Volume 316 - Caught in a Tractor's Nuts
 November 2, 2000

 The BartCop Quiz  9 PM CST
 "We're having roast Bird."

  A real debate with gloves off.
  No moderator - no rules - no props - no shit.
  Watch the conservative dodge simple questions.
  Watch the slow-witted Catholic answer ALL questions.
 "Bum of the Week" starts right here at  bartcop.com  on the "new forum"
   If you miss is, you can always read it later,
    but you want to be able to say "I was there..."

 Update: Things never turn out like you'd think.
 Turns out, Bird was a gun-grabbing, condom-loving, anti-prayer-in-school
 socialist who was even more pro-choice than Rush and Steve Largent.
 It's hard to have a good debate when both sides are liberal.
 On top of that, he was polite and almost sheepish.

 I thought I had a conservative tiger by the tail,
 but I got a flaccid moderate, instead.

 If anyone knows of a conservative, maybe even one with a chip
 on his shoulder, it would make a much more entertaining debate
 than a polite fellow that mostly agrees with every thing I say.

 Click  Here  if you're curious about the debate you missed.

 What was better than the debate was the post-debate chatter.
 These poor people had to watch two know-nothings debate without being able to comment.
 When the gates opened they had lots to say.

 Click  Here for the post-debate chatter

 Thanks to  genslab  for making it work.
 We'll get to the regular treehouse in a bit.
 My boss has some work for me right now.

 I had another court date this morning.
 (I won, the streak continues...)

 To get inside the K-Drag County Courthouse, I had to go thru
 a metal detector like they have at the airport.

 That made me wonder...

 Since Smirk signed legislation that encourages people to bring their
 loaded and concealed guns to courtrooms all across the state of Texas,
 do they even bother with metal detectors there?
 If they do, what's the point?

 If the governor WANTS you to bring your loaded and concealed guns
 into the courtrooms of Texas, why bother with a metal detector?

 This is another example of the sheer idiocy of state laws.
 In Oklahoma, you can do prison time for attempting to bring a gun into
 the courthouse, but in Texas, they went out of their way to specifically
 encourage you to bring your loaded and concealed guns to court.

 ...and Smirk wants to make America more like Texas?

 How much does the GOP hate Bill and Hillary?

 The GOP will spend between 70 and 100 million dollars in a
 failed attempt to elect Lazio instead of Hillary.


 Hillary is only good for one Senate vote per issue, right?
 The GOP could take that same $100,000,000 and will THREE races
 in smaller states, which would give them THREE votes per issue.

 But noooooooooooooooooooooooo.

 They don't want to win, they want to screw with Hillary.
 Isn't that proof on insanity?

 I've never seen this mentioned anywhere but here, but the GOP
 doesn't mind losing their marriages, or their power, or their self-respect,
 or the offices they once craved so much (Newt, Livingston etc) as long
 as they have a fleeting chance to stick a shiv in a Clinton.

 They don't want to win - they want to be sure a Clinton loses.
 That's the definition of religious insanity, too.

 Stop, Pat, Stop!

 Pat Buchanan is using his $12,000,000 for radio ads.
 He's calling for, once again, a "cultural war" so the good people can
 "take back their country."

 Here's what the radio ads say:

 Friends, we're losing the country we grew up in.
 God has been expelled from our public schools.
 Christmas is gone. Easter is gone.
 Now we have "Earth Day," instead.
 George Washington's name has been taken off schools.
 The Boy Scouts are called a "hate group."
 In Vermont, homosexuals are treated like married couples.
 In Denver, they can't celebrate Columbus Day,
 because Columbus was an "evil European."

 Let's take a closer look:

 Friends, we're losing the country we grew up in.
 God has been expelled from our public schools.

 Pat, God was never enrolled in our public schools,
 so it's impossible for Him to have been expelled.
 Why would you want the federal government, which you hate,
 to be in charge of our children's moral upbringing, anyway?
 Are you insane?
 This is a question Bird will be forced to eat tonight.

 Christmas is gone. Easter is gone.
 Now we have "Earth Day," instead.

 We still have Christmas and Easter in Oklahoma, and we elect nothing
 but cavemen and ditto-monkeys to congress. Where do YOU live, Pat,
 where Christmas and Easter are "gone?"

 George Washington's name has been taken off schools.

 Not in K-Drag, it hasn't.
 We still have a George Washington High here.
 Where the Hell do you live, Pat?

 The Boy Scouts are called a "hate group."

 If the Boy Scouts restrict enrollment using the same criteria that
 the KKK uses, are they not, by definition, a hate group?

 In Vermont, homosexuals are treated like married couples.

 I don't know much about Vermont, but you've lied so much,
 I can only assume you're lying about this, too.  I know they passed
 a civil rights law there, but that hardl;y qualifies as "treated."
 Blacks were freed 135 years ago, and they're still not "treated" equal.

 In Denver, they can't celebrate Columbus Day,
 because Columbus was an "evil European."

 What power on Earth could possibly prevent Columbus Day
 from being celebrated if someone wanted to celebrate it?
 It's like prayer - it can't be stopped. It's impossible.
 Tell the truth, Pat.

 Pat, from the exact wording of your radio ads, it sounds like
 you're still a Republican, the way you lie and lie and lie.

 Great Ross Perot Quotes

 "There are men, and there are rabbits.
   You, Sir, are a rabbit."
   -- Ross Perot to President Bush, in the Oval Office, 1990

 El Vulgarro says Perot is on Larry King tonight, says he's going to
 endorse Gore because Smirk is a disaster and everybody knows it.
 I guess right now, Gore needs all the votes he can get,
 even if they're from the mentally defective.

 Rush also played a tape of Marlo Thomas, saying her husband Phil
 is crazy if he thinks Nader has a chance. She said all her husband is
 doing is helping to force a Smirk presidency on this poor country.

 Has anyone seen Pauly Shore since Smirk started his run for the White House?

 The latest in the Electoral quarrel...

 If Smirk wins the popular vote, and Gore the election,
 the Bush people vow a long, nasty fight. There's also confusion
 because the electors have NOT taken an oath to elect the person
 they've been told to elect by those they represent.

 You know what this means?
 A long, drawn out constitutional crisis.


 ...in the meantime, we'd still need a president, so Bill Clinton
 has graciously volunteered to stay on the job, as long as it takes,
 until this mess is settled to everyone's satisfaction,
 even if that process takes months or, Koresh for bid, years.

 If I know Clinton, (I do) he's going to use his surgical skills to
 help Gore just enough to win the election but not the pop vote.

 Clinton - the Patriot!
 Helping his country when they need him most!

 ha ha

 Bill Clinton, doing extra duty, because his nation needs him!

 I wonder, ...how did CNN's Candy Crowley get her nickname?

 Rush is warning his sheep not to be too upset because,
 "as we get closer to election day, Smirk's numbers will come down
  and it will appear that Gore is closing the gap."


 Paid-for whores like Zogby and others know judgment day is here.
 They have to get their phoney numbers in line with the election results,
 so Pigboy is claiming the last-minute Gore attack ads are working!

 Pigboy, how can you be so full-of-shit when you're transparent?

 Smirk in my mailbox.

 From: bushnews@georgewbush.com

 Subject: The Power of You

 In 1960, John F. Kennedy won Illinois, Missouri and New Jersey
 by a total of 40,829 votes.  Those 3 States were the difference.
 Those 40,829 votes were the difference.

 In 2000, the question is WILL YOU BE THE DIFFERENCE?

 Smirk is warning us.
 He may win if enough people don't vote for Gore.

 Smirk, when it comes to math, you're a real sparkler.

From: zippythepinhead@hotmail.com

Subject: Clinton in Esquire

Hey there BartcopÖHook Ďem Horns!

I know the president is really angry that the whores at Esquire lied
to him about the timing of the publication of their interview with him
-- Iím going to a newsstand at lunch to get a copy -- but I love this!

Not the interview, I havenít read that yet, but the cover photo.
Itís like a Rorschach test for cock hunters. Most people see a smiling
confident Bill Clinton, while the perverts in the American Nazi Party
(sorry, I can no longer dishonor my Republican friends by calling the
pundit class and right wing politicians in Washington "Republicans")
see something perverted. I know some Democrats are going to be
angry with Esquire, and for good reason, but Iím getting a kick out
of seeing the idiots flop and flail about this one.

Keep them flags flying, my friend.


Is Rush lying about his hits, too?
From:  http://biz.yahoo.com/fo/001101/1101weiner.html

Rushlimbaugh.com                 398,608
Marthastewart.com                276,998
Oprah.com                            203,838
Howardstern.com                  136,539

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, radio's self-proclaimed moral conscience,
draws too little Web traffic to make Nielsen/NetRatings' weekly audience
measurement counts. What makes this especially strange is that Dr. Laura
hawks her Web address on her show every few minutes.

She also has books and a TV program to spotlight her name in the public arena.
In September, Laura drew 184,000 unique surfers (mostly women) to her Web site.

Is that all?
ha ha
That makes me feel better a little better about my more-than 300 hits a day.
If I had a nationally syndicated talk show, I'd be ashamed of myself
if I couldn't draw more than 184,000 surfers to my site in a month.

Yesterday on his show, Rush was bragging that he had 1.3 million hits a day,
but this report from forbes.com says he's only getting 400,000 a week.

Would Steve Forbes lie about Rush?

Speaking of being a loser,

Paramount, which is distributing Dr. Laura's syndicated TV series has announced
that it will also produce/syndicate an hour-long daytime talk show with Caroline Rhea.

With reports that Ms. Rhea's show is on a "fast track", although supposedely aimed
for a September, 2001 premiere, there is much industry speculation that the show
could hit the air as early as January, and that it would be used to replace "Dr.Laura".

Reports claim that "Dr. Laura" is only committed to production through November
sweeps, but no decision has been made as to whether the show will go beyond that.

Those who think Caroline Rhea will replace Laura say that Laura's show could end
production soon, have first-run shows air until the sweeps end, go into reruns through
the month of December, Caroline Rhea could start taping in December, and be ready
to air as soon as early January.

Given the horrible ratings of "Dr. Laura on TV", I feel that the plug will be pulled
very soon and that instead of starting next September, Caroline Rhea's show will
begin taping in December and premiere as early as Tuesday, January 2nd!

 VCR Alert -
 NBC Tightens - Continues their incest-fest. The old man died last night,
 (probably, unless they put him in a coma) so now the young bride can have
 one of the sons she's been seducing. If this show had better writing and
 better acting, it might be a hoot, but it doesn't, so it ain't.

 West Wing - Had a very enjoyable episode last night.
 Sorking did the near-impossible - showing a Republican with a heart.
 It was nice to see the Democrat be the bad guy for once.
 The "sex" scenes between the President and his wife were funny, but the
 biggest laugh was when Charlie asked the First Lady if the two of them
 (Charlie and the First Lady) were going to have sex.

Angie Harmon show
 It's all good.

Kerrey blasts Bush on service
 By Walter V. Robinson, Globe Staff, 11/1/2000

Senator Bob Kerrey expressed disgust yesterday at evidence that Smirk
sidestepped National Guard duty for months in 1972 and 1973, a
lapse that Kerrey said amounts to Bush being AWOL - absent without leave.

''It upsets me,'' Kerrey said in an interview, ''when someone says,
`Vote for me, I was in the military,' when in fact he got into the military in
order to avoid serving in the military, to avoid service that might have
taken him into the war. And then he didn't even show up for duty.''

Bush, Kerrey said in an interview, ''needs to explain where he was when
he was supposed to be fulfilling his military obligation. If he is elected
president, how will he be able to deal as commander in chief with
someone who goes AWOL, when he did the same thing?''

Dan Bartlett, Bush's spokesman on the issue, said Kerrey's remarks were
''an outlandish claim to make in the closing stages of a campaign.''  Bartlett noted
that Bush received an honorable discharge and said Bush fulfilled his obligation.

(Editor's note: The price the Bush family paid to get an honorable discharge
  for the AWOL Smirk was not disclosed in this interview.)

Kerrey was reacting to a Globe article that cited evidence that Smirk stopped flying
after 22 months with his unit, then failed to report for required Guard drills. And six
months after he returned to his home in Houston, his superior officers wrote that
they had not seen him at his Houston air base for the previous year.
Shortly after that, Bush was given an early discharge.

Kerrey, expressing his anger at Bush's service record referred twice to Clinton
as a ''draft dodger,'' proving he's as loyal as Judas Steffie Maximus.

But, referring to Bush's attacks on Gore's character, Kerrey said Smirk has a moral
obligation to answer questions about where he was when he was supposed to be
attending National Guard training.

''For someone who wants to be commander in chief, this stinks,'' Kerrey declared.
''I can understand if he forgot a weekend. ...but 18 months?''

Bush has declined to be interviewed on the issue. Bartlett has said Bush did appear
for drills in Alabama. But there are no records that he did, and the commander
of the Alabama unit which Bush was assigned to in 1972 has said that
Lieutenant Bush never showed.

In both Alabama and Texas, Vietnam veterans and Gore partisans have
recently offered reward money for any Guardsman from that period who can
verify that Bush appeared for duty between mid-1972 and mid-1973.

Kerrey said he is amazed that Bush's military service has escaped any real scrutiny.
''Smirk got into the Guard because of his father,
  and he got out because of who he was,'' Kerrey said.

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was the best issue we've ever done.

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