Volume 345 - When Bush Comes to Shove

 November 30, 2000 

 Memo to debate challengers.
 You need to go to the chat room (front page) and send a private msg (via Microsoft IE)
 to "genslab" to get your exclusive rights to speak.

 Are you coming to the debate tonight?

 Will any conservatives show up?

 VCR Alert - the VH-1 Music Awards  - Tonight

 U2, (reason enough to watch)
 Chili Peppers, (who are a real band, Flea is great)
 No Doubt, (Gwen has Lauren Bacall-like star quality)
 Bon Jovi, (Mom said if you can't say something nice...)
 Creed, (OK, but that one riff in their big song bothers me)
 Christina Aguilera (who, surprisingly, can really sing)
 Lars the Litigious is going to read the names of people
 who might go to prison under the goddamn R.I.C.O. statutes
 for being Metallica fans, you cheating, thieving bastards.

 For an award show, this is pretty amazing.
 Usually we get a plethora of extremely effiminate boy groups and gangstas.
 May have to put a hold on the big debate while U2 is on, just 5 minutes.

From: jayson monroe@email.msn.com

Subject: Rosie is clearin' her throat!

Ha ha ha! (Fartblok).  You're weenie Al is goin' down for the last time Friday
(but the rest of y'alls party of beggars bigots and baby-killers won't figure it out
for a long ass time). Ha ha ha (Fartstop).

You had me laughin' before all this...but now?  I've got 8 years (that's 11 years in
democrat math) to listen to you folks whine and slobber, and it is gonna be sweet!
Who shall I loathe as Bejing Bill wets his Depends in a Hanoi old folks home while
his clever 'lil brain is ravaged by the horrors of syphillis?

Stick to picking on dumbass rednecks for kicks, but stay on the porch boy, there's big dogs about!
ARF! Haw haw haw!

   I've got a good picture of old Hillary, but I doubt your cake eating ass could handle it!
The old pig has got stretchmarks in her xxxx-xxx that look like a John Deere was stuck there,
and she's got xxxx xxxx that look like the saddle bags on my Harley. Yuk!
By the way, can't we anti-democrats have our own partisan skank (Kathleen Harris)?
You guys have had a monopoly on sows like her (Feinstein, Boxer, Barney Frank) forever!

 Jason Monroe

Ladies and Gentlemen, we interrupt this broadcast for an  ABC Special News Bulletin!
We're taking you to New York City for team coverage of a LIVE ABC News Special.
ABC News - More people get their news from ABC News than any other news source.

This is Backdoor Bettina Gregory for ABC News with this ABC News Special Report.
We're taking you LIVE to Miami for a Breaking News Story from ABC News.

Paul Wilson of ABC News in Miami, are you there, Paul?

Yes, Bettina, this is Paul Wilson of the ABC News Bureau in Miami.
We'll be taking you LIVE to Ed Behr at our ABC News sister station in Tallahassee,
ABC News - More people get their news from ABC News than any other news source.

Are you there, Ed?

Yes, Paul. This is Ed Behr with ABC News Team One in Tallahassee.
We're going to go LIVE to Dara Fugate who's standing by LIVE just outside the
offices of the Florida Supreme Court. We're expecting this Breaking Story
any minute, brought to you LIVE from ABC News, a Division of Disney.

Did you know you can get 40 percent off regular family entrance to Disney World
and the Epcot Center in Orlando?  Just another reason to listen to ABC News.
ABC News - More people get their news from ABC News than any other news source.

Here we go now, with a LIVE ABC News Special Event, on ABC.

Florida Supreme Court Spokesman Ed Davis:  I have nothing for you, the truck isn't here yet.

There you have it!
LIVE from our ABC News Special Report.
We now take you back to Paul Wilson at ABC News in Tallahassee.

As we've just reported to you on our Special ABC News Report,
there's no news at all from Tallahassee - back to ABC News in New York

This is Backdoor Bettina Gregory for ABC News with an ABC News Special Report.
More people get their news from ABC News than any other news source.

We now return you to regular programming.


 The recent death of Lars-Erik Nelson is devastating not only to those
 of us who were privileged to know him, but to the profession he loved.

 In an era that rewards gossips and windbags, he stubbornly insisted on
 old-fashioned journalistic virtues. His columns for the Daily News and
 his articles for The New York Review of Books offered us his wisdom,
 generosity, experience and erudition. He was the best practitioner of his craft,
 and it is hard to believe that he is suddenly gone
     -- Joe Conason

From: patanded@pacbell.net(w/update - see below)
Subject: The good? Doctor

Since I started the nude pix thing, I thought I should respond with a suggestion.
I take your point about comic timing.

My suggestion is to put two buttons on your main page:
    The Latest (PG-13)
    The Latest (R)

For most issues (where we don't have bare breasts), the
two buttons would take us to the same content..

Other times, the 'R' button would take us to a page containing
an entire issue (complete with Dr. Laura joke)  and PG-13
would take us to a page with all the contents except the Dr. Laura slam.

Any time a reader does not have to worry about co-workers or
other observers, he can click on the 'R' version.  Otherwise, the
PG-13 version.  Some folks might always prefer the PG-13
version (especially if the only naked woman is Dr. Laura).

Not being a webmaster, I don't know if this suggestion causes you a lot
of extra work or requires you to waste lots of space on your server.
So, there may be technical reasons why this is a bad idea.


Ed, I appreciate the idea, but that would just kill me.
I keep 3x5 cards in my shirt pocket to write down funny ideas or "stuff."
When I compose my little treehouse, I pull these notes out and start going thru them.

When I get tired (or to 80K, which ever comes first) I hit "send" and put what's
left in the "Get-to-later" pile, which now fills several shoeboxes. It's funny what a
mish-mash and hodge-podge the end result turns out to be, because "The Latest"
could be so different if I started from the other end of the pile of 3x5 cards.

I'm not saying what's getting posted is anything of great quality, but whatever makes it
is only about 30 percent of what could've made it if I had better organizational skills,
or a staff, or a webmaster, or a business manager, or a writing partner etc etc.

The idea of having a second, cleaner version of this undisciplined jail break would kill me.
Just the thought of it has caused a giant boil to explode on the right side of my head.

Something that hasn't been mentioned yet about the nudity, bad language etc.
I did not fake these pictures of Laura the She-Thing.
I am only showing you "an accurate portrayal of her life's journey."

Matter of fact, I have taken the time to ask my good friend Kevin Cunningham
to use his talents to mask the extra-overtly-offending area, her vulgar vulva.
Remind yourselves, that however horrible and offensive those pictures are:

1. I did not produce those pictures.
2. I didn't pose for those pictures.
3. I had nothing to do with those pictures going around the world.
     (I'm not under oath, am I? ha ha)
4. I, BartCop, am the one who COVERED parts of her vulgarness
    to keep my family-friendly rating with the religious community.

I am not attacking anyone who has a problem with those pictures.
I admit those pictures are vulgar, but the blame belongs to the slut/whore.
I'm the guy who handed her a coat and said, "Woman, hide that nasty thing."

 Good Stuff Here

 Click  Here

 Yes, I’ve become a partisan—not out of any admiration for that patronizing robot
 Al Gore, but because of the infuriating arrogance and self-righteousness of the
 Bush-Baker-Harris operation. Their smarmy piety about “the rule of law” until the
 law rules against them. Their willingness to use the Big Lie (“I have exercised due
 discretion”; “The votes have been counted and re-counted and re-counted again,”
 when in fact the issue in dispute are the tens of thousands of votes that demonstrably
 inadequate machines failed to register). And, as the Nassau County episode
 demonstrates, their willingness to countenance outright theft.

 Oldie from the earliest days of  bartcop.com

Click  Here

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "Joe Lieberman is lying through our faces."
   -- The Methane Factory, start of second hour.

 Pigboy, let me explain American slang to you.

 Your choices are:
 JoeL is lying through his teeth,
 JoeL is lying to our faces, which isn't the most coherent way of speaking, either.

 But I assure you, JoeL, even if he tried, couldn't lie thru your face.
 If you were on Millionaire, you'd probably screw up the $100 question
 since you can no longer recognize or form coherent sentences.

 Rush, why isn't somebody helping you with your TIA's?
 You make $2,000,000 a month.
 Can't you afford a doctor?

 Hi, my name is Earl.
 I'm a Democrat but I voted for Smirk because I'm a fucking moron.
 I don't have the brains to wipe my ass, so I voted for a guy more stupid than I.

 E-Mail me, and tell me how loyal I am to the Democrats

But I'm not the only back-stabbing Democratic whore.

Rep. Gene Taylor of Mississippi already has said he would vote for Bush because many voters
in his district supported him. Because Mississippi's delegation consists of three Democrats and
two Republicans, Taylor's vote presumably will swing the state into Bush's column.

Hi, my name is Gene Taylor (D-Traitor).
Screw you Democrats, I like Smirk and I'll vote any goddamn way I please.

If you disagree, if you think I should remain loyal
to the people and the party that elected me,
then click here and explain your point of view in the most frank terms imaginable.

No wait, I take that back.
I'm so much of a coward and a traitor, I'm AFRAID to have an e-mail address.
You see, if I had an e-mail address, I might hear from my constituents,
and I sure as fuck don't want to here from any of you ignorant, backward shits,
so if you want to reach me get two dixie cups and a goddamn string for all I care.

You stupid suckers thought I would be receptive to your wishes?

ha ha

Christ, you Massabamans are as stupid as the people in Oklahoma.

 Great Pigboy Quotes

 "Al Gore wants to win too badly."

 Gee, Rush, compared to whom?


From: uncledooshbag@hotmail.com

Subject: anger leads to the dark side...

    Bartcop, you need to take a step back, have a shot of that
new Margaritaville Tequila, and regain some perspective.
This election has gotten you trying to do too much, and you're slipping a bit.

It seems that lately you've been tossing accusations of "whore" and the like,
without really supplying evidence. Now, I normally agree with your positions,
but as a journalist myself, I must demand the highest standards of ethics from
myself as well as those around me.
   So take a break, calm down and remember these words;

"Don't hate your enemies, it clouds your judgment."  -Michael Corleone

     -good luck, Rob

I wish you had been more specific.
I've never called anyone a whore that didn't deserve it, but yes,
it's possible in my frazzled condition I failed to properly make my case.

The last few months have been pressure-packed, to be sure.
I thought I would get a break on November 8th, and that kept me going,
but the rest period never came - it just keeps on keepin' on.
No doubt, the quality of the writing is down significantly.

If Gore pulls this out, I could get a break-break and re-charge. But if Smirk is successful
in his theft, I may not get a break until President Clinton is sworn in on January 20, 2005.

Nevertheless, I will attempt to forge ahead.

From: stevew@galleriapublishing.com

Subject: Suggestion on the nudy pic problem

Hey, I hate to be an asshole to the guy who asked you not to post gross
unattractive pictures of Americas second most hated woman, but shit...
Shouldn't he be working instead of reading Bartcop if he is in an unfriendly work environment?

The wit, raw humor, and grossness is what I love about Bartcop.
That is what made me a daily reader. While if you were to scale back to a rated "G" format,
I and other faithful would still read it, I would bet you would find yourself not snaring new readers as fast.
Don't change anything.
Tell the concerned employee that perhaps he should wait till he gets home to read.

Or better yet, suggest that he turn his boss on to Bartcop.
Liberal or Conservinazi, he would either like it, or love to hate it.


America's future is in this Ryder truck

 Why did Dick Cheney sell oil field equipment to Saddam Hussein?
 Why did he then lie about it to Sam Donaldson?
 Why did Donaldson let him get away with that lie?

  Full  Story

 Questioned by Sam Donaldson on ABC's This Week program in
 August, Cheney bluntly asserted that Halliburton had no dealings with
 the Iraqi regime while he was on board.

 Donaldson: I'm told, and correct me if I'm wrong, that Halliburton,
 through subsidiaries, was actually trying to do business in Iraq?

 Cheney: No. No. I had a firm policy that I wouldn't do anything in Iraq –
 even arrangements that were supposedly legal.

 And that was it!
 ABC News and the other U.S. networks dropped the issue like a hot potato.

 If we're going to lose this mess anyway, what we need is for the Smirk handlers to
 pull one last giant dirty trick, like having the Florida Taliban legislature declare
 that Smirking idiot the winner so all of America will know he had to use a dirty,
 underhanded trick to steal the election - we'll never let him forget it.

 Then, we will torture him like they did to Bill Clinton until his face becomes
 one giant stress boil and he crawls back into that bottle a broken Smirk.

 How it looks to other countries

 Click  Here

From: davidbsharp@earthlink.net

Subject: foul language and nudity

Dear Bartcop,

I love your site.  I visit it every day.
My 12 year old son is asking a lot of questions about the election and one of the
places we visited together this evening was Bartcop.  But I cut our visit short
because the Dr. Laura pictures came up - not appropriate for kids.

I'd like to suggest that you clean the site up a bit.
It would be better for the kids, and it would  give you more credibility.

David B. Sharp

David, thanks for the note.

Now and then I address this issue, because so many people bring it up.
If I had $5 for everyone who suggested I "clean up," Mrs BartCop would have her Jag.

Let's talk about the naked Laura pictures.
Those pictures weren't put there to be sexy.
They were put there to prove, in very graphic terms, what a slut/whore she is.
If I was trying to tittilate, I have tens of thousands of better-looking naked women.
If the point was nudity, the Page Two Girls would be a lot hotter, trust me.

Besides the occasional nudity, I could also clean up my language.
Believe it or not, I don't use the language for the sake of using bad words.
One reason I really like The Sopranos, is because it's real.
When a murderous hit-man stubs his toe, he doesn't say, "Gosh, that hurts."
I use the language most Americans use, because I think that's more honest.

I could also tone down my inflammatory rhetoric.
I could say, "I believe Rush is being disingenuous when he says "X" and "Y."

I have no education.
I have no experience.
I have no training.
I have no brains, but I have passion .

I have a modem, a smart mouth and the truth.
If I change into someone else's idea of what I should be,
I wouldn't want to write it and I wouldn't want to read it.

Another thing to keep in mind:  Believe it or not, I censor myself.
You should see the pictures people have sent me of Katherine Harris on her knees
giving Monica to Smirk.  Hey, I laughed, but it's farther than bartcop.com  should go.

Zac, the guy whose website (gwbush.com) became nationally famous when Smirk said,
"There should be limits to freedom" told me he really liked  bartcop.com  and wanted
to exchange links with me, but he couldn't because I put up nude pictures of Laura the Whore.

I could've gotten a lot bigger a lot faster with his link to me if I took down the Laura pics,
but that's too high a price to pay. I refuse to do it. I'm going to pound on that bitch and Pigboy
until the end of time and no amount of money can persuade me to stop.

I know I can't be everybody's favorite, but if I change I'm a whore like the others.
I might as well be whoring for Damp Rid if I'm in this for the money.
Christ, if I was in this for the money, I'd be attacking Clinton.
If I'd been pounding on Clinton these last eight years, I'd be Pigboy's neighbor.

In closing (wild applause) I gotta be me.
I am what I am and that's all that I am.

I appreciate your imput, and please don't take this as an attack.
In my own way, I think I have credibility.

From: dr.bomb@usa.net

Subject: Media Whore Moments

I'd like to dish out a verbal beatdown to CNN right now at 8:20a EST.

What's up with my ass waking up and tuning into CNN to find y'all focusing on the truck
carrying the votes to Tallahassee? Since this was a Ryder truck during this shot in question
I couldn't decide if we were watching Freepers about to blow more shit up or OJ II!

IF the media can frame a shot like that to inspire deja vu where were
they during the riots as Freepers were pummeling election officials?

Fuck the ratings-whoring money-grubbing press! What's the matter?
Afraid your broadcasting PAC's will decline in popularity when campaign finance reform happens?
If you need money just hire "Not A Doctor" Laura to do a strip tease and a lap dance on
Ted Turner within the CNN atrium with the cameras rolling!


 Great Clueless Quotes

 "Our intention is to get this election ratified."
    Smirky, just now, (12:36 Texas time) admitting that it's not over

 I'm going to get rid of the Amazon.com thing at the end of the year.
 I was supposed to be a good idea, but they're too cheap.
 I get reports from them that they sold $10,000 worth of stuff
 and my cut was $6.44 so I'm going to cut them loose.

 Of course, I'd be crazy to dump them right before Christmas, right?

 Don't buy anything you don't need, but if you're going to buy a Christmas
 gift from Amazon.com, their logo will be here for another 31 days.

 Tom Delay, bastard

 Click  Here

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was so good, we sent it to the Academy.

 Go Home to  bartcop.com

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