrogant little twerp,
 and tim the whore is a MAJOR LEAGUE WEASEL!!!


 Welcome back.
 That was a LONG trip.
 I think your pay should be docked. LOL

 Clinton Courtier

 The Concord Disaster evidence is in...


 From:  kimblet@admin.craven.cc.nc.us

 Subject: Your new car!

 The new Bartcop ride during the boring 8 year reign of Al Gore:


 That's not funny!

 If Smirk was able to pull off an upset win, I might be able to build  bartcop.com
 into a hueueueueuege success. But with boring Al Gore driving the bus for eight years,
 I'm afraid there will be very few laughs.

 I mean, what's funny about peace and prosperity?

 Triple Shot of Cunningham




 ha ha

Cunningham Strikes again!

 From:  young@erim-int.com

 Subject: KRMG radio in K-Drag


 All this time I thought you were being a little hyperbolic with cro-mag
 radio. But they really *are* kromag. Is that how they pronounce it in
 their jingles and when they answer the 'phones?

 "You dragged you knuckles good--you on Kromag radio. Go ahead, caller."



 From:  efestag@mail.alac.org

 Subject: Rush's theme song

 Since Rush is the king of denial,
 he should change his theme song to "Walk Like an Egyptian."


 ha ha

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