Volume 294 - Smirk vs Fuzzy II
Tonight - the biggest event ever on bartcop.com
 Join us for Smirk's Last Stand - 8:30 PM Eastern, 5:30 PM Pacific
 Let's witness history together.
 Is tonight the night Barbara Bush cries on CNN?

 October 11, 2000 
 Tonight, you'll need to scroll down for updates.

 All Times Central
  RU Excited yet?

 It's Smirk's Last Stand!
 How can you NOT be excited?

 I'm more excited than Clinton at Scores.

 First Thought

 It'll be easy as hell for Gore to "behave" tonight.
 But there's no way in hell Smirk has gotten any smarter in the last 8 days.

 This is supposed to be a free-for-all, give-and-take tonight.
 Look for Gore to dish it out, and for Smirk to eat it.

 First order of business?
 The all-important check list of essential items.

 Where's my check list?
 I know it's here somewhere...

 Oh, there it is...

 Number One: The Chinaco Anejo.

 OK, now that we have everything we need,
 what do we need to get out of the way before we start?

 Damn, the Cardinals (bartcop.com official baseball franchise) are playing
 a playoff game right now, and I can't watch it. Last time I mad to miss
 "Must See TV" was when Tony, Silvio and Paulie offed Big Pussy.
 That was Clooney's live invasion of Moscow.

 We've got the second TV on the ball game.
 If there's a score, could somebody post it in the chatroom?

 Prediction: Tonight, the worm turns.
 As always, right after the debates, the pundits will say Smirk won.
 Then, when the polls come in 70-30 for Gore, they change their minds.

 Smirk was seen as "not a drooling fool," after the last debate,
 but tonight he'll have to prove he's Gore's equal and that can't happen.
 That couldn't happen if Gore had a stroke on-stage.

 Mets 1, Cards 0 in the first

 It was a dark day in K-Drag.
 I walked in my local spirits store, which hasn't seen much of me lately,
 and the Chinaco Anejo row was empty!


 A quick check provided good news and bad news.
 The good news is they had the Chinaco Anejo, but it's now $36.95, up 20 %.
 If something really good or really bad happens, I'll have to do a shot.
 Either way, I'll come out OK :)

 Bill Schneider on CNN says people STILL haven't made up their minds.
 Something Gore needs to remember:
 More people can identify with Smirk's "I dunno," than they can
 with Gore's "I know everything" wonkism.

 I'm old-fashioned.
 I think the president should be able to outwit the stupid people.

 USA Today's TV critic said,
 "The second debate is tonight, but Fox has baseball.  Considering how slanted
 Fox's news coverage tends to be, baseball may be the best choice for that network."

 Robert Bianco is his name.
 He's no Matt Roush, but he's good.

 I called my doctor, (I forget what issue that was in) and asked him if he wanted to
 monitor my blood pressure during the debate and he hung up on me!

 RU as excited as me?

  ha ha

  I can do anything except wait.

 NL MVP Edmonds is at bat for the Cardinals...
 Still 1-0, New York.

 Right now, I'm more nervous than Gore, and a lot less nervous than Smirk.

 I hope the subject of oil comes up again, and I hope Gore remembers what
 Smirk said in a GOP debate earlier this year. When asked what he'd do if there
 was a big upturn in oil prices, the asshole said, "There won't BE one if I'm president."

 When pressed on it, remember what he said?
 Remember how Smirk said he'd solve an oil crunch?

 Mr Big Oil said, "I'd,   ...I'd tell the producers to keep drillin'. "
 Swear to Koresh, some voters want a goddamn idiot in the Oval Office.

 Check in with the old guestbook (7:43)

 There's some chatters (6 or so) on the new forum.
 Go to the Guestbook section, go to new forum, than check high-right for chatters.

 Cards - bases Loaded!!!
 Belay that excitement - end of the inning...

 Mets 2-0

 Smirk in the house!
 Debate in 10 minutes!!

 CNN has Clinton-hating Mike McCurry and Clinton-hating Mary Matalin on
 so we can get some "fair and balanced" opinions from a traitor and a Republican.

 MSNBC has Chris the Screamer and Peggy Noonan on for "more balance."
 Sure wish the "willing accomplices in the press" would show up.

 You see Smirk hiding?
 Look at him!
 He's hiding because he's SCARED!

 I'm so nervous, I should do a shot, just to calm my nerves...
 Here's for the best man winning!



 Here we go, it's showtime

 8 PM

 Gore looks clean, looks good, looks cool.


 Smirk looks weak, tired and stupid.
 He looks as nervous as, ...well, ...as nervous as an idiot in a debate with a genius.

 Yak, yak, yak, the same stump-speech he's given for 19 months.
 Hasn't he learned any new lines?

 By the way, I'll correct the typos later...

 Can you tell?
 Is Gore close enough to Smirk to kick him under that table?

 ha ha

 That'd be cool if Smirk was talking & said, "I believe that...Ow!"

 I hope we get into the give-and-take that was promised.
 So far it's polite, gentlemanly talk. I want Crossfire!

 I think Smirk just said we were NOT the envy of the world.
 Gore should pounce!

 Strongest economy ever, - hammer him, Al...

 So far, Lehrer hasn't asked a single good question.

 Smirk wants to trade debt for more rain forest?
 He's the eco-Smirk now?

 I think all foreign policy questions should go to Smirk first.
 Otherwise, he'll just "ditto" what Gore says.
 Wanna bet he doesn't disagree with Gore all night on FP?

 Jim, ask Smirk about the "higher pie!"

 Smirk says he has friends in Kuwait, ...yeah, ...I'll bet.
 More empty platitudes, if that's how you spell that word.

 Have you ever seen the Dick Van Dyke where he's debating Wally Cox for city councilman?
 Smirk seems real impressed with Gore's answers on FP.

 I wish Smirk would say just one thing that would let me respect him.
 He's such an empty paper bag. He's cotton candy -

 Smirk hasn't said anything without a Smirk at the end of his sentence.

 Uh-Oh, first challenge by Gore?
 Smirk gave a generic answer - a non-response, "it depends."

 I love a foreign policy debate!

 No fair!
 Again, Jim went to Gore first.
 When is Smirk's turn to go first?

 Smirk just said Somalia was a mistake - his Daddy's fuck-up!

 Smirk: It was right to ignore Rwanda and let 600,000 Rwandan's die

 Gore: No, we SENT troops to help those people, but we were late.

 Smirk: I can build a coalition with ANY country - that has oil.
            We have a lovefest going here tonight.

 Gore: I'm about to give you a history lesson, boy
           The Marshall Plan was "nation building," you idiot!

 Smirk: Maybe I'm missing something here

 BartCop: Yeah, like a fucking brain?

 Jim: Would you bring any troops home?

 Smirk: No

 8:34 and still no fisticuffs?
        I might vote for Buchanan!

 Smirk: I don't think IMF are a good thing

 Gore: What country are you from, Smirk?

 Smirk: Freedom is a powerful, ...powerful, ...powerful
            (Rove kicks him from under the desk)  ...thing.

 Jim: Let's move on

 Smirk: (giggles, snort, giggles)

 Did I mention the sweet taste of Chinaco yet?
 It tastes like sunshine.
 It tastes like freedom.

 Smirk: I believe in local enforcement of the law.
             The local internal affairs cops should police themselves.

 BartCop: Gee, Smirk, like in LA?

 Gore's talking about the abusive law in Springfield, Mo!
 Perkel, you listening?

 Gore brings up James Byrd, so Smirk counters with, "I'll murder the killers!!!!
 Koresh, he loves that bloodlust.

 Jim: Let's talk about civil rights.

 Smirk: Yeah,... the civil right of reading.

 Gore:  What?

 Jim: What?

 BartCop: What the fuck?

 Smirk: Is out children learning?

 ha ha

 BartCop: Smirk, I hope you win, buddy!

 Gore: Smirk lied on James Byrd

 BartCop: Go! Use the BIG hammer, Al!

 Smirk: When you murder someone, that's hate.
            (Then a BIG snort!!!)

 Go AL!!

 Hammer Time!!!

 Smirk keeps saying "We have a hate crimes law in Texas,"

 Yeah, mother-effer, you VETOED that law,
 and your legislature overrode that veto, am I right on that?


Jim: Smirk, tell us about gay marriages!

Smirk: I'm a uniter, not a divider.

Gore: We have to find a way to recognize same-sex unions.
           I agree with Cheney and JoeL on that.
           Smirky is the odd man out on that.

Smirk: I don't know what that means.
            I have no idea.
            I'm a uniter, not a divider.
            Special rights are BAD!

Jim: Let's talk about the influence of the gun lobby.

Smirk: Anybody up for a pizza?

Jim:  Answer the question, Smirk!

Smirk: People that shouldn't have guns, shouldn't have guns.

Gore: How can I be tied with this idiot?
           Let's license NEW handgun owners.

Smirk nods in agreement.

The NRA just shit a brick
All that money they paid, for an idiot who can't think?

Gore: Let's talk about Columbine.

Smirk: Are you sure we don't need a pizza?

Jim: Answer the question.

Smirk: Guns don't belong in schools with kids with a dark heart.

Jim: Would you support tougher gun laws?

Smirk: We should love our neighbors..

Gore: I can't believe I'm tied with this bimbo!!!

Smirk: After a kid murders 30 students, we should punish him.

Gore: Why not PREVENT the shooting, instead?

Smirk: Damn, I'm sooo hungry.

Gore: Texas ranks 49th in health care for kids & women!

Smirk: Can we change the subject?
            We spend a LOT on the nigg, ...I mean the poor people in Texas...
            You can quote all the numbers you want, but I like the nigg,
            ...I like poor people.

Gore: Anybody catch an answer there?

Smirk:  You realize, if I lose this election, Nugent will die...

           "Please say that Smirk won, please?"

Smirk: I have a kind heart!
            We spend a lot of money on nigg, ...on poor people in Texas.
            Numbers are really tricky things...

Jim: Is Smirk lying?

Gore: Yes, he's lying his Yale-branded ass off!

Gore: Why couldn't Smirk manage to climb from the 50th worst state to, say, 45th?

 ha ha

Smirk: That's not true, and also...

Jim: What's not true?

Smirk: Emme finish, Emme finish!

Gore:  (no sighing)

Smirk:  If you're happy with inactivity, STAY WITH THE HORSE!

 ha ha

BartCop: What the fuck does that mean?
                 I'll go $20 for any clue on that!

Jim: Let's talk global warming

Smirk slips Jim a hundred...

Jim: Let's talk about something else...

Gore: No, let's look at Houston

Smirk: We hate brownfields in Houston

Gore: (heavy sarcasm) That explains it!

Smirk: You have to look at what's in my heart.

Gore: Smirk, I can't see your heart, it's too fucking smoggy!

Smirk: If you own land, every day is Earth Day!

Gore: What the fuck?
           I feel like I'm debating Giuliani's plunger.

Smirk: I believe in mandatory emission standards!

Gore: You mean you'd force factories to pollute?
            Could you be any more ignorant if you tried?

Smirk: Gosh, no. That'd be stoopid!

Jim: What about global warming?

Smirk: We need to wait on that, as looooong as it takes..

Gore: Wait until the icecaps melt?

Smirk: I like pepperoni, and mushrooms, how 'bout you?

Gore: Global warming is real, but puffball can't see it.

Smirk: Who you calling Puffball? Fuzzy-numbers?

Gore: Who you calling, "Fuzzy numbers?" Coloniaboy?

Jim: Go ahead, finish your thought.

Smirk: My what?

(time stands still for a moment...)

Jim: Smirk, ...sorry, I mean Governor, does Gore lie?

Smirk: We all make mistakes, I've been known to mangle a syl-ABBLE or two, myself.

Gore: The goddamn idiot whore press in this counrty is more concerned with whoring
          one more fucking newspaper than they are getting close to the truth and I'd like
          to say every one of them can kiss my goddamn ass.

(Whoops, sorry, that was MY statement, not Gore's - Sorry, Al!)

By the way, we're in Winston-Salem and I didn't hear shit about Big Cancer!
Gore, where's your head?

Smirk is pro-cancer.
I would've pounded him on that.
I would've used the BIG hammer, too.
The BIG one, the one with the black, rubber-handle, shock-absorber...
I'd pound that mother-effer until he sang the aria from Madame fucking Butterfly.

Koresh, ...it's over?

This was Smirk's Last Stand?
This was our fireworks?

We got hosed!

I'm on NBC, waiting for Tim the Whore to give me ammo.

"Neither man was persuasive."

Christ, Tim the Whore might be right.

Gag Me!
I agreed with Tim the Whore.
Sure, Gore won, but Smirk is still standing...


When you hear the pundits comment, write it down, send it to me.
It'd be great to post 100 pieces of feedback from what Smirk calls "the punditry."


On NBC, Swear to Koresh, TEN of SIXTEEN focus group members left?


Two-thirds told NBC to go to hell?
"They had other committments," the narrator said?


Oh, please!
You hsat down with TEN people with prior committments?

ha ha

Your hand-picked focus group walked out before you could talk to them?
What, they talked to that whore Lisa Myers?
Is that why they left?

How screwed a sampling could NBC have gotten?

Oh, gag me with Rush's swastika!
The remainder of the focus group says they need ONE MORE DEBATE?

Since I was a kid, I could tell when I was bein' hosed.
This is like a Don King fight.

The judges aren't sure!
We need another $30,000,000 fight to be sure?
Suck me off with a breast pump!

Then, f-ing then, Brokaw says, Swear to Koresh,
"We'll be right back with the TRUTH SQUAD hosted my Lisa Myers!"

ha ha

Lisa Myers?

Lisa Myers the "Clinton-is-a-rapist," fair-minded Lisa Myers?"
She gave Rush oral sex fucking yesterday!!!!!!!
Fucking yesterday!!!!!!!!!!

Lisa Myers is in charge of the truth squad?

Koresh, hear my prayer!

Oh, gag me again!
Some hosebag on MSNBC just said a "Smirk-Gore" ticket would be nice.

I'm serously considering shooting myself.

No, wait!

Go to FOX.
Mets leading, 3-0, one on, 2 out, McQwire on deck.
If Davis gets on,  Mark could tie it with a homer!

ha ha

Whoops, na  ga  da.
Oh, well, we still have the ninth.

Back to the debate.
We're being hosed!

They're promoting the NEXT debate.
They say it's a town meeting, a different style.
We're being hosed.

Don't like this movie?
Come back next week.

This "tune in next week," crap is getting old,
like this is some goddamn Dallas or Dynasty episode!

I'm outta here.
I gotta say my prayers.

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