RU Excited yet?
It's Smirk's Last Stand!
How can you NOT be excited?
Tune in at 8:30 ET for the BIG event!
(This will be in Volume 294)
If I was a Smirk advisor, right about now (2.5 hrs before kickoff)
I'd be handing Pinhead a Sudafed so he wouldn't be snorting all night.
Today in History
- In 1989:
The House approved a bill that would restore Medicaid
for abortions in cases of rape or incest.
President Bush vetoed the bill, telling the rape victims to "go
The veto was upheld.
Subject: Today Show
Don't let anyone talk about the Today Show having
on Rush. It was a stroke (haha) of pure genius.
The polls are tightening a bit, so they put on this nut job to show what the GOP is really like.
Notice the dodge when asked about the "They are 14% of the population. Who the hell cares?"
comment he made. Then they follow up with Begala, someone who makes sense and is intelligent.
This reinforces the contrast between the the GOP
hate and the Dems.
Oh boy, they are talking about Dr. Whora now too!
The Today Show...fighting for America by showing that the GOP is made up of fascists!
Haha. Ratings are driven by controversy (Jerry Springer).
Good guys like, oh I don't know, 99% of the Democratic
Party, just aren't good for ratings.
Instead of condemning T.S., we should send them a "Thank You" for revealing the TRUE GOP.
Remember, most of the hate-filled slugs have been in hiding until after the election.
The T.S. is just digging around in the woodpile in order to shed some light on the hateful varmints.
More Questions for Smirk
"Please. Mr. Bush, take your time and don't be nervous.
Think about what you're going to say before you say it.
Don't get too specific, don't fuck this up.
Please, Mr. Bush, do your best - please?"
How do you feel about the free world
laughing their collective asses off that
not only are you running for the presidency but was actually nominated by your Party?
What are your favorite crayola crayon colors?
Have you seen pokemon the Movie,and if
so which was your favorite character?
Send in more Questions for Smirk!
But hurry, time is running out!
Excellent article from Salon.com
Subject: I met Rush!
Found your website last week and have been hooked!
It's more compelling than porn!
Thought you would like to hear about my true encounter with Rush.
My wife was hired to be managing editor for Marta
Fitzgerald Limbaugh's new magazine Vent
(it lasted four issues). It was a great opportunity and ostensibly free from overt politics (really!).
Anyway, Marta hosted a party for her staff on
July 4th at the Limbaugh family compound on
Palm Beach, FL, and I met the man himself. He was actually quite pleasant and we even agreed
on one point during our brief conversation (We both thought that the wild fires raging in Florida
were due to lack of prescribed burns and he went on about his infamous statistics that there are
more trees now in America then when the Pilgrims first landed. True, but the trees are much
denser--due to lack of prescribed burns--and there is much less cord feet and
the trees are on average much younger.)
Anyway, he was offering cigars and I noticed a
few Cubans in the humidor.
Being one of the unwashed masses, I couldn't pass it up. The cigar wasn't
that great and kept going out but the point is, I smoked a Cuban cigar on the
Fourth of July at the estate of the ultimate right winger! I wonder what
Jesse Helms would have thought of that.
Would like to share you more, but the really juicy
stories came from my wife
who signed this non-disclosure agreement. I didn't, so I can share my first hand
account and am glad to pass along this hypocrisy to those who can use it.
BTW, did you know that Rush often broadcasts from his studio in West Palm Beach?
Damn, I wish Mrs. BartCop could get a job working for El Pigbo.
Thanks for the note, send more if you can.
More Questions for Smirk
Can you explain how you plan to convince
Democrats in congress to vote for
your tax cut plan since you don't have support for it within your own party?
Quickly Please,....How much is two plus two ????
Governor Bush, the projected "surplus"
comes mostly from Social Security payroll
taxes paid by working Americans making less than $68K/year. Since it's SS that's
in surplus and not the general treasury, when you first proposed to give the
wealthiest 1% over $600 billion of Social Security money, did you have any
fear that a bolt of lightning would soon strike you down?
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
Will Algore continue ....the Ronald Reagan
attempt ....to ...to be like him?
Strokeboy, what the hell kind of language is that?
Do me a favor...
If you're going to vote for Gore,
vote a straight Democratic ticket, would you?
If you're going to vote for Smirk,
vote a straight Republican ticket, OK?
Let's not do this halfway.
Don't vote for gridlock.
Either vote to continue the progress we've made under Clinton
or vote to go back in time to Bob Dole's America of the 50's,
but don't vote to put the car in neutral.
Subject: A note from Washington DC
The other day a friend came into my office and, as happens this time of year in
Washington, the discussion turned to politics. My friend is an "undecided" voter and
couldn't figure out which of the candidates he should vote for. He asked why it was so
easy for me to make up my mind to vote Democratic when he found the issues so confusing.
In order to give him an answer to his question I asked him to look out
the window of my
office and tell me what he saw. My office overlooks a small park belonging to the New
York Avenue Presbyterian Church (Abraham Lincoln's church, 2 blocks from the White House)
and each morning as we come to work we have to step over dozens of the homeless derelicts
who camp out there in every kind of weather. With this scene in front of him, I reminded my
friend that Republicans believe that we, the public, can be trusted to take care of ourselves
if only the government would get out of the way. In fact, this mass of homeless humanity has
only been there since Ronald Reagan, true to conservative principles, declared that we
shouldn't provide for the homeless 'against their will'.
My friend asked how we as a nation, with the greatest prosperity in
the history of the world,
could stand by while our people, unable to care for themselves, were homeless and hungry in
Abraham Lincoln's churchyard? I told him it was because the fundamental difference between
Republicans and Democrats. Republicans believe everyone is on their own and Democrats
believe that we're in this together. Needless to say, we gained another vote for Gore.
More Questions for Smirky
How many people on Texas' death row made
than $50,000 a year or had a bachelors degree?
Should someone who cannot pronounce the
be allowed on the internet, let alone in Washington?
Today's final jeopardy question goes
to The Governor from Texas:
Governor Bush, our final question stresses the importance of telling the truth.
Please complete this LINE to a 1977 classic recorded by Eric Clapton...
"She don't lie, she don't lie, She don't
You've said that you don't have to be
smart to be President.
But don't you think you HAVE to be smart to take the country in the RIGHT direction ?
In 1992, MTV asked Bill Clinton the now
infamous question "boxers or briefs?"
Tonight, Gore should ask Shrub "rock or powder?"
Send in more Questions for Smirk!
Gay group rejects Dr. Laura's
By Melissa Grego
HOLLYWOOD (Variety) - A gay advocacy group
is not buying the words of regret
addressed to the gay community by Dr. Screech in a Daily Variety ad Wednesday.
Schlessinger and her new syndicated TV talk
show, ``Dr. Laura,'' have come under fire
from gay protesters in the light of controversial comments she has made on her radio show
about homosexuality, using words such as ``deviant'' and ``biological errors.''
In the text of the ad, Schlessinger declares,
``I deeply regret the hurt this situation has caused the gay and lesbian community.''
(Editor's Note: Lying slut.)
In response to news that the ad would run,
the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation
issued a statement on Tuesday saying, ``Laura Schlessinger once again blames others for the
impact of her rhetoric, refusing to take responsibility for her precisely chosen, scientifically
inaccurate descriptions of gay and lesbian lives.''
In the past several months, much rhetoric
has been exchanged via statements issued to the
media by various parties over the Screech-hosted talk show distributed by Paramount.
GLAAD's and Screech's words come a week after ``Dr. Laura'' lost its carriage in Canada.
(Editor's note: That was more an abortion than a mis-carriage)
Four Canadian TV stations, all owned by
CanWest Global Communications, said last week
that Screech's show was being pulled due to poor ratings and lack of advertiser interest.
So, Laura the Martyr sees her income dropping.
What does a whore do when the income drops?
Anything - including abandoning her principles.
I wonder - will Margaret Shemo let Screech get by with that?
An e-mail by Margaret Shemo!!
Let's check it out...
Margaret Shemo uses the BIG hammer to pound the "Doctor"
Subject: Message in Variety
I read your "heartfelt message" that was
printed in a special "Gay Hollywood" edition
of the trade paper Daily Variety. The word "heartfelt" is usually connected to an apology,
but you apologize only for "a poor choice of words." (Rather serious, for a radio personality.)
Then you twist your so-called apology into
You claim, "Ugly words have been relentlessly repeated and distorted for far too long."
How did your poorly-chosen words become
"Relentlessly repeated" by whom?
"Distorted" by whom?
Your implication is clear -- your words
have been made to sound "ugly" by having been
"relentlessly repeated and distorted" by gays and lesbians! Yes, the very people whom
you've opposed as "a staunch defender of the traditional family."
My G-d, you can't even apologize without making false accusations!
Since you can't sing, as you've conceded,
why do you insist on performing the same old song in public?
The lyrics are: "It's someone else who's created this situation. It's someone else who's caused the hurt.
It's always someone else's fault, not mine."
Nobody wants to hear that song, Dr. Laura
-- not on radio, not on TV.
If you want to sing it, you'll have to do it for free.
If your "heartfelt message" was inspired more by the Day of Atonement
than by the Week of Sweeps, that shouldn't bother you at all.
A shot of Chinaco to Margaret Shemo!
Today is Bill and Hillary's 25th Wedding Anniversary!
Best Wishes to Mr. & Mrs. Clinton
More Questions for Smirky
Can you desert your post in wartime and
still get an honorable discharge?
Did anyone connected to your father intervene to
change your status from "dishonorable" to "honorable?"
If the PROJECTED surplus is 'the people's
why is the EXISTING national debt not 'the people's debt?'
Did you ever operate any property of
the US military (such as an aircraft)
within 30 days of using any illegal substances ?
Your father has stated that he had no
affiliation with the CIA before he was appointed
its' director by President Ford. The name George Bush seems to appear repeatedly
in reference to the anti-Castro Cuban exiles in Miami and operations in which they
have been involved (Bay of Pigs, October Surprise, Iran-Contra to name the most visible).
Since honesty and trustworthiness seem
to be the currency de jour, would you do us
the service of addressing these troubling inconsistencies for us on national television?
Where does the core loyalty of your family reside - the USA or the CIA?
Have you ever played any role in a pregnancy that was aborted ?
Send in more Questions for Smirk!
Joe Conason Uncovers Dick Cheney
Blame Canada - For Dumping
Our friends to the north are permanently exiling the advice-spewing
morality maven's controversial new television talk show.
While Dr. Laura has been under incessant fire from gay and lesbian
over Schlessinger's comments that homosexuals practiced "deviant" behavior
and were "biological errors," and has been bleeding advertisers, the company
that owns the show's Canadian outlets says the reason for the cancellation is
simply - low ratings.
Gardner, who admits to receiving tons of complaints from the gay
and lesbian community,
says the last show would be Friday. Dr. Laura premiered in Canada September 18.
Is today the day Smirk answers some questions?
Questions for Smirk
In the last eight years, we've seen a
lot of investigations that were justified
because the Republicans said the people had a "right to know" what
their elected officials were up to, not only in office, but decades back, too.
Do you think your father was correct
in issuing pardons for the Reagan officials
for their Iran-Contra crimes before the voters knew the extent of those crimes?
When your father called big tax cuts
for the rich, "Voodoo economics,"
was he telling the truth, or was that just political grandstanding?
Send in more Questions for Smirk!
What you're seeing is a copy of the orders grounding Smirk
for his "failure to accomplish" a mandatory physical.
Was it the cocaine in his system that
caused him to refuse the test?
Or was the Massabama National Guard just unable to locate him?
Subject: Latest Polls
Sorry sissy, but its clear you've lapsed
The Gore camp is obviously nervous and they are getting desperate.
The media finally latched on to the "Gore as serial liar" story just when
the folks at home started paying attention. Fair or not, he's been tagged.
...really big sigh...
Furthermore, what does it say about Gore
if he's trailing someone with
an "incoherent" message. As for Bush, you don't have to be a genius to
say your're going to tell the truth, cut taxes, strengthen the military and
keep your hands off the interns.
...really big sigh...
I remember how confident you guys were in 1992.
I remember how confident you guys were in 1996, too.
Rush kept talking about the "abject panic allllll the liberals were in."
Rush guaranteed you victory then, just like he's doing today.
Tell me, is stepping in the same hole three times a sign of insanity?
It's too bad you're a non-corporial e-mailer.
If you had a web site, I might be able to find you Nov 8th.
You're going to go "missing" when Gore wins, and that's a shame.
You'll be harder to find than Smirk on Massabama National Guard duty.
Isn't that why you have an account at hotmail.com?
So you can jump in and out of identities on a whim?
Yeah, you'll be reeeeeeeal easy to find after the election...
Of course, you know where I'll be Nov 8th.
Right here, with my victory Chinaco, toasting Gore's Democratic congress.
You'll have a new nickname and a fresh start.
28 more days and we'll never hear from you again, not under "riskyschemer," anyway.
Maybe come Nov 8th, you could be firstname.lastname@example.org...
Subject: It's been a while...
I alway enjoy the site. It's not as intellectually
as I would like it to be, however, amusing none the less.
I'm Catholic with ADD and an I.Q. of 64.
This is the best I can do.
This neither a new or original thought, however:
I was curious as to your feeling regarding Al
Gore's attempt to "Be"
Ronald Reagan during the last election. I heard enless remarks about it
following the first debate. It's obvious Gore went out of his way to
wear the Reagan Mantle, and I wonderered If you thought It was a good
move on his part. and also, if are you resentful at all at Al, given
that Reagan is all time author. Did Gore shit on the left? Or is he desparate?
I have no idea what you mean.
Rush says crazy stuff like that a lot, but he says crazy stuff for ratings.
He doesn't mean it.
Seems to me, with his mindless bungling and incoherent ramblings,
Governor Bush is the one who's trying to be Reagan.
On what planet were those last two questions written?
How you feel about Gore's in-ability to tell the truth?
Where did you learn to phrase questions?
Sean Hannity Charm School?
Who have you been arguing with lately?
Do you know people who actually answer questions phrased that way?
I noticed you have a link to gore lies from your site.
Too bad you didn't click on that link.
It's an Urban Myth-type debunking of Gore's "lies."
I can tell you've never read it, because you believe in the golden triangle of
1. I created the Internet, 2. Love Story, and 3. Love Canal.
Tell me, do you buy the "Gore Body Count," too?
I applaud you for that bi-partisan move on your part.
I salute your unwavering faith in that which does not exist.
It's almost as if you have to just embrace the
as one of the skills he learned on-the-job from Bill.
PS- I'd love to read some great liberal spin on
gore's tax plan,
and how YOU think it will help joe average.
If I had the brains to explain anybody's tax package
I'd be too rich and too busy to have a website.
If you want to see a site with some intelligence, try
By the way, do you work for Fox News?
You seem to share their ability to make great leaps.
The Republicans have a hospitalization plan for you.
More Questions for Smirk
1. What kind of pie were talking about
when you said we need to make the pie higher?
Cause, I'm willing to work *hard* for some lemon meringue, but not for some
store-bought pumpkin pie shit.
2. Spell meringue.
3. Define meringue.
4. Define fluff.
5. Define substance.
6. Define abuse.
7. How will you use COLA's for a better life for Generation Next?
8. Compare and contrast COLA's and cola's.
9. Explain why Colonias can not make use of COLA's
10. From "Crime and Punishment"
compare and contrast Raskolnikov's post-crime
self-righteousness with "youthful indiscretions".
Bonus question: Is our children learning beneficial
from helping others in a foreign handed way?
Gov. Bush, you, like most pro-life, non-Catholics,
seem to accept the NRA's view of the Second Amendent.
My question is,
why is aborting a baby immoral, but not shooting one?
Will you be appointing Rush Limbaugh or (I
don't know what kind of) Dr. Laura
to any positions in your administration if you win?
How many Houston-area industries have complied
with your voluntary emission reduction proposals?
How many lives have been saved in amusement parks now that
you allowed people to carry concealed weapons into them?
Due local religious beliefs, what kinds of
food would you not serve
to the heads of state from Djibouti, Seychelles, and Brunei?
What were your intentions when you signed a bill prohibiting
municipalities in Texas from enacting smoking bans?
Please expound on the dogma behind your empirical
edicts that would
ameliorate the issues in America that currently put us on a precipice.
Please avoid using posteriori deductions and refrain
from assuming an existentialist point of view.
Send more Questions!
Congratulations, Today Show on reaching a new low today.
After having O.J. on in July, I didn't think
your guest list could get much worse, but I was wrong.
By having Rush ("Talent on Loan from God")Limbaugh on your show today you provided a
mainstream forum for him to spew his extreme right wing hatred and sarcasm.
Then, almost as an afterthought, Paul Begala
is allowed a couple of minutes for "balanced" coverage.
In Mr. Begala's interview Matt Lauer proceeded to attack Vice President Gore in Limbaugh's place!
This is balanced coverage?
Why didn't Mr. Lauer or Ms. Couric interview Mr. Limbaugh?
Limbaugh seemed to be handled with kid gloves, off on a private interview
in a private room with a relatively unknown interviewer.
Mr. Limbaugh has made a career out of vilifying
President and Mrs.Clinton.
Let his loyal followers (known as "dittoheads") tune into his radio show to listen to his lies
and uninformed "opinions". Please spare the rest of his from his hate-filled, biased and bigoted rhetoric.
I hear Smirk repeating in his stump speech,
"Al Gore is of Washington, for Washington, and by Washington..."
I assume that Georgy means that this is a bad thing.
Why is he spending countless millions and
fighting so frantically to become
exactly what he condemns? Is this mind-bendingly crazy and hypocritical?
Curious in Illinois
We readers of Parade Magazine know that
Marilyn Vos Savant
is the smartest woman in the world, not Hillary Clinton!
(Yet somehow, Savant can't get a better job than answering questions like,
"You're in a runaway elevator, is it safer to jump up and down?")
Remember, it was the GOP that gave Hillary the title,
"Smartest woman in the world."
They still have bumper stickers on their cars that read,
"Impeach Clinton and her husband, too."
But now that she's running for a lowly senate seat,
they want to know what her record is.
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