Volume 300 - Smirkdown

 October 17, 2000

 If there's gonna be a "big hammer" night, this is it.
  ...and it's not funny to call this "Gore's Last Stand"

 Tonight, scroll down for updates.
 All Times CDT


 The guestbook and the New Forum are both open.
 You can drop by and just lurk or you can contribute.

 Some last-minute questions for Smirky

 If running Texas requires so much managerial skill and political savvy,
 how can Lt. Governor Rick Perry do his job and yours when you're
 cramming,  fund-raising or traveling more than 50 percent of the time?

 What cabinet post are you planning to give to Senator Jesse Helms?
 Secretary of State?  Or will you try to find a post that will allow him
 to do even more damage to US credibility in the international arena?

 Are the fundamentals of our economy currently strong?
 Is there any warning you'd like to give the American people TONIGHT
 about any economic turbulence in the near future?
 (This question must be asked NOW, because if he wins, he and his apologists
 will blame his recession of 2002-2004 on "the weak economy inherited from Clinton.")

 Governor, given your numerous comments that the military is unprepared,
 how do you explain the heroic achievement of the sailors aboard the U.S.S. Cole
 (who deserve a shot of Chinaco if anyone does) in saving their ship after it was
 "visited" by your family's business associates in Yemen?

 Next time W says "That's fuzzy math,"
 Gore should say, "No, it's simple arithmetic."

 Governor, would you be willing to take a drug and alcohol test?
 How about now?  We have a doctor and lab team standing by.

 Governor, if one of your daughters became pregnant and wanted
 to have an abortion, would you support her in her decision?

 Governor, if you shoot six bald eagles, and Dick Cheney
 shoots seven bald eagles, how many does that make?

 No, not 11.  It makes 15 - 25 for each of you
 in a federal pen for shooting a protected species.

 W, someone sneaks into your bedroom tonight, and stabs your wife
 with a syringe full of clorox. she does not survive. When you ask for
 an explanation, the murderer exclaims 'you killed my sister'! or
 something to that effect. you did not kill this person's sister,
 but you had little or no opportunity to prove it to your wife's killer.

 The question: how are you any different from the killer in the story?

 How many assault rifles should a convicted felon
 be able to purchase in a month?

 What are the penalties for failure to file as an insider trader
 within 90 days if you're an ordinary citizen?
 If you're the son of the president?

 What was the size of that property tax that you forced on the
 citizens for the new Texas Rangers stadium again?

 You say the top 1% pay 30% of the taxes.
 Shouldn't they be paying closer to 80% of the taxes,
 as they control 80% of the money?

 Since the situation in the West Bank is similar to that in Lebanon,
 will you commit the Marines in a similar mission as Ronald Reagan?
 If not, why not?
 If so, how many hundreds of dead Marines would it take
 for you to turn tail and run like Reagan did?

 A last-minute-before-the-debate
 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 You think Gore is brave because he went to Vietnam?
 That's nothing.

 You know what real bravery is?
 George W Bush met with the Boy Scouts yesterday,
 That's how brave he is.
  -- the Unbelieveable Pigboy.


 Won't be long now.

 I've heard my first big-ass lie...
 CNN says they have a group of "undecideds" to talk to.
 These people are lying their ass off already.

 Wolf the Whore talked to a few, and one guy said,
"My big issue is honor and integrity in the Oval Office, but I'm undecided."


 You are not.
 You're a ditto-monkey who will miraculously "switch" to Smirk tonight.
 Is CNN that f-ing stupid?
 Or are they in on the fix?
 I vote the latter.

 Also, if things start to go bad,
 if Gore acts like a whipped puppy, I may get the pipe out...

 Oh, perfect!
 CNN has Betsy Hart on for "impartial analysis."

Trust me, she's a ho'er for Smirk.
I guess they didn't have enough chairs at Fox, so she slummed over to CNN.

It's getting close, so I'd better go thru my last-minute checklist.
Where's my checklist?

Dammit, I'm sunk without my checklist!
Mrs BartCop!!!!!!
Where's my checklist?

Oh, there it is, in my lap.
It's a good thing, because when things get going,
 there's no time to be running around looking for things that are important.

OK, let's look at the checklist and be sure we have everything we need.
Number 1 - The Chinaco Anejo.

Got it!

Ok, now we're ready to go.
I must confess, I bought some Casta Oro tequila tonight, too.
If things get salty, I may need to do some chugging
and the Chinaco is just too good to chug.

Getting close - Pickles Smirk is in the house!!

Only minutes away from the debate that will decide who will lead the planet
for the next 4 years, but that's no reason for Smirk to be nervous, right?

ha ha

By the way, just accept the spelling mistakes until later or tomorrow.
I can't be going back checking for spelling while Fuzzy is pounding Smirk.

Just check my stats, 260 visitors so far,
could be a non-record-breaking night for live  bartcop.com

...not that it's about the number of hits...

Is the New Forum working?
I keep getting "Warning - Can not post this message. Empty string"
What the hell is an empty string?

By the way, Washington U in StL is known as "Commie U," by the local reich-monsters.
I think that means some Democrats go to school there.
Maybe that'll help.

Moment of Silence for Carnahan.

Questions by the uncommitted?
Maybe they should be!

They're going to let the people ask the pre-screen questions?

ha ha

Get real!

I hope one says, "Visit  bartcop.com!!"

Gore has a Carnahan story - Smirk won't.
Starting on the offensive, let's hope it's a harbinger.

SOC for luck (Sip o Chinaco)

Uh-Oh, Smirk is already lying!
He does NOT support a patient's Bill of Rights.

A gatekeeper is the gynecologist?

ha ha

Go Smirk!
More analogies like that!

Smirk - "It's time we did what's right for the people!!"

ha ha

Gore's calling Smirk a liar!
Go Fuzzy!

Gore - What about the Dingle-Norwood bill?

Smirk - The what?

Question 2 - The lady wants cheaper drugs.

Don't we all?
Smirk says "Join together to get a better price."

But Smirk, THAT'S SOCIALISM!!!!!!

Smirk is acting a little cocky - Fuzzy may have to smack him!

What we REALLY need is for one of them to take a few steps towards the other.
I'll vote for Smirk is he threatens to kick Gore's ass!
Somebody needs to take some action!

We never did get an answer to Dingle-Norwood from Smirk,
but of course, the press will forgive his ducking the question
because it has nothing to do with Clinton's cock!

Speaking of Clinton's cock, where's Tim Russert?


Go Fuzzy!
Gore has the small hammer out.
That's not enough, but it's a start.

Smirk - They tried to pass a national Health Care Plan in 1993
             SHAME ON THEM!!!!!!!!

ha ha

Sometimes they ask, "Where have they been?"
Sometimes they ask, "How dare they try to fix shit?"

Make up your mind, moron!

Everytime Jim has a new question, he gives us the number of
people who asked that question - is that germaine?

"I wish I new the law," says the Texas idiot.
"Everyone should love their kids," Smirk declares.

"I'm strong for accountability," says the Governor Coke Monkey!

Gore's not having any of it.
If this was football, it'd be 10-3 Gore right now.
Three times Gore's said, "We have a HUGE disagreement on this subject."

As Matt Drudge might say, "Eggs-cellent" manuever.

ha ha

Look at Smirk!
Acting like he has a pair!

ha ha

Oh, this could be perfect.
In debate 1, Gore was a mean guy for attacking the retarded boy from Texas.
This time, if Smirk bows his back up, Gore is free to pound his ass!

ha ha

New score - Gore is ahead 13-3.
Besides Rush and Fox, nobody will say Gore lost this,
based on the first half-hour, which Gore put in the bank.

This is like grade schoolers fighting.
The 5th grader is acting like a nasty shit, and the 8th grader
has been told not to pop him unless he really gets out of line.

Maybe I should be rooting for Smirk,
so he gets ahead,
so Fuzzy has to pop a cap in his ass!

ha ha

Please, please - SOMEBODY as Smirk a question from those listed at  bartcop.com
Some were funny, but mst we like f-ing scalpals, cutting Smirk to the bone.

Ask him how many kids he has!!!
Ask him if he's paid for an abortion in the last 5 years!
Ask him to free Condi Rice!!


What a hot babe!
Which jail are they holding her in?


Free Condi Rice!
Free Condi Rice!
Free Condi Rice!
Free Condi Rice!
Free Condi Rice!

Smirk - Education is fun at the early levels?

Did you mean "fundamental?"

Whoops - 8:36, Smirk gets too cute, takes a hit.

Write that down, 8:36.
Prediction: The night turned on that minute.

8:38 Gore Hammer!!

You wanna go back?
THIS IS YOUR MAN, he says, poiting to Smirk!


Gore reads  bartcop.com!!

8:40 The Middle East

Everybody takes a breath.
Smirk's looking like a space cadet on the Middle East - praising Clinton!
Does Smirk read  bartcop.com?

 ha ha

 Smirk - Gotta be clear, gotta be firm, gotta be fair
            gotta be vigilant, gotta be, ...what did Karl tell me?
            Whoops! Did I say that out-loud?

 ha ha

 Go Fuzzy!
 Gore brought up Iran, LURING the idiot into the trap.

 Gore called Smirk a draft-dodger!

 SOC for me and for Fuzzy!

 ha ha

 Gore listing his military record and legislative record,
 Smirky is looking down, kicking the dirt...

 8:45, Gore minor stumble, talking about how he broke off campaigning
 for TWO DAYS to get briefing from Washington.

 Better left unsaid, Al.

 Both have scored, now 23-10 Gore, 5 mins left in the half...


 "If this was a spending contest, I'd come in second - <smirk>!!"

 Big error, Smirk!
 That was ugly, Smirk.
 That's your presidency you just smirked at.

 Second Half

 I take it all back.
 If this moron wins, let's all move to Canada!

 Just kidding, this debate is a watershed.
 I don't know what that means, but I've always wanted to use that cliche.

 Gore wants safe schools, - don't lose me Al...
 Gore smacking Smirk on smaller government.

 Why is Richard Dreyfus asking a question?


 It's a farm question?
 Smirk can't farm shit.

 You can't farm your daddy's friend's oil field,
 so Smirk's answer should be door-opening.

 Oh, Christ, Smirk put the ball on the ground!


 Smirk - "I like farmers. Farmers are our friends.
              Some of my best household help farms to make ends meet."

 ha ha

 Score - 26-10, favor of Gore.

 Look at Smirk, running around on the stage like he's Clinton.
 Ain't but one Clinton.

 ha ha

 That's Gore's single biggest problem, and anyone who disagrees
 better get ready to go 10 rounds on the New Forum.

 Smirk is "dancing" for this crowd.
 I predict it will not work.
 I grew up in ...Denver,  which is a WHOLE LOT like St Louis,
 St Louis knows bullshit when they see it.

 This night...it turns.

  (heavy drama)

 All along, the media has thought it would be funny if they elevated this heartless moron
 that I, BartCop, could beat in Trivial Pursuit, and not only that, but if Smirk played Sabutai
 in Trivail Pursuit, not only would Sabutai skunk his inattentive ass,
 Sabutai would have Smirk's pants off!

 ha ha

 Sabutia is sharp enough to convince Smirk it was STRIP Trivial Pursuit,
 so Sabutai would obtain pics of Smirk without pants!

 ha ha

 Wait, why am I laughing?
 If Gore wins,  bartcop.com won't be very funny...


 After a long speech by Gore, Smirk came back with a BIG stumble.
 I predict the whore press will judge this a Gore victory.

 Smirk is more lost than me & Mrs. BartCop in Yosemite in 1996.
 That was the day I almost got religion.

 Smirk - I may be a dumbass, but I'm smart.
             I'm NOT stupid - not like they say.
             That's just, ...just, ...scuttlebutt, laid by my enemies!

 ha ha

 It's a good thing there's no tax on having fun watching a dork destruct.
 Don't tell the libs, by Koresh they'll tax it.


 "I don't know what Affirmative Access is,
   but I know what Affirmative ACTION is,..."

 Crowd dogs bark - crazier than Bob Dornan!!.


 ha ha

 Smirk says we can't afford a tax cut for the under 60K crowd,
 but we should applaud his give-away to the super-rich?

 If Arthur Mercante was judging this fight,
 he'd give the deaf, dumb and blind boy an eight-count.

 ha ha


 The black guy calls Smirk "blood thirsty!"

 Smirk, lying, denies it!

 ha ha

 Didn't someone suggest we have lie-detectors at these debates?

 "Tough cases came across my desk, they're all seared in my mind."

 Black guy:  Name one, Sir.

 Smirk:  "I, ..what?"

 Black guy:  Name one, Sir.

 Smirk: Isn't it against the rules to ask a follow-up?

 Gore: "Me?  I'm against murdering the innocent!"

 Smirk:   Oh, yeah?  ...Texas is a big state...


 Time to wind up, it's hammer time.

 This ain't no damn high school debating trick!

 Smirk's comeback was a crowd-killing giggle and an ugly smirk.

 Score: 38-17 for the guy with the fuzzy numbers.

 Amazing - still - no Roe v Wade final appeal.
 If abortion isn't important to America's women, why are we fighting about it?

 "A promise made is a promise kept, if I'm fortunate enough to be your president,"

 Geez, Smirk, is there a more-practiced lie in your quiver?

 It's over, I have it Gore 38-17, a clear knockout.

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