Volume 327 - The Funky Alfonso

 November 14, 2000 

 A brief history of time

 In 1992, draft-dodging, dope-smoking, skirt-chasing KGB agent Bill Clinton kicked the
 living shit out of World War II boat-strafer George herbert-herbert Bush.
 (Bush laid down to help bury his Iran-Contra crimes, but that's another story.)

 Richard Mellon Scaife didn't like that, so he started "seeding" the trailer parks
 of Arkansas in an attempt to find low-class women with no self-exteem who
 would be willing to sell their dignity, their privacy, their marriage, their kids,
 (and as a bonus, their ugly bodies to Penthouse magazine) in an attempt to
 tie up the president with one frivolous lawsuit after another.
 Mr. Scaife was surprised how cheap trailer park tramps were in Arkansas.

 Amazingly, the Supreme Clowns went along with this idiotic scheme.

 But Clinton outwitted these cock-hunters and that made them very angry.
 In 1996, this same draft-dodging, dope-smoking, skirt-chasing president kicked
 the living shit out of another World War II veteran, this time it was a real hero.

 This angered the Knuckledraggers even more, so they took things into their own hands.
 (To their credit, they didn't use a 30.06 this time.)

 The myriad of pyramid schemes of different "gates" came up drier than Kato Burn
 watching Gone With the Wind in the dark with a vibrator and a nice Chianti.
 Robert Fiske tried and tried and tried but couldn't find any evidence of wrong-doing.

 So - they went to "Plan B."

 While Bob Barr started drafting impeachment papers, the white-power triumverate of
 Helms, Sentelle and Wholecloth fired get-nothing-done Fiske and hired famed tobacco
 whore Hardon Kenneth Starr to find something - anything - on this interloper Clinton.

 Still nothing, so the panic set in. Thanks to the skill and genius of Bill Clinton,
 all the gates were swinging against the people who brought the suits.

 Finally, like manna from Heaven, Monica opened her mouth once to often.
 Linda Tripp called Luci the Bat who called Matt the Egg Beater and it looked like
 they were finally going to be able to overturn the election of this Phillistine!.

 But Clinton whipped them like a runaway slave.
 Like the Little Engine that Couldn't, the GOP failed again and again.

 Proving that even unevolved species can learn, the GOP decided that for Algore
 they were going to "nip it in the bud," and have Jeb fix this year's Florida ballots
 and here we are, smack in the middle of Impeachment II.

 Will they get away with it?

 Will they scare the timid with the efforts?

 Like Clark Howard says - "Don't Let Them."

 The Republican Party is made up of cheats and liars - that's a fact.
 If it wasn't a fact, in the last ten years I would've been able to find somebody
 who could successfully argue the Republican point of view, but noooooooooo.

 They can't win on ideas.
 They can't win at the ballot box.
 They can't win if they play by the rules so they fucking cheat.

 Like I said, we should thank them for not assassinating Bill Clinton, but we shouldn't
 have to sacrifice our right to vote as payback for their allowing Clinton to live.

 ...and I'm getting tired of our side not fighting back.

 This Just In...

 An ancient motorcycle was found buried in the sands just outside Jerusalem.
 Biblical scholars quickly determined - is this for real? - that it belonged to Jesus.

 C'mon, now, you can't fool Ol' BartCop with a story like this.
 I'm no Bible expert, but I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't have a motorcycle.

   Did he????

 As soon as I heard this story, I checked with my super-religious friend Judy O'Christian
 over at  Landover Baptist Church.  Judy did some digging and, lo and behold,
 praise His name, He DID have a motorcycle, and he rode it everywhere.

 Judy found the passage in Romans 4:14 where it said,

 "Jesus's Triumph was heard across the land."

   <heavy sigh>

   I miss you, buddy...

 Today in History

 Thirty one years ago today, the Republicans started whining that
 the media was biased against them claiming "It just wasn't fair."

 In 1969: Vice President Spiro T. Agnew, speaking in Des Moines,
 accused network TV news departments of bias and distortion.

 "Wahhhhhhhhhh," he said to a bank of cameras and microphones.
 "It's not fair, wahhhhhhhhhhhhh" he whined.

 Agnew, who was taking bribes from anybody with a cause to promote,
 eventually had to resign in disgrace, as it the case with all guilty politicians.

 In his press conference temper tantrum, he urged viewers to lodge complaints
 against the networks and "pitch a bitch" whenever they didn't take his side.
 Weels later. Pat Buchanan was hired as a speechwriter after he came up
 with the cute and catchy phrase, "Nattering nabobs of negativism."

 So Happy Anniversary to the whiners and sore losers of the GOP.

 Flashback to Nazi-Con 2000

 Quote of the Millenium, so far

 Cheney told senators he obtained student and marriage deferments because
"I had other priorities in the '60s than military service.''

 Jesus Christ, you think the 58,000 men who died in Vietnam
 had "dying for my country for no goddamn reason" on their priority list?

 ...are we sure Smirk is more stupid than Cheney?


 Alan Rickman knows how to get thru this election mess.
 If only he wasn't drinking Cuervo  (gag me)

 Florida is looking at a new ballot for stupid people...

Smirk - the White-knuckle Drunk

VISTA DEL MAR, Calif. (AP) - Martin Sheen, America's favorite prime-time president,
told a group at a California treatment center Saturday that he thinks George W. Bush is
a "white-knuckle drunk." In his speech, Sheen said he was concerned that Smirk never
received counseling after a 1976 arrest for drunken driving.

"He's still in denial about it," said Sheen.
"You have got to be in a program. I did not make up the rules about that."

Throughout his campaign, Bush refused to explain the depths of his cocaine and alcohol
addiction by first smirking, then admitting he "made mistakes while young" and then claiming
that he gave up alcohol at age 40.

Sheen  said he is a recovering substance abuser himself and does not mean to insult Smirk
but to force him to acknowledge the severity of drug and alcohol dependence.

Fox caught lying - again

NEW YORK (AP) - A much-watched Fox TV special that promised viewers the first look
at ancient relics bamboozled them instead, according to an "Inside Edition" report scheduled
to air next week. "Opening the Lost Tombs: Live From Egypt," broadcast in March 1999,
showed an archaeologist creeping through two Egyptian tombs and uncovering a mummy,
skeletons and pottery believed to be 5,000 years old. But Zahi Hawass told "Inside Edition"
that he knew what Fox's cameras would show him finding even before the broadcast.

Asked whether he actually discovered the mummy live on camera, Hawass says,
"No, that burial chamber belonged to a tomb that I found a month before the show."
The "Inside Edition" report airs Tuesday in most cities.

Fair and honest - you decide?

From: TigerTime8183@aol.com

Subject: Smirk Started It


Rewind your memory bank to Tuesday night, when Bush came on television to
complain that Florida had been prematurely given Gore.  He was on camera with
his mom and dad and wife.  It was SMIRK  who insisted that he could not concede
Florida until the absentee ballots were counted.  It was he who was insistent that he
could not have lost Florida.  Now you tell me who started this business of contesting results.

Gore has been goaded into a fight he might not be able to win.
How can anyone beat back this degree of dishonesty and corruption?

Did you hear about Gore rallies across the country?
People for the American Way has schedules for rallies coming up on Nov, 18.

 ...is someone feeling guilty about pushing so hard for Nader??

 Judas Maximus - the Premier Traitor

 Perhaps the biggest network star to emerge during the 2000 election is Judas Maximus
--who, as you may recall, was a Clinton backstabber during the last election. ABC has big
plans for the once-respected whore-traitor, trying to convert him from a mere Sunday
morning cock hunter to a ubiquitous analyst and campaign-trail streetwalker.
Diane Sawyer, co-whore-in-chief with Baba Wawa wants him to serve as a guest anchor.
"I'd like to perform oral sex on him," says the blonde floozy, to noone in particluar.

Not everyone thinks this is a great thing.
"Stephanopoulos has been dismissed by some as nothing more than a partisan
apologist disguised as a pristine and objective--if telegenic and appealing--observer,"
writes Brill's Content, one of the few non-whore publications in the political world.
As a goof, Brill made the formerly trusted Clinton aide its December cover boy.

Paul Begala yelled at his former friend after the first debate:
"Goddammit, George, how dare you call Al Gore arrogant?"
Judas explained that he hadn't quite said that, and Begala now says:
"If I could leap to those conclusions and get so angry, then how will people feel
  who don't know him or, worse, have a predisposition against him?"

(That would be any American with a TV)

Some Bush campaign officials have grumbled about the dirty little bastard,
but Stephanopoulos insists he's only being "fair and honest."  When contacted for
a quote, senior Gore campaign officials would only say, "fuck him."

"The fact that I stabbed my friend and president in the fucking back for 30 pieces of silver
shouldn't matter anymore because I want to be taken seriously," he told the magazine.

"I just accept that a certain group is going to see the real me no matter how hard
 I run from my past. I hate Clinton and everybody knows it, so why can't we just
 get past that so I can be a TV pretty boy flack?"

 Judas continued to whine, "Hell, I'm so cute, and I know so goddamn much about
 everything, I should be busier than a pair jumper cables at a Mexican funeral."

 Click  Here

 The Scene: A Florida courtroom

 Smirk Weasel: Your Honor, we'd like to...

 Honest Judge: Denied.

 Smirk Weasel: But Your Honor,

 Honest Judge: Denied.

 Smirk Weasel: But, if the court would only listen to...

 Honest Judge: Denied!

 Smirk Weasel: ...but, ...but

 Honest Judge: Denied!

 Smirk Weasel: But, we always get our way in Texas...

 Honest Judge: This isn't Texas - Denied!

 Smirk Weasel: ...but, ...but we have all this money...

 Honest Judge: Denied!

 ha ha

 How Crooked is Smirk?

 Click  Here  for the UK Times version

 Click  Here  for the forever version.

 From: jrosenstiel@prodigy.net


 Isn't it tomorrow that the classified CIA papers regarding Bush Senior's
 antics in the Americas will be released?

 Remember Clinton allowed for the release to be delayed, so it would not
 taint the election..   I assume they will sneak out the release and the
 media will be very QUIET on what is in these CIA papers...

 Does anyone know where on the net we can access same?

 My guess would be Bushwatch.com
 He's the only guy working harder than me.

 This Just In....
   (Noon Central)

 Smirk denied motion to strangle and murder democracy in Florida.

 Judge tells Rove and Baker to "knock it off."
 Hand recount ruled legal, just and proper.

 ABC Fires Radio Host Matt Drudge
 Smarmy scumbag gets eggs-actly what he deserves.

 When ABC hired gossip-whore Matt Drudge to host a radio show last year, some brass
 --led by ABC News President David Westin--tried their best to block the move.

 ABC has just fired him.

 What makes the timing especially odd is that ABC money-grubbing whores had been
 courting Drudge to go to five days a week--until corporate higher-ups overruled them.

 "I see it as punishment for daring to report on ABC's activities," said martyr Drudge.
 "The whole notion that this is a political payback for my Web reporting is an explosive
  accusation, but I'm willing to make it."

 Isn't he brave?
 Koresh, I wish I could trade places with Matt the Whore.

 ABC's Julie Hoover says the decision was made with no involvement by ABC owner Disney.
 "Sunday night talk shows are just not a good business," she says. "We're just not going to be
 in that business anymore. . . . It takes up a lot of your time but makes very little money."

 Drudge says he never received a complaint about the content of his Sunday show. Asked if Drudge's
 reputation as a semen-chasing slug was a factor in the decision, Hoover did not respond directly,
 saying "ABC radio marches to its own drummer. They make the decisions."

 It's not hard to understand why Drudge would be unpopular in ABC and Disney executive suites.
 He called MNF producer Don Ohlmeyer a liar for allegedly misleading reporters about Pigboy's
 chances of slurring blacks and gays on their football broadcast.
 Responded Ohlmeyer: "This is a gossip columnist who doesn't really care what the facts are and
 he writes it and then everybody asks questions about what he writes and then they have a story."

 In his book "Drudge Manifesto," the author includes Disney Chairman Michael Eisner among
 "the latest incarnation of vampires" who "have sucked the blood from the fourth estate,
 leaving behind infotainment formaldehyde."

 ha ha

 This, coming from Matt Drudge?
 Drudge wants more credibility in the press?

 ha ha

 After giving up his television show in a dispute with Fox News Channel,
 Drudge is back to a one-man operation with no links to major media companies.

 Why I Love the Fox Network
 by Jotun

 Click  Here

 Forgot who said it
   It could've been Jon Stewart

 "Trent Lott warned Hillary that when she gets to the Senate,
   she better not show up with this know-it-all superior attitude,
   and she needs to understand that she's just one of a hundred now.

   Hillary knows what it's like to be one of a hundred..."

 From: aspeac@netins.ne

 Subject: Attention all demos. old people , tree huggers and creeps

 Alan Arnold Gore is going to lose, and you old people will be eating dog food.
 I will be setting here and laughing all the way to the bank in my cadilac
 using gas from pristine Alaska.

 ttttttttttttttooooooooooooooo bad

 Greg Beckett

 I think you need to take your "cadilac" to a mechanic and tell him you're missing an L.

 Scare in K-Drag

 When I got in my car to go to the Post Office, the back window was busted.
 Ever vigilant for Republican assassins, I cocked "the baby."

 Checking the back seat, I saw a brown plastic trash bag.
 I checked my perimeter, it was safe, so I looked inside the brown bag and
 I'll be damned if it wasn't about 2,000 Gore ballots from Florida!!!

 What the hell's going on?

 A History Lesson
   by Jeff Williams

 Click  Here

 Some newspapers do strange things during elections.

 The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, owned by Richard Mellon Scarfe, pulled all pictures
 of Al Gore on the Sunday before the election, rewrote an Associated Press dispatch to
 play down any mention of the vice president and bumped the story of a local Gore rally
 inside the paper. Scaife is a conservative philanthropist who helped finance the American
 Spectator's investigations of President Clinton.

 The rival Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, which reported the move,
 said the Tribune-Review's managing editor protested but that Scaife overruled him.

 The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review - they hide - you decide.

 If this is your first check-in since Friday, check out Chris Rock's take
 on that big-ass mess we have down in Florida.

 This is a skit from Friday night's show.
 I think it's one of the funniest things I've heard all year.
 Is Wanda Sykes the funniest woman in America?
 I say yes.

 Click  Here

 A masterpiece by skisics surus
 We get so few masterpieces here.

 Click  Here

 This is the entire "The Wall" album by Pink Floyd.

 A shot of Chinaco for skisics.

 Joe Conason on Smirk's DWI

 Click  Here

 Last week in college football, there were no upsets in the Top 20.

 The closest we had to an upset was Bob Jones almost beating the Electoral College

 Standing ovation for this 'toon.

 I wish I could read the artist's name.
 I'd send him a thank you note.
 That Bush boy is bad seed.

 Click  Here  to download a really small audio MP3 (under 700K)
                      of Paul Harvey getting into Dr. Laura's pants.

 Did you see The Simpsons Sunday night?

 Krusty the Clown said he banged Cokie Roberts during Desert Storm.

 ha ha

 She deserves it, that whore.
 Maybe she's just afraid she's losing her career, but after that shit she pulled
 on Al Gore - she deserves to lose every goddamn thing she owns.

 Such a blatant and disgusting piece of journalistic trash she turned out to be.
 Of course, I can't say she's the most disgusting whore in Washington
 because her competiton is so damn fierce

 I'm so old, I remember when Cokie Roberts was a decent reporter.
 But nooooooooooooooooo.
 She decided to ride Clinton's cock for almost three years.
 Cokie - don't you have kids?
 Do they allow themselves to be seen with you in public?

 I wish I knew what it was.
 Is there just more money in attacking the left?
 What would explain her absolute and total fall into the whore pit?

 Cokie - you disgust me.

 You have the morals of a crack whore needing a fix.
 You have the integrity of the crack whore's pimp.
 But you also have the money of the crack whore's dealer
 and that's what the bottom line is, right, Cokie?

 Don't you have any shame, Cokie?
 You disgust me.
 You are one pathetic sleazeball whore, you know that?
 You need to retire before, ...before, ...well, I don't know.
 There's nothing left to salvage, is there?

 You make me sick, woman.
 And if this wasn't a family web page,
 I'd tell you what I really think,   ...slut,

 Guest Editorial from MWO

 Click  Here

 November 12, 2000

 Did Saturday Night Live give a "shout out" to Ol' BartCop?

 Ten days ago, I mentioned my lust for anchorwoman Tina Fey.
 I said she was a hotter-looking babe when she was wearing her glasses,
 because glasses make a girl look smarter and smart women turn me on.

 I also said, and I quote:

 Do you guys need any writers?
 If you steal any more of my stuff, I'll take that as a "yes,"
 but don't worry - I'm not going to sue you.

 During last night's Weekend Update, "Janet Reno" was hitting on Tina
 and as she left she said, "I like smart girls, but don't get too smart."

 I think they were sending me a signal that they read  bartcop.com

 ...does this mean they're offering me a job?

 Great Republican Quotes

 "We'd be happy to withdraw our court action if Al Gore
   would just lie down and let George W Bush have this election."
       -- James Baker, Smirk's boy

 That's a ditto-monkey's idea of compromise.

From: abbau@msn.com

Subject: Big Time Draft Dodger


Don't forget while Butch was AWOL, Big Time Dick Cheney was busy dodging the draft.
Remember when he was testifying before Congress he pissed on the graves of every
Vietnam vet by saying "I had better things to do during VietNam."

So here you have some guy going AWOL and a Draft Dodger wanting to run
the country and a guy who went to Vietnam paired with a Freedom Rider.

Who would you trust?


A brainless war-time deserter and a corporate whore draft-dodger...
I'm surprised their slogan wasn't, "Because honor is everything."

 How's Bill Clinton handling this election crisis?

 I have a question...

 Has George W. Bush ever not been the stupidest man in the room?

 Think about it -

 When he was going to school at Yale and Harvard, the others might've
 been doing some drugs, but at least they had a working mind to waste.

 When he's home for the holidays, he's with his mom and dad, bother Jeb,
 brother Kneel and brother Marvin, so he's the dumbest son of a bitch there, too.

 When he shared a debate stage with McCain, Hatch, Keyes, the Bag O' Hairspray,
 that Gary Bauer woman and the Lumberjack from Tennessee,
 he was always the dumbest son of a bitch on the TV screen.

 When he was on the campaign trail with Karl Rove and Karen Hughes and
 the other members of his Smirk 2000 team, those people are sharp!

 When he was onstage with Al Gore and Jim Lehrer, he was the weak link
 in that chain too. Even the other Republicans would admit that - privately.

 Hell, even the baseball people I know are pretty sharp.

 So - when is Smirk the smartest guy in the room?

 Guest Editorial by Jeff Kramer

 Click  Here

 Great Boxing Quotes

 "If you come to war, you have to bring your whole arsenal,
    not just a left hook and a haircut.''
   -- Lennox Lewis, the intelligent champ

 Cindy Crawford says,

 Don't get behind...

 Read  bartcop.com  every day!

From: hardison@cfl.rr.com

Subject: Another Florida County

In Volusia County, Florida, (which is the county where Al Gore's ACTUAL VOTE
COUNT dropped by about 16,000 when one of the precincts reported what appears
to be negative votes,)  The Washington Post is reporting that when they were asked to
recount their ballots, they simply compared the computer printout to the computer screen.

There is no way they can ever recount the actual ballots because so many
of them are still unaccounted for.  From the Washington Post Article:
"Friday, county workers found a ballot bag in their vault without a seal,
  another with a broken seal and a third on a shelf with ballots spilling out. "

If you were watching the news on Wednesday, you would have been able to
watch a live recount by idiots.  County officials were performing a recount
in front of the cameras from the local Nitwitness News, and some old geezer
walked in with a bag full of ballots that NO ONE EVEN KNEW WAS MISSING.

This was also described in the article from the Washington Post:

That was underscored when poll worker Gene Tracy, 79, walked into the
election office Wednesday explaining how a bag of ballots was left in his car.
I about had a cotton-pickin’ stroke,” he told a local reporter.
I hollered for my wife and I said, ‘The dadburn ballots are still in the car.’ ”  "

I am sorry to keep writing you with stories of vote fraud in Florida.  I am
not sure what you can do about it.  Maybe I am just trying to vent, and
hoping that you collect everyone's vents, and make a volcano out of it.


 Today's Page Two Girl knows how to rack 'em

 Click  Here

 I could've sworn I printed a picture of the confusing ballot, but nooooo.
 In the lower right-hand corner, there's a name that'll catch your eye.

 Florida they had TEN presidential candidates on the ballot.
 The Commies, the Green Party, the Reform party, the Pinkos and others
 and the presidential candidate for the "Worker's World" party was...

 (check the last name on the bottom right)

 That's right!


 MONICA MOOREHEAD!    ...and she's in politics?

 I'd vote for her just for having the courage to leave the damn house every day.


 Make them stop!

  from Maxim Magazine

 I'm glad he didn't smack her, but James Carville and Mary Matalin
 were on Meet the Whore with the head Cock Hunter, Tim the Catholic.


 When asked about the election, Mary got all somber and mentioned
 Bob Dole and the World War II Memorial and how sad it would be if
 all those men died in battle protecting democracy and years later
 a silly fool like that idiot Smirk was denied the White House.

 She had no business dragging that kind of emotion into this mess.
 Those men also died for free and accurate elections, Mary.
 Besides, Smirk went  AWOL  for two years, which is a FACT
 the press refuses to address until he's firmly esconded in the big chair.

 If we're going to honor our war dead, let's not elect a war-time deserter.

 Carville said, "I have to be a husband AND a politician here,"  meaning
 "I'll get no sex for a decade if I disagree with her on this one."

 Mary, that was a cheap shot and a low blow.

 Hey, Smirk!
 Is that the biggest band-aid you could find?

 What the hell's going on under that band-aid?
 Does the public have a right to know what's going on?
 Did Pickles throw a lamp at you or something?

 Any time there was an imperfection on Clinton's face, the press
 (and the vulgar Pigboy - always) would speculate the injury was caused by an
 enraged Hillary, but then again, Clinton never had that huge of a cover-up on his face,
 so maybe we should get to the bottom of this before they re-cast their ballots in Florida?

 What if our next president doesn't wipe his face?
 Should we get the facts on this before the re-vote?

 Notice how coordinated the GOP spin machine has been?

 "Gore lost the first count, (not true)
  Gore lost the second count (not true)
  and they want to keep counting until they get a result they like."

 Every one of them, using those exact same words.
 I wonder what the penalty is for unauthorized word substitution?

 Republicans are like a word processor:
 You program them and they spit back the exact same words again and again.
 Since they control radio and television, we've all heard that mantra a hundred
 times so far, and we're going to hear it hundreds of more times.

 I don't mind the GOP pulling for Smirk - I'd expect that.
 But don't they have enough brains to put anything in their own words?
 One of the frustrations with arguing with ditto-monkeys is they always repeat
 the words the vulgar Pigboy used, making me wonder if they have any clue
 about the subject, or do they merely have the ability to memorize short blurbs?

 One other thing, Jimmy:
 How did Bush win those two counts if a Miami cop is holding a box of ballots
 in the evidence room of a Miami police station? It looks to me like you guys
 prefer Jeb Bush's incomplete and inaccurate count because it favors your boy.

 I mean, why bother with the will of the people, right Jim?
 After all, Smirk is a saint, right?


 I think state laws are really stupid and I've said so for years.

 Isn't this mess in Florida another example of why state laws suck?
 This election almost certainly will be decided accpording to Florida
 state law, and that's not necesarily a smart way to pick our president.

 State laws are stupid, stupid, stupid.
 In times like this, state laws sneak up on the other 49 states.
 For all practiocal purposes, state laws are "secrets."

 When you go on vacation, it's not practical to research the laws of
 every state you wonder into. Why should Americans have that burden?

 In 1991 or 1992, We flew to Cleveland, rented a Town Car and drove
 to DC, then drove thru New York to see a friend in Boston. I mentioned
 that I had "the baby" with me, and my Boston friend told me that was a
 mandatory prison sentence  if I got caught.

 What  horseshit!

 I'm supposed to know the gun laws in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia, DC,
 New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts?
 In Texas, they give you a goddamn medal if you carry a gun,
 but in the Northeast it's mandatory prison time?

 Koresh, I flew to Cleveland.
 American Airl;ines knew I was packing heat.  If they deliver me to a state
 where you can't carry, aren't they partly responsible for that gun?

 State laws are horseshit.
 Say it with me - "Horseshit!"

 To carry this really stupid idea another step further, why doesn't each state
 strike their own coins and print their own paper money?

 The next time you hear the phrase "state's rights,"  tell them BartCop says
 that states trying to be so individual is horseshit and give them my e-mail address.

 There are tens of thousands of really stupid laws still on the books in each state.
 To expect outsiders to know these crazy quirks is as crazy as religion.

 By the way...

 What's up with that 6-inch band-aid on Smirk's face?
 Some guy on Fox said Smirk had an infected hair thingy on his face.


 You know what that sounds like?

 Pigboy's pilodinal cyst!

 Yes, it's hard to believe, but Rush AND his sainted Daddy each had
  infected pilodinal cysts on their ass from improper hygeine.
 They say Pigboy's cyst weighed 40 pounds!
 That was good enough to keep him out of Vietnam, boys and girls.

 For more than eight years, Rush has been screaming "cowardly draft-dodger"
 at Bill Clinton for trying to avoid and stop that war.

 But when "here, piggy, piggy" had a chance to join that "noble" war,
 he couldn't because his daddy never showed him how to wipe his ass.

 The army won't let you join them, even in wartime, if you don't wipe your ass!
 But that's not even the big question.

 How did Smirk get on his face what Pigboy has on his ass?

 You can't blame me for the mess America is in.
 You can't blame me for pushing Smirk into a tie.
 You can't blame me for causing all this trouble.
 You can't blame me for voting my conscience.
 You can't blame me for a Smirk Administration.
 You can't blame me.
 You can't.
 You can't.

 Blame Tom Tomorrow, not me...

 I saw another funny while watching the circus on CNN.

 Gore spokesman Doug hattaway was being interviewed by one of the CNN anchors.
 Anchorboy said they needed to hurry up and solve this "crisis" because time was running out
 and they'd need some preparation to get up to speed and hit the ground running.

 The Gore spokesman smiled and said, "We're ready."

 ha ha

 While catching the circus on CNN, I heard Moneyline bragging that they were in 37 countries.
 That sounded "funny" to me.

 So I checked my server logs.
 bartcop.com  is in 45 countries.

 ha ha
 Eat my dust, CNN.

 You'd think they would cover more ground than  bartcop.com


 We don't mind this smirking idiot running our planet - do we?

 The ditto-monkeys on Fox News Sunday predicted Gore will win the recount.
 Then Smirk will "go to the mattresses" and file lawsuits in every state he barely lost.

 We have a mess here, and there's only one way out:

 First, you have Smirk and Fuzzy agree up front that whoever finally wins this,
 the loser will do a joint press conference with the winner and pledge his full support.
 (Bob Dole said on This Whore that there's talk of boycotting the inaugural.
  We gotta "nip this in the bud," as Barney Fife used to say.)

 Have the radio and TV stations in Palm Beach get the word out that everyone who
 voted last Tuesday can vote again. Print up some REAL and READABLE ballots
 and use a goddamn ink pen this time instead of pregnant chads, for Chrissakes,
 and let's elect us a winner so we can get on to the next emergency the press creates.

 That, or let Clinton stay on, and I'm not kidding.

 As always - BartCop has the answer.

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was the best issue ever.

 Go Home to  bartcop.com


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