Not Even on the Radar Screen
Lycos.com has listed the Top 50 sites for election week.
Sadly, again, bartcop.com was nowhere
to be found.
Boy, I sure could use that money from Brunei
Darussalam.
Almost five years doing the Ol' Treehouse, and can't make a ripple
in the pond.
I need a higher profile, I need to get people's attention.
Anyone know of some good ways to do that?
You know it's almost, ...almost to the point where I'd ask for
contributions
so I could advertise in different places to try to become better
known.
Hmmmmm.....
In my IQ-of-64 brain, I figure I could take out some 1-inch ads
in newspapers
in New York, Los Angeles, Washington DC and others. Is that a
good idea?
Yeah, that's what I should do.
Now and then I get e-mail saying,
"Nice page. Could send a contribution
to help keep bartcop.com
going?"
I've always declined contributions, because bartcop.com
is only a hobby.
Butt,
If Smirk is successful in his illegal takeover of the government,
and the House and Senate are also going to be flying
the ditto-monkey flag,
and since there's hardly anybody on our side fighting back,
I wonder if accepting contributions would be a bad idea?
Hey!
You people in NY, CA and DC, what does advertising cost in your
paper?
Does anyone live in a town with FREE WANT ADS?
I've heard of those, but we don't have them in K-Drag.
How much is a column inch in the NY Whore Times's entertainment
section?
How much is a column inch in the Los Angeles Times's entertainment
section?
How much is a column inch in the Washington Post's entertainment
section?
Is this a dumb idea?
ha ha
Remember what I said about only one out of thirty of my ideas
being any good.
This is #45, so wish me luck!
But I have to do something, don't I?
Shall I languish in anonominity forever?
At the rate I'm going, I'll be noticed in 230 years.
So I need to do something. Is that the way to go?
The entertainment section of big-city liberal papers?
Would resources be better spent on the web, somehow?
Koresh, I need an agent.
I need a business manager.
I need a liberal millionaire to break off some big bucks.
Maybe I should check this idea out more fully.
I could get a PO Box in K-Drag to intercept the certain mailbombs
and ask
for contributions to help in the fight to take back our country!.
If I could raise some money, I could advertise, thus bumping up
my hits.
With more hits comes more power and influence.
With more power and influence comes media exposure and pretty
soon
I could get invited onto Hannity and Colmes!! Yes!!!
Let's start a collection to get BartCop on with Sean hannity!
ha ha
If he started screaming at me, or lying or saying shit that wasn't
true,
I'd just come over that desk and pummel his Nazi ass right on
the Fox set!
ha ha
Send money to the "Pummel Hannity Fund."
Maybe I'm crazy, but I think I'm gonna do it.
For lunch today, I'm going rent a box at the Post Office for
donations.
(I can see the headline now - BartCop turns
whore)
Hey, call me a whore if you want.
We're about to lose all three branches of government
...and we're not even fighting back!
Sidebar:
One other thing - if you think a humor
page wouldn't be very effective,
consider what Von Reagan did to Mondale
in their 1984 debate.
Reagan was a doddering old fool with no
grasp of reality.
When the subject of his mental condition
came up, Reagan told a joke!
"I refuse to exploit, for political
purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience."
And what did Mondale do?
He fucking laughed with everyone else!
With one well-timed, well-placed joke, Reagan
put-to-rest the argument that
he was too old and senile to run the most
important office in the land.
That tells us there is power in humor.
Here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna get some lunch and rent that PO Box.
When I get back, I'll read the feedback and see how stupid this
idea is.
If I have your support, I'll know we have a deal.
If I don't, we don't.
-- Whoops, sorry, that's from Godfather II.
BartCop turns Whore - I see the headlines as clear as day,
but what choice do we have?
Should we lie back like Mondale and Dukakis and let them steal
our government?
Shouldn't there be somebody fighting back?
Hmmmmm....
Send me some feedback:
Put "Good Idea" or "Bad Idea" in the subject header,
and add your scathing comments.
Am I a whore?
Have I spent five years setting up this money-making scam?
Am I just another Internet huckster trying to get your hard-earned
money?
Help an old altar boy out, and guide me thru these troubling times.
In a matter of days, Emporer Smirk will assume his throan.
Shall we fight back or give up?
I say we fight!
Maureen Dowd
Mistrust in the Trust
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF
INDEPENDENCE
sent by Jeff Williams
Update
That funny parody on The Bird (click
here) was produced by Todd Hudson
hudson_todd@hotmail.com
I'm sure The Bird thought it was funny, because Rush says
it's the liberals
that have no sense of humor, and Bird is no liberal, so according
to Rush
The Bird liked your parody, Todd, and might even like to see
more.
From: Politico60@aol.com
Subject: Dershowitz on Katherine Harris
Last night on Geraldo Rivera, Alan Dershowitz said that
"Katherine Harris is bought and paid for"
and that she will absolutely
find a way to keep the hand-counted votes from being official.
The "bought and paid for" comment brought screams of agony from
a Republican spinnerette.
ha ha
From the New York Whore
Times
Matt Drudge, managing editor
"Crisis Seen from a Lack of Priests"
Gee, I wonder if the eternity-without-orgasms rule is costing them any recruits?
Some X-Rated audio for youse with DSL
If you own any Adam Sandler CDs, you know how he is.
Last Friday on HBO's Chris Rock Show, where you can say
a
n y t h i n g
Adam Sandler did a song you're not likely to hear on TV again.
It was called "She Comes Home to Me."
It's rated whatever comes after "X," but here's the deal:
He had a big 40's era-style band, horns and all, and stayed completely
in character the whole time.
He sang this song like Sinatra or Tony Bennet would - he even
has a decent voice.
What made the song wasn't the nasty words, but his dedication
to doing it absolutely legit.
These are big files, will take forever without a DSL or cable
modem,
but if you have a fast modem I think you'll like it.
Click Here to download the MP3 to save on your hard drive.
Click Here to hear
it via 
And if you're offended by the language most Americans use, you
won't like this,
because this is strong stuff even for HBO, so don't come whining
later.
BartCop Does Wall Street
Pre-Emptive Strike
As some point, it may be days or weeks away, someone is going
to be declared
the winner in Florida. When that happens, the stock market will
rise.
I predict this - no matter who wins the final tally.
If Bush wins, and the market rises, El Pigbo will claim it's because
America has
confidence in that idiot Smirk and that proves the decision was
the correct one.
If Gore wins, he probably won't mention it.
I just wanted to get this on record so when Pigboy tells his lie,
you'll remember that
I predicted it up-front, whereas Pigboy will wait until after
the fact and claim,
"Just as I predicted..."
He's been doing more of those goofy "non-predictions."
He "predicted" the Democrats would attack Katherine the Grate.
But any idiot with 2 weeks in politics knows that if there's
a contested election,
and the campaign manager from one side is in charge of manipulating
the outcome,
she's going to be severely criticized by the other team.
Duh!
Koresh, I'll bet even Smirky could figure that out without Rove's
help.
But the easily-led ditto-monkeys will say, "Wow!
Rush was right again!"
Now and then, even the whore media gets it right.
Fact:
Ted Turner's TNT ran Primary Colors FOUR TIMES
during the weekend just prior to the election.
The reason for this is:
1. Ted Turner, after losing Jane, snapped back to being a right-wing
prick.
2. Ted's back on the sauce again
3. Ted has envy problems that would choke one of Paul Harvey
horses.
4. He blames Clinton (?) for the Cardinals kicking his Braves's
asses.
5. All of the above.
Paul Begala is NOT in a good
mood.
I like him better when he's pissed.
The Banana Republicans are still at it.
Why are they so afraid of an honest and accurate
count?
Because they know that, just as most Americans
voted for Al Gore, most Floridians did too.
Their attempts to obscure that truth have tied
them into knots.
Let's take a look at the esteemed public official
at the center of this storm:
the chief elections officer in Florida, Katherine
Harris. Ms. Harris is a partisan hack.
She is co-chair of George W. Bush's campaign
in Florida, was a Bush delegate to the
GOP convention, has donated to the GOP, traveled
with Jeb Bush to New Hampshire,
where she even kissed two lapdogs on the mouth
while campaigning for W.
She's kissing a lot worse now.
ha ha -- go Paul!
She has described herself as "passionately interested"
in a job in the arts of foreign affairs
if Bush were to win the White House. She
has spent $100,000 of taxpayers' money on travel,
including Rio, Barbados and Sydney on taxpayers'
dollars. Critics say this is a taxpayer-subsidized
attempt to burnish her ambassadorial credentials.
And in a move that could not have harmed Bush,
she used Norman Schwarzkopf, one of W's most
prominent supporters, in taxpayer-funded,
supposedly non-partisan get-out-the-vote ads.
So I think we can all rest comfortably knowing that the presidential election will be decided by Ms. Harris.
The Gore camp is operating as if this were America.
The Bushies are acting as if Florida were their
own little banana republic.
Enforcing or waiving deadlines as their partisan
interests drive them, letting partisan hacks make
the key decisions that will control the outcome
of the election, trying to pretend that a manual count
would lead to what they call "mischief", when
the whole world is watching the recount live on television.
James Addison Baker III has cemented and solidified
his reputation as a partisan hack in all this.
The man who ran the Willie Horton campaign in
1988 -- the most ruthless, vicious, amoral campaign
in American history -- spent four years as Bush's
Secretary of State trying to build an image as a statesman.
And he did a good job -- working to ease the
transition of the Soviet Union to freedom, and the collapse of
the Berlin Wall and working with Colin Powell
in a vain attempt to keep the trigger-happy Bush and Defense
Secretary Cheney from rushing into the Gulf War.
But all that hard work has now evaporated, and we're left
with the Baker we knew from 1988: willing to
say or do anything in the pursuit of power. His grandfather built
one of the most successful law firms in Texas
by putting up a front of probity as he represented the sleaziest
robber barons of his day. The apple clearly
didn't fall far from the tree, as the distinguished former Secretary
of State behaves like a generalissimo in a banana
republic coup. All he needs is a pair of sunglasses.
Generalissimo Baker has proposed a "deal".
If the Gore campaign will stop all recounts by 5 PM,
and accept the absentee ballots from overseas
(rumored to support Bush), then the Bush campaign
will drop the lawsuit which was thrown out of
court yesterday. I'm not making this up. Generalissimo
Baker of the Banana Republicans actually made
that offer, and called it a compromise.
He's not out of his mind.
Just drunk with power.
He knows that an honest count will yield a Gore
victory.
So he's trying to cover for his side's heavy-handed,
police-state tactics
by calling a complete capitulation a compromise.
But perhaps the biggest loser in all this is the
media.
And I don't mean only because the networks botched
the call on election night.
(Turns out they were right: Gore DID carry Florida;
Bush is trying to steal it.)
The current issue of Newsweek has their behind-the-scenes
report on Campaign 2000,
and it includes this gem -- the surest proof
yet of how in the tank the press corps is for Bush:
"'How are you, Mr. President?' asked Fox News'
Carl Cameron, already awarding Bush the White House.
'You think so?' replied Bush, putting on his
aw-shucks manner. 'I feel good.' 'You should,' said the reporter.
'Looks like things are clicking the way you said
they would.' 'Coming down the stretch. We'll see,' said Bush.
'Just like you said it would, man,' Cameron repeated.
'Yeah, they're clickin' right now,' said Bush.
He caught sight of CNN's Candy Crowley about
20 rows away.
'Dolce!' he hailed, using the nickname he had
bestowed on her."
So there it is.
Reporters sucking up to Bush, and Bush calling
them by their pet names.
And why not?
They've been lapdogs for him throughout this
whole campaign.
It's just stunning -- and sickening -- to see
it confirmed in print.
Do liberals get unfairly kicked off the AM airwaves?
Lauren Hutton is out of the hospital.
They say she was pretty beat up in that cycle wreck.
They say she's tough, and she'll be back.
Go, Lauren.
Tell you what,
In between pieces of crystal-clear evidence that prove beyond
a doubt
that Smirk and his daddy's friends are trying to steal this
election,
how about a little comedy, and maybe a Page Two Girl?
Dan Rather
Dan had a big night on Black Tuesday.
Have you heard some of these?
TIME whore mag had a list, I'll give you some.
These are true Dan Rather-isms - shit nobody else would ever
say.
This race is as
hot and tight as a too-small bathing suit
on a too-long car ride back from the
beach.
This race is tighter than the rusted lug nuts on a '55 Ford.
Bush is sweeping thru the South like a tornado thru a trailer park.
Gore's back's against the wall, his shirttail's
on fire,
and the bill collector's at the door.
The Senate campaigns were ugly enough, nasty enough to gag a buzzard.
Bush's lead is shakier than cafeteria Jell-O
California is the big burrito,
Texas is a big taco,
but Florida is the only tamale that
counts.
...and, my favorite,
In summary, if a frog had side pockets,
he'd carry a handgun.
...damn, that's good writing.
This is the ...woman Begala speaks of.
The Florida Secretary of State - Katherine Harris - Smirk's Florida
campaign co-chairman.
His campaign co-chairman.
The only way Katherine harris she could be closer to Smirk
would be
if she was the candidate's mother or the candidate's wife.
She's going to make an unbiased ruling on who our next president
will be?
Will she go with the will of the people?
Or with her personal feelings, which almost certainly will get
her a cushy
ambassadorial job in the Smirk Administration, and enrage the
American people?
If sh'e not into the power thing, I'm sure Enron Energy or the
Wily Brothers
could find a spot on their payroll for the woman who put Smirk
on the throne
over the objections of the majority of Americans.
Can I say one thing?
Putting my serious hat on for a moment...
I hope this turns out good, and I'm not talking about what you'd
think.
Mrs. BartCop asked me if this was a "constitutional crisis,"
and I laughed and said, "Of course not."
So she asked, "If this isn't, what is?"
She had me.
What if things don't turn out good?
What if the loser of this debate says, "I don't recognize that
judge."
I'd rather have a President Smirk than a President Hastert, because
President
Smirk will deserve every bit of the punishment I'm going to inflict
on his ass.
But what then?
Is everybody going to follow the Constitution?
Which interpretation?
What if it gets ugly?
Oh, this could get really ugly.
From: btaylor1@nycap.rr.com
Subject: Steve Largent posing for an underwear ad
"Wasn't it Hanes or Fruit of the Loom?"
If his son was in it,
it was Fruit of the LOON
ha ha
From: jcaicedo@lycos.com
Subject: Democrats made and approved the ballot!
BC,
A DEMOCRAT MADE AND APPROVED THE BALLOT!!!!!!
NOW WHAT'S THIS FUSS ABOUT IT BEING JEB'S BALLOT?
PLEASE PRINT THIS SO YOUR FLOCK WILL AT LEAST
GET A LITTLE DOSE OF REALITY!!!!!!!
Shhhh,
If my flock gets a dose of reality, they'll no longer be my minions
or my ilk.
I'm trying to build a kingdom, like Pigboy.
Today's Page Two Girl doesn't want to see a Smirk administration
From: goofy@z.com
Subject: Re: Liberals don't know how to fight?
Quoting Bartcop following Richard's wayward tome:
"Dick, I wish we had more like you, buddy. You are correct,
liberals don't know how to fight. I'm convinced that's why there
are
no liberals on the radio or on those cable TV talk shows - they don't
know how to fight. We prefer to lay down and let the GOP take
what
they want. Thank Koresh for Bill Clinton, who reminded us what
a
fighter looks like. But we won't see his like again. A
shot of
Chinaco to Richard for telling the cold, hard truth."
I think your depression and the number of shots
you've been doing have gone
to your head. No liberals on the radio
or on those cable TV talk shows?
goofy
Goofy, I didn't really mean "no liberals."
I meant, "So relatively few compared to conservatives."
Hey, you want to play a game?
You up for a challenge?
Gotta warn you, tho, it's fixed.
You're going to lose.
Here's the game:
You name a nationally known liberal who's now on the air, and each
time you do,
I'll name TWO conservatives who each get more time on
the air.
Not only that, but I'll double-down that the two conservatives I pick
each time
will be a lot nastier to the other side, and I'll prove it using upcoming
broadcasts
So I'm saying they not only outnumber us by more than two to one, they're
also much, much
bigger pricks, while our guys are polite like Colmes, and I'll prove
it live so we can all watch.
You in?
ha ha
I wonder if The Bird
has a sense of humor?
Koresh, I hope so...
And would the author please stand up, please stand up?
Update: That humorous all-in-fun harmless parodywas
produced by Todd Hudson
hudson_todd@hotmail.com
Todd, I'm sure The Bird took it in the spirit in which it was written.
Going thru some old mail, I found something.
From: aadrian@tampabay.rr.com
Right after the DWI story broke ten days ago, Karen Hughes held
a
press conference to explain how trivial drunk-driving is. Then
this:
But, here's the best part, at one point
a reporter asked
"Has Gov Bush ever used any substances
other than alcohol? "
Her response:
"Gov. Bush has already acknowledged
that he has made mistakes in his past."
WTF?
She just opened Pandora's Box with that
answer.
Can we say COCAINE?????
2+year Bartcop reader,
Alicia Adrian
Alicia, you are correct.
That's a "Yes," if I've ever heard one.
...and lying shitheads like Pigboy and Bill Bennett keep justifying
this
chemical abuser's candidacy saying, "There's
no proof of anything."
And the whore press is pushing to get coke/alky-boy in the White
House
so they can chronicle his downfall calling it - "An American
Tragedy."
Koresh, I need a drink.
From: a_reahm@hotmail.com
Subject: dumb ass
You're a dumb ass, you communest pig!!!!
The only reason you don't like Limbaugh
is because
he crushes your stupid socialist ideas!!!!
Move to France!!!
They're dumb like you!!!
ha ha
Dude, you look like a crime scene.
You'd think they'd at least close your eyelids...
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Issue
It was the best issue ever.
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