Volume 342 - Crock Boy

 November 28, 2000

From: tpatrick@usgift.com

Subject: spineless peter puffers

You all are absolutely the biggest group of fucking morons I have found on the web!
You think Al Gore deserves to be president after it has been proven that he
committed voter fraud? (this refers to the democrat poll manager that was caught
with a voting machine in his car the day of the election) He keeps talking about wanting
all of the votes to count but he is trying to block the military votes from being counted.
The military are the voters that have put their life on the line so that uneducated dumb asses
like the yourselves can run your mouth and smack talk people like George Bush.

If it were not for people like Bush, his dad, you would not have the right to be the
left winged border line commie faggots that you are!  If you spineless peter puffers
actually had to work for a living, instead of wanting Al Gore to support you,
you would understand.  But then of course, it would take someone with a higher level
of intelligence that you have shown to know what I am referring to...

Patrick Todd


1. Your threshhold of "proof" must be lower than mine.
2. Bush wants to skip the black votes and the poor votes,
    Gore wants to skip the unsigned, unwitnessed, undated mail-in votes.
3. "Left winged border line commie faggots" is almost like name-calling.
    Rush says Republicans don't do that, and only liberals stoop to name-calling.
    Therefore you are a liberal or Rush is a liar.
    Please decide.
4. Peter-puffer?  Why, I never!
5. I have a job, another mistake on your part.
6. Thanks for assuming it takes a team of writers to produce bartcop.com
    That's the nicest compliment a ditto-monkey has ever given me.
7. You got me on the low intelligence, you win that one..
    I wish I was smart like you and Smirk.
8. You sound like the type of guy who can "handle himself" in a debate.
    Are you man enough to join me for a live debate?
    After all, I've not very bright.  You've proven that.
    How about Thursday at 9 PM CST at the bartcop.com  Chat Room?

    ...or did your balls suddenly shrink?

Subject: A Dem Shit List (Update)

Called for Gore to concede:
Sen. John Breaux
Sen. Bob Torricelli

Add to that: Robert Reich

I don't like traitors - not one bit.
If any of these three people think Gore should withdraw,
they can pick up the phone and call him and tell him their opinion.

But noooooooooo.
They have to give Pigboy ammunition to throw at us.

 Palm Beach gives in-question ballots access to Larry Klayman
  Man with no dick holds key to America's future.

 That Democrat-hating, whites-only, Cr-Mag cock-hunter
 is going to get his grubby little hands on uncounted votes!

 That's horseshit!

 Click  Here

  Exorcists and Exorcisms Proliferate Across U.S.
    from the New York Whore Times

 "Dealing with the Devil is ugly work," Mr. Larson said.
 "The Devil is ugly.  Evil is ugly.
    When you get to what I call pure extreme evil, it's not going to be pretty."

 Click  Here

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "Did you see Al Gore's speech last night?
   Did you see all those  flashlights  going off?"
     -- El Puerca Chupacabra, first hour.

 Hey, Porky!
 Did you mean to say, "flash bulbs?"

 There's a difference, you know...

"Cheese Fries" and Liberals Win Straight Majority in Canada

 Click  Here

 True Laura Schlessinger calls
  A Monday call, broadcast Today in K-Drag

 Caller: I have a very embarrassing problem.

 Dr. Slut: Spit it out, Honeybaby.  I'm very busy.

 Caller: Our family album has pictures in it I don't want my kids to see.

 Dr. Slut: What kinds of pictures?

 Caller: Well, like pictures of my baby's daddy.

 Dr. Slut: You weren't married? Did you throw your legs in the air for every
                 man you ever met? Have you ever heard this show before?

 Caller: Dr. Laura, I regret what I did, and I don't want my kids to know.

 Dr. Slut:   No, no, no! Your kids have a right to those pictures.
                Those pictures are a history of your journey through life.
                 It wouldn't be honest to hide your past from your kids.

 Caller: But, Dr. Laura, it's so embarrassing!

 Dr. Slut: You should've thought about that
        before you dropped your panties!

 Oh, is that the way we play the game, Laura?

 Your photos of your past are part of your history?

 OK, "Doc," let's play by your rules for a minute.


 Look, Laura!
 It's an honest record of your life's journey!!
 And I didn't even run the one where your knees are
 farther apart than Gore and Bush on gun control.

 And if you don't like me posting these pictures,
 why don't you have your team of lawyers come get me?

 ha ha

 What a no-class, no-talent slut you are, Laura.
 Showing your kootie to every teenage boy with a modem.
 Have you no shame, Laura?
 Laura - how could you?


 Remember that day I spent a few hours on the phone trying to find out
 the names of the fourteen people convicted of "Whitewater?"
 I'm having another day like that.

 I went to the Rush Limbaugh Listener's Web Ring.
 I signed up for it, because nobody listens to more Rush than me,
 but they'll reject me because I don't worship his lying ass.
 They didn't ask for Rush worshippers, they asked for listeners.

 So while I was there, I surfed their list (89 sites) and couldn't find a single
 goddamn site that worked.  They all had loading problems, or "page not found"
 or were last updated in January 2000.
 What are the odds that every Rush listener is less smart than Ol' BartCop?
 How is it possible to run into page after page of "Sorry, try again?"

 As the years go by, if there's a God, surely I will find one person,
 preferable with a web page, who will agree to a friendly live debate.

 Will I ever find that person?
 I thought Bird might've been that person, but he's a little young and doesn't even
 have a grasp of the events of the last ten years. If you weren't paying attention in
 1992, I can understand why you might mistakenly think Clinton is a big crook
 because he's the only president in your very limited memory.

 So, on the off-chance you run into someone from the Rush Limbaugh Listeners
 web ring, or even a civilian ditto-monkey with a page of his own, please have
 them contact me so we can get some sparks going, OK?

 My limited skills will atrophe if I never get to flex them.

 Isn't there some way to get Pat Caddell thrown out of the Democratic Party?

 Lately, he makes George Judas Maximus Steffie look loyal.
 Pigboy's playing clips of Caddell "admitting" Gore lost weeks ago.

 Dennis Miller continues to amaze

 From last week's Monday night game:

 Referring to: Redskins' quarterback Jeff George's sometimes unreliable
 play this season, despite his great throwing arm.

 Miller said: "Nobody questions the fact that Jeff George has a gun, it's just
 too often in the past it's been a Mannlicher-Carcanoùnot exactly trustworthy."

 The reference: To the Italian-made bolt-action rifle that used a spring-loaded
 cartridge clip invented in 1885 by Austrian firearms designer Ferdinand Mannlicher.
 The Italian army began manufacturing Mannlicher-Carcano rifles in 1891, but during
 the 20th century the line of weapons developed a bad, perhaps undeserved, reputation
 for misfiring and inaccuracy. Some experts feel the Mannlicher-Carcano is wrongly
 maligned because of a 1943 speech by Benito Mussolini in which he tried to deflect
 criticism of his military leadership by blaming his army's equipment, namely the

 However, today the Mannlicher-Carcano rifle maintains its notorious image as the rifle
 that the Warren Commission determined Lee Harvey Oswald used to assassinate JFK.
 It is a Mannlicher-Carcano, ordered by mail from Chicago, that Oswald is seen posing
 with in the famous "backyard pictures" of him taken by his wife Marina in March 1963.

 Cracks like this make Dennis Miller the smartest man in comedy.

 Want Ads
 (To help defray the costs of producing  bartcop.com )

 Weed Wacker for sale.
 Hardly ever used, like new condition, still in the box.
 Call 1-800-drl-aura

 To place your want ad,  Click  Here

Smirk Thanks Rioters for the Assist

The Wall Street Journal has dug up more details about how Smirk's campaign and
the national Republican Party helped organize the violent protests in Miami last week.

The Journal discovered that Bush even called the protestors a day later --
on the night of Thanksgiving Day -- as they were celebrating their victory
in shutting down the Dade County recount, which saw 10,750 votes discarded.

"The night's highlight was a conference call from Bush and Cheney, which included
joking reference by both running mates to the incident in Miami, two [Republican]
staffers in attendance say," according to the Journal. [Nov. 27, 2000]

The Journal also reported that the assault on the canvassing board was led
by national Republican operatives "on all expense-paid trips, courtesy of
the Bush campaign." After their success in Dade, the rioters moved on to
Broward, where the protests remained unruly but failed to stop that count.

The Journal noted that "behind the rowdy rallies in South Florida this past weekend
was a well-organized effort by GOP operatives to entice supporters to South Florida."
Tom DeLay's Capitol Hill office took charge of the recruitment.

About 200 Republican congressional staffers signed on, the Journal reported.
They were put up at hotels, given $30 a day for food and "an invitation to an
exclusive Thanksgiving Day party in Fort Lauderdale," the article said.

The Journal said there was no evidence of a similar Democratic strategy to
fly in national party operatives. "This has allowed the Republicans to
quickly gain the upper hand, protest-wise," the Journal said.

More proof that Gore laid down.

The Bush campaign also worked to conceal its hand.
"Staffers who joined the effort say there has been an air of mystery to the operation.
'To tell you the truth, nobody knows who is calling the shots,' says one aide.
Many nights, often very late, a memo is slipped underneath the hotel-room doors
outlining coming events," the Journal reported.

After their victory in shutting down the Dade County recount, the GOP
operatives from the Bush campaign and Capitol Hill celebrated at a party
at the Hyatt on Pier 66 in Fort Lauderdale. The Journal reported that
"entertainer Wayne Newton crooned the song 'Danke Schoen'," the German
words for thank you very much.

For more on Bush's triumph of the will, go to Consortiumnews.com

 A Bish lnadslide?

 I fired my spellchecker.
 She was an elderly Catholic woman with six grandchildren,
 but when I read "Bish lnaslide," she's gotta go.

 We strive for perfiction here at  bartcop.com

 Keep this in mind...

 Probably the biggest single reason the ditto-monkeys are so insane with rage
 is because people like Rush Limbaugh told them the landslide was coming.

 They all but guaranteed it.
 Would Bush win by 5 points?
 Would Bush win by 8 points?
 Would Bush win by 15 points?

 They were lied to - BIG time.
 Fox News, Zogby, the "Battleground poll," whatever that is...
 The "Rassthmussen poll," whatever that is. They all had polls for sale.

 Your guy behind by five?
 Give me $40,000 and he's ahead by three.

 I don't have time to go back and search, but I know I did a thing on how much
 Zogby was lying by claiming Ratboy was 8 points ahead if Hillary a week out.

 He was lying!
 Hillary didn't get some huge, last-minute sweep.
 She had his ass kicked from this moment right here, back in October.

 Zogby for sale!
 Zogby for sale!

 And they never pay a price for their inacurate "estimates and guesses.".

 Pigboy tells them "Bush is bringing the end to the era of Bill Clinton,"
 He promised them.

 Remember Smirk at every stop...

"Help is on the way"
 And the smug little rich boy even started naming his cabinet.

 Smirk told us how the new America would be:
 More guns, more God and less education.
 Dismantle the Education Department, OSHA and the EPA
 More cigarettes, more oil derricks, voluntary pollution "guidelines."
 Blacks and gays go into hiding.

 It was almost here - right in their grasp.

 They were tantalized, from the Greek tente, meaning "reach" and the Hebrew lized,
 which means, "so close, so close!"

 They were promised, again and again, that Smirk had it won.
 Smirk was so cocky at the end, he stopped campaigning full time,
 assuming you call anything that Smirk does "full time."

 Smirk bought into the manufactured lie - so did the victory-starved sheep.

 And look what happened.
 The people went and voted and messed up Karl Rove's plan.

 It's a trick!
 It's a sneaky trick, ...uh, ...uh, ...taught to him by Bill Clinton!
 Yeah, that's the ticket!
 Clinton taught Gore how to cheat!

 Gore MUST gave cheated, the theory goes, because no-account Rush Limbaugh
 and John here's-my-price Zogby promised them a Republican landslide!
 How many times did we all see Smirk raise his right hand and pretend-take the oath?
 That's the Cro-Mag's future Gore is trying to steal.

 They're heartbroken that Smirk might lose this.
 So when you see Tom Delay beat on the podium with his shoe,
 when you see Dick Armey foaming at the mouth, show a little compassion.
 There's a reason the Republicans are acting like fuck-monkeys

VCR Alert - Croc Boy - first hour tonight on NBC

From: henryporter@operamail.com

Subject: Croc Boy...

G'day mate!!

His name is Steve Irwin, and he's *NOT* to be messed with.
Spitting cobras?
Fierce snakes (the one in the Fed Ex ad)?

Crikey!!    ha ha
No problem mate, you're alright......

He'd crawl into a barrel of scorpions, stinging centipedes, and snapping
turtles just for the chance to mess with some other even more fearsome creature.
He rules!

He's got balls the size of the boil on Smirk's face.....and more!

ha ha

Maybe we could get him to head to FL and walk into that snake pit on our behalf.
On second thought, he's fearless, not stupid.


 Did you all catch any of that?
 Smart move, they opened with him getting his hand chomped by a croc.

That's so much more effective than that tired "Don't do this at home" cliche.

What if the croc wasn't even chomping down hard?
I'm mean, what's the least that could hurt?
Wouldn't a 1972 Cadillac door slam hurt less?
He said that if the croc had chosen to do that really fast left-right thing
that he'd be in pieces and I believe most everything this guy says.

Here he is playing with a red-bellied black snake.
He said it was particularly venomous.
The snake took 12-15 lunges at him sometimes getting within a foot or so.

Here he is going pure Dornan!
He sticks his face up to this hole and reaches in and pulls out this guy:

That's trouble to you and me, but he picked it up, holding it in the "nobody dies" grip
for a minute and then, he declared himself  "one with the snake" and just let go.
This rattlesnake was sitting in his hands.
The snake looked around for a bit and then just slithered off, back into his snake cave.

It sounded like a typical Sunday in most rural Oklahoma churches.

This Croc Boy a nut.
Last thing is a small mpg movie, 8 megs.
This is the big-as-a-Landcruiser croc lunging at him and his back-a-foot retreat.
He's playing with these man-eating, prehistoric monsters, effing with them.

Click  Here

Here's a good one - monkeyfist.com

 Those folks at The Onion do really good work

 Click  Here

 America's Beer Hall Putsch
  Will Kristallnacht be Far Behind?
   by Tamara Baker


 -- Well, it finally happened: America's very own Beer Hall Putsch.

 Fittingly, it happened in Florida, at the hands of America's very own Nazis,
 the Stormfront white-power advocates -- and their allies, the Neo-Confederates
 and the anti-Castro 'Los Cobardes' (the cowards), who are brave in the daylight
only when they are part of a mindless, violent mob.

 CNN's Bill Schneider described Wednesday's putsch, while it was happening, as a 'near riot'.

 Remove the word 'near' you have the truth.

 Hundreds of violent thugs, their minds (or what passed for them) intent on
 snuffing out democracy, frightened the Miami-Dade canvassing board so
 much that they scared them right out of doing their duties as citizens. The
 cops, many of whom are themselves either white-supremacist
 sympathizers or members of 'Los Cobardes', refused to step in to protect
 the canvassing board. And, if the Gore team cannot find a court willing to
 force the Miami-Dade board to buy a collective spine, the mob will have won.

 As the Gore campaign's brief to the Florida Supreme Court noted,
 "Democratic personnel were physically assaulted within yards of the vote
 counting while in the lobby below prominent Republicans launched
 vituperative attacks on the Canvassing Board members and its staff.''

 This is what the Republicans call the rule of law, folks.

 The same bullying tactics have been at work across the country, though
 the violence has been more rhetorical than that shown in Miami. We've
 had Norman Schwarzkopf giving in to the same temptation that the great
 Marine General Smedley Butler squarely rejected nearly seventy years
 ago: trying to incite the troops he used to lead in battle to turn on their own
 elected officials and institute a military coup. We've had Montana
 Governor Marc Racicot all but urge his fellow militia members to rise up
 and bomb more Federal Buildings à la Oklahoma City. And of course,
 we've had the Bushies obfuscating 24/7 about everything from absentee
 ballots to the state of Dick Cheney's health.

 The Bushies have, through their incredibly inflammatory rhetoric,
 frightened more than the Miami-Dade canvassing board: even nominal
 Democrats like Doris Kearns Goodwin, who really should know better, are
 in full appeasement mode right now, whimpering that we should let Bush's
 handlers steal the White House because otherwise they'll go blow up a
 few more day care centers and post offices.

 Memo to Doris Kearns Goodwin: Appeasing Nazis doesn't work. Neville
 Chamberlain learned this the hard way in 1939. If we give in to them now,
 we won't be getting our country back any time soon -- if ever. The lights
 will be going out on American democracy, perhaps forever.

From: liz@zrusilla.com

Subject: A Dem Shit List

Let's start a Democratic Shit List.

Called for concession:
Sen. John Breaux
Sen. Bob Torricelli

Damn good idea.
I don't like whores, and I really don't like traitors.
Both have backed off a little on their back-stabbing, but all it takes for yellow-spined
Democratic weasels to cause an avalanche is one or two snowball traitors.

That's how George Judas Maximus Steffie got his reputation.
He was the first prick to use the word "Impeachment" against Clinton.
When Barr and Burton and Hyde and Pigboy heard that Judas liked the idea,
they went with full throttle-up, the sons of bitches.

I think for now, we should consider Breaux and Torricelli on "hard probation."
No sense firing on our own - until we have to...

 Christina Applegate says,

 Don't get behind...

 Read  bartcop.com  every day.

 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris, the Bush delegate, Bush donor, Bush surrogate,
 Bush co-chair who has said she is "passionately interested" in a job from Bush, stunned the
 political world last night when she certified the Florida election results for Al Gore.

 Click  Here

 I think this is the picture someone was looking for.

 Thanks to Debra the Unknown.

 Today's Page Two Girl is Vibe

 Click  Here

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was so good, we sent it to the Academy.

 Go Home to  bartcop.com

Privacy Policy
. .
Privacy Policy
. .
Privacy Policy
. .
Privacy Policy
. .