Volume 333 - Help Me, Wanda

 November 19, 2000

From: Keithjoy@aol.com

Subject: From a voter in florida...

"I trust people, not the govmint" is becoming another "read my lips.....no new taxes."
The only difference is that Poppa Bush actually took office before he could rescind.

Have you ever noticed that when you attempt to put a paper dollar
into a vending machine, it sometimes gets rejected?

It could be rejected for a variety of reasons.
The machine thinks that your dollar bill is not valid,
but inspection of the piece of paper in question by any person over the age of five
would quickly determine that the piece of paper is, in fact a dollar bill.

Keith, good point.
The GOP will do anything to stifle the will of the people.


 The Sunday Shows

 Oh, Christ, it was unbearable to even watch them.
 First off, JoeL, the only man in America who can make Algore seem exciting,
 was on every show with his tired, takes-forever-to-make-a-point drawl.

 Tim the Whore asked JoeL to respond to every unsubstantiated wild-ass claim the
 Austin camp fed to him on their big spoon. Russert has become 100 percent totally disabled,
 relying on Austin for air, water and food. If Austin doesn't throw Timmy a bone,
 then Timmy doesn't have anything to play with, besides Clinton's cock.

 "Senator Lieberman, how do you explain ballots being used as fans?"
 "Senator Lieberman, how do you explain chads found on the floor?"
 "Senator Lieberman, how do you explain post-it notes on the ballots?"
 "Senator Lieberman, how do you explain these crimes against nature?"

 After pummeling JoeL for a segment, Timmy brings on Bob Dole to whine about
 how unfair the whole process is to the guy who lost the goddamn popular vote.

 Then Timmy brings on Doris Kearns Goodwin and Bill Safire (R-Shithead).
 I think if you took the collective IQ's of Timmy, Goodwin and Safire,
 and doubled them, they'd lose a close race with my pitiful 64.

 Good God, if I ever see something intelligent said on Meet the Whore
 I'm going to fire a gun just to mark the occasion.

 Then we go to This Weak with Sam and the Coke-whore.
 We start off with the obligatory sleep-therapy from JoeL again.
 JoeL's a good man, but as a fighter, he's in the same league as Alan Colmes.
 Why, of all people, is Lieberman leading this charge?
 Doesn't Gore want to win?
 Is he looking for ways to concede?

 Then the incredibly idiotic Sam and Cokie the slow-witted whore:
 Listen to the depths of their insight:

 Click  Here

 It wouldn't be possible for me to ever say anything that stupid.
 There's not enough alcohol in the southwestern United States to get me
 to say something as stupid as "The GOP wants to abort pregnant chads."

 I can't believe they weren't fired right after this broadcast.
 I thought Meet the Whore was off-the-scale stupid - this is worse.
 The owner of this network, Mickey fucking Mouse, has more brains than
 Cokie Roberts, who must have naked pictures of Mike Eisner with a dead boy.

 George Will (dumber than a monkey, proof below) mentioned
 Kathleen Harris, and the half-assed whore Cokie jumps in with this:

 Click  Here

 What's even worse than the assault on our intelligence is the smug giggles that come
 from Cokie afterwards, because she thinks she's the next Chris Rock.
 What circles can she travel in where that half-baked horseshit is considered funny?

 Then Will started in whining,
 "Democratic-dominated canvasing boards are making decisions.
   We can't have a process where democrats are the final arbitors of contested votes.
   That's soooooo unfair."

 But in the next segment, he says Kathleen harris shouldn't recuse herself just because
 she's a partisan Republican. "She has a job to do, she can do it fairly."

 Can you believe that?
 We can't trust the democrats, nooooooooo. That would be unwise.
 But Will has no problem trusting the candidate's brother and campaign co-chairman.
 Will can't see what the problem could be with that.
 After all, Republicans are honorable people and democrats are so, ...liberal.

 I threw a shoe at the TV, but didn't harm it.

 It's times like this when I question years of BartCop dogma and slowly admit that maybe
 Rush is smarter than most people in the media. On this panel alone, I really hate to say it,
 but Judas Maximus Stephanopolous is far and away the only person with half a head
 on his shoulders. If we were going to rank them, it would go like this:

 Judas Maximas,
 Chippy the Chimp.
 Sam Donaldson,
 and from there it's a toss-up between George Will and the dim-witted coke whore.


 Funny, the more you get into today's mainstream whore media and their
 distortion of politics, the more important hard alcohol and guns become.

 If I was running ABC News, you know what I'd do?

 I'd hire two democrats and two republicans and find an elderly, pre-scumbag version of
 David Brinkley to moderate their debates so the viewer could actually hear both sides
 of an important issue. That way, viewers could make an informed decision about it.

 How could ABC News have no clue about how to run a news program?
 What's the value of having Clinton-hating Sam and Clinton-hating Cokie and
 Clinton-hating George Will and Clinton-hating Judas maximus give their opinions?

 No matter how this election turns out,
 the last three national popular votes have all gone to Democrats.
 Nothing can change that fact.

 Yet, you can count the democratic voices on TV and radio with one hand.
 A couple of issues back I challenged somebody - anybody - to a game.
 For every liberal voice you can name on television or radio,
 I'll name TWO vicious bastards who hate Clinton and all Democrats.

 You don't see anybody taking me up on that dare.
 Do you?

 Why isn't there room for one democrat on This Whore?
 Sam Donaldson is a fucking idiot - no argument there.
 George Will is a partisan hack who hates democrats more than Luci the Bat
 and Cokie the ignorant slut is convinced her future lies in insulting our intelligence.
 Judas Maximus is the only one with half a brain, but like Uncle OJ Watts and
 Clarence Slappy Thomas, Judas Maximus hates his own kind!

 It's enough to make a man take a drink.

 From an idea by Molly Ivins

 Hey, GOP!
 What if it got down to "Whoever wins Iowa wins it all," and
 Gore's younger brother was the governor of Iowa and the
 top election official there was Gore's state campaign manager?

 ...and Gore's little brother and his Democratic co-chair said,
 "Yep, Al won Iowa's super-tight race fair and square,"
 even tho 19,000 Iowa Republicans felt they got cheated by "funny " ballots?

 The real problem here is Jeb Bush.
 He has no control over his state.
 Different ballots for different counties?
 Blacks being told they can't vote?
 Boxes of ballots showing up everywhere?
 Jeb too busy having sexual relations with Dragonlady Harris?

 This isn't a state government.
 This is another one of George Bush's privileged boys
 Just because he runs Florida doesn't mean he's responsible for what
 seems like one fiasco after another. No, not Jeb - the "smart" one.
 He's out of control.

 The real problem here is Jeb Bush.

From:   smacco@earthlink.net

Subject:    Groundhog Day

Hello Professor Bartcop and his beautiful Teaching Assistant Christian Mitchell-Livemore III,

ha ha
He knows how to get published...

Do you remember the movie Groundhog Day?
You know, that really good movie with Bill Murray?

Don't you kind of feel like we're living this right now, but instead of
every day being Groundhog Day every day is Election Day.

Remember, Murray had to repeat that day until he got it right --
So let's hope that's what happens to us as well.


Stephen, what we need is an epidemic of common sense.
I haven't heard one honest word about this election in 11 days.

The truth is, we have a race tighter than the GOP budget for pediatric AIDS victims,
and both sides want to win so badly that, quoting Jon Stewart because I'd  never  say this,
"they'd roast their own mothers on Kennedy's eternal flame and feed the meat to Jesus"
for a chance to win this race, so let's not act surprised when they play a little hardball, OK.

That Bill Bennett is such a lying, smug-ass bastard.

"Our side is so pure and it's just the evil Democrats who want to win."
Just like he always does, when Bill Bennett sees a problem he looks for the "D"
and then finds the "R" and he opens up a can of outrage on the "D."

A shot of Chinaco for Mark Shields telling that prick Bill Bennett, to his face,
"You sit on Mount Olympus and hurl your moral thunderbolts."

And a shot for Al Hunt for telling that immoral holier-than-thou slug,
"Bill Bennett puts on his partisan hat whenever there's an election"
(It sounds much meaner when you hear Hunt say it)

Reminder about Mr. Virtues, Bill Bennett, the man:
who has never been charged with rape,
who has never been arrested for rape,
who has never been arraigned for rape,
who has never been never fingerprinted and photographed for rape
who never even had to stand in that rape police line-up,

...gosh, it's nice when one of the best legal minds in the country
 is your big brother, and lawyer to the president, right Bill?

Is this how the ballots really looked in Florida?

Click  Here

Thanks to Rudeboy

 bartcop.com  exclusive

 Remember this?

 The Smirk campaign put out some lame excuse that the Governor had
 a Limba-esque infected hair on his face, which grossed everyone out.
 Even children know if you forget to wipe,
 this terrible affliction can claim you as one of it's victims.

 Nobody in the press could figure out what was really going on.
 Was this a simple, infected pilodinal cyst-in-waiting?

 ...or, ...was it something else?

 We at  bartcop.com  have obtained photographic documentation
 that proves what this band-aid business was all about last week.
 We've talking about a cover-up, folks!

 Turns out, Smirky had a llama hickey!

 It turns out everybody's favorite former-hero John McCain, left, found a
 very sexy llama by the name of Llois a few weeks ago, and concocted
 his own "cancer scare" trojan horse to hide his own hickeys from Llois.

 Using his daddy's still-active CIA ties, Smirk found out McCain was meeting
 secretly with Llois a couple of times a week, and horned in on the action.
 Soon after, Smirk was sporting a mean-looking hickey from Llois and after
 bartcop.com  got hold of this proof, I got a call from Karen Hughes.

 Karen Hughes told me that even tho I was on the "other side of the aisle,"
 that I had a duty to protect America and not reveal what I know about
 Smirk having Paul Harvey-style sex with barnyard animals!

 When asked if the governor wore a condom for the trysts, Hughes lashed out
 at me and said it was "not your concern," that this was a private matter and
 she begged me to not release this information on  bartcop.com

 She asked me not to "rush to judgment," saying, "The governor is still very much
 in love with his wife Pickles," and begged me for a 'zone of privacy' on this.

 I told her as a journalist, I had ethics!  (cough)
 I told her the public had a right to know if their next (?) president was cheating
 on his wife with a llama. She threatened me with a lawsuit and I told her I'd
 been trying to get sued by somebody for years, and she hung up on me.

 So, I'm giving the truth to the American people.

 Our next (?) president has a Paul Harvey problem.

 Wanda Sykes - Bigger, Better and Un-cut

 I've now had nine days to digest this piece of comedy from Chris Rock and his
 ultra-talented protege Wanda Sykes. This is mid-November, so I doubt we'll hear
 anything else in the calendar year 2000 that's as funny as this four minutes.

 This is a better version than the hack job I got up a week ago Friday. When I hear
 writing this funny, delivered with this much talent, it makes me consider getting out
 of the comedy business. This is funnier than Betty Bowers, and that's funny.
 (By the way, have you seen what Betty's done to Kathleen Harris?)

 If you didn't catch this the first time, catch it now.
 This is the funniest four minutes of this election and this year.
 Trust me - take the time.

 Save the mp3 on your hard drive.
 If it takes time to download it - take the time.
 When your kids ask what was funny back in the year 2000, play this.

 Click Here  to simple hear the year's best  or

 Click Here  to preserve this greatest hits gem for the ages.

 It starts off with five words.
 "How you think I feel?"

 When Wanda got to the word "think" I knew we had something.
 Her vocal inflection in just the word "think" displays so much attitude and contempt.

 This woman is a genius.
 It's too early to put her on the same shelf as Pryor, Carlin, Kinison and Rock,
 but just those five words tempt me to do just that.

 I wish there was a comedy workshop I could attend where they kicked this shit around.
 I'd like to get into the science of what makes good comedy, sometime.

 All I know is I know it when I hear it - and she's got it.

From: JLPAYTON@up.com

Subject: stealing the election

.  Does anyone recall the Republican catch-phrases
of "Rule of Law" and "States' Rights?"  I certainly do, but they seem to
have been completely forgotten by the Republicans, just as Gov. Bush seems
to have forgotten that he himself signed a law requiring hand counts in
Texas whenever an election is in dispute.

The plain fact is that Florida law is dealing with this situation just
fine.  It is Constitutional, and it is working.  It would work even better
if only the Bush Campaign would stop trying to impede the process.   If he
wins this election by blocking the recount, then We The People can
guarantee President Bush only one - very rocky - term in office.

John Payton
St. Louis, MO

 Great Historical Quotes

 "It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument."
 - William G. McAdoo, American government official (1863-1941).

From: Daennara@aol.com

Subject: pass the popcorn

Hey Bart,
             Who let the dogs out? After Karen Hughs big attack on the
validity of the hand counting process...remember those 5 affidavits
....hey idiots, we got 5 of those, too, against your pro life dork.
......there were repukes just waiting to tell thier stories in front of the cam.
"I saw it, I saw it, they're cheating.......waaaa"

Can this get any more ridiculous??
First W pretends he won, then he's appointing members to his imaginary
cabinet and doing photo ops, then we see them go to every length possible to
prevent the hand counts. Now, even after the manufactuer stated that a hand
count was the only way to get an accurate count, we see them blasting away at
those poor workers down there.

W only trusts the people, only trusts the state when it suits himself.
Can W screw this up anymore than he has?
...I'm going to kick back and watch all the fun
...enjoy this while you can...and pass me the popcorn.'



 Today's Page Two Girl has been French for years...

 Click  Here

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was so good, we sent it to the Academy.

 Go Home to  bartcop.com

Privacy Policy
. .
Privacy Policy
. .
Privacy Policy
. .