Volume 287 - Daddy's Making Jokes

 October 5, 2000

 Cards won 10-2, spanking Tom Glavine and the Braves.
 In the eighth, McGwire came off the bench with his bum knee, hit a solo home run,
 then limped around the bases while  St Louis went ape-shit.  Next - Saturday in Atlanta.

 Maddux and Glavine, who have combined for six NL Cy Young Awards,
 have given up 12 earned runs in 6 1-3 innings for a 17.05 ERA.

 They're drawing inspiration from their nine appearances in the NL championship series,
 especially from 1996, when they rallied from a 3-1 series against the Cardinals,
 winning the last three games by a combined score of 32-1.
 If the Cardinals win Saturday, it's on to New York.

 As Heard on the Rush Limba Program

 Kevin Cunningham, Koresh bless him, was recording Pigboy when Patrick on
 vacation in Florida called him and said, "Everybody please visit  bartcop.com "

 Click  Here to hear it as a .ram file

 Click  Here  to download this very short MP3.

 Thanks to Patrick for saying it and
 thanks to Kevin Cunningham of cunninghamstrikes.com for taping it.
 If I was Elvis, you'd both have Cadillacs by now.

 It includes this funny, if puzzling, Pigboy Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "You gotta look past this heterosexual stuff, folks..."

 Have you ever seen a show on the E! Network called "Wild On...?"
 Such as "Wild on Las Vegas," or "Wild on The Bahamas."

 The star of that show is our Page Two Girl

 Click  Here  to see Brook Burke

 BTW, I forgot the best line in last night's West Wing.
 In the ER, the nurse asked the president,  "Do you have a medical condition?"

 Bartlet thought about it and replied,  "Well, ...I've been shot..."

 That was good for a huge, hearty laugh because it was so damn tense.

 Coverage of the VP debate wasn't too thrilling.
 To skip it and go right to the next part, Click  Here

 Update 8:06 Tulsa Time

 The new forum won't work.
 It says I can only post every 2 minutes.
 This debate may put us all to sleep,
 but if it gets hot I can't wait 2 minutes,
 so let's just stay here for tonight.

 JoeL just got in a good shot about the partisan GOP estimates.
 Will "Big Time" fight back?

 They each keep acting like they're going to get tough...

 Let's check in with the new forum.

 Click  Here

 I hope JoeL is ready for Bernard Shaw to ask what he'd do if his wife was
 raped, strangled, kidnapped, sodomized, shot, stabbed and every other damn thing.

 I wonder if Big Time will admit Smirk fucked up Bosnia on Tuesday?
 No, there he goes, saying Smirk KNEW what he was doing.

 ha ha

 He'd better be a good debater if he's taking that position.

 8:30  it seems like midnight.

 I'm glad I don't have to write a book report on this dribble.

 There goes Cheney on our "weak military."

 JoeL says Cheney hurts the military lying like that.
 Let's have a fight.
 Cheney can't get excited, his doctor told him he'd stroke out if he does.

 ha ha

 JoeL just said Smirk's military budget was smaller than Gore's
 Cheney's explaining the definition of the word, "volunteer."

 Let's check in with the OLD guestbook - there's life!

 Click  Here

 Wow! I'm impressed.
 Cheney knows who's in charge in Israel.

 Shaw's asking about oil - Big Time gets his first erection.
 JoeL, tell them about Saudi's cheap Chinaco and our expensive Cabo Wabo.

 ha ha

 JoeL attacks "big oil"

 If JoeL is the most honest man in Washington,
 doesn't that mean Cheney is lying every time they disagree?


 Look at these crazy oil prices?
 Besides nationalizing the whole industry, how could you control this?

 I talked to an oil man today.
 He said oil has to be $15 a barrel to break even, and that's if everything works.
 He said when he drilled he got 1 part oil to 15 parts WATER!

 He had to pay for each barrel of water to be put in a water well,
 so his break-even point shot up a lot higher.
 The graph above proves oil is TOO CHEAP most time to justify drilling for it,
 so Clinton's oil policy is that it's too damn cheap to take any other road.

 If you drank fine tequila, it would be easier.
 Their Chinaco is cheaper than our Cabo Wabo.
 Who can argue with that?

 Cheney is saying Smirk can work with Democrats.
 Will JoeL use the McCain hammer on that response?

 From: JennyQ1@aol.com

 Subject: West Wing

 How did they get the Feds to let Tim McVeigh out of prison long enough to
 play his very Dittospankish, Republican self last night on The West Wing

 No, it was Eminem!

 Is it hammer time?

 Big Time! says JoeL

 ha ha

 Uh-Oh, Cheney's joke were both good.

 Boy, that Bernard Shaw is an idiot!

 "You two are black for this next question."
  What a dork!

 Cheney had a better answer than JoeL.
 "I can't imagine being black,"

 ha ha

 How does Bernard Shaw get this gig?
 He's an idiot.

 Sure, Wolf Blitzer is a bigger idiot, but why Shaw?
 Is it a racial thing?  A quota?

 I think Cheney just said gays weren't all bad.
 Can he keep his spot on the ticket with rhetoric like that?

 Cheney's claws come out.
 He's calling JoeL names, now.
 He likes the old JoeL better, he says.

 Closing Statements?
 So soon?

 ha ha

 Maybe there is a God.

 JoeL's closing statement is pretty good.
 If Cheney's is as good ot better, they'll say he won.
 The GOP is so used to loser, inept candidates who can't speak
 that Cheney looks like an actual living-breathing candidate.

 Cheney wants to return our "once great" public schools.
 That sounds expensive as hell.
 What'll is cost, Dick?
 What'll it cost?

 Cheney SAYS Smirk was a good governor.
 I wonder why he never voted for him?

 Debate over, so now the dozens of right-wing TV liars will say Cheney won,
 and the two or three left-wing liars will say JoeL did.

 ABC - Morton Dean says Cheney explained Smirk's plan better than Smirk.
            That's pretty much a given on any subject, right?

 Cheney has that look on his face like he knows they're going to lose.
 I'm glad Cheney didn't wear this face when we fought Iraq.

 CNN - Jean Meserve says "we" wanted a nice, civil debate and we got it.

 I think when you look up "civil" in the dictionary it says, "dull."

 I'm glad it's not Cheney-Smirk, because then they'd say it's OK if the VP is stupid.
 This way, they're stuck with decisionboy being a moron.

 Well, tonight may have been a borefest, but the next debate between President Gore
 and Smirk will be Wednesday, and it'll be much more give-and-take than a format debate.

 That'll be very exciting if Gore can pepper him with, "Answer my question, Forty-Watt!!"

 Pigboy is coming on Hardballs right now.  (10PM CDT)

 Gonna check that out - later

 Hi, my name's Debbie Schlussel and I'm a whore.

 I'm a petty, vengeful little shit, and I'm for sale.
 If you want to read my latest hate-rant, Click  Here

 Thanks, and if you ever need a whore, contact me.

From: vcarfora@cc.ysu.edu

 i had to write . i thought west wing was the best written, best acted tv
 show i have seen in a very , very long time. it's got to win something
 for that show on the emmys. i just kept watching to see if it would miss
 a beat. it never did !!! it was just too good for too long. i knew after
 the first few minutes, i was watching some quality tv. the wife tried to
 talk to me after it started ( she doesn't watch it yet)  and i told her
 whatever it was it had to wait until 11:00 . pissed her off, but hey, i
 felt that strange feeling you get when you just know you shouldn't miss
 something. i called people at work today, just to see if they loved it
 as much as i did. of course it was yes . by the way, if  any debate
 teachers or debate specialists are ever interviewed about the debate i
 gotta find out. i am amazed that people think smirk even close. as for
 the polls , it shows me how stupid i think a lot of people are, i am
 sorry to say.  it was great to read your take on west wing.


 From: vance_everson@yahoo.com


 i've got a question, that i'm not sure about...
 With Joe L. running as both V.P. and Dem Senator from
 Connecticut, if he wins both, can he step down as veep
 to keep the senate seat?

 I realize that as v.p. he's the president of the senate, and
 can cast tie-breaking votes. but, if the november election turns out
 with a 50-50 tie in the senate, counting Joe's seat, his giving up the seat
 would turn it into a 2 vote republican advantage, since connecticut has a
 republican governor,and will likely fill the seat with a republican.

 So, can Joe give up the v.p. job to keep the senate seat?
 would he? and, would it just piss people off if it were to happen?


 Well, I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, but can you keep a secret?
 JoeL doesn't want the job.
 After they win, he'll go back to the Senate and Gore will appoint
 Hillary as his VP and the Democratic congress will confirm her.

 From: (withheld)

 It looks like Slob's through.
 He has 24 hours to turn things around, or he's done.

 Before you start in on your agave nectar, please consider this:
 Our troops are in danger.  The Kosobagarians* feel the Serbs
 are defenseless, and may try to start some shit.
 There are still some Serbodacians** in Bosnialiminable***,
 and we'll have to protect them, too.
 The Monte-Negroes**** may want independence as well.

 The next 72 hours are crucial.
 Things are gonna get pretty scary, but Clinton will get his way.

     *Kosobagarians is a registered trademark of the Smirk Geography Institute.
    **Serbodacians is a registered trademark of the Smirk Geography Institute.
  ***Bosnialiminable is a registered trademark of the Smirk Geography Institute.
****Monte-Negroes is a registered trademark of the Smirk Geography Institute.

 West Wing

 From: onehandle@yahoo.com

 When CJ used the attention the press was giving to the
 three victims to rattle off gun violence statistics of
 the "other victims" that very night, my wife and I had
 never smiled so broadly while tearing up.
 (They didn't have smirk in mind, did they?)

 We teared up a lot last night.  We love CJ!  We love all those guys.
 I'd take a 94% pay cut to work towards putting them in White House.

 Many thanks to NBC for airing both episodes last night.
 Now go all the way and fire Russert.

 Have you seen the anti-smirk commercial Martin Sheen is in for Handgun Control?

 Sabutai called that back in May.
 When I wrote that they should've used rifles for that particular crime,
 Sabutai said the producers were probably making the handgun point.
 That Sabutai is smart - don't ever play Trivial Pursuit with him.
 If you make it to Regis's show, make Sabutai your phone-a-friend

 Cardinals leading 3-2 on a Will Clark homer in the first.
  Cards now leading 9-2, spanking Tom Glavine and the Braves.

 Speaking of people named Glavin...

 Clinton Critic Faces Charges

 ATLANTA ­­ The leader of a conservative legal foundation seeking to have Clinton
 disbarred was charged with public indecency and wanking a police officer..

 An undercover federal officer said he saw Matthew J. Glavin fondling himself on May 17
 on a trail in the Chattahoochee National River Park in Gwinnett County, just east of Atlanta.
 The officer said Glavin also fondled him after the two started talking.
 (Hey, being a wank cop could be a good job for Smirk come November 8th)

 Glavin, 47, resigned Wednesday as president of the Southeastern Legal Foundation,
 also known as the stick-our-noses-in-other-people's-business brigade.

 Atlanta television station WAGA reported it was the second time that Glavin had been
 charged with wanking a police officer. Glavin pleaded no contest to a wanking charge
 in 1996 and was sentenced him to six months' of no wanking and fined $1,000.

 Glavin said he resigned "to protect my family and the foundation."

 The foundation, which Glavin had led since 1994, has fought to abolish Atlanta's affirmative
 action program and sued to have Clinton disbarred for lying under oath in the Paula Jones
 sexual harassment case.

 If you go to http://southeasternlegal.org/  you'll see that the Jack-Off King
 wants you to sign a petition to put cameras in the Clinton-disbarment courtroom.

 Hey, asshole!
 We need a camera following your self-stroking ass to keep you from wanking every cop you see, pervert!

 They have a section to donate money, so I "donated" $1000.
 When you donate, you get to make a comment, so I told them
 "Tell your masturbating director to go fuck himself."

 I think everyone should go to that website and make
 whatever comments you think are appropriate.

 An excellent rant by Christian Mitchell, film director.

 Click  Here

 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 Today's Zogby poll further proves that Al Gore not only won the debate,
 but is consolidating his lead.  Gore leads by six, 46 - 40.

 Tonight's VP debate should be terrific.
 Unlike George W. Bush, Dick Cheney is clearly bright.
 That's the good news for the  Repubs.  The bad news is that -- also unlike Bush -- Cheney can
 come off as a bitter, cranky old man.  Joe Lieberman, on the other hand, is the complete package:
 smart, funny and highly principled.  Expect Cheney to further his image as a hatchet man.

 Bush's gun laws are so lax you can actually get a license to carry a gun in church -- and
 everywhere else -- after just ten hours of "training."  Ten hours!  To get a license to be a
 cosmetologist you must received 150 hours of training.

 Hmmmm...ten hours to carry a .45,
 150 hours to carry a curling iron.
 That's Bush Logic for you.

 ha ha

 From: alfredlias@yahoo.com

 Hey BC:

 First, a belated thanks for turning me on to West Wing.
 I've always been a Law & Order fan, but I had a
 Wednesday nite class last fall, so I wouldn't have
 even stumbled onto it accidentally. Needless to say,
 after the first time, I was hooked. I agree totally
 with your assessment. I would include the airport
 sequence where Josh was going to bury his father,
 particularly the scene where Bartlett asked if Josh
 wanted him to come with.

 (sidebar: am I the only guy who gets a little teary at least once per show?)

 In case you publish this and there are any "macho" men
 out there who ridicule men crying or showing emotion,
 Rulon Gardner was crying on Leno last night. Maybe the
 tough guys would like to measure themselves against
 him - how about a wrestling match? And, of course,
 Smirk will be crying a river on 11/8, if not before if
 Larry Flynt comes through.

 Finally, I've always wondered why you thought Sopranos
 was so good. No, I've never seen it, but a cardinal
 rule of good fiction writing is to have sympathetic
 characters. Since the people who usually care what
 happens to psychotic, sociopathic liars, cheats,
 thugs, and murderers are Republicans, your high
 regards have me baffled.

 Keep up the good work, and thanks again.

 Al, good question about The Sopranos.
 Here's what you should do:
 Starting pretty soon, (I'll remind everyone) HBO will run the shows
 from the first year, then the shows from the second year, then they
 will start with new shows in March.

 If you watch, you will be hopelessly addicted.
 It's a damn good show.
 Until last night, it was the best show on TV.

 From: stewarca@muohio.edu


 I'm sorry, but this "fuzzy math" chant that Smirk has his minions chanting
 is making me lose my normally level-headed cool.

 Since when are Americans so proud at being bad at math?
 Koresh, when a large amount of the country can't follow Gore when he
 uses ratios like 1:3 and 1:5, it just redefines my shameful opinion that most
 of Smirkzilla's supporters never finished high school.

 I mean, Gore even used HAND SIGNS to make it clear.
 How on Earth can any self-respecting " 'Marricun " applaud
 such a weak response as 'fuzzy math'?!

 Do you remember the classic SNL segment where Chevy Chase (as Ford)
 is asked to reconcile several budget numbers? After looking pleasantly at the
 "moderator" for the entire question, Chase responds:

 "It was my understanding that there would be no math".

 Ironic that a punchline like that is more honest than Smirk's reaction.
 What a dink.

 ha ha

 That may've been the last funny thing Chevy Chase did, but it was damn funny.
 That was 24 years ago.

 You've heard of sweater puppies?

 Click  Here

 From: DDThinkFree@aol.com


 Before tonight, I had never seen a single episode of the West Wing.
 I was missing out on some of the greatest television ever created.

 West Wing

 From: mkonieczki@rslusa.com


 My jaw DROPPED last night! No way did I think the Pres. gets shot.
 And Josh going down, man was that a twist. I thought for sure that agent chic
 was dead. I guess they are setting her up to either get fired for incompetence
 or quit because she is so upset that she didn't remember the signal guy or
 recognize the signs sooner, etc. I loved the Toby/CJ meeting at her house.

 The conversation about the pay difference was great! I like Josh the most,
 but Toby's dialogue and deadpan delivery are the best I've seen.
 He DESERVED the Emmy. He isn't one of those people that have been on
 TV for 60 years so the give him the award because they feel sorry for him.
 I haven't been to the site yet, but I hope you have a few comments on the show.
 Oh yeah, they should make they show 2 hours EVERY week.
 That was the fastest 2 hours on TV.


 Mike, good note.
 That reminds me, remember when Toby discovered Josh was shot?
 He tried to yell, but hardly anything came out.

 That's another one of those just-like-real-life things that makes this show so good.

 The Reagan Memorial

 The Republicans are really hot to build a memorial to the old fool.
 How can they even consider that, when Bush had to pardon his aides
 and sacrifice his second term just to hide Reagan's crimes?
 Because of that, there was no truth, there was no trial, so we'll
 never know the extent of the crimes Reagan authorized.

 If they want a memorial, I think I can make it happen.

 After Hillary wins, we give Harold Ickes, ...Oh, ...I dunno, let's say we
 give him $52,000,000 and the same subpoena power Hardon Kenneth had
 and just ONE year to do some digging, and after Ickes files his report
 on January 1, 2002, we put the Reagan Memorial to a national vote.

 If America still thinks Reagan deserves a memorial after we hear the truth,
 I would give it my blessing and not complain about it.

 I just heard from two old friends, Lynne Stockell and Rich Grayson.
 I think they met thru the Pigboy BB on Prodigy and got married.
 They sent me a link to Tommy's Tequila bar in San Francisco.


 Tommy has his tequila list online, and it includes this:

 Chinaco Añjeo Black Label
 (Rarest Tequila on Earth, Of Course Available @ Tommy's)

 Swear to Koresh, if I was still getting my ADM money,
 I'd be on a plane to San Francisco this damn weekend.

 But nooooooooooooo.
 What's that they say about, "All good things...?"

 If anyone reading this is near San Francisco, could you go to Tommy's
 and do a shot of regular Chinaco Anejo and then the super-rare Black Label?
 I've never even heard of the Black label before.

 Lynne and Rich, thanks for the note.

 This was mailed to me from Austin,
 and I'm NOT going to call the FBI.

 Oktober 4 20000

 Deer Dairy,

 well, carl tol me that i one the rebate last nite and
 reely kick algores but and he said i did reel good
 remmmbeing my lines and i dont like it when pats me on
 hed after wards.  carl and carin say i should try to
 do beter nest time and say the lines beter but that
 algore is reel smart carl says hes smarter than me but
 i dont think so i went to yal n all.  i dont like it
 wen carl calls me dufus but dad says hes the best so i
 cant complane  i dont like it wen carl talks bout
 nummers and such they give me a hedake and that algore
 is so smart he uses all that fussy math stuff and
 hurts my braine  i dont like that jim lare guy hes a
 majer leeg asshol and dick say he was for sure.  there
 goes carl again tellin me to use perods in my senences
 but i dont like to cause they brake my trane of thout
 and i dont like this here spel cheker stuff it makes
 all these red and green squigggles but carl says it
 make me a beter speler so i beter keep it on though i
 hate the squipples maybe i ask algore how to turn it
 off he nose the comuters and all.  my dad say i did
 good job and i will get more money from the sukers but
 i dont no who he is talking about.  there put perod in
 senenc so carl wont be mad.  i have to rememer to
 thank bob dol about his tip  he say i should wear
 depends in case i pee myself on stage and it worked
 they hold at leas a galan.  anyway i have to go to the
 nest thing they want me to do and make mor money
 from the sukers

 When was the last time you went to confession?

 I have a picture of the angelic Tanya Roberts sucking on a Popsicle
 that will surely cause you to need to confess the sin of looking.

 Don't  Click  Here  unless you really want to.

 Daddy's making jokes.

 Good ones?


 I'm pretty sure last night's West Wing was the greatest TV show I've ever seen.
 If you had the good fortune to see it, you probably agree.

 From the first seconds, it was an A plus all the way.
 I hate to be fickle, but last night West Wing went from being the best show
 on free TV to being the best show - period. The Sopranos will to have to be
 incredibly good to re-claim the title, "Best show on television."

 In the limo, the president asked the secret service agent about his hand.
 As soon as he was reminded that he was hurt, the agent re-booted and asked
 himself what Priority One was. Have you ever seen a more dramatic scene
 than when he was rubbing the president's body, checking for blood?

 And the head nurse in the Emergency Room...
 The second she realized it wasn't a drill, she mouthed the words, "Oh, shit!"
 The ER scenes were so much more intense than anything we've seen on
 that Thursday night hospital show in a long, long time.

 "I need to talk to Leo before I get anesthesia."
 We all knew what that was about.

 Stockard Channing owned every scene she was in, too.
 "There are only 15 people in the world who know this, you're going to be the 16th.
  The press - what they know, what they don't know, will be up to you."

 I loved the way the others found out, too.
 Did you see them drag Otter out of the room?
 He had that "What the fuck?" look on his face that Smirk wears a lot.
 He knew right away something hueueueueuge was up.
 And Mrs. Landingham can be all business when she needs to be.
 But Donna getting the news about Josh was the best.

 First, she looked extra bad, I assume that was intentional, like she ran out of the
 house without make-up. When they told her Josh had been hit, she said, "With what?"
 That's just the kind of stupid thing people say in real life when shit happens.
 It took several sentences for her to understand what was going on.

 Having Josh flash back to the primaries was a good trick.
 Each of the mini-stories was - I hate to keep using the word - great.
 Sam was a corporate guy, dancing for whitey.
 When Josh showed up to rescue him, he was soooo happy to get away.
 When Toby met with CJ, and she fell into the pool?

 ha ha

 "How much does the job pay?"

 "How much are you making now?"

 "I make $550,000 a year."

 "It pays 600 a week."

 "So, ...it's a cut in pay..."


 ha ha

 Didn't you like the part when candidate Bartlet told the milk farmers
 he didn't mean to hurt them, and it was OK if they voted for the other guy?
 That's what convinced Josh he was making the right move.

  Back in real time, Iraq started getting froggy, and Leo gave Saddam a cold,
 "Don't mess with us tonight," reminding me of my favorite West Wing line ever,
 "If Fitzwallace has to call that boy's parents,
  I swear to God we're invading Baghdad."

 I've never been a big Timothy Busfield fan, but he's like Stockard Channing.
 When he's on-screen, he's riveting. Sorkin has his role defined perfectly.

 Then we have the West Virginia White Pride, obviously Republicans.
 I wonder if that shithead Robert Byrd is a member?
 Charlie was crushed to learn all this happened because of him.
 Dule Hill is one of those people who can act without words.

 A shot of Chinaco to everyone involved.
 It's extremely rare that I can't find anything to complain about.
 I'm looking forward to watching it again.

 If you saw West Wing, tell me what you thought about it.
 If you saw it and disagree with my review, I'd really like to hear from you.

 One other thing, we watched that very awful Titans, too.
 It's the opposite of West Wing, possibly the worst show on TV.
 NOBODY on that show can act - and the women aren't even pretty.

 The writing is shit, the acting is shit, the whole show is shit.
 I've seen better-developed characters on Super-Friends.
 However it had one redeeming quality, can you guess?
 Last night, there was a scene in a bar. The girl had a drink, and the guy
 was doing shots of something. She kissed him, and he asked,
 "Was that really a kiss, or were you just wanting to taste my tequila?"

 The girl licked her lips and said, "That's house tequila - I prefer premium."

 ha ha

 Mr Spelling, if you put that scene in there so I'd give you a good review - it didn't work.
 Titans is worse than Albertson's tequila, made even more painfully obvious because
 it's the cartoon warm-up for the great Chinaco Anejo that follows.

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