Celebrity Mail
From: Betty Bowers bettybowers@mindspring.com
Subject: Do you have pornography in your home?
Dear Bartcop:
As you are fond of hearing the Lord's
inerrant Word, I thought you might be
interested in seeing what I just came across
as I was redacting our family Bible
to make it suitable for our children's
reading:
"There she lusted after her lovers,
whose genitals were like those
of donkeys
and whose emission was like that
of horses."
- Ezekiel 23:20
It is because of the Lord's apparent fondness
for pornography that I have
concluded that the Bible is simply too
smutty for a Christian home.
So close to Jesus,
He's seen me without make-up (once),
Betty
ha ha
Ediotr's note:
Click Here
for Solid Gold Proof
Just put in Ezekiel 23:20 in the New International Version
Betty, you're the best.
Koresh bless you each and every way.
From: JennyQ1@aol.com
Subject: New debate-judging rules
Bartcop:
Let me see if I have the new standards for pundits judging debates correct:
Rule #1: The debate must be called a TIE. This, not
objectivity, is the new
definition of "balance" in the media. You must contort
your view of the
debate as much as necessary to ensure a "tie".
In the Gore/Bush debate, here are the criteria which will ensure the necessary tie:
1. Lower the bar of knowledge and articulation for Bush
to 1/50th the
height of that for Gore.
2. Focus on facial gestures. We shall judge disagreement
to be
"condescension" which we shall judge to be "bad".
We shall judge
bewilderment and confusion to be "good", in order to reach our
goal of
a "tie" for Bush.
3. Focus on attitude. We shall judge a confident attitude
as "bad" since
Gore displayed one, and defensiveness and weakness as "good"
since Bush
displayed those - so as to ensure our necessary "balance-tie".
4. For the purposes of guaranteeing our Bush-tie-balance,
we shall now
define someone with a command of the issues as being a "know-it-all",
while
someone who bumbles through the questions as being "approachable
and likable".
5. Finally - after the debate, focus the discussion on which
FEMA officials
accompanied Gore to a site and whether it was the same one he
named in trying
to compliment Bush, since to focus on the substance of the issues
would screw
up our "tie" formula in favor of Gore. We can't do that,
or we'll be "unbalanced".
Today's Page Two Girl is from New Zealand
Great Smirk Quotes
"It is clear our nation is reliant upon
big foreign oil.
More and more of our imports come from
overseas."
--George DubYa in Beaverton, Oregon, 9/25/00
Thanks to voltai29@geocities.com
When was the last time you did a good deed?
Help save a dog's life.
Catherine Zeta Jones says
Get a leg up...
Read bartcop.com every day
Begala Shoots Rove's Bull
on Meet the Whore with Tim the Cock-hunter
Begala is damn good.
He needs a liiiiiiittle bit more BartCop sarcasm in his
debate posture,
but maybe they wouldn't let him on the air if he had my table
manners.
This morning, Begala was on with Brain-of-Smirk, Karl Rove.
Here's how it went:
Rove: Gore lied about visiting Texas
with James Lee Witt to inspect the fires
and he lied about the cost of Gore's mother-in-law's prescription drugs.
Begala: Those are trivial matters
at best. Let's talk about the lies Bush told about
serving in the National Guard in Alabama. He avoided never even showed
up.
Rove: There ares LOTS of people who say Bush was there for duty.
Begala: Name one.
Rove: Paul, You might've played Bush
in Gore's debate prep,
but you're not doing a good job of giving Bush's side on things.
Begala: Just name someone who saw Bush on duty in Alabama.
Rove: Oh, sure, he we go with Begala's famous debate tricks.
Begala: I just want you to name one person.
Rove: The truth is, all thru this campaign...
Begala: Can you name one person?
Rove: Stop interrupting me, I didn't interrupt you.
Begala: Name one!
Rove: Tim, make him stop!
Paul is bullying me!
It's not fair.
Wahhhhhhhhh!!.
Russert: Let's change the subject.
What?
Change the subject?
Change the subject?
Why, Tim?
Why would you want to change the subject?
So Rove doesn't have to answer a very simple question?
So you can save Smirk's sinking campaign?
A candidate who deserted his military post during wartime
isn't worth one more minute of Tim the Cock-hunter's time?
What happened to Tim the Pit Bull?
Does General Electric want Smirk to win this election?
I could play you the clip, but all you'd hear is Begala saying,
"Name one," while Rove
insists there are many, many people dying to come forward to
exonerate Pvt. Slovik.
"Name one," Begala repeats, while Rove continues yammering.
"Name one," Begala insisted, over and over.
So what does Tim the Whore do?
He changes the subject, so Rove wouldn't be forced to admit the
party who hates Clinton
for protesting an immoral war has nominated a fucking
wartime
deserter
to lead this country because
the party owed his Daddy a favor.
Poor Tim Russert - he still has Clinton's cock-on-the-brain.
....
Thanks to Gonzo Dave at AMPOL for the graphic
He can't think anymore.
His brain has been completely destroyed by Clinton's cock!
If that question had been about Clinton's cock, Russert would've
called NBC
in New York and told him he needed ten more minutes of air time
to get to the
bottom of this "extremely important constitutional question."
But since this is
only the nomination of a lying, military deserter, Tim lets Smirk
off the hook.
For some reason, maybe revenge on Clinton, Russert no longer wants
to get
to the bottom of a controvery. He no longer digs for the truth
in political matters
because if the truth won't get him closer to Clinton's cock,
he's not interested.
Suddenly, it's Tim the Whore's job to PROTECT
SMIRK AT ALL COSTS.
The media is forced to prop-up the idiot Smirk to pretend there's
still a race, here.
Rove couldn't answer that question for the same reason Clinton
couldn't answer
Monica questions - because he was guilty! Obviously,
appearing guilty is a
better road for candidate Smirk to take than confirming
guilt. Tim the Pit Bull
STILL can't let go of Clinton's cock, yet he sees no reason to
say,
"Mr Rove, can you answer paul's question and name one person?"
Russert - you are a whore.
It will be interesting to eventually see this exchange in the
Meet
the Whore transcripts.
How many of the "Name one," urgings will make it into
print?
Any?
As the weeks go by, NBC will offer the transcript, that is, unless
Suzie's boyfriend
didn't invite her to the prom, in which case the NBC news division
transcripts will
grind to a halt because they don't want to pay another
high school girl the $5.50
it would take to transcribe Meet the Whore in the same
news cycle so reporters
might use a quote for their pieces on Monday.
Funny, here at bartcop.com we can have our commentrary
posted an hour after the
lying cock-hunter goes off the air, but billion-dollar, international
conglomerate NBC
needs days of lag time before they can post a transcript.
New Feature
Great Biblical Moments
from Betty
Bowers
>The people of Samaria must bear their
guilt,
>because they have rebelled against
their God.
>They will fall by the sword; their little
ones will be dashed to the ground,
>their pregnant women ripped open.
Hosea 13:16
Isn't the Bible a good book for children to read?
Poor Smirk...
Will he ever find his way out of the woods?
Great Republican Quotes
"What the polls are showing is the native good sense of the American
people."
-- George Will, more wrong than Chippy the Chimp,
on This Weak
George, I dare you to repeat that sentence November 8th.
Will you have that courage?
No, on the eighth you'll be spinning the most dishonest horseshit
of your career.
On the eighth you'll say the idiot voters were bamboozled
by the lies
of a clever charlatan and any other goddamn lie you're
fed by the RNC.
Show some courage, George.
Show us you're smarter than Chippy - just once.
Aging Rockers
I think it was Friday night, PBS presented a Four Tops
concert.
I'm so old, I remember the late sixties when the Four Tops were
tearing up
the charts with not only soul songs, but hard-rocking songs like,
I'll Be There,
Bernadette,
Can't Help Myself,
Seven Rooms of Gloom,
Standing in the Shadows of Love, and others.
The Four Tops is the kind of yesterday's group I'd pay real money
to see
in a place like Las Vegas, or, that's what I would've said until
Friday night.
Koresh, what a mess that concert was.
First of all, I've never mized the sound for a band, but I know
there's a slide
named "drums," and one named, "horns," and one named, "guitar."
But let's show some of that famous BartCop generosity and say
that a bad
sound mix is something that could happen to anyone, even tho
this concert
was taped and they had weeks, months or years to fix the problem.
Second, we all get old. I can blame Levi and the gang for aging,
but if one was
trying to, let's say low-key the aging thing, why would a black
man want to wear a
C. Everette Koop-style white beard? It made him look like
Col. Sanders.
Levi - lose the shiny white beard, trust me.
Third - and this always pisses me off - in some lame-ass,
misguided effort to
get the crowd involved and on their feet, Levi kept insisting
the people sing.
Levi would sing a line, then hold the microphone out for the
crwod to sing
the next line, then Levi would sing a line, then it was thw crowd's
turn again.
To make things worse, (why do they always make things worse?)
he started
berating the crowd for not being involved enough, not singing
more.
"You can do better than that," he kept insisting.
"C'mon, let me hear you. You can do better!"
Hey, Levi, for $55 a ticket, why don't YOU fucking sing.
I don't want to pay $110 just to hear the white moron next to
me sing off-key.
It'd be real nice if the people on the stage, the people being
paid, did the singing,
and let Melvin from fucking Shreveport watch and listen instead
of shattering
my ear drums with his version of The Four Tops greatest hits,
Jesus Christ!
Lastly, and this is another one that was 100 percent in their
control:
The show lasted an hour, and for the first fifty minutes, they
played songs I've never
even heard of. I'm not a Four Tops expert, but if I've
never heard of these songs
I'll bet a hundred dollars most of the audience hadn't heard
of them, either.
Those songs I named?
They were all chopped-up and crammed into a last-minute medley.
Yeah, go figure.
The goddamn songs these people paid REAL MONEY to hear you guys
sing
got shoe-horned into the very end like you guys ran out of time
or something.
Hey, if you're tired of singing 30 year-old songs, fucking retire!
After 50 minutes of, "What the hell is this song?" I keep
looking at my watch
wondering if this is a two-hour show, and we're looking at a
killer final 60 minutes,
but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Once the show is 90 percent over with, then you pull out the big
guns,
singing one verse from each and then giving us a quick, "Good
Night!"
Levi, you hosed your fans.
How do you think you can get away with that?
And before you, the reader, say, "But BartCop, they're still in
show business,
so they must be doing something to please the fans, right?"
As old as I am, this is the first time I've ever seen a Four Tops
concert.
Oh, sure, they might've been on Ed Sullivan or something decades
ago,
but where have they been since 1970? I'll tell you where. They've
been hiding
in clubs, screwing 300-500 people at a time so word wouldn't
get out.
Maybe now, they've pissed off so many people around the country
that they decided
to go ahead and shoot their collective wads one last time on
PBS to promote this
last tape of disappointing, never-heard-of songs with a five-minute
burst of
something we recognize at the very end.
Levi, you hosed your fans.
I used to be one.
Oh, well, I can go to Napster and download the REAL songs for free.
(Goofy is a critic I invited to write a piece)
From: goofy@z.com
Subject: The debates
On the prez debates, I really think nobody
won. I know that the
conventional thinking was that if GW finished
with a pulse, then he
was going to be a winner. It was
a disappointing event in every way.
Jim Lehrer let Algore bully him into extending
almost every monologue
he departed on, GW looked like a deer in
the headlights half the time,
Al sounded like he was trying to get over
a combination of sinusitis,
emphysema and constipation simultaneously.
ha ha - good line
From a factual standpoint, it all depends
on what point you're
standing upon. I'm really disappointed
that GW didn't earslap Al
about his repeated whining about the tax
cut going to people
who "don't need it." And that's the
major problem I have with
the Dems in general, and Al/Joe in particular.
There is no problem too
large or small for the federal government
not to get involved in. If
we take a step back to the basic purpose
of the federal government,
it's grown beyond any reasonable need.
Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Not the achievement of
happiness, just the unshackling of the
individual to pursue it.
Anyway, the debate. No winners, only
losers.
Especially the guy who had to clean all
the phlegm off Al's microphone.
G
G,
I liked your "deer in the headlights" line, too.
That's what I think most people saw.
Did you see the SNL skit on the debates?
They showed Gore hammering Bush with facts, and Bush just stood
there
looking confused, then responded with his "That was fuzzy math"
quip.
Even so, Bush is a lot better than he was a year ago when me
met him.
It's my opinion Bush might've been a good candidate in 2004,
but somehow he got pushed to the front of the line.
Sidebar: have you read
my Big Story?
(It's very short)
I'd be interested in your
thoughts.
Maybe you don't buy the "big
story," but it explains a lot.
But I'm mostly interested in your "big government" position.
Would you let me ask you some quick, yes-no questions?
1. Concerning abortion, would you like more or less government?
2. Concerning euthanasia, would you like more or less government?
3. Concerning school prayer, would you like more or less government?
4. Concerning consorship, would you like more or less government?
5. Concerning flag-burning, would you like more or less government?
6. Concerning "English only," would you like more or less government?
It's my guess, if you're a "regular" Republican, you want the
government
to be MORE intrusive in those areas, yet you say you want less
government.
Can you explain?
Would it not be more accurate to say we both want government to
control
certain aspects of life, we just disagree on what those controls
should be?
The right likes to say they want less government, but they cheer
big government
forcing itself onto families in situations #1, #2, and #3. To
me, those are the
three areas where government should never intrude on our freedoms.
Your thoughts?
How to Get on Rush's Show
From: sniper@cei.net
Subject: OK-Texas
Look what they said over on ESPN:
The Longhorns ran for a school-record-low minus-7 yards and
allowed 534 yards, the most the Sooners have ever gained against
them.
Texas players were confused from the start. Offensive and defensive
linemen stood before every snap and pointed at Sooners to figure
out
who they were supposed to block -- yet they still didn't do a
very good job of it.
Plain Talkin' Smirk
Lehrer: Mr. Vice President, is it true that if you are
elected,
you will only appoint judges who agree with you on Roe vs. Wade?
Gore: Yes, that is true.
Lehrer: Governor Bush, is it true that if you are elected,
you will only appoint judges who agree with you on Roe vs Wade?
Smirk: I have always been a leader. Look, Carl, my record
is clear. I have been the
chief executor of the largest of the lower fifty states. I do not think
a litmus test
is warranted because I plan to work with both sides of the aisle, which
includes
Democrats and Republicans, (smirk) and of course the abortion question
is one
on which disagree can good people. I'm asking you to look into my
heart.
Lehrer: So, ..your answer to the abortion question is ...what?
Smirk: Carl, you already asked me that, (chuckles)
Lehrer: My name is Jim.
ha ha
Rush: Of course Bush won that debate. Sure, the
liberal dominant media culture is siding
with their
willing accompliaces in the Gore camp about who was stupid and who
looked
more natural, that's why you don't need to watch the weekend shows,
you should
only listen to the truth, that's me, the Turnpike of Truth.
A Trip to Hoseville
From: logic@skantech.com
Subject: Fwd: Do We Really Need Another Pathological Liar For President?
Man this pissed me off!!!
Bart, do you have rebuttals to these?
Any of them at all?
Apparently Bush's "eCampaign" is going into
full throttle as
I've received this from about 4 different
ditto-monkeys.
Rick
Rick,
ha ha
At least they had the brains to not label this, "The Gore Body
Count."
This crude attempt at horseshit was done by the same people.
This pack of lies and horseshit is so fake and phoney on it's
face,
it would be a mistake to dignify it with a response.
Tell you what, let's do it this way:
First, read the "Gore Body Count."
The first thing you should always do when faced with a barrage
of
GOP horseshit like
this is assume they're lying because they always are.
The fact they they list "Gore invented the Internet" tell
you all you need to know.
Reminding everyone that I'm not a lawyer, there's a phrase they
use in trials:
"Objection - Assumes facts not in evidence."
Almost everything on that list is pure horseshit.
I can say, "Reagan admitted sodomizing nine schoolboys in 1966,"
but until I provide
proof that he admitted the sodomy, I'm just a wild-ass ditto-monkey
with a claim.
After you read the long list, they offer another long list
of primary URL's that's about
as helpful as a fucking pirate's map with an "X" for where the
treasure is buried.
If, after every wild-ass assertion, they listed the EXACT URL
where we could verify
where TIME or Newsweek or Gore's staff - somebody - could be
held accountable
for these wild-ass assertions, they might begin to hold
water.
Is there any Republican out there that would stand behind these
"facts?"
If there is, I'll go thru each one, word by word for the "sponsor."
So this is a challenge to the conservatives out there who think
Gore should be held
accountable for his "pathological" lying. Already today, we've
seen a discussion between
Paul Begala and Karl Rove about the difference between an exaggeration
during a
campaign and a refusal to answer a very simple question, "Name
One," that concerns
a very serious matter such as a possible president deserting
the military during wartime.
If any conservatives out there want their ass handed to them,
call my bluff.
Tell me those questions are legit, and we'll go thru each one.
A picture of Kate Hudson, for no reason.
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