Volume 290 - Wreckless

 October 8, 2000

 Celebrity Mail

 From: Betty Bowers  bettybowers@mindspring.com

 Subject: Do you have pornography in your home?

 Dear Bartcop:

 As you are fond of  hearing the Lord's inerrant Word, I thought you might be
 interested in seeing what I just came across as I was redacting our family Bible
 to make it suitable for our children's reading:

 "There she lusted after her lovers,
   whose genitals were like those of donkeys
   and whose emission was like that of  horses."
         - Ezekiel 23:20

 It is because of the Lord's apparent fondness for pornography that I have
 concluded that the Bible is simply too smutty for a Christian home.

 So close to Jesus,
 He's seen me without make-up (once),


 ha ha

 Ediotr's note:
 Click  Here for Solid Gold Proof
 Just put in Ezekiel 23:20 in the New International Version

 Betty, you're the best.
 Koresh bless you each and every way.

 From:  JennyQ1@aol.com

 Subject:   New debate-judging rules


 Let me see if I have the new standards for pundits judging debates correct:

 Rule #1:  The debate must be called a TIE.  This, not objectivity, is the new
 definition of "balance" in the media.  You must contort your view of the
 debate as much as necessary to ensure a "tie".

 In the Gore/Bush debate, here are the criteria which will ensure the necessary tie:

 1.  Lower the bar of knowledge and articulation for Bush to 1/50th the
 height of that for Gore.

 2.  Focus on facial gestures.  We shall judge disagreement to be
 "condescension" which we shall judge  to be "bad".  We shall judge
 bewilderment and confusion to be "good", in order to reach our goal of
 a "tie" for Bush.

 3.  Focus on attitude.  We shall judge a confident attitude as "bad" since
 Gore displayed one, and defensiveness and weakness as "good" since Bush
 displayed those - so as to ensure our necessary "balance-tie".

 4.  For the purposes of guaranteeing our Bush-tie-balance, we shall now
 define someone with a command of the issues as being a "know-it-all", while
 someone who bumbles through the questions as being "approachable and likable".

 5.  Finally - after the debate, focus the discussion on which FEMA officials
 accompanied Gore to a site and whether it was the same one he named in trying
 to compliment Bush, since to focus on the substance of the issues would screw
 up our "tie" formula in favor of Gore.  We can't do that, or we'll be "unbalanced".

 Today's Page Two Girl is from New Zealand

 Click  Here

 Great Smirk Quotes

 "It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil.
  More and more of our imports come from overseas."
    --George DubYa in Beaverton, Oregon, 9/25/00

 Thanks to voltai29@geocities.com

 When was the last time you did a good deed?

 Help save a dog's life.

 Click  Here

 Catherine Zeta Jones says

 Get a leg up...

  Read  bartcop.com  every day

 Begala Shoots Rove's Bull
  on Meet the Whore with Tim the Cock-hunter

 Begala is damn good.
 He needs a liiiiiiittle bit more BartCop sarcasm in his debate posture,
 but maybe they wouldn't let him on the air if he had my table manners.

 This morning, Begala was on with Brain-of-Smirk, Karl Rove.
 Here's how it went:

 Rove: Gore lied about visiting Texas with James Lee Witt to inspect the fires
            and he lied about the cost of Gore's mother-in-law's prescription drugs.

 Begala: Those are trivial matters at best. Let's talk about the lies Bush told about
               serving in the National Guard in Alabama. He avoided never even showed up.

 Rove:  There ares LOTS of people who say Bush was there for duty.

 Begala:  Name one.

 Rove: Paul, You might've played Bush in Gore's debate prep,
            but you're not doing a good job of giving Bush's side on things.

 Begala: Just name someone who saw Bush on duty in Alabama.

 Rove: Oh, sure, he we go with Begala's famous debate tricks.

 Begala: I just want you to name one person.

 Rove: The truth is, all thru this campaign...

 Begala: Can you name one person?

 Rove: Stop interrupting me, I didn't interrupt you.

 Begala:  Name one!

 Rove: Tim, make him stop!
            Paul is bullying me!
            It's not fair.

 Russert: Let's change the subject.

 Change the subject?
 Change the subject?
 Why, Tim?
 Why would you want to change the subject?

 So Rove doesn't have to answer a very simple question?
 So you can save Smirk's sinking campaign?

 A candidate who deserted his military post during wartime
 isn't worth one more minute of  Tim the Cock-hunter's time?
 What happened to Tim the Pit Bull?
 Does General Electric want Smirk to win this election?

 I could play you the clip, but all you'd hear is Begala saying, "Name one," while Rove
 insists there are many, many people dying to come forward to exonerate Pvt. Slovik.

 "Name one," Begala repeats, while Rove continues yammering.

 "Name one," Begala insisted, over and over.

 So what does Tim the Whore do?
 He changes the subject, so Rove wouldn't be forced to admit the party who hates Clinton
 for protesting an immoral war has nominated a fucking wartime deserter
 to lead this country because the party owed his Daddy a favor.
 Poor Tim Russert - he still has Clinton's cock-on-the-brain.

 Thanks to Gonzo Dave at AMPOL for the graphic

 He can't think anymore.
 His brain has been completely destroyed by Clinton's cock!

 If that question had been about Clinton's cock, Russert would've called NBC
 in New York and told him he needed ten more minutes of air time to get to the
 bottom of this "extremely important constitutional question."  But since this is
 only the nomination of a lying, military deserter, Tim lets Smirk off the hook.

 For some reason, maybe revenge on Clinton, Russert no longer wants to get
 to the bottom of a controvery. He no longer digs for the truth in political matters
 because if the truth won't get him closer to Clinton's cock, he's not interested.

 Suddenly, it's Tim the Whore's job to PROTECT SMIRK AT ALL COSTS.
 The media is forced to prop-up the idiot Smirk to pretend there's still a race, here.

 Rove couldn't answer that question for the same reason Clinton couldn't answer
 Monica questions - because he was guilty!  Obviously, appearing guilty is a
 better road for candidate Smirk to take than confirming guilt. Tim the Pit Bull
 STILL can't let go of Clinton's cock, yet he sees no reason to say,
 "Mr Rove, can you answer paul's question and name one person?"

 Russert - you are a whore.

 It will be interesting to eventually see this exchange in the Meet the Whore transcripts.
 How many of the "Name one," urgings will make it into print?


 As the weeks go by, NBC will offer the transcript, that is, unless Suzie's boyfriend
 didn't invite her to the prom, in which case the NBC news division transcripts will
 grind to a halt because they don't want to pay another high school girl the $5.50
 it would take to transcribe Meet the Whore in the same news cycle so reporters
 might use a quote for their pieces on Monday.

 Funny, here at  bartcop.com  we can have our commentrary posted an hour after the
 lying cock-hunter goes off the air, but billion-dollar, international conglomerate NBC
 needs days of lag time before they can post a transcript.

  New Feature

 Great Biblical Moments
  from Betty Bowers

 >The people of Samaria must bear their guilt,
 >because they have rebelled against their God.

 >They will fall by the sword; their little ones will be dashed to the ground,
 >their pregnant women ripped open.

 Hosea 13:16

 Isn't the Bible a good book for children to read?

 Poor Smirk...

Will he ever find his way out of the woods?

 Great Republican Quotes

 "What the polls are showing is the native good sense of the American people."
    -- George Will, more wrong than Chippy the Chimp, on This Weak

 George, I dare you to repeat that sentence November 8th.
 Will you have that courage?

 No, on the eighth you'll be spinning the most dishonest horseshit of your career.
 On the eighth you'll say the idiot voters were bamboozled by the lies
 of a clever charlatan and any other goddamn lie you're fed by the RNC.

 Show some courage, George.
 Show us you're smarter than Chippy - just once.

 Aging Rockers

 I think it was Friday night, PBS presented a Four Tops concert.
 I'm so old, I remember the late sixties when the Four Tops were tearing up
 the charts with not only soul songs, but hard-rocking songs like,

 I'll Be There,
 Can't Help Myself,
 Seven Rooms of Gloom,
 Standing in the Shadows of Love, and others.

 The Four Tops is the kind of yesterday's group I'd pay real money to see
 in a place like Las Vegas, or, that's what I would've said until Friday night.

 Koresh, what a mess that concert was.
 First of all, I've never mized the sound for a band, but I know there's a slide
 named "drums," and one named, "horns," and one named, "guitar."

 But let's show some of that famous BartCop generosity and say that a bad
 sound mix is something that could happen to anyone, even tho this concert
 was taped and they had weeks, months or years to fix the problem.

 Second, we all get old. I can blame Levi and the gang for aging, but if one was
 trying to, let's say low-key the aging thing, why would a black man want to wear a
 C. Everette Koop-style white beard?  It made him look like Col. Sanders.
 Levi - lose the shiny white beard, trust me.

 Third - and this always pisses me off - in some lame-ass, misguided effort to
 get the crowd involved and on their feet, Levi kept insisting the people sing.
 Levi would sing a line, then hold the microphone out for the crwod to sing
 the next line, then Levi would sing a line, then it was thw crowd's turn again.

 To make things worse, (why do they always make things worse?) he started
 berating the crowd for not being involved enough, not singing more.
 "You can do better than that," he kept insisting.
 "C'mon, let me hear you. You can do better!"

 Hey, Levi, for $55 a ticket, why don't YOU fucking sing.
 I don't want to pay $110 just to hear the white moron next to me sing off-key.
 It'd be real nice if the people on the stage, the people being paid, did the singing,
 and let Melvin from fucking Shreveport watch and listen instead of shattering
 my ear drums with his version of The Four Tops greatest hits, Jesus Christ!

 Lastly, and this is another one that was 100 percent in their control:
 The show lasted an hour, and for the first fifty minutes, they played songs I've never
 even heard of.  I'm not a Four Tops expert, but if I've never heard of these songs
 I'll bet a hundred dollars most of the audience hadn't heard of them, either.

 Those songs I named?
 They were all chopped-up and crammed into a last-minute medley.
 Yeah, go figure.

 The goddamn songs these people paid REAL MONEY to hear you guys sing
 got shoe-horned into the very end like you guys ran out of time or something.
 Hey, if you're tired of singing 30 year-old songs, fucking retire!

 After 50 minutes of, "What the hell is this song?" I keep looking at my watch
 wondering if this is a two-hour show, and we're looking at a killer final 60 minutes,
 but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

 Once the show is 90 percent over with, then you pull out the big guns,
 singing one verse from each and then giving us a quick, "Good Night!"

 Levi, you hosed your fans.
 How do you think you can get away with that?

 And before you, the reader, say, "But BartCop, they're still in show business,
 so they must be doing something to please the fans, right?"

 As old as I am, this is the first time I've ever seen a Four Tops concert.
 Oh, sure, they might've been on Ed Sullivan or something decades ago,
 but where have they been since 1970? I'll tell you where. They've been hiding
 in clubs, screwing 300-500 people at a time so word wouldn't get out.

 Maybe now, they've pissed off so many people around the country that they decided
 to go ahead and shoot their collective wads one last time on PBS to promote this
 last tape of disappointing, never-heard-of songs with a five-minute burst of
 something we recognize at the very end.

 Levi, you hosed your fans.
 I used to be one.

 Oh, well, I can go to Napster and download the REAL songs for free.

 (Goofy is a critic I invited to write a piece)

 From: goofy@z.com

 Subject: The debates

 On the prez debates, I really think nobody won.  I know that the
 conventional thinking was that if GW finished with a pulse, then he
 was going to be a winner.  It was a disappointing event in every way.
 Jim Lehrer let Algore bully him into extending almost every monologue
 he departed on, GW looked like a deer in the headlights half the time,
 Al sounded like he was trying to get over a combination of sinusitis,
 emphysema and constipation simultaneously.

 ha ha - good line

 From a factual standpoint, it all depends on what point you're
 standing upon.  I'm really disappointed that GW didn't earslap Al
 about his repeated whining about the tax cut going to people
 who "don't need it."  And that's the major problem I have with
 the Dems in general, and Al/Joe in particular.  There is no problem too
 large or small for the federal government not to get involved in.  If
 we take a step back to the basic purpose of the federal government,
 it's grown beyond any reasonable need.

 Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Not the achievement of
 happiness, just the unshackling of the individual to pursue it.

 Anyway, the debate.  No winners, only losers.
 Especially the guy who had to clean all the phlegm off Al's microphone.


 I liked your "deer in the headlights" line, too.
 That's what I think most people saw.
 Did you see the SNL skit on the debates?

 They showed Gore hammering Bush with facts, and Bush just stood there
 looking confused, then responded with his "That was fuzzy math" quip.
 Even so, Bush is a lot better than he was a year ago when me met him.
 It's my opinion Bush might've been a good candidate in 2004,
 but somehow he got pushed to the front of the line.

 Sidebar: have you read my Big Story?  (It's very short)
 I'd be interested in your thoughts.
 Maybe you don't buy the "big story," but it explains a lot.

 But I'm mostly interested in your "big government" position.

 Would you let me ask you some quick, yes-no questions?

 1. Concerning abortion, would you like more or less government?
 2. Concerning euthanasia, would you like more or less government?
 3. Concerning school prayer, would you like more or less government?
 4. Concerning consorship, would you like more or less government?
 5. Concerning flag-burning, would you like more or less government?
 6. Concerning "English only," would you like more or less government?

 It's my guess, if you're a "regular" Republican, you want the government
 to be MORE intrusive in those areas, yet you say you want less government.
 Can you explain?

 Would it not be more accurate to say we both want government to control
 certain aspects of life, we just disagree on what those controls should be?

 The right likes to say they want less government, but they cheer big government
 forcing itself onto families in situations #1, #2, and #3. To me, those are the
 three areas where government should never intrude on our freedoms.

 Your thoughts?

 How to Get on Rush's Show

 Click  Here

 From:  sniper@cei.net

 Subject: OK-Texas

 Look what they said over on ESPN:

 The Longhorns ran for a school-record-low minus-7 yards and
 allowed 534 yards, the most the Sooners have ever gained against them.

 Texas players were confused from the start. Offensive and defensive
 linemen stood before every snap and pointed at Sooners to figure out
 who they were supposed to block -- yet they still didn't do a very good job of it.

 Plain Talkin' Smirk

 Lehrer: Mr. Vice President, is it true that if you are elected,
              you will only appoint judges who agree with you on Roe vs. Wade?

 Gore:   Yes, that is true.

 Lehrer: Governor Bush, is it true that if you are elected,
               you will only appoint judges who agree with you on Roe vs Wade?

 Smirk: I have always been a leader. Look, Carl, my record is clear. I have been the
             chief executor of the largest of the lower fifty states. I do not think a litmus test
             is warranted because I plan to work with both sides of the aisle, which includes
             Democrats and Republicans, (smirk) and of course the abortion question is one
             on which disagree can good people.  I'm asking you to look into my heart.

 Lehrer: So, ..your answer to the abortion question is ...what?

 Smirk: Carl, you already asked me that, (chuckles)

 Lehrer: My name is Jim.

 ha ha

 Rush: Of course Bush won that debate. Sure, the liberal dominant media culture is siding
           with their willing accompliaces in the Gore camp about who was stupid and who
           looked more natural, that's why you don't need to watch the weekend shows,
           you should only listen to the truth, that's me, the Turnpike of Truth.

 A Trip to Hoseville

 From: logic@skantech.com

 Subject: Fwd: Do We Really Need Another Pathological Liar For President?

 Man this pissed me off!!!

 Bart, do you have rebuttals to these?
 Any of them at all?

 Apparently Bush's "eCampaign" is going into full throttle as
 I've received this from about 4 different ditto-monkeys.



 ha ha

 At least they had the brains to not label this, "The Gore Body Count."
 This crude attempt at horseshit was done by the same people.
 This pack of lies and horseshit is so fake and phoney on it's face,
 it would be a mistake to dignify it with a response.

 Tell you what, let's do it this way:
 First, read the "Gore Body Count."

 Click  Here

 The first thing you should always do when faced with a barrage of
 GOP horseshit like this is assume they're lying because they always are.

 The fact they they list "Gore invented the Internet" tell you all you need to know.
 Reminding everyone that I'm not a lawyer, there's a phrase they use in trials:
 "Objection - Assumes facts not in evidence."

 Almost everything on that list is pure horseshit.
 I can say, "Reagan admitted sodomizing nine schoolboys in 1966," but until I provide
 proof that he admitted the sodomy, I'm just a wild-ass ditto-monkey with a claim.

 After you read the long list, they offer another long list of primary URL's that's about
 as helpful as a fucking pirate's map with an "X" for where the treasure is buried.

 If, after every wild-ass assertion, they listed the EXACT URL where we could verify
 where TIME or Newsweek or Gore's staff - somebody - could be held accountable
 for these wild-ass assertions, they might begin to hold water.

 Is there any Republican out there that would stand behind these "facts?"
 If there is, I'll go thru each one, word by word for the "sponsor."

 So this is a challenge to the conservatives out there who think Gore should be held
 accountable for his "pathological" lying. Already today, we've seen a discussion between
 Paul Begala and Karl Rove about the difference between an exaggeration during a
 campaign and a refusal to answer a very simple question, "Name One," that concerns
 a very serious matter such as a possible president deserting the military during wartime.

 If any conservatives out there want their ass handed to them, call my bluff.
 Tell me those questions are legit, and we'll go thru each one.

 A picture of Kate Hudson, for no reason.

 Read  Previous Issue

 Go to  bartcop.com

Privacy Policy
. .