Volume 315 - Oy Fey

 November 1, 2000

 Michael Moore - The Misunderstood Martyr
  Excerpts from a letter from Michael Moore to Al Gore:

Look, Al, you have screwed up -- big time.
By now, you should have sent that smirking idiot back to Texas with
a copy of "Hooked on Phonics" in his hands. You should have wiped
the floor with him during the three debates.

But you didn't. And now your people are calling ME, asking ME to do
the job YOU'VE failed to do! Jeez, I've got enough on my plate these days,
between work and the holidays coming up and the leaves I should be raking
-- and now I'm supposed to save YOU? Unbelievable!

Poor Michael, he's more persecuted that Newt Gingrich!
Looks like Michael is feelling the weight of the world on his shoulders.
We should all stop what we're doing and feel sorry for poor Michael.

The reluctant savior?
He can kiss my creamy, white ass!

Let's get one thing straight -- we didn't leave you, YOU left us.
You and your "New Democrats" abandoned the poor,
the working class, and the middle class.

More than anything, I don't want to sound like the vulgar Pigboy.
But didn't I just predict Michael Moore would say that?

 Yes, I did, in Volume 310, which was only FIVE DAYS ago.

 I'll bet if I asked Michael Moore why he left the Democratic Party,
 I wonder if he'd say something cute like, "I didn't - it left me."

 Another former Democrat is famous for saying that line - Ronald Reagan -
 who became a hero to the white-power, religio-wacko tobacco whores.
 Yeah, they say Reagan is such a saint that he walks on water.

 I wonder if Michael would like to do a little walking, too?

 Michael Moore is a fraud and a pussy.
 Power has gone to his head.
 He's playing a trick from the Rush/Laura playbook:
 He's fucking his base - all the way to the bank.

 Let's talk about whore-pollsters

 When I think of the term "whore pollsters," I think of John Zogby.
 Besides being Pigboy's pet pollster, Zogby was forced to admit he
 accepted money from the GOP after denying it for the longest time.

 After denying he took money from the GOP, he was confronted with
 GOP campaign finance disclosure forms that said he was given money.
 Backpedalling like Lance Armstrong, Zogby said, "Oh, THAT money.
 That was some innocent money they gave me for helping them out
 with a private poll on a different matter."


 You always take money from those you monitor, right John?
 You learned that shit from Uncle OJ Watts.

  Uncle OJ Watts used to be on the K-Drag Corporation Commission.
  He said, "There's nothing wrong with accepting money from
                     companies you're in charge of regulating."
  Funny, the Reagan Justice Department's all-white panel agreed.

 Zogby has had so many complaints about cooking the books and that he
 accepts money to falsely show the GOP is ahead, that he's been forced to
 add this statement to his web site:

  Please be assured that all of us at Zogby International are committed to
  the best of our ability to report the most accurate information possible.

  That is why we are commissioned to poll by Reuters and NBC.
  Bear in mind that neither they nor any other organization
  has or ever will alter our methods of obtaining the most
  accurate measurement of public opinion possible.

 Zogby got caught

 That's why he put up the "I'm not lying" statements.
 His latest crime?
 Telling people Lazio is ahead of Hillary by 5 or 6 in New York.
 What a whore!

 Here's how the scam works:
 Every other poll shows Hillary comfortable ahead, but Zogby takes money
 from the GOP to give the sheep hope, to get them to cast their ballots.
 Without a doubt, both sides will be running ads until the last minute.

 A week from now, when the ballots reveal Hillary won easily,
 that whore Zogby will back off of his sky-high Lazio numbers
 and claim a "last minute negative barrage" scared the voters.
 He'll say that's why ahead-by-6 Lazio ended up losing.

 What a whore.
 If the whore press was doing their job, they'd expose him.
 But of course, neither Zogby's funny numbers or Smirk going AWOL
 has anything to do with Clinton's cock, so it can't be a crime.

 What do you think Bird is studying right now?

 ha ha

 Will you be here tomorrow night for the big cage match?

 10 PM Eastern
   9 PM in the zone where he and I are.
   8 PM for the mountain folk
   7 PM for Vegas, the west coast and Nader voters.

'Nader trader' vote swap site shut down

 California/Intelligencia has shut down a vote swap Web site aimed at
"Nader traders" -- people in battleground states who agree to vote for
 Gore if someone in a who-cares? state votes for Nader.

 "We notified the site manager that they were in violation of California election
   law and they did need to cease activities on the Web site, and they complied,"
  Shad Balch, spokesman for CA Secretary of State Bill Jones, said Tuesday.

 This seemed like a really bad idea from the start.

 Have you seen the new newsgal on SNL?

 I like her - she's hot!
 (This pic doesn't do her justice - watch her do Update)
 She's also the Head Writer of the show.
 When she does the Weekend Update, she often wears
 her glasses which makes her look smarter, and therefore hotter!

 Go, Tina!

 Do you guys need any writers?
 If you steal any more of my stuff, I'll take that as a "yes,"
 but don't worry - I'm not going to sue you.

 Aryan Nations leader files for bankruptcy

 The leader of the Aryan nations has filed for bankruptcy,
 just days before he was to surrender his Idaho (where else?)
 compound to satisfy a civil rights lawsuit.

 Richard Butler's assets are to be liquidated to pay his debts
 to Victoria and Jason Keenan for having his white-power bullies
 beat them up oiutside his Aryan Nations compound.

 Rush Limbaugh, Trent Lott  and Gov. Smirk refused comment.

 Latest battleground map looks good for Gore

 So good, you need to read this:

 Bush Set to Fight An Electoral College Loss
  They're not only thinking the unthinkable, they're planning for it.

 Quietly, some of Smirk's advisers are preparing for the ultimate "what if" scenario:
 What if Smirk wins the popular vote, but Gore wins the electoral votes?

 "Then we win," says a Gore aide.

 So what if Gore wins such crucial battleground states as FL, MI and PA
 and thus captures the magic 270 while Smirk wins the popular vote?

 "The one thing we don't do is roll over," says a Bush aide. "We fight."

 Ediotr's note: No, no, no, Cubby.   You're going to roll over like a good dog
 and quietly lick yourself if you lose the electoral vote.
 Maybe the US Constitution means nothing to the needs-a-pardon GOP,
 but the Democrats rather respect that document.

How can they fight the constitution?

The core of the emerging Bush strategy assumes a popular
uprising, stoked by the Bushies themselves, of course.

In league with the campaign which is preparing talking points about the
Electoral College's essential unfairness a massive talk-radio operation
would be encouraged.   "We'd have ads, too," says a Bush aide,
"and I think you can count on the media to fuel the thing big-time.

Even papers that supported Gore might turn against him because
the will of the people will have been thwarted."

Local business leaders will be urged to lobby their customers, the clergy
will be asked to speak up for the popular will and Team Bush will enlist as
many Democrats as possible to scream as loud as they can.

ha ha

Smirk knows he's going to lose.
He's already crying...

But we have to remember - they have religious insanity and guns.
Those two things go together like whiskey and car keys.

My Glocks are loaded.

 Great non-Endorsements

 "Doesn't a man who asks for public power and public trust
  have a moral obligation to be intelligent about public issues?
  In Texas, after all, Bush's lack of understanding of,
  or engagement with, the substance of governance
  has had unmistakable moral effects."
   -- The New Republic, in an editorial

 According to the Dow, Gore's Worries are over

 Click  Here


From: mreed@mtsu.edu

Subject: Happy post Halloween


Halloween came and went with the usual collection of ghouls and goblins.
We have about three pounds of little tiny Tootsie Rolls left at our house.
Sam and Heidi, however, got cleaned out. They live in a somewhat newly
developed area, so there are a lot of new families and plenty of parents who
simply load up the car and drive from block to block dumping off the kids.

When I left last night, they'd gone through 13 pounds of candy.

The new development has a lot of GOP yard signs (and one Pat Buchanan).
When Sammy's neighbor put up the usual collection of Republican signs,
he called the Democrats and told them to put up some signs in his yard.
As he was giving out candy to a little monster,
the monster's mother noticed the signs.

"Are you really going to vote for Gore?" she sneered.

"Yes, ma'am, I sure am," said Sammy.

"I pity your soul," she responded.

This took Sammy aback and I must admit, it threw me, too.
In what possible context could a vote for Gore illicit pity for one's soul?
Think about it. She didn't offer to pray for it or even that she was
afraid it was in danger. She just offered her pity.

As is often the case, I think of good responses for verbal exchanges way too
late for them to do me (or Sammy) any good. If I had a magic cell phone which
would let me call Sam yesterday I'd offer a whole set of responses:

"Thanks, but you should probably pity Bush's soul. He's responsible for the deaths
of 143 prisoners, including some who may not have been mentally competant or had
competant legal representation. He even seems to take pride in that fact."

"My soul needs your pity about as much as the weathiest one percent  of the nations
 billionares need the 43 percent of that trillion dollars Bush has promised for tax cuts."

"Save your pity for the souls of the senior citizens who won't get help
 on their prescription drug cost under a Bush administration."

"You know who's soul I pity? The one of the Texas soldier who had to go
  to Viet Nam and fight in Bush's place."

"You know who's soul I pity? The inmate rotting away in a Texas jail for
 selling the stuff Bush was buying before he turned 40 and 'grew up'."

"You know who's soul I pity? The U.S. voter who believes in Gore's
 social policies but will vote for Bush to get a tax cut."

"Oh yeah? Well bite me."

I threw that last one in because it's easy to remember.

Mike in Murfreesboro
(Who believes his soul should remain pity-free).

 Dozens of Bush scandals have not been reported.

 Here's another one from consortiumnews.com

 Click  Here

 then Click  Here

 There is so much stuff there, but who knows about it?

 Fox News is "fair and balanced?"

 TomPaine.com  explains it all.

 Click  Here  for their superior version

 Click  Here  for the forever version

From: (withheld)

Subject: The Insane PigBoy

Rush said in the opening of his show today that he's been a big success in
every media endeavor into which he's ventured.  He said he's had big numbers
in radio, television, and now the internet.

They took his show off the air because it was a failure,
but now he claims it was a record-breaking hit.

Who provided the ratings he uses--the Battleground poll guy?

ha ha
Good one
Or maybe he paid Zogby to claim that?

BTW:  I'm not surprised that Herr Pig's website is popular; I visit everyday.
But I have a question:  When you click "back" from his homepage and are
returned right back to his homepage, does that count as one visit or two?

I call that a "wormhole."
Once he has you, you have to click "Home" to get away.
Pigboy and porno sites to that to people.

I mentioned that a while back, and ditto-monkeys wrote that I was lying,
but obviously others have been trapped by El Vulgarro, too.
Pigboy could have the hits he claims.
Drudge could have the hits he claims, too.

Funny - they don't have a visible counter, with the name of a reputable
company standing behind it so we can verify their grandios claims.
More horseshit from the king of horseshit.

 Shocking Endorsements

 "Two of the dimmer bulbs to light up the White House
   in the past century also happen to be two of the
   century's greatest leaders - FRD and Ronald Reagan."
    -- Ruben Navarette, in The Dallas Morning Whore

  I had never heard that FDR was an idiot until they tried
  to sell the notion that idiots could be great presidents.

  Is America really going to elect a complete idiot?

 Great Call Girl Quotes

 "Gore underestimates voters' intelligence, their ability to savor
   Clinton's successes while scorning his moral lapses even though
   they demonstrated they could handle such complexity when
   they stuck with the president during impeachment."
     -- Maureen Dowd, slut for hire

  Ms Dowd, it's not possible to underestimate the intelligence of the voters.
  If the voters are smart, why are they close to electing a total moron to run this planet,
  instead of an intelligent leader with eight year's experience in the White House,
  not to mention Senate and House experience?

 Great non -Endorsements

 "Bush is not only alarmingly underqualified for the office
  of the presidency, he also demonstrates little intellectual
  intrest in addressing that weakness."
  -- Eric Alterman, contributor to MSNBC

From: ickeyray@kscable.com

Subject: Bush's SS Plan

Hey Bartcop, man I love your site, found it about a year ago and am still reading it everyday.

Anyway, here's my question:
Smirk wants to let us little workers become stock market tycoons through our Social Security
savings, so if a $30,000 a year worker pays in and then sets aside 2% of that for playing the
market, that would mean you'd have about $36 a year to invest.

I'm drooling here at the prospect, aren't you?
Instead of that, I say "means test" the sucker, I mean hell, the richest people get the most
Social Secrurity too.  (Ain't it always the way)   If your annual income is say $100,000
I don't think you need another government bail-out.

Only the little people will put that money in the stock market   When I get my $36,
I'm going to open a steel factory and offer 2,000 high-paying jobs.

Smirk is a genius - voodoo works!

 Bush's military service questioned
    Is the dam breaking too late?


 But while the Bush campaign continues to raise questions about Gore's
 credibility, the Texas governor has not been able to escape questions
 about his own claims about his Vietnam-era service with the Texas
  National Guard, and whether he attended required drills in Alabama
 and Texas in 1972 and 1973.

 The Boston Globe reportedMonday that a group of Vietnam veterans in
 Alabama have offered a $3,500 reward for anyone who can verify Bush's
 claim that he performed service at a Montgomery unit in 1972, when
 Bush was in Alabama working on a political campaign.

 So far, the Globe reported, no one has come forward.

 There are no records of Bush's service and the commanding officer of the
 unit Bush was assigned to told the newspaper that he never saw him.
 Bush was also suspended from flight duty during this period for not
 taking his annual flight physical.

 A Bush campaign spokesman acknowledged to the Globe that he knows
 of no witnesses who can verify that Bush attended the drills.

 However, the Globe also quoted Major Thomas A. Deall of the Air Reserve
 Personnel Center that officials there believe, after looking at Bush's records,
 that he did meet minimum drill requirements before his discharge.

 Bush has declined the Globe's requests for an interview on the subject.

 Also, Sen Bob Kerrey (D-Goodbye, Bob) was on Chris the Screamer,
 (same network running the AWOL story on it''s dot.com) asking why Smirk
 was allowed the free ride on not showing up for duty. He said Bush's excuse
 is, "I'm just like Bill Clinton," which he promised he wasn't.

 Kerrey said, "What will President Smirk say when a National Guard member
 wants to avoid reporting for duty saying, "I'm just like the president."

 This is trouble - unless the press spread their cheeks to get Smirk elected.

 If Smirk or his camp had any brains, they'd have him come clean and apologize
 tonight so he could still have 5 days of "That's old news," but if Smirk let's it fester,
 like the infected cyst on Pigboy's butt, it could be good news for Gore.

 It's up to the American whore press, now.

 Welcome to Media Whores Online.

 We are an online magazine that takes an indepth look at the astonishingly vast and
 growing myriad of whores who call themselves "journalists". MWO casts a critical
 spotlight on the relentless screaming heads of television, the babbling paranoids of
 squawk radio, and the crayon scribblings of lazy print media  "columnists".

 Congratulations to the MWO Whore of the Week....Tim Russert!

 It seems Timmy feigned the most Bill Bennettesque, hypocritical,
 self righteous (but we repeat ourselves) outrage he could
 muster on Meet the Press Sunday, over the stupid question
 Gore was asked regarding a preference for "leather or lace".
 Poor Timmy couldn't believe such a question was asked in the
 serious and sober context of a presidential election...

 But Timmy himself is the worst offender when it comes to inane questions.  He
 asked the First Lady in her first Senate debate with Dick Lazio if she owed
 America an apology for trusting her husband.  And Timmy, when given the
 opportunity in a one-on-one interview to ask the Vice Leader of the Free World
 anything in the whole wide world - actually asked him whether a pregnant woman on
 death row should have a right to abortion.

 Yes, Timmy has more than earned the Whore of the Week distinction.
 And if there were an award for "fastest decline in credibility",
 Timmy would have a good chance of running away with that one, too.

 Way to go, Timmy!

Cher to Voters:
'Has Everyone Lost Their Fucking Minds?'

She dislikes politics and says she's not a registered Democrat.
But Cher is so panic-stricken at the thought of  Smirk leading the free world
that she's delayed the London recording sessions for the follow-up to Believe
so shecan do whatever possible to keep him out of office.

"Has everyone lost their f--king minds? Doesn't anybody remember
the Reagan-Bush years when people had no money and no jobs?
What has happened to people's memories?
It's like they have Alzheimer's or something."

The Oscar-Grammy winner talked to Wall of Sound from her home Friday.

"I don't like Bush," she said of George W. "I don't trust him. I don't like his record.
He's stupid. He's lazy. Some woman said to me she was voting for him because
she liked his dad, and I said, 'Good, because that's what you're getting.'

If somebody's claim to fame is that they signed a law
so that you can carry a gun to church oh, give me a break."

That the polls are even close that there's even a question in voters' minds
between Bush and has flabbergasted the usually unshockable superstar.

"If you're black in this country,
 if you're a woman in this country,
 if you are any minority in this country at all,
 what could possibly possess you to vote Republican?
 If you think the president is an ass, fine after four years
 you can vote him out.  But the Supreme Court that's 30 years!
 The Jerry Falwells of this world will be right in your back pocket.
 You won't have one fucking right left."

"I'm supposed to go out and talk to people this week and tell them
 that if you vote for Ralph Nader that's all well and good,
 but a vote for Nader is a vote for Bush."

 She said she stays in touch with the issues,
 partly just by talking with people wherever she goes.

"I have been traveling this country for 37 years," she said of her wide-ranging career.
"I know what's going on more than many of these politicians know. I don't want to see
 what happened years ago, happen again. The idea of old people eating dog food
 doesn't appeal to me. Call me old-fashioned. I just don't like it."

From: gtynerjr@mmcable.com

Subject: Voting Dates Changed

This Just In.................

"Due to an anticipated voter turnout much larger than originally expected,
  the polling facilities may not be able to handle the load all at once.

 Therefore, Democrats are requested to vote on Tuesday, November 7,
 and Republicans on Wednesday, November 8.

 Please pass this message along and help us to make sure that nobody gets left out."

From: jmartin@drunkenbastards.com

Subject: Nader

You know what's funny?

Nader harps about the Dems and the Republicans being no different
from one another, in spite of their obvious differences on abortion,
welfare, school prayer, education, affirmative action, gun rights,
gay rights, the environment, and so on.

That's not the funny part -- the funny part is that Nader and Buchanan
don't seem that much different than Gore and Bush.

Nader wants campaign finance reform. So does Buchanan.
Nader wants more local control. So does Buchanan.
Nader wants more protection of workers. So does Buchanan.
Nader wants to get the U.S. out of NAFTA and the WTO. So does Buchanan.
Nader is against big business and corporations. So is Buchanan.

Now, let's look at where Nader and Buchanan disagree:

Nader favors abortion rights. Buchanan doesn't.
Nader favors gay rights. Buchanan doesn't.
Nader favors more restrictions on guns. Buchanan doesn't.
Nader favors more environmental protection. Buchanan doesn't.
Nader favors welfare. Buchanan doesn't.
Nader favors affirmative action. Buchanan doesn't.
Nader favors restrictions on school prayer. Buchanan doesn't.
Nader is against school vouchers. Buchanan isn't.

Isn't that interesting?
Nader and Buchanan seem to only disagree in the same areas as Bush and Gore!

So, by Nader's own logic,
he and Buchanan are basically just "two heads of the same creature"
and "a vote for Nader is a vote for Buchanan," just as "a vote for Gore is a vote for Bush."

Well, hell, you've talked me into it, Ralph.
I'd rather "vote for" an idiot like Smirk
than a complete right-wing lunatic like Buchanan.
So it looks like I'll be voting Gore this time around.

Don't feel bad, though.
If the Green Party were to actually nominate a REAL candidate in 2004,
I might just be convinced to vote for him/her, since I live in Texas,
where leftists like me have the luxury of voting for whomever we want
without any "practical" considerations.

What a shame for the country that most Naderites don't.....

 Today's Page Two Girl has been with Superman, James Bond and Howie Long

 Click  Here

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was the best issue we've ever done.

 Go Home to  bartcop.com

Privacy Policy
. .