Heavy into Back Mail
I wonder if you have heard about the British siamese twins?
Four weeks ago, twin girls were born.
However they are joined at the lower abdomen.
The kids share lungs and a heart.
If separated, one may livea long happy life, but the other will die.
However both will die in up to three month if not separated.
The doctors want to separate them, but the
have gotten a court order to stop them.
They cite God's will. The family is Catholic and they
don't want to be part of 'actively' killing one of
them. If God wants both of them to die, so be it.
I think that not separating the kids is murder since
you could have saved one child, yet you chose not to.
What are your thoughts?
Catholics shouldn't be allowed near any life-and-death decisions.
The government should step in and save the life that can be saved.
Logic says save the one if you can, and science says they can.
When it really, really counts, go with science and logic.
...and speaking of wacko religious fantasies...
"That's never been disputed by anyone."
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
engineering mid term.
The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we
now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
Endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off
when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different
religions that exist in the
world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion,
you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell,
then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa
Banyan during my Freshman year,
"...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact
that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.
The student received the only "A" given.
Thanks to Rich
A Dr. Laura Minute
Caller: Dr. Laura, I'm having sex with my husband's
brother and his father,
and I guess my moral dilemma is whether or not I should stop.
Laura: You're a slut.
You're a whore.
John, welcome to the program!"
This Dr. Laura moment has been brought to you
by Madame Bea's Tarot.
For the best in Tarot reading, visit Madame Bea's Tarot.
"$100 a gram?
That's more than I'm used to paying.
Is it cheaper if I get an 8-ball?"
You ought to love this.
I visited by brother and sister-in-law over
They are very strong fundamentalist christian.
I think Baptist would mostly appropriately describe their point of view.
It seems that the new religious wacko line
seems to be.
1. Lieberman is Jewish.
2. Jews don't believe that Jesus Christ was the son of god.
3. That means that Lieberman is Anti-christian.
4. That makes Lieberman and anyone associated with him Anti-christian
or as they would like you to interpret Revelations, "the anti-christ".
Hey, it's not JoeL's fault that the Jews killed Christ.
It was a misunderstanding...
In the greater K-Drag area,
see Cliff for all your insurance needs.
Ask for the bartcop.com discount
Great Republican Quotes
In all fairness, it’s something Gore had worked on a long time.
Gore is not the
Father of the Internet, but in all fairness Gore is the person who, in the Congress,
most systematically worked to make sure that we got to an Internet, and the truth is
—and I worked with him starting in 1978 when I got there, we were both part of a
“futures group”—the fact is, in the Clinton administration the world we had talked
about in the ’80s began to actually happen.
-- Newt Gingrich
Thanks to email@example.com
Click Here to read the entire story.
Found this in the "In Box."
It's a story you make think isn't real, and I can't swear it is, but as a Catholic,
I'm betting it is. Notice the reluctance of the Church to clearly state what they believe in.
Exorcist Pope 'cast out
demons' in the Vatican
BY RICHARD OWEN
THE POPE personally "confronted Satan" by
"casting out demons" from a young
Italian woman during an impromptu exorcism rite on St Peter's Square last week,
it was reported yesterday .
The incident, which was kept secret by Vatican
officials at the time, involved a
19-year-old woman from a village near Monza in northern Italy who attended the
Pope's weekly audience last Wednesday on the square in front of St Peter's Basilica.
Eyewitnesses said that she started screaming
just as the Pope was about to bless her,
"yelling obscenities at him in an agitated and cavernous voice clearly not her own".
Editor's Note: Think how many camcorders
are in St Peter's Square every day.
This story has to have dozens, if not hundreds of videotapes of "proof."
Reports said that the woman, who was not
named, not only yelled disjointed phrases
in Italian but also a stream of words in unknown languages. Papal aides tried to make
the "possessed" teenager drink holy water, but she "pushed it aside in fear and disgust".
Monsignor Danzi was quoted as saying that
he swiftly "realised who was inside the girl"
and told Bishop Stanislaw Dziwisz, the Pope's personal secretary, who informed the pontiff.
Witnesses said she showed "superhuman strength"
when Vatican staff tried to restrain her.
The Pope was then said to have taken her to one side and spent half an hour with her in prayer.
Vatican officials were reluctant to discuss
the episode, saying that the Pope had simply
"spent time in prayer" with the afflicted woman. Father Gabriele Amorth, 74, head of the
International Association of Exorcists - (I am also a member) - who has conducted
exorcisms on 3,000 people in 14 years - said that he had tried to exorcise her before
she met the Pope "but without success".
It had been left to the pontiff to exercise
He said that the teenager was full of goodness but had suffered atrociously since enemies
of her parents paid a "black magician" to place a curse on her at the age of 12.
He added that the Pope had focused his full
attention on her and had "struck the target".
Other accounts said that at "follow up" exorcism rituals the Devil, "speaking through the girl",
had mocked the Pope's efforts. Il Messaggero, the Rome daily, said that there had been a
"struggle at St Peter's between Satan and the Pope".
The Catholic Church seeks to distinguish
between those who are mentally ill or
psychologically disturbed and those it judges to be genuinely "possessed".
The Catholics still officially believe in exorcisms, but they
know how crazy that makes
them sound, so they'll only agree to talk about it if you make a nice donation.
The film, The Exorcist is about to be re-released, with new footage, which will start
the questions alllll over again. I've seen some of this new footage and it's creepy as hell.
Note to Pigboy
Rush - You're contradicting yourself...
"Algore is afraid to appear on Larry King"
... and in the VERY NEXT SENTENCE you talked about how many times
Algore has appeared on Larry King.
Rush, I actually don't blame you for being
increasingly incoherent - you championed
this empty suit for months - while trashing McCain - it must be frustrating to have
all of America realize what an imbecile Smirk is....
"President Gore" - get used to it - and we have you - in part - to thank for it.
It's not polite to make fun of stroke victims.
Shame on you.
Sorry, lost your address:
There was an article in an issue last month
about Julie needing money
after being raped by the Starr attack dogs. I was wondering about the
request and the address on it because it didn't appear to come from
you. I just tried to search to find it and used your spelling on the
"search bartcop.com" search engine but got no matches. Please repeat
the info or let me know what I'm doin' wrong so I can find it myself.
Congrats for your mention on the bloated one's own whore-a-thon!
I just got this from Tamara Baker:
Subject: FLASH: Julie Hiatt Steele needs HELP!
The good news:
Julie Hiatt Steele got her house loan refinanced earlier this summer.
The bad news:
The payments are outrageous, and now that the latest one (about $2000) is due,
she suffered a severely busted (it needs major surgery) leg, making getting around
difficult and painful. Her hospitalization is sucking up what little cash she has right now.
If anyone can spare a few bucks to help
her out, send them to her (yes, she's
authorized publicizing her address, things are that bad right now):
Julie Hiatt Steele
10701 Arsenal Drive
Midlothian, VA 23113
On behalf of Julie, thanks in advance for your help!
You are not funnny, but rather quite stupid.
How can there be any real debates?
When I was in high school (and when I taught
high school), members of the
debate team (or National Forensic Society) were the brightest, smartest kids.
They had the highest GPAs and were more than likely headed to ivy league
universities on big scholarships. They might have been jocks or cowboys, but
they were the smart, best and brightest.
Do you honestly think Gore would attack a defenseless man?
My sources say YES!
CLINTON BOOM BAD NEWS FOR BUSH
Thanks to Brian at firstname.lastname@example.org
This reminds me...
Last Friday, I watched the Olympic Opening Ceremony.
It was really something.
If you don't catch anything else, watch Cathy Freeman
(the Aborigine who's going to explain the meaning of superiority to her countrymen)
Friday during the pre-lims and Monday when she picks up her gold medal,
and then watch the Closing Ceremony a week from Sunday night..
Mrs. BC missed Friday's opening, so I replayed it for her Saturday.
Bob Costas, the motormouth that yabbers-yabbers-yabbers like crazy,
needs to do two things to make this a better broadcast next Sunday:
1. He needs to shut the hell up for two seconds at least once an hour,
2. STOP TELLING US WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN!
The ignorant son-of-a-bitch on Friday kept saying,
"Watch now, the giant cauldron is going to come out of the water
and lift up above Cathy's head and then climb the steps."
I'd hate to go see a movie with your surprise-busting ass.
"Watch this next part here. When Sonny pulls up to the toll
the toll-taker will drop and Barzini's men will shoot him fucking dead."
It's getting to where I hate Bob Costas.
I used to enjoy him quite a bit, but he turned into a yammering putz.
Bob, for the Closing Ceremony, why not take a few nembutal and
have a few cocktails so we can watch the show without you telling us
every goddamn thing that was SUPPOSED to be a surprise, you idiot.
If I can quote Smirk, "He's a major league asshole."
Subject: Heard you on the Radio
I was in my car getting lunch at a local
hot dog joint (Italian beef, cheese fries, mmmmmm .........
cheeeese fries, and a root beer) and there was the call.
I almost died when the guy said that.
The way Piggy (does Marta call him Piggy in bed?) said "What was that all about?" and
stumbled a little, it made me think, did he know exactly who Bartcop was or was it genuine?
Are you the proverbial thorn in his side, the one that can blow his gig?
I just wish you had the chance.
If he heard my name today, I'm sure it was the first time.
I'm also curious, have your hits increased
since 1:00 or so. He went right
to a commercial, giving the ditts a chance to check. Let us know if your hits have gone up.
Funny, he's always back from the 7-minute
break with a snappy answer
and a just-thought-of funny thing to say about the last caller.
I wonder who feeds him lines during the commercials?
Hit's are up a little but not necessarily today.
I've only gotten mail from 5 people who
and funny, the caller hasn't written - hmmmm.
Maybe he's shy...
Why Bush will never be
by GENE LYONS
You read it here second.
Call in the hounds and put out the fire, George W. Bush will never be president.
The double-talking Texan will win most (but
not all) of the old Confederate States of America.
He'll earn the electoral votes of almost every state populated by more cows than people.
Otherwise, he's in what his daddy once called
GOP partisans had best enjoy the Olympics and the baseball
playoffs. The presidential race looks all but over.
A pox upon Slate's pithy Will Saletan for
beating Unsolicited Opinions Inc.'s vaunted
Department of Political Augury and Hairball Divination to the punch.
"Yes, in principle, Bush could win," Saletan
writes. "The stock market could crash.
Gore could be caught shagging an intern. Bush could electrify the country with the
greatest performance in the history of presidential debates. But barring such a
grossly unlikely event, there is no reason to think Bush will recover."
Starting with "Peace and Prosperity" and
ending with Bush's dreadful political judgment,
Saletan cites six big reasons why Gore's steadily increasing lead in opinion polls is apt to hold.
We think he neglects the biggest: Bill Clinton and Gore's dismantling
of the GOP's "Southern Strategy."
After eight years of successful centrist
leadership, the electoral map has been remade.
Nixon and Reagan's home base of California is now solidly Democratic. As Unsolicited Opinions
Inc.'s political psychics did anticipate during the primary season, Gore now holds commanding
leads in big "swing" states like Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Illinois and Michigan.
Others like Missouri, Florida and Georgia, once deemed GOP "locks," could go Democratic.
Even Arkansas may go for Al.
Ironically, it's the "character" issue that
may prove most decisive. A series of tactical and
personal blunders has given Bush the very image he tried to pin on Gore: insincere, indecisive,
a shallow, calculating phony.
After promising to "change the tone" in
Washington, Saletan notes, "Bush has approved two
sarcastic personal attack ads, refused to apologize for using a gross vulgarity to describe a
reporter at a campaign event and mounted a preposterous campaign, including a TV ad,
to frame Gore as a liar and coward for refusing to ditch the traditional bipartisan debates
in favor of a series of smaller venues dictated by Bush."
After persuading absolutely nobody that
Gore feared him, Bush then rolled over,
peed on his belly like a beagle puppy and agreed to the original debate schedule.
And this is the guy we want negotiating with the Chinese and the Russians?
Moreover, these are the kinds of indelible
impressions all but impossible to reverse:
that the GOP has sent a boy to do a man's job.
For all the chatter about Sen. Joe Lieberman's religiosity, I've yet to see anybody make
the most elementary distinction in the world. Although Lieberman makes frequent
references to his own faith, I've yet to hear him denounce his opponents as godless or
so much as hint that the God of Abraham takes sides in elections. See, it's never been
the fact of their belief that makes televangelist politicos like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson
so objectionable. Rather, it's the combination of their intolerance, authoritarianism and
partisan attempts to turn God into a Republican.
Truth is, it's hard to think of an American
politician who wouldn't have made a dandy
door-to-door Bible salesman. Indeed, one of the many things that has always infuriated
Clinton-haters is that the rascal can parse scripture with the best of them. As many
commentators have pointed out, the progressive political tradition in this country has
long been suffused with religion. Absent black preachers (and white ones, too),
there would have been no civil rights movement.
The only unique thing about Lieberman's
invocations of faith is his Jewishness.
For obvious historical reasons, American Jews have long hesitated to draw attention
to their faith. That Lieberman feels no fear is a good thing; with all due respect,
Jewish organizations fearful of a backlash from anybody but the nut fringe are probably
mistaken. Even so, you'll know genuine acceptance has been achieved when critics
feel free to call Lieberman a sanctimonious windbag.
Meanwhile, the whining of the religious
right is not to be taken seriously. At least in its
TV manifestations, Protestant fundamentalism is always conjuring chimerical enemies
out of thin air. Making a federal case out of prayers to Coach Jesus strikes me as
pointless either way. But the Supreme Court's recent ruling on school-sanctioned
prayer at football games has provided the ostentatiously pious a swell chance to
indulge in their favorite pastime: forcing sectarian prayers on religious minorities
while bleating that everybody's picking on them.
Leaders of the religious right and their
ilk routinely portray their political foes as spawns
of Satan and allies of the Antichrist, then get all huffy and defensive when anybody talks back.
What's driving the religious right crazy
is that Lieberman's found a way to talk back
for which they have no coherent answer. Just as Clinton walked off with the sane half
of Newt Gingrich's agenda, Lieberman has reminded voters that Democrats, too, can speak
the language of faith and decency. And there's never been a biblical injunction against shrewd politics.
That said, politicians posturing against
Hollywood violence and trash culture generally leave
me lukewarm. Sure, it's ironic to watch conservatives who worship free markets in other
contexts howling with outrage over offensive rap music. But even if you trusted politicians to
legislate good taste, the First Amendment pretty much makes it impossible. Besides, as Pete
Townshend of The Who so archly pointed out, "it's only teen-aged wasteland."
There is no state or federal law mandating that parents subscribe to cable TV.
For perspective, also consider that while rappers enact their dramatic monologues of lust and rage,
violent crime rates plummet.
Also that Shakespeare's "Hamlet," as a talk
show scold might put it, "romanticizes" such sins
as revenge, suicide and murder. Add some rhyme and the "To be or not to be" speech would
make a terrific rap anthem. The play ends with corpses all over the stage.
Then there's the bard's "Romeo and Juliet." Laden with sexually explicit imagery throughout,
that one's about a 14-year-old girl's suicide pact with a gang member.
This rant has ended.
Is it me, or did he get lost?
He started with "Why Smirk can't be president," and was doing real good,
then moved into Lieberman and Hollywood violence.
Oh well, Gene's a much better writer than I, ...than me, ...
Great Marion Barry Quotes
Subject: I heard it
I got to the F.U. point at about 1:10 today
and I switched over to sports radio to
hear Met fans cry about the thrashing the Braves put on their team the last 2 days.
About 1:50 during a commercial I turned
Pigboy back on and heard the call.
It was from a guy from Florida. It was great. Pigboy said something like
"What was that? It sounded like he said...oh,
I better not say it
because the last time I said that I got in trouble."
You should ask your readers if they ever
get thru to the fat slob,
to always mention bartcop.com.
Today was special - no screener for an hour or so.
I think that's how I got lucky.
But hey, a FREE CAR if you mention bartcop.com on
(This offer not good retroactively)
Subject: [Fwd: Mail System Error - Returned Mail]
This Message was undeliverable due to the following reason:
Each of the following recipients was rejected
by a remote mail server.
The reasons given by the server are included to help you determine why
each recipient was rejected.
Reason: Quota violation
I don't know what that means...
Subject: Rush caller who ID'd you
You must be one of those bad first-impression guys, but thanks for checking out
a web site you heard about on The Rush Limbaugh Show.
You ought to quit whining about Rush and start listening to G. Gordon Liddy.
They took Liddy off the radio in my town.
He wasn't spewing lies as entertainingly as Rush, so he got boring.
He will at least take the time to correct
the spelling and diction of a publicly
educated hoser such as yourself.
You are wrong about the public education, ditto-breath.
I was reared by crazed nuns.
But you're right about Liddy.
The last time we "spoke," he corrected my English, and he was correct.
Don't whine about your work hours either,
especially if you have the time to
engage in internet subversion like your homepage. Of course, being a
liberal, you probably consider that part of your "job".
No, my job is to shake the ditto-tree and count the monkeys that fall out.
[Liddy: No, BartCop, it's
"monkeys WHO" fall out.]
[BartCop: Darn it, you're right Mr. Liddy, thanks.]
My job is to count the monkeys WHO fall out.
Really, I say these things in jest; I actually
Every rural county jail should house at least thirty of them!
So long lecherous swine,
Cornpicker, your final impression is similar to your first.
Where have you been debating where they talk like that?
Are you originally from this country?
I wish you luck, in ...whatever it ...is you do,
PS. You think you get good corn?
Here's a half-ear of Bixby Merit for ya,
Shuck off, Corn Boy!
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