Volume 295 - Candygram for Dr Laura

 October 12, 2000

 The Smoking Jet

 Click  Here

 I'd like to thank everyone who checked in last night.
 We had over 530 clicks, a new high for  bartcop.com.
 I'd really like to thank the people who clicked twice.

 This morning, I'm surrounded by people who think Smirk won.
 "Bush was so good on foreign policy," they're telling me.

 It's so hard not to laugh in their faces, because Bush didn't say anything last night.
 The closest he got was, "I'd only send troops to GOOD places, and I promise
 I'll never send our troops to the BAD places."

 They call that "foreign policy expertise."
 Even tho Gore has been co-pilot for the best eight years this country has had,
 some people want the unqualified Gomer to replace him in the big chair.
 I sure wish the price of fine tequila would come down.

 The whole night, did Lehrer ever ask a good question?
 The questions you guys sent me we so much better.
 Even the joke questions were better than what lehrer asked.
 I was a fan of Jim's until this last ten days.
 Maybe now we see why he's languished on PBS all these years.
 He was cheap, so PBS could afford him.
 I guess Bernard Kalb's price was $50 higher?

 After the debate, I switched to the ball game.
 I haven't heard much commentary on it, but do we even need to?

 Trying to make this a race, the whore press will surely praise Smirk.
 Last week, they praised Smirk, who clearly lost.
 A few days went by, then they admitted, "Well, Gore won, and won big,
 but he looked like a bully doing it, so he really lost."

 They're going to invent a spin for Gore to lose these debates no matter what.
 For all anybody got out of that second debate, we would've been better served
 if Gore and Rove had just posted position papers on the Internet.

 Another thing, how stupid is Gore?
 Granted, he's 100 IQ points above the potted Bush, but why in Koresh's name
 would Gore agree to rules that prevented the candidates from talking to each other?
 That way, Gore could've put Smirk on the spot, something Lehrer refused to do.
 Gore has been on the spot for eight years, he can answer anything, but Smirky
 is still hiding behind, "I am my Daddy's boy," and it showed.

 We found some local reaction:

 "I think Smirk won! He was great on foreign policy.
  Nobody is smarter than Smirk on foreign policy.
  Smirk was the clear winner, don't you agree?"
  Say you agree - please?"

From: leedergroup@leedergroup.com

Subject: You cannot petition the lord thru-u-u Pra-a-ayer.

bc:  Say all the prayers you want.  If I understand your 'bet' correctly you
may be gettin' that boss ass Lexus. (Actually, it's an Acura, made by Honda)
If you look up 'fools' in one of those Bartlett's FAmous Quotes volumes,
you'll find numerous cautions to engaging a fool in an argument and the advice
it is easy to look no better than the fool.  Gore is no rocket scientist;
debating a fool is one tough job.  All he needs to do is repeat platititudes.

 Two highlights of the debates for me (make that three):

1. Bush's proposal to swap 3rd world debt for rainforests as a way of 'forgiving' the debt...
    I'm sure he had a fragment in mind the Carbon Credits thing,

2. His only abrubt body language expresson to the first time Gore said the word,
    "CORRUPTION", while looking at Bush but not with the intention that Bush
    apparently took it... just like a lier averts his eyes when asked the question that conflicts him.

3. I burst out laughing two or three times when they had the split screen and Bush was
    listening 'attentively' to Gore.  He looked just like the actor playing him on SNL
    ...or, is it the other way around?

   Koresh, I don't like the way this is shaping up.


   Relax, everything is under control.
   You don't think Clinton will let Gore lose, do you?
   Gore has wrapped the snare around Smirk's sac,
   and he's just waiting for the right moment to yank!

   ha ha

   Smirk, I'm gonna miss you...

 In my mailbox today,
 I saw something from my buddy Bill at the

 He sent me this killer article, that I was going to post anyway, but after I read it,
 I noticed it was written by Christian Mitchell, who is a pillar of bartcop.com
 She's been so helpful, I call her Dr. Melfi.  Strange as it seems, pressure can
 build up in the treehouse - she keeps me sane and producing.

 Here's her article, that was printed in the excellent onlinejournal.com

 Click  Here

 Good job, CM.

 Great Joe Conason article

 Click  Here

 Sad news from the Middle East today.
 Four dead, 12 missing, which really means 16 dead.
 If you're missing from a warship, you're probably not alive.

 I don't know much about it, just saw the headlines,
 but I can imagine what that vulgar Pigboy will do with it.

 First, any retaliation that our government puts on those murderers
 will be ridiculed and laughed at by the "blame America first" Tokyo Rush.
 How many dozens of times has Pigboy accused Clinton and our military
 of killing children overseas just to divert attention or build a legacy?
 No matter who is responaible for the deaths, Tokyo Rush will side with them,
 declare Clinton a demon who got what he deserved, and laugh about it.

 Remember, before the right's pathological hatred of Bill Clinton surfaced,
 politics used to stop at the water's edge, but not anymore.

 I can't envision a time when that genie will go back in the bottle.
 I wish more people understood that Rush gets paid to divide Americans.
 That's his function.
 If there's nothing to talk about - don't worry - Rush will fabricate something.
 In times of peace and prosperity, Rush has to work a little harder, but his
 millions of eager ditto-monkeysd will follow him wherever he leads.

 I fail to understand our fighting men sticking with Rush after he tells them
 a false story such as "I guarantee Arlington graves are being sold to the
 highest bidder, and Clinton is the top salesman."  When the evidence proves
 that never happened, they shrug it off and wait for his next guarantee.

 Like a lot of strange things in this world, I get more upset at Rush than they
 do when Rush urinates on our military, just as I am more outraged at Pigboy
 for using God's name in his personal slurs than "religious" people.

 Nothing is out of bounds for Rush.
 Our war dead, the God you claim to revere, the truth - anything can be offered
 up in sacrifice so the right can move an inch closer to sticking a shiv in Clinton
 and I can't understand it, no matter how hard I try.

 I fail to understand why I defend the honor of our military more than the military does.
 I even defend the honor of God Almighty, at least more than the self-proclaimed
 "Christians" do, and I don't even believe in Him.

 To paraphrase Al Pacino, "Somethings' really wrong here."

 Any gamblers out there?
 Anybody want to bet Fox News has their TV cameras at Dover AFB to record the
 flag-draped coffins as they come off the plane?

 Anybody want to bet they have the families of the dead on for an interview so they can
 ask them their feelings about Clinton's "foreign policy debacle?"

 This way, Rush, Hannity, O'Reilly and Zahn can remind us that America is just
 "getting what she deserves for electing a draft-dodger,"  even as they push
 for the election of a wartime deserter.  They'll say George W. Bush can be
 forgiven for his "youthful transgressions," because he has an "R" after his name.

 But how can the military forgive the vulgar Pigboy?

 2 Deep 4 Me

 Click  Here

 This didn't make the transfer, so I'm re-posting it.

From: gcnews@runestone.net

Subject: Debate?

Bartcop old buddy,
What happened? I'm starting to think if Gore can't wipe the floor with
Bush maybe we don't want the guy as President. Fer crying out loud,
he let the guy off the hook more times than a catch and release fisherman
in a chartity fishing tournament at a kids water park.

Why doesn't Gore run on the record of the last eight years and compare that
with the last Bush's two terms in Texas. I classmate of mine is a public school
teacher in Texas. I write him asking what he thought of Bush and his record on
education. My classmate is a Republican, a real Republican, and he said Bush has
done nothing for education in Texas. He hated the voucher system and, in fact was
qetting out of the public schools, after 20 years, to teach in a private school.

If Gore is to have any chance of winning, he's got to run on the record and make
Bush do the same. Fer crying out loud, do the women of this country know if Bush
is elected they will lose the right to choose what to do with their own bodies?
Do parents realise right-wingers plan to take over the school systems and turn them
into fundimentalist bible camps? Does anybody realise if Bush wins America will
have elected a brainless coke head who is a puppet for the extreme right wing?

Oh well, I guess we get what we deserve.

I saw 20 openings for Gore last night, but he didn't take them.
I can only assume Gore knows what he's doing.

I know that takes a lot of faith, but I saw some bullshit report on ABC that said
when Algore Sr was getting his teeth kicked in by the Tenneesse ditto-monkeys
in his last re-election run for the Senate, Al Junior kept urging his Dad to fight back,
but Dad refused.He just laid there and accepted the fuckin' he was getting and
Al Junior vowed that he'd never get caught in that same position.

If this was the stock market, I'd rate Gore a "strong buy" right now.

 Cloning Jesus?

  Click  Here

 From: mshemo@hotmail.com

 Subject: Candygram for Dr Laura

 I don't vouch for the accuracy of the following, but I first saw it in
 a Dr. Laura news group:  Dr. Laura Schlessinger's home address is
 25065 Ashley Ridge Road, Hidden Hills, CA 91302.

 The "Homes of the Stars" web page shows the same address.

If you go to the LA County Assessor's web site, you can get the scoop on this
address and neighboring houses by searching for "Ashley Ridge."  This doesn't
prove anything, of course, but the house at 25065 Ashley Ridge Road has four
bedrooms -- and Dr. Laura said, on her radio show earlier this month, that
HER house has four bedrooms.  Would you be surprised to learn that the house
at 25065 Ashley Ridge Road has SEVEN bathrooms?  "Main improvement square
feet" for the house at 25065 Ashley Ridge Road is 9427.  The land value is
$2,119,357 and the improvement value is $1,695,484.  The annual taxes on the
property are $39,398.95.  (Could you buy a really nice trailer home for that much?)

You can gate a community, but you can't keep out the United States Postal Service.
Picture the torrent of love, sympathy and moral support that must wash over
Schlessinger mere (pronounced "mare") and Schlessinger fils and Dr. Bishop,
in the form of snail mail!  People probably send Laura candygrams
(I understand land sharks deliver).  Remember her on the holidays with gifts of jewelry.
Mail sympathy cards to Dr. Bishop.  Order gift subscriptions to magazines for the
bunchkin (he would probably enjoy "Big Brother Skateboarder" ).

ha ha

Do us a favor and do NOT go to the She-Thing's house with bad intent.
Margaret and I are much too busy to go to court.

 More Problems for Screech

 Click  Here

Mail Bag

From: DENNISC@iadb.org

Man am I pissed!
After watching the debate last night I was stunned by the flash poll results on
the perceived winner of the debate.  Either the American people have collectively
lost their minds or the news outlets were flash polling the RNC Headquarters!

Virtually every news outlet reported a 3-2 majority win for Bush.

I'm going to take another guess here:
It's always easier for the out-of-power minority to mobilize.
Every debate in memory, including Gore-Quayle 1992, has been scored by the
pundits as a win for the GOP, but then the poll results come in a few days later
and the whore press pretends their "flash polls" and their own comments from
that night never existed.

When they reviewed past debates this week, almost everyone cited Ford freeing
Poland and Quayle getting stung by, "You're no jack kennedy" as debate moments
nobody will ever forget. But at the time, the instant polls and the media all claimed
Quayle won that debate.

Swear to Koresh, nobody in this country has a lower opinion of the American voter
than I do, but I still can't believe when they get in the booth, they're going to reject
peace and prosperity and gamble on the idiot with his tax cuts for the rich.

Note: Dennis sent a good, detailed rebuttal to most of last night's points.

To check it out  Click  Here

 Joe Conason Uncovers Dick Cheney

 Click  Here

 Excellent article from Salon.com

 Click  Here

 These were both in Vol 293, but didn't survive the transfer,
 so I'm re-running them. Christ, I need help.

From: Pajessb@aol.com

Subject: Great, just great


        You seem to be the only person who is still upbeat about this election.
EVERYONE I KNOW is scared shitless that the unimaginable might happen.
Even the NY Times was impressed with Smirk's performance.


CHRIST, I wish that Clinton was running again!!!!!!

-  PJ

 PJ, not to worry.
 This situation reminds me of a guy who woke up with a bad cough one day.
 He got worried, assumed it was terminal lung cancer, so he gave away his
 possessions and sold his house and cars and gave his money to charity and
 then found out it was just a cough and he wished he hadn't gotten in such a panic.

 Smirk is a cough, nothing more.

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