Volume 274 - Cos I'm Free

 September 22, 2000

 My good friend Joe Conason has one of his best columns ever,
 wrapping up the disgraceful charade known as "Whitewater."

 Click Here

 You and I know it was really the "Great Clinton Cock Hunt."

 Olympic-size Screw up in Australia

 All week, the men and women have been complaining about the mats.
 "Too hard," they're saying, in dozens of different languages.

 Tonight - a Smir-kulean blunder.

 After most of the women did their vaults,
 and most of them fell flat on their ass,
 someone finally saw the problem and cried out, "The vault is too low."

 They measured it and sure enough - the reason almost every woman
 fell on her ass was the vault was more than two inches too low!

 And if you think two inches isn't that much, try running at top speed,
 then doing a cartwheel onto a springboard to begin your sommersault
 into the thing that's not fucking there!


 Then, after shattering the confidence of each woman, after planting the seed
 in their mind that all is lost, that the gold will go to someone more deserving,
 causing multiple screw-ups on the balance beam, floor exercise and uneven bars,
 they finally adjust the vault to the proper height and and offer each woman
 another chance - the moment is no longer.

 After a dozen years of training, after 40 months of intensive preparation and training
 and adjusting their mental toughness and emotional readiness, to be robbed of it
 all because Gus forgot to measure the height of the goddamn vault is almost as unfair
 as what Smirk did to John McCain concerning his sister's breast cancer.

 These women put much more into this day than they would their wedding days,
 and dozens of dreams were ruined because some idiot didn't do his job.

 What a mess.

 Great GOP Quotes

 "This race is NOT over."
    -- Howard Baker, Choco-Chief of Staff to Reagan's two faces.

 ha ha

 When they start protesting, "It's not over," it's over.

 How Big a Bastard is Tim Russert?
  Let's ask his hometown paper, the Buffalo News

 Not long into the debate, the "Meet the Press" host and Buffalo
 native leveled an astonishingly cheap shot at Hillary Clinton.

 Full True Story  from the Buffalo News page

 Permanant Story

 Today's Page Two Girl

 Click  Here

 Why is Smirk trying to kiss Oprah with his mouth open?
 That's not a kiss, that's a lick!

 Is everything OK with Smirk & Pickle's marriage?
 Does Smirk have a sex problem of some kind?

 ...in addition to his mental and ethics problems?

                       Another Glowing Review of the Martyr's Sominal

            Kinder, Gentler Dr. Laura on TV
           JOHN CARMAN  Tuesday, September 12, 2000

                 I tuned in to the ``Dr. Laura'' TV show yesterday
                 and saw a European prince sliding a diamond garter
                 up the leg of a seductively smiling blonde.

                 Oops, that was ``Guiding Light,'' just ahead of ``Dr.
                 Laura'' on the KPIX (Channel 5) afternoon snack cart.

                 But here was evidence of the Herculean task confronting
                 Laura Schlessinger. Imagine, degenerate men and shameless
                 hussies as her KPIX (Channel 5) lead-in.

                 Schlessinger might want to encourage KPIX to Do the Right Thing
                 -- a major Dr. Lauraism -- and cancel that garbage. Right now.

                 Dr. Laura herself debuted at 3 sharp yesterday afternoon, a couple
                 of hours after a protest in front of the TV station, and she can't
                 be accused of allowing viewers to shirk a challenge.

                 It was a challenge to stay awake.

                 I half expected a guillotine on the set, as homosexuals, faithless husbands,
                 negligent moms and moronic teens -- all the Dr. Laura demons -- were led
                 to their deaths, while she knitted and cackled off to the side.

                 Instead, her first show was something of a mild sedative,
                 a perfectly responsible hour about why teenagers shouldn't do drugs.

                 The rationale might be novel for contemporary TV --
                 ``We are expressly forbidden by God to harm our bodies,
                   which are basically on loan from God to carry our souls through life,''
                 Dr. Laura told the camera -- but the theme was familiar.

                 Oh, gag me with the Pigboy homage, Laura.

                 Schlessinger and her worldly syndicator, Paramount Television,
                 might have settled deliberately on a noncontroversial topic for Day 1.

                 Sexual affairs were held for the second program, this afternoon.

                 The format is a departure from Schlessinger's popular radio show.
                 There wasn't a telephone in sight.

                 ``Dr. Laura'' will be a daily town meeting, with Schlessinger interviewing guests,
                 working the studio audience and finally lecturing viewers.

                 Yesterday, there was a mom who sent her pot-smoking daughter to a Baptist
                  boarding school. Two cops from San Diego. A mom who pressed charges
                 against her pothead son. A guy demonstrating saliva swabs and other
                 devices for drug testing.

                 The show around her felt sleepy -- geez, it could have been Maury Povich
                 --but Schlessinger nevertheless proved that she's a dynamic host.

                 One of her abilities is to cut through the chaff and ask blunt questions.
                 She's a sharp interviewer who can divine the point and get straight to it.

                 I do wish she wouldn't call teenagers ``munchkins,''
                 though. From the statements on their faces, the teens
                 in the studio audience weren't too keen on it, either.

                 Schlessinger ran aground once yesterday, chatting
                 with a 17-year- old drug user named Sharli and a
                 19-year-old ex-user named Anthony.

                 Sharli gave no indication of being a reprobate, and held her own.
                 Wrapping her arm around her, Dr.Laura told Sharli that she'd
                 one day regret smoking pot and having sex.

                 ha ha
                 Don't we all?

                 She wasn't making much headway, though, so
                 Schlessinger ordered Anthony to scold Sharli.

                 Anthony began with a mild reminder that, if she had her priorities in order,
                 Sharli might now be deciding on a college to attend.

                 ``I've already decided,'' Sharli said.

                 Schlessinger soon retreated from that curious exchange and sent the show off
                 to a McDonald's commercial -- followed by several for car loans,
                 vocational colleges, and diet pills.

                 Obviously Dr. Laura was on her very best behavior.  She grabbed hands and arms,
                like Bobby Knight, but she wasn't menacing or buggy about it.

                 No, this was a gentle Dr. Laura, firm on her principles but unwilling
                 to chew her guests' faces.  And that could be a problem.

                 The radio show is a hit because it gives us a churlish
                 Dr. Laura. She's impatient, hectoring, imperious and,
                 I think, often scarily neurotic. We tune in to hear her
                 whup her callers and expose her anger.

                 But the empress was fully clothed in her TV debut.
                 She hardly seemed worth a midday protest.
                 She was just another afternoon yawn.

                 Maybe today.
                 Maybe next week.
                 I won't like this show until I can hear the time bomb tick. ..

                 E-mail John Carman at

 Meanwhile, in Washinton state,

 the "Weasel King" continues to stalk Goerge Nethercutt
 for being a lying weasel when it came to keeping his word.

 ha ha

 Nobody does it like Betty Bowers

 Click  Here

 If you don't know, you should, that Ms. Bowers is doing miraculous work
 converting gay men and women back to the correct lifestyle - to save their souls.

 She runs B.A.S.H. which is Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals
 Gay or straight, you need to check out her work.

 You also should check her Interview with Eminem

 Betty is so good, reading her makes me want to give up writing.

 The Fourteen People Convicted in "Whitewater"

 I didn't mean to ignore all the people who wrote with the list.
 I need to take a course in Time Management.

 We know about
 01 Susan McDougal
 02 Jim McDougal
 03 Jim Guy Tucker and
 04 Web Hubbell.

 None of these convictions were for doing anything that remotely benefitted the
 Clinton's, and Hubbel was in fact convicted of stealing from his Rose Law
 Firm partners, including Hillary.

 The remaining ten convictions that Robert Ray wants us to believe
 made this all worthwhile are as follows:

 These five household names all testified for Starr in the McDougal Tucker trial:

 05 David Hale, the crooked judge.
 06 Robert Palmer - Little Rock appraiser, pled guilty to conspriracy.
 07 Christopher Wade - pled to two felonies.
 08 Steven Smith - pled to a misdemeanor.
 09 Larry Kuca - pled to a misdemeanor.

 These two pled guilty in a case against Tucker involving his cable television business:

 10 John Haley - Little Rock attorney, pled to a misdemeanor
 11 William Marks - pled to a felony

 Two others pled guilty with Hale;

 12 Charles Matthews, two misdemeanors and
 13 Eugene Fitxhugh, one misdemeanor.


 14 Neal T.  Ainley, a former banker, pled to two misdemeanors.  He testified in a case
     ending in a mistrial involving Clinton's 1990 gubernatorial campaign, a case in which
     White House adviser Bruce Lindsey was an unindicted co-conspirator.

 So, it turns out the number 14 WAS accurate, but what have we learned?

 A. The fact that nobody has ever heard of these people speaks volumes.
      I mean, if someone busted nine people you've never heard of and claimed
      they were part of the case against Smirk, wouldn't you ask, "Why?"

 B. Nobody in the offices of Nichols, Inhofe or Largent had a clue.
     Nobody at K-Drag GOP headquarters had a clue.
     Nobody at K-Drag ABC TV affilaiate or KRMG local ABC radio had a clue
     I'm not saying that made them less guilty, but since the whole point of the Cock Hunt
     was to find some dirt on Clinton, what was the point of threatening these 14 people
     with death in prison if they had no connection to him?

 C. ABC Carpet Cleaners of New York had as good a chance as anybody to guess who
     these "co-conspirators" of the Clinton's were.

 D. Remember, I never said the fourteen people didn't exist, I just suspected them of
      being non-existent since they were unknown even to the people (Don Nichols)
      who guaranteed at every press conference that Hillary would be indicted.

 I joined a Church

 Click  Here

 I felt so strongly about it, I paid to join.

 It'd be a good idea to Click  Here

 Fantastic Fergie says

 Get a Leg Up...

Read  bartcop.com  every day!

 Great Hero Quotes

"After they've gathered all of the evidence,
 all the documents they said they couldn't find,
 all the testimony they said they didn't have -
 I answered every question at my trial - they still cannot
 come back as men and say there is no guilt there.
 I believe Kenneth Starr to be a man of no integrity."
   --  my good friend Susan McDougal.

 I took the "World's Smallest Quiz" that's in the Top Political Sites (above)

 Looks like I'm a centrist. But, considering the questions asked,
 almost ANY question could be answered with "it depends."

 Kathleen Willey is ANOTHER woman who's in a cold-sweat panic at the
 thought of having to make it without President Clinton's cock in her life.

 She's hired Larry Klayman to sue the president.
 She's suing for custody of Clinton's cock.

 She can't live without Clinton's cock - none of them can.
 Linda Tripp is another one.
 Paula Jones is another one.
 Gennifer Flowers is another one.
 They're all suing for custody of Clinton's cock.
 Why can't they understand he needs his cock?

 Maybe they should form the Clinton's Cock Recovery program.
 They could do twelve steps - a step for every inch.

 They think life without Clinton's cock just isn't worth living.
 Since Klayman is a Captain in the Cock Hunt Army, she's hired him.
 I'm not sure they're doing the women's movement any favors acting this way.
 They're saying they're nothing without Clinton's cock in their life.
 They can't see a future without Clinton's cock.

 Christ, that's sad.

 Gore now leads Bush by 10 in new Gallup/CNN poll

 The good news.

 The bad news.


 From:  Dave

 Subject: Flynt's Holdup






 Like with all the dirt that people have on Smirk,
 it may not be necessary since he's self-immolating.

 Go figure - Larry Flynt taking the high road :)

 Newest NY poll is in

 The CBS/New York Whore Times says Hillary 48% to Little Ricky's 39%.

 Full, Fun Story

 Of course, Rush will say "that doesn't count."
 He'll call it a, "phony poll."
 He'll say, "polls don't matter until labor day."

 Hey Pigboy - got a calendar?

 ha ha

 Then, he'll say, "Hillary doesn't even have 50%."

 So what's that say when your boy doesn't even get 4 out of 10 votes?

 Hey, Vulgarboy, can you say, "Senator Clinton?"

 From: excallq@yahoo.com

 Subject: X L learns not to drink and drink.

 More specifically, not to drink, then decide you want
 some tequila, when the only tequila in the house is Cuervo Gold.

 Let's start from the beginning.  Me and a few friends all met at one friend's house,
 we'll call him 'Frank' (it's his real name. People who stock Cuervo don't deserve
 to be protected.) for poker.

 The drinks scattered around were Jack Daniels, an excellent single malt scotch,
 and a rather lame "hard lemonade" (7% vodka is hard in the sense that miller lite is)
 I stuck primarily to the scotch.

 After putting a few glasses away, I decided I wanted some tequila.
 All Frank had was Jose Cuervo Especial.
 He said, "No good anyway, I'm out of triple sec."


 ha ha

 Frank may have bad taste, but he wasn't dumb, none of us were going to be driving
 that night.    I said we could get a taxi, but Frank was impatient. At one point, he asked
 "How much is this 'Chicano' stuff, you're always raving about anyway?"

 Chinaco Anejo sadly runs about $45 here, and Frank said,
 "You wanna pay for a cab to go buy a forty-five dollar bottle of tequila? Are you nuts?"
 My debating skills were somewhat impaired, so I nodded.
 Franksaid, "Sit down and stop holding up the game."

 I sat down, still grumbling loudly (and not exactly coherently) about not getting my Chinaco fix.
 I think I may have said something about "Gotta tell Bartcop about this,"
 but I doubt anyone understood me.

 Frank had had enough, and he stood up, grabbed the Cuervo and poured me a shot of it.

 Ediotr's Note: I don't like where this story is going.

 The look I gave him was about the look I'd give someone who peed in a shotglass
 and told me to drink it.  (Pretty similar, in any case).

 At this point, my 'friends' found this all funny, and chanted, 'drink drink drink'.
 Peer pressure firmly in place, I picked up the glass.  The aroma of fermented corn syrup
 reminded of the time a friend gave me a whiff of a triple caramel mochacino from Starbucks.
 The smell alone was enough to make my teeth hurt.

 ha ha

 After finding out that even drunk, no one falls for the "Look over there!" gag,
 I swallowed an ounce ofthat disgustingly sweet Cuervo.
 Everyone else cheered, I resolved to do penance.

 Just the memory alone is turning my stomach.
 Need to  go raid the cabinet for a shot of the good stuff.

 X L

 From:  riskyschemer@hotmail.com

 Subject: Bartcop Caller

 I heard the call.
 Rush said "Who do you think is better looking Hillary or Rick Lazio?"

 The caller said "Hillary," and Limbaugh asked him why he thought so, to which
the caller replied "Because I'm a heterosexual male. Go to bartcop.com."

 Pretty lame.

 First off, is that the best your followers can do?
 If you really wanted to bust on Rush, why not think of something substantive to say,
 or at least funny. You're always complaining that he screens his calls so go undercover.
 Secondly, why do Bartcop fans need to reassure the world that they are heterosexual?


 ha ha

 It must drive you crazy that Rush can't figure out
 why men find Hillary more attractive than Rick the Lick.

 Tell me, who do you think is the more attractive candidate?

 ha ha

 There are some nutsacks in the South, (is that redundant?) who want out.
 Yes, they want out of the United States because the US doesn't recognize slavery.
 They have a petition on-line to help accomplish their goal.

 I'll sign that mother.

 Click  Here  to help the White Power boys get out of America.

 ha ha

 Thanks to JennyQ1@aol.com

 Guaranteed to make you cry

 Click  Here

 Odd Mail


 This is an automated email message to let you know that
 gordon.hill3@ntlworld.com joined your bartcopfans group.


 This is an automated email message to let you know that
 gordon.hill3@ntlworld.com unsubscribed from your bartcopfans group.

 ha ha

 I didn't know there was a bartcopfans group.
 But I know it won't be the same without Gordon...

 I heard an ugly rumor about Smirk.
 As you know, we don't print unsubstatiated rumors here at bartcop.com

 The rumor was that Smirk won't allow black women to wear pants on his plane.
 Sounds outrageous, right?
 That's why I refused to print this scurrillous rumor-mongering charge,
 until I got this photo in today's mail from Ken Taylor.

 So, the ugly rumor is true!

 Condoleezza Rice has to put briefing books on her lap to cover her modesty.
 I think all women's groups should be totally outraged.
 They should protest this neanderthal-type behavior by Smirky the Hitcher.


 Read  Previous Issue

 Go to  bartcop.com

Privacy Policy
. .