8 PM Central
"That thieving little momma's boy isn't going
to get away with this.
He's not stealing this election from me
This horseshit about they won four counts
is just that - horseshit!
In the future, will people bother to cast their vote if they know
the GOP is just going to toss their ballots in the goddamn crapper?
When future generations look back on
this election, they'll ask,
'Why didn't they count all the votes?' ...and what will we tell them?
If I lose this - so be it.
But I won't go down without a fight!"
A few months later than I'd like to see it - but yes!
More like that, Al.
...and now, in all fairness, a rebuttal from Governor Smirk.
"People don't like Al Gore.
They'd rather have me than Mr Knows Everything.
I may be dumber than a bag of hammers, but people like me.
I'm a divider, ...no, wait.
I'll reach across the new tone, ...no, wait.
I'll set a new uniter, not a tone, ...no, wait.
Fuck it, you all know I'm the right
man to make decisions that will
affect every person on this planet for decades, so shut up and like it!!
Uncle Jim and Uncle Dick say I'm qualified, so go to hell."
The gubmint won't give Smirk any transition money.
Smirk says, "I can get the money, uh, ..get the money, uh,
...we could get the money, uh, ...but, ...but it would be wrong!"
Sure Smirk, call the Wily Brothers.
They have $30,000,000 they can loan you.
With the relaxed pollution standards,
with the relaxed environmental standards,
with those profitable Yellowstone and Denali fields getting ready to open up,
the Wily Brothers will be making an extra $5,000,000 a month profit,
so they or ENRON can finance your administration - no problemo.
Speaking of crazy bastards...
Is that guy currently frozen in the block of ice?
It's supposed to be webcast - the whole 50+ hours.
Anybody have a URL for that?
Hurry - before he dies...
Subject: How to fine a whites-only rally
BC, I need some help here.
I am having difficulty finding a schedule of klan rallies.
How did you find out about the ones in your area?
In Oklahoma, the Klan files for a parade permit and the media takes over.
TV and Radio runs ads every ten minutes asking people to stay away,
but we know they're really giving them free ad time.
Bring a camera and send us the scoop, OK?
I'll bet anybody reading this, that I could field a football team,
Joe B from Cleveland, Christian from New York, Rich from New York,
Bob W from Arizona, JennyQ and Tally Briggs and Ol' BartCop, and go up
against the mighty Oklahoma Sooners and the eight of us could whip 'em.
That's the entire top-ranked Sooner football team against the
eight of us,
and we have three girls on our team.
Let's each bet our homes, to make it worth our while.
Winners split the loser's loot.
But here's the deal:
We play in BartCop Stadium and BrainSmasher is the referee.
If BrainSmasher throws a flag, the play doesn't count.
Only BrainSmasher can certify touchdowns or field goals.
All BrainSmasher rulings are legal and final.
Oklahoma wouldn't have a chance.
Would it be fair?
It's not about playing fair, it's about winning.
Would it be official?
You bet your ass!!
If BrainSmasher ruled that we scored and Oklahoma didn't,
the Sooners would just have to admit the better team won, right?
Hell, the St Louis Rams wouldn't be able to beat us either,
but we might be able to take the Rams without BrainSmasher's help.
But it just goes to show you: I survived my college years
The first rule of gambling is, "You can make the rules if I can keep score."
Winning is easy, if the fix is in...
The Votes not Counted
by Jake Tapper
Subject: Es geht nicht
Although several of the events that occurred in
Florida during the last few
days just donÆt make sense, IÆd like to isolate two such events for examination:
1. The Bush ôRent-a-Mobö
I saw media clips of the mini-riot at the Miami-Dade
recount and was shocked
to see how a few dozen well-placed thugs could sway the election. I also
read reports saying there was ôshoving,ö ôkicking,ö and, I believe, ôpunching.ö
Now, IÆm no legal expert, but arenÆt
these acts tantamount to ôassault?ö
Yet, I donÆt recall reading or hearing of any arrests. I thought it strange that
with all that violence, no arrests were made. Where were the police?
I believe there were only security guards on the
premises to protect
the recount workers. WouldnÆt you think that the local police, when
confronted with an out-of-town motorhome and buses of mercenary GOP thugs
headed for the recount, might think, ôHey, looks like some trouble brewing at
the recount. Better get over thereö Or were the police GOP sympathizers?
Chromo, you're forgetting something important:
It can only be a crime if it involves Clinton's cock.
2. The 5pm Sunday deadline
When the Florida Supreme Court made its ruling,
I thought I recalled that it
set a deadline of either 5pm Sunday or 9am Monday, with the Monday time
provided if the Secretary of StateÆs office wasnÆt open on Sunday. Now, I
work in a large metropolitan downtown area in the midwestern U.S., and I
occasionally have to work Sundays. The building I work in is across the
street from City Hall, the County Courthouse, and a Federal Building.
Given that these buildings represent the city,
county, and federal levels of
government, I can assume the state follows the same practice regarding days
of operation. Having said that, I can assure you that those buildings are
not open on Sunday and the entire area is void of any activity. However,
when Katherine Harris rendered her ôcertificationö Sunday evening, do I
assume that the Florida Secretary of StateÆs office is open on Sunday?
LetÆs say I live in Florida and one Sunday
afternoon about 4:30pm I decide
I need to see the Secretary of State. Can I skip on down to the capital building
and walk right into the Secretary of StateÆs office and ask to see the
Secretary? Or would the building as I suspect be locked up tight and IÆd
have to come back Monday at 9am? I think we know the answer to that
and why Harris was ôopenö on this particular Sunday.
I can only guess at this one, but if you were a whore, trading your
dignity for an ambassador's post to any country in the world you liked,
you'd be open frealin' Christmas Day - if you wanted that job badly enough.
Franken: Did you see Smirk talking to the people the other
He looked like he was being held hostage.
Kerr: Why do you say that?
Franken: Because of the way he was staring into the camera,
and reading off the teleprompter.
Kerr: Come on, now, be fair. Gore Uses a teleprompter, too.
Franken: Sure, but Gore is reading something he wrote himself.
Gore knows what the words he's reading mean.
Kerr: ha ha, you got me there...
Florida court set foolish
By once-respected Jack Germond
Let's get into those military ballots again.
Anyone who has read bartcop.com for a while knows
backs our military boys like Ol' BartCop. But the GOP wants to hop
around all over the map, cherry-picking the laws they want to uphold.
When the Demos say we need more time to count the votes that the
optical sensors had trouble reading, the GOP gets all techincal on us and says,
"The law's the law. The law says seven days. The law's the law."
But when those un-signed, un-dated, un-postmarked overseas ballots
the GOP says, "Screw the legalities - these are our fighting men!"
Then the GOP says, "You just hate the
military - that's all," and Gore sits there
and stares at the TV for days, while the GOP paints him as the anti-military man,
even tho Gore went to Vietnam, while Smirky went AWOL.
...and the whore press echoes every anti-Gore slur that Austin faxes to them.
With a pro-tobacco president coming online, Big Cancer has a new face:
GOP protesters prove a terrifying sight
Subject: support for bartcop
i'll donate to the cause, who do i make the check
i can only afford $25 right now but every little bit counts right.
Erik, make the check out to bartcop.com
I appreciate your help.
I'm very surprised at the response.
I've gotten some letters with $5 in them,
and I've gotten some with three-figure donations inside.
I plan to deposit the first batch in the bank tomorrow.
It's time to buy some ads.
I deserve to win this election.
I'm smart - not stupid - not like they say.
I can concentrate gooder than people think.
I'd like to thank Ralph Nader and my new ambassador to French.
You just wait until the Middle East explodes.
Uncle Jim will know what to do...
Subject: chill bc
>Al Gore promised he would fight for us,
>and he's laying down, instead.
>It's Koresh-damn frustrating.
Laying down? Isn't that called conceding?
Al Gore is fighting.....just not in the blowhard manner
many would find momentarily satisfying .
You want him to go down swinging
when he plans on not going down at all .
Chill bc......it's the last blows that matter .
Also you want video of Dem's fighting those GOP
That would dilute the fact that they have the goons.
You know me - not one to argue...
We may disagree on what to call the "strategy" Gore is using, but he
this campaign vastly different from the two winning campaigns run
by the Master of Politics, Bill Clinton.
When Bush or Dole attacked Clinton, they knew they had to be ready
to duck because a shot was coming back within minutes, not days or weeks.
Gore's strategy seems to be, "Let's wait and gauge the long-term affects of
their attacks before we get too hasty and respond."
Gore will have the rest of his life to think about his slow response times.
Do you think Gore will get up and fight before or after January 20th?
Read the Previous
It was so good, we sent it to the Academy.
Go Home to bartcop.com