Volume 321 - I Can't Remember

 November 6, 2000

 A Tribute to the Bird

 Click Here

Tech Update

VCR Alert - If anyone watches Ally McBeal these days,
 Doc Screech is dropping by to launch into Ally's sexual promiscuity.
 I'll bet David E. Kelley hates fascist whores as much as you and I do.
 Funny, Doc Harpy will be played by Florence Henderson, (Mrs. Brady)
 who is such a total fascist herself, she'd sell her soul for a chance to give
 Kenneth Starr a little bit of Monica. Yes - she's that far past normal,
 but tonight she's portraying the Wicked Bitch of the West.

 Update: The Doc Screech on Ally McBeal was good, not great.
 As the years go by, and people get faster modems,  we'll move forward
 technologically like having actual video instead of still pics with crappy
 audio that can best be described as "Hindenburg quality,"

 ...here is the Doc Screech from Ally McBeal.

 If you have DSL or T1 or T3 or satellite or something this will still take
 about nine minutes to download. If you have a 56K, don't bother.
 It's just a mean Republucan woman being really mean to a poor lady.

 Click  Here  to download the video mpeg.

 As chips and modems get faster, someday we'll have bartcop.com TV.

 Since tomorrow is the big night, I'm getting everything ready.
 Checking things out, testing the equipment, getting prepared...

 This is the shotglass we got the night we stayed at the Willard in DC.
 I guess that's the most we ever paid for a hotel.
 I know it's the most we ever paid for a shotglass.
 Trust me,
 when this election is over, I'm doing the Mexican Jail story first
 and then the 1988 DC story, then the Colorado 00 story...

 This is the Al Gore 2000 Chinaco Anejo ceremonial tequila.

 Yep, ready for the big night.

 Today's Page Two Girl is eating a banana
 You Catholic boys better skip this one.

 Click  Here

 Great Religio-Whore Quotes

“He’s not running for parent of the year.”
    --Bill Bennett, (R-Never convicted of rape in college) explaining why
       it was OK for Smirk's drunk ass to hide his criminal conviction (s?)

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "If you tax your own baby...
   if you tax your own baby...
   ...if you take care of your own baby, you might qualify for a Gore tax cut."
       --Captain Ischemic, third hour

 transient ischemic attack (TIA)
 a brief episode of cerebral ischemia characterized by invalid word substitution
 that is often predictive of more serious cerebral accidents --

 Breaking News...

 The DOW is at 10,991
 and ready to break the 11,000 mark.

 Thank Koresh that Smirk is here with his huge tax cut for the rich
 so we can get the "stagnant" economy moving again!!!



 Before the New Hampshire primary, Newsweek's Howard Fineman and Jonathan Alter
 interviewed Bush aboard his campaign bus. The subject turned to his college arrests.
 We asked Bush if he had ever appeared in court.

 Bush replied:  “I can’t remember...”

 Can't remember standing before a judge and saying, "Guilty, Your Honor?"
 Who on this planet is stupid enough to buy that explanation?
 Howard Fineman and Jonathan Alter of Newswhore magazine, that's who.

  ...and the scumbags let him go without reporting his weasel-talk,
 hoping desperately to get this moron's finger on the nuclear button.
 The media will do anything, and ignore everything to elect this no-brainer

 Fineman and Alter - you bastards call your self  reporters?
 Why didn't you report that?

From: (withheld)

Subject: The DUI Story


There is something very odd that's been touched on by your readers,
then passed over, and (of course) completely ignored by the national media.

Rush knew about the DUI story on Monday.
I must confess to never listening to the pig thing.  I've broken enough radios,
that I couldn't afford it anymore, and stopped listening to him.  And since all
of my conservative friends know he's an idiot, I decided that I only wanted
to debate "thinking" Republicans.  (But I digress.)

You reported that Rush said that a bomb was going to drop on Bush later
in the week, and "It's really not that bad."  Then, the bomb hits Thursday
night that appears to cause Bush no serious damage.

Following the genesis of the story, there's no way Rush could have known
about it unless he was speaking to someone who "fed the source."

This is what I'm thinking:  I believe that Rove thinks that you can cover up
big stories by providing the press with smaller ones that are ultimately trivial,
and once discarded, will remove any hunger on the part of the electorate for
more of the same.  By introducing the one DUI, and spinning it as a dirty trick,
the public will quickly demand an end to this type of negative campaign.

After the "debate video" game, Rove realized it is no use to feed members of
the Gore team directly, so he picked an obvious Democrat who does not answer
to the Gore campaign.  The object is to get the leak out at the last minute, giving
the Republicans plenty of opportunity to spin "dirty trick," but no time for the press
to investigate the issue prior to the election.  At the same time, the public hears
"dirty trick" and says, "we're tired of mud slinging."

As the Republican Minister of Propaganda, it would be necessary for Rush to know
of the leak and the required spin to prepared for how to indoctrinate the masses.

What do you think?
Jim H.


 Click  Here  for the excellent online version

 Click  Here  for the lesser, forever version

 Thanks to Pearly

 Here's a shipload of e-mail addresses,
 in case something happens tomorrow and you
 want to express your opinion to the masses.

 Click  Here

 Sad but True Quotes

"Clinton's job approval rating surpasses Reagan's in his final days.
  Too bad Algore has put his party's most potent weapon in a lockbox. "
      -- Margaret Carlson, from her column in TIME whore magazine

 Why, Al, why?

Betty Bowers onstage with Smirk and Gasp

Betty: Just one more day, boys, and we can let Brother
           Falwell and Brother Robertson out of their cage!

Gasp: BIG time!

 President Smirk barred from Canada


 Luckily for Bush, if he is elected president of the United
 States Nov. 7 and is invited to any gatherings of heads of
 state in Canada, since his offense is more than five years old,
 there are ways for him to gain entry without breaking federal law.

 “He is going to have to go through what’s called the
  rehabilitation process. The rehab takes a while and it would
  be somewhat demeaning for a president of the United
  States. He would have to go through a series of steps,
  including getting letters from friends saying he has cleaned
  up his act. If he wanted to come to Canada before
  completing the lengthy rehab process, he would need the
  permission of a senior immigration official,” immigration
  lawyer Colin R. Singer tells ABCNEWS.

 How embarrassing it would be to have a criminal for president!!
 Didn't Smirk say the whole point of his campaign was
 to start holding the president to a higher standard?

 Smirk is a confessed, convicted criminal, but that's OK for Bill Bennett,
 Laura the Martyr, the vulgar Pigboy and the money-grubbing religio-whores.

     Vote for me
      I deserve it.
      I'm rich and stupid.

 Great She-Thing Quotes

  I don't know about you, but I want a man of character in the White House.
 George W Bush admitted his mistake, he owned up to it,
  and he says he learned from his mistake - that takes leadereship."
   -- Dr Laura, third hour 11/6

 Dr. Laura, you are a lying slut.
 Smirk didn't admit shit until proof of his crime was published.
 Why do you think he said, "I wanted to protect my girls?"
 You think he said that because he was honest and up-front?

 He said that AFTER he got caught, just like you did.
 You, Laura-slut, said those naked pictures weren't of you!
 But when they were published you had to admit the truth.
 Just like Bill Clinton - who didn't admit shit until Starr's goons and the
ditto-monkey unconstitutional Supreme Court clowns dropped the ball.

 By the way, isn't that the same excuse Ross Perot (R-Defective) used when he pussied out
 of the presidential race way back 1992?

 "I wanted to protect my daughter from the evil Republican Hate Squads
  who were going to publish faked lesbian photos of her."

 So now, Perot fucking rewards the GOP hate squads with his endorsement.
 Ross, there are men, and there are pussies.
 You, Sir, are a pussy.

 So here are the facts, and nobody can dispute them:

 Clinton lied until he was forced to tell the truth about Monica.
 She-Thing lied until she was forced to tell the truth about straddling the camera lens.
 Smirk lied until he was forced to tell the truth about drunk-driving.

 ...but Clinton is the bad guy?

 Between spreading my legs for a stranger - and DWI - and having a semi-affair
 with a young woman, I'd rather plead guilty to Clinton's "crime," than either of
 the offenses committed by Smirky or the spread-legged whore.

 There's no honesty left anymore - fucking anywhere.

 Breaking News - Click  Here to see the LA cops shoot kidnappers LIVE 10 AM CST
   (When you get there, click the YAHOO button)

 While watching live TV coverage of the Target store hostage situation
 I saw a political commercial about LA District Attorney Gil Garcetti.

 Remember him?
 He said there was such a mountain of evidence, he was certain OJ
 would plead guilty to murdering his wife and save LA the cost of a trial.
 What a nut.
 He has smirk for brains.

 The ad I saw said Garcetti gave shorter prison sentences
 to the children of  BIG TIME  campaign contributors.

 ...that would make him a Republican, right?

 Are Steve Tyler and Joe Perry still in Aerosmith?

 The reason I asked, I just heard a song on the radio that rocked!
 The DJ said it was Aerosmith, but it wasn't a weepy, sugary ballad about
 how much you'll miss me when my dead ass is gone, and it didn't suck donkey
 so it couldn't be Aerosmith, right?

 I'm telling you, this song was a real rock song!
 They said it was from the Charlie's Angels soundtrack.

 Can anybody tell me who this new group is?
 Like I said, it sounded like Tyler's voice - except it rocked!
 The guitar sounded like Joe Perry - except it rocked!

 Who is this new group?

Jay Leno on the Tonight Show, November 3, 2000:
 from Voltai29 News - the best on the net  (and it's free)

Guess you know who's in the news tonight?
 .... George Anheiser Bush!!

Now we know what the W stands for. . .
"Where's my car?"

The Officer who arrested him was on tv today.  He said:
Mr. Bush was very nice, very conservative.  (Actually, Bush was just
grateful he didn't find the cocaine under his seat!)

Now we know why he didn't admit it all these years. . . His sister was
in the car with him.  And who the hell would admit he went drinking with his
own SISTER? !

You've heard of Reagan-Democrats.
NOW we have a Ted Kennedy-Republican !

Actually, Bush was going to write a press release about it earlier this year. .
.but it took him all year 'cause he couldn't figure out how to spell D-U-I !

Now that they're talking about Bush's DUI, we find out Cheney had TWO.
New ticket - DRUNK and DRUNKER !

Guess we know why we should vote for Bush.
. .. JUST to get him OFF the HIGHWAY!

A Smirk victory would be a Koresh-send for every comic in America.

From: Harkov57@aol.com

Subject: Partisan victory predictions

I noticed how you said it annoyed you that all the Democrats
predict Gore will win, while all the Republicans say Smirk will win.
Well in the Nov. 5th Washington Post, there's something in the 'Outlook'
section that surprised me, and which may surprise you:

William Kristol, the arch-conservative editor of the Weekly Standard, says
Gore will win both the popular vote and the electoral vote.  But then he says
that Lazio will win and both houses of Congress will stay Republican.

Something's wrong here.

Chris ("The screamer") Matthews says Gore will lose the popular vote but win
the electoral vote.  He also says the Democrats will win back the House, and
that Hillary will win easily.

Ben Stein the asshole says that the Democrats will get the house back, but
then turns around and predicts a Bush win in California (where Bush was
behind by 8 last I checked) and a Lazio victory in New York (where he's
behind by even more).

Interestingly, the two most conservative predictions were made by (drumroll please)
WOMEN!  Yep, Mary Matalin (what can she and Carville possibly have in
common?) and Peggy Noonan (the anti-Clinton bitch) each predicted Smirk
victories of over 50% of the popular vote and more than 300 electoral votes.
Each also predicts Republicans holding onto all of Congress and a Lazio

Tell me, are these people crazy, or just plain stupid?


Craig, you pretty much nailed it.
Matalin is extremely partisan.
Peggy Noonan is a lying bitch.
Ben Stein is an inhuman asshole.
Matthews wins the screaming whore-liar-traitor trifecta.
and Kristol is one of those BartCop Republicans
who has a reputation for speaking the truth now and then.

I'm glad nobody's asking for my predictions,

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The following is Monday's estimate of the state
of the Electoral College between Smirk and Fuzzy, showing Smirk within 35 votes
of the 270 needed to turn this country back to the fifties.

Bush has 235 votes solid or leaning toward him.

Gore has 207 votes.

96 votes are too close to call.

Where will YOU be tomorrow night?

 Christian Mitchell-Livemore Attacks!

 Click  Here

 I'm glad she's on our side...

From: topwatchdog@earthlink.net

Subject:  Desperate Measures: George W. Bush & Abortion

Note: Apparently, the source of this story was due to go public
this week via publisher Larry Flynt, but found out that Flynt was planning
to make a tabloid sale, and changed her mind. Like George W. Bush's
intervention in commuting the sentence of serial killer Henry Lee Lucas,
this is a story that is circulating in the press packs, but that few people
want to touch at the eleventh hour of the 2000 U.S. presidential election.

In the winter of 1971 George W. Bush was dating a woman named Robin Lowman
(now Robin Garner). Miss Lowman became pregnant by Smirk and he arranged for
her to have an abortion - which in the great state of Texas in 1971 was very illegal!
Not to mention that George W. is running as a pro-life candidate for the presidency.

The unnamed source of this story, was a friend of Robin Lowman's and the girlfriend
of the man who arranged the abortion. His name is Robert Carl Chandler.  Chandler is
a Bush friend and supporter from way back and he made the arrangements for Miss
Lowman's abortion at the Twelve Oaks Hospital in Houston, TX (now the Bayou City
Medical Center). The source overheard the call by Mr. Chandler to arrange the abortion
and the source visited Robin Lowman at the Twelve Oaks Hospital after the procedure.

The source meanwhile, is afraid of coming forward, saying that she was threatened by
Chandler and another Bush friend and supporter named Jim Bath.  Bath has longstanding
intelligence connections, and played a role in the BCCI scandal. Robin Lowman
(now Garner) is married to Jerry Lee Garner who is an FBI agent.

So, that's the story: an illegal back room abortion arranged by the
Republican party Presidential candidate who is running on a pro-life ticket.

Roger, thanks for that Breaking News.

Look at what the American whore press is doing:
They're trying their goddamndest to get the smirking idiot elected
so they can destroy him with his past crimes after he's sworn in.

They could've spilled the beans on the brainless puppet during the campaign,
but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
That way, they'd only get a few weeks of fun out of it. This way, they can torture
the Cotton Candy Kid for months and months, ripping the country apart
with another impeachment investigation, and finally installing Dick Cheney,
which conspiracy theorists have said was the goal all along.

I don't buy the conspiracy stuff,
but I'll buy the whore theory - because it's true!
We're about to elect a drunk-driving, baby-killing moron to lead the world!

Remember today, the day before the election.
Remember her name - Robin.

Yep, I picked the wrong year to get sober...

 Mario Says So

 Click  Here

From: Czarveillance@aol.com

Subject: Scary!!!

I understand that Bush Voters are either stupid, uninformed, nazis,
or have picked up one Repug issue they vehemently believe in and
vote that way instead of seeing the big picture.

I read something yesterday that scared me...
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
Please tell me this can't be true!

By the way, Tina Fey hit several nails on their heads during Weekend Update.


David, that is scary.
Maybe humor will get us thru America's fascist period.

Tine Fey was good, I have a couple of clips below.

 Did you notice the new live web cam link at the top of this page?
 As I get more time, I'd like to add a lot more cameras.

 So far, we have some Vegas cams, a K-Drag cam, a cam they said
 was going to show Denali in Alaska, but all I see is downtown Anchorage.
 So far, the best one is the Eagle Cam.

 I'm not sure if that's an eagle or Edgar Winter walking away,
 but as time goes by, maybe he'll turn around.

 If you know of a cool live web cam, send me the URL.

From: (withheld)

Subject:  bartcop.com blocked

They have cut off my access to your site here at work,
They turned on WEBSENSE here at work, which blocks all humor sites,
as well as a wide variety of other sites.  But   bartcop.com   was one of the
first to be blocked, and the WebSense message was what frosted my nuts.

Here is the message I get from WebSense:

Access to  bartcop.com  is restricted at this time.
The Websense category "Racism/Hate" is restricted.
You requested: http://www.bartcop.com/

But when I go to http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/today

That's scary...

bartcop.com  is a racist/hate page, but Rush Limbaugh's version
of America is approved for everybody's eyes?

Has the election already taken place?
Did we lose the White House and the Senate and the House?
Did Bush, Delay and Lott pass a "no political humor" law?
Did America vote itself into a fascist state?

...and you people wonder why I have guns.

 Great Jewish Quotes

 If you want your car to go forward, you put it in "D."
 If you want to go backwards, put your car in "R."

 Call Smirk - 512-463-2000      Ask him to drop out, for the good of the country

"I've never kissed a man with a moustache.
  Let's you & me get naked for 30 minutes.
  You can call the shots and I'll do ya real good..."

From: (withheld)

Subject: George Will on Bush's, well, "brain," I guess

Yo, Mr. Cop,

George Will defended Bush's dimmest-bulb outlook by trying to make Al Gore
look just too durned smart. Too smart to be the President of the entire country.
Too smart to hold the most complicated job on the planet.
He chose this example, where Gore is eloquent and
Bush is a three-year-old kicking the back of your airplane seat:

For the official World Series magazine, Al Gore and George Bush
provided written answers to some questions, including
“What do you think of domed stadiums?”

Gore’s complete answer was:

     “The design and construction of domed stadiums — in Seattle, Houston
and Minnesota for example, have been feats of architectural and engineering excellence.
But the real measure of any stadium, domed or otherwise, is how much fun you have inside.”

Bush’s complete answer was:

“I like to go to baseball games outdoors.”

 Damn fine excellent e-mail, Dave.
 I like printing it, because it says so much.

 First thing I noticed during the reading was that George Will,
  who scientific evidence has proven is more stupid than a goddamn monkey,

 was trying to do was convince the reader that Gore was the butt of this joke.

 Second thing I noticed is how miserably he failed.
 Look at the damn question:
 “What do you think of domed stadiums?”

 The question wasn't only about baseball.
 The question was about the person's opinion of the worth or value of
 domed stadiums compared to, we must assume, open-air stadiums.

 Smirk, apparently, assumes that domes stadiums are limited
 to baseball games and can be used for no other purpose.
 Some baseball teams wouldn't even exist if they weren't
 sharing a stadium and expenses with a football team

 In three years, the Super Bowl will be played in Detroit.
 Detroit is where my former friend Papax7 lives.
 (I guess he didn't like the air-tight case I built against him that proved that he had more
  loyalty to radio whore Rush Limba than to Jesus Christ.  He is now silent.)

 Even Papax7 knows the Super Bowl is usually played in late January.
 Even Papax7 knows that January in Detroit is colder than Rush's heart
   when he sees some homeless kids from his limosine on Christmas Eve.
 Even Papax7 knows that the Super Bowl would never be played outdoors
   in a northern state because of the weather.

 So what does this tell us?

 1. Gore is smart enough to answer the question, and not only that, he answered
 with an intelligent list of facts to support that he knew what he was talking about,
 but threw in some folksy humor at the end to show he's a real guy.

 2. Smirk is too stupid to answer the question put to him, he can only recite the
 pre-scripted answers given to him by Rove and Hughes, and he got scared
 because this question wasn't on the list so he gave his usual fluffy riff,
 "If it's good I'm for it, and if it's bad I'm against it."

 3. Whoever wrote it has the question-writing skills of a House manager.

 4. George Will is a partisan, clumsy liar and a fucking moron.

 The Republicans have a new trick

 Watching the McLaughlin Whores yesterday, every time McLaughlin
  mentioned Smirk's drunk-driving problems, Michael Barone would say,
 "Bill Clinton raped Juanita Broddrick around the same time."

 A few minutes would go by, then John would mention drunk-driving,
  so Michael Barone would start into it again:
  "Bill Clinton raped Juanita Broddrick around the same time."

 That's their defense:
 Smirk might've driven drunk, but Bill Clinton is a rapist.

 Tony Blankly, a former prosecutor, just sat there and let him go on.
 Eleanor just sat there, too afraid to challenge him on it.

 You'd think a former prosecutor would know the difference between
 a guilty plea in court and a tabloid allegation made by a woman who
 wanted to get a piece of that wild anti-Clinton money that's going around.

 Things are getting worse.
 There's nobody on our side fighting back.

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was the best issue ever.

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