Subject: your page
Your page is very funny, as a conservative I still have a sense of humor.
However I can not let " The Clinton Legacy"
blind side my dumb union working ass....
We have a problem here and a lot of my hard core union buddies over the past
15 years are finally saying " f-those idiots" and I can't agree more.
They are not who I want my kids to look up to...
If, "they" are politicians, I couldn't agree more.
Last time I was in DC was October 1998.
I had a chance to go thru the Capitol, then thought, why?
Take away the architecture, and it's just a fancy weasel hut.
In October of 1998, there wasn't one honest man in Congress.
But if "they" are Democrats, and you think Bush will turn honest
I'd suggest a psychology course, or a sociology course.
Today's Page Two Girl
Last Minute VCR Alert
Fox moved it back to 2 AM ET, 1 AM CT
Susan McDougal vs Sean Hannity on Fox
I just saw the last half!
Replay in 1:35 minutes, check TV Guide
Susan McDougal may be faster than Joe Conason.
She suffers ignorant Nazi fools less than anybody I've ever seen,
and she knows more about today's events (Ray Report) than anyone alive.
Watch this replay!
When Hannity starts making stuff up, she nails him.
Use the big hammer, Susan.
Watch this replay!
Subject: Just heard you...
Hey, I just heard you on Rush's show.
Congratulations for making an
extreme a-hole out of yourself on national radio.
Thanks, Goofy, but that wasn't me.
Besides, all the guy said was that, as a man, he found Hillary more attractive
than Lazio. You're saying that's a position only an "a-hole" would take?
Does this mean you disagree with him?
That makes you gay, so why aren't you a Democrat?
The GOP wants to put you in an oven, you know...
By the way, if Dubya can say "asshole" on TV, you're allowed to
say that word
on the Internet. I checked, you can't get arrested for saying what Smirk said.
What exactly do you stand for?
Don't you listen to Rush?
He says "my ilk" stand for nothing less than the destruction of America,
forced homosexuality for all schoolchildren at an early age, ...and,
...and ... oh, yeah, turning over our nuculer (homage to Smirk) secrets
to the Chi-Comms for a few dollars.
Rush never lies, so you know all about me.
Or you just get your jollies out of writing dirty words on the internet wall?
I admit, I enjoy the freedom to speak the language most Americans
When I was on Prodigy, if you said somebody had a "stupid" idea,
they'd kick the message for being "vulgar and confrontational."
Does that sound like freedom to you?
Your purpose, I suppose, is to defend the indefensible one, William the Impeached.
"William the Impeached?"
So, you're an Ollie North fan.
Tell me, why does Nancy Reagan call Ollie, "a liar?"
And Clinton is plenty defensible.
If you have something I can't defend, I'd like to see you try
You are, I suppose, a "anything goes as long as nobody dies" sort of kid?
You ask questions like a House manager.
Good thing we're not in front of a jury - I'd make you cry.
You are, unfortunately, probably of voting
age and likely to vote for the
guy whose logic includes cutting taxes for people who don't even pay
taxes, instead of mine (working two jobs, 60+ hours a week.)
Yep, I'm the idiot who's voting for peace and prosperity.
You're voting for the Cocaine Kid who leads the Party of Scumbags.
Hey, you want to play a game?
I'll name a Republican who was caught being a scumbag in the last 2 years
and you name a Democrat who was caught and we'll see who runs dry first.
I remember my first beer, too...
Whoever told you closing lines aren't important is wrong.
Look, from your name, you must have a sense of humor.
That, or the guy you beat up to steal "Goofy" had one.
Maybe you should re-live that first beer, relax, and enjoy life.
But thanks for having sharp ears.
Hearing from you tells me dozens of people heard about bartcop.com today
and they got it from El Pigbo's show.
Great Moments in Politics
Oprah: George, what's your favorite song of all time?
Smirk: Wake Up, Little Susie, by Buddy Holly
Oprah: Buddy Holly didn't do that
The Everly Brothers did Wake Up, Little Susie.
Smirk: Oh, that's right.
It couldn't be any funnier if Quayle was his campaign managere.
Cotton Candy doesn't know who sings his favorite song of all time?
No wonder he can't remember that Cheese Fries isn't Canada's premier.
Subject: hello i'm on AOHell
i signed up for one of them there free trials,
hoping that maybe the email
thru them might deliver the images better? you never know.
anyway, here's the one that says :INTERFERE WITH
to me, it seems like they went thru a lot
of trouble just to be 'funny' for
one frame, implying that Al should be interfered with.
Vance, I don't understand it, either.
I've gotten 8-10 versions of this, with explanations, but I just don't see the joke or the point.
Whatever it is, it must be funny as hell, but it's over my head.
Subject: I'll vouch for you!
"Swear to Koresh" I'm pretty sure the guy
said he was
from Florida, St. Pete, I think, but I didn't catch his name.
I knew Pigboy was in trouble the moment
he called off
his screeners, but the plug was the best.
I was driving at the time, and I almost
ran off the road
I was laughing so damn hard.
So far, I only heard from one other person - a Republican!
I wondered why nobody else heard it, but then I figured
there aren't a lot of Democrats who listen to the Methane Factory.
Dear News Editor,
I usually write letters to the editor, but tonight I have a news
and there's a pulitzer in it for someone who can really cover it right.
It's all about exposing government corruption and a decision pending that
threatens the Constitution. Politics, prostitutes, government corruption, it's all there!
What started out to be a false arrest to keep me from appearing
at a friend's bond
revocation hearing may now lead to the Eighth Circuit Court of Appeals overturning
the 4th Amendment to the Constitution. A federal judge ruled that if the police knock
on your door and you get up and open the door to see who it is, that you have exposed
yourself to the public and that is a public arrest, not a home arrest. If this decision is
allowed to stand it will eliminate the 4th Amendment to the Constitution which
used to bar warrantless arrests in the home.
If this decision stands then the police can come into your home
at night without a
warrant and drag you off to jail. Will the Eighth Circuit uphold the Constitution or
conceal government misconduct? This decision is pending before them now.
What makes this story so interesting is that it has everything
At the time I was arrested, I was running for the United States Congress as a
Democrat (1998 election) and the arrest report, for a charge of "trespassing"
had detailed accounts of sex with prostitutes and other deviant sexual conduct.
So, you have politics, sex, prostitutes, congressional candidates,
police corruption, government coverup, lawyers, crooked federal judges, and, as if
not to forget the main point, a threat to the constitution and the freedoms we all enjoy.
This couldn't be a hotter story and it's pending right not in
the court of appeals.
And all the details are online.
Subject: Top Political Sites
Here's a site that ranks the top political
sites based on readers votes.
Where the hell is bartcop.com on the list????!!!!!
Boy, you're getting aced out by the Dundee
and Unionist Association, for christ's sake!
This situation can't be allowed to stand.
Get your butt to
and get BartCop registered there.
Let folks know about it on your site and lets run Bartcop up the rankings!
I'm a liberal with ADD and an IQ of 64.
I'll do my best, but I could use some help.
A Letter from our friend Bojan Èahtareviæ
Sorry for not answering you for some time,
but I took a little break ( I wont call it a vacation )...
I'm glad that you (and i hope all the readers of your site ) enjoyed the little tour of my humble country.
Trust me, there's so much stuff going on here that i would need a 500 page report to come close
to telling something, its such a mess here. But nevertheless I'll let you and your readers when
something really interesting happens.
On the luxuries ( such as Chinaco
Well besides the such grave things as 40 % unemployment , a thriving black market ( if you took
a look into tax books, nobody drinks and smokes here ) and the resulting budgetary deficits
(our economy is whats coming your way if you elect Dubbaya ) that force our oil prices sky high
(oil is the one thing goverment has control of ) there is about 5% of the population that eather works
in various foreign organizations or is associtated with the local political mafia.
That 5% has 75% of the money here, plus
there is some 30 000 foreginers working for UN,
NATO, USAID, various european and arab goverments ( arabs as you know have lots of cash
to spend, unlike the westeners they really, really like to spend it, and more the better ) that earn in
average about 10000$ per month. The point I'm making is that some people here can buy luxuries
( like BMW X5 van that is about 100.000$) and where there is demand there is supply . Of course
such stuff as Chinaco Anejo is still light years from me ( you can get this stuff here but at such
astronomical prices )... But because im probably coming to NY this winter, maybe I'll get a chance to
taste it soon, i have been told its really something !
For some orientation, know that the average
local here in federation (wow, sounds like Star Trek,
only this is more like the dark-n-ugly alternate universe) makes around 220$ a month and in republika
srpska its around only 150$. Deutsche mark is the main currency here so we at least have no inflation.
There is the joke here that goes "we dont want Karl Marx, we wont Deutsche Marks"
One strange thing that I observe is that
we here follow your elections more closely than "you" guys do.
It really matters for our country who is elected in US, beacuse if Bush comes we can expect nothing
but disaster and war, I first am thinking of re-locating. Gore and Lieberman really understand whats
going on here, the overall importance and risk to europe and the world . Dubbaya and Dicky only
understand one single word in geopolitics and thats "oil", just like papa Bush and grandpa Regan !
And people here really like Clinton, hes almost a local deity
Dubbaya and Dickey have no chance to win this election.
People have seen how stupid Dubbaya is, and they don't like him.
All of the smart people in United States think Clinton is a diety,
But there are almost 50 percent stupid ditto-monkeys here, so it's a constant struggle.
Also, the people who think like Hitler have the most guns, so it's scary.
That was a good letter.
Thanks for writing and write again sometime.
My first mention on Pigboy's Show
At 2:59 (end of second hour) Pigboy was asking the burning question,
"Who's better looking - Hillary or Rick the Lick?"
Caller: "Hillary is!"
Pigboy: "How can you come to that conclusion?"
Caller: I'm a heterosexual male, so that's the only conclusion
I could come to,
and everybody should visit bartcop.com."
Swear to Koresh, folks.
My tape had just run out, so I didn;'t get it, dammit.
Butt, as regular readers know, when I Swear to Koresh, it's all true.
Pigboy said, "Eh? What was that?? I, ...I better not, I got in trouble last time."
Then he went to a commercial.
Maybe when he comes back, he'll mention it.
Whoever that was, write to me so I can thank you.
Did anyone tape today's second hour?
Bill O'Reilly made me fall out of my La-Z-Boy last night.
He was on Bill Maher's show with Howard Kurtz and others,
and the subject of the Lincoln Bedroom came up.
Maher said it was "sleazy" for Hillary to auction off nights in the Lincoln Bedroom.
(Where do people like Bill Maher get his "facts?"
How was this proven without me hearing anything about it?
On which TV channel was the incriminating video shown?
What words did Hillary use when she confessed?
Which on-line site has her signed confession uploaded?)
But then, out of the blue, Bill O'Reilly, Swear to Koresh, said
"The sleaze didn't start with Clinton. George Bush used the
the same way, why - he even had Rush Limbaugh stay over one night."
(I'll give you a moment to put a cold towel on your
get a drink of water and get your feet steady...)
Bill O'Reilly, well-known whore for Fox Whore News, said something
a Republican, thereby semi-negating the stupid, unprovable charge against Hillary.
This is not a trick.
This is not a joke.
You are not dreaming.
This didn't take place in a parallel world.
Swear to Koresh, Bill O'Reilly said something true, honest and
I hit my elbow when I fell - damn, it still hurts.
Of course, he'd never say anything true, honest or correct on
because he'd be more fired than a gun in school if he was caught being objective
on a Rupert Murdoch-owned network The only reason the lying shit fessed up
was because he knows Bill Maher is likely to interrupt him on some big-ass lie and say,
"That's a damn lie and you know it, Sir," so he wisely pre-empted Maher's
counter-attack by throwing him "off his ball" by saying something that was true,
honest and correct to give the inattentive Gomer watching at home the impression
that all the Fox lies and distortions are actually true, honest and correct.
Not too shabby for a ditto-monkey...
As the weeks go by, ABC might provide a transcript.
ABC, employer of George Will, Diane Sawyer, Judas Maximus, Sam & Cokie,
and the most responsive customer service department in the Northern Hemisphere,
might be able to use their vast resources to hire a teen to type up their transcripts
the same damn calendar year as the words were spoken
Bob Dornan's dog "Recount" was hit by a car and killed yesterday.
A 'toon for Julie Hiatt
who was recently injured in a fall at her home.
Get well soon, Julie.
We're all rootin' for you!
Great Pigboy Quotes
"I'm happy to set the pace for this election
I'm happy to guide this election campaign."
Pigboy, on behalf of Democrats and liberals everywhere, let me
your guidance in 1992 and 1996 was right on-target and invaluable.
We might've been able to do it without you, because Bill
Clinton is the
best politician/president of our lifetime or anyone's lifetime,
but with your help, Clinton was able to make it twin landslides.
Furthermore, we appreciate your continued guidance in the year
I'm sure I speak for most Americans when I say that each time you open
your big mouth and spew that Nazi hate, America gets worried and gives
the previously-discarded Democrat another look.
Those undecideds are now going for Gore 4-to-1.
Rush, you're the best weapon we have, and I mean that.
If you weren't so damn effective in the campaigns of 1992 and 1996,
I wouldn't have been able to convince the DNC to re-hire you this year.
What do you get as a present for a liberal with an IQ of 64?
Thanks to Angie at firstname.lastname@example.org
ABC Whore News Radio just reported Hardon Kenneth Starr and Rabid
convicted 14 people, "including Jim and Susan McDougal."
Ok, that's two, according to my Catholic math.
Now, add Jim Guy Tucker and Web Hubbell,
...who are the others?
Is this one of those "Clinton ordered Randy Weaver's wife killed"
Is ABC just as stupid as every other Clinton-hating critic?
Who are these convicted people?
They did NOT say "14 convictions," they said, "14 PEOPLE!"
...who are the others?
I called the K-Drag Republican headquarters, 918-627-5702, and
don't have the slightest clue, but they said they'd "check and call me back."
Yeah, like I've never been jerked off before.
So I called Sen Pissquick's office, 918-918-748-5111 and that
lady guaranteed me
there were 14 people convicted, but she couldn't think of any names,
but she did promise to "check and call me back."
So I tried Steve Largent, (R-Jesus Twin) at 918-749-0014, and
they had no clue at all.
They were more stupid than the guy who writes Mallard Fillmore.
Since I heard it on ABC Whore News, I thought I'd try the ABC-TV
affiliate here in K-Drag
at 918-445-888 and they didn't have a goddamn clue, but they suggested I try
K-Drag University ($40,000 a damn semester. Koresh, for that kind of money,
students should get an excellent education and oral sex after every exam.)
So I called the Poli-Sci Department at the Univeristy of K-Drag
They connected me to the Philosophy and Religion department, instead.
You'd think for $43,000 a semester, they'd get an operator with a brain.
I finally got the Poli-Sci folk, but, of course, only a recording.
They promised to "get right back to me."
So I tried KRMG radio, the local Nazi AM station.
They don't make any bigger morons anywhere in the world than at KRMG.
They suggested I try ABC in New York.
Fine - I'll try ABC on fucking Neptune if I can just get an answer.
Did the ABC radio affiliate have a phone number for me?
Why should I expect them to be able to reach their home office?
So I called New York 411 and asked for ABC radio.
They gave me 646-456-7777.
I dialed that, got a recording that said, "Hi, this is Eilene,
I'm in Italy for two weeks so I'll have to get back to you later."
Jesus Christ, this ALWAYS happens to me.
So I called the damn operator back and she double-checked the number
and guaranteed me that was ABC Radio's number.
So I asked for the American Broadcasting Company in New York.
The braindead slut gave me 212-929-1275.
That's ABC Carpet Cleaners of New York!
Make them stop!
Growing weary, I tried the dishonorable Sen Nichols's office
The lady there said she didn't know, and didn't know anyone who might know,
so she transfered me to Nichol's DC office. The lady there connected me to
Nichol's crack political staff. As you might've guessed, Nichols's staff didn't have a
goddamn clue, even though Nichols is willing to spread the rumor in every interview
he's given since 1993 that Hillary "is about to be indicted."
So Nichols's people suggested I try the White House at
I determined to see this bastard thru now.
The lady who answered the phone at the White House was very nice,
and she suggested I speak with someone in Communications, so I agreed.
( I was hoping to get Sam or Toby.)
When I got to Communications, they said they didn't have a clue
who the mysterious
other 10 convicted people were, but they assured me the people in the White House
Press Office would know, so she connected me to them.
I got Mark Hitchens, and when I asked him, he said he didn't have
but he was certain the people at Justice could help me.
Korsh, I really need a drink.
I figured Justice was too big and too busy celebrating, so I tried
New York again,
this time specifically telling the operator I needed "the big TV guys" at the
A-mer-i-can Broad-cast-ing Com-pan-y.
She gave me that same 212-456-7777 number, so I tried it again.
This time, a fellow answered and said, "Oh, you need the news
This son-of-a-bitch is sharp, isn't he?
He connected me to Channel Seven Eyewitness News, which is the
when I really wanted to speak with the national ABC morons.
I got some lady and as soon as I said, "I have a political question," she connected me
to a never-ending electronic menu that led me to think pressing "One" for
"Customer Sevice" might be the right thing to do, but I got another recording that said
they only answer questions between 10 AM and 12:30 PM, and fuck the bad luck,
it was 12:45 their time so I remain ignorant.
Oh, God, I need a drink.
Now you know why I chose to stay with the comedy.
If you try to do anything in this goddamn, mixed-up whore-driven world we live in,
you will eventually have a nervous breakdown or be driven insane by the
incompetence or dishonesty of every mother-effer on the planet.
There is nobody reachable by the Internet or by the telephone that has a clue
about the lies they continuously broadcast to easily-led idiots nationwide.
You see, since my question wasn't directly related to Clinton's
there's nobody in this country who can answer it.
As Popeye used to say,
"That's all I can stands, cause I can't stands no more."
I'm going to shoot myself now, it's been fun...
At 11:28 CDT, Drudge's site is down.
He must be having a coronary after the "bad news" about Robert Ray.
Eat it, Matt.
Help Bush, N.R.A. Withholds Backing
By New York Whore Times writer JAMES DAO
11 — Defying expectations, the board of the NRA
declined to endorse Smirk for president at its final meeting of the year on Saturday.
The development makes it very unlikely that Smirk will receive the group's formal
approval before Election Day, N.R.A. officials said today.
That does not
mean, however, that the rifle association will sit out the election.
Far from it:
The organization intends to spend millions of dollars supporting Smirk and screaming
insults at Gore, claiming he's a threat to gun ownership.
of the association said today that they did not want to provide the Democrats
new fodder for attacking Smirk, because everyone knows the Merchants of Death are the
last albatross Smirky needs as his smear campaign approaches the iceberg, so they have
decided to withhold a formal endorsement. Polls suggest that the N.R.A., while wildly
popular in Carolina, Oklahoma and other Third World states, is viewed negatively by
Americans with an education whom Mr. Bush is trying to court, particularly women.
"Our goal is
to do no harm to Smirk," one N.R.A. official said, noting that the group
was already pouring tons of money into the race to help the forgetful governor.
Mr. Bush has
had a symbiotic relationship with the mad-dog, pro-gun wilders in Texas,
but he has tried to maintain a polite distance from the group since people are watching.
The "Austin Powers" said today that Bush had not sought the group's endorsement,
or its neutrality.
The Gore campaign
has described the rifle association as "the Bush gun policy team"
and has accused Mr. Bush of working "hip-holster-to-hip-holster" with the gun nuts.
Inc. is running TV ads featuring Kayne Robinson, NRA vice president,
telling people if Smirk is elected, "we'll have a president where we work out of their office."
This Just In...
Robert Ray admits he can't
find any evidence of any crimes!
Hardon Kenny's butterboy forced to admit Clintons are clean!
Failed cock-hunt limps to an end because the
right-wing witchhunt fails to produce
any evidence against the president or his lovely wife, the Senator from New York.
Bill Clinton is by far the most investigated man in history.
Partly due to technological innovations such as the Internet,
partly due to an everybody-on-all-sides-hates-her Attorney General,
partly due to a all-whore-all-the-time media and their obsession with
Clinton's cock and their need to fill alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
those cable channels with something - anything about Clinton's cock,
but mostly due to wild-ass, insatiable, Pigboy-fueled Republican Nazi hate,
there has been more false statements and shit-for-brains innuendo written
about the man who single-handedly saved America's economy,
...and they couldn't catch him on anything!
I wonder how soon lucianne.com will get the breaking story up?
The most ethical administration in history?
How much proof do you need?
If Reagan/Bush had a special prosecutor hounded every friend and
partner they ever had in their entire lives, threatening them with dying in prison,
we may have seen our previous two presidents sitting in prison for REAL crimes,
not crimes of the tongue.
Robert Ray says there's no evidence to charge them with any crimes,
but he criticized Bill and Hillary for not being more forthcoming in assisting
him and Hardon Kenneth in their goddamn withhunt.
Hey, Robert Ray!
It's not Clinton's job to help you take him down.
There's a new thing in town called the Constitution.
The Fourth and Fifth Amendments told Ray to keep his goddamn hands
out of Clinton's pants and look for REAL evidence from REAL sources.
You see what happens when the GOP has power?
It was non-step grab for Clinton's cock, and what did you gain for all your penis envy?
It cost the GOP the careers of Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston,
Bob Barr, Dan Burton,
Henry Hyde and just wait until you see what Larry Flynt does to the idiot Smirk.
but why would the moron Ray release these facts just as Smirk's
of hope seems to be "restoring honor and dignity" to the White House?
If I wasn't at work, I'd have me a mouthful of Chinaco right fucking now.
Bill, I can't wait to shake your hand.
I'm going to look you right in the eye and say,
"You son-of-a-bitch, you beat them all!"
...and what about this poor bastard?
I got a quote for ya, best I can remember it...
"I don't sing Chuck Berry songs,
and I don't sing Elvis songs,
so why should I sing any of his songs?"
-- Jakob Dylan, when asked by a reporter why he didn't whore his Daddy's songs
as a cheap-ass gimic to jump-start his career as a singer/songwriter.
I just wanted you to know there are some people with enough
and self-respect to not use their Daddy's friends and connections to get work.
You've got 48 more days in the limelight, Smirk.
...and by the way,
you screwed it for your brother, too.
I'm sure there's a name for this, (tell me)
I call it a "wormhole," for lack of a better name,
but when you go to Pigboy's web page,
he won't let you leave!
Once you're there, your "back" button no longer works.
You can go "Home," or use the arrow to the right of the URL box,
but why would the sick bastard want to screw with people that way?
Does he have someone more stupid than ol' BartCop writing his
That doesn't hardly seem possible, which makes me think he told his
lil' webmaster to screw with every person who surf's into his Nazi hate site.
Usually you only get trapped at those vulgar porn sites.
I don't visit Internet porn sites, because I prefer Playboy type
"porn" to that
raunchy, teenage-boys-love-this explicit crap, but if you get spam mail, you know
how these pervs will say, "Get half-off on a cruise" or something and then when you
click on it you're in some beastiality/child abuse site, and you can't get back.
What do the porno people and Rush have to gain by writing code
disables your "back" button? What could the point possibly be?
The Reagan/Firestone death toll is now 103.
Thanks for the de-regulation, Ronny.
Thanks for keeping government "off the back" of Firestone's quality control people..
Thanks for "getting out of the way," so business could be "free to compete."
Thanks for trusting state governments to handle this world-wide problem.
Thanks for having the "faith" to let American industry police themselves.
Oh, and Mr. President, what would you say
to the 103 families who have lost
loved ones because there wasn't enough time or manpower to inspect faulty tires?
Let me guess:
"It's just like when you order kitchen
Seems like they never show up on time."
Thanks for everything, Mr, President.
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