Volume 282 - Special K

 September 30, 2000

 Great Republican Quotes

 Smirk is seen as stupid, and Gore is seen as stiff.
 If America has a choice between stiff over stupid,
 they're going to choose stiff every time.
  --  Rich Lowery, forgetting which side he's on, to Howard Kurtz 9/29

 Smirk has publically declared that we need to drill more oil wells
 here in America to offset the "high" prices we pay for oil.

 So, we need to drill here?

 Smirk, we need to drill here?

 Smirk, we need to drill here?

 Smirk, we need to drill here?

 Gee, Smirk, I don't know if America is ready to have Alaska and
 their national parks turned into uninhabitable oil slicks, but keep on
 hammering away at that idea, would you?

 ha ha

 Gore is the candidate of clean air and clean water,
 Smirk is the candidate of  big oil disasters.

 Today's Page Two Girl proves a point.

 Click  Here

 KKK Rally in K-Drag

 Sure was a nice day to hold a Klan rally.
 Either the Klan is really lucky when they pick their dates
 or God is politically more to the right than we think.

 There were cops everywhere.
 This is four blocks from the courthouse.

 Still three blocks away, and the place is lousy with cops.

Two blocks away, and it's cops, cops and more cops.

 One block away, can't see nothing but no people and cop cars.
 Then I saw the sign.
 In the paper it said the K-Drag Country Sheriffs were trying to shed
 their image as a bunch of inner-related good-ol-boys, so they hired
 the slickest printer in town to craft some slick signs to guide people.

 God bless the people of Oklahoma.
 They try, they really do.

 Then, the creepiest moment of the day...
 You see this police sawhorse thing?

 I was walking down the damn street and this thing,
 while it looks like it's made of wood, is really cheap-ass plastic
 and the whole damn thing weighs like 28 ounces.

 As I tried to walk past the damn thing, the wind blew it towards me and it
 stopped on a dime an inch from my belt buckle like some kinda damn Ouija board.
 That shit ain't funny.

 Ever the cool dude, I slowed and waited for it to come to a halt. After it to came to
 a complete stop, I made a move to the left and tried to go around it and I'll be
 goddamned if the son-of-a-bitch didn't move with me, Swear to Koresh.

 First thing I thought of was the furniture flying around in Regan's bedroom,
 so I reminded myself that there is no God, and there is no Devil,
 so I splashed Holy Water on the damn thing and it never moved again.

 The sheriffs had men on horseback, too, just in case Indians attacked.

 Then I met Martin Luther X.

 He saw I was real interested in him so we walked over and axed me,
 "Are you with the KKK?"

 And, answering with what's come to be the most convincing line, I replied,
 "No, I voted for Clinton."

 So MLX showed me some of the signs he'd made for the rally.
 He wasn't kidding around.
 MLX came looking for some Special K.

 "What you been sowin'?" MLX wants to ask the GOP.

   Not sure about this sign...

Here, MLX is serving notice...

I tried to get him to explain this one, but I was distracted by a little Cuban boy.
...wait, a little Cuban boy?

 Click Here to hear MLX explain the social hierarchy that will exist
 once the "true New World Order" establishes itself.

 This lady brought the picture of MLK.
 TV cameras like pictures more than slogans on cardboard.

 The local camera crews will soon be all over this lady.

 I spotted something on the ground that seemed appropriate for the day.

 Then MLX sees me filming the horseshit, so he explains it again.
 Click  Here to hear MLX explain how the above fits in the new social heirarchy.


 Then, I thought I might've seen that little Cuban boy again, because in a
 matter of seconds there were 40 machine guns within hollerin' distance.

 I don't think I've ever been in the presence of that much fire power before,
 unless you count the gunshows they have here every other weekend.
 Once the heavy artillary was in place, the headknockers showed up.

 The headknockers put on a show of force, which isn't all bad...

 Here comes the media whored of cameras.

 All three networks got this lady, and, of course, KRMG,
 the AM station "you can DEPEND ON for news..."

 I quick check to my left shows the snipers to the east.

Got snipers to the west,

 Damn, knowing I'd be frisked, I left my Glock in the car.
 I hope something doesn't happen where someone needs dyin'
 and here I am with nothing but a Sony-TRV85 in my hands...

 When the noon hour approached, this lady held up the picture of MLK,

 ...while the guy behind her played MLK on the boom box.

 Click  Here

 Kinda strange, being at a real-life civil-rights rally, listening to MLK say
 "we should not have to settle for the drug of incrementalism."

 That's some cool shit, Mr. King.
 I'd like to read more of your speeches.

 Suddenly, black helicopters are everywhere.
 I caught the last two that landed inside the Republican perimeter.
 Is this the Head Dragon arriving, like Rush would?

 By now, MLX had his signs strategically anchored in the chain-link.

 The first Republican appears...


 Guarded by four black K-Drag County sheriffs.
 Ain't irony a bitch sometimes?

 Now the others sprinkle out, tentatively...

 Look, it's Smirk's Carolina flag!

 What are the odds Smirk's Carolina flag is the same one the KKK uses?

 No dot.com?

 I guess they didn't have enough uniforms for everyone.
 It says this branch of compassionate conservatism is from Butler, Indiana.
 Isn't that Dan Burton's home town?

 Then the Queen Dragon came out.
 he's the dude all dressed out in green.
 You know what the Queen Dragon's theme song is?
 "I'm Proud to be an American," by Lee Greenwood - same as Smirk!!!

 The same flag?
 The same theme song?
 Is there a any difference at all between the KKK whites-only platform
 and the one endorsed by the Republican Party in Philadelphia this year?
 I wonder, will Gore will get a single KKK vote?

 No, they're all voting for Carolina Smirk!

 When Queenie started talking, the guy with the boom box played the drum solo
 from In-a-Gadda-da-Vida to drown out with the conservative Republican ideas,
 and the 17 liberals in Oklahoma shouted for the republicans to go home.

 Click  Here


 You can't see much in this low-res screen grab, but that dude with the flag looks
 an awful lott like a certain Senate leader wearing a cheap blonde wig...

 Then, just to provoke, Queenie looks at the lady carrying the MLK photo
 and starts screaming, "I have a dream" then starts back in with more Limbaugh
 rhetoric about how tough the white man has it in today's "black man's America."

 MLX wasn't having any of it.

 He got a little vocal, so the fat sheriff with the red hair gave him some shit.
 (The only uniformed cop NOT wearing a name tag, too.)
 Funny, the Republican hate boys can cause 500 sheriffs to work Saturday
 but it's always the black guy who gets hassled for it.

 So Malcolm, ...I mean MLX held up this sign behind the cop's back.

 When you look at the big picture, there's some angry ditto-heads from
 1,000 miles away who came to Knuckledrag, Oklahoma to recruit some hateboys
 because they know Oklahoma elected unqualified, white-power scumbags like
 Jim Inhofe, Don Nickles, Ernest Istook, Uncle OJ (The "J" is for Judas) Watts
 and the religiously insane Jesus Twins, Largent and Coburn to represent us,

 ...so they know the fishin' here is good!

 It's so embarrassing to live in the heart of KKK country - Oooooooo-klahoma
 where you better not be black unless you can handle a football, boy.

 The last Klan rally I went to  had some serious drama to it.

 And, similar to last time, the Klan people and thew Democrats were out-numbered
 by cops working overtime with automatic weapons, horses, riot sticks and shields.

 Why don't they just save the gas money up and buy an hour on cable TV like
 the "No money down" real estate frauds to and been seen by a lot more people?

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