Volume 326 - Where is B-1's Dog?

 Great Republican Quotes

 "Al Gore has two choices here...
  - he can be a patriot or a litigant."
     -- some right-wing attorney hired by Fox

 This moron doesn't realize SMIRK has turned litigant,
 which, according to his logic, proves that Smirk isn't a patriot.

 Have you ever seen an elephant cry?

 ha ha

 Sign in the crowd in Florida:

 If you can read this,
 you must be a Republican

 ha ha

 Have you heard the latest?
 The judge who got the Petition
 (I don't know which one, there's too much to follow)
 is married to a man who contributed to Gore's campaign.

 Maybe next election, we should just vote with our keyboards.

 Damn, I'm jealous.

 Turn on C-Span right now (2:47 CST)
 That cheese-fries Prime Minister guy is debating his challenger

 ...and it's a real debate!!!!!!

 It's a real debate with interruptions and confrontations
 and charges of "horse hockey!" and everything.

 ...and they're NOT being extra-nice to each other.

 Koresh, those Canadians must've been wondering what kind of
 wimped-out pussies are running America when we have our "debates."

 Smirk and Fuzzy spent so much time kissing each other's ass
 the average citizen STILL couldn't make a decision,
 whihc is part of this Florida problem.

 If you read this in time, check it out


 Now Fox News is saying Smirk is ahead in New Mexico?

 ...by FOUR votes?

 The fix is in...

 Gore's going to lose this election.
 Smirk Daddy's calling in all his CIA favors.
 They want to win this no matter what they have to do.

 This is getting too stupid for words.
 I pity the writers on SNL.
 Parody is hardest when you're surrounded by absurdity.

 2 PM
 John King, CNN's White House stooge, says Smirk signed a bill
 into law in Texas in 1996 that says, "If a recount is needed,
 it shall be done by hand since that's a more reliable method."

 That proves this "machine only" recount idea Baker is pushing
 is just more proof Smirk doesn't want the people's will to prevail.

 This is getting funnier than a Saturday Night Live skit

 Now they're saying New Mexico is back in the who-the-hell-knows column.
 Isn't it time we just voite on the 22nd Amendment,
 let Clinton stay in office another four years and both parties get new and
 better candidates for the 2004 race?

 I just noticed...

 Since the campaign is over, Smirk is no longer surrounding
 himself  with little brown and black children anymore.

 For the last year, it was nearly impossible to get a picture of Smirk
 when he wasn't rubbing some black kid's head - but no more.

 I guess he won't see any black children until he runs again in 2004

 MSNBC reports that a Miami policeman says he's got a box of ballots
 in the evidence room of a Miami police station. He just testified to this
 at an NAACP hearing.

 Looks like Jeb Bush got caught again.

 9:40 CST - watching James Baker on CNN

 It's funny.
 Twice Baker has had to catch himself in mid-word because twice he's almost said,
 "We have to respect the will of the pe...the results of the balloting."

 For 18 months, Smirk has been talking about "the will of the people"
 and now that the will of the people has gone against them, they have to
 rewire their rhetoric to make it fit the new situation.

 I've been watching CNN this morning, so I guess it's partly my fault.
 They keep whining that they're getting 10,000 e-mails and it's clogging
 their system and they're so afraid their system will crash.

 I thought you guys were a world-wode news reporting agency?
 We don't care if you're so damn proud of your e-mail.
 Sure, I whined some about mine (which is exploding, too)
 but I'm one person with a modem, and you're goddamned CNN.

 So stop whining!

 CNN is also getting wood running results from a poll saying 69 percent
 think Smirk will win this and 19 percent think Gore will.

 Maybe if they keep hammering and hammering and hammering that point home,
 the people will eventually choose the easiest route our of this mess and start
 urging the Gore camp to give up the fight.

 That seems to be what CNN wants.

 Hacks’ Story Line: Down With Gore!
   by Smokin' Joe Conason

 What will not be changed regardless of the outcome of the 2000 Presidential election
 - and it should be said that, as this is being written on the afternoon of Nov. 7, the result is unknown
 - is the awe-inspiring awfulness of campaign coverage by the national political press.

 Click  Here

 CNN is quoting the front page of the New York Whore Times saying
 "top Democrats in Washington" are thinking about urging Gore to give up.

 I guess Matt Drudge heard that rumnor, so the Whore Times jumps
 and does whatever Matt tells them to and that makes me fucking sick.

 The New York Times is as big a whore as any tabloid in America.
 I'm so old, I remember back when they were respected.

 Isn't that sad?

 Perfect Example

 The vulgar Pigboy compared the Gore strategy to that of Johnnie Cochran:

"There doesn't seem to be any end, and that bothers me, especially when I listen
  to the Gore spokespeople all saying this can't possibly end by five o'clock Wednesday.
  That tells me that the vote count isn't the last word with these people
  – which, I gather, would be true even if they won."
    --Rush, on his hate radio showthis week

 This is a PERFECT example of another way Rush can lie to his sheep.
 Everyone in the country knows these facts:

 Smirk is ahead by 300-400 votes, but there are THOUSANDS of ballots in the mail.
 Nobody can end this until those mail ballots come in.

 Pigboy knows that.
 Even his idiot sheep know this, or would if they had brains and a TV.
 But he puts out wild-ass poppycock like the above quote.

 Why would he say something so obviously and blatantly untrue?

 Why is  bartcop.com  the only place that calls him on this?

 Rush knows this process can't end until the 17th when FLORIDA STATE LAW
 says the last of the mail votes must be counted. This is just another example of the
 insane horseshit that Rush is allowed to repeat again and again and again and again
 until his mind-numbed robots start writing letters to the editor and calling C-Span
 and other shows repeating the same senseless horseshit.

 And when Rush goes on a show like Chris the Screamer's, or goes on CNN
 with Wolf the Whore or on Fox with Paula Von Zahn, they will NEVER call him on
 his lies because he's good for a half-million viewers and those whores need the ratings.

 Conservative Challenge

 Let one conservative stand up and explain this blatant Pigboy lie.
 I dare you, but I know you can't because we both know he's lying.
 Let one conservative come forward and explain his clumsy lie.

 You can't.

 BartCop wins again.

 Another Page Two Girl and a cigar might help ease the tension...

 Click  Here

 Great Smirky Quotes

 It's in our country's best interest that we plan in a
  responsible way for a possible administration.
    - Smirk, after a meeting with advisers.

 Smirk, you're not half the man your daddy is.
 You're not half the man Bob Dole is.
 America's best interest's would be for you to go back to
 pretend-running Texas and let the adults run the country.

From: zeljko.jurjevic@zg.tel.hr

Subject: Karen Hughes texas cheerleader mom killer

is it just me or does karen hughes remind you of that crazy woman in texas
who tried to kill another mother over a cheerleading incident?

ha ha

 I have a question.

 Let's say you were in a hueueueuge bar in Austin the morning much-beloved Texas
 played the hated Oklahoma Sooners in the biggest OU-Texas game in 15 years.

 Let's say you passed ballots around this hueueueuege Austin bar before the game
 asking which team was going to win the big, nationally televised game today.

 The vote came back 660 for the Longhorns, and ten for the Sooners.
 Wondering what the problem is, you check the ballots of the ten who voted
 for Oklahoma and found out those ballots were printed "funny."

 Turns out, they punched the Sooners hole next to the words "Texas Longhorns."

 So the question is, do they really love the Oklahoma Sooners in Austin?
 Or do you think the problem might be with the ballots?

         Mugabe aide offers advice on democracy to US

               A Zimbabwean politician has told the Americans it was time they started
               taking lessons from his country in how to run a democratic election.

            After the chaos and confusion in the US presidential race, the campaign manager
            for Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe said they would have faced international
            criticism and threats of sanctions if some of the problems in the US election had
            happened in their country.

            Jonathan Moyo told the BBC that in the US there had been ballots not counted,
            votes going missing and Republican candidate George Bush's brother had been
            involved in overseeing the election in Florida.

            He said: "Perhaps now we have reached a time when they can learn a lot from us.
            Maybe Africans and others should send observers to help Americans deal with
            their democracy."

            Mr Moyo also said it did not make sense that one candidate could win the most
            votes and not become President, as could happen with vide president Al Gore.

            "We could not get away with something like that in Zimbabwe without the threat
            of sanctions," said Mr. Moyo.

            President Mugabe's Zanu PF party won the election in Zimbabwe earlier this year
            amid widespread international concern about the way the election in the
            southern African republic was run.

ha ha

Ann Coulter is Washington's new Monica.
She's always on her knees, sometimes just for free french fries.
And if that wasn't true, why wouldn't she sue me?

 Great Comic Quotes

 This Florida election shit has gotten out of hand...
 Blacks were being turned away, and they were given proper ballots.
 It was so bad, in one county,
 blacks couldn't vote until they made free throws from half-court.
   - Chris Rock, 11-10-00

 Ralph Nader stomps out thew will of the people after his short-sighted,
 self-aggrandizing meddling gave the presidency to that idiot Smirk.

Good move, Ralph.
Maybe Smirk will appoint you to a cabinet position as a reward.

Don't you Nader voters feel extra-stupid now?
We TOLD you you were voting for Smirk.

Smirk is going to give us war and recession.
We're going to lose men overseas because you elected that
moronic bungler by playing "fun games" with Nader and your vote.

Goodbye stock market, clean air and civil rights.
Hello voluntary pollution guidlines and oil drilling rigs in Yellowstone.

Thanks, Nader voters.

 I had to DL an html program to edit tonight's The Latest.
 While it was downloading, it said I had 6 minutes to kill, so I hit "Games."
 I don't do games, but I wanted to see what was there.

 I saw 6-8 games, one was Donkey Kong.

 Remember I said I worked for that vending guy?
 Back around 1981, the video game craze was just hitting K-Drag.
 My boss was the hot dealer, and he was selling the big, upright video
 games by the truckload. He got a special price on the original Donkey Kong.
 He bought so many of these arcade games, he couldn't store them all,
 so he he asked if he could put some in the garage of Bartcop Manor.

 I said, "Sure, if we can open one and play with it."
 He agreed.

 So the next night, I had $45,000 worth of Donkey Kong in my garage.
 I bet you don't know anyone else who can say that.

 So, anyway, I'm wasting time in this "Games" folder,
 saw Donkey Kong,  and for old time's sake I clicked on it.


 With the bad-ass video card I bought when I had all that ADM money,
 I'm suddenly looking at a really cool 3-D jungle and instead of Mario,
 I control the gorilla walking towards the rolling barrels. The first barrel
 hit the monkey and I decided the game was a loser.

 "Fuck this," I thought to myself, so I hit "Exit Game."

 Then a window came up and said,
 "Are you SURE you want to exit the Donkey Kong game?"

 ...and then it hit me.

 Doesn't it figure?
 When you're rtying to exit a Donkey Kong game,
 the computer asks if you're sure that's what you want to do.

 But if you're a Florida Jew who just accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan,
 nobody asks you, "Are you sure you want to vote for Pat Buchanan?"

 No, they weren't asked that, because that's not important.
 What's important is whether or not the free video game should re-load or not.

 Picking the leader of the planet is a knee-jerk reflex that can't be corrected,
 but to exit a Donkey Kong game - you must be certain of your decision.

 Hillary Calls for Abolition of Electoral System

 Hillary has called for the abolition of the Electoral College.
 She pledged to be a co-sponsor of legislation that would provide for
 the direct election of the president and vice president.

 By weighing in immediately and forcefully on one of the country's most
 contentious issues, she also signaled that she does not intend to shrink
 from the prominent national role she has played as first lady.

 "I have thought about this for a long time," Mrs. Clinton said.
 "I've always thought we had outlived the need for an Electoral College,
 and now that I am going to the Senate, I am going to try to do what I can
 to make clear that the popular vote, the will of the people, should be followed."

 "We are a very different country than we were 200 years ago," Hillary said.
 "We have mass communications, we have the mobility to knit our country together
 that was not conceived of at the time of the founders' proposals about how we elect
 our presidents. I believe strongly that we should respect the will of the people."

 Hillary, I love ya, but that'll never work.
 If we went to the popular vote, we might end up with intelligent leaders from
 places like New York, Chicago, Boston or San Francisco.

 This way, our leaders come from Texas, Georgia, Mississippi and Tennessee.
 The idiotic Electoral College gives hayseed hick-boners an edge.
 We don't want our best and brightest leading this country.

 Can I say one thing about the election in 2004?
 Fuck Iowa, and fuck New Hampshire.

 Why should that 1 percent of America decide who's going to be president?
 There are donut shop owners in Des Moines and Manchester that have met the
 last six presidents and I've never even seen one - that's horseshit.

 Why don't we rotate that huge responsibility?
 Let's let Oregon and Wisconsin pick our next president.

From: footlighters@goes.com

so glad i happened by it
visit every day
much smarter than rush
of course my dog is smarter than rush


ha ha

Gwen, thanks, I think...

 Some really good top-shelf comedy here.
 A skit from last night's Chris Rock.
 This is cold, blue and written better than a Patsy Ramsey ransom note.

 (Don't write and tell me it has the "F' word.
  I know it does.
  It's also the best election commentary I've heard this month.)

 By the way, did anybody watch that video short I put up?
 It was the Doc Screech segment of Ally McBeal last week.
 What a bitch!

 My counter says I had over 900 hits since Monday night
 but nobody has mentioned the avi of Doc Harpy.
 Oh well, as time goes by, more people will get the short movies.

 So here we go with our top-flight comedy.
 These will take time to DL, but you won't hear anything funnier on this insane Florida crap.

 Click  Here  to hear clip one as a .

 Click  Here  to download clip one as an MP3  (to save forever)

      Wanda Sykes - The funniest woman in America?

 Click  Here  to hear clip two as a .

 Click  Here  to download clip one as an MP3 (to save forever)

 You can say it's only funny because of the bad words,
 but the "bad words" are proof  that it's real - not horseshit.

 Don't you wish you could just turn him off?

From: goofy@z.com

Subject: You are just depressed, and will get over it

Although the write-in ballots aren't counted yet, it appears that the on-street die
is cast and W has squeaked it out.  Take the high road and face facts.  Your guy lost.

A few points:
If it was Illinois (with the Daley's in charge of the bulk of votes) we were waiting for
recounts in rather than Florida (with Jeb Bush at the helm), you would be defending
the process as upright and wholesome and that we should just wait for the results.

That's crazy talk. You must've heard Rush say that.
Why would you even suggest such a silly thing?

My benchmark - if Hillary says that we should do away with the Electoral College,
we should keep it.  If George Will says we should keep it, we should keep it.


Don't you know about George Will?

George Will is wrong more often than a fucking chimp.
Look at the chart. He's more stupid than the monkey.

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was the best issue ever.

 Go Home to  bartcop.com


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