Volume 273 - I Found My Thrill

 September 21, 2000

 Heavy into Back Mail

 From: style_invitational@yahoo.com

 I wonder if you have heard about the British siamese twins?

 Four weeks ago, twin girls were born.
 However they are joined at the lower abdomen.
 The kids share lungs and a heart.
 If separated, one may livea long happy life, but the other will die.
 However both will die in up to three month if not separated.

 The doctors want to separate them, but the parents
 have gotten a court order to stop them.
 They cite God's will. The family is Catholic and they
 don't want to be part of 'actively' killing one of
 them. If God wants both of them to die, so be it.
 I think that not separating the kids is murder since
 you could have saved one child, yet you chose not to.

 What are your thoughts?

 Catholics shouldn't be allowed near any life-and-death decisions.
 The government should step in and save the life that can be saved.
 Logic says save the one if you can, and science says they can.
 When it really, really counts, go with science and logic.

 ...and speaking of wacko religious fantasies...

  Hell is Hot!
 "That's never been disputed by anyone."

 The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid term.
 The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we
 now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

 Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?
 Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off
 when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

 One student, however, wrote the following:

 First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
 So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.
 I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
 Therefore, no souls are leaving.

 As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the
 world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion,
 you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not
 belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

 With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
 exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law
 states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
 Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
     then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

 2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
     then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year,
    "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact
    that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot
     be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

 The student received the only "A" given.

 Thanks to Rich

 A Dr. Laura Minute

 Caller:   Dr. Laura, I'm having sex with my husband's brother and his father,
               and I guess my moral dilemma is whether or not I should stop.

 Laura:  You're a slut.
              You're a whore.

               John, welcome to the program!"

 This Dr. Laura moment has been brought to you by Madame Bea's Tarot.
 For the best in Tarot reading, visit Madame Bea's Tarot.

"$100 a gram?
  That's more than I'm used to paying.
  Is it cheaper if I get an 8-ball?"

 From: downingc@webzone.net

 You ought to love this.

 I visited by brother and sister-in-law over the weekend.
 They are very strong fundamentalist christian.
 I think Baptist would mostly appropriately describe their point of view.

 It seems that the new religious wacko line seems to be.
 1. Lieberman is Jewish.
 2. Jews don't believe that Jesus Christ was the son of god.
 3. That means that Lieberman is Anti-christian.
 4. That makes Lieberman and anyone associated with him Anti-christian
     or as they would like you to interpret Revelations,   "the anti-christ".



 Hey, it's not JoeL's fault that the Jews killed Christ.
 It was a misunderstanding...

 In the greater K-Drag area,
 see Cliff for all your insurance needs.
 Ask for the bartcop.com discount

 Great Republican Quotes

 In all fairness, it’s something Gore had worked on a long time. Gore is not the
 Father of the Internet, but in all fairness Gore is the person who, in the Congress,
 most systematically worked to make sure that we got to an Internet, and the truth is
 —and I worked with him starting in 1978 when I got there, we were both part of a
 “futures group”—the fact is, in the Clinton administration the world we had talked
 about in the ’80s began to actually happen.

        -- Newt Gingrich

 Thanks to bassm@ecn.purdue.edu

 Click  Here to read the entire story.

 Found this in the "In Box."
 It's a story you make think isn't real, and I can't swear it is, but as a Catholic,
 I'm betting it is. Notice the reluctance of the Church to clearly state what they believe in.

 From: jhardin@sbc-adv.com

 Exorcist Pope 'cast out demons' in the Vatican

 THE POPE personally "confronted Satan" by "casting out demons" from a young
 Italian woman during an impromptu exorcism rite on St Peter's Square last week,
 it was reported yesterday .

 The incident, which was kept secret by Vatican officials at the time, involved a
 19-year-old woman from a village near Monza in northern Italy who attended the
 Pope's weekly audience last Wednesday on the square in front of St Peter's Basilica.

 Eyewitnesses said that she started screaming just as the Pope was about to bless her,
 "yelling obscenities at him in an agitated and cavernous voice clearly not her own".

 Editor's Note: Think how many camcorders are in St Peter's Square every day.
 This story has to have dozens, if not hundreds of videotapes of "proof."

 Reports said that the woman, who was not named, not only yelled disjointed phrases
 in Italian but also a stream of words in unknown languages. Papal aides tried to make
 the "possessed" teenager drink holy water, but she "pushed it aside in fear and disgust".

 Monsignor Danzi was quoted as saying that he swiftly "realised who was inside the girl"
 and told Bishop Stanislaw Dziwisz, the Pope's personal secretary, who informed the pontiff.

 Witnesses said she showed "superhuman strength" when Vatican staff tried to restrain her.
 The Pope was then said to have taken her to one side and spent half an hour with her in prayer.

 Vatican officials were reluctant to discuss the episode, saying that the Pope had simply
 "spent time in prayer" with the afflicted woman. Father Gabriele Amorth, 74, head of the
 International Association of Exorcists - (I am also a member) - who has conducted
 exorcisms on 3,000 people in 14 years - said that he had tried to exorcise her before
 she met the Pope "but without success".

 It had been left to the pontiff to exercise "greater power".
 He said that the teenager was full of goodness but had suffered atrociously since enemies
 of her parents paid a "black magician" to place a curse on her at the age of 12.

 He added that the Pope had focused his full attention on her and had "struck the target".
 Other accounts said that at "follow up" exorcism rituals the Devil, "speaking through the girl",
 had mocked the Pope's efforts. Il Messaggero, the Rome daily, said that there had been a
"struggle at St Peter's between Satan and the Pope".

 The Catholic Church seeks to distinguish between those who are mentally ill or
 psychologically disturbed and those it judges to be genuinely "possessed".

 ha ha

 The Catholics still officially believe in exorcisms, but they know how crazy that makes
 them sound, so they'll only agree to talk about it if you make a nice donation.
 The film, The Exorcist is about to be re-released, with new footage, which will start
 the questions alllll over again.  I've seen some of this new footage and it's creepy as hell.

 Note to Pigboy

 From: craigatl@hotmail.com
 To: Rush@eibnet.com

 Rush - You're contradicting yourself... "Algore is afraid to appear on Larry King"
 ... and in the VERY NEXT SENTENCE you talked about how many times
 Algore has appeared on Larry King.

 Rush, I actually don't blame you for being increasingly incoherent - you championed
 this empty suit for months - while trashing  McCain - it must be frustrating to have
 all of America realize what an imbecile Smirk is....

"President Gore" - get used to it - and we have you - in part -  to thank for it.

 Craig Thompson

 It's not polite to make fun of stroke victims.
 Shame on you.

 Sorry, lost your address:


 There was an article in an issue last month about Julie needing money
 after being raped by the Starr attack dogs.  I was wondering about the
 request and the address on it because it didn't appear to come from
 you.  I just tried to search to find it and used your spelling on the
 "search bartcop.com" search engine but got no matches.  Please repeat
 the info or let me know what I'm doin' wrong so I can find it myself.
 Congrats for your mention on the bloated one's own whore-a-thon!


 I just got this from Tamara Baker:

 Subject: FLASH: Julie Hiatt Steele needs HELP!

 The good news:
 Julie Hiatt Steele got her house loan refinanced earlier this summer.

 The bad news:
 The payments are outrageous, and now that the latest one (about $2000) is due,
 she suffered a severely busted (it needs major surgery) leg, making getting around
 difficult and painful. Her hospitalization is sucking up what little cash she has right now.

 If anyone can spare a few bucks to help her out, send them to her (yes, she's
 authorized publicizing her address, things are that bad right now):

 Julie Hiatt Steele
 10701 Arsenal Drive
 Midlothian, VA 23113

 On behalf of Julie, thanks in advance for your help!

 Tamara Baker

 From: george_parkey@langstonbag.com

 Subject: You

You are not funnny, but rather quite stupid.

 Ask BartCop

 From: Joankitty@aol.com

 Dear Bartcop,
 How can there be any real debates?

 When I was in high school (and when I taught high school), members of the
 debate team (or National Forensic Society) were the brightest, smartest kids.
 They had the highest GPAs and were more than likely headed to ivy league
 universities on big scholarships. They might have been jocks or cowboys, but
 they were the smart, best and brightest.

 Do you honestly think Gore would attack a defenseless man?


 Dear Joankitty,

 My sources say YES!

 ha ha



 Click  Here

 Thanks to Brian at  bkminto@erienet.net

 This reminds me...

 Last Friday, I watched the Olympic Opening Ceremony.
 It was really something.
 If you don't catch anything else, watch Cathy Freeman
 (the Aborigine who's going to explain the meaning of superiority to her countrymen)
 Friday during the pre-lims and Monday when she picks up her gold medal,
 and then watch the Closing Ceremony a week from Sunday night..


 Mrs. BC missed Friday's opening, so I replayed it for her Saturday.
 Bob Costas, the motormouth that yabbers-yabbers-yabbers like crazy,
 needs to do two things to make this a better broadcast next Sunday:

1. He needs to shut the hell up for two seconds at least once an hour,



 The ignorant son-of-a-bitch on Friday kept saying,
 "Watch now, the giant cauldron is going to come out of the water
  and lift up above Cathy's head and then climb the steps."

 Hey, Bob!
 Fuck you.

 I'd hate to go see a movie with your surprise-busting ass.

 "Watch this next part here. When Sonny pulls up to the toll booth,
  the toll-taker will drop and Barzini's men will shoot him fucking dead."

 It's getting to where I hate Bob Costas.
 I used to enjoy him quite a bit, but he turned into a yammering putz.

 Bob, for the Closing Ceremony, why not take a few nembutal and
 have a few cocktails so we can watch the show without you telling us
 every goddamn thing that was SUPPOSED to be a surprise, you idiot.

 If I can quote Smirk, "He's a major league asshole."

 From: pshaughnessy@worldnet.att.net

 Subject: Heard you on the Radio


 I was in my car getting lunch at a local hot dog joint (Italian beef, cheese fries, mmmmmm .........
 cheeeese fries, and a root beer) and there was the call.

 I almost died when the guy said that.
 The way Piggy (does Marta call him Piggy in bed?) said  "What was that all about?" and
 stumbled a little, it made me think, did he know exactly who Bartcop was or was it genuine?
 Are you the proverbial thorn in his side, the one that can blow his gig?
 I just wish you had the chance.

 If he heard my name today, I'm sure it was the first time.

 I'm also curious, have your hits increased since 1:00 or so. He went right
 to a commercial, giving the ditts a chance to check. Let us know if your hits have gone up.


 Funny, he's always back from the 7-minute break with a snappy answer
 and a just-thought-of funny thing to say about the last caller.
 I wonder who feeds him lines during the commercials?
 Hit's are up a little but not necessarily today.

 I've only gotten mail from 5 people who heard it,
 and funny, the caller hasn't written - hmmmm.
 Maybe he's shy...

 Why Bush will never be president

 You read it here second.
 Call in the hounds and put out the fire, George W. Bush will never be president.

 The double-talking Texan will win most (but not all) of the old Confederate States of America.
 He'll earn the electoral votes of almost every state populated by more cows than people.

 Otherwise, he's in what his daddy once called "deep doo-doo."
 GOP partisans had best enjoy the Olympics and the baseball
 playoffs. The presidential race looks all but over.

 A pox upon Slate's pithy Will Saletan for beating Unsolicited Opinions Inc.'s vaunted
 Department of Political Augury and Hairball Divination to the punch.

 "Yes, in principle, Bush could win," Saletan writes. "The stock market could crash.
 Gore could be caught shagging an intern. Bush could electrify the country with the
 greatest performance in the history of presidential debates. But barring such a
 grossly unlikely event, there is no reason to think Bush will recover."

 Starting with "Peace and Prosperity" and ending with Bush's dreadful political judgment,
 Saletan cites six big reasons why Gore's steadily increasing lead in opinion polls is apt to hold.
 We think he neglects the biggest: Bill Clinton and Gore's dismantling
 of the GOP's "Southern Strategy."

 After eight years of successful centrist leadership, the electoral map has been remade.
 Nixon and Reagan's home base of California is now solidly Democratic. As Unsolicited Opinions
 Inc.'s political psychics did anticipate during the primary season, Gore now holds commanding
 leads in big "swing" states like Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Illinois and Michigan.
 Others like Missouri, Florida and Georgia, once deemed GOP "locks," could go Democratic.
 Even Arkansas may go for Al.

 Ironically, it's the "character" issue that may prove most decisive. A series of tactical and
 personal blunders has given Bush the very image he tried to pin on Gore: insincere, indecisive,
 a shallow, calculating phony.

 After promising to "change the tone" in Washington, Saletan notes, "Bush has approved two
 sarcastic personal attack ads, refused to apologize for using a gross vulgarity to describe a
 reporter at a campaign event and mounted a preposterous campaign, including a TV ad,
 to frame Gore as a liar and coward for refusing to ditch the traditional bipartisan debates
 in favor of a series of smaller venues dictated by Bush."

 After persuading absolutely nobody that Gore feared him, Bush then rolled over,
 peed on his belly like a beagle puppy and agreed to the original debate schedule.
 And this is the guy we want negotiating with the Chinese and the Russians?

 ha ha

 Moreover, these are the kinds of indelible impressions all but impossible to reverse:
 that the GOP has sent a boy to do a man's job.
 For all the chatter about Sen. Joe Lieberman's religiosity, I've yet to see anybody make
 the most elementary distinction in the world. Although Lieberman makes frequent
 references to his own faith, I've yet to hear him denounce his opponents as godless or
 so much as hint that the God of Abraham takes sides in elections. See, it's never been
 the fact of their belief that makes televangelist politicos like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson
 so objectionable. Rather, it's the combination of their intolerance, authoritarianism and
 partisan attempts to turn God into a Republican.

 Truth is, it's hard to think of an American politician who wouldn't have made a dandy
 door-to-door Bible salesman. Indeed, one of the many things that has always infuriated
 Clinton-haters is that the rascal can parse scripture with the best of them. As many
 commentators have pointed out, the progressive political tradition in this country has
 long been suffused with religion. Absent black preachers (and white ones, too),
 there would have been no civil rights movement.

 The only unique thing about Lieberman's invocations of faith is his Jewishness.
 For obvious historical reasons, American Jews have long hesitated to draw attention
 to their faith. That Lieberman feels no fear is a good thing; with all due respect,
 Jewish organizations fearful of a backlash from anybody but the nut fringe are probably
 mistaken. Even so, you'll know genuine acceptance has been achieved when critics
 feel free to call Lieberman a sanctimonious windbag.

 Meanwhile, the whining of the religious right is not to be taken seriously. At least in its
 TV manifestations, Protestant fundamentalism is always conjuring chimerical enemies
 out of thin air. Making a federal case out of prayers to Coach Jesus strikes me as
 pointless either way. But the Supreme Court's recent ruling on school-sanctioned
 prayer at football games has provided the ostentatiously pious a swell chance to
 indulge in their favorite pastime: forcing sectarian prayers on religious minorities
 while bleating that everybody's picking on them.
 That's typical.

 Leaders of the religious right and their ilk routinely portray their political foes as spawns
of Satan and allies of the Antichrist, then get all huffy and defensive when anybody talks back.

 What's driving the religious right crazy is that Lieberman's found a way to talk back
 for which they have no coherent answer.  Just as Clinton walked off with the sane half
 of Newt Gingrich's agenda, Lieberman has reminded voters that Democrats, too, can speak
 the language of faith and decency. And there's never been a biblical injunction against shrewd politics.

 That said, politicians posturing against Hollywood violence and trash culture generally leave
 me lukewarm. Sure, it's ironic to watch conservatives who worship free markets in other
 contexts howling with outrage over offensive rap music. But even if you trusted politicians to
 legislate good taste, the First Amendment pretty much makes it impossible. Besides, as Pete
 Townshend of  The Who so archly pointed out, "it's only teen-aged wasteland."
 There is no state or federal law mandating that parents subscribe to cable TV.
 For perspective, also consider that while rappers enact their dramatic monologues of lust and rage,
 violent crime rates plummet.

 Also that Shakespeare's "Hamlet," as a talk show scold might put it, "romanticizes" such sins
 as revenge, suicide and murder.  Add some rhyme and the "To be or not to be" speech would
 make a terrific rap anthem. The play ends with corpses all over the stage.
 Then there's the bard's "Romeo and Juliet." Laden with sexually explicit imagery throughout,
 that one's about a 14-year-old girl's suicide pact with a gang member.

 This rant has ended.

 Is it me, or did he get lost?
 He started with "Why Smirk can't be president," and was doing real good,
 then moved into Lieberman and Hollywood violence.

 Oh well, Gene's a much better writer than I, ...than me, ...

 Great Marion Barry Quotes

 Click  Here

 From: watsmata4u@monmouth.com

 Subject: I heard it

 I got to the F.U. point at about 1:10 today and I switched over to sports radio to
 hear Met fans cry about the thrashing the Braves put on their team the last 2 days.

 About 1:50 during a commercial I turned Pigboy back on and heard the call.
 It was from a guy from Florida. It was great. Pigboy said something like

 "What was that? It sounded like he said...oh, I better not say it
   because the last time I said that I got in trouble."

 You should ask your readers if they ever get thru to the fat slob,
 to always mention bartcop.com.


 Today was special - no screener for an hour or so.
 I think that's how I got lucky.

 But hey, a FREE CAR if you mention  bartcop.com on Rush's show.
 (This offer not good retroactively)

 ha ha

 From:  mrte@home.com

 Subject: [Fwd: Mail System Error - Returned Mail]

 This Message was undeliverable due to the following reason:

 Each of the following recipients was rejected by a remote mail server.
 The reasons given by the server are included to help you determine why
 each recipient was rejected.

 Recipient: <bartcop@mindspring.com>
 Reason: Quota violation

 I don't know what that means...

 From:  pikorn1@chorus.net

 Subject: Rush caller who ID'd you

 Dear Cyberfreak;

 ha ha
 You must be one of those bad first-impression guys, but thanks for checking out
  a web site you heard about on The Rush Limbaugh Show.

 You ought to quit whining about Rush and start listening to G. Gordon Liddy.

 They took Liddy off the radio in my town.
 He wasn't spewing lies as entertainingly as Rush, so he got boring.

 He will at least take the time to correct the spelling and diction of a publicly
 educated hoser such as yourself.

 ha ha
 You are wrong about the public education, ditto-breath.
 I was reared by crazed nuns.
 But you're right about Liddy.
 The last time we "spoke," he corrected my English, and he was correct.

 Don't whine about your work hours either, especially if you have the time to
 engage in internet subversion like your homepage.  Of course, being a
 liberal, you probably consider that part of your "job".

 ha ha
 No, my job is to shake the ditto-tree and count the monkeys that fall out.

 [Liddy: No, BartCop, it's "monkeys WHO" fall out.]
 [BartCop: Darn it, you're right Mr. Liddy, thanks.]

 My job is to count the monkeys WHO fall out.

 Really, I say these things in jest; I actually like liberals.
 Every rural county jail should house at least thirty of them!

 So long lecherous swine,


 ha ha

 Cornpicker, your final impression is similar to your first.
 Where have you been debating where they talk like that?
 Are you originally from this country?

 I wish you luck, in ...whatever it ...is you do,


 PS. You think you get good corn?
        Here's a half-ear of Bixby Merit for ya,

 ha ha

 Shuck off, Corn Boy!

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